When Should I Let My Husband Come Back Home? 

Yeah. I have friends who tell me that their girls gets them to that point. I just say then why don't YOU leave. And then all the excuses come out.

@@lav7161 If its true then my question to them is why are you in a relationship with a woman who drives you to the point of violence. But the reality is how we treat people isn’t about them it’s about us. Hitters hit, avoiders avoid, peace makers make peace. We all encounter people who make us really mad but not everyone reacts by smashing things.

Men like that should stay alone.

@@Cheekybanana He is married, in debt, and leaving would bring more ruin, with the threat of contempt of civil court laid down by a judge that is also an ideologue. The "full monk" crowd warns the young of engaging with such usury by having no relations or cohabitation of any kind. It is time to enjoy the decline brothers.

I agree with you, the man should leave before getting to that point. He needs to be able to control himself but to say no reason is bs. Bill burr put it best. Should you do it? No, never in a million years. But is the reason their? Can be.

That is a frighteningly accurate assessement

Damn... This

Update: he did.

@@V31lCl0udDuh the guys literally abusive. You’re not a genius! Dr. John is a good trained counselor! Anybody with a brain and a heart would ask that question to someone who has a husband with anger issues because the data says she and the kids are next.

I bet he also makes an empty apology in the beginning. Tells her that his actions are a language. Talks about eating nachos. Talks about her bodies response and then gives the fakest laugh you have ever heard.

Leave now!

Boyfriend? Not husband? I'd be gone yesterday.

Rage outbursts are your bfs failing, not what you said/ say. The male needs to say, I'm so angry I can't speak right now, and you give him space. Him raging is lack of control. So if he smacks you when angry, is that OK too? Verbal smacks aren't acceptable either.

Leave. It's only going to get worse.

GET OUTTTT!!!!!

😂 i get it

Which guy?

​@@PS-qn4oz not hard to guess

He’s actually not by choice. He is trained though and has a PhD in counseling and has done his practicum as well as sat with real clients and was an LPC (licensed professional counselor) in the state of TX but he chose not to get licensed in the state of TN due to their stupid regulations. He has more power to speak his mind, and he’s not beholden to their system!

No. People learn to be normal and level-headed all the time without any religion.

100% agree!! I see God move in peoples lives all the time.

No, she just asks herself all the time if she even can do more - even be more selfless. It's the people that never question themselves that are the 'bad' spouses

@@wf4983 sometimes you get to the point where you just can’t do anymore. If you choose to be selfless for everyone, that’s on you. Now that he’s leaving, she can focus on her.

Dumb question anyway what constitutes a "good wife"

@@ykook7000exactly, isn’t that subjective. I guess he’s trying to pacify her

Not necessarily because someone with low self-esteem doesn’t see their self good at anything. This could be why she hesitated. Her self-worth has gone through the floor being with a man like that.

This entire call went right over your head huh

"Provoke the anger ". The amount of undercover abusers in this world is astonishing.

By Definition, post-TRAUMATIC stress disorder is any form of trauma. It’s hard to see if you’ve been lucky enough to grow up in a healthy stable home. To be traumatized enough to be diagnosed with PTSD usually requires more than a parent just “not being nice”. It takes abuse in the truest form…and then it’s actually called COMPLEX PTSD.

Its day one on the separation after ten years and she is not ready to hear that outright because she empathizes with him and blames herself. I really enjoyed how he asked if she had female friends to talk to because she's been through a lot.

I always say this. We all have a reason to live as a victim based on something someone did to us.... But it's a choice. But the mature thing to do is choose to get the healing you need... We don't need anyone's permission to do so either. All victims who don't get the healing they need will inevitably victimize others. They make excuses for their bad behavior. Never acknowledging how they made you feel.

It his responsibility to get help

Yes, the demon will make you pay for it. I know from experience.

Wonderfully said. It is not anyone’s job/responsibility to “make someone happy.” That is the individual’s responsibility to live a fulfilling life. Happiness is not guaranteed and life is hard. Personal accountability and happiness with oneself makes for good relationships.

@@LoneStarLady- Indeed

She said he is.

Mine went for professional help for this same reason and came to the conclusion that the marriage wasn't worth saving...I'm still being gaslighted and keep getting told that I'm the reason why he does the things he does when he's angry and that his behavior isn't that bad. I doubt he thinks this is abuse even though it absolutely is.

Even if he will, it may be too little too late. Professional help doesn't always fix the problem enough, and in any case both she and the children need to be fully safe in the meantime.

Me too lol

Lol, calm down

Dave Ramsey's show is about financial advice...

😂 the ultimate duo

Send him packing.

Send him packing.

Easy for you to say

@smustipher honest question; how does it help? So when you’re cleaning it up after or ordering a new one, do you ever regret it? Have you considered regretting it earlier? I genuinely don’t understand and I’m interested.

