What I love about Jo Frost is that she doesn't assign a heavy weight on a diagnosis - she doesn't assume a diagnosis - rather she addresses behaviour. By addressing the child's and the parent's behaviours progress is made. Sometimes when a diagnostic label is assigned to a child it can become dominant in the family's life and parenting style. The child and the parent become defined by a diagnosis. I've worked over 15 years with children and parents who end up depending on a diagnosis as an excuse for behaviours. Jo's approach is so wonderful!
I'm dealing with a 5, soon to be 6 year old child now at kinder whom all the other teachers tip-toe around because of a "diagnosis" the child has. The child is defiant, refuses to follow simple instructions, eats while running around, spits and kicks on the one hand; but on the other can concentrate for long periods of time, loves a story and can carry on a normal conversation whenever he wants to. As a new teacher, in the first week the child spat on me and also kicked me but I wouldn't have a bar of it. I took the child outside, knelt down and looked at him square in the face and said, "Don't kick me, you won't kick or spit on me OK?", the child looked surprised, shocked and said "OK". It was as if he was begging for clear and concise guidelines. The school says he has "attachment" issues and so when he does something anti-social to other children, teachers or tries to sabotage a circle by refusing to join and then throw toys, teachers will try and chase him around the room. He looks as if he enjoys the attention. I feel that after 3 years of this already, the child knows that there are no negative consequences for his anti-social behavior. Quite the contrary, he will receive a teachers full attention as they eventually corner him and elicit from him the reasons why he threw the toys or why he threw a ball at another child's face. It is obviously important to listen to children's opinions, feelings and ideas but this particular pattern I feel has been enabled by the teachers possibly because of a lack of perseverance and a culture of unconditional acceptance plus the diagnosis. I haven't heard teachers say, "we don't throw balls at our classmates face OK? Do you understand?" Now, everyone at the school right up to the office staff has a deficit perspective of the child's ability to participate and behave reasonably. This is a fascinating topic. Whether a diagnosis hinders a child's chances of being brought into the fray because we expect less of the child's behavior as a result of the diagnosis. Rather than the teachers being encouraged to try a number of different strategies ie, completely ignore him when he refuses to join the group, the new teacher (me) may end up having to adopt the other teacher's model. I haven't done so yet but I rubbed some teachers the wrong way by dealing with a situation involving the child in question where he did not get what he wanted when he wanted, and so cried. Could the school be enabling a child that may go onto elementary school and continue to be aggressive towards his peers and other grown-ups or; in time, will the attention and patience of the current approach pay off?? We just don't know...
And at the same time a diagnosis could have helped me and my family a lot. It would have made sure that my struggles were recognized and I was raised differently. I guess it can be a positive and a negative to assign labels. But while i’m writing this I do wonder if my parents had had her help things would have been different or better even without a diagnosis. Cause she does really listen to the kids. But then again my parents arent Jo and they didnt know. In that case a diagnosis would have helped. But yea definitely I love how she doesnt put all the focus on it and just listens to the kids and looks at how the parents deal with stuff. Its great!
I am so happy that I had my daughter when i was young enough to keep up with her she is an amazing kid and really never did anything that made me want to rip my hair out. I love you Shianne, my sweet baby girl! lol she's 27, married and a mother of 2! I am so grateful that she was such a kind child.
Skin picking, also know as excoriation or dermatillomania, is a psychiatric disorder known as a Body Focused Repetitive Behavior (BFRB) and is usually an outlet for anxiety that has turns into an obsessive/compulsive behavior. There are several forms of BFRBs and the most common are nail biting (onychophagia), tongue/cheek/lip biting (morsicatio buccarum), skin picking (excoriation/dermatillomania), and hair pulling (trichotillomania). I've been pulling my hair since I was in diapers.
