What really makes a man desirable? 

Please support Adamandeve.com and use the code FD50 for 50% off your purchase. RU-vid doesn't want your boy to sell certain things so I'm putting this in the pinned comment cause otherwise the video might get demonetized again.

“The real red pill is becoming aware of how society lies to boys in order to convince them to self-mutilate their humanity in the hopes that this will allow them to be better, stronger men.” This is such a great line brother

One thing to remember about taking dating advice from Sig as opposed to most manosphere types is that he has multiple kids. So unlike most of them there is tangible proof that he has actually had sex.

God that story about Andrew Tate's father flying into a rage over his sons simply commenting on their own hair, ending up with his mother calling the police on him...followed up with Tate calling his father a "great man" is straight up harrowing.

I'm a single father and have always told my sons that it takes more strength to cry than to not. It shows you are human and have empathy and compassion. To be vulnerable is a true strength

As a trans woman, my biggest take away from this video is that the 80's were 40 years ago, not 20 years ago, and I am become ancient.

I’m a cis woman lawyer. My husband answers phones at a plumbing company. He’s a nice guy that makes me laugh. “Traditional masculinity” is horseshit.

Im a male teen who fell into the “traditional masculinity, anti sjw” rabbit hole and it wasn’t till i started watching your videos did it help me realize how stupid and unneeded it all was. They taught self help through insecurity, as in they kind of play into the things a sad teenage boy would want; girls, money, stuff like that, and tell you the only way to get all of that is through masculinity. None of it really helped because it doesn’t make you work for what you want to be, but to work for what you “should” be. Thanks for the video man you really help!

The hardest part of "being yourself" is giving yourself the space and time to figure out who you are in the first place.

The advice of starting a hobby is HUGE. There's nothing more attractive than someone who is doing something they enjoy, having a good time. Genuinely.

Hey as an Asian guy I appreciate having at least some recognition. I feel like Asian men are constantly ignored in these conversations and being on the left I find that incredibly frustrating. Really appreciated the interview and the segment. Great video FD

As a gay guy I always found it funny how straight guys who have no success with women are told to "go gay". The gay male scene is horrifically brutal and most men would get there self esteem shattered compare to what they believe womens standards are. Also if you do fit that hyper fit gym bro persona, you are nothing more than a mound of flesh. Its literally the next phase of the manosphere, where basically the majority of men canabalize each other, especially when they are no women to blame.

As an Indian, from Kerala, South India, I was fortunate enough to have very open minded parents. My father, despite seemingly being the mustacheoed strong quiet type, never ever told us to act more manly, or be less feminine. I watched alot of malayalam films, in which not being super jacked was completely okay, and my experiences with North American ideas of masculinity were predominantly from western films. I thought much of it was hammed up for the storyline. But it wasn't until I lived in Canada with my wife and got to know my male in laws, that I realized the kind of damage some western ideals of masculinity have inflicted. The fact that men showing emotion is considered "woke" by some, is just backwards and ridiculous

*new message from Unc at 8am*: "send me a thirst trap selfie" *me 5 min later*: 2 attachments *My partner walks in the room**: "who you taking pics for with ya shirt off" *me*: "well its for Unc but that doesn't make it sound any better" 😂

“Woman are telling you out right that they want companionship, stimulating conversation, support, and good sex” not a single lie was told 👏🏾👏🏾

The most disturbing abuse in public I’ve witnessed was hearing a man in another aisle at the grocery store yelling at his 3 or 4 year old son for crying. It broke my heart and was so toxic, witnessing that sweet child get emotionally traumatized. Somehow even worse than seeing a woman haul off on a kid or drag them out kicking and screaming.

Something I didn't recognize how wild it was bc I was a literal child was my own sister watching me cry and telling me in an authoritative tone that I'm not supposed to: took me decades to understand that just because I grew up surrounded mostly by women it didn't mean I wasn't vulnerable to all the patriarchal programming, in fact I still ended up w a lot of toxic traits commonly attributed to men, which I had to and am still working on; this shit is so ingrained in our society that even the women in your life will force you into it.

Just as the mom of a boy, I was shaking with rage about how many friggin' times I had to correct other adults when they tried to make my son feel less than for acting like a human instead of acting "like a boy".

In the past, you said criticizing the man-o-sphere isn't enough, and someone needs to actually give some better advice for lonely young men. And then you did it. Amazing.

As a gay man, I have always noticed that girls/women were attracted to me because of my kindness. I’m not super attractive or masculine at all

As a nonbinary person, I super appreciate your ability to point out patterns of behavior without ignoring the complexities of gender and the queer community 👍👍

As an Indian man, I co-sign this video heavily. I grew up in a machismo culture, akin to Latino men, and found childhood and adult performative masculinity draining af.

As a gay man who tries so hard to tell his straight male friends this kind of stuff, I can’t thank you enough for just making this. You kick ass!

