I found Alice Miller's book from Gabor Mate. I'm drawn to this idea of the trauma being stored in our cells and that we try other ways of dealing with this pain-- addiction, religion, seeking positions of authority, appeasement of others -- but nothing works. My question is, if we acknowledge that those approaches don't work, and that what Miller/Mate say is the truth, then what are we to do? How does one deal with this trauma suffered in childhood that resides in our cells? What does one actually do?
NATUROPATHY medicine knows that Dis-EASE is rooted in BLOCKED EMOTIONS ie hidden pushes down buried unprocessed STORED TRAUMA ... Bible: LET "IT" THE EVIL TRAUMA GO ... FORGIVENESS IS A MUST for our own sanity, reconciliation is a choice and healthy boundaries setting are necessary, John Townsend, and Love is the answer as God is love and all undefiled creations is Love ❤️💖🧡 1 John 4 18 perfect love casts out Fear .... Dr John Townsend be in health minister famous quote for all mental health
NATUROPATHY medicine knows that Dis-EASE is rooted in BLOCKED EMOTIONS ie hidden pushes down buried unprocessed STORED TRAUMA ... Bible: LET "IT" THE EVIL TRAUMA GO ... FORGIVENESS IS A MUST for our own sanity, reconciliation is a choice and healthy boundaries setting are necessary, John Townsend, and Love is the answer as God is love and all undefiled creations is Love ❤️💖🧡 1 John 4 18 perfect love casts out Fear .... Dr John Townsend be in health minister famous quote for all mental health
That is the right question my friend. And I wish i had the answer, but I don’t. My guess is the answer is unique to each individual and their unique trauma. But let me know if you do find out. Thanks for commenting Peter 👏🏼
If I may, I'd say that one is to take on the journey into and (with any grace) through "self". It is a structure of beliefs, boundaries, and conclusions. Find out how one has unconsciously accepted certain things to be true or false (even ideas of who or what you think you are), consciously decide if they are NOW true or not, and open those vistas. It's not always about answers per se, but about direction: within, through, and out into expansive potential that the present ideation is cutting one off from. It is a slow, painstaking process to unravel the mystery of who one actually is, but it is most truly the greatest adventure ever undertaken.
Look into Walker’s CPTSD book. Lots of solutions on there including EMDR. He also offers guidance on how to find a good therapist. Meridian tapping and NLP are a couple more. Also there is one of Millers books here on RU-vid and two more available on audible. Another book that comes to mind is Befriending the Nervous System forgot the authors name.
Just brilliant Gabriella. I have suspected this strongly with my father. Things happened to him which he never spoke about. He would fly into rages. I believe this suppression of emotions and trauma led to his early death (cancer) at 54.
I’m so sorry to hear this. Maybe one of life’s purposes is to learn to be free from the things that oppress us. I hope you’re well. Thank you for sharing 🙏🏻
Your intro to Miller is excellent. I would add something in between “becoming aware of…our past and are thus able to live with it.” I would add *becoming aware of our lack of control over the abusive and or neglectful elements of our past during our developmental years* *Compared with our current power over ourselves now* and are thus able to live with it *by doing OUR best to not repeat it* nor any longer accept the false beliefs they implanted or tried to implant.
Great summary! I don’t know who said it but today on the radio station NPR someone said disrespect is the weapon of the weak. But I think the original was Contempt is the weapon .. and it’s attributed to Alice Miller and that what brought me here. It touches me so much and I’ve learned learn about her today.
I’m so glad to find your channel! Well prepared content, great editing and really a diverse set of videos! Also, you have such a soothing voice I can listen to you talking all day 😂 Thank you for your effort! I can’t thank you enough for creating informative yet captivating content!
I need to re-read "The Drama...", but, as a retired psychiatrist and childhood trauma survivor, Dr. Miller seems not to recognize that emotional/physical abandonment is the central "abuse" of children in our "hurry-up" "toxic culture" and leaves the abandoned child with lifelong self-blame/self-loathing, which is the natural reflexive reaction of a helpless child when abandoned by his/her mother/father. This phenomenon is well understood in the psychology literature today. Read Pete Walker's "Complex PTSD".
I think you should re-read this book because Alice Miller most certainly pays a lot of attention to the sort of abandonment you are referring to. She sketches a lengthy situation about a child who wants a bite of the ice cream of his father and his mother. How they react is a stellar example of emotional abandonment.
