I think I’m in that stage in my marriage (almost 5 years married, 7 years together) where it’s easy to take your spouse for granted *because* you love them so much and feel so secure with your union. What would normally feel like small annoyances now seem like huge mountains. I could never see us separating but when you get too comfortable, the quality of your behaviour towards your spouse slips, and this is where the serious problems that can end a relationship brew. Postpartum was really rough for me and it was during that period that I truly realized that my husband’s love for me is NOT unconditional. He won’t just accept any behaviour because “he knows I love him.” I had a huge wake up call that my reaction to those “small annoyances” were unacceptable and love is not enough to ignore disrespect. Thankfully we got through that storm, but that definitely changed my perspective on love, relationships and marriage. Everything in this world is conditional. We shouldn’t take people for granted.
Thank you for this comment! What a powerful statement! Conditions and boundaries on love are important. It’s hard to see the truth in that statement but you and your husband are 💯
10000% yes! We went through this too in the last year and have come out of it stronger than ever, but it is a daily choice and effort to love one another and respect eachother. It's so easy to take it for granted and say things that hurt bc your tired and cutting corners. But no, like any relationship, especially such a close and sacred one as a spouse, you get what you give and it takes A LOT of daily self awareness, good communication mixed with healthy boundaries to get through the highs and lows and mundane stresses of life. It's not a magic switch, it's devotion!!!
It brings tears to my eyes because it is absolutely true and I couldn’t have said it better and I have been married for almost 24 years if there isn’t change a can leave you feeling so unappreciated and this is what I’m feeling after Mother’s Day and my oldest son cried because he understood and told my Husband that what has been done is just not enough. Getting too comfortable because your partner is always there doesn’t just mean that love is enough ❤. Everything is conditional
When my husband and I married in 1995. We chose a poem by Kahil Gabran to be read at our wedding . It stated "Let there be spaces in your togetherness." That has always stuck with us and is quite honestly, the basis of our relationship after 27 years. We are not just a couple, but are two separate INDIVIDUALS who decided to spend the rest of our lives together. For us, it is a necessity that we have outside interests and experiences apart from our relationship. We feel that those solo experiences only enhances our time together by sharing stories, energy, insights and growth. I love you two immensely and appreciate the honest and raw communications that you share with us.
I'm studying relationship dynamics and I can tell you this : There are 7 main stages couples can move through in the life of a long-term partnership. 1- Courtship 2- Infatuation 3- Challenge (I believe that's where you're at so congratulation !! indeed this shall pass) 4- Collaboration (Mature Love) 5- Establishing Security 6- Expansion 7- Ending (it could be separation or death) Also, challenges are opportunities for growth and getting closer ! But I think you know that ❤
I also think so many ppl are so used to couple channels showing all the amazing moments which is why they are labelled as goals. But then when they separate, so many ppl are confused but there was no indication that the relationship had issues.
Allow me to say, Maya, take your time, just remember that Max clearly loves you and he's a safe space for you to transition into being "softer". I remember you talking to us about your first marriage, on your solo channel, and how you found yourself fighting by yourself for your relationship ... Now God has given you a wonderful man who is truly in it with you and anyone with eyes can see that and it's evident that you both deeply love each other and are committed to each other. Sending you both absolute love and support ❤️
Thank you for encouraging them with these words. I too could see that they are in this for the long haul, with God’s grace covering them. I can’t believe anyone would say otherwise and was waiting to finish the video before sharing my observation. They are so dedicated to growing and learning together and individually, and that is the basis of a good, healthy marriage.
"Love is so much more than a feeling"...100% agree because Feelings can be fleeting. I define love as a choice. It's actively choosing the best for both you and your partner on a continual basis in the big and small things.
Hi! 41 year old mother of three here. The challenges I see you guys being transparent about may look like crumbling to those who haven’t been in a long relationship. But for me, it looks like regular relationship work among two people very committed to figuring it out. Any long relationship goes through periods of challenge. You can be in love and it’s still not all sunshine and rainbows. Thank you guys for being transparent and staying committed to the process that is relationship.❤
Agreed! Even though comments like yours are so mature and clearly come from wisdom and experience we also recognize the comments from those that are projecting where they themselves fall short on their experiences and understanding. Thank you for sharing here. We truly appreciate it 🙏🏻🙏🏾
I never saw my parents argue or mad at each other in front of me. I’m a conflict avoidant person who is dating someone who saw parent argue a lot in front of him.. our outcome is the same- we hate conflicts, our solution has been asking each other if it’s the best time to talk about the circumstance or wait until we are both ready. We sit and discuss like a meeting. It works for us because we eliminate nerves of possible fights which we are both sensitive to.
