What it REALLY Takes to Get in the MOOD at the SAME Time Ft. Elaine Welteroth & Jonathan Singletary

Lovers and Friends Podcast with Shan Boodram

Подписаться 105 тыс.

Просмотров 29 тыс.

50% 1

What does it take to get you in the mood? Maybe like some it’s strawberries and silk. Or maybe like many others, it’s a little more … nuanced than that. Jonathan Singletary and my husband Jared Brady teamed up to make a sexy song devoted to the women who do a lot and consequently, need a little more to get…there. When it comes to being horny aka getting in the mood, this conversation is often about what you can do to get there, but in this episode we go into what has to first be done, OR in some cases undone for it to become feasible for all parties. Getting horny seems simple when we look at it through a Super Bad lens, but when we insert real people with real lives we can appreciate this complex process that relies on an interplay of neurological, hormonal, emotional, and physiological cooperation.
Thanks to Our Sponsors
Ritual
Ritual.com/LOVERS
Ritual is offering my listeners 20% off during your first month
FabFitFun
FabFitFun.com/L...
Sign up at, customize your box, and get access to discounts up to 70% off on brands like Fenty, Free People, and Our Place - to name a few.
Dipsea
DipseaStories.c...
Dipsea is offering an extended 30 day FREE trial
MOOD: linktr.ee/jsin...
Follow our guests
Jonathan Singletary
/ jonathansingletary
linktr.ee/jsin...
Elaine Welteroth
/ elainewelteroth
www.washington...
Jared Brady
/ enjoyjaredbrady
Follow Shan:
/ shanboody
tiktok.com/shan...
/ @loversandfriendspodcast

Опубликовано:

29 сен 2024

Ссылка:

Скачать:

Готовим ссылку...

Добавить в:

Мой плейлист

Посмотреть позже

Комментарии : 118

@jermeishablue Год назад

Wow Elaine husband is a gem. Men with patience are gems ❤️

@janiceburke6037 3 месяца назад

This is, was GREAT! Shan. What a personality!

@amberpegram5562 Год назад

I loved this episode

@taylargrant3604 Год назад

I love that song in the intro!!!!

@IsabelleMN11 Год назад

Purity culture is truly the bane of existence. I was raised catholic a denomination especially great at making you feel like your body/pleasure is conspiring with the devil to corrupt your spirit. I felt so much for Elaine and how the ritual of getting married didn't magically change the years of being told sex is dirty and a stripper pole ride down to the deepest pits of hell. A ring on your finger doesn’t switch your brain, it actually makes it worse because now you're faced with the realization that you can't access the pleasure that was promised to you after the love covenant. I just want to give Elaine a big hug because i get the pain, the shame, and especially the grief of wanting but being able to. The good news for me is that undoing this shame actually dominoed into other aspects of my life like my spirituality, my self worth, and even my career and what i think I'm worthy of going after.

@xoFlyDuo Год назад

All of this! ❤

@laurenbb Год назад

YUP

@ailynnmckae1130 Год назад

I love when couples are on the podcast! Seeing the deeper side of relationships are so important especially when our society loves to glamorize romantic relationships. Learned so much and loved the song MOOD too

@angelamoyer3508 Год назад

Your not alone Elaine! In hearing you story and the way you view sexuality and the challenge it is for you to be in the mood, I felt emotional. I can relate so much! Intimacy and feeling safe are HUGE for me to feel open, light and more in the mood.Great video everyone! So many great take aways from all perspectives.

@sheilaisaacs4360 Год назад

You’re not alone Elaine!! I’m so happy that you was transparent about this topic. I thought I was alone in this process and I’m married for 23 years.🙏🏾❤️ Thank you so much for you and your husband for being in a safe space for sharing.🙏🏾🙏🏾

@mayalouisa_louisa Год назад

Thank you Elaine for your vulnerability and honesty❤ the way women experience pleasure is very different from men and what we see in the media. We need to be filled up (look at our anatomy) with feelings of safety+relaxation so we can drop fully into our body. Our waters need time to warm up especially after motherhood. Take baths, dance naked, yoni massage,self pleasure~ take time to discover what turns you on. Take 15 min every morning to lay in your husbands arms w/o talking or expectation, build the energy up and give from your sexual overflow 💞

@JosoAnani Год назад

What a fantastic conversation.

