I can’t with men that don’t have the guts to ask me out on a date. If you are too intimidated to ask me out, you are too insecure to date me. Point blank. The lengths some guys will go through to do everything but have the nerve to say they like me and ask me on a date is wild.
Black men always do this thing ( with me atleast), where they are semi bullying or mean af and expect you to be attracted to them. Wtf? Ive always been turned off by them in general because I like men who are kind to me. I have a preference for someone with my phenotype or keener features and i dont gaf about being called a colorist. No one gets to control our bodies except us.
This right here omg! The min I notice when black men start belittling me or labelling truths as jokes - my intuition is telling me “red flag! Run!” Cause why do they have the audacity to be mean?! If anything they are just too insecure to approach a confident and beautiful woman with kindness! NEXT! 😂
It's called = treat em mean to keep em keen....you see this in HipHop videos too it's like toxic love but coz you had similar trauma you never break up {Mary J Blige - we been too strong for too long....} On flipside wyt men are no different but much more sexist especially with wife jokes but the women don't make a fuss they just roll their eyes or stay silent.....I have very little tolerance for womanizer attitudes in fact it bothers me more than racism
I run into a lot who think therapy is just the therapist listening and enabling bad behavior. When they find out they are challenged in therapy they stop going.
Omg yes ! I’ve heard of so many men say things like “I’m not gonna go to therapy just to get beat up”. And also, I feel like the men who DO go to therapy think that the therapy means they can go back to the same behaviors . It’s the attitude of “I’m working on it!” But it’s like, I don’t want to have to wait around for decades for a man to get his mental illnesses under control .
Ooooooh that’s a good point ! Because yes, most of the black guys I’ve been around have been the upwardly mobile type or they have these super professional jobs
@@Rachel-vw3bi these tendencies can be found in most regardless of socioeconomic background. please be careful and don’t underestimate due to lower class because some of them will pretend to be nice guys because they know they have nothing to offer - then when they get you the mask comes completely off- they are the very definition of wolves in sheep’s clothing.
My ex spent all of his money at Nordstrom trying to look great. He did too! But who wants a man with great clothes, nice car and no financial literacy??!! 🤮 lol
This is was my high school/college bf. anytime he’d get paid he’d spend it on a new phone, New clothes… was broke af, no furniture in his apt but had expensive clothes. Forgiving myself for dating him for as long as I did has been an ongoing battle 😂😂😂
This was a good video. When you mentioned the lack of emotional regulation, that hit home. I had a man literally pull a gun on me because I didn’t respond to his cat call. It’s so insane!
I’m 30 minutes in and I implore you to not take it down. The amount of truth I’ve heard so far rivals anything said on RU-vid this year . Definitely mix it into shorts.
Agree, this must be preserved for future generations 😂 Especially girls need to listen to this, This pick me girls situation must stop, men are not wusses, they don't need our pity or adult mothering by women they want to date, they need to take responsibility for their lives and accountability for their actions, only they can decide to put their lives in order.
As an unambiguous black women, I felt this to the CORE, everything you said I 100% agree with which is why I myself find it very hard to personally date black men or even be attracted to them because of their behavioral patternss. I’ve dated other men of races and when I tell uou the difference between non black men and black men pursuing you, is quite evident. The first thing being is thay a lot of black men will persue you with intentions of getting you in the bedroom. A lot of them do not care or desire for a long term stable relationship- now ik this apply to other races of men but black men I feel are just way more obvious with it. A lot of them are used to be bm, bd culture so that’s what they really have to offer anyways.
Yes, I’ve noticed all the guys have pros and cons which is why I think women should decenter all of them. And women should definitely know what their dating priorities are. I would say if women care about being pursued past the first date and they value the courting process, they should only tolerate a man who values courting you as well.