I’m in a relationship very similar to yours-older woman, younger man that met and had a romantic whirlwind dating experience. I knew my husband was my person but after we had our first child our first year as parents was so traumatic. The sleep deprivation, the newness of being parents and learning how to parent together was all so much. Ultimately, it was just growing pains, we learned through that period how to be in love while parenting and that we didn’t need to inseparable and enmeshed to experience each other’s love. Also, I really felt Mya when she said she needs her independence. I also need that but was ashamed because I felt like it was selfish of me to want time away from my family. Funnily enough once my family gave the space, I didn’t crave it as much. Love and life is a journey. It’s such a blessing to get to experience it all. Much love to you both.
I don’t think he needed comforting. I think he needed a moment and as mature woman she knew enough to give him that moment! I actually think that folks are harder on her than on her husband because subconsciously (maybe) also, there are internalized prejudgment sure, based on the age gap and maybe other things. You are still individuals and not joined at the hip! Keep your singular personas and treasure it as much as you treasure your combined lives!
They're harder on her because everybody has their idea of what a wife should be. But there's no such thing as the perfect wife or a woman has to support her man in every moment, there's only what works within the relationship. That's it. It might look different, but if it works, it works. If the previous video was posted in the sigma male grindset section of YT, people would be clowning on Max for being too soft and not being manly enough 🤷♀️. Can't please everybody.
Also, he’s from a different country them most of us that have followed maya from forever. So many of the expectations from people in here in the states for a marriage is and how people should “act” in a marriage is screwed! We wear many hats. They are mom, dad, husband, and wife. But they are also still maya and max.
I am very similar to Mya when it comes to being awkward in vulnerable situations/not wanting to be comforted when I’m crying etc. Reminds me of a situation where I was really sad about something and my cousin hugged me and I felt so awkward lol. For me, I think it’s due to having to emotionally take care of myself for most of my life. I was raised by a single mother and two older brothers so I was by myself a lot. I think I learned at a young age that it’s my responsibility to deal with my emotions because someone isn’t always going to be there to comfort me. I had to figure that out on my own. As a result, whenever I am emotional or hurt, **I** already know what I need to do to solve the issue. Hugging or comforting me, in my head, doesn’t add anything to the situation nor does it make me feel better. And when others feel sad, I look at the situation through that same lens - that hugging them or physically comforting them would be unhelpful, which is why I would feel awkward if I did that. I think maybe we have been so independent and self-reliant for so long, “help” from others in *unfamiliar* ways naturally makes us feel uncomfortable because we just aren’t used to that. But I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Or maybe there is. I don’t know, but I’m okay with being this way.
I feel this 100 percent! What I do now is ask the person if they want a hug and/or to be left alone because that’s how I usually feel when I’m done or upset. I’m working on being softer with myself so I can receive and accept hugs and love from those around me
There's a really great book (easy read) called The 5 Love Languages. Maybe yours is 'Acts of Service' like me. (This is probably Maya's love language as well.) Hugs and stuff are fine but I feel REALLY loved when people can help me with things that need to get DONE. Emotions ain't one of them! lol On the other hand, there are four other love languages and some people really do value having someone sit with them or hug them in difficult moments. Without that, they feel really uncared for. The more we get to know ourselves and our partners, the easier our time together will be. Ultimately though, with a foundation of respect and love for one another, little by little you'll be able to grow together in your marriage partnership.
Don't ever feel guilty for taking time for yourself. My mom is a housewife and spent her life raising 3 children with my dad to which I'm grateful for, but growing up she was so resentful. She'd constantly remind us of all the sacrifices she'd made for us and how we ruined her body lol. Take time for yourself Maya. Saga will thank you in the long run. And yes I'm seeing a therapist.
It seems like the theme here is: Love Grows. Seeing it grow, the process of it all is beautiful to witness. Gives me some hope! Thanks for sharing so thoughtfully and honestly. Saga has amazing parents! ❤ Also, Happy Mother’s Day Maya and to all the mothers in this community!
I understand Maya’s point of not knowing who to comfort ppl in the moment cuz not everyone does well with emotions. This can sometimes be as a result of how our parents were towards us. If you have a parent who didn’t give more comfort in the moment, you kinda grow that way but as Maya said, she’s working on it ❤️
I wanted to just say that being a doula/midwife requires a lot of caring for others, and being warm, and empathize with others. So if Maya is trying to work on that coldness that she has inside, she will be a great doula ❤
Lack of sleep is a real thing. The strength you both have to communicate and love each other through that stress is powerful. We grow when we are challenged. The most important thing is having the tools to make it through and awareness that this too shall pass.
Speaking on my love journey, I have to say that my husband was my friend before we got married. He still is my best friend. When I met him, I knew he was a compassionate person and I liked the way he treated people. He was with someone else at the time but we were friends. We didn’t see each other for several years and we came into contact with each other again. When we saw each other again, he was single and we got together. We ended up getting together and getting married 10 months after we started going together. We are now coming up on our 40th anniversary. We’ve had our ups and downs but we remain together. I would never trade the time we’ve had for anything.