@marisolania2696 Год назад

I’m 1000% with Elaine on almost every aspect of what she said. Lol our perspectives are eerily similar down to my husband recently installing flood lights from Home Depot that got me so excited! I also think in a marriage there are different seasons. Some seasons you might frequently be in the mood while in others emotional intimacy is the aim 🤷🏽‍♀️

@crystalmorgan1421 Год назад

Wow, as this video ends for me, I'm beginning to feel emotional as I continue my journey of understanding myself! I too grew up in the church, and sexual desires feel so sneaky and wrong. I want it to stop. Thanks Shan! I've been watching and sharing your videos for about 2yrs now.

@notl33t Год назад

great sexpectations lead to terrible outcomes! definitely know that this isn't woman specific either, since dudes can feel pressured, too. interesting topic.

@lovexoxo251 Год назад

I completely relate to Elaine. When my plate is full I get anxiety like I hope he doesn’t ask me because I just want to sleep or relax and watch my favorite show after taking care of the kids all day. But when I feel less on my plate I’m ready. Sex is an activity that takes a lot out of me, even though I enjoy it, I have to have less on my plate to want to do it all the time.

@queenjazmyne Год назад

YESS!!! Shan ,thank you for these conversations, you are reaching so many communities ❤. Much love from Trinidad 🇹🇹

@rachelfrank7455 Год назад

My favorite interview to date! Y’all need to have weekly conversations with Elaine and Jonathan. I loved how I was able to relate to a little bit of what everybody said. The impact of religion, being new parents and finding out what works for each other to get into the mood. Beautiful! ♥️ Love Y’all

@evasinclair230 Год назад

I’m a pastors kid & pastors grandkid. That whole wait for marriage, I laughed at my parents. Like yeah right? I’m not lol

@laurenbb Год назад

Generation after generation parents telling their kids not to act on human instincts, despite that NONE of them could do it themselves. 😂

@loveafrica97 Год назад

I work in storytelling for a Big 5 in Canada and I learn so much from Shan’s journalistic skills

@kekejulien3480 Год назад

This was an awesome episode, I really can relate to Elaine a lot. In a world where sex is such a leading factor and some people seem oversexualized, it's nice to see see someone on the other spectrum that has some of the same thought processes as me.

@briannajrobinson Год назад

This is such an incredibly healing episode. Thank you so much.

@notanadvicecolumn Год назад

The song is 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥Jared !

@puttyfish Год назад

I find it interesting that so many people are commenting on purity culture when the guest clarified that this was not at the root of her issues (sexual trauma implied). I feel like Shan's and Jared's religious biases (from their own experiences/issues) took precedence over listening to what the guest was saying. She seems to be talking about the mental load and the impact on her ability to connect to her body. She said religion only played a small part yet that seemed to have been the narrative being pushed at times. This is a reminder to be mindful not only of our own biases but of those of the content we consume. Still enjoyed the convo though, just an observation (which may also be biased).

@bellastar1299 Год назад

I won’t lie thought that too but, if you see behind what she’s saying it is purity culture. She stopped herself from saying filthy, dirty, and things like that if you catch her. She did touch on how also, being strong leaves her stuck in her brain instead of her body. Which shows that her upbringing made her feel her body shouldn’t be focused. I wish they would’ve touched on getting into her body more especially her partner.

@puttyfish Год назад

@bellastar1299 maybe you're right but she hinted at a traumatic intro to sex and I believe that can create the same kind of thinking around being dirty, flithy and stuck in your mind. It doesn't have to be about purity culture.

@bellastar1299 Год назад

@@puttyfish yes absolutely! I think it jumped at me because towards the end she says it’s a blessing and a curse to see sex in a precious, sacred, big way. Which stems from her upbringing which was religious. One thing to is she must have dated someone before who wanted it a lot and wanted her to perform a lot. Maybe that’s where your seeing “sexual trauma” jump out cause she speaks about being expected to be in the mood that its a burden. I see where every one’s perspective is coming from. I pray for her true healing!