I'm a major skinpicker too. I've never pulled out my hair before, but when I pick my skin, i'll sometimes use a pencil. It can get so severe that I'll bleed profusely... Luckily I'm trying to break the habit 😅
I did the nailbiting untill I was around 25, and I just couldnt leave any wounds & scabbs alone when I was a kid. As long back as I can remember.. It slown down when I moved out from home as soon as I was 18. It slowly got better & now it's not a problem at 29. When I was 7, my school noticed something, via my behaviour in some situations & asked me if I wanted to talk to someone. I said yes, not fully understanding why. I naively told my mom about if after school, & she called & cancelled the therapist right away telling them, I needed no such thing & told me nothing.. when actually, i did need it, really bad.. The day after,I sat in class, waited the whole day to be called in (bcs i was told someone would come get me) & nothing.. As a kid I felt I had done something wrong, and ncs of this I was "ghosted" as punishement.. It took me around 10 years to ask for any type of help from an adult again..
@@ingridakerblom7577 *internet hugs* I'm sorry you had that experience, I can definitely relate to feeling not properly protected(even from myself) and let down or rejected by the people meant to be responsible for my wellbeing, like my mother, teachers and other school staff, even law enforcement...
I did thumbsucking and cheek picking when little. Then graduated to nail biting and cheek biting. Now I just bite my cheek, and pick my skin by squeezing black heads. Interesting....
My cousin walked on her tiptoes and her parents were convinced she was doing it on purpose because she could put her heel down if she thought about it. Turns out she had to have surgery because the tendons were too short in the back of her heels and it was painful to put her heels down which is why she walked on her tiptoes. She suffered for a long time and got in a lot of trouble for something she literally couldn't control 😢
My mom had the policy, if it's not cute at 15, don't let it happen at 5. Having loving parents who understood they are parents and not friends was so helpful. They fully embodied that you can discipline without hitting.
I am 72 now and it was maybe about 10 years ago when I finally stopped sucking my thumb. I tried to stop off and on before that but never succeeded. I would add to the habit by scratching some like a bedsheet, a pillowcase, my blouse, or even a garment tag. I believe what stopped me was my first set of microfiber sheets. It was in December I had a very bad toothache and when my teeth were examined they told me one of my upper teeth had spread the infection to all of them and they had to be pulled. I have to wonder that if my parents had nipped my thumb-sucking in the bud I would have been spared that. I do hope the parents whose daughter's thumb-sucking habit causes her to scratch her face deeply enough to cause permanent scars will be able to help cure her of that self-destructive habit.
Does therapy not exist in the UK? This series shows at least one family that makes me think, “oh, the pediatrician should’ve ordered therapy ages ago.”
Great shows. Absolutely Love Jo. Just an FYI, in this and a couple of previous videos, the music all but drowns out the narrators. This video, at the beginning is the worst so far. You cannot understand everything being said.
They don't seem to care. They keep uploading them in this state regardless of the comments. It happens every upload for different shows, like tiny tearaways. They never reply so who knows why.
The parents of the girl that scars her face have just been babying their children. When mom made the list of things she doesnt do...get dressed, put shoes on and feed herself was on it. A girl that old should've been doing that for years at this point.
I completely agree. It’s like they’ve got the tail wagging the dog. It always surprises me that people don’t know that children need discipline and boundaries.
The girl that has high sensitivity to noises and flashes might just have sensory issues, which those things causes very unpleasant sensations and makes her feels on edge and irritated.
I was a big time nail biter when I was a child. I didn't really quit until I was in the middle school grades and became more aware of my appearance. I can't imagine the billions of germs I ingested as a kid. Now it is horrifying to think of it. Jo's idea of a soft pink makeup brush was genius. Would a soft blankie have helped to prevent the little girl from scarring her face -- putting the blanket between her fingers and her face? It might have worked but then you have a kid who has a lovie on into middle school....
I like the use of a sponge and brush to overcome it. It might work even better if the child chose the sponge and color of brush - where they have more of a part in the strategy of overcoming their excoriation problem.
