I tend to switch off my empathy towards certain people. I know it's a trauma response. I have very protective/controlling parents. This made me an extreme people-pleaser. And when it's impossible for me to please someone I start to hate, demonize them and start seeing them as all bad monsters. Now I don't know if this is splitting or what, but I also forgive people then the empathy returns and the regret kicks in if I hurt them. There are only one or two people in my entire life whom I couldn't forgive. Usually ones whom I couldn't avoid or push away with my abusive behavior, or they stopped rejecting me. Probably my ugliest trait is this 😢
Maybe forgive is the right way and the world and the specialist are wrong. Jesus teaching says to forgive and love your enemy. If people were doing that, the world not be such a mess
I have BPD and do feel intense regret and guilt after splitting on a loved one. But I also have high antisocial traits, so I definitely lack empathy in most other situations and with people I don't love deeply or bond with. In a way, I feel like those antisocial traits protect me from some of the pain of the BPD.
I’ve been working with a therapist who specializes in treating cluster B patients. I’ve been diagnosed with Borderline and we’ve come together to the conclusion that I have a few very strong anti-social traits specifically around kleptomania and what she’s been calling selective empathy. I am able to choose easily who to empathize with and if someone to me seems unworthy of empathy I simply don’t feel it and can easily manipulate them or cause harm with no regret though I do feel shame. It’s not the kind of person I want to be and I am trying to learn more empathy for others
If someone is being abusive to me and plays victim I dont feel empathy for them. Does that make me a narcissist? 🧐 I have a lot of empathy towards my inner circle and strangers. But when someone really crosses boundaries and acts like my ex abuser; empathy is gone.
I came down with pneumonia and now ex boyfriend told me "thats ok" such a rude thing to say . He told me i deserved it because i left him for someone else. I think he probably had antisocial personality disorder. Is there any wonder I am single?
My spouse has bpd and he lacks empathy. I recently shared something that I was going to start addressing g from my childhood and he just sat there. He does this often. A lack of emotional connection makes me feel as tho he doesn’t care 😢
My boyfriend has not BPD, but when I told him about my sexual abuse at age of 3 , he also just sat there. He never talks about emotions, only about chores or work. I have my issues and I feel that I have to deny my emotions and suppress them.
@@johngilmore697 Empathy is there just not when dysregulated or splitting so it can be very difficult to retain it for long periods of time. Hence the need for therapy and medication lol Also go to therapy your self. This isn't a normal reaction to dating people or having them in your life. You're splitting rn 😂
@@DevoidVoid So borderlines have empathy, except when it's most needed. Great. Borderlines shouldn’t have relationships. The damage they do to others is indescribable
My now exe husband always seems to lack an empathy but he has Asperger's so I was always giving him the excuse of that he just doesn't know how to show it
Asperger's individuals treat people like objects. They seem to lack empathy. That's been my experience as well as other people who know someone dx asperger's.
@@birdlover6842 unfortunately it's highly comorbid with NPD based off my deep dive into literature.... I know one dude and his mom is absolutely brutal with him... It's that giving someone money, stuff but having an intense lack of emotional needs being met, always being mad at them that causes this I think
What's wrong with that statement is that it's assumed that lack of empathy in autistic individuals is due to the autism when autistic people are just as capable of having a lack of empathy as anyone else and are actually more prone to having NPD than non autistic people.
The idea that autistic people lack empathy is based on Theory of Mind--a theory that empirical research continually fails to support. Autistic people do not lack empathy. There is some evidence that Theory of Mind may have a correlation with alexithymia and _some_ autistic folks do have alexithymia, but many, if not most, autistic people without alexithymia are actually _highly_ empathetic. (Which helps explain the large number of autistic folks who become therapists.) However, the means of _communicating_ that empathy are often misunderstood by neurotypical folks. Importantly, those same means of communicating empathy are easily understood by _other_ autistic people. If you look into research on the Double Empathy Problem, it becomes quite clear that autistic people do not inherently lack empathy. It's an issue of cross-neurotype communication, not of a lack of empathy. The persistent false assumption that autistic people lack empathy has created an extremely damaging narratives (like the notion that autistic people are narcissists) and greatly contributed to the stigma around the condition.
