Inconsistency is his way of showing a lack of commitment to the woman he is with. Best is to let him go for good as a man who truly loves you will never give another man the chance to get you. Kick him to the curb.
Same here...my last marriage I had to really heal from. Took God and me over 2 years and I became so happy. It was peaceful, I had my dogs, I had and still have this amazing job. Wasn't looking for anybody. When I saw him, I found out who he was and then did my best never to run into him at work until that faithful day. Now? I am trying to figure this all out. One day I will, I'm sure 😅
I just broke up with him for this. He doesn't do phone calls so you can't have a conversation with someone like that. My heart hurts and it's sore but I spoke to him about it before and he said he didn't want to lose me but put himself in the position to lose me. He can go days without speaking with me, hardly ever spends time with me and no intimacy at all, even when I spoke to him and asked.
Same... Watching this video makes me want to try and talk to him again... Truly see if I'm giving the wrong attitude while I talk.. But then I have to remember that he said he was like this, that he was the one that stopped communicating and he was the one that lied, cheated and made me hurt and angry in the first place... I was calm. Until his actions.
@@Gerealistic That's what I keep asking myself. I keep trying to say to myself that I understood and I won't take him back... But letting go hasn't happened yet. So I was just trying to communicate about where we're at now. But why I made the comment, he was inconsistent before he cheated and lied. No phone calls, no intimacy( that wasn't sex) and no time together. That's why I said same.
@joyjemmott6278 oh okay makes sense. He still doesn't deserve you though. Men can be so selfish, putting you on a shelf and doing the bare minimum whilst you try to love them harder or watch all the videos under the sun trying to understand him better...and he isn't even bothered. Living his life and communicating with you when he feels like it
i don't know what i would do if I hadn't found this channel, every video you put out is like a message from the universe or god himself, i cannot thank you enough for continuing to provide this level of content. for those of us trying to be intentional in dating & truly looking for the man who is best for us, i know i can always come to your content for reliable advice & information & i just feel so lucky. i tell everyone about this channel. thank you so much for being the light in the dark while we're out here searching for our person- appreciate you so much ❤
Don’t do anything to win him because you can end up chasing him like I did. Worst of all, he acts like nothing happened when I bring it up and expects me to forget about it. He knows this stuff hurts me and yet he still does it. Your best bet is to communicate your standards while making sure you own up to it or walk away if he doesn’t step up. More importantly, stay busy with your life so you won’t have time to think about him like that.
My man has been going through financial troubles/changes in jobs, etc. for the last 4-6 months, I just recently put him on to a job opp that gave him a significant increase in salary, but he is still troubled in ways I can't help. (not saying im trying to, I also applied to the job, just told him about it.) but the communication, routine, all that has went down the drain. I get it, but why would he not say "hey, right now im going through a lot and need space." instead of changing his behavior? Cause the triggering part is, I WANT TO DIP!!!
Stephen I gotta give it to you: you were right. I intentionally decided to try the communication route after watching your video again, whereas I at first was fully prepared to just leave this guy alone. I kindly talked to him about the inconsistency, and it turns out he saw my "wall" I had up and was thinking the same: that I wasn't that into him and didn't have time for him (I was reciprocating the inconsistency). He had some things going on that occupied his mind and he was reciprocating MY inconsistency lol. It blew my mind 🤯 that this actually happened! I knew for sure he was just playing games or not interested. Anyway, we'll see how it goes. But yeah, its crazy how spot on you were.
If the people get use to being single and walking away they keep doing it. Being alone and leaving relationships does not make you better in them. Sorry man, humans are rarely perfect. Men and Women are made for each other, so just work it out everyone as long as the person isn't doing crazy bad things.
I'm scared! LOL I say that jokingly but I'm so serious. It's been a minute since I've been in the dating arena but the time has come to enter back in. I know that God is with me! I'm picky and particular so that ought to cut out a lot of nonsense and drama from the gate and I have a GREAT coach! Thanks Stephan! I appreciate you!!