I found this conversation so interesting. My personality is waaaaaaaaaaay more Maya than Max, so I could relate fully to her reactions in the first video. I'm not good with vulnerability in a public space, so I'm sure I'd appear cold to people who don't know me too. That scene when Max cried, she responded in the exact way I would have. Lol. I also appreciate watching the journey of this relationship, because I think too often people only show the highs and it sets such an unrealistic expectation of what marriage (or long-term partnership) is. Marriage is HARD, and ever-evolving. And children add a whole new dynamic that you have to learn as a couple. Rooting for you two! I think you're having all the right conversations in this season.
I think people just have different love languages & physical touch just isn’t it for some people. It doesn’t make sense to expect everyone to respond to situations in the exact same way. It’s important to communicate between partners how they want to express love & how the need to receive love (and that can change over time so that conversation should happen more than just once). I don’t think y’all are falling apart, y’all are evolving & learning & growing & I think that’s hella powerful & inspiring. Thanks for sharing 💗
I had to pause 10:00 minutes in to say - thank you so much for being transparent and sharing this difficult time in your life with us. I believe the most challenging times in our lives can be the best teaching moments if we allow them. I am applying a lot of what you say in my own life and just knowing that we are all learning from one another and are going through the same things and able to offer support all around...is so amazing. This is when the internet comes through as a wonderful place :)
Marriage and parenthood takes good communication, understanding of the others involved, patience, compromise & forgiveness along with love. That is what I have learned over the past 16 plus years of marriage and motherhood. Side note: Maya I love your hairstyle in this video!
Ppl often run to the comments first so,… QUICK breakdown. RAW, REAL, MUST WATCH!! Thank you Maya & Max for this glimpse into what many of us face in our relationships ❤
I agree wholeheartedly that love changes and look different. My husband and I are both very emotionally mature but he’s more physically affectionate and I am not. I sometimes feel bad because I consciously observe it but it’s not my first instinct. My husband understand that about me and we both can love each other in our own ways. I’m definitely an acts of service person and will feed him to show my love. You and max are definitely a good match with making up for what the other may not have.
34 yrs of marriage and there has been a lot of learning thru mistakes. Know we are all different and agreeing to disagree is the key to unlock communication and understanding. Stay truthful to who you are and let God be in control. Remember that opposites attract and love w/understanding is the glue to a great marriage. It's a blessing to have someone to navigate life with and help you learn knew things. It's not easy and there is a lot of give and take. Always take that moment to have a deep breath and remember why you fell in love. You are now one choosing to walk the same path but you will not always view it the same. Love is key.
It feels like a result of "too much too soon." Your lives have been nonstop and intense since you met! That's not always a great thing without the proper foundations to be laid. The struggle to be apart, the marriage, the visa fiasco, moving to a whole other continent not knowing the language, buying property, trying to maintain the land/garden, the baby, home renovations, mom has no community to really support her the way she needs, mom is isolated from what is familiar, extreme weather, extreme travel. It's a lot yall. For anyone, yes even for you two. It's not about your personal flaws and issues, you have to be careful with that to not fall into the trap of nit-picking every little shortcoming you have- we are all human, we will never live up to the image we have in our egoic minds. Don't put that much pressure on yourselves. What you should be focusing on, is accepting the reality. The realities that led to this exhaustion and suffocation. Maybe it wasn't the best choice to rush into everything, move so far out and have a baby alone without much help, and have all that change at once without a change to integrate and be alchemized by the transformations. Instead you're resisting growth and on the defence of course because you're depleted where y'all should have been nourishing yourselves to best get through each change as it was happening and not forcing more more more more for the sake of not looking at the deeper reality. Now you're here, and that's okay. Y'all have to process all the emotions inside. Cry, write, scream, do what you have to do but do it. Don't let it fester any longer. Accept that you're no longer the people you were before you married and had saga. Accept the things you chose and trust that you chose correctly. Accept the grief you may feel, the anger, the sadness from not getting what you really wanted or needed all this time. Accept it allllll. You need to. Then and only then, once you've gotten raw and real with yourself, will you be able to start Accepting who your partner is, in all their glory and shortcomings, without fluff. To start seeing them as God sees them, a child made in his image. To build that grace for one another and most importantly YOURSELVES. because all this time this is what's been missing. Grace. Patience. Acceptance. Positive HONEST self talk, working your schedules so one of you always has at least an hour of alone time a day, separate hobbies to have a sense of self, finding ways to have a sense of community around you that can help with saga more, and WAYY less pressure are NEEDS. Less chaos. Less expectation. Less living in the mind of 'what will I get from this". Less rules and structure and suffocation. Make space to flow into your new growing selves. Make space for breathing deeply. Make space for play and joy. What makes the inner children of Max and Maya joyful? Return to that place. You both have the