Who's Right, My Mother or My Wife? - Shaykh Hasan Ali 

looool the kitchen issue!I'm a sister and I can totally relate to what he means.I definitely need my own kitchen!

this guys is 100% bang on

I got married in early 30s making sure all my younger sibling are married first my elder brother got married first and at that time i was working away from home then after 6 months my brother got depressed at that time i did not understand but according to my mother it was my sister in law and i believed everything and started to hate my sister in law but when i moved back to my home town i decided to get married i thought i will get married back home as this will help my parents in communication and as well in cultural needs but did i know the biggest problem was in fact my mother the advantage i had was i have business online so i spend all day at home and the things that my mom do is unhuman despite my wife being sincere and polite then my youngest brother got married to a UK wife so we have two daughter in law in the house my brothers wife never even cooked anything in the two years that she was living with us even when her parents came she would never do anything my wife and my mother does all the work but my mother always picks on my wife then i came to know she hates foreign people yes am ashamed to say my mother is a cultural racist my marriage is in a depressed state all the time because of her and she even refuses to go and live my younger brother as they got a new house instead she will live with me and my wife and has never spoken in a year. I know you should never hate your mother but my mother is a different level she loves back biting etc about me and my wife yet refuses to go and live elsewhere i also noticed 99% of marriage problems in asian muslims house are caused by no other then the husbands mother yet they call them self a muslim.

I agree mashallah ! I live with my mum in law and there's always issues, subhannallah I ain't the type of person to start problems but she is a difficult person to live with

Really reallyyyyy true. I'm living right now that ugly situation !!

Best Sheik in youtube! May Allah (s.w.t) keep him always strong and truthful to the sunnah and Quran. Ameen

Funny that the non Muslims would never live in their parents home before or after marriage, but yet the Muslims Find it normal The Hadith says having your wife live in the same home as your brother is like death. Men have to remember protect your wives from non mahrams also means protecting them from your male relatives. Who are men she could marry too!

I'm so glad a sheikh has said this amongst money brothers its blasphemous to mention living separately and they think it's haram as if you can't fulfil the rights of your parents if you live a couple streets or houses away. You'll find the parents of the brothers who do live under one roof doing more for their child than the other way around, so by staying in their parents house, the grown up son with his wife becomes more of a burden.

If only I had someone to advice me on this before I chose to marry my sons dad and live with his mum and family etc. Worst years of my life and Alhamdhulillah so glad I have left them and living with my mum now. But I do regret not having a plan when I was deep in sadness and despair and Allah SWT plans better :) Alhamdhulillah I am happier and healthier now Subhan’Allah !

as salaam alaykum brothers and sisters, I agree!! i am a revert to islam english lady reverted years before i met my hubby, he is a british pakistani know i do not follow culture only islam and the sunnah no cultural ways atall! i had NO IDEA what i was getting my self into....... mother and daughter in laws living together never works,on top of that try been the white woman who stole your only son lol!!! i have never been physically abused wouldnt allow it nor would my husband allow it alhamdulilah but emotionally yes, the racism the hostility i have experienced is awfull! every woman wants to be queen of her home have it her way and order women living together NEVER EVER WORKS clashes. the mother inlaw doesnt let you change nothing you are expected to forget your parents and adapt all her cultural ways i have experienced this however been the strong minded woman i am i never allowed this and stood my ground since day one. it has been so bad living with inlaws that i have actually lived the past 3 years at my parents house and only of recent moving out to our own house alhamdulilah. in my experience as a 27 year old woman living with inlaws you cnt be a housewife, his mother still insists on doing everything for him still from washing, cooking, laundry its so fustrating when all you want is to be a housewife to your husband. no offence or disrespect to any pakistanis out there but my god your cultural ways at times are not healthy and turns mothers and daughter in laws bitter for each other not to mention how detrimental this is for your marriage. in 3 years 99% of arguments with my husband have all been because of living in a inlaw situation.. no privacy, cnt get to the cooker his mum is always hogging it and the sink, she will watch my every move. physco! 3 years on i am so bitter and full of anger becuase of it all even though we are moving out the damage has been far done and if it ever will be rectified highly doubt it.

mashallah a great scholar he has come such a long way from when i heard his lectures on cassette 11 years ago!!!

By Allah I love this sheik/brother/speaker for the sake of Allah!

It's a problem as well when you marry a man with a single mother, because she continues to micro manage their lives and even stops them from moving out after having children and tells them what to do and never gives them privacy... What do you do then? :(

He is an example that in Islam you can have fun too!

