Thank God I have never been called someone with daddy issues because I have lied compulsively to everyone in my life who isn't aware of the truth on my life. :)
I'm currently on the process of 'mothering myself' and the thought of having to do this with my paternal relationship as well makes me feel exhausted. It's so unfair having to do the work that people responsible for me never did. Anyone else?
Yeah, Same here. I don’t really feel like it’s my job, and I tend to try to put it onto others or supply the need with substances, music or Social media.
My dad was absent and my relationship with my boyfriend highlight that I have a lot of daddy issues. I subconsciously want him to do things my dad didn’t do for me and it sucks because I end up crying all the time
I found myself becoming my GF's "daddy" in place of her absent and gaslighting father. It's a task that takes a lot of responsibility, but she has grown so much more stronger with my consistent support and sturdy base. Support system is very important to heal from these past scares. Consistency is paramount. And remind them that they are doing the work, you're just providing the workbook.
do u not feel like that’s the burden on u that u never asked for? i have daddy issues but i refuse relationships as i don’t want to overwhelm a guy with my past traumatic experiences and feel guilty about it. would like to hear a make perspective from u.
@@KP-el7wk Great question. Because I think it's a natural part of the human experience, I DO feel like it is a burden that I didn't ask for, but because I'm so self-aware, I realize, we came together for a greater reason so it's a burden worth bearing. Where she is weak, I am strong and vice-versa. So all the energy I expend is worth it to me. She pours into my cup as much as I pour into her cup. I can be a bit of a "white knight" and I find comfort in being able to help and emotionally support the woman I love. That's how I am able to show love to her. That actually makes me happy that I can prove to her that I'll be there. I know she needs that consistency and stability to provide her the space to combat her attachment style. That's how I'm able to reconcile the stress it causes for me. She doesn't have to be a finished product and the right might won't think you have to be a finished product to deserve this time and effort either. I know she doesn't want to be in these traumatic spots. I know and trust she is not taking advantage of me. So I think I'm just playing my role towards a healthy relationship. Sometimes we have to give our partner a chance to heal with us instead of letting them heal on their own in the same conditions that we found them in.
@@LEEeveryday Just reading through this message explaining how you're there for your gf was comforting and calmed me down from the break down I was already going through while watching this video. I was losing faith in myself and in God (when I searched for this video) that someone understanding and supportive would come into my life and replace the role of my father and mother or rather lack of but also be a good partner and best friend to me because once that person has gained my trust I would give so much of myself to them as I have a lot of love to give. Unfortunately I find it hard to love myself, though I can admit I'm doing better than my previous years. I'm trying to do things that make me happy and trying to romanticize my own life because waiting for a man is painful already and to die not doing some things I wish i had experienced in life I wouldn't have known what happiness was would just be double the pain. I hope your relationship is going well with your gf and you both only get stronger together and as individuals. It's unfair for another man to do the work of what a father should have done... but I guess love makes you do those kind of things 🤷🏽♀️ I hope I will receive that love one day too. You're definitely someone rare.
@@flyingpanda4678 Thank you. This inspires me because now I'm realizing my close experience and success with having a healthy relationship with someone with such a traumatic background could show others it's possible if the support has the right mindset.
My father was totally inconsistent and even abusive sometimes. I cut ties with him and I've been doing a lot better ever since. I think I also re-fathered myself doing and learning what I wanted to do or learn. Still a part of me is mad at him because I think that that child who bears the scars of his behaviour is now still struggling to heal didn't deserve that. I can move one but not forgive. Also, when a much older man figure is nice with me I tend to trust them more easily because I'm still looking for the figure I never had.
Meeting other people with similar childhood's than mine. Group theraphy was one of the most intimidating experiences of my life but also the most rewarding
Almost every male relationship I’ve had has been abusive or neglectful, starting with my dad. I know I have complicated relationships with men and I tend to favor and find more comfort in women. It’s definitely something I want to work through in therapy.
Mine too! I'm staying single because I know my choice in men is terrible. I can figure out why I do it, but my heart just overtakes the situation everytime. I can't trust myself in romantic relationships in that sense. Best of luck to you!
This IS NOT the blame game. Its not his fault anymore than it is hers. You have said that you remain single??? Understandable but NOT necessary. Study your trauma, learn about yourself. I bet you enter into relationships with an expectation, with your guards up, awaiting the inevitable. When you throw that energy out, that is exactly the same energy that will come back to you. Trust me. Learn to love yourself, care for yourself, learn to be vulnerable and have the coping skills if things went pear shaped. By doing this, you leave yourself wide open to endless possibilities of true pure happiness.
