When Should You Move in with a Widower? 

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I moved into my partner's (widower) marital home of 20 years. Even though he has gotten rid of almost all of her personal effects, and despite me intentionally praying and making it my spiritual practice to accept his space as our space, I just couldn't do it. I lasted about 6 months. Last week we purchased a new home and we are both very happy now. True love takes loving-kindness, empathy and equanimity. We were not on equal ground because I was living in his home and his city surrounded by his friends and neighbors (all of which were nice). Kudos to you for tackling this tricky subject!

This woman moves in when she's his wife...period!

As a widower myself, I can't disagree with what you're saying. But the light you put on widowers in general is a very bad light. And when it comes right down to it, widower or not, an individual's maturity level factors in.! I understand the emptiness, the fear, the loneliness but I am intentionally avoiding relationship issues by not having one right now. 26 years with my wife and in that time I learned what give and take is. I learned what it is to truly love someone and to be loved in return. That experience has tremendous value for a widower's future. We are worth having !!!

Don't move in too fast unless you are talking about wedding and life together! And still be ready after you move in you can find some pic or LW stuff in the house. Don't get hurt! It's a process. Relationships with a W are definitely not for everyone ladies.. but if you see he is making a progress, give him a chance! He loves you, he doesn't mean to hurt you intentionally, he's been traumatized 🙏🙏🙏

Thanks for the great video, Abel! We have been together 2 years and 4 months. Moved in together last year. Engaged. I see a huge progress. We are very happy! I never feel second best. I cook, clean, because I love it. I feel loved and appreciated! He introduced me to his family after 6 months dating. So I believe we were taking our time, but also I don't feel like I am waiting for years, you need time to get to know the person

There is a big difference in dynamics on where the widower & girlfriend live. Are they getting a new place together or is she moving into his house? I would never move into a widowers house or a divorced man's house. I just wouldn't. Start off fresh with a new location. If the widower is willing to do that, then I think that says a lot......Now, if the widower has young children, well, things are more complicated. Its a matter of moving into HIS house, with HIS children, His rules......I just see a million red flags with this situation....not that it can't work but I wouldn't get myself in that situation to begin with.

Your right don’t move in until your sure just date thanks for your great advice

Abel you are wonderful I appreciate the honesty. I'm taking this advise. Thank you so much, love your help.

His kids are all grown and he said to me once, “well if anything happens to me I’ll make sure they don’t kick ya out.” So…there’s my answer why I most likely won’t stay or won’t marry him til he forms a life that is OURS!!!

Totally agree, women need to be very careful. The Widower I knew had his house set up just for him. really uncomfortable furniture, however o.k for him. He didn't seem to think there was anything wrong , also said he wanted a companion situation. house in very isolated area. I got out quickly and just knew that it wasn't for me.

I rather wait until the widower marries me. Pray to God and Jesus Christ for hope and love.

I sure wish I had heard this a year ago. :-(

Women has always given up good jobs to be in a relationship with a man. Married women have done that for eons - worked around what a husband wants, children, sick parents. It's expected. But moving in with a man at any stage without marriage is flat out stupid. A man moving in with a widow without marriage is just as dumb.

My guy has made many changes. Took most wife’s photos down and has agreed to completely remodel his home which is part Farm …problem is I don’t want to do it. After a 40 year marriage the guy needs closure and his entire family does!!! He completely redid the downstairs (and mostly for me)…I appreciate that but he wants me to do yard, flower planting , decorating. But I’m not on the deed and why would I invest my money, time and effort on a home I don’t and may never “own.”

This was very helpful

So true! I wish I saw this video before dating one! 6 year relationship and now I’m not sure this going to work out I moved in sold my Condo because we were going to downsize. It hasn’t happened yet! Now I find myself in a Nursing Home after heart transplant and stoke to my left side. Recovery is going well ready to go home soon but he is overwhelmed with being my caregiver and it’s my children responsibility . Big mistake! He doesn’t really want me back there and I have nothing left! I’m sick over this. Had to spend down all my money to have medical coverage. Doesn’t want to get married. I’m screwed!!! 😢I am disabled now slowly getting better. So upset!!!

My widower has adult kiddos with a 20 something away at college. He absolutely spoils her. Dinners out, he leaves the house so she can have parties, shopping , charges on his card , etc. I tolerate a lot of the late wife’s memorials around the house because she returns to the house once a month or so. She officially moves out this summer so I didn’t want to change too much til she’s fully gone. Hes put away some things …but I don’t feel comfortable yet. I don’t think it’s gonna work long term. I think he’s got way too many things going on. I think we get along great but lifestyle doesn’t mesh

Christian ethics are important for me..Persons should share same sentiments. Councilling may help ,puts the past behind in time and move on.

I, feel so lonely and want to be happy

He wants to get married this fall and rethink selling his house in 2 years and I’m not ok with this. He’s had some slip ups in honesty with me..lies I have caught him in. Little Fibs and I don’t trust him completely

Single and divorced men have the same mentality. SMH. Thank you Abel.

I don’t see the advantage of a woman in moving in with a man prior to marriage. Why buy the cow 🐮 when you can get the milk 🥛 for free?

Exactly, i feel like the live in housekeeper that is part therapist, part help him get his poop in a group. And i despise when he says to me lovingly, " i love this time with you"? I say back, " anyone would love me and time with me for who i am". I moved in from afar on Halloween 2022, its been so hard. Im alone. I work away and live in work camps, live out of a bag (for work) i moved in and my stuff is on boxes and bags still. He says all in good time. I refuse too live out of a bag when i had a home. Im thankful i am not stuck and make good money and self sufficient. Everything he has said or agreed to pryor to me moving in, he hasnt followed through. Im also exhausted xleaningnhis late wifes places, the shower she only used, ect. I find some of his late wifes family know im here, but write a christmas card with memories of his late wife which is hidden from me(sitting in the room) and a trigger for them. When i say anything, he puts on me im the bad on and i cant be more patient and understanding, its not about us and new family dynamics, its all about him and helping him. I absolutely love your videos! Its helped me so much, its also sad on my part hearing the truth, but i get why i feel like this. Thank you!

When should you let a widower even come to your home? I've go to my widower's house all the time even though his home has pictures all over the house and doesn't look like much has changed since she passed 3 years ago. we've only been dating barely 3 months and I amhesitant to let him into my safe place.

help! my guy is widowed 5 years now ... has gone 5 yrs without sex and is very reluctant to be physical with me. and he has her name tattooed on his arm...... all this despite his claim that he is ready to move on and try ! wants to go very very slow .. 3 mos dating and we have not held hands and or kissed..

Never

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Abel, we are planning on him moving into my (sort of small) ranch house that I own in a year. Should he bring his late wife’s ashes jar into MY house?

What if he wants to move in with me?he sold their house and he lives with his son and wife and grandson

I, feel so lonely and want to be happy