The children that are caught up in the middle of a narcissists insanity is very heartbreaking. The spouse can divorce the narc, but the child is stuck in the craziness... It's so sad
I wish modelling appropriate behavior was the answer or simple. If you divorce a narc, the child you share becomes a tool for the narc to manipulate. The narc/s in your childs life can be anyone, ex spouse, sibling, parent, etc.
Put the children in church and in as many programs that you can . Teach them about feelings and that they can always talk to you no matter what. Just be there is all you can really do.
I asked my narc aunt to stop the constant criticism. She didn't, so I said "Ima do the same to you" Less than 24 hours later she yells at me "I'M SICK AND FUCKING TIRED OF YOUR GODDAMNED CRITICISM!" I smiled and said "See how it feels? You do this every day and you couldn't handle it for 24 hours. So either change or I'm leaving and never coming back." She proceeded to tell me everything she has given me.... while I packed
Sounds exactly like my grandmother (my mother's mom) my mom is an amazing person and I feel so bad for her having to grow up with a mother like hers. I also grew up with that due to my father.
@@jiggnorth3593 Grandmother is the reason mom chose abusive dad. It is a cycle. Bless you. I hope my daughter sees this as well as you understand and y'all both choose healthy people to break the cycle. Bless you! ♥️
Your aunt is still spewing over this. This is going to sound like I am a horrible person. I'm really not, like you, I decided no more! ...... BUT, I'd just have to visit her on her death bed just to share the smirk one last time. 😏
This is exactly what I did with my ex narc girlfriend. After absorbing all of her narc bull shit for 5 long years, I finally had enough, and I started treating her like she had been treating me. Wow, wasn't expecting that reaction...she instantly knew something was different, she was shocked, shrunk away, and then one day called me up and said she didn't want to do this any more, it took about three months. She cut me off and it was over. No problem, she was putting me down, triangulating me with male orbiters, even seeing other guys behind my back and making demands that were never going to happen. She has tried to hoover me back in three times in the last two years....not happening. Go fys.
I agree, once I left my daughters never vowing to go back ever after she abused me the flipped the script to everyone, when I drove away I had to stop, I felt God had finally lifted the burden off of me. It was truly spiritual. Don't talk to her still (2 yrs) now and couldn't be happier. Time does heal but it also wakes you up to future awakeness towards that behavior in people. Stay far far away.
😂😂😂😂😂😂 totally love this!! After 21 years of marriage to a covert narc, I left a month ago and am treating him like he did me for so log. Same sentiments here. He can go F&$@ himself!
Ghost them while they think they are ghosting you, don’t reply to their texts for days, don’t call them, be nice to everyone else and snap at them. If you’re lucky they’ll run out the door but if not you should be running out the door; don’t waste your time ‘playing’ with these creeps.
This is totally insane! It’s like narcissists are too blind with the fact what they did is wrong and has the audacity to call people crazy if being treated the same way 😤
i told my dad I think he is a narcissist and he called mental health on me. In my 40's! It was my perfect exit, so I took it and have never looked back. 2 yrs now, my life has changed for the better.
@@misssaltynuts2512That is EXACTLY the way it should be done. Give them enough rope to hang themselves, then get the F outta da way and watch them dangle like a Christmas tree ornament!🤣😂😛👍
Yes!! When i finally stood up to my narc mother, and tried to correct her, she told our whole family that I went crazy from the pandemic and the lockdowns. This is how the narcissist parent treats their own children.
It’s very sad that people abuse other people who seem to truly care about the abuser. The caring person has no choice in the face of abuse other than to disconnect.
Yep if only folks treated each other the way they wanted to be treated. No tyrant or manipulative behavior would make marriages last to the end big time
The moment I mirrored my ex back it's like he automatically knew the jig was up. I video called him and he didn't answer so when he video called me I didn't answer. Later on he tried to text me and I texted him back way later and then I never heard from him again. I know he hated that I mirrored him. I don't care, I was done.
I reversed the treatment as well before I left. It didn’t go over well with him. I told him I was showing my support 😂. He didn’t like that either. Oh Well!!! Moved out two weeks later.
100% facts,. They even start to count everything they have done for you, it's almost as if they are implying that the good things they did for you was a payment for their abuse later on. so they kind of expect you to just take in the abuse, if you don't then you are labeled ungrateful.