They also used to think that people with autism didn't have empathy or 'theory of mind.' I think it's amazing how our understanding of the human mind is changing and developing. The empathy thing is such a crucial thing when you talk about reducing stigma, because people will be much more likely to be helpful and understand a person that struggles with their emotion regulation but has the capacity for empathy, rather than the old view that people with BPD are just attention seekers who are looking to manipulate and drag other people down to hell with them.
I was diagnosed autism spectrum disorder and I have no emotional empathy. I knew an autistic man who appeared to have none either by his behaviour. Perhaps empathy has nothing to do with autism.
empathy is a coordination of many things. Caring is one aspect, which is like one instrument in a symphony (empathy being a full orchestra). Many autistic people have the capacity to care, definitely. However, the complex nature of understanding another person’s emotional experience, consider context, understanding what they need in that particular situation, and expressing things in a manner that meets the situation…I do not know people with autism who can do that. The complexities of all the processing, along with their own unmitigated emotional experience, often creates too much of a barrier, to be able to accurately empathize with others. Do they care? Yes, often. However, that’s only one variable in the equation of empathy.
@@JonathanVachon777ppl w NPD don’t think they have a problem … they think we have the problem … we do their lack of accountability for anything or anyone .😵💫
I so appreciate your ability to communicate how devastating it is for someone with BPD traits after they act out. I was always trying to get my ex husband to understand the pain I was in and how sorry I was after I acted out but he just saw it as I did these things purposefully and thought I had no empathy for him yet an overload of empathy for others and that was devastating to me that he thought that about me although I get it. I’m not trying to justify but having someone like yourself explain and understand really helps to enable those who struggle to get better so thank you. Understanding my struggles and learning better ways has been life changing for me! I understand now that not only can I do better but I can choose relationships with people that are more complimentary with myself and my struggles. And thank you for recommending the DBT in MI. I’m going and it’s been wonderful! 💞
I know someone who says she doesn't feel guilt. I guess she is quite lucky because i feel a lot of guilt and shame. Sometimes i dont feel worthy of love, which coincide poor self esteem but it seems to be less prominent now than when i was much younger. I was very shy, lacking in confidence. This person i was talking about seems to fit the discription of a person with antisocial personality disorder, she is calculating, but impulsive. She loves socialising and loves being the center of anything risky. It borders but never goes over into anything illegal. She went for a job interview and didnt tell the interviewer that she was not qualified for or had experience in the job, she got it and then learnt on the job what to do. I could never do that. We have lost contact. It was interesting because she seems to get along just fine.
I'm kind of at a point where I can turn off my empathy and that scares me but I also understand that it's a trauma response. I don't live in a place where I'm able to thrive. Very few gay ppl, no art opportunities, small town but super gossipy and cutthroat, ppl dying of fentanyl overdoses bc they're stupid. I hate it here and I'm out of sympathy bc ppl do it to themselves and if you try to help they will try to drag you down too.
Ty for fighting the good fight for us with bpd and beating the stigma on lacking empathy .... I have had meny in my life say this and alot of time for me ends up driving me to act like I don't care ... cuz as I sometimes brake and belive ... why should I try if there jusy gonna see me as lacking empathy ... or not caring ..... one of the hardest parts of beating my mental heath has been fighting the ambivalence of am I a good perosn or am I a bad person and if I start to feel all others see Is a bad perosn or connect bad perosn qualities to me do to surface content I have a hard time holding onto why I am good ... but most my days all I want to do is help someone... or be there for them I literally don't even normally like trying to make someone clean the house if we both love there or if they also make the mess as I don't like being the person who trys to make them do something...... if indo brake what I say or do is just me trying to be what I think everyone already thinks of me .... not because I want to control or manipulate or any of that .... I just play a part...... I act like indont care but really I do
My experience of lack of empathy in someone with diagnosed BPD (who does also have narcissistic traits) is more an issue of projection. Rather than actual empathy, *_he projected his experiences onto my life._* I do not doubt that he has BIG emotions around his experiences and, in assigning the same ones to me, he believes he is actually being _overly_ empathetic. Except they are not my experiences or emotions. He *_adamantly denied my actual struggles_* and instead told me what I was experiencing. He was not trying to put himself in my shoes, he was trying to put me in his.
