She's an excellent communicator. She doesn't sugarcoat things to spare your feelings. She tells it like it is. I love clear communication. Leaves no room for error.
Yet she is sugarcoating her feelings. She needs to ask the man is he gay or bi sexual, in private just between them, because that is apart of why she broke it off from him. She knows deep down she is not what he truly wants despite him having love for her. But she is his best friend and he does not want to lose her, so that more than anything why they both are so sad. She even said in the interview "It's my hope that you work to be more open with me..that you're being kind to yourself." I believe she knows
@@nadia4999 I feel she's a great communicator. I beg to differ; she didn't sugarcoat; instead, she is allowing him to open up on his timing. He admitted that he was hesitant to reveal himself in fear of losing her; she heard him and then challenged him to open up; on the strength of their friendship. I believe she handled that as a great friend: take your time; I am here to listen when you're ready. That's a beautiful companionship. I wonder, though, if he desires to be in a polyamorous relationship with her, and that's the real question he is hiding. Overall I felt this was a beautiful discussion/interaction.
this is what i was thinking-- in some way i am envious about how clearly she is able to do so; whenever i want to get a certain point across i always find myself breaking down LOL
It can't be romantic love, whatever that is suppose to mean, when the man wants to be with men too. Maybe that is apart of his depression and what he is battling. He needs to just let it go and be who he feels he is. She knows he loves her, and she loves him, but she knows they are best friends. Any man and woman that are so called best friends, but not together there is a reason or several reasons. And 1 reason is because he likes men like you do.
@@alissabee5923 She broke up with him because she knew he would not break up with her. He loves her, and she loves him, but it's like a dependent type of love, and not a love between two healthy individuals. She did the best thing for herself in a sense hoping it would force him to just come out with it, and be himself. But in his head he is afraid he will lose her totally, and he already knows he has disappointed her because he can't really give her what she wants. She needs to tell him she understands, and they will always be friends no matter what. She needs to find her a Man and keep it moving.
Seems like she was the one to end the relationship.... extremely brave girl, that takes a tremendous amount of courage to walk away from someone you love so deeply for 9 years...
@@infotech6075 Cultivating a healthy relationship is a lot more than just loving someone, and for whatever reason, she felt like she needed to end it, doesn't mean that she didn't love him though
@@loomonda18 Women are leaving men at a 80% rate in marriage. That's not called having courage that's called not bring dedicated enough to work through your issues. Like marriage, relationships are hardwork to maintain. By statistics, the problem with alot of women is when the hardwork part comes around they give up. I don't know their relationship history so I'm not going to go all the way in, but if she wasn't being beat or cheated on I find it hard to believe she loved him that deeply when she left, seriously.
@@infotech6075 It takes a lot more to have a functioning relationship that just to be madly in love, despite what Hollywood and Netflix tell you. Because at the end of the day you have to deal with life and if your core values and wishes don't align it's just better to walk away than to break trying to make something work that just won't.
Oooh this felt familiar. “ I might’ve would’ve stayed longer but doesn’t mean it would have lasted”. Choose happiness. Choose purpose. Choose yourself.
@@soph9060 he suppresses his feelings to keep everyone else in a good space or to keep the peace but she would rather him say whats on his mind so that they can work together to resolve the issue.
Better to stay friends, than bring kids in, and resent one another because one wanted a family and the other didn’t. If your core values don’t align, don’t force it. There are over a billion people on this planet, find someone else
It already is based on his response of feeling regret once she starts a family with someone else. It’s beautiful that they were able to end things amicably, but that’s also the primary reason why it will be difficult to rid those feelings.
You heard “confused”? I thought he was also strong in his decision about not having children but was reconsidering marriage to her, as he was realizing how their dynamic may shift again and not support the friendship once she is married to someone else. “Doing the other side of life”. Either way I loved see young black people being so self aware and able to communicate, gives me hope
She is strong in her decision because she loves him. She knows she is not what he truly wants. He has not fully accepted who he is, and she seems to be waiting for him to stop battling within himself, and just admit that he is gay. He is confused, because he wants her in his life, but she is not being fulfilled in a way that maybe she believes a woman should feel for a man. She is not aroused or feel romantic vibes from him. I mean the purple hair is one clue. He is like her girlfriend, but he is a man, and thus her best friend, yet they are not together. She had no choice but to set him free.