Your post is exactly what I have experienced, he spent money and abuse me with name calling embarrassment in front his family, insults me when he wants to. when I tell I am not allowed you to abuse me, he says I didn’t abuse you, then says I spent money on this that etc. totally the same, that proof they are narcissistic.
It is impressive how deeply informed you are about the subject in such young age. Congratulations for being so charismatic and for helping victims educate themselves. God bless you.
Never fear the narcissist, go no contact on the narcissist (if you’re able to), during the no contact phase get your finances in order and plan an exit strategy, leave the narcissist as soon as your able to, expose the narcissist for who they really are (only if it’s safe to do so) and make sure you have no sympathy or mercy on the narcissist at any time……all you are doing is giving the narcissist a taste of their own medicine and this is the time to take your life back by all means necessary.👍✊🙏
You must have met my mother and siblings personally. This describes them exactly. Well done. Thank you for voicing what is very difficult for the survivers.
Im doing it to my spouse of 20 years. I left 1 month ago with our 16 year old daughter. I been letting him have it!!! He knew I had been being abused in every single way from sexual abuse to narc abuse from my father, abandoned at 14 by father, and all sorts of other trauma. None of his family was there for him like I was , even to the point of taking care of his dying mom for 5 years in our home. He wouldn’t help with her and not one of his family members ever came to visit her in that 5 years. Mind you not, he brought her there without even asking me if I agreed, and then he wouldn’t even help with her. I despise that man for all that he did to me and I feel like giving him some of what he did to me all those years. I even found out about multiple women over the years. I want him to wish he would have never done the things to me that he did!!
These are so true! When I quickly discarded someone who started breadcrumbing me, they acted like they were the victim then tried to put me on some kind of shelf. But I didn’t care about being ‘the villain’. I basically told them ‘we’re not a match’, ‘it wasn’t serious’ and ‘life goes on’. They let it go. I blocked them. But I can feel their lurking behavior online. So I shut down most of my media.
If you decide to do this (mirroring them), then you should be fully prepared to burn the bridge to ashes. And let it burn continuously forever. It would also mean, you are no longer seeking validation outside, but you are the first and only person required for your own validation, which will get you all required abilities to recognize and dismiss all manipulations, deflections, projections.
I’m glad you stood up to him and got out of there. I escaped the house while the narcissist was at work, saved the lives of my two cats, and it was years before my hackles went down from seeing the evil she had become.
Spot on again! My stbx covert narc husband tried to avoid me or show he’s scared when bumping into me in the house 😂😂😂. That’s the time he tried to convince me that I was the abuser.
So true, call them out, then stand back and watch them lose control! Never defend yourself to narcissists. Best to laugh at them and walk away silently. You can't win an argument...they will employ DARVO, exactly as you say....this video is so accurate. Thank you!
At first, they're shocked and surprised you would do such a thing to THEM. Like it's fine for them to do it to you, but not the reverse. They get really ticked off and will use it against you somehow some way. anyway A waste of time as it doesn't change them one bit. Not capable of self-reflection or self-criticism.
Kids know that the parent who was there for them, is the only parent they need. They are grateful and know forever, that they were loved. They are amazed that that one person who loves them, would take on that effort, responsibility, work and do it well, because love makes it possible, not easier, but rewarding.
Again, my personality always slowly defaults towards "hope" these devils will have a modicum of introspection ( ain't gonna happen). Fortunately, because of people like you, my face is shoved into the reality--- wolverines make lousy pets and I'd be stupid to try and tame one. Every day, it's reinforcement to "get and stay with the program." Thank You!
Thank you Danish for clarity. I faced smear campaign for doing this... but it's over... Truth is out.... Bless you always for spreading awareness vehemently..
I was treating my ex as if he was an idiot and he didn’t even realize. I used his tactics and he didn’t realize. Even I realized they are not as inteligent as people say they are. Nothing to do and also no emotional inteligence at all
I agree. I tried to act back the way he was treating me. We once went 2 DAYS without speaking. And he finally came up to me and said: " Are you finished throwing your little fit?" I thought that if I had access to a knife at that time, I would have a tr tabbed him straight through the brain. I have NEVER reached le eks of anger and grief as I have with this person. I thank the good Lordthat we never had children, never got married, never shared a bank account.