It always amazes me what some parents let their kids get away (throwing things, biting,hitting, spitting, talking back, etc)with and when they don't expect them to do even the most basic life skills or chores. It also amazes me that they just get their kids more toys when they destroy them. Also don't spend time with them or play with them. My family didn't have much money when I was growing up and if one of us purposely broke a toy, well we just didn't have that toy anymore and we didn't get a new one.
"She only eats a variation of potatoes" 😆😆 if i had a chance to speak to Jo i wouldnt be asking such simple questions..holy lord. If ur kid is a fussy eater DONT GIVE IN at meal time, nothing to eat after wards if they dont finish and no extra snacks during the day. Simple as that. Stop worrying about upsetting ur kid..they'll b ok! 😆
People need to stop babying their children and teach them how to act! My older children did chores and helped me! The younger ones had easier chores as well! They fought but it was soon taken care of by me! We did a lot of things together as well!
@@theiswithin3649 I didn’t hear her judging anyone. She just shared her opinion of parents that baby their children and don’t insist that their children help around the house by doing chores. Since when is sharing your opinion being judgmental? And besides we judge people all the time. You just don’t do it out loud. I’m sure you’ve said something about someone else behind their backs at some point in your life. And even if you didn’t say it out loud, you thought it. As long as you judge rightly and fairly, it’s not a bad thing. An example would be, if you know someone who uses drugs, and you say to someone else, that person is a drug user and they are ruining their life. Was your judgement wrong? No of course not. It would only be wrong if you yourself were also using drugs when you judged the other person. If you do that then you’ve judged unrighteously and unfairly. But this commenter wasn’t even being judgmental she just shared her opinion and then shared what she did as a parent. The home belongs to the children too, why shouldn’t they participate in keeping it clean and tidy? How will they ever learn to keep a house clean and tidy if they aren’t taught at home? Would you rather they never learn, so when they have a home of their own, that they live in a pigsty? And whatever happened to freedom of speech? 🙄
Not sure about other countries or if they even still have it but when I was a kid we had the presidential excercise test that you had to pass. It was push ups, and climbing the rope, etc. I don't think they require it anymore because our kids couldn't pass it anymore.
My husband's a PE teacher and while it's been suspended due to COVID, pre-COVID the Presidential fitness test was in full swing. They've modified some of the exercises like the rope climb is gone but added others. It also has stricter requirements for girls than it used to based on actual kinesiology vs misogynistic ideas about what women can do.
@@river8760 autism isn’t an extra accessory. It’s who the child is. And it isn’t a bad thing. Let’s stop detaching it from the children. I’m an autistic person. Yes toe walking is an autistic characteristic but it can also be from stretched tendons in the calves or yes, tethered cord
@@hannahscott6604 that wasn’t my intention at all, I’m sorry you felt that way, but I have worked with lots of autistic kids and have friends who are autistic and have Asperger’s. I’m not pigeonholing here, it’s just something I have seen and heard associated with autistic people.I used person first language yes, and here I did not. It certainly wasn’t because I think autism is an “accessory.”
Toe walking also happens with milder cases of Cerebral Palsy. My son had to have surgery on his heel cords, Achilles tendons, and hamstrings so he could walk normally.
The toe walking is possibly due to an issue with his calves. Have they looked at this with their pediatrician? And also they can look into the exercises online and from their pediatrician or an occupational therapist that demonstrate how to stop the toe walking
I’ve also heard it’s connected to autism. My grand daughter is autistic and she walked on her tippy toes until she was 6 years old. She didn’t do it all the time. She mostly did it when she was barefoot. Her pediatrician told us that she’d grow out of it and she did. Her mommy got her a pair of tennis shoes that light up when you walk in them. But the only way they would light up was if you stepped with the whole foot and not just the toes. Cheyenne loved to watch them light up so she stopped walking on her tippy toes so she could watch them light up. We don’t know if that’s why she stopped or if she did just grow out of it.
