Sometimes it takes a Twitter screwup to teach you something really important. A discussion about “gaslighting” in social media and beyond. zdoggmd.com/inc...
Just rewatched this. I absolutely love that you learned from your mistakes and publicly made a teachable moment for the general public. That kind of humility and candor is rare and special in this world...thanks for setting a good example. (And for proving that it can happen while still being fun and sarcastic and "edgy")
K Butler When I say I look up to him, I mean in the medical field. Not in all things. Please keep that in mind. I probably should have been more clear. 😊
My schizophrenic mom used to gaslight me. She would talk to herself, turn my light on in the middle of the night, play music really loudly, then tell me that it was all my imagination. Once, I had to call the police because she was trying to hurt me and she later denied that this had ever happened. After I called the police they had her stay in a mental facility for a month. She still tells me that I called the police for no reason. I thought I had some sort of mental illness through most of my twenties.
The-Whovian-Ravenclaw- Hamilfan gaslighting can harm millions and does! Folks that gaslight can do it like a it and run. They are so good at it they hit you w/it different ways.
Pseudonym? Wow! I just watched zdogg’s video and am just learning about this subject! Just wanted to say to you that I’m so very sorry you had to live thru that kind of Hell growing up !!!.... My heart truly broke for you and just imaging having to grow up enduring that !! Glad you are helping people become educated with different types of mental illness and perhaps gain some compassion for the mentally ill and their families!
I’m really glad you addressed this! The tweet rubbed me the wrong way but I’m not one to call people out online lol. I’m sure your viewers appreciate this apology/explanation. You could have just deleted the tweet and moved on, but you took the time to read up on the subject and make this video. I wish more people were that self-aware. 👍🏻
The problem is that once you figure out someone is gaslighting you, you can’t stand to be around them anymore. That’s a problem if they are a “colleague”.
Thank you so much for educating yourself and others! As someone who experienced it herself at the hands of several toxic exes it means a lot to see you talking about it.
My ex husband was a gas lighter. I had no idea there was a term for it back then. I ran across it some time after leaving him. I remember him constantly telling me my memory was faulty, and would tell anyone that would listen that I warped the facts. He told me I was stupid, called me an idiot, said I had no common sense. He accused me of having certain THOUGHTS. I couldn’t even THINK around him. If I made a face he didn’t like, suddenly the face was evidence that I wanted to leave him. Well of course I wanted to leave him; he was abusive! But I would still feel horrible after he called me out on it and it would make me stay. Took me 8 years to leave. We would argue over the stupidest crap. Like our green couch, he would tell me it was brown and then insist I was color blind. Or if he promised he would take out the trash after dinner, he’d lie and say he never said that, that I imagined it and was crazy. Our entire marriage, everything that went wrong was because I was crazy/mental/etc. He also isolated me by telling me all his family and friends thought I was rude. I had the worst social anxiety when I left him. Damn, I am so happy to be out of there.
It's not just something that is done and over with. The results linger. I lived with it for about 25 years (from a very trusted and beloved relative - and this person IS a physician. The children involved asked, "Can't he be arrested for this?" Answer: no. All authorities seem to care about is if you have outward bruising.). I have to continually work to avoid bitterness, doubt, and some paranoia. If that isn't evil, I have no idea what might be your definition.