@@carmenl163 I think you should avoid telling others what to do. Entitlement issue? She does not write of speak of the "sort of abandonment" I am addressing and have lived through all during my childhood, when neither of my parents ever asked me about my stellar academic performance, or athletic performance, or obvious loneliness after they jerked me out of the 6th grade in Upper Arlington, Ohio, and plopped me down in a rural school system, without ever asking my opinion/wishes about any of it. I have a 20 X 30inch photo, a blow-up of one I took when 10yo, of the one room log cabin I experienced as my first home, and they "flipped" when I was 12, as they moved to their (not mine) dream home in Hilliard, Ohio. My parents hardly ever spoke to me or aske my opinion about anything, they were busy selling residential real estate. Much later in life I have come to realize that they treated me just as they had been treated, both lost their opposite sex parent at 10yo and were not wanted when their surviving parent remarried, more so for my father than my mother. 37% of children born today in the US are unintentional and a fair number are unwanted. Today's parents really don't have the time or interest to parent. Alice's physical abuse was painful, I'm sure, but being ignored and unwanted can leave a far more profound wound that can take a lifetime to heal from. Ice cream? My mother's first cousin, whos father owned the creamery in St. Mary's WV, sexually abused me, left me with lifelong CPTSD, and I never realized it, because it was buried so deep. The lifelong anxiety and hypervigilance drove 25 yrs of alcohol/marijuana abuse and a sense of abandonment and loneliness that I doubt Alice Miller every experienced. Fortunately, 25 yrs. of 12-step meetings and the "protection and care" I found there finally has allowed the deep spiritually based healing I had always been searching for. God bless you and yours, and don't have a child you can't spend a lifetime raising, loving, and protecting.
7:01 Studies have shown differences in anger expression between girls and boys as young as 1 years of age. The anger thing goes deeper and is more complex than some would like to believe. I'm not denying the conditioning which boys and girls go through later. I wouldn't jump to conclusions too quickly though. In every relationship I had, I saw a mighty, unrestricted feminine expression of anger directed at me. How was it limited by societal conditioning? Also: Minorities in 'predominantly white western countries' do not need to be of colour to experience all sorts of discrimination. It's more to do with 'othering' and starts quite early. It's somehow more prenounced among the teenagers, again as studies have shown.
Thank you for sharing and sorry you experienced feminine anger directed at you - I guess everyone has their own lived experience of whether or not they were allowed to express anger regardless of gender. However, the common thread I found from my experience and research (as a Caucasian, middle-class, woman born in the UK) it brought me to this conclusion, but I understand that this is not the same for everyone across the globe. Thanks again for your comment.
Reminded me very much of the four nobel truths of Buddhism. Personally I find that it takes great awareness and strength to first identify and second choose to take the path to discovering the true authentic self.
Thanks for teaching me something new. Yeah, I’d never thought of it that way… the identifying bit can be painful! Sometimes there’s a denial like we’re so afraid to become conscious.
@@GabriellaTavini Guess she was also stuck in that generational trauma cycle, even though she was aware. Awareness alone doesn't solve it, you have to be brave enough to go an unknown and unfamiliar route.
Thank you for this analysis. I will now purchase or borrow the book to read and explore. The late author m, John E Bradshaw (Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child), quotes her quite a bit in his works.
I'm surprised you don't note the obvious negative impact on men of suppressed emotion. Just as women are encouraged never to show anger, men are encouraged to never show sadness or weakness. And this leads to the dramatically higher suicide rate for men compared to women. I don't know about the UK, but in the USA, men are almost four times as likely to commit suicide. This mainly came from traditional gender roles, but contemporary social justice attitudes have only further reinforced this situation, as men are coded as privileged, expressions of grief and sharing about ways they have been victimized are often taken as illegitimate and ignored.
Let me weigh in on what I think of all of this, as perhaps I bring a completely unique perspective to the situation - coming from a culture of 1, not having anyone to talk to for 40 years and counting, and having taken full advantage of the solo time to work on my rational mind first and then to do some extremely deep research and problem solving. You can never get the best answers unless you ask the best questions first. In a functional community, you would have no issues trusting any other adult within the community with your child because that's just how a functional community works - you all believe the same core values and everyone is mentally stable. The dysfunction comes when the children are isolated from other adults and their work. This should never have happened because it's the best form of teaching to learn from those who are proficient without any fear of safety for the child. But this has the great secondary effect of holding the parents accountable for their actions. It's not so easy to harm your own damn children when your secrecy cult family is found out by other adults and when your child has trusting relationship with other adults outside of the wackjob family. There is no doubt in my mind that the most stable and interesting groups in human history had this dynamic within their communities. When families started isolating out of changing social structure and schooling - that's when this secret psychopathy started. This isn't to say there should be no teachers, no, on the contrary, after reading and writing, there should be teachers for children on how to detect untrustworthy vs trustworthy people, and some sort of introduction to questioning and logic.