Some parents are really a pain everywhere. They talk and talk over nothing about everytg. They compare son in laws and daugther in laws. Whos making more money than who or what not. It doesnt stop there, comparing kids, compare just practically everytg. They just dont hv better things to do. I really hate to be around them.most of the time. I try to avoid as best as i can. Getting married for the first rime is really a culture shock to me, coz my family is the totally opposite of tht. We dont dwell on personal issues, we dont ask how much money u make etc. And sisters, i made the decision not to stay together with them, alhamdulillaah. Put yr foot down when yr husband suggests living with the in laws and the outlaws.

Marry a man. Not a baby whose still on breastfed of his mother

Yes he does he has joked about it himself before. But alhamdulillah he practises Islam in a beautiful way and is alhamdulillah a wonderful example.

This topic is very important discussed by hardly any

"Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him and that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility and say, "My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood." [Noble Quran 17:23-24]

From a mother in laws perspective I couldn't agree more! Our sons need to be men and fund their homes even if it's on a very basic level, no worries to live together so long as all the ladies are happy without pressure etc, mashaAllah follow the examples of our blessed prophet and inshaAllah strengthen family bonds and also benefit in the eternal life also. Mother and father in laws like their space and have a life also ha😊

The Magic of a Mother As the Fajr Azaan is called one can feel the household coming to life. Everyone rises except for mum. No! She’s not asleep; she has been awake long before fajr. She has already made the tea, read her Thahajud, and is in readiness for her Salaah even before the Mu’azzin calls the first words of the Azaan. As we stroll into the kitchen after Salaah, we are welcomed by the fresh smell of toast and the smiling face of the lady that holds things together for us. Of Course, we all have our own breakfast preferences, so each one has to be catered for in every respect. For a mother it is no easy task looking after the needs of her family, yet for us it is taken for granted that someone will clean up after us. Did we ever stop to think how things get cleaned up after we mess? Do we ever stop to think how things are kept in order? And what sacrifices have to be made just so that we can have a clean shirt to wear every morning? Do we ever stop to think how we always have a fresh towel ready for us to use every morning? Do we ever stop to think how simple things like toothpaste, toilet rolls and soap never run out on us? If we take the time to think, we will be convinced that Mummy has an entourage of little angels that creep out of the woodwork to carry out her chores. We would also feel that it is humanly impossible for one lady to take care of a whole family. How can it be possible to know what each person likes and dislikes? Who has the ability to look at you straight in the eye and tell you that you hiding something from her? Who will cook, clean, wash and will still be able to smile without a single complaint? Only a mother; a mother is truly a remarkable creature. Yet, unfortunately she becomes the object of abuse by her children and her husband. She is the one who will stand up for her children in an instant, yet she gets bullied and ordered by those same kids daily. She is the one that will nurse every ailment of her children, yet her kids feel nothing of showing disrespect in front of her whole family. She is the one that will talk with love, yet she gets verbally abused everyday by her kids. She is the one that guides and ensures that her kids are brought up with imaan and taqwa, yet she is referred to as the nag of the house. A mother has given her youth, her beauty and her body to bear children; her only prayer is that her children are safe and happy, yet it is the very same kids that shun her and class her as an illiterate as they become older. Do they not realize that it was she that spent hours teaching us maths, English and accounting when we knew nothing? Had it not been for her dedication and perseverance in making sure we understood the basics, would we still be able to grin at all those awards and degrees that we proudly display on our mantle pieces. Highly unlikely! Remember, you are nothing, you can do nothing and you have achieved nothing without the blessings of your parents. It is time you take a few steps back in your life and show your parents the respect they deserve, for you will not only be deprived in this world, but also in the hereafter. May our Creator save those children that disrespect their mothers and fathers and guide them to the gates of Jannah. آمين

I am sorry my Fatma, you made me stronger in all ways

The hubby always with his mother side. I say nothing much unless they point fingers at me wrongfully (with nasty words)...still he is .... ugh! The House a war zone now!

Too good and truly said .100% true

separate accommodation separate from your mother the thing is challenges in life will never stop sheikh because it has no route that we can tear it apart best to thank allah and seek knowledge and keep steadfast towards the salah and make dua its just my opinion please dont take it as a offense reality what keeps us teaching and staying in touch with Allah.

Brother, if only people had a broad mind, and elders had a little less ego, life would be so peaceful if Allah wills. Its difficult to live with so much nagging and parents who cant let go of their GROWN UP KIDS. Subhan Allah, itsa big test. And its frustrating. And thr GOSSIP. wallahi, on the phones to the daughters.. its depressing, but it is what it is, so Alhumdulillah

I am living with my parents and wife in one home and trust me its not good at all. Find your own home if you can is my suggestion

cannot wait for the full videeeooo !!

