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I have been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder for six years now, and you are the closest person I can identify with. I have enjoyed your videos and how self aware you are. Thank you for your videos!
Thank you for this. I go through long periods of stability and during those times I honestly feel I am normal. It's only when I look back at my journals or recall episodes that I am reminded that all it would take is a stressful circumstance to send me back over the edge. It is such a strange existence!
This is my son :( absolute denial and zero understanding or desire to understand he has been and is ill. And refuses to engage but he does take his medication. Thank you Lauren again for your videos x
The reason your son is not engaged is because you are sedating him with a neuroleptic chemical lobotomy? Why should he be engaged if you shrunk his brain? You are the problem, not him.
@@alexsmith8765 my wife is in jail, facing 16 years in prison due to this disorder. A "neuropaleptic lobotomy" would have been more ideal. Go f**k yourself.
I worked in pharmacy for 27 years. What I do not understand is why so many people would stop taking their medication. They will even admit how well it helps them, then when they are well they think they can go off the medication.What happens then they are worse off than before & takes them longer to get better..My cousin & Aunt have schizophrenia & my great grandmother did as well. I think you are doing a wonderful job in explaing this illness so all can understand it & understand what the person is going thru Have a lovely weekend ( Judy )
Just a few reasons: I take pills for my schizoaffective disorder that comes from "trusted" pharmacy laboratories but since there's a business behind the whole health system with people behind, I don't know each person behind the business, do you? I had the worst and the best experiences with the health system where I live (Argentina) so in my experience I can tell you I'd rather try to overcome the schizoaffective disorder instead of taking pills for lifetime. Another reason, maybe the more important, is because as you would probably know when you take a pill your body needs to process the drug and everything inside the pill so, the more pills you take because you get older and probably more illnesses may or may not appear, the more your body will struggle to process every drug, so again, I'd rather try to live a healthy life and stay away from medications by only taking priority medications as long as I decide it with my doctor. At first sight it seems basic to think "people would stop taking their medications when they need it" but I think is a more complex and different situation for every patient. Sometimes having too many treatments for other illnesses can drive you to choose wrongly but no one really care, even doctors doesn't know how you're living so they would just prescribe the drug and see what happens in a few months and then repeating the same process if something went wrong. Finally, sometimes patients stop taking their meds at once and not gradually as it is recommended. =)
What I noticed with my family members is: it is when they are already started down the path of instability that they decide they don't need the medication. So if they had additional stressors or unrest, and they are already feeling out of sorts, it is then that they make a poor/not of sound mind decision to quit their meds, or they start forgetting to take them.
The mental illness itself must come into play too Matthew, because most people taking medication (for ANY ailment) acknowledge that the medication is what is what keeps them stable. For instance, if a person needs insulin for diabetes, or blood pressure pills for high blood pressure, they know that if they stop using the meds their disease activity will return.
Fair comment, Michelle. I believe that can be said for many types of meds, but with other ailments perhaps people have more support (and motivation) to find one that may work better for them. Also, a medication works reasonably well for one (or ten) years may suddenly become less effective; then a person has to go through the struggle of trying to find another option ....
I am desperate about my situation with my love one!! I see all the syntoms all 10 ! But he doesn't, he believes everything he feels is real,, And I can not help him! Sometimes I think that I am the one that is sick. You can not imagine what your videos had helped me !! I have hope that one day I will be able to help him. Thank you.
I totally feel for you. My ex was the same , I couldn't tell if it's anosognosia or denial. Possibly a bit of both, maybe one or the other at a time. Problem is he would get mad at me if I mentioned his mental health when he was in a state of not believing it. Like you said at times I doubted my own sanity. Hope you are well
I definitely suffer with this and had no idea. Makes me feel less alone. Some days I’ll admit I’m schizoaffective and autistic but most days I think my doctors are out to get me. I definitely get the ebb and flow. Some days I fully accept what I have and medicate, some days I fight, and most days are somewhere inbetween.
Coming close to 10K subscribers. I sincerely hope as you grow that you continue to get QUALITY subscribers and comments as well as quantity. This is such an important resource for so many people. Keep up the great work! :)
I refuse medication due to severe side effects, i'v tried so many meds but seem to be super sensitive to side effects. I'm not anti medication though as i have seen others have a lot of success on medication, just hoping one day to find one that works for me. Oops sorry for getting slightly of topic, all the best.