Being a 27 year old, black male watching this, it’s refreshing to see and hear other like minded brothas. Growing up being a big boy all my life really became arduous when you realize the biggest haters wasn’t women, it was the men who pushed the negative trope. They force fed it to women, who then regurgitated it in validation to these men, that in itself breeds this overarching, self regulated/sustained stereotype. You start to believe and race others to the punch of someone else in hopes you give no one the opportunity to harm you. Looking back as a young man now, my teen years/early 20s was filled with a lot of desperation, seeking what I wanted, as a late bloomer. It brought so much life into perspective for me later, seeing how low I was because I was chasing an image rather than my real self. I said this to say: Take your time, gain empathy, sympathy, become some who you like, and don’t place so much pressure on performing this unreal, immeasurable ideal that leads you nowhere in the end. Women aren’t this untamed beast that needs to be conquered, or this end all be all reward to fuel the male ego. They’re humans, functioning ppl who don’t hold so much interest power struggles, but rather wanting to be treated human.

Realizing the image of an "attractive man" you take for granted and see all over the place is what men think women are attracted to and not what women are actually attracted to is so important and such an eye opener.

I think the "muscular, healthy, disciplined" image is also a form of self-soothing. If men all believe and truly think that the ONLY reason women don't like them is because they don't go to the gym, it makes it unncessary for them to reflect on what is wrong with their personalities. Instead of thinking "I am just a bad partner, and an inconsiderate lover, and that's why I don't get dates", they can think "oh these femoids just want a ripped gym bro, that's why they ignore me" I think the only universally attractive thing is authenticity, and no woman is ever going to appreciate someone lying about who they are to get in their pants.

To me “be yourself” just lacks direction, which is why it is frustrating. I found that transforming that phrase into “show people who you are” greatly improved my attitude. Showing who I am gives them the opportunity to know me quickly that’s doesn’t require me to keep up false behaviour in the future. If they stay, they knew what they were getting into.

I am a conventionally-attractive cis woman. Got a lot of attention on dating apps in my early 20s from conventionally-attractive men. Now married to my husband, who is fat and an inch shorter than me. I’m attracted to him for a variety of reasons, including our shared niche interests and his personality, but I’m also just straight up attracted to his body and appearance. Honesty, the hardest part of being with someone who’s not conventionally attractive is some of the psychic wounds it’s inflicted on him because of the bad stuff described in this video. I wish this video had been around for him when he was younger. Media in the early 2000s was so cruel. Sending much love to any of the young fat, short men out there, especially bipoc boys. What you’re going thru is brutal. I hope you make it out okay. Thank you for putting this into the world. 💛

I still don't know what makes men attractive - but whenever I look at my body I hear my mother when I was like 12 telling me if i didn't lose weight I'd never find someone willing to love me. My mother has since apologized, but I can't stop remembering it. Hearing that, from my own mother, I fear it has permanently scarred me.

"if you do want your trad wife maybe consider unionizing" is the best line out of this video

I’m a pretty newly out trans dude and have been terrified my whole life to do anything about it. This was very therapeutic, thank you.

When I was dating about 14 years ago, I had this kind of internal conversation going. It finally dawned on me that I was in an "All or nothing" kind of scenario when I was dating. I needed to step back and reassess what I was doing and I came up with the conclusion that "whenever I went out I was going to have fun". I was going to go out, find things that were fun for me and have fun. Without even knowing it, I was being myself and the funny thing after that was suddenly my social calendar was full because fun people attract other people that like to have fun. It only took me till my early '40s to figure that out.

i appreciate people like you because i was insecure and ate all of the Tate media , i needed time to reflect and understand how it affected people around me . being selfish is mistaken as being a leader , its all about ego and never about community and acceptance

I'm a 21 year old guy living in a conservative town, and I almost cried by the end of this video. This has got to be one of the most important videos on this platform. I've seen countless of examples of men from my town being so confused by the patriarchy and still idealizing it while oblivious to how much it hurts both them and women, yet whenever I try to talk to them about this I'm always met with ad hominems about my masculinity (and like most men, I've struggled with self-image issues and masculinity too). I can't tell you how many times I've felt suffocated because of how I'm seemingly the only one in my town to feel this way, and it has led me to a lot of self-doubt. However, seeing you make such a thourough detailed video about this issue that has been on my mind for years now is so therapeutic holy shit. Thank you for this.