While toe walking can be linked to things like cerebral palsy, peripheral neuropathy, spinal dysraphism or autism, the child still needs to learn to walk flat-footed. It would have been very educational for people watching to learn that the child may have other issues, and that it is not a defiant act or anything. It's spontaneous, and the child needs to be patiently taught how to transition to foot walking.
@@GrandmothersGarden my cousin did it because the tendons in the back of her heels were too short and she required surgery. So no amount of encouraging her to walk flat-footed would have mattered and she suffered a lot because her parents thought she was doing it on purpose.
@@babesmagee1 That's what I said - it is not a defiant act, but can be linked to several other issues, such as cerebral palsy, etc. 'Spontaneous' means happening every once in a while - someone who walks flat-footed, but then pops up onto their toes spontaneously. I think they missed an opportunity to educate parents that this might be a sign of other issues, perhaps needed surgery, as with your cousin or perhaps a more serious issue.
My sons scared of plane and jets and balloons so when the plane fly across our house I immediately says ( ohh they are going to see their family let say bye to them ) so it help. The youngest son also scared of the balloons so I let him hold and inflate the balloons himself, now he is not scared anymore. I think we have to act fast when something happens before it get worse. Please don’t give up and good luck.
Possibly the girls with face picking and finger sucking have a genetic anomaly. I have Trisomy 15 (I’m now 60 years old) and still have to consciously keep my hands busy (toothbrush works best for me.) Dermatilomania and trichotilomania (pulling) are traits of Trisomy 15.
It seemed to me as a mild form of autism. She had speech delay, she seemed withdrawn, and what she was doing sucking her thumb and walking around in a circle appears to be stimming.
I sucked the same 2 fingers as Ella till I was 10 years old, I came out of the womb like that. My mom called it hook em horns and she tried EVERYTHING (Even sending me to spend the weekend with my old school Mexican grandfather), nothing worked. Finally had to have an orthodontist put spikes onto the roof of my mouth (like a retainer except it couldn't be removed) for 3 months. It was horrible but it broke the habit and I can't believe I ever put my fingers in my mouth.
@@kglw9575 because they can cause damage to the alignment of the teeth, delayed muscle development around the mouth and tongue which can lead to eating and speech problems.
The father didnt do anythng because he is ill!! I have multiple chronic diseses and i do a lot of things with my kids ( even when i am in a lot of pain or so tired)
I was afraid of rubber balloons as a child too. I was also afraid of guns because of the sudden loud noise. I remember being like 4 years old and my grandpa just pulled out a handgun to show off while we were visiting, and I was terrified of the noise it would make if it went off. Yeah I don’t think I was meant to be an American
i dont think the child has dermatillomania, (which i do, was once my fingers, now back of my head under my hair. lets not diagnose a child with a complex phycological disorder! :)
Yes. I would always start with behavior modification before a medical diagnosis. If the behavioral modification doesn't work then look for other reasons.
PEOPLE please stop whining about the suond, it can't be helped bcs YT takes this & similar programs down if it's like the original.. USE the SUBTITLES.. jeeez. It's free what do you expect?
Are you saying that the original program doesn't belong to them and poor sound mixing is used to steal content without RU-vid removing it? How is that better
I wonder if that would create a negative response and make it like a punishment as so many females relate their hair as part of them and their personality.
That kids face will probably heal. Kids are rubbery. On the down side she’s probably halfway on her way to already being a junky. Addiction tendencies, anxiety addressed through external stimuli. I swear kids that suck their thumb for a long time or bite their nails or pull their hair or whatever... Alot of them... Like a lot of them become drug addicts. It’s ingrained.
At fifteen, I don't think she'll care since acne will probably cover all of that up and look far uglier than the little scars she has. I'd be more worried about infection.
Weird this would b the first Indian family I've seen where the children r out of control every Indian with families I know discipline their children from birth
4:25 just try to convince me, that the dad isn't regreting NOT insisting on using a condom 140%... THIS dear people is more effective than ANY abstinence BS or scare tactic EVER (that some schools & parents are foolish enough to think will help in aaany way..)