@@zenaisoffline862 I am not sure, but he comes off in this video as such. He might not even realize it himself, or maybe he does, and he is fighting it which is okay. Either way, the 1 female he loves broke up with him because she knows something is just off.
I thought it was bc he wasn’t interested in women... she’s the one that wishes it could last....he just doesn’t know what he wants exactly point proven @8:30......
Omg I need a part 2,3 & 4 of them! It feels like their story is still being written! Please let’s have them back like a year from now to see where they’re at!
To be honest, as deep as this seems, I could very much see her not communicating with him in a year because she is confused by his behavior and she realizes how much growing and personal reflection he needs to do before he can be what she wants and needs. Staying friends in a situation like that can be confusing, and kinda hurtful. Sometimes you just need to cut the ropes...
I feel like I'm watching myself right now. Two months ago I ended a 6 years relationship because he didn't believe in marriage, he didn't want to have kids, and we were planning on going to Canada together but in the end he said he didn't want to go. He was saying "yes" to everything because of the love he felt for me but he had different goals. He wants me back but what's the point if we don't agree on those things? The pain in my chest has been incredible, I've never cried this much in my life, but I have to stay true to myself and so does he. I hope we could see each other again some day and realize this was the best for both of us.
I had the same feeling! I went through this too! I ended my 6-year long relationship last September. It was SO hard to do and I still miss him, but I still feel it was the right decision, because just like the people in this video, I wanted more verbal affirmation/more affection in general, and I wanted children and he didn't. Also, we broke up for similar reasons once three years ago. Then we got back together and tried again, and we still couldn't compromise because finally, we just don't want the same things in life or the same kind of relationship. Soooooo nothing has changed except now I'm older. He's a great person, but it's just not a sustainable dynamic, and I know I deserve more. Your situation sounds similar. It sounds like he doesn't want the same things as you. I'm sure he had a ton of love for you, but sadly, it's true: sometimes love is not enough. From one person who went through this to another, sending you support and affirmation. You're right to stick to your guns and not get back with him if you know he's not going to be able to give you what you want. It's hard AF, but it sounds like it absolutely was the right decision. Sending all of the support!
I don’t like that he asked the marriage q but I loved her answer. He doesn’t want her to give up on him but he’s not ready yet and she clearly needs more than he can offer her at that time.
I'm actually glad he did. He needed to know and understand how she feels about that option ever being there. He also needed to know that marriage doesn't mean forever, necessarily and know that it wouldn't fix the issues.
I love the fact that are mature enough to maintain their friendship after the romantic part of them ended. Their openness is refreshing. . . Elon was giving me Kerry Washington vibes.
@@soulfullygraced2521 I most def agree... but he could just mean some things he wanted to do/try in bed and maybe she didn’t want to🤷🏾♀️. Just trying to give him the benefit of the doubt here
A lot of these comments are concerning because it seems like y'all either fell for the proposal line or his lovesick gaze. Her response was PERFECT. Hypothetical or not, to flip from not wanting marriage & kids to proposing on her way out is incredibly manipulative. I'm so glad she shook off the shock he was hoping for and kept her mind clear. This seems like it's even a draining friendship since she's shouldering the bulk of the emotional intelligence, communication while he's still clearly pining. I hope they consider trying to detach - BEST friend exes are just a mess anyway. 💜
This was an interesting take on the conversation, I didn't realize this until you said it. I also feel like perhaps he didn't mean to be manipulative and is still just pining after her, I feel like he asked that honestly without ill intent (even though it's still manipulative at face value - but maybe he didn't recognize that - I also could just be naive lol!)