Mc Kenna I can relate. My mother was emotionally abusive and manipulative all of my life. I finally cut her out of life (well, I cut her out as much as I can while my grandparents are still alive) a couple years ago, so that’s more than 30 years of her abusing me. Her favorite abuse method was gaslighting. From very, very mundane, seemingly inconsequential details to making me doubt my whole reality. Some of her gaslighting, I believe, was subconscious or otherwise unintentional, but a lot of it was absolutely intentional. Because the more I doubted myself and feared the world around me, the more I would lean on her and depend on her for everything. When I’ve told people about some of the myriad ways she abused and manipulated me, a lot of people ask why I didn’t tell anyone. Well, for one, she’s my mother. I thought her treatment of me was normal for a long time, so why would I have gone to a school counselor to talk about it? Two, when I got older and realized some of this stuff wasn’t normal and I *did* tell teachers or counselors about this incident or that one, when they talked to my mother about it, she would make up very convincing lies about me having “mental problems”, being a “pathological liar”, or about my dad “brainwashing” me against her. Of course, she was the one that had mental problems, was a pathological liar, and that constantly tried to poison my brother and I against our dad. But who is the counselor or teacher usually going to believe? And when a kid tells a counselor about abuse, then the counselor turns around and tells the abuser about it so that the abuser can then use it against the kid, is that kid really going to feel safe telling counselors or teachers or almost any adult about it ever again? But the other issue is like you said, there’s this pervasive idea that it’s not abuse unless it’s sexual or physical. So, I think the teachers/counselors didn’t think they had to report anything I told them to authorities because in their minds none of it was abuse. When I was 14 my dad was finally able to fight for custody of me to get me away from my mother. Our lawyer showed time and time again how she emotionally abused me, borderline sexually abused me (made me walk around naked or almost naked so she could tell me all the ways my body was “hideous”), etc, yet I was almost sent back to live with her because the judge said that wasn’t abuse! The only thing that prevented me from being sent back to her was that she got caught working together with a psychiatrist friend to falsify medical records saying that I was mentally disabled, incapable of making my own decisions about anything, and that my dad was physically and mentally abusing me. If she hadn’t been caught, and if that lie had worked, I likely not only would have gone back to live with her, but not been allowed to see my dad until I was 18. But even after all that, there was no police or child services involvement and I was still forced to have visitation with her every-other-weekend and for at least a month every summer. Because as far as the court was concerned, none of that was abusive. I wasn’t sexually assaulted by her or my stepdad and by my own admission neither of them had done anything to physically abuse me, therefore there was no abuse at all. I’m 35 and am still dealing with the mental and emotional fallout she caused me. I likely will be dealing with it the rest of my life.
I can emphasize with you all too well.. My husband of 17 years everyone thinks he is a saint,funny,hard-working,and give the shirt off his back! I am at the other end of the stick and those people would never ever believe me
Annie I am so sorry Annie so very sorry but I get you absolutely! In addition to my current relationship,a past relationship no one would believe me so I never bothered. I had also watched my mother being abused by her boyfriend and was sexually molested 3 times (yes 3) by different adult males being frightened and confused about what was happening. I am 45 and was never informed about sexual abuse or molestation until an episode of "Different Strokes" came about and that was finally when I became aware.
I really want to thank you for taking the time to do this video explanation. I have been subjected to this form of abuse all my childhood but I did not know what it was until now. You have not only enlightened me to this issue but you have given me the confidence I need to finally seek counseling and defend myself from the abuser in future attacks. Thank you for taking the time to do this. You have helped more than you will ever know.
I am a chronic pain patient I was told I would feel better of the meds I was on for 15 years. It didn't work. I was told so many things including it being my fault for not listening. I can't sit up. I can barely make it to the bathroom. I black out around the house now and have had seizures. I never blacked out before this change. Its abuse. This anti opiate movement is killing me. I was thrown in a mental hospital 3 times last year for asking for help. I have been told to go home and shut up or go back to the mental hospital. I need help and I'm not getting it. I was told by my Neuropsychologist not to go of the meds because my pain was permanent and I would start blacking out, have seizures, and it can kill me. I was told I had CRPS and peripheral neuropathy after a large tumor was removed from inside my spinal cord and I had MRSA in my spinal fluid. That was at UCSF in 2009 by Dr. Chou. He save my life twice. I was sent to St. Maries. They thought I would never walk again. They were amazed when I pushed myself to take a few steps and I wouldn't have ever been able to do that without their help and that included the meds. Now I'm scared for my future. I do not want to live like this. I'm in pain and need help. I know I am not alone with this problem. Its disturbing to me that this has been accepted by so many.
Very sorry to hear you are dealing with this. You are collateral damage in the largely falsified "opioid epidemic," and you are not alone. God gave us wonderfully effective natural medication in opiates, and the government has worked to demonize them, while aiding the black market and influx of tainted and deadly synthetics. The war on people under the guise of fighting drugs has resulted in scaring most "medical professionals," who are too afraid of the potential loss of their careers and liberty to treat pain patients. Only a small minority of pain treatment specialists resist the lie of interventional pain treatment, which is risky, largely unproven, and often ineffective, especially when not used in conjunction with pain relieving medication. I lost someone in 2017, after ten years of standing with him and being an advocate, simply fighting to keep his unbearable back pain controlled. I watched the systematic attack on him as practically every doctor in the large city we lived in labeled him a drug seeker, and law enforcement endlessly harrassed him, simply for seeking relief. Even his own family members grew to believe he might have been more of an addict than patient. In the end, he felt he could not escape the situation, or his relentless pain, and was one of thousands & thousands of Americans who felt forced to end their own life because of it. It is gaslighting💯, and it is being done to millions of Americans suffering with pain. There is a little more awareness of the situation now, but the problem not only persists, it continues to get worse as politicians keep reducing pharmaceutical production of these vital medications. There are some outspoken doctors who resist the gaslighting and fight for the rights of pain patients, but they are seemingly few and far in between. I pray you are able to stay strong and keep a doctor that helps you.🙏 Just remember you are not crazy for wanting to be out of pain, and don't let anyone tell you a lack of medicine, or the guidelines that were developed by a political agenda, will be beneficial to you when you know the opposite to be true. You are not an addict, or weak, because medication that has been around for thousands of years helps you retain quality of life. Best wishes.