responsibility to yourselves to make space for that softness within yourselves everyday. Otherwise how the heck will you sustain it for eachother, and saga? It starts inside. You'll be okay. These are growing pains, but be sure to keep steering the ship in the right direction and you'll always find the way. Keep your eye on the north star, which is your love for eachother. It's not everything, but it's the map you need to follow that will lead you to right action, to humbleness, to respect. You are both good people with such loving hearts. You are not flawed beyond repair and you certainly are not incompatible. Your minds are just not in the right place because you're both not addressing your hearts truths. And your both being way too hard on yourselves and analytical where you need to be simplifying your life and focusing on destressing/simplifying your plates to be able to prioritize that which is TRULY important. You've got this 💖
to what Max said about hiding your true self (maybe not your exact words) no one is perfect. we are all different, we recieve words and actions differently. so when we unintentionally hurt the people we love it's not so much about that action and punishing ourselves for it. it's about how we repair afterward. messing up is inevitable. being able to acknowledge and repair is invaluable. love to you guys.❤
As a single woman watching this, this is gold! You guys are doing a great job being so open with each other and learning how to grow while still making room for one another. Thank you for sharing this with us. I agree that showing your daughter how you resolve conflict or I’m thinking even the way you will admit faults to her and apologize for your actions will form a huge component of teaching her conflict resolution. Hearing you talk about that part made me realize I didn’t have that and till this day, conflicts are a bit painful. So thank you, thank you for doing this for us. Maya, you deserved that trip for you and for all the reasons you both mentioned. I’m happy you have a supportive husband who didn’t think otherwise because some men are so restrictive but in reality, alone time serves the both of you like Max mentioned bringing back a fresher perspective. Favorite part was the breakdown of love and its stages, how honeymoon is Act 1 and these moments are Act 2 and both require different things. I’m learning.
Ever since you’ve started this channel, I saw myself in Maya so much more. Thank you for your openness and vulnerability. I loved her before, but being able to relate to her on such a level is amazing. Because with every video on your relationship, I really have to reflect because my husband and I have the same dynamic. Especially me being more “cold” and also how I show love the same way she does. Also the struggles after having a child and fighting in front of her…😢
absence makes the heart grow fonder....so you need to do some things apart. I have been alone for so long that I feel overwhelmed when anyone gets into my space.
Love watching you two grow. Your relationship has been so beautiful. Also I love this idea of an independent and interdependent relationship. I’ve been independent for two decades and there’s a fear that I’ll lose some of that in a long term committed relationship. 😭
My bf and i often speak about how our relationship felt so natural it was scary and how we came into to it comfortable in our own skins and are now moving through new seasons of growth and decay together. We watched queen charlotte after one of these conversations and it left both of us in tears. Love is a choice that we make everyday and its one that isnt always easy.
I love seeing these types of conversations. I feel I can learn, gain greater perspective and implement key takeaways towards the relationships within my life as well. I am currently on a journey of deepening my relationships and being intentional as I continue to attract more high quality relationships
So grateful y'all let us in on how you work through your experiences as a couple! I'm in a 7 year monogamous cishet relationship. And we met really young and I was his first girlfriend. It's been a lot of navigating though the waters together 😍. We've risen to the challenges that come up year for year, but it's so incredibly helpful to be privy to what is "okay" and "normal" as well as different tweaks we can add to better relate to each other. So thank you guys!!!
I wholeheartedly agree with the 1st comment because when parents kinda hide that stuff too much from kids, they have a certain image that the marriage was perfect and it separation happens, it creates a lot of confusion and almost a feeling of betrayal.
Maya you may not be "cold" you may simply be more measured in your responses and you respond in YOUR way. There's no right and wrong.... I think women are expected to do too much . . folks are always so prescriptive . . Maya, your upbringing may have been more "don't talk about it, be about it." . . . You don't show - you do. . . We can't expect you to react like characters in a book. You two just keep being you. . . and doing your absolute best.
Man i just love yall sharing. May your union last and evolve and may grow together and be a great positive example for your chiodren,as kids and adults. ❤🎉
Saga is blessed with two AMAZING and emotionally developed parents. Even with Maya being emotionally in-tuned and expressive in a different way than Max, it is a strength to be able to see yourself in the way you both do. This reminds me of my husband and I, and everything you said displays to me what a lifetime together looks like. We are continuing to grow and being in a life partnership with someone is raw and beautiful. It has shown me what type of processing is needed to live and make a life with someone and I’m just 6 years into marriage. It really is such a sacred thing. No one else is with you in such a vulnerable and constant way, not even our kids, because eventually they will likely move out and start their own life. This is such a beautiful love to see and encourages me to keep these convos going with my husband so that our daughters can visualize a healthy union and not settle for anything less. Perfect isn’t the goal but growth and health is. Love this!