Bw are way easier for wm to get than attractive ww, and bw show respect to basic white guys , they don't have to do much except show interest&compliment a bw's beauty, alot of bw resent being black because of the socio-economic stigma and the caste system in the west If a bm states that he "likes" a bw, it's called thirsty or stalker-ish depending on the situation, plus it's seen as weakness when bm do it, when non-blk men show interest it's called "romantic" This is just the way it is, I'm a blk man , 6'1 homeowner, gym goer, it's a different world as a bm, no default social allies, just goofy pookies and weirdos that want to compete&delete eachother for basic blk women instead of improving the collective condition of blk men
I’m black and black family members will want you to date for potential or settle for the sake of “love” or be bothered by your singleness.You want me to risk poverty or risk having to take care of a grown man ?! 😂 this may happen in other races but it’s extremely exhausting especially the kids part Omgosh!!!! . I’m so grateful I have my own mind and will continue to be called bougie.
My step-mother does this. Meanwhile, she's been a housewife since she married my Dad. I told her once, telling women to settle for less than what she has because of love doesn't sound right.
Yeah I noticed black guys have been excessive TALKERS and not DOERS in comparison to the other guys . Like with a lot of them in general, I notice they have difficulty taking a woman from friends, to talking stage, to first date, to second date, third date, girlfriend , fiance, to wife etc. it’s like an uphill battle for a lot of them I’ve noticed . I’ve also had friends who were into certain black guys, and the guy would let her slip through his fingers, and she ends up with someone else . (Then he gets mad) 😭
@@ExoticalsUnited girl exactly. Heavy on they have a hard time with the dating phases (or they simply just don’t want to do it). I know that I should open my options for dating but I’m attracted to black men…I don’t mind dating brown men but they simply don’t say anything 😩. Alas, good video! Still listening lol.
I’ve also had experiences in college where I didn’t give black guys/ mixed guys the attention they are used to by so many desperate women. Since I’m light skinned biracial they assumed we should be together- and would even get angry that I didn’t pedestalize them🤮 Recently I had a Latino guy tell me that I look like I only date white men😂😂😂
they do the same w east african (habesha) women as well. go on social media and look under the comments of any post related to east africans and they are there thirsting so bad and get mad when they get told we mostly marry within our own culture. they get so aggressive and mad and start w the “but we’re all black” bs to justify why we should even give them the time of day😂 they feel so entitled to habesha women, literally a group of women they share no cultural ties or heritage to it’s hella weird and it’s only for our phenotype.
1:20:17 They literally obsessed with getting me pregnant, and treat women like surrogates. They make weird comments like i want my daughter to have hair and hips like yours. It's so icky! Sometimes i wonder what they think is soo special about their seed.
Especially the last 20mins....I notice modern love songs in RnB never touch on these topics so I find the genre a bit dead and unoriginal now.... I personally don't get along with snobby men - they often preach to you plus try to make you feel guilty for rejecting them - some men will even accuse you of only liking pookie dudes when in reality I just prefer open-minded and charming guys however in his mind since he has no criminal record I should be rushing to his bed etc. I'll happily take a man who has had a hard life but has improved himself instead of a dude that waves his wealth in my face to pressure me into dating him - those types treat girls like robots + most have spiteful personalities as they can't accept refusal....
Yeah, generally speaking people just use it as a performative thing. Most people aren’t as pro black as they say because they will date and marry other races, say rude and mean things to their colleagues within that movement, etc. so I don’t take it seriously
I'll never forget one time I was walking home carrying my groceries and this overweight dark skin black came up to me whilst he was on his bike and made fun of me because my bags were heavy then asked for my number??? what😭
I've noticed a lot of them will mention to me something to the effect of I need to "fight" for the relationship/them, or I need to (or they'll try to test me) "sacrifice" for them/the relationship, or something about a "struggle". It's always words that let me know they expect in some capacity for relationships with them to cause me some sort of strife and I don't get it. I don't get that type of expectations expressed to me by any other group of men. Then when I tell them I'm not doing all of that just to keep them around, they get offended or try to argue. It's weird af.