I find you incredibly brave, and I hope you continue making these videos, there is still a stigma against mental health and by talking about it and making it open and something we can understand is really important. Thank you.
you are telling the truth, for yourself, and thus for many others. keep it up. you are a very gifted person to be able to talk about this so clearly and calmly.
I always knew I was very ill. I just could not see the point of always talking about how I was wrong about everything. Too much is made of lack of insight. The key question is whether someone is safe for themselves and others. People with very strange views can be safe for themselves and others. My point is individuals with schizophrenia can not be asked to give up the concept of truth and if someone is being forced to admit all the time that they are totally clueless they are effectively being pushed into holding that truth has no meaning for them. They are being pushed into being nihilists. My comments are not in any way a criticism about how you are handling your illness. Your approach to handling your illness is absolutely terrific. Part of that is you are standing your ground on what you know to be true. You know as much as a PhD psychologist about schizophrenia.
Thank you. I have just learned of this today. I’ve not ever heard of this prior. I’ve been looking for answers as to why my brother who is not diagnosed, can’t see that he is so sick. I am grateful for the knowledge and hopeful o can lead him to help he so badly needs so he can live a life that brings him some kind of joy. He is so lost now and I can’t get through to him at all. I don’t know what else to do but I am grateful for an explanation as to what he might have. Blessing to you and anyone else who may be confused and who are suffering.
Slightly off topic, and not to undermine the importance of the topic at hand, but that shirt you're wearing in this video is so gorgeous, it's calling out to my soul! ❤
You are incredibly eloquent. I really like that you explain your illness so easily to understand and very fluently! Thank you very much for all the information.
Thanks for the quick and informative video! I'm currently dealing with a loved one with this and it's been very difficult. Hopefully we can get through to them. I know for myself, I'm usually fairly aware of my own issues, but I also know that maybe I'm not actually as aware as I think. And I think that skepticism has aided me a lot in avoiding a situation like my loved one's. I learned as a kid/early teen that I have OCD, and that sometimes my brain lies to me and makes me believe false stuff. I think that experience early on helped me with being able to tackle other disorders, including what we think is schizoaffective. I've grown accustomed to asking myself why I feel a certain way or why I think a certain thing. Even just mundane things like "oh, that shirt is pretty. Hmm, why do I think the shirt is pretty? Well, maybe because it's a bright fun color and has ruffles. I know I like bright colors and think many things with ruffles are pretty, so it would make sense then that I think this shirt is pretty. I still don't know for absolute sure why, but I do think that shirt is pretty." I don't know for sure that my habit of talking to myself like that and always asking questions while being slightly skeptical of myself is why I'm seemingly doing much better than my loved one, but I'm fairly certain it's helped a lot. Maybe it can help whoever winds up reading this comment. I hope you at least come across something else that helps!
Great explanation! I’ve never had this issue with my bipolar or OCD - I can tell when those are worsening, but I was recently diagnosed with an eating disorder and learned that it’s common for ED too, because the brain is starved. Right note, early on, I don’t think my restricting is that big of a problem (get praised for losing 50+ lbs actually), don’t see any real reason to recover. Like you said, just arming yourself with information can be a powerful tool. Learning about anosognosia and the neurobiological roots of ED is making me much more willing to participate in treatment. It’s still way harder than I expected - I thought it was “just start eating again” and apparently it’s a *bit* more involved and time consuming than that.
I really appreciate your videos. My son has severe mental health issues and has yet to be properly diagnosed. However, one of his most difficult symptoms is having deeply fixed delusions. What would you suggest regarding the fact that he in no way thinks there is anything wrong with him and will not accept any possibility of having a mental illness. There have been a number of mental health assessments done and a few very short attempts at medication. He has suffered many consequences, including being in jail for minor crimes committed due to his behaviors, substance abuse , self-harming, homelessness and suicidal episodes. He is 27 and this has been a journey of 8 years now. He is waiting a sentencing trial where he may be admitted to a State mental Hospital. My heart is broken and I have so much fear for my son and his future. Your videos are inspiring and my hope would be that he can find his way as you show so honestly and beautifully. All the best and gratitude for you and your work, Holly Rae mother of Brady Chance.