@@iRockU96 No, you're absolutely right! I didn't want to make my comment too long 🥴, but was going to get into how not all manipulation is malicious or even intentional. A lot of us play mind games daily without realizing it. So he may have been genuine to some degree about wondering how she would have answered back then, but his facial expressions during her reply also gave me "it was worth a shot" vibes 😂 She is very mature but holding onto this situation so closely has too much backfire potential and she already said it gives new partners pause. Mentioning she felt safe with him also sounds more like familiarity. This only ends okay if he first starts to work through his reasoning for having a negative opinion of family *AND* starts to reach her level to share the emotional load. 🤷🏿♀️
Its called growing up and growing apart. He is wearing an emotional mask, and has fear of vulnerability and abandonment, which can create a soul tie of codependency, and she may have expressed this through her anxiety.
I am mesmerized by her way of communicating. She needs to create a curriculum for an AP Conversation class. Or teach Advanced Level Dialogue 101. Ma'am! 🎓🎓
@@shellcharles3633 I think the same thing. She used a lot of big words that made her sound more articulated however she wasn’t really saying anything. She also was telling him a lot of how HE was feeling which is not good communication to tell someone else what THEY feel.
I hate that it's so common for men to feel this way. Being afraid to freely express themselves without fear of judgement or abandonment. I wish men were given better tools for communication and intimacy. Society truly has failed men as a whole.
Thankfully as a gay man who was given the ability to express my self as a adult to my family, friendship and failed and ongoing intimate relationships. I got the tools to express my intimate side of myself without feeling judge or abandoned.
This feels so familiar. She’s sitting there with her teenage love trying to talk to him about what went wrong and while she grown up and she knows what she wants he’s still that teenage boy and he still has a lot of growing up to do. The love is still there, and it might not even happen with anyone else in the way that it was there before, but she has to move on for her life and her futures sake. Because she can’t just keep waiting for him to finally grow up and be able to communicate and work towards what she wants in life.
That timetable can be treacherous, I suggest young women beware, now in my 40's I can tell you most of my women friends are disappointed in letting go of those young loves looking for the guy who was more mature, more established, etc..... Life is long, forever is even longer, so if you plan on being with someone forever why not give it the time it deserves?
@@quincyhyde8760 Imagine suggesting to a man or woman to take a 50/50 on very, serious non-negotiables. "Childhood best friends with no communication skills in the relationship, and still struggling through that now + one partner wants to get married and the other doesn't want kids and doesn't see the point in marriage."
Why are people shocked that they can and do speak with depth and honesty. I readily admit that the average couple never attain this level of communication together, but 1) their both intelligent with a vocabulary 2) she's undergone specific therapy to address and attack her anxieties 3) they have a friendship that spans the majority of their lives on earth.
He seems like he has an avoidant personality type. He is afraid of being abandoned, so he pulls away, he doesn't show himself fully, he won't commit fully (marriage etc)
Man if that isn’t me. It’s a defense mechanism and it not only isn’t fair to your partner but you also end up missing out on vulnerable connections and it sucks. I am starting therapy soon.
I’m struggling so hard to learn how to communicate like this lady right here. I appreciate her clarity in expressing herself without attacking or self pity. God bless her. I wish this guy well too. He is trying and that’s beautiful
They are so self-aware and introspective and there is so much love between them. 10:30 “The eyes, Chico! They never lie”. This video gave me all the feels!
OMGosh...I adore her!!! She'd be a bomb therapist. She deserves someone capable of loving her as deeply and richly as she loves them. Best wishes to them both.
That was VERY intense. I feel like I couldn't even breathe listening to them...really her. That's somebody who has worked on herself and know exactly who she is. And same for the dude, but....just...wow.
They really do love one another. I can especially see it in his eyes and in the way that he expresses himself to her. There is nothing more wonderful in this life than love. I hope that they give love another try when they get older and more mature.
@@DiamondlightT @Infinity 369 He is. He seems to have some commitment and abandonment issues. I think that she loves him, but those issues made her bow out of loving him the way that she used to. I was once in love with someone who was emotionally unavailable, and once I learned that I could never have that person the way that I truly wanted and needed them I knew that I had to make a conscious decision to move on with my life. We just weren't meant to be. And that's okay. We live and we learn. These two are still really young, and I hope that they don't let time slip away then look back with regrets.