Alice miller detailed the crimes of parents towards their children. Her damming observations on the average Mother and the conditionality of Mothers love towards their child is why society and modern feminism has conveniently overlooked Millers important insights.
is femail psychology more empathetic, expresed as agreeability., its better to be let in the cave even if you dont want to sleep next to some individuals. mens anger response helps a lone hunter fight for his life. does ones endogenous neropharmacalogical response indicate direction of psychology? to collaborate or compete? i love yoour disection and communication. thank you.
Insightful analysis and much appreciated. My preference is for the presentation to be exclusively about the book, and to exclude current events that have agendas beyond our comprehension. It’s best to stick with the book review only. My opinion, obviously. No offense intended. I’m in the state of Liberation, according to Alice’s book. Thank you for your excellent video.
Ok but have you read the TRUE drama of the gifted child? If not you know nothing it’s like seeing one perspective, the one you WANT to see, and ignoring the other.
You had me until your comments on anger being the acceptable property if you will, of men and not women. Boys are not allowed to express anger at all and any notion that anger is acceptable in boys or men is absurd. This being said, Miller’s writing on anger being a signal emotion as the Ted speaker mentioned, is spot on and that idea was very striking to me. I just finished one of Miller’s books yesterday and then found your video. Thank you for making it. I’m looking forward to see what else you’ve made.
Hey, thanks for your kind words. It can be tricky when gendering traits for sure. I’m only speaking from my personal experience as a woman. And of course, men like yourself will have their own personal take on things. So thank you for sharing your views. But if you look back in time at literature and history, more often than not men are rewarded for being aggressive and women punished. That being said, it’s such a tricky subject it would take hours to unpack, because both women and men are victim’s to society’s expectations of traditional male and female roles. Great discussing this with you! 🙂
Film: Who´s afraid of Alice Miller. Switzerland 2020, directed &written by Daniel Howald, starring: Martin Miller, Irenka Taurek, Cornelia Kazis, .... Book: Martin Miller: "Das wahre Drama des begabten Kindes": Die Tragödie Alice Millers. 2016. English edition: The true "Drama of the gifted child": The Phantom Alice Miller - The real person. 2018. Martin Miller is the son of Alice Miller.
Yeah, it seems men are being held more accountable for their anger. And there are more consequences for men and their anger today. Thanks for commenting!
Hmmm... I wonder how one could distinguish systemic racism from mere traditional values. Jung's notions on Anima and Animus, both light and dark, provide guidance about suppression of anger, especially see how the female principle turns hostile and bitter if there is insufficient self-awareness. According to Alice's son, Martin Miller, a therapist himself, her private life and childrearing practices were not consistent with her theory. She was abusive.
Apparently so. 😢 I can only hope that later in life, she deeply regretted the way she treated her children and was trying to somehow “right a wrong” through her work.
@@GabriellaTavini Her son gave an interesting little interview on YT and discussed that very issue. I was very positively influenced by her, so I was disappointed to hear her son say that she was vindictive to the end.
@@GabriellaTavini Her accepts much of her thinking and has built on it. He says also that he departs from her thinking in some ways. You might be interested in his development of her ideas. By the way, I learned something important while reading The Drama of the Gifted Child. At the time I was going through profound grief. Her descriptions of psychological dynamics brought up personal memories of the very traumas she was describing and which I recognized as central to my development. Today, even after recalling those traumas, years later I cannot even recall what they were. I think it is a case of state-dependent recall. If the pertinent emotional state is made manifest, then the memories may be experienced. Without that state being present, no recall is possible.
@@SBCBears sorry to hear you were going through deep grief. The Drama of the Gifted Child also triggered a lot in me, but thankfully I had a support network who I shared my feelings with. I hope you’ve found some solace somewhere.
Great question! All these ideas/personality types are in Miller’s work, but I’ve put them into my own words. 🙂 hope that helps. Thanks for stopping by.
Patriarch! Girl you need to understand the difference between the UK and world systems you live within. Patriarch is not the reason why we are in a habitual system in unending system of trauma! You need to read much more before you start teaching poor information….