I’m so sorry. I feel your words. I am here because my adult younger brother is experiencing similar. I am in the very beginning of educating myself as to how to help him when most have given up because they think he can just behave if he wanted to. He is not able to comprehend how sick he is and thinks our family hates him. My sister is done and blames him, my mother is elderly and my dad passed. Losing our Dad would be when his behavior began to get out of control but we thought it was extreme grief. He continued to decline. He is now homeless. I am trying my best to find a glimmer of hope that he will be able to live with joy if we can get him to get help. I pray I can get through to him.
I love watching your channel and find it both insightful and inspiring. Someday I would like to publicly share my story, however my story is intense and could definitely be frightening for some people. I have been on a long and steady, but positive road to recovery. I take meds regularly and they have positive impacts on me. I have also been spiritual my whole life and have had experiences to where I cannot deny that they were not real in someway. I see my experiences as having both a physical and spiritual aspect to them. I see that recovery is both physical as well as spiritual, emotional, mental, and psychological all at once. And I believe that medications aren’t everything. So also diet is, necessary, as well as good sleep, exercise, mindfulness, education, and I tend to find meditation really helpful. Thanks for reading.
This is what I struggle with and actually the reason I was watching videos on schizoaffective. To get a better grasp on what Im experiencing. My wife is my biggest supporter and makes sure I take my meds. She can tell when Ive missed and when she points it out to me I can tell, but nit until someone on the outside tells me. It's biomechanical denial you could ssy. Your brain cant perceive it's own dysfunction.
Great Job! I am very proud of your effort to teach about this disorder. I have a better understanding of this disorder and will show more kindness toward people dealing with illness.
Oh wow this explains why 3 of my old friends are not getting treated right now (not positive but it doesn’t seem like they are). My anxiety and pure O have me the opposite. I feel like I 100% need my meds to function and am hyper aware of my thoughts and mental / emotional status. It’s honestly exhausting. Ty for sharing your experiences, it’s helping me a lot in understanding the disorder.
Thank you for sharing your experience in a way that everyone will (should) be able to understand. I have a masters in psychology with training in psychotherapy, specialist experience with patients in long-tern psych care. I support nursing assistants/nurses and guide them in their work, so that they in turn can best approach and support people with schizophrenia or other primary psyhotic conditions/diagnoses, I hope you're doing well and getting the support you need. Warm greetings from Sweden.
I'm not sure if you have covered this off elsewhere @Living Well With Schizophrenia, but years ago a psychiatrist explained my family members illness by saying that (while active) all of her sub-conscious thoughts are flooding to the conscious level, so that she wasn't able to segregate and process any one independent thought. That combined with her paranoia (also present in her instance) was entirely over-whelming. Perhaps medical advancements have led to a better description by now, but what is your understanding of a layman's description of events?
It's wonderful that you have a realization of your disease and symptoms and thank you so much for these informative video's. I live with my 44 year old daughter who was diagnosed with schizophrenia/schizoeffective disorder 3 years ago, but I think she started showing symptoms years ago. I went to 10 weeks of Nami meetings to understand and I do have more empathy and compassion My daughter still believes that the voices are real. The voices want her in prison and she believes they will succeed putting her there. If she believes they're real what can I do to help her. She has a tormented life and her phychiatrist has been of no help. Different medications have not helped. Any suggestions?
My fiance is schitzoaffective & he is still hearing to voices even on his antipsychotic meds (he says they're just not as bad as before meds). I'm so confused & so trying to understand but it's so much. Are the meds suppose to make the voices go away or just turn them down some ? Can't get a clear answer from any medical staff.
In my opinion the opposite of the term anosognosia could be applied to being someone who are curious and open about their symptoms and want to deal with it and understand them, but in common sense that word means that: you have this disease, its a chemical imbalance, stay on meds for the rest of your life. So it really can mean two different way of looking at things. I mean what you mentioned that you are researching your illness that's very open perspectice and good but so many more methods than bio-genetic stuff. But sorry I don't want to speak from a mountain high and peer support groups would be a great help (I had friends being at psych and they're all said that the biggest help was the accepting community, so that's very interesting, see how much community means for every human being? :). I try to see mental stuff which coming from a person psyche, her lifestyle, her relationships and the community and the interplay of these phenomena. Thats valuable that someone taking responsibility for him or herself.
Anosognosia means that someone does not have "Gnosis" of something, in this case that the person with Anosognosia can not see their "Self" because of lack of understanding of it, there's no conscious introspection on their illness or problem.