You can be in love with someone, but unfortunately that is not always “the one”. Sometimes the one you loved and didn’t end up with makes you learn your biggest lesson in life.
@@sydneymichelle8357 That is so true! I'm so grateful that he and I met, and I learned a lot about myself in the short time that we spent together. I wouldn't take it back even if I could, but I can't lie and say that being in love alone while with him wasn't one of the hardest things I've ever experienced. I love him still, but I've finally come to accept that we just weren't meant to be. I hope that these two mature and experience life but while going down separate paths they understand that the love they have is rare, and it should never be taken for granted.
wow, she is amazing at articulating herself and understanding him without retorting to any negativity, that is great talent. Wish them both the best in life!
I’m going through my first break up in an adult relationship and it’s so life changing and hard. This video helped me, though. I feel not alone in the pain and complexity that is relationships and heart break. We also ended it on good terms, just needed different things
Time truly heals ladies. I’ve wiped many tears. And it sounds so cliche but... you are enough. Once you truly learn that and love yourself, real unconditional love will come because you wont even tolerate anything less. And if it doesn’t you’ll still be fine. I’m married now for 10 years but break ups were trying especially because I wanted to be in a loving relationship so bad but that thought process was so toxic and I’m sure I was giving off desperado vibes even though I tried not to. Moral is this will strengthen you. Think of it as an emotional workout
@@mrs.harris933 thank you for the empowering words. I already knew I have a lot to heal and to truly learn self love, and I know this is just a part of that process. Sending you good vibes back!
I think she seems so psychologically astute and mature and that he's a little young for her. Not ready or interested in getting married, but "What if I'd have asked you?". What the hell! I think a lot of men are not interested in the committment but don't want a woman to move on to someone who is. It's like they want to reserve her (string her along). I'm sure this could go both ways too with women not wanting the commitment.
I don't believe that a person not wanting to be in a committed, monogamous relationship equates to emotional immaturity. There could be a number of reasons for this, all which would be valid. You could be as emotionally mature as is possible and still not want to get married. And that's ok! Being able to acknowledge and communicate that is be a brave thing to do when we are fed a very specific script about what romantic relationships 'should' look like in our society. I believe that actually, no one relationship is better than another. A monogamous marriage with children isn't for everyone and that is okay. Timing and where we are with ourselves (health, mental health, the relationship we have with ourselves, ambitions, dreams, career) can also be a huge factor. I think it's a very normal human experience to know deep down that something isn't for you - and to also - still feel some regret and sadness that you lost something that has been very important to you for a long time. At the end of the day, loving someone you can't be with (for any reason) is frickin hard. My two cents. I agree that Elon is very self aware and an awesome communicator :) What an awesome interview
you could see the confusion and frustration that formed when she thought he meant that he was going to propose, because that was what seemed to be a key part in why they broke up, then she realized he asked "what if I was going to"
Oh my gosh, you two seem both still so in love. If you look up attachment styles, my guess is that he is an avoidant type. My husband and I dealt with this (I was fearful-anxious type). The only way to fix it is to go to therapy (not forever), but just long enough to understand each other. He probably longs for the relationship, but also feels more comfortable with the distance in this friendship form, while she wanted more and that's why they couldn't make it work. The kids thing is important too, and could be a reason to not be together, but his lack of desire for kids might also be attached to his distancing attachment style. Hope he explores this and they can possibly give this a shot before it is too late. I could be totally wrong here, but that was just my impression. I wish them both luck! They both have beautiful hearts!
She seems to have such a calm genuine soul. Very rare to come across women like that. I could definitely see why a man would be hung up over her. Obviously I don’t know the ins and outs of the relationship but she seems super dope.
The Mckinsons here..... We are early!!! It is sooo refreshing to see young people communicating so effectively. Great to see as we often leave relationships with no closure but having closure is the best. He really does adore her, look how he looks at her!!!