+ Molly Moon if you werent close to your parents especially your father then yes you might have daddy issues at least you realize this could be a problem thats a start you can get help to work though and over come those issues and go onto lead a long happy for fulling life
This video is perfectly timed . I’ve noticed by going to therapy that I have severe daddy issues and have been wanting a I know how to overcome this problem. Thank you for addressing this Kati !
I've major daddy issues. My dad was 37 when I was born. He wasn't really around that much, and was out with his friends all the time. Either gambling or just living as if he was a bachelor man. My mother was home with us 24/7. We use to always ask when he was coming home. He use to promise and say he'd be home at this time. And id stay by the window hoping to see him pull up in the driveway. But he never came home 🥺 it didn't help that a lot of times he could be verbally abuse and yell at me. But I always made excuses and wanted to love him. It's the reason why I have BPD. He's in his 60s now and tries to make up for lost time, but I can't help but feel resentment towards him. I can't forgive him no matter how hard I try because my inner child still is hurt.
Omg I can't imagine how torn I'd feel if there was this strange element of a 'redemption arc' that would suddenly come into play after all these years of being a human fuckup... My father's might be an abusive a**hole, but at least he's a consistent one O.O
@NessieTM. Forgiveness is hard. But in the end it heals you. It's better for you. You can forgive. That doesn't mean you have to re- embrace him as your father.
Your mother is one of a plague of women who went for the bad boy, and the children paid the price. It's politically correct to lionise these women as being salt of the earth, valiant single parents, when they are actually the core problem in society. No forward thinking, no ability to wisely select a partner, and child be damned. But yeah, it is so easy to blame the man.
I completely understand🙏🏾🙏🏾 it’s hard to forgive someone who let us down so much. I try to remember we all are imperfect and deserve forgiveness but you never forget what happen the trust is broken possibly forever
@@northernlights5481 it's true. And she even admits that. She was quiet and he was a big personality. He was also 9 years older than her. She use to bitch a lot about him to US, as young children. It's no wonder I've poor relationships with men. Both my parents were screw ups.
Today is Fathers Day in the US and I’m up watching this video and crying in the car. I never knew how to identify my issue, and something just came to me and I typed “How to deal with Daddy Issues “ into the search bar. My dad died in 2016, but I’m still having problems in life, relationships, friendships, etc. This video made me very emotional so I know it’s resonating on a deeper level. Thank you for the video. Now I know where to start.
Thank you. My father was emotionally abusive to my mother and I. It took me years of therapy and self-help books to realise I had moved from that to an unhealthy defacto relationship (I left home young) where my partner drank excessively, sulked (same as dad) and refused to socialise with my friends or family. I was mid 30s by the time I broke free. 17 years later and I still feel some shame at times. Domestic violence doesn't need to be physical and it happens in EVERY socioeconomic group and culture.
The realationship with my Father was always hard for me to explain. We're not close, but also we're not like far away from each other. I think my Father tried his best to be a great father, he was but he also failed. When I grew up it faded, and it was like I got left alone emotionally. I always felt a certain hate or anger to him, maybe because of that. And it hurts to see people who their dads are their best friends. My dad had a traumatic childhood, so I tried to tell myself he can't to anything about it, and for his conditions it's the best father he can be. He shows his love with material things, but it's nothing when you get this by a Person you're not very close with. I don't even know if he's buying us so much for his inner child, or because of US. As his daughter I hate him, but I love him as a Person. Not the best father, but a good father for his conditions... at least he wasn't abusive. Could've been worse....
i really relate about what u said i respect my father but i just cant pretend anymore to have a good relationship with him he trying his best to be father for us but even so i still never feel like close to him to tell him everthing,spend time with him having fun or be his best friend i never experience that with him...sometimes my dad will bcome abusive if he get mad mybe the last i felt close with him when i was little child i dont know about my older sister or lil brother idk if they feel the same way like me
Emotionally unavailable. Probably because he was brought up to 'be a man' and not even admit to emotions. So he never processed them, just vented them occasionally and mocked them in others. It's tough because basically you can't know the person. All you can do is be respectful towards them, and work on giving yourself the self-talk they never gave you.