I want to take this advice but at the same time I don’t. Why do men only do things because we want it? Like do y’all ever WANT to these things? Y’all don’t want communication as well. I just can’t get with the idea of telling someone exactly what to do. I just would rather see what their desire is for me and if it’s not enough oh well I guess😭
I was just browsing and decided to see this video. So true what your saying. It's challenge to have a conversation in a calm and loving way though. Better yet to stay calm throughout
Am dealing with inconsistent now the truth is that am totally tired after 3yrs of not being in a relationship just wanted to give a try again here he come again with almost the same attitude after 3months of his persuasion Just tired already I'm about to quit... But after hearing this....hmmm...will give a try and see what will happen Seriously watching you now just calm me down 😅😅😅😅
My friend is consistent with communicating but he’s busy during the week working 2 jobs (single man 39 with no kids) and his parents live 2 hours away and sick so he goes home to help with out some weekends (he’s the only child) I’m trying to have a positive mindset about it lol but it’s annoying that he’s not as free as I am.
I don’t play the games especially jealousy I honestly do not know or have anyone in my life at this point that I would entertain or be in a possible relationship with
When I asked him he said idk I suck, my stomach dropped and my thought was okay he is full of it I need to walk away and I said I need a better response than that. He jus really didn’t know what to say and then I told him what I’m looking for in communication and how I operate and what I would like and then he did become consistent again but then reverted back to being inconsistent so I let it be and the next day he says if u notice I’ve been inconsistent is bcuz I relapsed to smoking weed again and I fall asleep. But he cancelled our next date then wanted to see me the next day and I said no bcuz I’m not Gna available when he wants me to be and also he had plans that day that he cancelled me and I’m not sure with who and I did not want to ask bcuz I felt he would not be honest. So then I just eventually walked away bcuz I felt I deserved more and he was meeting what I asked. And he said that he felt that I told him what I been wanting to tell him which is walk away. I’m like hmm did he try to do things so I can bcuz he didn’t know how to cut me off? But I’m glad it’s done then he texts me a week later saying hey how u been blah blah after seeing my pic of a transformation I had in my hair in my head I’m like nope ur not Gna get the same access and was flat on my responses. Then he jus stopped texting overall again then txt me one word again after a day and didn’t respond for the Rest of the day I jus laugh at this guy now bcuz I’m like what r u doing? lol
I am not entertaining or in any relationship with a man as a significant other at this time but I am working with Jehovah/Yawhey (pardon my spelling)/Jesus/Holy Spirit Especially Jesus to strengthen my relationship and understanding and walk with him and I know at some point I will want to date again but I will make this absolutely clear that even though I support Israel I am American and I am a Christian and a female even if The Heavens have me trying to representing God doesn’t change your sex. I am currently divorced and I have established total annulments from the Catholic Church so I am free to remarry whether it be a Christian or a Catholic or some other religious person but I prefer someone who I am evenly yoked with
If he is inconsistent that I can easily assume he is dating others and/or he is not serious about me. I am not going to have a conversation with him. Sorry I am not on the same page with you on this one Stephan.
I don’t think this part of the video pertains to my experience because in my experience no man has approached me in a natural way or manner with the outmost respect and truly being biblically/spiritually knowledgeable as well as in a loving manner however I have definitely noticed on several occasions someone trying to acknowledge that they were demonstrating an interest by placing certain things into my environment that surrounded me
What about when you fall into the mens trap of his wanting to be in the relationship while being social. But hey behind close doors he lies to everyone and does the opposite while at home!
My ex and I are trying to rekindle our relationship, but he lives in Jamaica and I lives here in the states,. In the last month he calls me every day sometimes 5 times for the day, now for the last week he's not calling me as much, he's taking all day before i get any calls or text from him. I'm very observing but I don't know what to say to him
Hi i'm in a situation right now where he's inconsistent sometimes i he don't call or text for a day or two late text reply i'm the one putting in all the effort
just met a man went out with him 2 times now he wants to see me once a week. If he fits my schedule ok. I just met him my goodness I need time to see if I want to see him on regular basis. He is probably faster than me. I was married for 34 years. knew my husband almost 40 years. I am not in a hurry I don’t want to rush but get to know a person and that takes time
If a man seriously wants to get to know me, i think he naturally wants to hear from me everyday. I can't fathom being into a person and go through a whole day without knowing if they are ok! That's just me...