Very insightful. Thank you both for being transparent and opening up about the difficulties in your marriage and how you go through them and get to the other side. Clearly, you guys have a great foundation and it is inspiring to look at another couple and they express their failures or inequities, but still have a strong hope that your relationship will continue and that it is worth it and you’re working on it. Your union is clearly blessed and I hope to have that one day.
Sending love and light to you both. I’ve been following Maya for a few years and now the both of you on your journey. I love watching you both grow and it can be uncomfortable sometimes. I married my first love who I met at 14. We are 50 and have been married 30 years this June. We are now empty nesters. We both never saw real examples of marriage. We were both raised by strong black woman. We had to figure it out for ourselves. It takes patience and real love to make it work. Yes, there are different stages of marriage. There is no perfection it’s what works for you both. It’s important to extend Grace and space when needed. A lot of couples once they become empty nesters don’t survive. You have to have a friendship before anything else. It’s also important to stay in touch with who you are individually. Hubbie and I took a 7 hr road trip and we had so much fun laughing, talking and singing. I have to say I wouldn’t choose anyone else to take this journey with he is my homie/lover/friend. You guys have what it takes it only has to make sense to you both. Keep loving, learning and laughing. You’ve got this.
I love you both so much! I understand that you both are open to insight and advice, so I will carefully, highlight the part about "Maya being cold" or "not comforting Max". First off, I would like to commend the both of you for being transparent, honest and vulnerable and just real! Comforting someone or rather "Coregulating"(yes you can coregulate adults, not just children), does not have to look one way or another. It is more than just rubbing someones shoulder. It is about holding space literally and figuratively for the other person's feelings, all while being connected to yourself(including your own feelings). Holding space of non judgement and being able to access real empathy. And for that, to be able to coregulate, we need to first feel safe in our own bodies, have experienced, that showing feelings is safe. We need to be able to access a secure attachment within ourselves (many of us struggle with this due to the way we were raised, the attachment style our caregivers had in our childhood). Coregulating is not about "fixing" a persons feelings or "making them feel better" it is about allowing space for their feelings in a judgement free way, sitting in that space and offering a safe feeling. We don't even have to know what to say to be able to coregulate. We need to know that we are safe with what we feel and what they are experiencing. I believe that what Maya describes as being "cold" (that is a label) can be further investigated because simply writing your behavior off as cold, ignores what the behavior actually means. What is really happening in that moment for Maya? What has your experience been with emotions like sadness, feeling angry? How do you treat yourself when you experience certain feelings? It begins within yourself, with the relationship you have with yourself. Are you able to sit with your feelings, understand them, show them empathy, without trying to "fix" them? Feelings are not meant to be fixed, they are meant to be felt and understood because they carry important messages. they are trying to ell us something valuable about what is important to us. If we dont feel safe feeling our own feelings, then it can be hard for us to hold space for someone else's feelings, without trying to "fix" them. The good news is, no matter what attachment style we experienced in our childhood, we are able to create a safe one with ourselves and family, now as adults. It is possible to not only become more aware but to transform how we process and respond in relationships (especially the one we have with ourself). I really hope that my message doesn't come off the wrong way and that you both receive it well. The topic goes a bit deeper, but if you both want to, I am willing to give you more insight. You can even Email me: info@elterncoach-oldenburg.de
I am super curious to know if you guys have looked into the Enneagram personality system. My husband and I discovered this in year 21 of our marriage and oh my goodness it was a game changer to us to understand our types and our core motivations and fears. It seriously is a massive key to understanding each other. Learning our love languages was also very helpful. Loving seeing you both communicating and sharing your journey with us. I think Media and RU-vid have created such false ideals for what true, loving relationships should look like. Thanks for representing the REAL. ❤
You should look into the 5 love languages. Maya’s seems to be acts of services and Max’s physical touch. But you surely cover some of the others as well. Being aware of each other's love languages can certainly help. So Maya isn’t necessarily cold, she just shows her love differently.
I appreciate this video so much. I feel so SEEN in what Maya said. I got married 5 almost 6 months ago and I'm about to go on a solo trip because I need to reset & I did feel guilty. But I need it so bad. So I'm learning what it's like to advocate for yourself while married & still being considerate.