Hi Danish, I am caught up in a similar marriage for the last 24 years. Your videos have given me much sanity and clarity. It is exactly as you have described.
I am also caught up for 24 years in a marriage with a narcissist now. I hate it so much, when he is around me. My only wish is to be without him, but we have 3 children together. Two of them are adult now, but the youngest child is 12 years. 😢
Brilliant Danish! And so insightful and true! Your analyses is so detailed and spot on! Turn the tables on them make them suffer the way they have made you suffer, don’t back off, don’t run away from them, be calm and completely indifferent to their ravings, stand your ground , give as good as you get, be strong, be objective and emotionless and ruthless if they misbehave with you .However, at the same time create a position of strength and invulnerability for yourself,it is for your own good. They are basically cowards and bullies, empty people with a low sense of self worth. When confronted by a person who is capable of inflicting the same pain on them and will not be manipulated or cowed down they will change their tune.They are vultures feeding off your fears and weaknesses, look to yourself ,love yourself and show not just the narcissist but the world you’re a strong person, a good person yet will not be intimidated by the likes of them. They will begin to view you with respect and ,yes, fear, that’s where you want to keep them. It must have taken courage for you to admit to your fathers narcissistic behaviour, it is appalling for us to think a parent or sibling can do this to you.But what is so amazing is how you have handled a very painful situation and come out on top and helping others cope with a similar experience. We hope and pray you have completely recovered, the scars have healed and you’re on the way to being really happy once again ! All the very best to you God bless and take care🙏🏼
Please I need an advice from you, I live in a narcissistic town, full of them it's a constant fighting dealing with these gross creatures, sometimes I get exhausted by doing so, how can you deal with a bunch of narcissists at the same time?
💯 Correct! 💯Appreciation for your work Danish! Be prepared for divorce to be way worse than you imagine...Mine bribed my attorneys, our kids, stole my part of our business, had me assaulted by the police when they arrested me for a mental health check~Hospital wouldn't keep me~. If you have abusive parents you will crave love & make terrible decisions. ❤️You!!
Soo true when we hold that mirror in front of them they turn it back on us. Even if you try to make them realize their behaviour is wrong. My husband has accused me of being abusive when it's the other way round! 🙄.
They go whining to their mother is what happens. 😂 Do it just one time to give them a taste of their own medicine after they’ve done it to you for many times.
Excellently said Danish! Thank you much🕊️By doing this to them, it showed them that I don’t fear them anymore like they want. Oh they hate this because this is how they would get control of me. I take my peace, clarity, strength and power back! I don’t mirror the abusive behaviors however, but I do address it or ignore(yawn) them depending on the situation and person. By doing this, it sent a clear message that they were not fooling me. I have been called all kinds of names; mainly crazy 😜 Prayers and blessings 💗🕊️🙏🏼
Holy crap, I’ve never seen such fire in my narc’s eyes till the day I mirrored her reactions. She threatened to kick me out after years of refusing to let me leave her control. Then after I was gone, she started telling people I was addicted to drugs. 🙄 It was easier to keep her out of the loop from then on and cut her off anytime she crossed the line.
Thank you for your videos. I have spent over a year learning how to break my mind and heart free of my abuser. Everyone believes her just out of the box. How nice and kind she was around them... I still have a fear that something is wrong with me... am I the narcissist? Am I the relationships reason for failing? Everydays a struggle.. but its nice to come here, listen and get reminded that I was the victim... she had me so wrapped up that I missed all the signs. It started with my dad, his dad even... I take after my mom. We share the co-dependency genes.. I walked out of an abusive parent situation... then walked into a marriage with a woman like him. i felt a lot of shame, always felt like I was not enough. When love calls, I keep coming. Hoping I find a happiness I havent had. Everyone can be a victim, and everyone can thrive eventually. I love you all, we are all gonna make it.. together.
Good morning Danish... Thank you for the new video this morning. Every day I look forward to your videos, as they have helped me so much. Thanks to you, I am beginning to feel a bit stronger more and more, about being able to leave this abusive relationship! I am grateful . Thank you.