I've wondered for some time now if there could br a way to turn the schezophrenic allucinations into positives allucinations, like a shoulder angel always telling you nice stuff to help you.
Nah it's usually dark and just negative atleast for me.. I haven't been diagnosed but show all the symptoms of schizophrenia and it's bringing back my depression.. the fact that there's something there that only I can see and no one else can, and I don't even know if it can hurt me or not, or in general uncertainty of what I'll see just fucks me up.. atleast it's not positive in any way for me..
Theres has been a study that showed that people living in ghana, accra and people living in chennai, india hear mostly or even up to only positive voices. So there's the question whether the voices being negative or positive has to do with culture.
@@bads5780 no I haven't.. my parents aren't really supportive of mental health so I gotta wait till I'm 18 so I can get help alone.. Also, I'm from India, maybe it's different for people but no the voices are almost always negative(I guess that's just me tho..)
@@camellia1942 i dont know how old u are but if you're really experiencing these symptoms then u should really try your best to go see a doctor, because if you do have schizophrenia or something similar, then the earlier you start treatment the better you will be able to handle the illness. Of course I dont know ur living situations and not everyone has the privilege to get diagnosed and get medical help. I dont know if youre just young and dont realise the matter of this mental illness, thats why i wanted to say that. If you really dont have any way to get diagnosed until you're eightteen then I'm really sorry for u, thats a really tough situation to be in and i hope it gets better! Sorry if my english is bad.
Is anosognosia a form of denial? Not wanting to have a diagnosis and/or a stigma of sorts. Is it kinda the thought of not wanting to deal with schizophrenia or schizoaffective dx. Or just wanting to be "normal". Lauren, I've learned alot from your videos. Thanks so much
It's a shame that people have conditions that prevents them from the most basic things in day to day life. Fuck, what is it like to sleep and the first few minutes of the wake up period?
My ex fiancee was bi polar, schizophrenic and had psychotic tendencies. She was amazing on her medication. Respidol. Off her medication she was uncontrollable and made many bad choices in our relationship together as did I. She would never talk about anything we me. No communication. I said we should go to relationship counseling, though she didn't think she was part of the problem and never went with me. She was and her and i and the kids suffered for that even till today. Thought control and emotion control is the toughest for some young women because they were never taught by their parents as kids. Love yourself and learn to focus on positive thoughts and feelings (loving and happy). Stay away from bad thoughts and emotions that will make you angry and put yourself in pain.
This is of course a particularly important symptom for inpatient nurses to address. Any suggestions you'd have for the population of inpatient psych nurses who want to address this with the patients in their care would be very helpful. Last night I had a patient who told me he didn't want to take his medications for bipolar disorder because psychiatry is not objective and subjective things are irrelevant. I told him that it seemed like the subjective experiences with his illness of everyone in his family including himself were very painful experiences and the medicine helped with that, in perfect as it is. He took the medicine and I really don't know if what I said helped, but he certainly slept well for the first time on the unit, and left me wondering if he'd been cheeking every dose until then.
I would like to see a video like that as well. I have gained 100lbs over the course of 4 years on olanzapine. I only eat once a day, and very moderate portions. and I exercise once a day. and the weight still keeps slowly climbing.
Hi my employer was diagnosed of schizophrenia with anosognosia. And the main problem is she is thinking that I am a threat to her and she wanted to get rid of me but I can't leave them in such a situation like this. I`ve been working for them for 22 years. She stopped taking meds for over a year and having this relapse. Please help!
Anosognesia, at first, for me, was very difficult. I didn't fully grasp the severity of it. Took me a full month to identify anosognesia, after attending NAM connections. Now I can learn from it and what to do "if I go into another relapse of schizophrenia. You have well-researched material, very informative.
I’m 100% for raising more awareness about mental illness. But i’m a little curious if normalizing the illness more will make the person suffering feel even more anastignosia, sorry I spelt that wrong lol, or make them feel as if their illness is the norm if that makes any scene.
Hello, I just discovered your channel most likely based on some research I have been doing regarding a family member. While the do not have Schizophrenia, they do have some similar issues as you have talked about. This video perfectly describes the situation this person is in now and has been for years now. It is a combination of denial and having issues with understanding some of the world around them. As we have learned, unfortunately we cannot really help them if they do not want or do not believe that they need help. Was there a point in your journey, (I am still working thru your videos so I appologize if you have addressed this) that you finally realized you had these issues and you accepted and understood what you needed to be done? Is there a way someone helped you break through the denial or sincere belief that you were not having these issues? Just the few videos I have watched does give me hope that they will come through this rough time and get the help they need. Thank you for creating these videos as I think they the overall ideas can be applied to many different kinds of mental illness.