Mad respect for bringing in a trans guy to talk about his experiences. I've never seen a fellow trans dude talk about the effects of patriarchal masculinity during transition. It's something that really does effect pretty much every trans guy; the fear of not being masculine enough for the world to see you as you see yourself. In my early transition I was ~16 and never even been in a relationship. A massive factor to my fragile masculinity and loneliness was "I don't have a girlfriend I need a girlfriend, why is everyone in a relationship except me??". It's a perspective that's usually hugely missed among cis people, so thank you so much for including it king! 👑

I feel like teenagers can really learn this lesson from "Pride and Prejudice". It's 210 years old, but it's a masterpiece for a reason. Of all the Bennett daughters, Jane and Eliza are really the ones any man should pursue. Eliza is a confident, beautiful, brilliant, willful, outspoken woman that is humble, truthful, and compassionate as well. She knows who she is, she knows what she wants out of life, and she's not willing to compromise on the important things. Even if she were somewhat plain-looking, she'd be a girl you'd talk to for hours and be enthralled by. However, she is very judging, and when she first meets Fitzwilliam Darcy, his pride and conceit causes her to have a terrible impression of him (first impressions DO matter). This poisons her opinion of him for a large portion of the novel, regardless of his actions to the contrary on several occasions. Eventually, things come to light and she hears more about him from people who have actually known him for years or worked for him and his family (a good rule of thumb---always judge people by how they treat subordinates, not by how they treat "equals") and discovers that he is far and away a much better person than she initially realized, and that her prejudice blinded her to his reasoning for previous actions. Conversely he learns that he comes off as conceited, hubristic, and dismissive to many people without reason, and spends a great deal of the novel (off page, the story IS about Elizabeth after all) trying to correct that. The moral of the story is not to let first impressions totally influence every interaction with someone, but also to emphasize the difference between a "nice guy"/scoundrel, and an actual man of value Darcy is a man of value, even without his fabulous wealth. Darcy is a man of value because of who he is, his actions and deliberation, and the lengths he will go to for others with little regard for himself. Guys, if you want to find an Eliza, a woman worth being with, one who knows herself and will be herself, who will call you out for your failings and make you improve, and be the kind of life partner you actually want to spend your life with, you need to be an actual "man of value". By and large, that has almost nothing to do with what you have, or how you look---it's all about being who you are and showing that. Looks and toys are great, they can catch someone's attention. But holding their attention requires the person you are being WORTHY of attention. And vice versa, because beauty doesn't mean anything if they are vain, callous, and small-minded.

I'm an indigenous woman with Black/Indigenous children. Navigating this world, especially with young sons whose friends (mostly white) eating up the red pill Manosphere is terrifying. It's terrifying raising a daughter in this world. Beyond grateful to find your content!!

I know this video is for boys and men (and I watch partly because I have a son), but there is good advice for girls and women in here too. Performing certain aspects of femininity might get you a lot of sex partners as a woman, but the quality will be lacking. My husband is a man who I have always felt like I could be myself around. I value that so much. Fat, thin, in between, my man loves me for who I am and I can’t tell you how much that has helped me to grow as a human. He has helped me to grow my skepticism and reasoning and I have helped him to grow his empathy and other normal human emotions and we are both better people as a result. I was bigger than my man when we first met in high school and I was bigger than him for most of our relationship together. If we had let that stop us, we would have missed out on so much.

I am a 24 y/o ex-chubby baby-faced male. I’ve been unpacking my feelings of rejection from other males. Most of my friends are female. I gave up on masculinity performance but I find myself still feeling as though I’m on the outside with other males even though I have 5 brothers. I last year picked up Crossfit. It changed my mind on what makes a strong or confident human: strongest guys in the gym weren’t even straight or didn’t have six packs. I’m slowly learning to love myself by addressing the ugly feelings I have about myself.

As a trans man myself, I am incredibly grateful you included us in the conversation. Not just referencing us but actually seeking out and including a trans man in the video. We are often left out of discussions around masculinity (especially in the Manosphere for obvious reasons) when we often feel the sting to prove ourselves as men even more acutely than cis men due to so much of society insisting our manhood is some kind of evil delusion, so thank you.

I really needed to hear that teaching boys not to cry is abuse. I've known it was a bad or shitty thing to do to a kid, but hearing how plainly you expressed it with language that communicated real harm - it moved something within me. I'm still dealing with the consequences of parents who were so worried how their "effeminate" child was going to be perceived that it prevented them from responding to my needs as well as damaging my ability to express myself or ask for help in healthy ways. Because I was taught "not to be so sensitive" it's been almost impossible for me to validate my own issues because that voice in the back of my head is telling me maybe I'm just too dramatic or weak. It's so important that we have people like you using their platforms to verbalize this because it really can change lives for the better. Thank you so much for your kindness and all of the thoughtful work you put into your content.