Thank you! This is a very well done video. One thing that I might add is that narcissist use gaslighting also. They use it because narcissistic people do not like talking fault or being blamed for things they do. So they use gaslighting to make you doubt yourself and reality.
I think my nurse manager was gaslighting me. We were seriously overworked and understaffed to the point where many nurses and aides had quit and many rooms on the unit were empty because there were not enough available staff to legally admit more patients to the unit. The manager denied that work expectations were unreasonable, refused to make any changes, and wrote me up as incompetent for not getting all the work done. Very interesting to hear you say that gaslighting is often unintentional - perhaps this manager was deluding herself as well based on what hospital administrators were telling her. I didn't last long there and I'm much happier at my new job.
It was used in our family for years. It was a normal thing growing up. Until I grew up and got wiser, attending college helped me tremendously to see the truth. My family was very toxic, when I allowed it. As of a few years ago I no longer allow it
It’s something that all Cluster B personality disordered people do. It’s a very classic, well used trait of Narcissists, who also happen to prey on empathetic people.
watching this myself and realizing that i have unintentionally gaslighted my boyfriend of almost five years and didn't even realize it. even when he told me. now the positions have switched and he is unintentionally doing it to me as well when it comes to me supposedly not hearing him correctly during phone conversations. ugh.
I don't have anything to add really to your comment other than to say it is Admiral that you as a female admitted to doing this yourself, and admitting that the problem that caused is now your boyfriend does it to you. Seems logical to me but the most admirable part if you did not choose to be victimized by it.. life is full of struggles. Regardless if it's Mother Nature a speed trap are yes violent Criminal something or someone is out to get us. I believe acting as though you're a victim only weakens you
THANK YOU for this video!!! My hubby’s 2nd Exwife has been a gaslighter since the moment I entered the picture! 17 years ago... She’s poisoned too many of my in-laws... If I hear, “Well she’s (stepdaughter’s) mom; Sorry...” from these people once, I heard it 500 times! The damage done is deviation on a level that hurts so deeply... Time has proven to heal wounds. But, the scars are gnarly! And, now, I’m watching a close set of friends going through a nasty, drawn out end to their marriage - she is trying to gaslight... but, most of our friends are smart & know what’s up. We try to reason with her - to explain that trying to undermine her husband with her lies is truly going to hurt her kids in the end. So, I shared this video with the husband to help him feel less crazy about it all... because, as soon as he feels like he is “moving on” is when she mind-f’s him most. And, THIS is my very long winded way of sharing with you that YOU IMMEDIATELY ARE HELPING A LOT OF MY LOVED ONES with this video 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I always thought about gaslighting in the context of the couple of people who have gaslighted me, but I realized after watching this video, that perhaps once or twice, I was the gaslighter, unconsciously, when I was in an angry state. This video was eye opening for me, and I'll be more conscious of my behavior. Thanks ZDoggMD.
True you don't have to be weak, you can even know what their doing, but if you are exhausted and have been hijacked away from the home area where people who know you well could help intervene, or guard your loved one, while you sleep or shower or wash clothes, and have already had them pull weird BS, repeatedly from the first three minutes of experience there, them using your loved one as their hostage isn't easy to dismiss.