Think about it. Empathy has to be the base emotion for morals. If nobody had empathy why would we bother. Why would a mother comfort and care for child. Etc I know the only thing that keeps psychopaths and narcissists in check is masking from other people. Deceiving and fooling for own agenda. Without moral people to keep them in check it scares me. My father's fantasy was to be able to legally get away with more extreme abuse. He eventually got his wish torturing an animal till he eventually killed it. He fooled police and animal welfare who had be called by neighbours. That was what he really wanted to do to me. Complete control of course. If someone is cruel to animals take this very seriously. They are evil. I pleased to say he now rots in old people home non verbal wearing nappy spoon fed . Just desserts. Yet somehow people still care for him. Lucky for them people have empathy and morals.
I have a hard time connecting all the concepts and categories together. For example, when talking about attachment issues no one talks about empathy. Is it empathy when someone's full attention is on another (limerence)? I don't know. This is what I have problems with when reading psychology, each model has its own element. How would you define empathy in the word of attachment theory?
It can definitely be overwhelming with all the different concepts in psychology. Empathy in attachment theory involves understanding and sharing the feelings of others, which can impact attachment styles.
The thing that confuses me is that I generally can feel empathy until someone talks about being in pain (physical or mental), and if they describe it in a certain way then I start to wish further pain upon them. What's up with that?
Theres something wrong about me, but I dont seem to fit at any of those molds. I feel very empathetic twards the ones I know and like, but most of the times I feel nothing twards the rest. Its hard for me to feel bad for the people in wars, or starving in Africa etc. Last year an old man started feeling sick very close to me, on a bus. He fell to the ground shaking and a lot of people came to help him. That whole situation pissed me off, I got nervous and angry at all of them. Till this day I still cant understand why I felt so angry. I'm not always like that, but I still find it weird and scary. I know I'm not a psychopath (but I think both my parents are narcissists), I have zero intentions of making peoples lives worse, the idea of taking advantage of others disgusts me. Yet I feel disconnected, indifferent. When I see someone crying I almost always start crying too, the thing is: I'm not really crying for them and their problems, I'm crying for myself it feels like. I grew up in a very heavy environment, psychologiclly. I have always been emotionaly unstable, I cry a lot, get angry easily, used to be very agressive as a kid/teenager. I also normally dont miss people and dont fear about my well being. I might need professional help to figure that out... great video, doctor. Thanks!
It's completely okay to feel complex emotions and to question your reactions. Seeking professional help can be a great step towards understanding yourself better. You're not alone in this journey!
( Serious). I've noticed changes in Madonna and William Shatnet . It gives me hope. I see myself in both ( only for Madonna, without the romantic element). I often wondered if BPD isn't just Histrionic without the sexual elements. They say I'm Mixed but won't tell me of what. I'm thinking BPD, PAD, and Vulnerable Narcissist.
I'm unable to empathise whatsoever , in my day to day running of a business it puts me at an advantage but in forming relationships it puts me at a distinct disadvantage. Only way I can describe it is you could be going through the worst time of your life and I'll suggest going for a meal , in my mind I just thank God its not my problem. I have to learn to care what others care about but it's totally synthetic.
It's important to remember that having bipolar disorder can affect how you relate to others, but it doesn't define your character. Your empathy for animals shows you have a caring side; maybe you're more complex than just a label!
@@DrDanielFox But i wanna know? so i could be aware of who I am, it is important for me to know so that i can improve myself and be a better person. what kind of lack of empathy am i if I am lacking empathy for humans but i have empathy for animals? like i care more about animals lives than human lives
i think you learn empathy from others, preferably your parents. i was never shown empathy, so no matter how much i want to, i cant show it to others. its so confusing. im not even an adult yet. i have all these emotions and feelings that i can only feel for myself. i care about others, or atleast i want to. i barely have sympathy. i think i really do care and im desperately trying to scoop those feelings out but i just cant. its like an unreachable goal. god i really dont want to be a narcissist 😜 and its not like it was always this way. i used to cry for people, movies, blabla. i just cant anymore. only me. i can only get upset for myself. im still guilty, alot. and im trying so hard to think about the other person but i just have to be the victim. every time. i really hate myself im such a bitch lol. i cant respect peoples boundaries too. i dont want to hurt them but i js cant control myself ig. its usually something im so used to doing that i do it without thinking. and its also something that used to be okay and all the sudden its not anymore. well, atleast im kinda self aware. thanks for reading the yap😋
It sounds like you're going through a tough time, and it's okay to feel confused about your emotions. Self-awareness is a huge first step, and recognizing these feelings can help you grow. Keep working on it, and don’t hesitate to reach out for support!