It's really comforting to hear that "daddy issues" isn't a phrase that is commonly used by therapists. My very first therapist in our first session laughed and said "oh so you have daddy issues" when I told him that I grew up never even knowing who my dad was. That made me immediately uncomfortable. Even more so because the event that triggered me finally going to to therapy was the fact that my spouse was transitioning from male to female. He then spun those two tidbits about me to spin this elaborate narrative about me, my life, and my marriage. I barely got a word in after that. I was so anxious about getting help in the first place that I nearly quit therapy then and there, especially after a terrible group session the next week that left me in tears. It's very lucky that my wife spoke with her therapist at the time who got me a recommendation to a therapist she knew would be much more understanding, who I've been seeing for 3 years now.
I had a great dad, he just isn’t a great boyfriend/husband so grasping healthy relationships has been hard plus no emotional boundaries with me so now I have trouble creating them with someone else. Parents really are just big children trying to navigate like us
I had a nightmare last night (and I say nightmare because this is one of my personal worst fears) that I had a baby and I felt no love for him. I was nursing him taking care of him, but I couldn't even look him in the eye. This is literally what my mother did with me and I'm terrified that I'll find myself doing this with my own babies because I have to be honest, I don't know how to love. I don't know how to be emotionally close to other people. It's like this barrier I can't break down. My mother put this barrier in me. She didn't love me, she didn't want me, but she did do her "duty" by me: feeding me, clothing me, educating me, etc. I don't want children at all if I can't give them genuine, open, maternal love as a strong foundation for their future lives.
I think I'm gonna apply this to both of my parents bc i got some trust and attachment issues from when they got divorced and my mom's religion (the religion resulted in intimacy issues and just lack of education about my body since it was so taboo) Yay parental issues
So many children are confused sexually because of the type of father they witness(ed) or because of their absence. A lot of father’s are absent while in the home. Safe Father’s/Men are more important than we believe.
I was very close with my father, I'm a middle child and my mom's attention was always on my elder brother and youngest sister, so my father tend to give me more attention, he was a very strong figure for me, someone I heavily rely on. Then when I was 13, he got Alzheimer's, and he became very vulnerable, losing some of his ability as an adult, and I have to take care of him. It really felt like my great wall has collapsed, all these years I knew I have some attachment issue with my father, but I never really acknowledge it until last year he passed. And I'm suffering so much from this attachment issue right now, I try to date some guys, and it all failed horribly. I feel like some parts of me are broken.
I never really had a father. Had a father-like friend who was kind, but didn't really understand me. So I basically was solo on the manhood thing lol. But I made it through ok. Hard, but made it. 😌
Me thinking about the Lucifer show, how the problems he had and has faced usually stems from his issues with his Dad. And how he has grown emotionally through therapy and working with the detective.
I had an alcoholic father, who was basically just another body in the house who came home sometimes drunk and yelled and turned me into jello at the sight of him. I retreated to my room and tried to tune that part of my world out. I started pulling my hair out, which I later learned it had a name, Trichotillomania. It was never fully addressed just swept under the rug and was told to wear a cap to bed. My dad died at age 48 when I was 15. I had no emotion at all but became depressed because of the shame and anger, when people said but he was a good man. Well, to his daughter he was not. Fast forward years later, 2 failed marriages and relationship issues, I met an older man who healed some of my pain. He loved me unconditionally and accepted me for myself. I had never been nurtured or cared for by any man before. He broke down walls that I had built around myself. At the age of 58, I was finally able to be truly intimate and vulnerable with another person. I feel so sad that I didn’t receive the attention and mental treatment I needed when I was young. Maybe I could have avoided my relationship catastrophes and ruining our lives it makes me feel like I wasn’t worth the trouble. Also, I was told be another family member when I was young that my dad didn’t want another “girl”. I’ve always felt weak because I turned out this way. Like it was my fault. 😢
Had an alcoholic and abusive father. Hated him so much for the pain, trauma and the anxiety he is causing to me and my brother and mother. He's terrible, strict and sometimes sexist, and stuck with that patriarchy stuff. Suffered so much because he yelled at me to just marry a man for the sake of money than to finish my college wherein I crawled and persevered in finishing my education, (incoming third year in college), ridiculed me for wanting to pursue medicine. I was deeply hurt when he uttered those words to me and I am a very sensitive person. I've spend some nights crying in bed and wanting to end my life. I have never been in a relationship with any men (even though I wanted to, but I'm stuck to my ideals in finishing my uni). But goddamn it hurts so much that your father is telling you these harsh words than motivating and supporting you. He held me back growing as an adult and I'm trying to get out from it. God knows how I am able to forgive him.