That and I noticed older men, married men, and men with girlfriends be attracted to me, try to get at me, and stare at me in a provocative manner…no sir I will not be no home wrecker nor be “the placeholder” for when you and your girl don’t get along🤦🏽♀️🤣
LMAOO I remember this one man was staring me down as he walked passed me with HIS ARM AROUND HIS GF/WIFE. I was disgusted, idk anyone who’d get turned on from that🤮
As a Latina who has dated all types of men, I have to agree. Black & Latino men are THE WORST! I stick to upperclass white and arab men now. Level up 😂🥰💗
1:18:37 I’m the same way, I’ve stopped wearing those types of styles for quite some time. I notice a lot of those hairstyles attract certain guys I’m not interested in. Also, recently an UADSW asked me why I always wear my hair the same way and never switch it up with braids or other hairstyles. Like it’s a crime or something. It’s simply just not my style I told her.(I prefer to wear my natural hair silk pressed)
@honks9484 omg!!! I was 23 when I lost my virginity! Go figure! Yeah, you will have a lot of people who are going to think you are straight-up lying. Oh well 🤷♀️
These last 2 videos have resonated so much. I mean, you've been hitting on behaviors that date back to high school for me. Keep these up! An hour and 1/2 is a treat, I was cleaning the house and listening the whole way through.
I absolutely advocate not dating anyone who didn’t have a two parent household/positive male role models. I learned from other people’s mistakes so I didn’t have to make it myself - It’s not worth it and it’s not our job to save or help these men
The rush to have a bang-maid is very telling of their status. Higher circles vet and are not eagerly making themselves available to the general public. Great video. ❤
This entire commentary made me feel so good about decentering men, especially black men. I often too find myself walking on eggshells with them. Interestingly enough, I’ve been told a few times from black men that I look like the type to go for a non-black guy. Not sure what they mean by that but I’m assuming it’s to do with my personality and how well spoken I am. I’ve had abusive experiences with black boys since high school. When I left for university, my experiences with them got a little better but was still a dissatisfied with how they go about dating. I was their placeholder. I thought if I stayed loyal to dating black men things would change but it didn’t. So I’ve now decided to be more open to dating non-black men but not the broke/dusty ones.
Love the video! Just wanted to say I have had a lot more luck with African and Caribbean black men than American ones. I tend to be more attracted physically to black men so that's who I usually date but it was a horror dating AA men. 🤦🏽♀️. My current bf is a lawyer and property owner from Haiti.. he went to an Ivy League school, is worth about $15 mil and treats me like a princess! These AA black men get pissed if you ask them for a cup of coffee (like $1 7/11 coffee, not even specialty Starbucks coffee either). Meanwhile he looked at me crazy when I tried to pay for us on his birthday back in February. 😅
Be careful with them diaspora dusties. My ex-husband was Haitian and before we got married I thought I won the jackpot the way he pampered and treated me. Then we we got married! MAJOR SWITCH UP! Treated me like crap with a nice tennis bracelet or watch here and there to keep me on board. His other Haitian friends were no better to their wives. Be careful with them, they love to have something on the side with a wife at home.
@@homemadeeasy9418yeah to be honest I am kinda worried about the way Haitian culture accepts men philandering. My bf's father had eight kids with three different women (these weren't side chicks either, he had three different families - one in Haiti and two in America at different ages in his life - and from the way his family and friends approach the situation it doesn't seem like an odd or unusual occurrence at all. Personally I am of the opinion that all men cheat and as long as they are taking care of you and your children and not embarrassing you publicly it's silly to stress out about it. That said I have never caught or suspected my man of cheating so I don't know how stoic I would be if it actually happened. 😆
As an Indian woman dating a black man for the first time in my life I was thinking maybe it was just me.. and I was thinking to get back with him and give him a chance you just saved me!!!!