Being able to identify, process, verbalize, and express emotions or feelings is something that is learned, and can be developed even in adulthood with both men and women. For me as a 38 year old black man, I was raised in a household where "I love you" wasn't said often, and we rarely talked about our feelings. I now have a 4 year old, and I remember when my son was younger he tripped and fell, and he bumped his head on the floor. He looked up at me, and I could see that he was hurt, but I could also see that he did not wanna cry in front of me. I realized in that moment how what I said or reacted was going to influence the way he was going to, in the foreseeable future, react when he would get hurt. So I told him, "son it's ok to cry if you are hurt. And it's ok to say that you are hurt and feeling sad if that's how you feel". After I told him this he was able to be vulnerable, and then he started to cry. I crawled over to him, and I embraced him. I gave him that space to feel. I never got this when I was a kid. When i got hurt my parents asked if I was ok, and they told me that I had to be strong, and I didn't need to cry. I now feel confident that my son, when he gets older, will be able to feel safe enough to come to me and tell me if something is bothering him. It was important to me to create a safe space for him. I've been in therapy for 3 years now, and I've just started to learn how to identify what I'm feeling, and what goes on physically with my body when I'm having a certain feeling or emotion. And I've learned to better verbalize those emotions with my wife now than when we first got married. It has made me a better person as a man, a better husband to my wife, a better father to my son, and a better friend to my peers. I don't think I am a weaker man for expressing my emotions or feelings. I think I've become more authentic, and I've given myself more grace to make mistakes, and not always try to be the strong one in my relationships. I actually think I've become a stronger man because I am able to express myself without thinking that I'm being weak in that moment. I highly recommend studying Plutchik's Wheel of emotions. He points out eight primary emotions: anger, anticipation, joy, trust, fear, surprise, sadness and disgust. I suggest getting good at identifying these emotions in yourself. It will help provide good information on what's going on with your mental and physical state of being.

When I went to a gym with personal trainers, the trainers who were women invariably gave me better, more positive experiences working out. The men seemed either unable or unwilling to believe 1) that I was there primarily for my health, to lose weight to improve my sleep and my asthma, 2) that to the extent that I wanted to change my appearance, I wanted to change it for my own sake, and not for the sake of some hypothetical other’s gaze, 3) that I wanted to get slender without looking “swole,” and I actively wanted to AVOID looking “swole,” 4) that my picture of masculinity was … me, already, that I didn’t want to put on some weird “man” mask that wasn’t already me, that I was happy with myself aside from needing to drop 30 to 40 pounds and firm up a little flab. The trainers who were women understood ALL four points IMMEDIATELY. The trainers who were men kept referencing bodybuilder physiques, and emphasizing “hardness” and “toughness,” and apparently couldn’t help but impose their peculiar values over mine. It’s bonkers, the silly crap men are are societally conditioned to put other men through.

As a woman, this video was so informative and eye opening. Not because it taught me something new, but it lays out masculinity from so many objective positions and it starts conversations. I’m very guilty of justifying man hating and using my trauma as proof when in reality we are all super complex people who are fucked up in different ways. Thank you for that, I feel a little more healed ❤

This video has done more for my abysmal self esteem and mental health than practically anything else, at least concerning self image. I'm not about to go all Peterson apostle and say you saved my life, but this has absolutely made me feel better living it. From a mixed kid who's been too pale for anyone to realise I'm Viet, thank you FD.

Woman love Keanu Reeves and Pedro Pascal. They aren't looks maxed or whatever- they're genuinely nice dudes. They're funny, they're respectful, they're kind. Yeah they're decent looking but they aren't like unattainable types of male beauty. The Keanu and Pedro type of attractiveness is SO ATTAINABLE for regular men, because that's just what they are. They seem safe, they seem like allies, they seem like they'd be respectful and pleasant to talk to. The roles people love them in are the ones where they have a wholesome, soft side. Yeah they both have Protector or Badass Warrior roles as well, but even then those roles are grounded in a decent guy character. All you have to do is be decent. Pedro being a trans ally makes him 400000% more attractive to me, it's BADASS that he doesn't care what any stodgy old bigots say he just stands by what he thinks is Right. It's punk af to be kind. It's manly as hell to respect others and stand up for them. NEITHER of them are ripped or anything but you'd have an easy time finding women online who'd jump at the chance to get with them. It's easy to go to the gym and flex in the mirror and push the Patriarchal Standards with the entire force of society behind them. It takes much more strength not to go with that pressure and to be kind when the societal mob is encouraging men to be misogynist or to stifle their own emotional development, etc. Men who don't ascribe to toxic masculinity and harmful patriarchal ideas are SO attractive as partners and friends and colleagues.

As a 5'8 man I really appreciate the transman talking about his acceptance of height. I've run into the same shit. A woman once told me if I were 2 inches taller, I'd be an 8/10. I fell into this trap of because I was on the shorter side, and women wouldn't like me (many won't) I even nearly fell down the rabbit hole of being an incel/nice guy and would neg women. It either didn't work or if it did the kind of women I'd attract weren't OK themselves and I was perpetuating an abusive cycle. Was I stopped caring about my height focused on finding common interests and most importantly treating women like people and not objects. That went a long way. Women are people and young men get conditioned to see women as a prize or symbol of value. Yet at 17 and 5'6 at the time I managed to date a woman who was 6 foot tall and looked like a model. Confidence, general interest and being interesting went further than my physical self ever did. Edit: also for people think money is what makes a man valuable that's a condition of capitalism. I highly recommend the book "why women had better sex under socialism".