I spent most of my life thinking I was crazy and extremely stupid because of my mother’s gaslighting. I’m 35 and have cut her out of my life as much as I can, and I’m just now coming to terms with how deeply her abuse has affected me and my life. When you’re a kid that grows up with an abusive parent (or abusive parental figure) it can affect the way your brain is wired. It can cause you to associate abuse with love and affection, which later can lead to some very toxic non-familial relationships. It’s extremely insidious and it isn’t treated with the seriousness it deserves. I’ve been told that I wasn’t abused because my mother never sexually or physically assaulted me. I’ve been told that calling myself a child abuse victim/survivor is “an insult to real abuse victims” and that I am trivializing what “real” victims go through. This idea that abuse only counts if it’s physical abuse needs to be stomped out. It took years and years for me to accept that my mother was abusive and just how abusive she was because of that toxic idea. It caused me to doubt the reality of both the emotional and physical abuse my first serious boyfriend used against me. I would love it if this channel used this as a chance to talk about this topic and similar ones even more. It needs more awareness brought to it and more stigma taken from it.
Funny thing actually seeing someone post the very definition of this term gaslighting today, ultimately leading up to me checking out exactly what ur videos content might help further my understanding. Ur admission of fault along with other examples helped me not only see how its used figuratively but in many ways from quite a few angles am subjected to its ferocity by some of the closet people i know. Thou confidence may have stemmed as a counter knowing dam well i knew of what it is i spake of not all insecurity can empower. Its hasnt always been manipulative, coping mech, habitual, u seem better at assessing its root than i either way it can afflict trama- effectively. Ty sir
Gaslighting happens to chronic pain patients all the time by doctors... especially to those of us who have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, or other connective tissue disorders. If a doctor is illiterate in our condition, has no willingness to learn or listen, our symptoms are all in our heads and we're dismissed, often times with horrible consequences. Before my dx, and after anterior lumbar fusion in '12, I developed DVT in my left leg. The vascular surgeon who assisted in my fusion dismissed my symptoms and sent me home. I returned 2 days later, even worse. The same surgeon AND the ER doctor told me to stop crying and go home. I was lucky another doctor happened to walk by, hear me crying in pain, came in to see why, and saw my leg. I was dx'd with May-Thurner Syndrome, have 3 abdominal stents, and was told that this was the most severe DVT the new surgeon had seen in his career. I was 2 minutes away from being gaslighted to my death.
I appreciate that you took the time out to research this subject and learn from an innocent misperception. My issue with this term “ gaslighting “ is that currently “ narcissism “ is a label now become trendy and bouncing around like a ball. I often become annoyed with these “ psych label “ trends because before this everyone had “ Aspies “ which was the cool way of saying that a child had Asperger’s Syndrome and before that the trend was everyone had ADHD! That being said; it is important to educate people on how “ gaslighting “ works and the subtlety of this abuse tactic. I’m an RN and as such I feel as healthcare workers who especially in some areas must be watchful for signs of domestic violence it’s important to be aware that is a horrific form of abuse that through the healthcare providers eyes; is often misinterpreted by being fooled into believing the “gaslighter” and and not believing the victim because they are so convincing. I grew up in a household where there was the master of this ability to alter over time reality. I then married one and lived in it again. After literally decades of this type of mental abuse; I had actually developed a severe mental illness myself to the extreme of bipolar 1 and ultimately placed on disability for these unstable moods untreatable by medication. I was diagnosed at age 30. Today I am 51 and after what was deemed a permanent disability; I’m now back to work and doing what I was called to do in this life. The treatment for which drugs could not fix in the beginning has be putting together a team of mental health professionals, being blatantly honest from the start good or bad about myself and where my head was at. I have spent 2 decades now in regular psychotherapy who serves also as the front line guy to help the psychiatrist make better decisions and choices within his practice and treatment of my case. Both stay within their scope of practice but work together from different locations to harness this beast. Last year the turning point came as a long standing pattern of abuse was finally understood because it took that long for me to let it out. These things cannot be forced out because of their nature and patience is key. When it finally did though; what was revealed to us all was my severe mental illness was most likely a coping mechanism in the beginning; that over years of this “ gaslighting “ resulted from this form and other forms of abuse associated with this behavior from someone else’s mental illness they they are clueless they have and would not agree to admit to the problem for treatment even if they did. The appropriate medications have now been found that I will always need; psychotherapy is now more of life coaching; but also through the addition of what I call my “ hippie time “ slowing down my mind and and focusing on nothing but breathing and the sound of the clock ticking for about 15 minuets each day has put me back into the drivers seat and we watch for the early signs of decompensation catching things before they become a big problem. After all of this; I can spot this behavior a mile away and I don’t say anything to that person who does it. The best way to handle this behavior is not to fuel it! Be aware that it exists and these people are extremely good at what they do. They are very believable!! Block, block, delete and no contact is imperative for the victims wellbeing.In the healthcare setting; I would be amiss if I didn’t also mention once again the gender bias we know is sadly present and the female who appears to be the crazy one is taken for just that when the male abuser is standing there lying with a straight face dead into the doctor; nurse; or social worker and believed. Love what you’re doing out here Zdogg and am a regular watcher. I just felt I needed to share this on the topic of the video as I normally read the comments but do not make any.