9:00-11:00 This is so manipulative. I saw this happen on the Bachelor years ago with a Haitian woman that was an orphan. The white bachelor was always made to feel bad for her when he was just trying to take her on a simple date. All she'd do is trauma dump the entire date and he was always visible sad. It was so weird to watch. It's creepy to use empathy against you instead of allowing a fair chance see if there's genuine compatibility.
To add to the point you made about a man on the street literally throwing a drink at you for ignoring his cat call, there’s a case of Ruth George from Chicago, I went to her sisters high school in Naperville. She was still in college, attending UIC. She was walking back to her car in her college garage around 1am (yes you can say she was being unsafe but she did not deserve this) and a black man cat called her, she chose to ignore him and so once she got to her car he strangled her and assaulted her in her car, then killed her. Not only can these types of black men be petty, they can downright be dangerous bc they have nothing to lose….
@ExoticalsUnited same. Someone spit chewing tobacco on my drivers side handle once, claiming I didn't know how to park. I was straight in the lines, too. I figured something else bothered them. I was on a date with a guy from Colombia who was pissed and cleaned off the mess for me and waited in the parking lot to make sure no one followed me.
Black men want you to struggle with them and because of them. Majority of the times they have nothing to offer you and can’t even secure an emotionally stable relationship. I will choose a man I get along with that I do not have to “Struggle” with by over romanticizing things and hurting myself in the end.
I cut out ALL friendships with male friends except for my dad and brother. I noticed with time, they show their true colors and I can't unsee how ugly those colors are. I'm more vigilant than ever about what male is around me in my presence and I even adopted a more witchy approach and don't pay guys as much kindness as I did. I notice they behave quickly now when I'm a witch. My rule of thumb is: If he's around me to use me, and he isn't letting me use him first in a satisfying way I want, he's dropped. No if ands or buts. Dropped. Also older women, I'm very careful of. Especially if they have a son they're trying to marry off 😂😂😂😂 Also ya, guys (regardless of color) wanna trauma bond and "oh I'm like you, I've been in your shoes" Man you're the SHOE! And not a glass one!
A lot of them play weird psychological games just to try and make you feel small and then get mad when u don’t. They also often times take forever to get this stuff together. Like when I was dating, they would consistently be the dates where they tried to make things sexual wayyy too early, rarely asked any substantive questions, and spent more time trying to rush things through texting rather than letting things unfold through meaningful connection. The emotional regulation thing is so accurate too.
Alright E.U. bringing the SMOKE 🤣...I feel so validated by this video had very similar experiences thought it was just me...The thing I hate most dating AA men is never knowing where I stand are we dating? booty call? Situation ship? I always feel like I need to be a mind reader..
Who would've thought that this video talking about black men would be helpful for me to become a better person. This is one of the things I like about you, even when you "trash" talk, you're always insightful and giving value. My deepest respect, I want (will) to become more like that.
This video made me subscribe to your channel! Your insights have been spot on! I'm an African American woman, so I know our dating experiences would differ, but I can definitely relate to having encountered the degeneracy of Black men. They refuse to evolve, so I stopped dating them a while ago. Also, thank you for noticing the difference between AA women and AA men; it's so frustrating being affiliated with them at times.
Oh yeah, trust me I don’t think people affiliate unambiguous women with unambiguous men. I believe society views men and women differently regardless of race actually.
I was surprised how some black guys were actually rude to me during college… I could not understand cause I thought they liked pretty girls…glad I got treated a lot better as I matured
That was a humbling tactic that they use VERY OFTEN. It's literally taught to the younger ones from generation to generation. They tell the young ones "you gotta break a b!tch down." 😬😤😡 Their mission is to break down the pretty girls' self esteem so that she is easily accessible to them even though they know damned well they have nothing of substance to offer her. Then, when she does give one of them a chance, they get off on dogging her out. That's why it's best to NEVER date them under any circumstances. 99% of the time, they don't really like us.