What happens when your motherinlaw uses foul language? & your husband still thinks your the trouble maker?

29 dislike by mother in law 😁

The worse part for me is, we are trying to practise the sunnah of the prophet pbuh as our way of life, but the in laws are living the western plus bidaah life. So definately huge conflict, i wish i live somewhere far like on planet mars.so tht i get to see them much less.

Akhi Hasan it's true that co-living isn't easy all the time but as you say if everyone has the correct education, it's more likely will be much easier then, there will be mutual respect in that house and no crossing boundaries. But the ideal if one is able is to shelter their spouses.

Before you get married get your own house In’sha Allah

You are so right. Husband in wife should have there on place🙏👍

When your mother in law controls your every move, dress you wear, the way you sit, what time you should get up, what you should do and should not do... basically when she has full control of your life... you will start thinking whether you are a human or animal? Luckily I took my husband and went off to a different country to live. Far, far away ! We only visit once a year and it’s enough to piss me off. I will rather live alone divorced rather than being a slave to my mother in law. Dear women, respect yourselfs. Don’t let your control freak mother in laws boss over your lives. Don’t let your your brother in laws mess with your lives. Freedom! I am ready to die for it! I will do whatever it takes to be and live free! Even it will cost me my marriage!

Now the new technique is husband will stop talking to wife or limit talking because of backbiting by in-laws.. very difficult to understand that what's my mistake now

Why do the Asian men thinks it’s normal to get married live with the parents then have sex in the same house as your parents! This is disgusting and disturbing.

Mashallah Brother!

mmmm what about the SISTER IN LAWS??? there the worst!!

sheik this is so true but still, I would say if you move out of your parents while they are old you then need to go to them as often as you can and make sure your wife goes and visits her as often as she can because it is not about leaving it to one sister or brother it is about trying to please them before you both die. and I also believe the responsibility of looking after your parents is bigger than your wife and kids and if I am wrong may Allah forgive us all but I will always love and put my parents before my wife and kids.I need to please my parents to earn Jannah and my wife needs to please me to earn Jannah so she should always get along with my mum if she is a god-fearing wife.

Mother who bore the pain of nine months and raised you deserve much more than a girl who came when you have everything settle down , wife cant give u jannah its only mother .

the ** DOT ** at the back.....I keep looking at that aswell....but main point is AMAZING LECTURE AND VERY LIBERATING mashaALLAH

I personally dont agree, but I also think it depends on each family situation. I personally like having more family members around but it comes down to how you treat one another. If we cannot stand one another, how can we handle the world

this is a good show

Absolutely right!!!

I like the video before it comes, as i know Shaykh is that good... mashallah.

Shekh Asalam aleykum am a gal living wid ma inlaws wateva u sed is wats hapening sem here...i love ma madha in law nd ma husbnd soo much bt i neva knew she was da kind of a person dats is gud infront of me bt to da adas she toks ill abt me...i came to knew dis wen she was also talking ill abt da ada wife of ma husbnds brother where she was an ideal wife to me..she appears to be nice to me ..she treats me gud nd da vice verse...then one day we told each ada wat mother in law used to tok abt each ada behind dea back..i cudnt blv dis shekh...wallahy da way i love dis mother aftr ol dis ma love strted to decrease bt stil i love her...she talked abt ma family ..nd most dat disturbs me dat ma husbnd parents a doz parents dat they want dea sons to be under dea feet alwys...dats hurt me shekh...am married to him nt da family bt i receive rules from dem dey rule me more dan even ma husbnd....i cant go out wid ma husbnd bcoz of dea culture..dey say goin out is eib to da family..i stand ol dis nonsense dey say..i blv dats wat nt da deen has sed..i av da ryt to go outin wid ma husbnd..am married fr almost a year nw bt am living under dea rules'permisions'and control...it has reach nw dat am fed up wid dis behaviour nd da best part of it dat am having subra is dat ma husbnd trusts me nd support me weneva his parents go wrong bt just infront of me bt he neva sayz anythng to his parents ..it nw has reach a time we wanna live separately bt da parents wont let us be...dey even tel ma husbnd dat if he dares goes from here they wil curse him ..bt i see no effect of dis...i mean dey are nt dat old ..da fadha is stil a gentleman bt he wants to rule his sons. .da sons do da work wea da father just sits nd receive and order out...to be honest shekh dey gv ma huabnd stress weneva he comes home hes stressed out dat he is left wid no choice either to be his madhas o his wifes child..am not sayin dat i wanna separate dem bt wateva is hapenin in da house am tired nd can tek it anymore...da mother streses ma husbnd she folows him at work just fr some pety issues dat hapened at home..ur wife has done dis nd dis ...i hate da behaviour..wat more is dey have crosed dea limits weneva i need somethng i have to ask da mother fr it..sometyms i want somethng dat i can only tel ma husbnd bt hes forced to tel his parents since he is given no money since da parents are da caretaker of da family...dat sounds iritating to me ..sometyms i even wonder wat kind of pple a dey...ma husbnd is nt happy wid da situatin ..he wanna mek his mother happy bt he wants to see his wofe happy too...he stands wid me nd support me bt his parents dnt love dis since dey believe in such nonsense dat wives a not treated dat gud or dey wil just rule you ol over....am fed up wid ol of dis nd wnana live wid ma husbnd separately ..ma husbnd too want to leave from here bt his parents aint leting him to do...so plz shekh help me coz ryt nw we are thinking of going away widout informing dem ..let say we wish to elope since they cant get our point of view..so shekh plz help here are we goin to do da ryt thng or??is nt goin nd neva informing dem we are planing to elope aftr reaching far we kol dem nd tel dem dat we decided to move nd dat we love dem stil...is it haram??..plz shekh help me coz we are fed up wid ol dis nd wanna go from here as soon as possible...jazaakallahu kheyr