The meta experience of watching this video, feeling like crying, subconsciously telling yourself not to cry, recognizing it, and letting it happen was eye opening and freeing Thank you

I wish you had Tate's reach. It's always the evil, simplistic, harmful stuff that feeds the algorithm. This is the type of stuff men need right now.

The "boys don't cry myth" is partly because people believe that boys are easier, so they make sure they are by not actually raising them. But I wish more people would point out that girls are also often shamed for crying. Most people are as children because the adults around us find it annoying, if we just treated children better the world would improve drastically

Before we started dating, my wife described me as "charmingly obsessive" when I would talk about my passions and hobbies. At first I had to get a friend to help me figure out exactly what she meant by that, as didn't want to be creepy obsessive. What I ended up realizing was that being able to go into elaborate details about dinosaurs on a date (this happened on the first date) was actually a great at showing my curiosity and drive to learn, and it was these very aspects of myself learned through my hobbies that let me become a dedicated partner. Over the years I've had to learn A LOT, change, and grow and I'm fortunate my wife saw that ability within be even when at times I didn't recognize it within myself.

To the best I can tell, to be attractive, 1. Don't be a threat. 2. Display that you are willing and somewhat able to build the life they want. 1 is a negative filter, if you fail in this first you'll be rejected. 2 is the selection criteria. 2 is why the actual selection process is so variable. The life they want to live is different for everyone.

I like this keep Interviewing men. I am a cis women so idk why i choose to watch this but im intrigued.

The entire "'winter is coming' and THEN all you [slursforwomen] will NEED us [and thus submit to our psychosexual desires permanently and without complaint]" is just such an insane viewpoint to me for so many reasons. Perhaps the most sad/odious is that, stripped of patriarchal bias, this statement is explicitly an admission that not only do they not seem to be able to get a partner unless that partner is destitute and completely dependent upon them, but they hold such a power difference to be the ideal. And they wonder why women find "traditional masculinity" detestable!

There is nothing sexier than a kind and empathetic man. For me.

fucking love you man. it's so healing to see that men like you exist.

Healing video. I’m 30 and this is stuff I’ve never had articulated this clearly and empathetically. I’m bisexual in a long term straight presenting relationship, and I’ve struggled with masculinity and my relation to it all my life.

Personally in my experience, having friends that are girls was probably the biggest single eye opener when it comes to understanding women 😂

As a bisexual/pansexual male who has been in plenty of straight and gay relationships, that "gay male have more body issues and self-esteem problems" take hits hard. It's always funny to me when people say "just go gay" to straight lonely men because if you know, you know. A lot of guys I've dated have almost obliterated my self-esteem especially since many just see me as a "dom" or "top" and want me to treat them that way since I'm 6'4 and somewhat attractive and they never want me to show my emotions or feminine side. Meanwhile, I've had much more success with women because they allow me to show my more feminine side in an emotional sense but not always in the physical. I still struggle with body image issues but at least my self-esteem isn't just completely shattered because I'm not an emotionless sex robot and can express my beliefs with my fiancee.

Thank you for this. I find myself seeing so much of this online discourse about marriage and partnership and idealized masculinity and femininity and wonder what universe people are living in. All the Black married couples I know are over here with our stomach pouches and stretch marks and gray hairs and messy houses just living our lives. Ain't no single income breadwinner households, ain't nobody submitting, ain't nobody cooking gourmet meals and busting it wide open on demand every night. We're doing the best we can, working a lot, raising our kids, getting it in how we can get it, fussing at each other and being in love.

I think I really needed to hear this today. The part about being groomed into masculinity made me cry in my car. I've never heard that before. I feel so much sadness for all the men who have never internalized that message before I can't even begin to describe how much this video has fucked me up in a good way. Thank you 🙏

It's strange how much those memories of being told "boys don't cry" still hurt. Me and my best friend used to be routinely bullied throughout primary school (first 7 years after nursery/kindergarten) by the other boys in our class and I remember how whenever I cried, I kept being told by multiple different teachers (and the other boys obvs) that "boys don't cry" and whenever the bullying was brought up, they gave the hand wavey statement of "boys will be boys" and never tried to stop them, only gave us all punishments afterwards. One of the memories I still have is of being pushed down to the ground with my friend and being sat on by 2 of the heavier guys (from like a standing position, not like gently sitting down like a chair) and of the air being pushed out my lungs when they landed on me, and all that happened was that SOME of the boys (which included me and my friend) got told off and had 5 minutes taken away from the free time we had on a Friday, because after all "boys will be boys".