Talking to a woman who had "mom issues" but a great relationship with her dad and went on to find a good husband and now after years completely leaving the drama with her mom, it made me wonder if me having had BOTH "mom AND dad issues" is the reason why I can't seem to get in a relationship and, as a matter of fact, all areas of my life seem to be screwed up...
I made a list of all the things I didn't get from my father. I realized I had been treating myself the same way! So now I'm actively making choices to give those things to myself. It's very soothing and self loving
Great video. For me, what hit home was that the 'Father 'care giver' is usually not consistently there, so therefore there would be an increased emphasis to seek that/there attention...' I'm just a flawed father trying not to create emotional problems my kids have to work/fight/endure through (with a therapist) and balance/struggle to keep everything else floating, there isn't an instruction manual... thank you for this.
I drove down to my father’s house who didn’t want me.He screamed at me for “making a scene” then promised me he’d call. He called my mother. My mother has stayed in contact for some reason.
My father left when I was 13 now I have a really hard time with putting trust in any men, and each relationship I’ve had seems to just prove that lots of men are hard to trust
I’ve done all of the things that Katie suggested in this video, but I also looked into my Dads natal birth chart for answers on why. That has been very helpful for me too. Not sure if this is helpful for anyone but I hope so! ✨💜✨
I'm a student and I recently found this term through the popular song. Since I started school I've always had a bad taste in boys, have trust issues and find it hard to make boundaries. Right now I'm in high school and I have two really kind and sweet male teachers and I feel very emotional towards them (imagining them as being my father or generally thinking highly of them). I find it difficult to be near them as an emotional attachment will grow so I'm not sure what to do.
Just got out of this situation myself. I wish I could say you can just straight up get over it but it’s not the case. I’ve been told to just remind myself they aren’t my dad but to be thankful they’re there. Obviously this still doesn’t help that much but trust me when I say you aren’t alone in feeling that way. Hope you’re well 🖤
@@KimberRose16 It's nice to hear another person is going through or has been in the same situation. It feels comforting to know I'm not alone, thankyou :)
i wish this video leaned towards being universal//targeted towards both parents. i feel katie hit the nail on the head but inconsistently goes back to fathers (which i get it's the point of the video). Hopefully she can do something similar but more universal.
I have an insecure ambivalent relationship with my father, says my therapist. he was incarcerated for some of my childhood, and when he came back it’s like he wasn’t the person I thought he was. I love him, but I’m just scared of what will happen next. It feels like egg shells with him.
I would be really interested how attachment styles and the effect of "mothers and fathers" work in non-traditional or rainbow families would work. We know they do but I really would love a study about it
I’m sorry to hear you lost your mum at a young age, I also lost mine when I was 8 I’m still grieving 13yrs on. My dad was never emotionally there n his gf then was just cruel to me. Now I’m older I’ve struggled with any relationship romantic family or friend, any advice on move forward...
I grew up almost without a father ..he worked most of the day and I don't even remember one time he played with me and spent time with me and now that I'm 17 years old he travels 6 or 5 months a year without contact and when he comes back he avoids spending time with me and treats me bad
Some of us definitely try to create the family we wish we had. And if you go about it healthfully and intentionally, I think it can work out just great! ❤️❤️❤️
How did my relationship with my dad give me house flipper mentality? It worked on my now wife, which I don't know is healthy or not for me as a person, but what part of him taking me into his workplace every day, demanding to read my text messages on my phone, and having no real boundaries would ever lead me to an "I am determined to give you love when all you've ever known is hate" mindset?
My favourite solution is the 4th, because if I could get myself a good over-30-y-o lovable partner which treats me as a princess I think I would definitely be happy. Even crazier than before? Maybe. But happy. I'm so sorry for my actual boyfriend, but he's too young (both phisically and mentally) to fit in all of that. Still, I love him. I feel like ours is a healthy and spontaneous relationship, but I keep thinking I need something else to be truly happy. I wish he could be more manly, but he's only 21 and I'm not gonna press him on that. He's as confused as I am by life, and that's the whole point. I thought mine were just stupid fantasies to let go of to live a TRUE life with my boyfriend, but I don't know if a normal life will ever make me happy. I wish I could actually be with a man like my teachers...