Very interesting conversation! Thanks for sharing. I never comment but I have to add my experience to something that was said. My parents never argued in front of me and my siblings. Like never ever (not even the silent treatment lol). And we asked them how they managed to do that a few years ago and my mother told us that they made a pact when they were still childless that they would never do so and they kept their word. They had disagreements but made sure to settle those in private. They did give us the tools to deal with disagreements (in general and with a spouse) all through our education which is communication and respect (and never talk when you're upset as words that are poured out into the universe can never be taken back). I've never had any argument with my partner. We communicate and make sur to nip any potential cause for an argument in the bud right away when we feel calm. I used to say from when I was little 'sorry but I cannot talk right now" and it still works. In fact I am very grateful to my parents for never arguing in front of us and I cannot stand to be in the presence of people fighting or shouting. It makes me want to run far away and not be subjected to this stress.I also believe your background plays a huge role in this. My dad lost his parents at a very young age so he had no point of reference. And my mother's parents never argued - at least in public- either. I had the privilege of witnessing how in love they were for a few years before my grandfather passed away. Him and my father did not have the physical ability to shout it seems (lol). I believe you can learn a lot by observing how two individuals who never argue treat each other. True, not everyone is the same and none of us are perfect. I think it's safe to say that our best is enough, whatever we are aiming for. Take care XX
My love journey ❤️ It is up and down also. It is with myself. I am praying 🙏🏾 to be more intentional about listening to my ques. When I am feeling stressed, happy, unhappy, lonely, safe, and not feeling myself. Being more present with the LORD. Being thankful and grateful for all the many mercies God has given to me. More accountability for my actions and the words I say. I'm trying not to gossip about others and thinking that I would always do something better. Maybe my circumstances are better... Being responsible, respectful, loving, and consistent person. Amen 🙏🏾 ❤️ 🙏🏾
Thank you for emphasizing your commitment to upholding your vows to one another through every season of marriage and parenting. I think that’s what often (not always) gets lost in translation and disregarded by many in today’s society. Marriage vows are sacred and solemn; it’s a covenant that you can’t walk away simply because of discomfort or difficulty. As someone looking forward to marriage and motherhood, these are the kind of conversations I appreciate because when the ebbs and flows of our relationships get difficult to navigate, I’ll remember that I am committed to my husband and children. Thank you both. 🙏🏾💛
I am at the stage of my life where I am learning for the first time to love being single. I am on a celibacy journey, even if I became a Christian in 2016, I was making some excuses. Your personal video you did Maya really gave me an epiphany. And in this video when Max say you have a lifetime together, I understood what is a true long lasting relationship. I lovevthis segment, who knows you might start writting books tips as you go along. A nice legacy for Saga (I don't know where I got that idea 😅). Great series, I love that you share the bejind the scene of a relationship.
I so relate to you, Maya, because I've been on my own for so many years that just the thought of being with a partner 24/7 makes me feel that same anxiety. 😅 It hasn't gone well in the past for me, but I'm glad to see the commitment here with you both ... as well as ways to still be an individual & take time away.
Maya, I know what you mean about getting crazy about this chapter of your life having lived alone for so long. Gal I met my husband at 43, left my job, moved countries to be with him and had to learn a new language. Gal it was really hard the first few years but it got better when I learned to choose by battles, let go off my independent mindset by putting my marriage first and staying prayed up. I am absolutely not affectionate either as I never experienced it or even saw that in my family growing up. So work on it gal otherwise sagga will be equally cold. You are her role model on how to navigate relationships boo😂😂😂
You get it!!! Learning a new language and culture in the midst of learning parenting with lack of sleep and constant sickness…THE LEVELS!!! But I be praying all the time for not just me but all of us! The enemy doesn’t sleep but my God is all powerful and is protecting our marriage! 🙏🏾✨
@@shamelessmaya absolutely boo, a lot of these battles are spiritual so we have to fight them by going down on our knees. You got this!! You are an overcomer in Jesus mighty name.
It sounds like you may have some walls up as a result of previous life events, Maya. I get it, I think many of us are like that. Therapy may help if you would like to change that part of you. BTW, thank you for sharing such a personal part of your lives.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not down on reflection of one’s life but let’s not forget that while we are reflecting, life is still going on. There has to be a balance between reflection and being present. If you’re not present, you will miss out on something special. Back in the day, our parents didn’t sit around reflecting on their life and a lot of us kids turned out alright. I do think that it’s very necessary to focus on our mental health but I’m just saying that that is not the only aspect of our lives. I thing that during the pandemic, we were more aware of mental health issues but let’s not forget about the present. Again, I say that everything does not have to be analyzed.
Happy Mother's day Maya. It has to be challenging A; to be Newly married and new at parenting. B; Maya you, are in a new homeland, away from everything familiar. Exciting and a little scary. It's not hard being a couple, the real challenge is when kids come in the picture. It's a whole other thing trying to divide time and patience between spouses and kids. You are a loving and beautiful couple. Balance, consistency, communication, love and respect. Y'all will be okay. Thanks for sharing! #SheisMonaLisa314
Maya you hit it on the head with the seasons. Also i wish i had learned earlier to take more alone time when my son was younger! You guys both need it. ❤
There is a book called Sacred Marriage (there is also a book called Sacred Parenting) that I think you guys would love. There are really tangible things in those books that can really shape the mindset of this partnership.
Thank you so much for giving us even more insight with this video. It's really helped me reflect on myself as well. I've definitely followed Maya on Shameless Maya for years before this channel and I remember thinking to myself with the last video " Maya has been through A LOT and has been doing things on her own for many years. She's had to be in fix it mode solo ... so it makes sense to see her not being as touchy feely in emotional moments. " I love that you both acknowledge that it's something to work on.