Shaykh hasan ali u r so true.. Ma'sha'allah. What u saying happens in my house except the farts lol

Ma'sha'allah

Parents are the Gates Abu Umama (radi Allahu anhu) narrates that a man enquired from the Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam): “O Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam)! What are the rights of parents over their offspring?” The Prophet replied: “Your entry into Paradise or Hell depends on your good or bad conduct towards your parents.” [Ibn Majah] In other words, if you treat them well the gates of Paradise will be opened for you and you will be admitted therein, but if you violate the rights that your parents have over you, the gates of Hell will be opened for you and you will be consigned to serve as fuel for it. The following is the advice that Abdullah ibn Umar gave to Abdullah ibn Abbas (radi Allahu anhuma) regarding how he should treat his parents: “If you talk to them in a polite manner and look after their needs and feed them well, you will certainly be admitted to Paradise provided you abstain from major sins.” [Al-Adab-ul Mufrad] Abu Hurairah (radi Allahu anhu) once saw two men. He asked one of them, “What is your relationship with the other man?” The man replied, “He is my father.” Abu Hurairah (radi Allahu anhu) thereupon advised him, “Look, never call him by his name, walk ahead of him, or sit before he takes his seat.” [Al-Adab-ul Mufrad] In other words, it is not just their material needs of food, clothing, shelter, and medicine that we need to be mindful of. We also need to show them respect and consideration in every deed. We should address them with titles of respect, and make sure that they are comfortable before we make ourselves comfortable. The most important right of parents over their children is their right to eeman. Should the child be blessed with faith and find it lacking in the parents, they need to try with utmost love, gentleness and concern to explain and try to instill the love of Allah and His Messenger in them. An onlooker should be able to tell by the deference shown, the outward behaviour and demeanour, who the parent is and who the child is. It is nothing but Godlessness in the society, whether it be of Muslims or non-Muslims, when children are observed talking to parents with gritted teeth and high handedness. Asalaam Aleykum Wa Rahmatulahi Wa Barakatuhu 🌷🌷 Sabah Al Khair 🌺🌺

My sisters in laws broke her marriage The mother in law used to force my sister too cook for all her sons and her father in law. Because they were not taught how to be independent at home Causing the rest of the slave sis In laws to fight amongst each other. The males and mother in law are the abusers causing so much oppression in the home

Mas Shaa-Allah

@06:40 Story of my life :/

At a certain age, you should be happy for them to go their own way, especially when they get married, stay completely out of their foyer.

A wife can be biased or same goes with the mother!

I keep looking at the dent in the wall....

Mashallah

Lmao love this video .

Can we make mother in law s Haram😆

My judgement

Where is this Sheikh from?

so if someone gets married they should leave their mother and go with their wife?? even though the father passed away and the mother is alone?

true men start barking at sisters after listening to their wives, man up first then investigate... simple...