This happened to me, and I always had an idea that the guy didn't know that he was doing it. Its very hurtful, no one should be subject to it. Thanks for the information.
Great Topic! I am an educator...in the classroom I am seeing “Bullying victims” often being dishonest about the victimizers...and in some cases they are the aggressor going after someone they want to get in trouble...or they are just seeking attention. With the Bullying Workshops that consultants are making bank trying to get educators to have programmed responses to accusations, that seems to hinder classroom educators use of common sense. My conundrum is that I see people who claim to be the victims of bullying, like you see opioid seekers.
as one who lived with an abuser, I can tell you gaslighting is real. he had my mind so messed up I didn't know if i saw what i saw or heard what I heard. It took me a long time to be able to come to terms with my own self
Remember that old classic movie "The Wizard of OZ"? Remember how the wicked witch had help from her evil flying monkeys? If a gaslighter/psychological bully turns other people in your workplace against you, that means he/she has turned them into their own flying monkeys. Please refer to the YT video "Flying Monkeys".
I feel it's highly disrespectful of people to throw around the gaslighting accusation during tiffs on social media. I worked at a group home specializing in girls who had been trafficked and sexually exploited. The home had just opened, 8 staff had been trained heavily on what we would experience, what the girls would have experienced, how to counsel them through their experiences, how to understand their cognitive declines during arguments and the psychology behind tense situations, as well as how to safely restrain them if things came to that point. I loved working with the girls. I was what they called a "House parent" and I had a partner and there was a set of 2 other partners so that we could switch off because we lived there 4 days on, 3 days off, 3 days on, 4 days off alternating. At night, a night staff member would come in so we could go to bed and know someone was there if the girls needed them. My first partner was extremely abusive towards me and she was eventually fired because of it and one of the night shift became my new partner and things were great with her for awhile. But, after she left night shift, that left only 1 other night shift person that had been properly trained. She was on nights 7 nights a week (can you even imagine?!) and after 3 weeks like this, she needed a break. Knowing that I have insomnia, I was asked to stay up (after already been up all day) and do night shift as well as my day shift. Legally, that is wrong but it was always stressed that we had just started and we needed to keep going and it was promised that another night shift person would be hired. A new night shift person was never hired so I would occasionally be asked to stay up after doing the day shift as well until it got to the point that the CEO said "it's ok. You can just go ahead and go to bed. Don't worry about it." I knew that was wrong legally but I didn't know what to do. I was also exhausted and my partner was starting to ask what was going on with me out of the blue and I said that she was already aware that I was covering both day and night shifts but she was making it seem that I was off mentally. Not in a demeaning sort of way but out of concern. One night, because she didn't have a night person to talk to, one of the girls said she wanted to leave (we are not a prison so if a girl wants to leave, we have to let her. But we also have to file an extensive missing person's report with the police who really don't care when they find out it's a group home calling because the girls usually come back 1 or 2 days later) I had to stay up all night talking with police and filing the report and typing up another one to be sent within 24 hours of the incident to the government. This happened in the middle of the night so after working on reports all night I fell asleep at the desk in the office at some point. The next thing I knew, my partner was waking me up and asking what the hell had happened. I explained what had happened and she asked why I didn't get her up. First of all, the girl had threatened to punch me if I even knocked on the bedroom door where my partner and I sleep so I didn't. Secondly, it didn't make sense to me to wake up another person who needed to be able to function the next day because I knew that I would be toast the next day. The CEO came down hard on me for how I'd handled it, even though I had done it responsibly and with forethought of my coworkers. I was sent home as punishment. (mind you, the other Houseparents were having problems of their own with the CEO and one had already quit a couple of months before this incident) That night after being sent home, I was texted by both my partner and the CEO to come in the next day to take a few of the girls to the beach because they were under staffed (insert the "come here go away" mindfuckery) I went to the beach with them but was again promptly sent home after we got back. My partner who I'd been very close with was now very distant and was parroting things to me that I had heard the CEO say and realized the CEO had gotten in her head as well and was gaslighting us both against each other. I refused to be a part of it, I don't even think my partner realized she was being used. I gave my 2 weeks notice after