Me too! We go out on the weekend, then this is Tues. nite, and no contact. Then if you contact them, the dating coaches normally say you will be perceived as needy.
If a man were to be inconsistent with me, the last thing i'd be worrying about doing would be trying to decode that sort of behavior. I'd be more worried about moving on to a man more willing to express himself without the game playing. Maybe that's just me. Knowing how to communicate effectively solves sooo much!! But you also gotta be with the right person. Sometimes, you have to let people go. Too many folks block their blessings by tryna force shit not meant for them. Most respectfully, & myyyy opinion😊
Dumped a guy three times due to inconsistent actions. Every time he returned, I forgave him. I had hope. He dumped me after the third time I let him back in. 😢😂. But met a good and consistent man now. Fingers crossed.
I am at a stage in my life where I shouldn't have to teach a man how to treat me. Consistency is one of my standards and if he doesn't know how to do that then he is not for me. If he's ready, it shouldn't take this much work.
This dating scene is omg I didn’t realize how things have changed. I’ve been married most of my life, and now that I’m single and dating this is scarier than I thought 😮
I was married for 11 yrs and it’s different for me too. The important thing is taking time to heal, knowing what you want, presenting your true self to new people, and not wasting time on men who are not on the same page with you. I also started approaching dates as an opportunity to create a new experience with a new friend and not so much putting pressure on myself or them to be the “one” focus on fun dates and not the traditional dinner/movie. Have fun be safe❤
Right!!! I was single for the first time 2 years ago after being in long term relationships for 18 years and I had no idea how to date and the first date I had being newly single the guy ended up being a legit psychopath and unfortunately I was very naive and vunerable and was taken advantage of. I got out of it after 3 months and have been single since for 2 years. I’m still afraid to get involved with anyone. It’s really hard to trust people nowadays.
Going through this at the moment ,to be honest ,I am giving up !! No longer wasting my time and engery anymore!! There is no misunderstanding its just rude !!
As a therapist, using very clear boundaries is usually the go to when it comes to inconsistency. Your feelings matter and are valid bc inconsistency is a behavior of non healthy people.
a guy I was seeing, when I was leaving said the person he ends up with "will be such a peacekeeper that no matter how much hell he raises, she will keep the peace and do whatever it takes to keep them together." This shocked me. I used to think the goal was unconditional love but this is just unhealthy. I should mention he became verbally abusive and was attempted to control and manipulate me in overt, extreme ways. So I appreciate what Stephan says "anytime a person believes that no matter what they do, you will never leave them, you lost." This is setting the stage for serious abuse.
Thank you for sharing your experience! Hopefully, it will help others learn from it. I appreciate that and pray that you heal from all that you have been through 🙏
@@MeetStephanSpeaks it was quite a painful experience as I felt in love with him and he turned out to be quite narcissistic. It did teach me a lot about realizing what I want and need and I need to communicate that clearly. And if they can’t/ don’t want to meet that I am learning that that is okay.
This is my current reality right now. I am thankful for your video. I have been deciding on what my next steps are in my situation. One of the things that I struggle with is having chemistry and connection but no consistency! Dating should not be this difficult
Date your man with detachment. Date this man like you were an investigator mentally. Collect data about a man you’re are dating and set a time frame. If they are being defensive when you bring up something even in a loving and calm manner, make sure your exit door is ready for you to walk away silently. A wise person doesn’t need to explain herselfl/himself.