@@BottlegardenUK I doesn't work. It's embarrassing and a waste of energy. I have PTSD and sometimes dissociate/don't realize that I am upset until I find myself in a space where I am ready to (not literally) set a fire or jump off a building. And it's never when I am interacting with someone, or in an argument. In fact, I have NEVER argued with or raised my voice at anyone in 45 year of life. I don't fight other people, I fight myself. I have never done this in front of anyone. The first incident was about 5 years ago, after a visit with family - I went to see a sibling graduate from HS and they and my father pretended to not know that I wanted to spend the day with them. I saw the ceremony and then spent the afternoon alone because no one would pick up the phone. When another sibling (who was in another town that day) reached out to them to find out what was happened, they wrote it off as "a misunderstanding". I realized on getting back home from that trip that he has been poking and prodding at me since I became an adolescent and began to move towards independence - sometimes, in the middle of conversations, he would ask me "are you mad at me?" I was always confused by this, because I didn't know that I was angry, nor that I had any reason to be, because I still believed he was a "good parent": even though he beat my mother bloody in front of me growing up, used my SSN to pay bills and unfortunately made my life unnecessarily difficult. I thought that because he was the man of the house, he could do whatever he wanted to us and it was "ok". I didn't know any better - we moved around often, I had no freinds growing up (he told me to not bother trying, because I had him) and I didn't know how messed up our family was or how poorly we were being treated by him. After that trip I came back home and "out of the blue" flew into a fit of rage: I broke a kitchen table in two with a hammer. I ran outside in my socks screaming at the top of my lungs and threw my phone on the ground. The "tough guys " on my block looked AFRAID of me. I snapped out of it. It took me until my 40's to realize that a lifetime of being abused by my family was causing me to feel enraged. I am a soft spoken person with a small build who has never argued with anyone, raised my voice, etc, in part because I don't care too and I have martial arts training and don't want to harm anyone. I have been in therapy and don't have these moments very often but wanted to acknowledge that it is difficult to manage outbursts, especially if you have a history of being abused and so gaslit that you didn't even know that you are being treated like garbage.

I was just kidding btw, chill guys

No you’re right

then he needs to leave. there's no excuse for smashing things and screaming. it doesn't matter if she's annoying or crazy, it doesn't make it okay at all to do that around your wife and kids especially. if the roles were reversed, he'd say the same thing about the woman

@@hllymchll I do agree that he should leave. I`m positive he's miserable in that marriage. I guess now it has gotten to the point where he actually goes his way

Yeah he’ll leave and take that same behavior to someone else.

@@rebeccaoprea9917that’s not for her to worry about. Worry about yourself and wellbeing

@@jermainebennett7473 totally. and she could 100% potentially be insufferable and manipulative and abusive in her own ways. no one is discounting that, but it still doesn't mean he should act the way he does. assuming everything she said is true, then he's acting super childish and just needs to go. I'm sure his kids probably wouldn't wanna be with him alone anyway if he was that scary around them

It's not a competition if she feels unsafe then it's obviously not good why wait until he actually does something physical

You wouldn't and shouldn't tolerate such behavior from literally anyone else in your life but somehow people are supposed to let their spouses treat them like that? And on top of that, not all abuse is physical. You sound ignorant.

Are you running the abuse Olympics? What is this?

The legal definition of assault includes the intent to cause harm or fear as well as the fear of imminent harm and the US Justice Department describes DV as a “pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to maintain her power and control over another intimate part. Domestic credits can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, psychological or technical actions or threats of actions…” You might need to check that out, especially since research with battered women in shelters state that they could tolerate the physical abuse better than the emotional abuse(Psychology Today, Stosny, 2021). Explosive anger and verbal abuse are also risk factors to physical abuse.

@@peanutnickels9448 Actually I would. I would also say hey you need help. But he is not breaking any law. What we are actually seeing here is a power play by the wife. She is claiming head of house, which is rebellion against God.

Eaxctly. He is such an azz kisser of women. I`m sure she's no saint. But she pulls out the tears, and here goes the man blaming. I bet that man will be free once he leaves. I just hope he stays in his kids' lives

>not heard his side of the story, and does not know the context Many such cases.

He should have at least asked for some examples of what made him angry. I bet it's one of the marriages where she's allowed to have emotions but he's not.

The man rages, and this also will impact his children. Forget the submitting husband thing, its a bunch of crap. Couple should work together to make things work, equally. It's not the husband's home HE owns, they both own it, and she may work to and share the cost.

@@snowwhite2709 In some sense I agree with you, but headship doctine means the man is the head of the house, the woman follows (submits). Also, women date for gain - it's not equal for the husband. Husbands give way more resources than women provide in value.

@@swagraptor5477 never. I grew up in a mysoginistic, doomsday cult, who taught men run the household. Never will I ever support a man running a household and women being submissive, docile, controlled and unheard. Men and women both have skills and strengths and sometimes different strengths depending on their gender, and they should discuss things together, cooperate and work together to come to decisions. Disagree that what a man provides has more value. I don't think being a certain gender automatically gives you better value, it's the strength, knowledge,determination, skills, of a particular person, that gives a person value, not just money, and women are also able to work outside the home and help support their family.

Aramaic translation of Bible tells women to honor their husbands, not to submit. Men are the spiritual leaders of their homes, not the controllers. Decision making is for both.