Starting to understand male/father values to you and society is good. Culturally there are HUGE political/policy/social changes being implemented based on a lack of understanding males/father. I think we are creating serious sociocultutal damage by confusing competence and low agreeableness with patriarchal tyrrany and power. Do the work to better understand the benefits of competent and strong men.
Hey! What can I do if I'm 25 years old and I haven't liked anyone since I was a teen? I feel zero interest in other people, zero, male or female, and prefer to be alone 90% of the time. I know this stems from my broken family home, but it kind of scares me how little humanness and curiosity is left in me. I could lay in bed and do nothing all day, and whenever a person talks to me, no matter how nice or positive or interesting or attractive they are, I just can't be bothered. I force myself to talk to them, and I also haven't experienced ANY desire to be in a relationship ever since I was 20. I'm not looking for a partner or anyone in my life and I'm scared because I'm ok, I just feel nothing. It's not like I'm suffering in my day to day life, but I'm as lifeless as a zombie and I always wanted to have children and a husband. But where do I even start when everything feels ok and there's no pain left?? I'm confused
I know you said you have zero interest but you should just try even tho you don’t have any interest please just try talking to people. Interest and care doesn’t come immediately it comes with time. You have to be patient. The more you know a person the more you care about them and it’s the same with time the more you spend time with them the more you care. I think the problems is that you didn’t really give it a chance like a CHANCE get deep in to it try giving effort to know a person that would be attracted and have feeling for you as well. I honestly used to be like that as a child everyone had a crush and friends and I just never cared I stayed at home and was gaming and reading books etc. even when I was 10-14 I started talking to boys out of boredom not because I cared about them or had feelings 🥲 but then there was that one guy that got my attention and the more I knew him the more I started feeling weirdly in love and obsessed but in a cute not so dramatic way! 🥰 you should really try it you are still a young person 💗 you don’t even HAVE to desperately look for someone you could also try it with people who come to you randomly like the people you attract. Hope this helped🙏
In my experience with women that hated their father, they hated every man they ever dated. It appears they want to establish a solid foundation with a man, to purposely tear it down for spite. They enjoy tearing it down, it gives them pleasure. Then they go to the next man and do the same thing...... over and over. The poor guy doesn't know what's going on......that was me. What is causing this departure ? It's 100% her and will never stop. She is seriously damaged goods.
No that is not true. Not all women with daddy issues are like that. I definitely dislike most men but I know that there are GOOD ones out there even tho most rapist and abusers are men and most part of the parent that leaves is the father I know that there are good men and I never dated more then 1 man because “I enjoy tearing things down” Even tho having an absent father did give me trouble here and there I still managed to be fair and stay loyal and always be by my mans side since day one. My dad even SHOWED me that there are good men out there because any father I saw that wasn’t my dad did a better job then him so he even helped me believe in good men because he wasn’t one.
There's a pattern with men being mia, passive or inept in our culture in general. Generational trauma that plays out in different ways is what I think it is. I see what normal is from a Godly standard and a lot of what is going on ain't it.
I’m 15 and I get like chest pain or like heartbreak pain everytime I think of my dad or a man relationship I mostly feel like crying a lot but my dad was inconsistent and mentally abusive to my mom he’s a narcissist and we did research but I don’t know how to stop crying sometimes I had a historical of cutting and now I’m clean and I’m in therapy, I see on tv and TikTok kids that go through so much more then me and seem so much stronger then me. I just wanna be strong like that but it’s so hard🥺
I think I have daddy issues even tho I love him he has lots of issues and can be verbally and mentally abusive to people around him. When I was a lot younger I used to faint every time he yelled at me or did something to me
Holy crap. How have I totally missed this in years of therapy? Neither of my two therapists really probed my relationship with my father and how it might have led to patterns of how I relate to men. Is this because I'm a gay male? Was I avoiding it? My father showed his love only through actions and instruction as a child. He was present but emotionally opaque. If I was upset, I ran to mama. But he loved to give instructions, and persist in giving them on an activity or a hobby, long after I had lost interest in that thing (whatever it was). I have a long history of developing quite strong romantic feelings for my (usually straight, sometimes married) buddies, who are (duh) not ever going to return those emotions. And I loooooooove it when they take charge and tell me what to do or how to deal with my problems. You might even say that has developed into a fetish or sexual fantasy of sorts (ahem). (Just fill in the blank on that one. It's not hard.) I suppose I also expect and am scared of highly unregulated emotions in the women that come and go in my friendships. That was and is my mother. It was terrifying as a child. I also run far and fast from men who are highly emotional.