Would you say your insight was better on medication whilst off medication that insight was absent ? Only when you changed the zoom of your perception through medication you were able to see the difference clearly? I'm not diagnosed bipolar or schizophrenia. But this popped up on my feed today and resonates for whatever my condition is. I'm diagnosed with adhd, depression etc and haven't been on meds for years.. I've almost forgot what it was like and feel like I'm so caught in it I have little insight other than living out the negative systems which are the same as yours. Im curious about how that feels for someone with schizophrenia. Do you feel everything's peachy and things are working in your life ?
Yeah and unfortunately those people don't think they have mental illness and when they truely do it gets dangerous like once they stop taking medicine their sytoms returns
Huh, I think there's a similar thing with people who have depressive disorders and ADHD - it's not *just* denial, you actively aren't aware that your symptoms have gotten worse even when it's outwardly very obvious.
Oh my, You look so good with your "problem". I have a question, my sister isn't responding well to their medication, she don't won't go to hospital (again) she don't want to use meds, visit any kind of therapist. She was better some time ago but she used to take an antidepressant medication. Now she couldn't get it because she wont go to proper doctor only her family doctor.So can i ask you what kind of medication You are using. I believe that US psychiatry is better than that in Poland. Maybe I could propose her newer medication.
my question is, how do you assist a client who is so unaware of their dx and denies having schizophrenia? How do you help bring this client into awareness when they continue to deny it?
I have a sister I love deeply who suffering from this. She recently lost close relationships, has two Kids who are unaware of what’s going on, and maybe on the scopes of losing her job. Unfortunately she is the provider for her and her children. I’m devastated. Any suggestions? She’s been having minor psychosis schizophrenia episodes. I just don’t know. Help anyone?
Making this kind of videos are they helpful therapy. Pardon the question but is there a trigger effect that makes your illness act up. N. Is talking about better than not.
Thank you for making these videos..Good work, keep it up! I would like to know few things related to this disease.please give me a reply (anyone who reads my comment can give a reply too, plz) 1) Is it important that a person suffering from schizophrenia must be aware of his/her disease before starting treatment? 2)what can we do to those patients who are not willing to consult a doctor? 3) Is there any home remedies for schizophrenia? Somebody please reply to these questions..I am literally lost in my life by not being able to find treatment for my schizophrenic mom..I need help..Somebody please advice.
This is still not helpful in the case of how to accept it. My mother has been suffering denial since 15years which has made my life miserable. But she is not even 0.01% Co cooperative or even ready to listen to if I talk about her behaviour. How can you help someone in such extreme denial. Someone who doesn't have episode of denial but just living everyday, every minute every second in that denial?
I'd say yes. Because you have a contrast of before and after. But its also quite a shock when you start hallucinating because of no prior hallucinations. Quite sudden. Took me 2 yrs to put it together that I had schizophrenia.
My husband is affraid to get help, and he hates me because i will not lie to him and say i believe that the voices he hears are real. But i tell him the voices are real to him, and that the trauma he feels because of the things they say is real. I fear he will kill himself, and I will have failed to help him
My sister was recently diagnosed with schizophrenia the medication she is taking makes her rock back and forth constantly and she cannot stand it the rocking is making her not want to take her medication do you have any advice for this
I do not mean to intrude in your life or offend you in any way and I truely want help others like you. Do you experience any siezure like symptoms or do you black out when you are off of your medication? If yes, please reply back...even privately if you wish so.