@puttyfish Год назад

@bellastar1299 this makes perfect sense. I see your point for sure.

@tequilla773 Год назад

I enjoyed this conversation and the Dipsea trial! It is great to know people experience the same with intimacy and sex. The best part for these 2 couples is how transparent and communicative they are. I would like a discussion on how to effectively communicate and be vulnerable to express your needs.

@Beena_Sun Год назад

Loved this episode! I would love to hear more about peoples experience with learning what feels comfortable in relationship to sex. I would esp love to hear more about about what gets in the way of their desired journey and how they figured out how to maneuver around it. Thank y’all! The song is hhaaawwwt bb ❤

@janiceburke6037 3 месяца назад

Intimacy Will undoubtedly Out last SEX. ESPECIALLY as Relationships Mature, Age. U will discover. Wait until u Guys r n your 70’s. Just holding hands and reminiscing about the past together. So Intimate, Trust me! .

@kaitlindawes3793 Год назад

I loved this episode so much. Elaine we relate and we understand!! Elaine’s story makes me feel less alone thank you for sharing ❤

@tarachristina3922 Год назад

By far, my favorite episode. I smiled, I tested up, but most importantly it’s given me a lot to think about regarding my own healing journey. Thank you Shan for another fabulous podcast, and deepest appreciation to Jared, Elaine, and Jonathan. I typically look to what women say during these types of conversations, but today Jonathan and Jared, both of you spoke a level of wisdom that truly touched me deeply. Thank you 🙏🏽

@japemmanut Год назад

Jared's song is so good! Going to play it and share it 🎉. Elaine and her husband are inspiring!

@hailey407 Год назад

I love the song its FIRE.❤‍🔥❤‍🔥❤‍🔥

@SurprisedBeaver-ps2de 9 месяцев назад

I mean this whole video gets me in the mood . Like if you were already in the mood five minutes ago where does the mood go? Because can anyone really hold onto a mood for long periods of time haha or does it not. Wow I think people have different Taste and maybe they like a nice cream cheese and salmon sandwich with real bread. Or some people like some nice pasta bursting with flavour. I think the easiest way to "get in the mood" is to start with food. Broaden the selections of flavours and textures. Not staying faithful to the same flavours. Because of you smell a good plate of food or if you see a nice meal and it's pleasing to the senses their is probably not much stopping one from taking it. But one thing is for certain you can't talk your way into being in the mood.. because how can one go abruptly from words to matter

@indiasurgeon1487 Год назад

For the longest I thought I was A-Sexual

@yogaqueen1527 Год назад

I feel that now

@soniagray5734 Год назад

Half way through and it's a journey Shan.....I love and appreciated your ability to sit and listen......I love her vulnerability probably because it resonated with me.....and then I laughed so hard.....a bee....I thought was a snake after I heard that scream 😂😂

@ingrid8313 Год назад

Thank you Shan! Your analogies never disappoint!

@JerriCouncil Год назад

Very enlightening, sometimes TMI...but, I dig the content as a whole. Mood, IS a bop. Congrats, youngins!!!

@sugarkiss30 Год назад

Deep conversations and laughing together ❤ I can relate Elaine

@xoFlyDuo Год назад

We really appreciated this episode and the vulnerability shared by each of you. These conversations are so important, and so, so needed. We hear advice every day from the experts (which we do appreciate), but in addition to that, we NEED to hear from each other. There is so much nuance in even the smallest of details - like body language. It was surreal to see "us" in both of these couples. We only left the puritanical religious cult we were raised in twelve years ago, but we put in the work (still are) and have come a long ass way. #ItGetsBetter #DestigmatizePleasure

@beccy46 Год назад

I really enjoyed this episode, especially as a woman who went from always being in the mood in my early 20s to not ever being in the mood or requiring, as Shan said, days or weeks of adding coins to the piggy bank of desire before being "in-the-mood" strikes and I actually desire sex. It's extremely frustrating, but it's also encouraging to hear how others are addressing it in their lives.