I admire her. She aspires to follow her own dreams and knows that both not sharing those dreams completely, that it was time to depart, but they both do seem better as friends. It’s sad it took almost a decade but i do see why because they were so young at 19 and i feel like he is unsure of what he truly wants, most likely acts out of fear from reaching a point of anxiety which is why he mentioned The Marriage question, he didnt want to lose her to prevent the mental damage in himself and she had the perfect answer to his question.
@A T my gaydar was through the roooooooooof but I’ve learnt to retract myself from imposing sexuality to people tho.. maybe it’s just his prettiness that his blindsiding but dang
This is a beautiful, open, and honest conversation. It’s clear they know and deeply care for each other. I hope they can both have closure. She seems to have a clear vision of what she wants and needs. Bless them both. ❤️
Whoa! this was so good, they look young, however im 35 and I felt this!.. She answered very articulate. I commend them for this !! I just recently went through a relationship and we cut it off and I feel as though im looking in a mirror. However the guy wanted children etc and I dont. My main reason for letting it go was because of Lewis "Biggest Fear" this was very powerful
@@jessicamcdaniels2337 Marriage, 100%...I have children and he doesnt. I know I don't want anymore...and i cant block him from that blessing. I love and respect him to much.
Omgosh she is so articulate, he was not ready for her but that's ok because I don't feel like they should have been together, if anything it was comfortable and familiar for them to couple up. It seems as if he is afraid to harm her with whatever he is holding back.
Their relationship seems so good together, sucks when it doesn’t work how you want it to. At least they are able to continue being good friends. Whatever they have, it’s beautiful.
It could be that people just process & express their feelings differently. She’s definitely more in tune/able to articulate her feelings than he with his, but that doesn’t mean he loves her any less than she loves him. She also said a big part of her identity (now) was formed/shaped bc of her experiences w him and seeing how she wants to continue their friendship, it does seem that she values him a whole lot 🧡
They were together for too many years for him to not be able to articulate how he feels. Hopefully, he can be able to reflect on this relationship and treat the next woman right.
@@jadegossip4430 Armchair psychologists are my favorite. Especially when they have a hard-on for hating on dudes. BTW, I'd be perfectly fine with wasting your time, ma'am. Well into your late 20s. I'd string you along for fun. 😍
Just an example of how a woman matures faster than a man. Good luck girl on your marriage and family soon.....or maybe ot is on now. Good luck son on your goals.
I’m not coming for you in any way but i always hate when people say this mostly because it is used to excuse the behavior of men. Although women’s brains do tend to physically mature and form connections faster, it all comes down to how women are socialized vs. how men are socialized. Because society expects women to be mature caretakers from a young age, naturally their brains have adapted to this stress and started to mature faster. But that does not mean every woman is more mature than every man. If we held men to the same standard as women they would gain maturity around the same time. I just think this is a harmful narrative but again i am not attacking you and this little rant was me being dramatic
@@LoveKhadi I see what you mean. I don't like exuses either. I am glad though this lady didn't waste more time on trying to mould him into a Man who can be her husband. Instead she is moving on, he remains her good friend. We women tend to stick to one who we think we love while he actually does not want all this. He just wanna have fun. She can see the big picture and it is a sign of her maturity big time. Good job.
@@brixhaven1196 that's not points that's condescending because how many times do you here them tell a white person you're articulate its assumed because they see that as being normal..😒
She is definitely a psychologist at heart. Taking into consideration the reasoning behind a person's behavior as opposed to taking offense. She is wise beyond her years and so articulate. She needs someone a little older perhaps. She ahead of her age.