The only thing that's allowed me to see that not all men are exploitative, cunning, terrorizing rageaholic misogynists are seeing men like my maternal Grandfather and other men I work with being decent husbands and fathers, which would have been unimaginable if my Father was the blueprint for men. 'Wait, you don't scream at your wife and daughter every day?' 'You don't watch p0rn in front of her'? 'You don't bring her into men's saunas?'
Thanks for the link to the older attachment video too. That was 3 years ago and before I'd ever found you. I wouldn't mind seeing an update on that, maybe with a little more detail about the Different styles and how they manifest in adulthood.
That is exactly my problem. I have not had a father since I was a child. And now, i don’t know how to have a good relationship with people around. I was hurt a lot. And don’t know how to get better 🥲
For the re-father ourselves part, I know a RU-vid channel that might help. It's called Dad, How do I? This man teaches you a bunch of stuff that Dads usually teach their kids. Its very wholesome. I think he started it because his Dad left when he was a kid or something like that. It has helped me a lot.
You got me when term " re-father yourself" came. And when you said, - "go do those things which you counted on your father for!" It was a ahha moment for me.
I didn’t realize how many “daddy issues” I have until my dad passed away last year. Almost harder than his death has been trying to mend my relationship with him by myself because he’s not here. To work through the grief and the guilt at the same time. And to recognize that I didn’t always have the most positive thoughts about him. It’s easy to want to idolize someone when they pass so his passing has really amplified my attachment injuries.
I've been dealing with the same thing since my mom and grandpa died so I know what you mean and it's a lot. Of course, none of this is your fault and it's not your burden to carry. I've come to this realization: I didn't ask to be born and it's not my fault my parents weren't up to the job of raising me. I don't need to feel bad for not loving my abusers enough. I got away and looked out for my own well being and I'm never going to regret that. Having overshared all that , I realize you wrote this comment 9 months ago. Are you feeling any better now? Hopefully the worst of that wave of grief and confusion has mostly passed over? 💙
Yes it's that freakin pattern . It not my parents fault entirely ( because I believe our destiny is in our own hand ) . It's the society . I have analysed all the patterns and you know I am not going to follow that same path . Thanks to youtube that I was able to understand that my father and mother was actually toxic ... I think internet has helped me realise what a healthy family looks like . My mom she has filed a divorce . And she has changed and my father he will never change He still tries to manipulate us but me and my mom have said no . We are now going to therepy . And you know now I am feeling much more better now . I am happy and I feel blessed now. Thank you very much Kati for giving us more awareness about mental health . You know in India( because I am Indian and I don't know much about the other cultures but India is not the country that have this mindset ) mental health is always associated with being insane . They believe that if you work hard then all your problems will be gone . So I want to spread awareness about mental health and I want to help people who are abusive relationships and the teenagers who are stuck in a toxic household .
I think it’s interesting, too, to talk about how “mommy issues” is not nearly as prevalent a phrase, and “daddy issues” is almost always thrown around for women more than men. It’s very rooted in sexism.
To me the idea sounds like maybe a misnomer for Freud's concept of the Oedipus and Electra complex. Not that I think his ideas are correct in any way, but emphasized the importance of parents in development and had an influence on much of popular culture when it came to how people then thought the human mind worked.
I'm not sure if I understood your comment correctly but also "daddy issues" is used to insult women while in reality its a result of male failure to show up
@@harleyquiinnnn failure to show up bc women have been subconsciously Trained to no fault divorce for no reason. It's not an insult when we make women accountable with labels.
The reason people talk about "daddy issues" as a red flag is because if someone can't trust the man closest to them in their life, how could they trust any other man? It's not about blaming women for their father's problems, but rather about connecting the dots between their trauma and how that will affect people further down the line. Where it does come down to the individual, however, is if the woman cannot appreciate the good qualities fathers have to offer. If they can't overlook that, they will probably not do the same for their boyfriend. Lastly, I cannot blame people for talking about daddy issues more when the effects of not having a father figure are extremely significant, and when they seem to be more prevalent in women then in men. When people call this sexism, it only further minimizes the term and it dehumanizes legitimate fathers in people's lives, so please stop using these one-word ad hominem attacks. People need to simply do their best to put their problems with their past family aside, and look at people for who they are. I'm saying this as a guy who has grown out of daddy issues, by the way. Finally, thank you Kati for talking about this and doing your best to help others get over it.