i have a question and would appreciate it if you could answer i have a friend who tell me that he have these conversations sometimes which come randomly not on command with someone who he knew as a child. he told me that voice or that being he talks to doesn't tell him bad things and it is friendly. he acknowledge that it isn't real and it is a voice but he doesn't admit that it is schizophrenia. so my question is how can i approach him about the situation because i am very worried of it developing and being bad and at the same time i appreciate that he told me these things but i don't want to make him feel ashamed with my concern. he had a history of dark thoughts before so that makes me feel the he is subtable to developing this disorder. and if you have any advice about the situation or resources that would help that would be much appreciated
ZIAD LABIB this happened to a friend of mine and she came to me with it. She had extreme paranoia also, and she was a roommate so I saw some pretty scary things during an episode. I took her to a doctor appointment I had set for myself and explained the things she had told me. She was able to look concerned but down play everything. At the time I hadn't seen everything yet, and the doctor completely dismissed everything. After her episode, I called her parents. Getting in touch with family that they have a good relationship with is very important. Her parents were able to get her help immediately even though she was not open to it at that time. Many Months after the ordeal, I was afraid that she'd be angry with me, but she wasn't... However, she would not admit that she had schizophrenia and just downplayed everything to just being side affects to medications that she was taking that clashed. I talked to her mom shortly after who confirmed that she was in fact diagnosed with schizophrenia and a couple of other things. I'm so happy she was brave enough to come to me and explain some of the things happening to her. Telling her parents was the best thing I ever did for her.
What do you do if the person does know to an extent they are sick but lies to avoid antipsychotic treatment. They need treatment badly yet they avoid all doctors and therapy. During a crisis they lied about symptoms being under control and went off all medications as soon as they got home and they said they feel no guilt in lying to doctors. I have tried leap but they believe that anyone trying to encourage medications is controlling them and slams the door in anger even though we did nothing wrong. If anyone has any advice i would greatly appreciate it.
I think I understand what anosagnisia means. The world is insane, and along with a few highly perceptive people, only I am sane. Want proof? Look at the condition of the environment, pollution, increasing income gap between the rich and poor, foreign relations, the never-ending war we will never win but sucks the life out of the economy, etc. I've seen a better way of doing things, and if only those in power would follow my suggestions, the world would be a paradis. The world only gets worse, and I succomb to despair. Then those in power send me to their psychiatrists and they tell me it is I who am I insane and emotionally unwell. They fail to see that despair is the only sane reaction to an insane world. Or maybe they don’t care. They are either blind to the state of things or complacent or simply heartless or it is in their interest to maintain the sick status quo because it makes them money.
Based on her description, perhaps 'denial' is a coping mechanism accompanied by 'awareness', but 'anosognosia' is the inability to even recognize there's a problem ...?
@@msdawniam5534 Exactly. With denial someone knows what the reality of the situation is but has lied to themselves or convinced themselves to believe otherwise. With anosognosia, there's nothing for someone to lie to themselves about, or convince themselves of because they truly have no awareness of the reality of the situation. It's easy to confuse the two because both things can lead to the same results when it comes to mental illness, like stopping medication or not seeking treatment.
Yeah I can certainly understand the confusion when the end result is basically the same. I recall one family member that never once believed she had a mental illness, and even while stable, she could completely justify her prior actions (while she had been unstable). She was extremely intelligent (borderline brilliant), but she could not reconcile that she had a mental illness with (many) irrational periods because she wouldn't take the meds.
@@msdawniam5534 I can't even imagine how hard it must be for someone to not realize what's actually going on. Not to mention how hard it must be for friends and family who are only trying to get them the help they need. It makes me feel grateful for the awareness I have of my own mental illness, even though it means I feel shame and guilt towards some of my words and actions in the past while I was not receiving treatment. It certainly beats not being in a place to accept help & treatment!
It was difficult for the family, particularly when I was a child/young adult, and extremely sad for me as a mature adult. It was terrifying for her, I learned. I hope that open communication, like what is occurring with these type of videos, is going to help with the shame and guilt you feel. You really are a victim of this disease, but ultimately your attitude will help immensely.
That it can be temporary? My sister has anosognosia and schizophrenia. She would delete away past texts and messages that would remind her of what she had said in the past or that would suggest that she has the condition. This seems like wilful anosognosia to me.
Hello. Thank you for the information but if you do not have insight, how in the world would you even begin to want to do research on a diagnosis you do not believe you have? That sounds like you had insight from the beginning to me. There are people who lack insight period , so you would never get them to go the library to research it. what do you do then? I'm desperately looking for answers for a family member. i appreciate your commentary but it isn't helpful with regard to what made you believe there was something wrong enough for you to even go to library and research what people were telling you. You had SOME insight
Find a shaman, ive dealt with these symptoms my whole childhood and the voices led me to harm myself beginning at age 2, untill i met the shamans they helped me realize i had a gift not a curse, the western form of thought has been lost to the illness of identity