I've had a number of chats with male friends in my life about this topic and the number one thing I always have reiterated to all of them is that they need to talk to and treat women like they are actual people. They all had the same "men are from Mars women are from Venus" attitude towards women and they kept wondering why it was so hard for them when trying to date. The moment they started interacting with girls like they were boys, i.e. as equals, drastic improvements in their dating experiences and general ability to interact. A lot of men have deeply dehumanizing attitudes towards women and it holds them back massively more than anything else. Getting them to break through that barrier I've often found is the first real step for them not just to be happier with women, but to ditch their patriarchal upbringing.

I was listening to the audio version of this video at about 9.30pm doing bicep curls because i feel like my biceps are not big enough and therefore i am not enough despite my 5 year training consistancy all under the gaze of looks maxxing so i can be so attractive and irresistible to all women whilest driving a fleshy Mercedes benz. I am doing all of this whilst i have to be up at 4.30am in the morning the next to get to work so i can repeat the whole cycle again. I hate to say it but i am a victim of patriarchy and i dont think i will ever stop doing this to myself because its so ingrained in me that i dont see any other way. I am not working out because i want to be healthy , i am doing it for more attention from the opposite sex. Thank you for your work, you are doing something really amazing and i wish more young man could see this.

I was deep in the red pill for a while and all it brought me was rage. and a nice physique ig. I learned the hard way that what the red pill teaches won't find you good relationships. if I could travel back in time 4 years and tell my 15 year old self one thing I would say "strive to be the best version of who you truly are and don't let pressure tell you what you should be" with a gun to my younger selfs head 😂

As a trans man, most of your videos genuinely help me analyse my own perception of masculinity. The fact that a big part of your perspective so incredibly relatable for me personally, helps me understand my own identity and at least feel like I fit into society as a man

I genuinely wish you nothing but success because boys and young men need creators like you to counteract all the Andrew Tates and Manosphere idiots out there and girls and young women need to understand the kind of respect and treatment they deserve from their men

My problem with 'be yourself' is that the self is fluid, most people are different at 15 and 25 and that's usually a good thing. I agree about the idea 'be your best self' and I think that might be why guys who get a sense of fulfilment from excercise often seem to be better both in dating and in life than guys who do it purely to 'get women'.

In a world where young men in society are beginning to reject these messages and seemingly are returning back to a conservative mindset. I really feel like your content helps the youth, especially the minorities on how to liberate our mind and embrace who we are as opposed to conforming our minds to what is “socially accepted”. I am a big fan of this bro, as a 20 year old mixed raced young man, social media has been riddled with these right wing opinions and messages that try to oppose the “woke agenda being pushed” and when you dive into this stuff with such a young and impressionable mind, you tend to start to believe what these right wings media faces have been saying. Your content has really helped me grasp who I am and originally intended to be as well as giving me a better understanding of what I believe is right! Keep going!

As a gay man I found this video really refreshing. I am attracted to so many different types of men, but it ultimately comes down to vibes. It's damn hard, if not impossible to learn how to have good vibes, but if I had any advice to men out there, don't have sex or a relationship be the end all be all goal. Meet and talk to people to meet and talk to people. Forge connections. Maybe someone who isn't feeling you that way has a friend who would be.

Had a really long talk with my partner about our experiences and masculinity (we are both trans masculine people) And we joked that we had a dad-talk with you , even though you are cis, and that helped us a lot. Then I opened comment section and found out there are so many other trans men here and it’s so funny Thank you for accidentally being our dad we needed when we were growing up

You really nailed it man, confidence and self love is everything. However the road there isn't a quick fix. It took me years of therapy and a lot of self examination and inner work before I could even think loving myself and being comfortable in my own skin was possible. But it is possible, so anyone in a dark place, please keep this in mind and remember, hope and compassion will illuminate the path forward, no matter how fake it might feel to believe so.

This is a fantastic video. I’ve been struggling with body image my whole life, but particularly the last year, as I had to take a hiatus from the gym and gained a ton of weight cause I was still eating like I was heavy weight training. I’ve talked to my wife, and no matter how many times she tells me she prefers the body I have now, it’s hard for me to accept cause of the toxic masculinity permeating through everything in this end-stage capitalist hell. Thanks, FD, for putting this out. Also, we need to take a moment to acknowledge something: male attractiveness has been under attack for a while now, well over a decade, and men have been desperate for relief and reassurance and a way out of this echo chamber constantly trying to tell us we need to be better, we need to be bigger, stronger, more sexual, etc. But we really need to take a minute to recognize that women have been subjected to this psychological warfare for DECADES. Centuries, even. If men are exhausted and miserable, just think how women feel…

Such a privilege to be part of this, what a fantastic video. 💙

Confidence as a trait of a desirable man is not "I can do anything, I'm so cool"-confidence, but "I'm comfortable enough with who I am that I don't feel attacked or a need to constantly conform myself to other people's standards"-confidence. It's confidence as a sign of emotional maturity. And it's emotional maturity that is attractive. I was initially attracted to my partner because he asked me questions and listened. Not to correct me, or debate or argue with me, or as a springboard to talk about himself. He was genuinely interested in what I had to say. I was in my mid twenties at the time and had never been listened to, really listened to before. There's something inherently attractive in being seen as a person, not a means to an end. When people want something from you; you know. And it's immensely off-putting.

