I've watched ALL your videos and many multiple times. I'm sorry you're dealing with internet people! Your work is amazing man, I can't speak of anyone but myself but I SUPER appreciate you Brad!
I feel this resonates a lot with what I'm going through practicing in a monastery. It does feel kind of like an 'institution' in which, even though very open-minded and accepting, it kind of feels like a closed group to which one has to 'belong'. We have two 'grades' of ordination. First, one has to ordain as a 'bodhisattva' which requires the sewing of a rakusu which is, at the moment of the ordination, signed by one of the teachers (serving as a 'handwritten certificate'). And then, the second step, is the ordination as monk which requires the sewing of a kesa (by hand). In my case, I asked for bodhisattva ordination and started sewing my rakusu. The thing is, I don't really feel it in my heart. It feels for me as an 'obligation' since, as Brad says in the video, I've had since my younger years this longing for a 'life as a monk' and a 'perfect monastery life' which, now that I'm seeing it first-hand it's not what I had romanticized in my first years practicing zazen.
Now I feel it's better to keep my practice for myself. Thank you Brad, because for me this is a huge relief. Hope finding an open-hearted teacher who I really feel as one, and who nourishes my practice. I'm surprised the most encouraging and down to earth teachings I'm finding them here on your videos. And for that, I'm forever grateful with you. Gassho
pratyeka is a very interesting way of seeing or looking back at my mind. it is a difficult one to standardize, and even to write about (without aphorisms).
The kind of spontaneous awakening happened to me. I was the later part of 17 years old, and my relationship with my mother was terrible, and she made it clear that as soon as I turned 18, that I was going to be out on the streets. She had done a horrible job raising me and preparing me for life in the world, and at the time, I had a slew of emotional problems, Autism spectrum, ADHD hyperactivity too. But we had Buddhism in the home. Ironically, she'd studied the works of the Dalai Lama and had things like copies of the Dhammapada in the house. I'd always had a very reflective side of me. So I reflected on my situation, and realized that there was no way I was ever going to survive in the world if I couldn't sit still for longer than 5 minutes. Ironically, the trigger for me to start sitting was seeing the movie Ghost in the Shell. That movie is so profoundly reflective, about a character who does some really deep reflections in her life, that ends with a kind of transcendental experience, that it awakened in me a deep longing to meditate. And so I took a copy of the Dhamapada, into our basement, read a bit of it which profoundly resonated with me, smoked some weed, listened to some Enya to help me relax, and then sat on one of those mini trampolines in the pitch black, doing what I now know is called dark retreat in Vajrayana. And purely intuitively, I began practicing what we in Vajrayana call Togal practice, and over the course of a couple weeks, doing this all night, just meditating in the pitch black for hours on end, slowly letting go of all effort I could find in my body and mind, and continuing to meditate past any and all sensations that arose: I eventually had a massive awakening experience. I saw how all things were interconnected across the vast universe, and that I was part of this perfectly harmonious Eternal Flow/Flux, and that this was the deepest nature of reality. It changed me forever, and for about two weeks afterward it was like I was in a continual flow state. While at the time, I didn't fully understand all the details of what had happened to me, I KNEW it was important and profound, and intuitively knew that Buddhist monks would have the answers. And even though I did end up getting kicked out of my home, the first thing I did was go on a pilgrimage to seek out Buddhist monasteries, which eventually led me to a Zen monastery where I settled in the town for some time and practiced Zen, and then many years and thousands of hours of practice later to becoming ordained myself as a Vajryayana Tantric Ngakma. But it all started in that basement, simply due to the good karma of my past lives.
Short version: - When I was 17, my awful mom threatened to throw me out of the house when I reach 18. - I got scared shitless and started Vajrayana Togal practice. - I got awakened, but maybe weed and Enya helped too. - I saw all things in the universe are harmoniously inter-connected, which felt really cool for 2 weeks. - I did get kicked out of the house though, but found my place to a Zen monastery.
@@edgepixel8467 hahahaha! I feel like that summary loses some nuance but it's pretty hilarious! Alright kiddies, all you need to have your first Bhumi/Kensho is: Togal practice and a place to do dark retreat undisturbed, an abusive mom, weed, Enya, Ghost in the Shell, a copy of the Dhammapada, a mini trampoline, the dreaded fear of homelessness, and significant previous life experience to know how to do the first practice. 😂 Super helpful to lots of people I know. Very scalable. 😂 But, you know, that's how it is. Apparently the straw that broke the Bhumi's back for Mahakashyo was the Buddha holding up a flower. It just be like that.
@@edgepixel8467 also, it's worth noting that Togal practice is highly effective. The merit and circumstances that got me into doing that at such a young age may be unique; but the practice of Dark Retreat itself and other Togal practices are very effective.
There is a beautiful teaching in this video that stands out to me. It seems fairly obvious when I hear it, but it's easy to lose track sometimes in the culture of Western Buddhism. And that is that ordination and dharma transmission may mean NOTHING in regard to attainment. Many Western Buddhists insist say you should only listen to ordained teachers, to avoid possible cults. Even if that is a good cautionary action it may be necessary but not sufficient.
Thanks for the clarification. I witnessed the accepting of the precepts ceremony. Of course my ego surfaced when I watched it….thats when I knew it wasn’t for me.
Im a certified Brad-head... You know, there is a fb group organized by Shinzen Young's students formerly called 'Shinheads'... someone here should make one 👍
Maybe Muho's essay on how to ordain in the Soto-shu might be helpful. I'd post it here but links always disappear on RU-vid, so I posted it under your post on one of your Facebook pages.