You guys are awesome! No one is perfect so pls don't try to be. I've witness you guys evolve in marriage and parenting. Don't ever be afraid to bend in the name of love. The one constant in all our lives is change. Continue to work together to reset and realign, both individually and as a couple. ❤😊
Sounds like, Maya, your love language is acts of service (making others' lives better by taking care of them), so you may not physically touching be them but you are showing love by looking after them. People can see the performative acts of the comforting of those whose love language is touch. Ain't nothing wrong with how you show love, it may not be apparent to those on outside watching but I am sure it felt by those you love.
We got two kids, with one pregnancy loss amid. We haven't been out together without kids for more than 4 years. This month's gonna be the very first time that we have a date. 🎉 We are 24/7 together, working from home, with kids. I don't know how we manage to keep on survivng as a couple. All I know we feel love for each other and respect. Which doesn't mean we do not fight btw. It's ok. It's extremely hard to take care of your spouse when there is no space for caring for yourself. How to give when you barely survive alone? I believe these are small habits of everyday that can give this space to relax a bit and regain this self-feeling. For me it's running and listening to music. My parents have never argued in my presence. As a result I had to learn in my relationships that having a fight is not the end. So having a "healthy" fight in front of the kid/s is not a bad idea at all. That's a very useful lesson to have.
I'm not in a relationship and I hope to have as honest and real convos as you guys have. I think honest conversation even if it's uncomfortable is needed in all relationships and I would like a relationship where vulnerability is seen as strength and we motivate each other to be better not only for each other but better to ourselves.
Max it's beautiful that you make excuses for your wife and you give her grace. You're so emotionally aware! Maya, I love that you are self aware and holding yourself accountable. Max you communicated that SO well to Maya! Both of you don't forget about self care and taking a quick minute for yourself rather that's tapping into a hobby or whatever. As an introvert, yes that solo trip sounds rejeuvenating and the fact that hubby is so excited and supportive about it. I love that Max mentioned that he expects you to feel the same when he is ready for a solo trip. Even though you all go through things which is normal, on the outside looking in, you all communicate so well. I agree that love is more than just a feeling its putting in work, sacrifice, and choosing each other every day. I'm learning a lot through these uploads especially allowing your children to see you and your significant other work through conflict and find a resolution. Thanks for taking us on your journey and being so open and vulnerable as you evolve throughout life.❤
Conflict, resolution, show Saga love is still there. It will ground her and help her to be confident that people you love go through this and it's normal. No. It's essential as humans. Someone said give grace to your partner, but also to yourself. God bless you and your family!
I am a fan of checking your mental health, but I’m wondering if we have to analyze everything we do in life. I’m wondering if we are so busy analyzing everything that we never have time to jus focus on our lives. There is nothing wrong with keeping a check on your menta health but we also have to keep on living. I’m glad that people are focusing on their mental health but in the meantime life is still going on. Are we missing things while we meditate or sitting around discussing our mental health? We still have to be present to what’s going on right now. We have to be in the moment because those moments are fleeting. Mental health is important but we also have to be present for what’s happening in the the “now”.
Im the same way….it’s hard to be soft and comforting when that’s not your natural reaction to those intimate & vulnerable moments…anyway, not to be funny but this is literally makes me think of the “sorrows, sorrows, prayers”
My husband and I truly believe that it is the experiences with one another that makes the love grows deeper. We are truly able to love when we know through experiences and learning one another that we are free to be who we are. And the bonus is your partner has seen you evolve and mature over time. I think in the beginning, it is the excitement and newness of marriage we mistake for those in love times. But if you have endured some trials and tribulations while dancing in the rain, the love is the decision to be committed like a team with the goal of winning. I am more in love now 17 years later, bc I know by GOD’s grace and help, we both are willing to do what it takes to to be better, to win as a couple, family!
I wouldn't say your cold, but some of us just grow up and learn self-soothing. Because I am the same way. People don't understand that relationships are work just like life full of highs and lows
You guys are going through the ropes together and that’s perfectly normal. As long as you guys are self-aware of each other’s needs and are providing mutual love and mutual respect you can do this 🗣️
Maya! Will there be another closet video in the future? You have so many interesting pieces and I always ask myself where can you even find stuff like that. Love your pants
The relationship between my partner and I have transformed over time. We met in college he dropped out and somehow through the shit show of the pandemic we found each other again. The honeymoon phase was strong and being long distance was not gonna stop us. Fast forward to us living with his parent there was a massive low in our relationship we were broke, busted, disgusted and can't be trusted (old family saying). But over the years we learned and are still learning from each other and how to love each other and ourselves better. Having our own space from our families has helped. However, there's still some riff like ...SEX which can be difficult for me with anxiety and trauma that has been a frontier of conversations. The physical love mixed with the spiritual are important. With cultural differences and anxiety around the act of sex that has been a wall. Sometimes I think "Why is this an issue?" Is something wrong with me? But then I realize I'm only 24 and I have a lot more growing to do and trauma to heal. It's a journey and I'm just glad I have a safe, secure, and patience partner. Thank you for sharing this and fir being honest.