all the pressure and left after 6 months with the group home. About 3 months into the job, the project manager had announced to us that she was leaving. She had been instrumental in building the home, organizing everything, and training us so it came as a shock and we could all tell that she was leaving because of bad blood but we didn't push the issue. One of the other Houseparents who been a long time family friend of the CEOs was promoted to some random made up position but in conversation with her, I could tell she was concerned about it as well. Not long after I left, she and my partner both quit. Out of 8 of us that started there, only 1 of us remains and 7 of us had quit after 6 or 7 months of working there. This was in 2017 and I've still got a lot of anxiety surrounding it. It was literally terrifying thinking that you're losing your mind but in reality, you were getting mind screwed. Up was down, cold was hot, right was wrong. Oh, not to mention, the CEO had lied on live TV to our state senator who had taken a tour and told him the home was half full of girls when we'd only been open a month and only had 1 girl living with us at the time. I don't know what her and her husband's motives are or if they have a darker secret but I know they are horrible lying people that ruined a lot of lives and even marriages. So, when people toss out "gaslighting" in such a cavalier way, it's frustrating because they don't have a clue what real gaslighting actually feels like.
Its people like you. Who are open minded to the world around you, that will start to make a difference and let people start realizing this is a real thing and it can be done to almost anybody anywhere anytime anyplace
Until this video, everything I understood about "gaslighting" came from that episode of Star Trek where Picard is tortured every time he tells the truth about the light. While that was always a hopeful reminder to maintain one's resolve against everyday untruths ("if Picard can stick to the truth through actual beatings, I can probably sit awkwardly in this corporate meeting after speaking the truth"), ZDoggMD made this subject much more real and relatable.
I am a victim of real gaslighting,. My abuser would make me believe that a time when they showed up at my work, hit me in the face and the police were called never happened. I know it sounds crazy but they really made me believe that I was somehow making these stories up. Real gaslighting is very scary, I questioned everything about myself it took others to help me realize I wasn’t crazy.
Interesting topic, as a middle school teacher, I see this kind of behavior all of the time in my students when they are bullying one another but have never heard the term.
Just thinking out loud here - always thinking and discussing - trying to learn new things: My apologies for this tl/dr but some germane thoughts here. You did a wonderful thing by bringing attention to this evil deed. I agree that there is at least some truth to the idea that online accusations of gaslighting are erroneous - considering that the internet is merely a debate platform and the person being accused of gaslighting has no access to the accuser’s environs to perpetrate the gaslighting by getting up close and personal on a chronic basis. Has online gas lighting accusations replaced the hitler accusations of many years ago? I’ve heard that accusing people of hitler ideology was one of the most popular online ways to argue many years ago. Sometimes you just get really mad at someone and want to insult or accuse them of something so you use whatever argument is most popular in our current lexicon. I wonder how many people attempt to gaslight but their intended victim knows what they’re doing from the first attempt. It’s hard for a child student to trick an adult teacher just as it’s hard to trick someone that’s smarter than you. It would be easy for the gaslighting attempt to fail because, 1st the gas lighter would need to have the respect of the victim. 2nd, the vicim would need to have minimum social access to others so that the gas lighter’s opinion is the only one that matters. 3rd, the intended victim may have a strong sense of right and wrong and immediately recognize the would be gas lighter as evil and shun them - even if they don’t know there’s a name for it. Personally, I just called it pathological evil and childish to think it’d work. Also, I learned as a very young child that the good lord never rewards evil. Many fools believe, wrongly so, that there is no right or wrong - that God’s laws do not matter - so they may do as they wish. They eventually learn. Some may call it karma, but I call it God. Almost forgot about state sponsored gas lighting - Russian insulin gulags - imprisoning dissidents in mental hospitals for punishment and re-education. I wonder how many other countries do that. Just when you think humans could not possibly be any more evil - there ya go for another example. Misanthropy has its benefits, at least you’ll never again be disappointed by your fellow man.
Dr. Z, I do not know statistics on this phenomenon. Perhaps my study of ASPD and such have biased my interpretation of prevalence. It isn't agreed upon by psychologists/mental health professionals the exact number (or degree to that number, based off PCL-R research) the tendencies, but it sounds low to my knowledge. Such depth is what took me on the professional journey; deep stuff. Appreciate your insight and humility. One of my fav channels.