Wow, Elon is so wise and emotionally intelligent. It's very interesting to see how well she articulates her thoughts and emotions. You go girl!! You've got this 🙌🏿🙌🏿🙌🏿
They should stay friends and not be in a relationship. Long term they have core issues that are not resolvable without someone living a life they don’t want. Their relationship has to be reestablished in order to maintain friendship with their future spouses otherwise it’s going to be a jealous mess. When he described his biggest fear it seemed like he’s not going to be ok with her moving on and being happy. That’s definitely a red flag but the fact they were able to communicate all of this is amazing
He seems not to be able to convey his heart to her. In nine years, there should be some type of articulation between two people. Elon can articulate her feelings so well. I think she dodged a bomb, because he's just not on the same plane as she is mind wise. When the man for her comes along, she will have progressed into a wife and mother and being happy. He on the other hand will most definitely have regrets for losing a gem like Elon. I definitely wish them both the best!
He clearly is sad she left...Karma I guess. He doesn't realize that once she finds a good man he will be toast and kicked out of that friend zone he is enjoying...
He is her ex. .who she now considers to be her best friend. She still loves him. He's not going anywhere. If you can be best friends with someone you loved... Then you still do. Have an awesome day 😊
Yeah. Just my thoughts, but he’ll likely be kicked out the friend zone IF she finds someone new that she is very serious about on the level of marriage. When he spoke about being best friends and how they are everything to each other, that type of relationship won’t be able to exist in that capacity as she begins to be vulnerable, intimate and create that emotional closeness with the partner she chooses to be with long term. The space she holds for him now while she is single will Deff change on some level and, given that he seems confused still (holding on to hope), I’m not sure how he’ll handle her moving on or growing closer with other people and inevitably investing less time in their friendship. I’d imagine they’d likely be distant acquaintances best case b/c maintaining the exact same close, intimate friendship where he seems attached will get in the way of any new relationship either person chooses to build in the future. He still seems emotionally dependent on her and I can see why because she is very emotionally intelligent.
I agree with you wholeheartedly. He may be being naive if he thinks that level of emotional intimacy can continue indefinitely. In fact, I think she will doing herself a grave disservice if she does not have boundaries with him. He forfeited that level of intimacy when the relationship ended.
Genuinely asking, where did you feel he displayed maturity? There are so many comments like this, I must've missed something he did or said because I honestly feel like I didn't even watch the same video.
It seems like he knows she's a good woman, and he doesn't want to give her what she wants but also doesn't want to see her move on from him. He wants to have his cake and eat it, too. He seems emotionally unintelligent, manipulative, and lost while she's the opposite and I feel like the dynamic here is unhealthy for her specifically, but she stays anyway because they have such a long and entangled history. I don't think this friendship can last if she ever wants to be truly healthy and happy, he will always hold her back. Part of this power he has over the dynamic is thanks to how important he is to her, I think he knows this, but she does not yet.
Ummm don't think we can judge other people's relationships based on a 10 min video...there's so much we don't know. Just appreciate the openness and learn from this people whatever you can...no need to judge :)
@@bookswithjp I disagree. I think a lot can be revealed from a 10-minute video. I'm sure you form opinions about people just by looking at them, even more so after talking to them. We all do. Not to mention, this is not a casual superficial conversation about the weather they had, they went into deep conversation about very personal and specific issues or things that occurred. So yes, you can most definitely judge based on a 10min video, especially one that is this open.
@@iliak4063 I do agree with a lot of things you said. This is for sure nothing trivial and of course we all make opinions in our heads, not saying I don't. But it's one thing to imagine our version of their story and it's another to pretend that we know everything about the story because we watched this tiny window. And I believe this because humans are complex creatures with complex problems. Sure, they went deep into conversation, presenting some glimpses of the story...but is that everything? Imagine you're looking at the shore of a body of water (just the shore)! Just because we recognize water doesn't mean we can measure the size of the body...is it a small pond? a lake? the ocean? We just know that there were problems but we can't fully comprehend a relationship that's taken years in a couple of minutes (imo).
@@bookswithjp Well, I never once said I know for sure what's going on, that's why I said multiple times in my original comment "it seems", "he seems", "I think", etc. So again, to me, this video was most definitely enough, and I think my comment was very accurate. For example, if someone admits to putting their hands on their partner, I don't need to observe their entire relationship from beginning to end to know it's abusive, that comment is enough.