@deidrasteadman3911 Год назад

Love this songggg and this episode! So so good!

@patricejohnson2632 Год назад

The way that Shan looks at Jared and is fully listening to Jareds experiences 🥺🫶🏾

@orianeyeboue-kouame2822 Год назад

Shan Shan your work is so incredible, thank you for creating a positive and safe space and allowing these transforming conversations to happen.

@disruptingjane3535 Год назад

I’ve been waiting for something like this! Such a taboo topic!!

@MsMizz1 Год назад

🤣🤣🤣 47:01 In the most gentle whisper “That’s so cute. That’s amazing. So romantic. I love that” Then Jared & Elaine’s faces 😩😂

@Tash-sher Год назад

I'm loving Jared's song!!! Also Thank you for this episode Shan!!

@Lillie33 Год назад

Getting out of the head tip❣️ let the great mother hold you, bare feet on the earth❤

@TheFilmLocker Год назад

Great episode! I wonder if Elaine is on the asexual spectrum. Greysexual maybe 🤔

@cookie7241 Год назад

I loved this !!!

@gorgeouswales9635 Год назад

Hello! First time here. I like the MOOD song 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

@BbOnTheBoard Год назад

I….. I have been watching and always looking forward to new episodes of Lovers & Friends and have been listening since the beginning of time. This is my first ever comment: As I type & weep to note the amount of weight that’s been lifted in so many “ah has” especially from Elaine’s pov. Growing up in the church + an ex marine turned police officer as a father… baybeeee if I coughed in the wrong direction I was fer sure preggers. 🙃 Plates…😮Yea let’s clear the buffet 👏🏾 This episode of Lovers & Friends has me sitting deep within myself. So very much appreciated the nuggets.

@nimu04 Год назад

Thank you soooo much for speaking on my behalf.

@Q.willz8788 Год назад

😙🤌🏾 “when I empathized with her; I took the pressure off myself” … this whole conversation was perfection 😙🤌🏾

@MsMizz1 Год назад

Dismantle the church!! Defund it!! Give the church all the D’s’!! FR but JK. Elaine’s story reminds me of Melissa Fredericks(Kevonstage) & Yvette Henry(Beleaf in fatherhood). I know it’s more layered and Elaine mentioned religion has played a smaller role but coming from a similar background I hate it for all the women who have the added layer of this patriarchal religion hindering their capacity to experience a depth of intimacy, pleasure, connection that they deserve and it’s completely natural. I’ve casually followed Elaine’s work through IG and was happy to see her find love with a safe partner beautiful to see also he’s patient and established honorable values for himself after reflecting on lifes challenges- it’s a great example he’s setting by expressing that out loud publicly. Elaine most women are turned on by domesticity, protection and active parenting in men. Women are simpler than we get credit for sometimes. Thank you Jonathan & Elaine for sharing ❤

@yoyo3318 Год назад

what a beautiful conversation

@toomuchinformation Год назад

The new "Mood" song reminds me of The Weeknd.

@TremelJackson Год назад

Finding someone to get in the mood with is harder then people think

@soniagray5734 Год назад

Mood is a mood..... Enjoyed the long video

@TheVListPodcast Год назад

Great episode! I love Elaine and Johnathan 🙏🏾 praying God grants them an everlasting marriage and bond.

@MT-hb7ts Год назад

I feel like Elaine and Shan are really different women and Elaine is a bit too classy for Shan’s vulgarity😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

@MsMizz1 Год назад

Elaine and Jonathan could benefit from the work Brandon Durrell does and the episode where the guest (forget her name) discussed her partner speaking affirmations to her and body mapping. Body mapping is therapeutic when sex or climax is decentered.