This made me think of that Shaggy song ,"Wasn't me" where his girlfriend saw him with another woman, but he said "Wasn't me" over and over that she doubted what she saw.
I'd like to add that gaslighting was particularly effective on me bc it started several years before I was diagnosed with my mental illnesses & continued for several years after, by a now-ex-fiancé who started as a best friend who "walked-up" to me at a depressed & suicidal time in my life. There were also physical attempts on my life & at least a few [that I can remember] suspicious accidents. So, just some things to look out for if the situation is increasing in intensity. But leaving can be dangerous, so have a plan & get help.
I'm not sure if I've had this but I've had someone try to guilt me into a relationship with them and then I'd be upset and crying thinking that I did something wrong when I told them no over and over again. (This has been going on for years.) They kept the line of "I'm better for you" bs when no, even if I did stop seeing the person I was seeing that still wouldn't make me see them in that way. Then I was the bad guy for not giving in when they were "nice" to me. Then you don't know who to trust because of the motives that they might have. It took me talking to my BFF for me to finally get what was going on after I showed them everything they said to me. He helped me see that I wasn't wrong, that what was happening was abuse. It's a cruel thing to do to someone, act like their friend but not really wanting to be their friend. Is that gaslighting? I'm free of that now luckily but still... it hurts having your empathy used against you.
For ten years I was with a man that would constantly bring up how I remember things wrong. And when hed tell at me he'd phrase his sentences to make me seem horrible. And when I'd bring it up hed say that wasn't how it happened. Hed say because of the way I grew up I had PTSD so forgot everything and would change history to the point I started to wonder if many I had early onset Alzheimers. And phrase how he talked about our fights(him yelling at me for no reason) to friends as I was the fighter
One for me might have been when I showed up to work and the charge nurse told me i had been terminated and wasn't to be there anymore. When I went to file unemployment I got a call from the person there saying my employer said I just "stopped showing up." I think that might be gaslighting.
My nurse manager was gaslighting me. Called me unprofessional and disrespectful for my legit concerns as a 31 year pediatric critical care nurse. I just resigned.
The real tricky issue is when abusers accuse YOU of being the one gaslighting. I had a really abusive friend once who would say I said things that absolutely never happened and when I would say hmmm ok sounds like you're feeling hurt when did I say that? She would accuse ME of gaslighting her and then proceed to say that I DID say those things and was constantly abusing her. Yeah. I def wasn't. Of course this was also someone who, during her student teaching, told several students she'd date them once they were over 18 b/c they were cute and attractive and also believed she saw fairies.
I couldn’t help but laugh at the fact that I was eating super crunchy bacon at the 6:30 mark 😂 I stopped chewing and looked around like omg. Thanks for the info on Gaslighting Z. I didn’t even know what that meant. I still don’t have a completely understanding but it’s making me think.
we need to dive into this concept a bit more in a group conversation - I'm really trying to understand the divide that I see on social media and am struggling to put my finger on the general loss of rationale...something everyone is susceptible to now and then...but for some it is a constant state of being...
is it bad that i just realized that i was being gasslighted in the whole relationship i had been in for 10 years? i mean i knew she was using lies as a coping mech from her own past but i never put the two together.
Oh don't i know about gaslighting. When my parents kicked me out their home and later said I left in my own terms. Apparently "I took things too seriously."
Next, talk about medical gaslighting. I’ve been endlessly told that everything I’m dealing with because my surgeon didn’t listen when I endlessly listed every red flag symptom of cauda equina syndrome from the moment I woke up from spine surgery. Nobody believed me or cared. They told me that they wouldn’t give me any more pain meds even though I was shaking and crying in agony. I kept telling them that something was really wrong but they didn’t care. All one surgeon kept demanding was that I had to smile so I’d look pretty. This went on for four days until they did an mri and did emergency surgery but by that time the nerve damage was permanent. Every doctor I turned to for help after that told me that whatever I was experiencing was all in my head and that I was making it all up. They called me hysterical and yelled at me to get over it already. I have serious ptsd because of the abuse that went on for years from multiple doctors and I now have no trust in any of them. I’ve been left to figure out how to manage all the symptoms of CES completely on my own because doctors dismissed everything I said. I’m overweight and gained more weight from the meds I was on so I was constantly lectured on how fat I was. Some appointments, that was all I heard was endless fat jokes. I honestly hate doctors now and will never trust any of them again. I live in constant pain and misery and wish I was dead.