Hi Kati! I was wondering if you could possibly make a video about getting rid of sentimental objects. I will have to get rid of my deceased grandfather's car soon. It is hurting me very much and I don't know how to deal with it. I appreciate the videos! Thanks for helping us.🙂
Dont know if it'll help but it can help to take a picture of the object to be able to look at it whenever you want to and to get rid of the object. You can also do a little funeral for the object. I hope i didnt trigger you or anything in my response. Stay strong!
I would sIt in the car and have a talk with it and my grandpa..... and just say everything on my mind ... even non related issues .... yeah.... that what would make me feel better... you could try it if you want.
Oh, I am living in a mobile home- inherited-tried to fix things-spent $ I should not have touched-all of her videos relate to everything I am experiencing.
@@Hajdew I always wondered if I had "daddy issues" even though I didn't know my father. 🤔 It's like that phrase "if a tree fell in the forest and nobody is around does it make a sound?" She does make some really good points in this video that answer my question.
@@angelmarie2281 The fact that you didn't know your dad does effect you for sure. It's just hard to grab that nothingness, that void. It might show as a deep, inner emptiness. (Just my experience.)
Having an abusive father taught me to choose kind men as my friends. I've been very lucky with males in my adult life as I know what I don't ever want, and will never accept.
This is so helpful?? My dad was always around, and never abusive, so it took me ages to accept that I could have any trauma related to him. What I've come to realise is that he has a lot of mental health issues, which have kind of made him incapable of being a father. He was here and trying his best, and it was never his fault, so I never thought there could be an issue. Turns out as a kid, I was seeking his validation; I thought if I was good enough he would become better. When the video talked about how it affects out everyday relationship with men, I was in awe. I'm constantly seeking affirmation from any man I see as an authority figure. There's barely any men I dislike; I blamed myself for my dad's issues, and I now blame myself for every man's issue. 'He's not a bad person, he's just struggling'. Truly enlightening, tysm
Ohhh yes! Emotionally unavailable, due to his own father dying young and probably also being unavailable. Resulted in Mum mothering him to try and fill the gap. Resulted in the whole family trying to 'keep him happy'. When he never WAS happy, but at the same time was sufficiently 'happily unhappy' to do nothing about it. Yes, I continually seek validation too. Prefer male company, yet am afraid of men. Lots of fawn response and buried anger. I need to do positive self-talk that Dad didn't do.
What if I never had a father? Nor brothers or any masculine figure.. I've always been in relationships with either narcissists or abusive partners. Would be awesome if you make a video on that
I have ptsd from severe childhood trama, I've been seeing a therapist for a few months now. Therapy has brought to the surface so much, and this video makes a lot of sense and gave me a journal prompt. Thank you for the upload, I needed this video.
If you ever want to see how valuable a good father is in a child's life, just look at the lifestyles of kids who grew up without a father or with a deadbeat father. They are more likely to drop out of high school, end up in the criminal justice system, and overall have less self-control and discipline controlling their emotions or in their lives in general. Every child deserves a good mother and father in the home, as it is the backbone for a healthy society.
No, people growing up in poverty and violence are more likely to get into trouble. Plenty of shitty fathers and mothers out there cause more problems. No one needs a dad to survive but we do need our moms. Our moms are literally more important and this shitty republican talking point only serves to put men on a pedestal that don't deserve it.
@@zr_1234 There’s nothing inherently conservative about saying that fathers are important. They are! An affectionate, compassionate, and responsible dad will give his kids a template for what it means to be an honorable man, someone who respects and appreciate others, including women. Mothers and fathers are of equal importance, but in different ways.
I have come to dislike this term because to me it makes it seem that something is "wrong" with the child. The issue is that the Father was not there for the daughter and that makes her insecure.
Someone help where do I go to find good online therapy??? I have a personal counselor but I need therapy. A diagnosis or medication The counseling is not enough
I definitely have attachment issues with both of my parents. I was under-malnourished and at some point my mom ignored her children. Both parents made me believed my step dad was my real dad until he told me around 6 years old. Then things started to get weird. I told my mom at some point but he gave me a look and I lied. Eventually, my mom walks in and the ambulance and cops were called. After about a few weeks my mom had a psychosis episode and we had to go to another family member's house. After about a few months, we went into foster care. To be honest, I have grown up and been a kid in a short period of time. Except, I had to grow up once in highschool. Which was only a year after getting into the home. Just before school ended I finally got tested for a learning disability and I was so pissed off. This could of helped me in school to get extra help. Although, because of Virtual Reality, I have been teaching myself stuff that I haven't learned from school. Like the basics of the solar system and their make up and stuff. Playing educational games for math and other subjects that I missed. Except, english because I hated it. I still struggle day to day but I somehow manage. I am on the way to recovery with the help of an EMDR counselor/therapist. For anyone who might be going through a similar but different situation, always know that there is light at the end of the tunnel no matter how many steps you have to do to get there.