I'm just so sad that I've been a pickme my whole life and I'm always trauma bonding with men and people in general and it needs to stop! I need peace,calm, and love! Sympathy and empathy sex is very real and I've been giving my body to people who don't deserve my mind,body or soul! These black men are just out to hustle me! And the black women are out to hustle you too. GOD please help me stop being a pickme! AMEN! AMEN!
Wow the fact that after your broke up with the man, and his family was messaging you is crazy. That is classic flying monkey behavior. I really loved your analysis! It was well done
@@PrettyPolyInPink I've notice when bm do things like this they always want praise they can't do any acts of kindness without anything in return then they wonder why women won't date them
@@PrettyPolyInPink right! He was better off not holding the door if that’s how he was going to act just because I was in a daze and forgot. It’s the entitlement they be giving off.
Just to give background I was in special ed on an iep in school and I just needed extra help academically and I had black guys pursue me who were in those classes because a lot of young black boys are put into special education and I happened to be in there. I’ve noticed from my experience black men are very persistent to a point where it’s annoying even if you aren’t interested. I’ve always had older like significantly older white guys pursue me and I see them as the best option at least right now because I prefer to date within my own race and if I do have relations I only will be with a white guy or an Asian guy or a Hispanic guy
Unfortunately this is very true especially about black men and black women also! They are very exhausting and to be around,be in a relationship with, and just socialize with or interact with in general! I don't know what I'm going to do about dating, courting,or marriage because it seems like my options are very limited! I don't want to help nobody with anything anymore! I'm just drained! AMEN!
Dang the party story is true. How many MLS men pulled me with that dating strategy; concerts and crowded gallery shows.. I even got ROBBED ... Wait for it.... Twice with a dusty MLS "best friend" I was desperate for for too many embarassing years. The last MLS guy I dated was a raging alchohlic, downlow, abuser loser who baited me with a salsa dance date too. Smfh Gosh I am so grateful to grow. Thanks for this long video! *Proceeds in light skin pedicure*
Mixed girl from Germany here. Mixed girls over there tend to be self hating because of obvious reasons. Most of their dads are passport bros or weird wht dudes with a control fetish. The main reason why I moved away from that country. It's not a place for black/mixed people who want to be successful imo.
I love this video. It’s so interesting to hear your perspective as a mixed woman, because as a “whitewashed” black girl I oddly relate to a lot of what you’re saying.
I’m A 32 Year Old Exotical…Mom Half White I Get Told I Look Native American, Ethiopian Etc…I Finally Gave This Black Man A Chance We Went On 4 Dates He Planned Them All Best Dates I’ve Ever Been On Brought Flowers, Always Picked Me Up Dropped Me Off, Opened Car Doors, BUT He Would Never Compliment Me (Which Felt Weird) I Was Always Dressed Makeup, Hair, Nails Etc…Always Was Done. Long Story Short I Stopped Talking To Him. Some Men Wont Compliment You Because They Feel Like “You Heard It Enough“ 😂😂😂 Thats Basically What It Was Giving. Also I Dont Have Social Media, But I Would Lurk His Ig & Twitter Account & He Was Talking Shit Saying “Bitches Think Men Supposed To Do Everything” Just Complaining & Ranting On His Accounts…LOL I Was Still Going On The Dates Out Of Boredom Never Confronted Him About It. I Just Recently Ghosted Him & Never Going Back & He’s Still Talking Shit 😂
Omg yes! I’ve literally had black men say out loud “I don’t want to boost your ego” or “don’t compliment her she’s gonna get a big head”. Yeah, the red pill really exposed a lot of them 😂
Yes my ex was black Haitian and Iraqi. He was like I want a self sufficient woman like my mom. He was christian, but knew I wasn’t and I dress in secular clothing. He still was seggsually active with me. Would say I should dress more modest around his mom, knowing that was not me. They go after baddies but want us to have pick me behavior like we’re ugly. I’m too pretty for that, so I leave.