I'm a survivor of domestic violence my abuser used gaslighting on me I didn't know what it was until after I left the relationship and joined a few facebook groups for dv survivors and did some research
I’m a physician and I was a victim of gaslighting. In a toxic relationship me and my old fashioned parents were made to believe that I’m bipolar and unfit to practice medicine. They believed it and took me to multiple psychiatrist and I was placed on medications. My illness was just the miserable dysfunctional relationship I was in. As soon as I got out I was fine. I’m on no meds and have a thriving private hospitalist practice. So thankful to you for bringing it up Zubin. I feel that your content is so great but too esoteric for the average mind. Do you think it will be beneficial to engage general public to spread the message abt health 3.0 and all the great stuff you bring up. I wanted to share your vlogs with my high school BF. She went to Georgetown and studied IR but honestly I don’t think she will get it , since she is not in the medical field. Are you only targeting health care providers ?
I really enjoy all of his videos. I am in the medical field and understand everything he says. I think your comment is insulting to many of his viewers. You don't have to be a physician to follow the content.
I had a manager like that on the mother /baby unit, had to take her to the union, , eventually she had to step down after I left, rotten to the core, I think nurses should have personality tests done before hiring. She did everything you mentioned, even told me I couldnt do anything right, never mind I had been an RN for 15 yrs, peds and medsurg
good discussion. But what T shirt are you wearing? I almost recognize it. And is that a sign of my physician's standard-issue OCD trait? By the way, in your list of 1% who are likely to gaslight and not care, you left out current sitting Presidents...
a "co-worker" is like this. says one thing then says that is not what they meant, or that's not what they did, when you see them do it right in front of you after confronting them. I have reported it, but nothing is being done. I don't call it gaslighting when I talk to my bosses about it, but it is annoying, when their is nothing you can do about, even after reporting it.
I always thought that gaslighting involved cars, like cutting in front of someone at a red light or something like that, until a few months ago, lol. This kind of sounds like what some people used to do to me, but now that I'm older, I can see through the bs usually. It happened mostly because I was/still am abit gullible, but I'm working that too.
I live with some one who does this to me . It was working but im strong , i saw through it after a couple years . Your right tho i dont think they know they do it . It is evil . Just remember you are you , dont listen to others if you know their wrong in your heart .
You may be right about a high pre test probably if you consider that persons recovering from abusive relationships who have been gasslighted are more likely to A: recognize the pattern or language of gaslighting and B: are likely to have PTSD stemming from their abusive relationship.
Back at the time you posted this, "gaslighting" was just the new word that people thought they had learned and knew the actual definition. Add it to the many words that English speakers misuse and misuse OFTEN.
Sherry M I’d say that it’s a type of brainwashing. There’s other ways an abuser can brainwash a victim and brainwashing can be done to achieve different ends than gaslighting. Gaslighting is specific brainwashing method.
I used to think it was about cutting people off at red lights or something like that when I first heard that. Than, I looked it up a few months back and that's when I realized that some of my "family" and "friends" were like this.
My court appointed lawyer and judge always gaslights me .I am 45.every legal case I have had since I was 15 was handled by people who all were gaslighting me.every court appointed lawyer I ever had always was there to gaslight me.why I have never committed suicide from all this is the only thing that surprises me?
Men are actually more likely to be emotionally abused, depending on the kind, women are more likely to experience property damage and isolation though. This is because men are more likely to be degraded, I don't think this study included gaslighting specifically. the study: www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3876290/
LOL! I thought that it meant lighting farts (I've clearly lived in the Ozarks too long!). Holy cow! This was some interesting stuff. I may have been blind to this in the past. Learn something new everyday.
He’s not wrong about gaslighting per se, but he is wrong about the movie. The husband gaslights his wife by stealing her things and then telling her that she lost them and by telling her something then denying having said it. He enlists the maid’s help in confusing his wife that way. The dimming of lights only comes in when he begins going into the house next door to search for something, turns on the gas lights there, which dims the lights in her house. The literal gas light is how he gets caught. Not how he confuses her.
Interesting from the historic cinema sense, but a little fractured from my view. Doing something "unconsciously" can't count as gaslighting - a conscious act. Sowing doubt amongst co-workers is sabotage of the person, but not gaslighting the individual. There's another level of actualization required.