I just went through this and I had to coach him through the process of going from Netflix and chill to being in a relationship. He was very defensive at first even though I was very calm when speaking with him. He actually came over the next day and apologized about his behavior. The difference between us is he’s not a communicator and I am. I feel that we’re on the right track now. 🤞🏽
@@MeetStephanSpeaks You’re welcome! I’ve watched your videos and it has helped me navigate through the dating process after my divorce. I think your videos are spot on. Keep up the good work or should I say, keep up the God work.❤️
They often need training. Some are willing and some are not. It requires our considerable patience. I’m curious, will you need to repeat the lesson, or will it be consistently better going forward? I’ve been doing this process for a year with an man. Hope it works out for you 😊
Hi Stephen, So I would like to share my situation, for the first 3-4 months there was consistent communication and things were good. It was CLEAR there was a relationship and interest present. Like you said, afterwards it dropped to the minimum and then no communication. This made me feel "in the dark." Now over a year later, I have discovered there were "other women" who were taking on his interest. His previous "wife / long term connection", and some new "girl interest" within his workplace. This was hidden from me until I discovered it.
Men got feelings to ,it's a two way thing To be inconsistent only means someone is lacking interest God first in everything we just cannot go wrong Be honest ladies ,if we cannot change our minds when necessary Then we cannot change anything Great video Fabulous coach Stephan God bless you and yours
Even a man who is not serious is consistent. A man who shows trust consistency as a way of interest will know your schedule, and you will know his. Ex. Each other's break times at work, what time you get off from work, and communication that is daily. sometimes, as the relationship grows, it becomes a safety matter or care for each other. Time us also important regardless of the work
I’m dealing with this very thing right now and think I will walk away. I know my worth and have standards. We are not children. This man is good with being inconsistent… he’s hot and cold. I don’t have time for the games… it’s a waste of time and energy. I’m done. Next…
Inconsistency is not a trait that God presents to us. God wants our relationships to be consistent with great understanding and love in the Miraculous and on time name of Jesus. Always Love Almeta ❤️🙏🏿
Current SITIATION but also it's like this I am 42 YEARS of age NOT 14 if this is the kind of stuff PEOPLE have to deal with in dating I see why it dont work out and or dont go no where I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE SAYING crazy stuff to me as if something isnt right if a man makes the initiave to make plans than its on that person not me and IF A MAN HAVE BEEN THROUGH SITUATIONS where he has been played that's his PROBLEM BECAUSE no woman is obligated to KEEP SHOWING a man shes nothing like what he's use to That pushes a woman AWAY like aight bet good I DON'T even want to meet you now is how I think its CHILDESS and being ignorant ❤
Yes but they keep showing up, guess what I just lock them off without explanation. I'm a high value women I'm definitely not giving that guy my precious time
Stephan, all of what you say is dependent on the man willing to have a conversation. I'm not gonna force a man to have a conversation with me who is not willing to. I can also create distractions for myself.
Going through this now. I've mentally and emotionally checked out. I expressed myself over the 2 month period of my intentions and my hating to waste my time, especially when you're over 50. Went in one ear and right out the other. All I get is what he dislikes, what he doesn't want, why he can't make plans, why he has to wait a while longer to make sure I'm okay...so many things. My takeaway is he doesn't want a woman he wants a placeholder. I'm not her. He even knows he's been inconsiderate and inconsistent. Had the audacity to ask if I'm withdrawn because he ain't got his ish together. Men today are like my teenage sons again. I ain't got time.😢.
Some people call intermittent communication inconsistent… but isn’t there also room for casual dating? I feel like there are a lot of expectations to talk every day and spend a lot of time together right away and I just don’t always feel the need for that. Sometimes there are other work and family obligations. Sometimes people just don’t have such a high need for constant connection. I feel the busy professionals and introverts of the world are getting beat up in the dating scene for not attaching and bonding right away; it’s not that we aren’t interested or a player, It’s just that we have different needs and comfort levels. And people just don’t seem to get it when you tell them you’re looking for friendship more than anything else. Some of us women out there are not looking for super serious relationships or need to take it super slow and feel the pressure from men who don’t want to accept that.
Some people don't want a man to be casual about them, they are children of God who want to find a husband. Not all women ascribe to and want men to walk and into their lives casually. Sorry with disease etc it's not worth it.