@bellastar1299 Год назад

I truly feel Elaine needs to seek help on her on. She still has a lot of others perception on her. She’s absolutely beautiful and looks like she wants to lean in more. It’s in all of us! She just had to find her own thing. Maybe some classes, a therapist, or even touching herself. I feel for her ✨

@alyssamarieperez7820 Год назад

Loved this episode and the different perspectives on romantic relationships and sexual connections. ❤❤❤

@AngeloVanTerra Год назад

Man this episode really hit close to home in a lot of ways. This episode didn't feel long at all because I was relating dang near the whole time the experiences they shared. That Christian guilt around sex and all that repression definitely messed with my head and my wife's in earlier years. Still kinda recovering and unlearning some of it to this day.

@STARLIAFIRE Год назад

I love this episode!!! Listened on Spotify, then came here to comment/watch. Appreciate the production of this podcast. Great work and conversations as always!! 💙

@bontlefeelakau1352 Год назад

Really enjoyed this show. I usually listen on the podcast app but this time I wanted to see the guests. I relate 💯 with Elaine!!

@CelineAdobea Год назад

Thaank you all for sharing!! So much love ❤

@pamk1967 Год назад

This longer podcast was Awesome Shan!!! Thanks for the Transparency ❤️❤️❤️❤️👋🏾

@downwiththeclique7239 Год назад

Elaine's fit is 🔥

@mikkelgreen5118 10 месяцев назад

He showed her no desire and I made her want him. It’s rough out here.

@lumae6249 Год назад

Longer episodes for sure ❤❤❤

@sarahgibson8866 Год назад

That songs is the bomb....omg❤❤❤❤

@BbOnTheBoard Год назад

Thanks!

@tierratowne Год назад

MOOD

@yogaqueen1527 Год назад

I am really struggling. I am 39 years old. I was a virgin until 32. Insertion was always impossible every time. It never felt good. I didn't know what to do. It was all around bad. That's the reason my then bf left. That ended in 2018. So it was from 2015-2018 and it never got better. I haven't dated or been with anyone since. I never got in the mood. I've never felt horny. Nothing. So glad to listen to this. I do feel like I've really missed out on life. I've never mastubrated. I tried to use a vibrator a few times, but Insertion was impossible. I've never used a tampon or anything Insertion wise except my attempt at sex. I've tried pelvic floor therapy and dialators. Everything is painful. I just finally given up and realized this is my life. I'll be 40 next year and I feel like I've missed out on life and menopause will probably come in like 10 years or less. It succckkks! In life in general I've never had fun, relationships other than the one bf, or even friendships. I lead a depressing life.

@toomuchinformation Год назад

I’m so sorry to hear that. Do you have vaginismus? You might like to look at energetic therapy like EMDR, EFT and even reiki or a regular massage? Just getting used to non sexual touch might help or even a sexual surrogate.

@yogaqueen1527 Год назад

@@toomuchinformation at this point, I think I might have that. I had never heard of the different things you named. I looked them up, I'm going to research sexual surrogate. Thanks for the recommendations

@londongirle3 Год назад

Came to watch this after your video about distrusting women that look like you, waiting to hear where Elaine asked what race you are. That didn’t happen, but this was such an enjoyable interview and the hour went by fast! Keep it up, Shan. You content is needed x

@jenniferodera598 Год назад

Really enjoy and prefer the long form single curt interviews. Thanks

@toritor831 Год назад

I loved this! Thank you for having these guest. I loved the beautiful story As someone who raised in the church, I could really relate to the experiences that you all shared. Learning something new about you and Jared's religious background and journey was also really nice. ( I be out here feeling like I have know ya'll for years now lol) Thank you for the work you do!

@ladyadrienne Год назад

I'm curious as to what messages Elaine will share with her children about sex such that they're prudent about it, but don't develop a complex around it. Re Jared's comments - It makes a lil sad that one would deny Christianity in exchange for enjoyment of sex, especially within marriage. Christianity gets a bad rap as is and this episode exemplifies how preachers (esp Catholic) can corrupt folks into not knowing how to lean into deep relationships with sex. In contrast with last week's episode...key element is general standards of beauty definitely impact a woman's ability to experience fulfillment in relationships.