This is a great video, Danish. You really cover a lot of the behaviors of the narcissist when you attempt to defy them in any way, not just turning the tables. In 45 adult years of being with narcissists and psychopaths, I have experienced almost all of these. The most recent was when I refused to cave in to my narcissistic son's wishes, instead, calmly setting healthy boundaries. He cut me off from contact with my grandson and spread rumors to friends and family that I have dementia. In conversation with me with no one around he displays the psychopathic stare (his father is one) and coldly told me I would pay the consequences of not giving in to his demands. It is frightening and difficult to counter. I am cognitively competent and capable, but that's difficult to prove to people when a persuasive narcissist is weaving false narratives behind your back. My only recourse was radical acceptance.
@@jbrown2908 if only that were true. In my experience of 68 years with multiple narcissists and psychopaths, only their victims or targets seem to realize what's going on if they get educated. The toxic person manages to gather sycophants and flying monkeys who will believe their lies indefinitely. If they are not the targets they never see it or else they deny it. I wish it were otherwise. I'm not a believer in karma, because karma doesn't seem to apply to them.
Can’t even imagine what it feels like to have a narcissist/ psychopath child. I have been surrounded with these sickos my whole life and decided to stay single and not have children. Even before I knew what narcissism is , I could sense there is something very wrong with men who are attracted to me and that we would not have a happy and healthy life together
@@hautecouture2228 you are wise to make that choice. I, too, chose not to have children. But I did not take the steps necessary to make sure I could not become pregnant. The psychopathic husband punched holes in my diaphragm, I discovered later so that I became pregnant just as I was going to do my postdoc after professional school. They will do anything to manipulate your life the way they want it to go. Please note that I did not realize he was a psychopath at the time. I chose not to have children because I was raised by mentally ill people from a long line of intergenerational abuse. Sometimes our best efforts to stop the crazy fail.
I called my mom out recently and she kicked me out of her house, telling me as I was leaving that I was projecting my mental illness onto her. I next called out my sister and her only response was "Goodbye." They're mad at me for not thinking they're good people anymore and the way they prove their goodness is by kicking me out of the family rather than simply looking themselves in the mirror, which would be the truly good thing to do.
Sounds like you’ve got at least 2 things against you, being the 2nd child, being male; AND if you were raised by a single mom; you’ve hit the grand slam in fuckery of life. My situation exactly..
When I finally responded to the horrible things he said to me by saying terrible things to him, he acted so shocked and hurt! WTH does they expect? I got fed up with tolerating the abuse! Thank goodness I finally left him. My life is so much better now.
Thank you, the pain is real from these people who live a facade. My personal conscience is most important, this is what I hold onto when the snapshots and the entire situation gets verbally reversed. Boundaries are also part of what makes them angry, the supply is walking away.
It won’t change them but it will torment them like they have tormented you. I moved 2300 mile away and they still wouldn’t stop, so now I’m back, and I’m ready for the biggest fight they could ever imagine. Sometimes walking away isn’t enough, protect oneself causes one to fight back. They have already sabotaged my reputation so nothing to lose there and I’ve been physically attacked and they know I’m not afraid of that either.
I did this to the last guy I met. He tried to fool me into thinking he had a place to live, when he was clearly homeless. And he tried to wiggle his way into living with me...what a joke. I blocked him.
Hello from Spain 🇪🇸 we are a dealing with a monster as a father. His mask has fallen ,it is time to put him in his place. Many years calling me crazy unstable and reflect all his problems on me or my mother. It’s time to pay
Some will beat or strangle their victim. A woman I know was stabbed in the face multiple times, then nearly stabbed to death in front of her kids. It's not always safe to even stand up for yourself, let alone dish out even an essence of their b.s.
There is Hope 🍀 there is a better Life away from narcissistic abuse ~ From 🌵 prickly cactus to an overbearing tree of life 🌱 a bountiful harvest awaits on the other side of toxic ~ its called Healthy 😘 The choice is always up to you ....stay and sink or paddle away to a New View 👑
my ex-boyfriend has accused me of having borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder. it was actually him that had a lot of ‘emotional splitting’ & hot and cold behavior.