There is very little I can say to add to this with how well this covered this topic. I especially appreciate the "put a finger down" bit, and specifically the mention of being told not to cry, as not only have I been groomed with that anti-crying rhetoric, it has been drilled into me to the extent that I am miserable and severely depressed because I have so much trauma I have not processed because I don't have the willpower to let myself process it if another person is in the room, which subsequently has made going to therapy and being able to open up during therapy equally difficult. We, as men collectively, are the ones who ultimately do the most damage to ourselves by spreading the rhetoric we grew up with, and we need to recognize that so we can stop the cycle and try to make some progress both for ourselves and generations after us.

Also I’m so grateful for all the ppl in the video willing to be vulnerable and share their inner monologues. That’s wild and commendable ❤

I get a lot of confusion from young men when they find out how much I have gotten around because as a relatively average nerd, they assume I have zero game. A big thing is having interests you are passionate about. Very seldom do I go out with a woman, even a nerdy one, that knows much about comic books, but the passion I have behind the medium and other things that I care about is something that multiple women have expressed is one of the hottest non-physical traits I have going for me, along with generally not being a misogynistic prick. I was definitely an incel in high school and college who didn't understand that despite my "nice guy" attitude, I had negative feelings about women and to seek what the relationship I thought I was "owed", I fell into pickup artist red pill nonsense. It wasn't until I got deradicalized and learned to love myself that my game started to develop and I've never been happier.

Love your part about gay men. So, my first boyfriend had this bad. I knew he was fatphobic, but it wasn't until we went on a week long vacation and he immediately started freaking out at how "fat" he had gotten, and that it was so noticeable. We were living in Asia at the time, he had not gained any weight whatsoever. He eventually started to put that shame on me and I was unfortunately too young to stand up for myself. We broke up because, surprise surprise, he had really bad intimacy issues which lead to an ugly bad break up that hurt my body image for a long time. He went on to deal with his emotions by going to the gym constantly, hoping to get that dream body and be one of the men he thought got laid constantly. 10 years later he still has intimacy issues, still has the same skinny body, and I've moved on and am finally happy with my own physique after a lot of self-work. I'm attracted to all sorts of body types but, ironically, find bigger men more attractive. I know many gay men who want to find a man so they don't have to keep up the body, as if suddenly they won't fear judgement on that day. EDIT just to say: You are such a masterful educator, and present such a good intersectional, feminist critique on men's issues that the world sorely needs.

Hey man, I just wanted to thank you. After going through the whole video I really got a chance to view different perspectives on this matter and I can say that, moving forward, I'll be able to work on myself with a lighter heart and with purpose.

I can advocate this whole video for certain, being bisexual and rather "free-spirited" in my 20s, by the fact that the dude that managed to lock me down is overweight, emotional, cries pretty easily (especially when it involves his pets,) is antisocial to a fault sometimes, is somewhat feminine in attitude, but also loves wrestling (yo FD he was so proud when I learned the concept of kayfabe from your Kanye videos,) and quite frankly is one of the dorkiest, goofiest, and sweetest guys I have ever known. Some people may see that list and wonder wtf I was thinking, but it turns out that all those things 99% of which are not "acceptable" by Tate's standards, were just the right traits to balance me out to be a better person myself. And just to be clear, I did not change myself for him either, it's been a natural maturing of the both of us along side each other (but I am still the wild one of the pair.) Been married 12 years now and never regretted a day. I liked the comment below about replacing "be yourself" with "show them who you are" because honestly, most of us don't got time to deal with the façade and can see right through it. Honesty is probably the #1 appealing quality.

This was an incredible video! As an asexual woman, it really shed light on many topics that I hadn't given that much thought to before! It made me think of a conversation I had with a coworker of mine: So I work with this guy. He's gay, married to another gay man and he's also a gym bro, they both are. Now he is a full Disney adult in a very specific way, which is that not only has he watched every marvel movie like it's his religion, not only does he want to fuck them all (and won't stop talking about it) but he also uses these characters/actors as inspiration for his personal masculinity. He is always at the gym, has a diet that is probably about 50% protein shakes and is physically very strong and imposing. And he has told me! That his goal is to look like Captain America, because he is really attracted to him and wants to emulate that. He has even convinced his husband to start working out intensely as well to attain this (unattainable) body type. One time, he had been sick and told me that, after he had taken a warm bath to feel better, his husband had gotten lowkey mad at him because that was "too gay". I immediately thought that was super controlling and weird, but he agreed! He said that normaly he would have never done it cause it was embarassing but that he was sick as a dog and really needed it. And I was like bro that is CRAZY like FULLY INSANE!!!!!! What is this masc4masc bullshit you guys have got going on??! Like love yourself at some point!! You ARE gay! You're BOTH gay! You're married to a man!! And a BATH is too gay??? I found it really telling that making sexual comments about men truly all the time (like to the point where it is innapropiate for work) is fine, because it "fits" with the sexually pro-active personality that we assign to men, but taking care of yourself was seen as embarassing... (Also a WHOLE lot of internalised homophobia going on there but they are weird guys so it's their bullshit whatever) Anyway thanks for this video! Really interesting!!