Shaykh is rich back home.....lol

Some of families have economic problems and some parents have hard rules and children don’t wanna hurt there parents and make their parents sad because it is haram ! We prepare to stay in same house then make our parents stay sad with us and do bad dua to us in that old age ! Living in Prison with happy parents is better then living in big big big buildings and house with big gardens but sad parents ! Parents come first woman 👩 come second,third, fourth, fifth!

Salaam alaykum,the biggest problem i think is that men dont comfort their mothers enough so they are in constant insecurity. Simplified lifestyle will help greatly for mother in laws and let the daughter in law concentrate on raising little Muslims

why release clips? just upload the full lecture pls, kinda of ruins the lecture too

Ali and Fatima

Can you repeat in sylhety Bangla what you said

the great

Lolz! Sheikh is funny

ALLAH IS ONE. ALLAH IS KNOWS BEST. ALLAH IS BEST PLANER. YOU ARE 100% RIGHT. THANK YOU FOR YOUR LOVELY ADIVEC. PARY PEACE AND UNITY MUSLIM BOTHER AND SISTER ALL OVER THE WORLD. PEACE PROPHET MUHAMMAD SAULLALIHEM HIS FAMILY AND ALL HIS COUPINON. PARY FOR ME AND PLASTINE PARY (ALLAH IS ONE) GIVE PEACE ALL FAMILY ALL OVER THE WORLD. ALLAH HU AKBUR. ALLAH HU AKBUR. ALLAH HU AKBUR. ALLAH IS BEST PLANER. AAMEEN. ASSMALIKUM.

Allah save us

I think what is ment by living separately, if propertie can accommodate 1or 2 married sons then it's just fine to have their own quarters in same yard. The sour relationship between daughter-in-law and in-laws is in most cases fault of son for allowing his wife to dictate marriage from beginning. In many cases daughter- in-laws are like snakes in green grass!!! It's quite rare to find a passive dove among tall grasses.

Lmao this guy is funny

👍

C

What if your the only son???

I predict that in the very near future men will decide to live alone from any women. No mother and especially no wife. Maybe girlfriend.

I know that I have mother tongue but you are talking about wife tongue.

Are all mother inlaws bad ???I have seen more mother inlaws suffering at the hands of daughter inlaws..in Pakistan and here in usa..

That's why you have to know your wife.

💎💎💎💎💎

Not things as easy as said, These type of parents are called narcissistic parents and the make their children codependent ( mentally ill ) regardless of their age.

Aal those who are claiming to have problem to luve with in law . Remember that u will be in a similar position Tomo .. I advise all the brothers to be just between both n ur mother deserves more kindness . Disobedience towards parents n obedience towards wife is a sin .. Rather obedience of wife should be towards wife .. Oh men u have only one mother u leave her u can never get one .. All those who cry n create problem between parents n husband then certainly leave her .

😅

so should all the sons move out and leave the parents on their own, what if the mother or father is a widow, are you going to stick them in a nursing home like the west do.i find it difficult to understand this. thats why you should look for a wife that is practicing not just a pretty one

keep them kind of comments to your self brother

Hell no I disagree. It all depends on different circumstances.

Sir what ever you r saying it only prevail in arab aur western world in asia specialy indopak it is haram fully haram and the son and daughter in law r the most disobidient persons may be jahanami (naouzo billah min zalik)...this problem cant be solved till qiyamah ....still our indopak families residing in western world r having same problem becoz the daughter inlaw from indo pak had join them in their house she is dependent on them for 5 to 7 years and after all the family (the son's) has sponsor the maid(to be called bahu) .so for sake of her married life she has to bare every thing silently.to be honest these families wont let their daughters to live a single minute with her inlaws .thats the double face of our indo pak people all around the world😂😂😂.

if you have no idea about a religion or a culture keep your mouth shut cause if you can give us any advise come forward and show us that you are better than him.

please sheikh are you sure you are not denying we the poor from marriage?? you are advising ladies to go for those who can afford their own apartment as Solution to get peace from their parents??

give the right to the wives and take away from parents? i dont get the first point about suggesting to accept a guy who can provide separate accomodation at the time of marriage? talking about uk does the sheikh not know how expensive housing is? on the other hand in terms of taking care of parentsel if we are to go by sheikhs opinion that if one takes care all others escape it what about that person who chooses to take care? is he supposed to not get married or what?? i find this really contradicting - i think the problem is the sheikh is speaking only from on point od view specially taking into account where household are not in order - its a little imbalanced from what i understand of th3 sheikh's opinion specially ignoring the strong hadiths on the rights of parents??

Sorry to say, on this occasion his advice is misguided.

This guy is a joke