You are so right I been through physical abuse l survived lost so called friends he left and I got a legal separation and a restraining order he tried to destroy me but with God's help and counseling I survived and am healing he divorced me 3 years after he left you are doing good 😊❤️💙 telling the truth bless you thanks 😊
I thought I was the only one trying to laugh off a narcissistic affront! Now I know I am strong! Danish, you are an angel! "May the Divines bless your kind heart" -Skyrim quote ❤
I have watched many of your videos and you are spot on with how my best friend was she painted me to be a complete monster in her txt rage. The people who are actually close to me who read the messages couldn’t stop laughing because the things she wrote about me couldn’t be further from the truth 😂😂😂
Ha! He does claim to be the victim and I'm the abuser. When in reality I have just stood up to him and told him I refuse to be abused and I have a right to my own autonomy and a peaceful existence. Then said I'm a the narcissist because that's who he is. My complaints about his abuse has suddenly become the reason I am the abuser and he is the victim. It makes zero sense but is nothing but a manipulation, and I haven't fallen for it, so now he's trying to punish me with distancing himself from me. These people have no emotional maturity or integrity. Everything is a freaking mind game.
Important point: I have seen legal lawsuits used as a delivery vehicle for “Emotional Revivification”. I have witnessed a narcissistic partner use misrepresentation and false claims to take legal action, and then file complains and affidavits that incorporate emotional revivification, only to end their complaint by asking for punitive rulings against their victim, amounting to hundreds of thousands or even millions of dollars. It’s an incredible thing to witness.
When my sister called me a narc it was an obvious projection. She was mad at me for enforcing my boundaries and kicking her out for disrespecting me after telling her to stop. She's now blocked on everything because I am done wasting my life on someone who treats me as an easy target and reacts to self-respecting behavior by saying whatever she thinks will most hurt me. She has been like this her whole life but I gave her the benefit of the doubt until she was 29yo. My life is much more peaceful after cutting contact.
TRUE Wow that's awesome how much you know Been there before You are absolutely correct WOW Thanks 😊💙❤️ Danish for the information 😊❤️🍀 It will help others to heal and move forward prayers 🙏❤️💙 to all who are healing
This is my ex husband to a T! The final year we were together was a nightmare. I decided to simply stand up for myself and start calling him out for his b.s. He is playing the poor, victimized husband just like I knew he would.
After 40 years of hell with narc mother and being a scapegoat of a family things changed dramatically. Now I am the worst nightmare they couldn't even imagine for the rest of their lives. My dark side will take care of them I explained to their faces, and I will not stop untill they all commit suicide and they know its not a joke. Never knew l could be such cruel to anyone, Survived by miracle. Sigma Superempath.
I would do that to that hubby and it helped him understand. He is not one but was raised by one. So, he didn't realize how he was treating me or others. He has grown so much and we have grown together. He is seeing so much more now about his family. He's a great man.
My spouse loved to blame my adhd for everything that went wrong. She also accused me of picking fights on purpose because I was bored, due to my adhd. It was a great way for her to invalidate every complaint or request I had in the relationship, just wave it away as my malfunctioning brain. Only later did I discover the shocking truth that it was a projection, and she with her narcissistic traits had been doing this very thing (picking fights out of boredom) to control and demoralize the whole time. What a trip that relationship was.
In one line- it just makes it easier for them to flip the script on you.. and paint you as a crazy unstable evil abuser (even tho they been doin this to you for soo long)
Too true, Danish! Some years back after disgustedly re-explaining a simple procedure about forwarding mail to my then narc husband, he said with a trembling lip, "You were snippy and bitchy to me!" I turned on him and answered, "Well, look who's talking! Like you never scream and yell at me and call me dirty names at all, do you?"
Omg, yes! I have recently been labeled the narcissist (this person has "been educated" on narcissism recently, and now knows for a fact that I'M the narcissist). But in the past, I was called BPD and bipolar, accused of DARVO myself, and called just plain crazy. I was also accused of drinking and being in drugs, but guess what? It turns out that it was THIS person drinking and doing drugs the whole time! I got the admission via this person using it as a flimsy excuse for abusing me. I was ALSO told that I made a "fake PayPal money request cancellation" as an excuse to indirectly contact this person, because they sent no such request. But I have the cancelled request in my "completed transactions" on my account. And yet, I'M allegedly the one projecting and deflecting and gaslighting! I'm so glad to be away from this person, and I'm hoping that contact attempts have finally ceased. If not... Well, I know what to do now!