I’m totally empathy deficit. At times, now realizing it can turn on and off. Whether I do it or I’m unaware in the moments I should turn it on. It’s really hard to cope with this brain, not knowing if it’s antisocial disorder with narcissistic personality traits or social path with narcissistic traits. There’s so much information and everything manifest in an individual differently. It’s been a long road with only self awareness and self analyzing. So confusing and my mental healthcare sucks. Thanks for the videos.
It's important to have self-awareness and analyze your thoughts and behaviors. Keep seeking support and knowledge to navigate through this. You're not alone in this journey.
What are all the happy hormones usually A BPD lacks corresponding to other normal human & why do we lack Empathy & love towards ourselves, it is like you can love the entire world but not yourself
Effective empathy training for someone with NPD involves a combination of therapy, self-reflection, and learning to understand and validate others' emotions.
Question. Do you think the reason BPD is protrayed as having a lack of empathy has anything to do with the fact that females are commonly diagnosed with BPD when they are actually ASPD or NPD? I struggled to believe i had BPD due to the empathy aspect as i am painfully empathic. It repeatedly has me taken advantage of, actually. You validated something big for me here. Ive struggled with suicidal ideation from how my trauma outcome has impacted my child. The pain and anger is hard to live with. Although it was unintentional, the self-hatred is inmense. It keeps me stuck in depression. People dont understand why im so hard on myselrf, and i didnt either really until now.
@@DrDanielFox thanks for the reply. I just struggle to understand how the professionals are so misinformed. On the topic of empathy, do you have any insight regarding its development? Siblings that have differing PDs is complex. My sister and I are at polar ends. She at the very least has NPD, i can see dark empath. Growing up she wasn't abused as I was and had a strong social circle. I figured if anything I'd be the one lacking empathy.
As I get older I feel like I’m getting or having less and less empathy for people, especially people I’m not close to or don’t care about. I’m not proud of that or happy with it. I’d like to be more open minded and empathic and have less black and white thinking as I did/had when I was younger. I was more empathetic towards others back then. What is the difference between empathy or sympathy by the way? I sometimes don’t understand. I do feel guilt or remorse, but also, the older I get, it’s kind of fading away. Again, unfortunately. I shouldn’t be like this or think like this, I understand.
This video was very informative. It's difficult for me to understand people who don't have empathy but you explained things very well. Both my parents have difficulty expressing empathy, even though it's easy for me and I appreciate your insights.
I have a background in psychology, and I used to think that people like this were hopeless … However, The Bible talks about this. It talks about a heart of stone, and it says as you open your heart to Jesus and develop personal relationship with Jesus . he’ll give you a heart of flesh , in other words, a heart that can feel and empathize with others. . and I can testify that I have seen the difference in many people who become true Christians not religious, but humble true grateful to the Lord Christians. ♥️😁
I basically feel people's expected responses and can non-cognitively act on that on a very charming autopilot, yet feel absolutely no compulsion to act on it. Hurting people especially accidentally can cause significant despair about creating problems or losing support, but no guilt, but I can feel their pain if I want to and usually do because being in touch with people is always interesting and helpful. Long ago I sought therapy and got an unhelpful diagnosis of autism which was later retracted by the same therapist, recently following another period of despair I again sought therapy and again an unhelpful diagnosis of autism in two-month sleep-deprived state... this time I am familiar with cluster-B, guess I need to turn off empathy and manipulate my therapist into believing I am manipulative instead of trying to be honest. Any advice @DrDanielFox ?