The one year I did sports in high-school, everything changed. Had women just throwing themselves at me for one semester. I kinda didn't love it, it was an odd feeling having people who don't know you, fawning over you when they know nothing about you. So in College I joined the campus events team and I got the same attention just from being the guy that posts the fliers and takes your ticket. It all just made me realize how people can really latch onto someone as long as they get a sense that they know you somehow. So just being visible about your interests seems to go a long way...really just give people an excuse to be able to talk to you. People are weird, sometimes in a good way, they really enjoy connecting with someone new.

I’m so grateful for your perspective You really made me feel better about myself I’m a cisgendered woman leaning more towards androgynous presenting and I’ve had so many problems with both men and women when it comes to desirability so the way you broke it down gave me a fresh perspective and also validated a perspective i hold. Thanks Unc 😊

Speaking as a woman who likes men, this the best advice on how to attract women on the internet I’ve seen.

Your point about loneliness is truth. I wasted too much time (and women's time) trying relationships hoping the woman would "fix" me when I really needed to work on my own shit first.

Your hobby advice is so right!!! I started crocheting, just doing a project here and there, and you would be surprised by how many people are into it, how many friends you can make, and get some partners if that's something you want! It gave me a new confidence, no joke, and I'm so happy you brought it up. Hobbies need to be prioritized and unmonetized!

1:20:42 THIS IS HUGE!!! as a trans man who i think presents in a very masc kind of passing but not too hard way with my gender, having a woman, and a straight one at that, being into you is a very validating experience because the internalized default setting of patriarchy kind of tells you that's the goal in being a man which is to have a woman desire you. i am bisexual with a masc lean but there was a point in my transition where i attracted a lot of girls and i thought huh maybe this means i am straight or more into women but i think this sums up perfectly my experience with dating and my gender validity.

I think it's also important to recognize that being in a relationship doesn't have to be a goal in your life. Like even if you don't have the perfect partner or a partner at all you can still pursue happiness in life.

Having been deep into gym culture and "liftin' bro", I can 100% corroborate that the people looking at your body the most are other men. And (as a cis dude) your gym crush isn't a lady you'd like to date, it's the bigger guy you'd like to be more like.

i Like hearing balanced discussions like this. Gives off a zen like feel in a world of ads and chaotic media

I have never commented on youtube, but it is very important to me to tell you how good and important I find your video. you give me hope that this vicious circle will end in my lifetime.

I think the biggest takeaway I got from this video (though not to underscore all the other things said that were also extremely helpful and made me feel better) was said near the end. If you are feeling lonely, a relationship is not going to fill whatever is ailing you. I have struggled a lot with self-love as a big guy that has gone through traumatic experiences with bullying. I definitely need to find some way to love myself first before trying to find someone to dump that emotional burden on. This video came at a perfect time for me, so if you're reading this, thank you FD.

As a young brown man in his mid 20s shedding his hetronormative skin do be my authentic self, there is nothing but absolute love I have for everyone in this video and other videos within the black, left adjacent spaces.

This the best “Be yourself” Message I ever seen

Absolutely necessary and wonderful video, thank you for this

As a larger guy who is currently going bald, I think I really needed a video like this. As hard as it may be to accept, you have to be comfortable in your own skin before anything else. Learning that GUYS are the ones that seem to pay attention to you at gyms as you bulk up, rather than women, was pretty eye-opening. Don't worry, F.D....my beard doesn't fully connect either.

Holy shit, this thumbnail is powerful

I think this is your best video so far Fiq. I've watched all your content, and you keep getting better at saying the words that best describe what we are going through. No one has all the answers, but your aproach to these subjects by consulting other creators that are different and similar to you, shows that you are also trying to learn, and teach.

I put all my fingers down except for the crying thing. My parents, especially my father(a veteran) wanted me to embrace my emotions at a very early age, I have specific memories of my father consoling me when our first cat died after getting run over by a car. My main problems came from how other boys in school seemed to be raised by parents that groomed them this way. Im lucky I have such a great dad that was in touch with him emotions enough, not to suppress mine at an early age. Great video.