Omg girl you have gone through a lot; i understand that you have toughened up with everything that you've dealt with, and I'm so sorry that you were sexually objectified since your childhood, that really messes you up when it comes to your self perception and lack of trust. I'm glad you didn't let men use you and abuse you as they wanted, you have a lot of strong will. I hope that you don't go through that path of being overly materialistic and superficial, cause life is more than that you know, but i understand that you were kinda cornered with not many or anyone to protect you when you need it. I know that you don't want to attract pity or anything like that, but I'm just very aware of what it feels like to be picked on by literally everything about you. Stay pretty Exoticals United!! (your name)
All I’m gonna say is I used to primarily date bm and all these issues are exactly why I lost attraction to them as a whole. I had low self esteem most of my life and once my self esteem got higher I naturally lost attraction to them.
34:50 - I’ve been through something very similar! I had an experience with a very religious man of God who’s a pastor. I told him that I am not religious at all! I have my own set of beliefs I subscribe to. Then he proceeded to continue pursuing me because he thought that if we aren’t compatible on a spiritual level, then a sexual relationship is all that can happen because he still wanted me in some capacity. But I let him know from the jump that I’m not in interested in having sex too soon with him yet till this day he still tries to seduce me. It’s weird because I thought he would want to honour his body and wait till marriage but I guess not all pastors are spirit filled as they like to think. To me when a man gives into easily to his sexual urges, it’s a turn OFF!
I'm definitely not surprised by his actions. Church Christians are VERY DIFFERENT from spiritual Christians. I realized many years ago that those who got their religious habits and beliefs from the church culture are the worst! That is, unfortunately, why so many women who grew up in the church wind up leaving Christianity. They saw first hand tons of m¤Ies who live totally hypocritical and sometimes even d&monic lives. I am so grateful that I was raised to be FREE spiritually. We celebrated all of the Christian holidays and believed in God but Church was not a part of our life in my household. If we wanted to read the Bible or any other spiritual books, we were free to do so, which is what I did. As a result, I studied many religions before I truly accepted Christ as my savior and I'm able to stand firmly in my beliefs. The m&n in those churches NEVER truly seek a relationship with God and they couldn't care less about a woman's spiritual values. They are literally only drawn to the church because of the culture inside of churches. That whole structure is set up to brainwash women to bow down to m¤Ies simply for them being m¤Ie. Simultaneously, they brainwash the m¤Ies to believe that they are superior simply because they are m¤Ies. No wonder all of the women are leaving churches. I just find it sad that they walked away from Christ when they could've just left church culture. Long story short, never trust a "devout" Christian m¤n, he's 99.9% of the time a whole d&mon.
I second this 1:19:00... whenever i have braids or i make an afro with my hair, its exclusively african men talking to me and the 'conversation starter' is always my hair. lol
1:23:25 it shows how little respect men actually have for motherhood. Women teeter on the edge of life and death dealing with pregancy and child birth. A man offering that up to a woman outside of the container of marriage is NOT A COMPLIMENT ❤
Im not ambiguous but I go through alot of the same problems as a black woman. The empathy thing is spot on. I get called selfish because I am more self centered than ever before. I refuse to be empathetic towards individuals who are the creators of their own struggle. I refuse to go out of my way to continuously go out of my way to help people who start their own fires and expect me to help them put them out like I dont have a life of my own to cater to and build. This channel is only helping me realize, even with the comment section that maybe I need to try dating outside my race and just see if I get a different experience. At the end of the day black men will do everything in their power to negate the fact that out of everybody on the planet statistically speaking they are at the bottom when it comes to resources. Even if that means humbling their own women by doing what you call triangulation. Don't be a black woman who is intelligent, has personality and is attractive...they triangulate you with women that are ambiguous or any woman who is not black and pretty. This channel is really helping me realize that if youre pretty your pretty and we can all coexist together without any haste or envy. Teaching admiration for beauty outside yourself. This content is needed because at the root of it men are the problem. I cant tell you how many times ive experienced triangulation as early as high school.