Gurl as a fellow introvert I agree with u! I always left my exs bcus I felt suffocated n lost myself = it was not until recently that I realized I could never choose the right partner/maintain a long term relationship bcus I was following the normative standard of dating i.e. texting every day, attached at the hip all the time, lack of alone time. I am getting used to not texting daily as I do like the closeness but I enjoy having time n peace to myself more lol
I feel you 😂 I’m the inconsistent one I hate hanging out and texting everyday. & I’m 30 plus no kids I love my space and men get so mad when I don’t want a relationship like I know I’m relationship material but I love just being friends and casually dating
Starts off strong. Then just starts fizzling out. Somebody else got his attention or his fearful attachment got the best of him. Stay working on yourself. A consistent man will enter when he is supposed to.
Common Steven. In my experience, a man who’s sincere & into a woman, will NOT have to be coaxed or handled carefully. Especially in the beginning. Once in a committed relationship, of course there will always be fine tuning. First video you’ve made I disagree with. No, she should absolutely walk away from inconsistency in the beginning. If you walk, and he really likes you he’ll straighten up, and come for you the right way. And I’m talking about a woman who is in her feminine energy, has reciprocated, with no walls up.
I have 2 conversations, and that is it. I'm gone. No self-inflicted womb. One thing about super clowns, they'll try to circle back around on their circus bike, but I don't entertain.
Great Video! I hope you grant me this opportunity to explain what I am hearing. But it sounds like both parties are not really consulting God. First the lack of communication is happening. and no one is communicating in their truth. Especially in the fear of not getting what both parties really want. 1. Is it really LOVE or infatuation? 2. Is it fear, loneliness {settling} or potential? Because it sounds like their discernment and clear decision making are clouded by sexually intimacy happening in this union. Which maybe transpiring theses unpleasant events and unhealthy triggers? I PRAY they come to a true resolution and work it out in a healthy manner or move forward {apart}. And please excuse.my lack of acknowledgement. Good afternoon and Happy Resurrection to you and your family, ❣🙏🏼
The amount of likes and views that you have gotten over the pass hour of me trying to finish this video is crazy! 😅lol I’m working so I keep hitting pause and when I come back the numbers are going up!
Steph what if it's the man that's holding back and not opening up much. He said he wants to go with the flow. He separated(not divorced) works every day almost every night. Says they don't live together. He's seen my place I haven't seen his. He claims it's because of how over protective his dogs are. 🤔And when I bring up certain pressing conversations he claims we shouldn't be having these conversations this early. 😮
My video on the five signs he's into you but moving slow 👉 ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-Ve6WHHJItXQ.html 👈 and the seven signs he's using you and wasting your time 👉 ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-IttwlOD0wjI.html 👈 will give you the clarity you need.
@angeljackson9507 .... My situation was similar. I'll sum up things by sharing this - save your time. Either walk away or at least entertain other possible suitors simultaneously. If this guy wants to be with you, he will correct his behaviors. It may hurt by walking away if he's the person you really chose to be with. But, it will hurt more by staying. Understand that It is possible to love and care about a person (if it's progressed this far) from a distance. If it's meant to be, then maybe it will - later. .... Just a thought .
I HAVE A FRIEND HER MAN KEEPS LETTING HIS DO DROP IN MAN FRIENDS COME OVER PLAYING DONMINOS LATE ..WHEN HE SHOULD BE OVER AT HER PLACE. I TOLD HER SHE NEEDS TO LET HIM GO BECAUSE HE DOES THAT OFTEN...AND I GAVE HER YOUR UTUBE CHANNEL😂 THANK YOU!
Yes, self centered/NPD type don’t want any responsibility and devalue you in a transactional relationship to get what they want from you as a role in their world to serve them. Told by them, not to take their words personally. I take their actions of not caring, personally. Still follow, when someone tells you who they are, believe them. Non-caring people not that ‘special’ and a waste of my precious time.
Some people have situations that come up. Illness in the family work whatever else that are reality. Is there a timeline or good guide to find a balance of how much time or effort to expect? I feel like communication is excellent and distance is a factor. I know that there's a difference between people who aren't that interested vs actually dedicated to it. Some people go years and for the sake of transitioning I was just wondering when people have big life altering changes how long to give it.