@chefjaly1217 Год назад

Great conversation. Love that the conversation had the different perspectives from both couples and individuals. ❤❤

@Jaymako0829 Год назад

Yessss gyal you was outside outside gyal afuera afuera lmao 🤣 looking good gal blessings.😂😂😂🪬🧿🙏

@yazmin6524 Год назад

i feel like there was kind of a subtle blame on faith for the way elaine and jonathan live their lives and maybe their problems with the physical act of sex. the Lord created sex and He wants us to have it, just in a protected manner for our hearts and soul. if someone felt comfortable enough to have sex, then have sex. if not, then don't. and faith isn't to blame, it's people who teach it who have a misunderstanding of what sex and intimacy is themselves. faith is not to blame. that's it. lol

@seraphineoakley8834 Год назад

I prefer longer videos for sure !!! I'm so so happy that they've gotten longer, because the podcasts are awesome on audio, but I always prefer seeing people's reactions, hand movements, etc. I loved this episode, and the topic always seems to fall in line with what's going on in my life at the moment, so thank you ❤

@shanalegrant6931 Год назад

Thank you SO much for this episode! I am so grateful to you for bringing this content to us.

@kurab1 Год назад

One of my favorite interviews. You guys went deep, thank you for making this ❤

@Lemorgg Год назад

Loved this convo!! You’re definitely not alone Elaine

@rowdyreese4483 Год назад

Btw u may not believe me I understand but she is my. Cousin😊

@nellypouth278 Год назад

Thank you for this Episode. It was really what I needed. ❤

@CaribbeMa11 Год назад

Would you ever revisit the dating&coaching series?

@adetoroceballos211 Год назад

Just started watching and have to say: this song is beautiful 💗

@moree0681 Год назад

This was a beautiful real conversation!

@taylargrant3604 Год назад

This was so goooood wow I feel like you all get me ❤❤❤❤❤

@malkianm8988 Год назад

I think the idea of it being an expectation is what makes it feel like a burden. Years ago a guest on the Oprah show said something along the lines “don’t view sex as burden/job but as something pleasurable for you as well”

@toomuchinformation 9 месяцев назад

"as well" says it all.

@loveafrica97 Год назад

Jared looks like Evan Ross

@melinamorales6654 Год назад

I like the long videos!!!

@itsjesscu Год назад

This song is a beautiful vibe ❤

@TheVListPodcast Год назад

The song is dope!!

@loveafrica97 Год назад

His dimples Omgg 😭

@lovexoxo251 Год назад

I loved this episode. The transition from being religious to being sexually free when you’re married can be difficult.

@NadiaCumberbatch Год назад

I really enjoyed this conversation! Thank you to you and your guests.

@shaidafaraj4182 Год назад

So no one thinks it's because she isn't really physically attracted to him? I 100% think that's a major factor, I hear that she makes excuses based on religion, upbringing, then having a baby, then being over worked??????? Just a perspective, not that it's the be all or end all but it would change a lot

@33Amigoz Год назад

No. Trauma, hormones, and stress DEFINITELY effects libido. Those are hard circumstances to feel sexy and sexual under

@beccy46 Год назад

She commented on how physically attracted she was to him when she was talking about their first date when she didn't realize he had a girlfriend. But I do agree that in other situations and for other people, physical attraction is key in desiring intimacy and signaling the body for sex.

@toomuchinformation Год назад

Interesting point. Women’s libido after living with a man for a year really divebombs and this is for women without trauma or children. Add those into the mix and it’s easy to see why her sex drive has dropped. This is without her upbringing as well. There are plenty of factors in here.

@Shashayaway Год назад

I think it has nothing to do with him and everything to do with her and herself lol, perhaps some sexy pole dance classes or really anything to help her self explore in a safe place and tap in and to know her turn on triggers, alil homework if you will, from just listening to her relationship previously towards sex

@bellastar1299 Год назад

@@beccy46you know what’s interesting about that part to, I wonder if she held on to that because, she seems to remember everything. I wonder if when he does for her does she get aroused because she feels like he actually likes her. Like a man asking to hang out, sort of wooing me and than saying I have girl kind of gives me the ick but idk you know