Thank you for the acknowledgement that not every family is traditional. It goes a long way when so many sources seem to want to pretend that non-traditional families and identities don't exist.
I REALIZED THAT PLEASING MEN FOR ME WAS A SUBCONSCIOUS EFFORT TO PLEASE MY FATHER .... AND IF I WAS A GOOD ENOUGH GIRL..... MAYBE MY DADDY WON'T LEAVE ME... LIKE MY FATHER DID..
In Peru, there's no therapists that have experience in trauma or any of the ones mentioned in the video. In USA , how do you know the right therapist? Like do you just ask questions or you also see their resume?
A lot of it is gut feeling, honestly......like you feel like you "click" with them. A lot of therapists will have a short bio on the website or with their facility's webpage, talking about what they specialize in, and maybe a bit about themselves. So, you can contact those therapists that you think you may mesh with, and go from there.
The term is made my shameless males who created fatherless homes and made fun of the young girl who are suffering from it. It's like blaming a little girls for male failure, it's similar to blaming single mother who stayed and provided and giving free pass to the shameless father who left 😒
My dad was very young when I was born, (Dad: 23 / Mom: 20 at the time of birth) and I was being raised by kids. Mom was overworked and in college. Dad was out, up late, verbally and emotionally abusive to my mom and verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive to me. I remember one time he looked me in the face and said "I wish you were never my daughter." He used to constantly beat me and my brother for stupid things. But then he'd change his mood next time I saw him and be all nice. I'm not sure what to do, should I break it off? I'm just confused, I wish he loved me.
This term is so porn-fied and sick. My father sexually abused me; a man who does that have issues. I don’t have issues. Trauma is trauma, being abusive is an issue. I don’t take you seriously anymore as a psychologist. This is why I don’t care for the disorder system; claiming women who say, have been sexually abused by their fathers are borderline, hysterical, or have daddy issues is misogynistic.
I am really sorry that happened to you and I'm glad you put the blame where it belongs: right on him! Just wondering, did you read the description or watch the video? She states right from the start that the term isn't a real thing. I think she just put it in the title because people have been asking her about it using those words. She takes a lot of viewer questions!
I honestly will not see a therapist again. I told the first that my dad used to say I am: good for nothing would amount to nothing. That I am an error. I even told her about all the abuse. She asked if it really happened or if it was all in my head. I found another and she said "oh. that is just how men are but you are still alive now. He tried but didn't manage to actually kill you, so it's okay. Past is past". It's honestly been more hurtful looking for that understanding. It brings up the past more than I would like it to. Initially, I was afraid to go to a male therapist, afraid that I might latch on to a caring male figure, i purposefully sought out women. That didn't do much good🤔 These tips have been way more helpful and I honestly already went through some of the points in an effort to understand the past. I am now in the process of being my own daddy😂
hm... what you have been told by therapists does not sounds right, that a real therapist will say such staff..what were these therapists? I am sure there are pretty proper therapists, who can help you...google about therapy and how it should look like, also signs for good and bad therapists..
Therapists will never do the work for you. In the end, it is up to you to do what needs to be done in your life. I’ve had unsuccessful relationships with therapists too. Once I decided to tell myself that im too tired to worry about the past, I was able to live my life the way I want. I am not my parents. Their actions are not an excuse for my actions. I may have a flashback to a bad memory from time to time, but who cares. I don’t. They aren’t worrying about me. I rather pour that energy into something worthwhile. I’m sure that there are good therapists out there. I went through three of them, and they didn’t tell me anything I didn’t know already. I suggest reading The Law Of Human Nature by Robert Greene. It changed my life.
@@purpessenceentertainment9759 i do agree that I have to do the work. I am working on a DBT workbook on my own. I do not have an extrinsic locus of control so that isn't the bother. It can just get overwhelming when the memories spring up. While I do direct the energy into positivity/ doing things that will build me, it is still mentally draining. Edit: ps: i will look into that book. Thanks for the suggestion :)