HI DANISH, MY NARCISSIST SISTER DOES EVERYTHING YOU SAID WITH HER ALL KINDS OF THREATS. I HAVE BEEN TOLORATING HER BECAUSE I HAVE FATHER WHO'S 95 YEARS OLD. AND WITH YOUR ADVISE AND SUPPORT IT'S HELPFUL TO DEAL WITH HER . UNTIL FATHER IS WITH US I CAN PRAYING GOD TO HELP ME SURVIVE. WITH YOUR INFORMATION AND TEACHINGS AND SUPPORT IT'S HELPFUL PLEASE CONTINUE TO HELP PEOPLE IN NEED THANK YOU FROM CANADA.
I am sorry that you are still going through all of this. You know best, and thank you for sharing your experiences. This has helped me as I have gone completely no contact with my narcissistic mother. I have also blocked all of the flying monkeys. It became a no-brainer eventually. I am happy with my decision and feel no guilt. Now I can get on with the healing. Thank you very much.
The last few weeks we were together, I turned it around and became as toxic as he was I mirrored him. He basically brought him to his knees to the point he threw me out, and then started the smear campaign him, and his flying monkeys saying I became a toxic drunk and he couldn’t deal with me anymore. I got a love it.
I think mirroring their actions is so much fun. Lol...omg...I could run with this because I am not at all afraid, nor do I care or take personally anything that he has to say. For one thing, most is a lie. It's so funny because of the way he argues. I'm like, are we still in junior high school?? Omg! I start laughing so hard. Then he goes off to hide. Later when he comes back, it's all about how I'm so mean to him. Boohoo...whiny baby. Go tell your mommy ok. Cuz this chick's not available for it! Lmao...lol...omg...🤣
Yes, you are awesome, went through so much just like you said. I just believe Lord Jesus knows the truth and that is who I trust. The narc slandered me so bad, and still tries, all his tactics. But God knows the truth,that’s what I have, I can depend on him for truth, everyone will hate me, for believing in God anyway, such a lonely life for me, I. Ju st keep praying. And yes I got to work on myself and I cry a lot. But I fight for healing.
I agree with everything except the part where you say they know it wrong. To say they know its wrong would require them to possess empathy (which they do not have) they may know its wrong to do based on society's morals and laws but they can't put themselves in your shoes emotionally therefore they don't see anything wrong with it.
Since my Mom died and narc Dad is still here, I was chosen as the one to babysit. I give him everything he gave all of us. He was shocked because I went off on him, whereas no one else would. He gave me the silent treatment which was heaven. He told me something was wrong with me, knowing he is the one who has a problem. When I told him he was going to a rest home if he didn't straighten up, he tried guilting me. He's still going. After he let my Mom die without lifting a finger, he said it was "just us now"( like the old days when my Mom started working to get away from him.) He's still going to the rest home for pulling that on my Mom. Get away from them, they are evil. My mom waited 65 years for him to change. He never did. I got two niches for them at the cemetery. She will get one, he will get the other, facing the back corner on a permanent "time out" for all of the vile things he did to my mom, us kids. He has earned it.
Also if you feel no gratitude for your help or when they have the means they dont help on the same level. Thats a good sign if things dont change you may have a very bad situation. They want your all but when its time to show the same kindness its more often than not you get excuses rather than the narcissist helping you the same way you help them. Amen
Thank you. You just described my father, 100%, and the sick, demonic ways he operates. (Along with neighbor, and others I've met along the way). Same thing happened with me about the drug thing (if not that, then some version of unwell, troubled, mentally ill, even antisocial). I don't mean to leave out my mother's psychopathology -- I don't know, but together they are pernicious as can be. They hate each other. There's also this thing of the intentional as you said "withholding of resources that s/he/they *know* greatly impact my stability and my ability to be autonomous , which is the last thing they want. I experienced gaslighting and DARVO, my first perpetrator being my parents as a child. My emotional (appropriate reaction) to their daily, unpredictable domestic abuse and violence, somehow calmed them down. I never heard of the term narcissistic vivification. This is what's been pulled on me recently. I dream of no contact and getting out of the place I am, that is just some scary repetition compulsion of the past. Thank you so much for this video
I give him the same treatment he gives me all the time and he hates it. It pisses him off and I don't care if you treat me like shit... well guess what I'm going to give right back to you. I'm no doormat and I won't put up with it either.