I thought your description of your definition of love. That is my definition as well, butterflies are hormones that we must have but it isn't meant to last forever. Love is to choose someone every morning. Do you. that is the best
Great video. I appreciate you guys explaining things but please realize you DON'T have too. If Maya and Max had the same reactions that would be boring or not work well. It's key that you know you LOVE each other , communicate openly and are committed to working through things. GOD bless you too. With all the flaws you "think" you are showing you guys are doing a great job and showing others how REAL love works. Not knowing how to do conflict from lack of seeing that growing up has been a very evident issue in my relationships. Knowing that made me open up to my kids at a young age that I was not great at conflict but that we work on that together so they would prepared as adults for things that come their way. Doing this with my kids taught me as well.
What a sweet husband Max is 🙏 Maya I love your passion and authenticity as well! From one momma to another proud of you 👏💖 Cling to Gods word for YOU and Let Saga and Max continue to see you reading it & clinging to that! Jesus is the ultimate peace, truth and provider 👊🤗
I think I’m more cold too. My husband is more sensitive. He just voiced that he feels disrespected and he is giving more and I’m not. I don’t think that but will have to adjust to make him feel better. It’s definitely difficulty when you aren’t the sensitive one.
Restating this comment since it was a reply and I don't want it to get buried: There's a really great book (easy read) called The 5 Love Languages. May's love langue is probably 'Acts of Service' like me. Hugs and stuff are fine but I feel REALLY loved when people can help me with things that need to get DONE. Emotions ain't one of them! (lol) Friends and family remember me for the things that I've helped them out with. That's how I love! On the other hand, there are four other love languages and some people really do value having someone sit with them or hug them in difficult moments. Without that, they feel really uncared for. The more we get to know ourselves and our partners, the easier our time together will be. Ultimately though, with a foundation of respect and love for one another, little by little you'll be able to grow together in your marriage partnership.
Something I think that's really powerful about being open to show (nonviolent 😂) conflict in front of your child is that it really instills those conflict resolution skills in them. What you guys are learning is important in all relationships, not just marriages. Many parents try to teach their kids things like "don't raise your voice" or "repeat what I'm saying back to me" kind of things but they hardly ever show themselves in those types of situations with others or show the same sort of respect toward their child. It's something she'll naturally take into her friendships/relationships in life as. In fact, I doubt it would even be something she does consciously because it's how she grew up. That's really amazing. Just my two cents. Leaving my first comment after however many years. I made this account in like 2008 so please disregard my username 😂
🤣 I can relate oh so well when Maya spoke about the transition from solo-dolo to being with Max 24/7. I've had a similar situation happen when I first started dating my boyfriend and I didn't know what to do with myself. It was such a foreign environment me, but now being away from time to time, I crave just being up under him 24/7. Thank you guys for sharing your stories.
These conversations are so beautiful. It really helps me to step out of my comfort zone and have more deep and meaningful conversations with my husband❤ thank you for bringing us along on your journey and letting us see that marriage is work in all its different stages😇
Thank you Max and Maya for sharing your journey with us. Like another commenter mentioned, we often see RU-vid couples who are seemingly perfect and end up getting a divorce (seemingly) out of nowhere. Thanks for sharing the reality of a marriage between two people who love one another and are doing the work to be better for their daughter, themselves and each other. I also wanted to note that interdependence is the healthy alternative to codependence. Codependency is an unequal partnership in which one's needs is placed above the other and is characterized by constant reliance on one another, whereas in interdependence both partners' needs are equally important, each partner feels safe to rely on one another and individuality is valued 💜
Before getting married, I learned that marriage (especially when you believe in Jesus) is a covenant relationship meant to mirror Jesus' love in our lives here on Earth. Unlike our children, who we love forever and that come so easily, our partner is the relationship we need to constantly work at. Marriage is about sanctification, it is not there to make you happy per se, even though you are going to experience many happy times, the conflict will make you grow it will build your character and if you do it hand in hand with Jesus it will make you more like him every single day. At the end of the day when we choose a partner it is important to think about who will I be content with, but it is also important to ask ourselves: who do I want ride conflict with for the rest of my life because even in the midst of those conflicts they allow me to feel safe.
Independence : where you’re free within yourself, individually. interdependence: where you lean and depend on other people and things. You can recognize the value of duality to have other people and other things co-dependence : where you are not able to feel okay about yourself unless you can make someone else feel okay about themselves.
I love you guys. Maya & Max have you ever thought about where your Chiron is placed (your wound)? People don’t truly understand why certain people or things show up in their lives until they understand their wound.💜
