*wholesome* gay dating is absolutely dead 

I just wanted to say, THANK YOU ALL for the love on this video! 🥹 before posting it I felt so alone in my thoughts, I’m so grateful to hear others can relate to me! These conversations are SO IMPORTANT TOO. I love seeing you guys chat it up in the comments and I’m chiming in when I can. THANK YOU ALL AGAIN, so much love for all of you, xoxo

THough I am someone in a loving relationship and have been in another loving relationship prior. I will tell you that " *wholesome* gay dating is absolutely dead. " Rather, it was never alive, the ideal, romantic encounters are quite, extremely rare but it exists. I live in France and it was hellish.

I'm literally on dating apps. All these guys swipe right on me then I swipe back and no one texts me unless I say something and when I do they're either bland or suddenly they're not interested anymore. Like if you're going to swipe on me first please say something.

My personal issue as a gay black hopeless romantic: 1: Im not aesthetically pleasing because i am a bigger guy but i know im cute im the face 2: i actually do shoot my shot sometimes but i always get responses like “thank you bro appreciate it” (and nothing else) or if its at a workplay or 3rd space its “oh yeah im not gay or attracted to men” (even though half the time i can tell they are just saying that because they are not interested and dont want to say it) 3: Same issue as you with the city in terms of the openly gay dating pool its small and most of them are not looking for a serious monogamous long term relationship etc. it’s also alot of dl men with wifes or kids and some are attracted to men but are afraid to explore that side of themselves for plenty of reason even if they are already grown

It’s extremely difficult because app culture has ruined any chance of us progressing socially. Straight people have the advantage of numbers and being able to call any space their own, but we don’t have any third spaces that don’t involve hookup culture, which is crucial in the development of substantial friendships and relationships. We don’t even try to endorse the ones that do exist that aren’t clubbing atmospheres, let alone create new ones because everyone is trapped in the endless cycle of looking for substance over the internet. At this point it’s so bad that the only way we could actually move forward is to get rid of the apps, in lieu of real life spaces that bring gay people together on mutual interests rather than just alcohol and hookups. It’s unlikely that will ever happen though.

This is so real! As a gay black man with locs, I feel so “niche” when it comes to dating. I’m really focusing on developing my own self-confidence and allowing whatever is meant for me come to me. I haven’t given up on love per se but I hold my mental, physical, and spiritual health in high value than wasting it away on apps

The #1 problem with relationships in general is selfishness. Too many people won’t do things they don’t want to do for their partners. Not talking about sex. Talking about simple stuff like fun activities. If you can’t go to a certain concert because your partner wants to even though it’s not your favorite, you’re the problem. Relationships are give and take, and you need to be flexible and find a partner that’s flexible

Im straight but its interesting to hear your perspective. I think in general, men tend to more prone to sexual relationships rather than romantic ones. This is a generality, i definitely dont fall into that category myself. But i can imagine that you, as a gay man, are probably going to have a hard time finding someone who is looking for s long term and committed relationship. You seem like a nice man though, you look like you take good care of your skin and hair. Maybe you can try the dating apps and really specify you dont want to have sex immediately. That you want something romantic. It wont work perfectly but it wouldn't hurt.

I was dating a guy, as a gay guy, and he said that we were not open, he called me his husband, and gave all these other indicators that we were good together. We had similar families, work histories, and interests. We could talk for hours. That was until I caught him cheating on me. I they learned that he was married, so instead of cheating on me, he was cheating with me. He acted like I was the weird one when I was upset and betrayed. I've been learning from other people in this area that that is how it is. If you live in Miami, good luck. They don't want serious relationships. I'm from the rural South, so I guess that's why I'm more traditional in that regard. Unfortunately, we just have to weed through a lot more low value crap than certain other people, but I promise that we will find people who match our intellect, morals, and relationship goals. God bless

As a trans male, gay, living in a small homophobic city, monogamous (wanting marriage)… there’s no much hope 😭

As a bisexual South Asian man (21) who's never even tried dating yet, from what I've heard it is possible but just more complicated; forget the apps and bars, which I just know will only be self-hatred waiting to happen for me since we Desis are extremely hairy, are either otters or bears in terms of body type and have our beards grow back like five seconds after we shave them- and 100 other reasons, a big one for me being bisexual erasure. Basically, I hear you have to find several non-LGBTQ-related social groups based on your interests/career/etc. that regularly meet in person, initially with the intention of making friends. And then, in a city as big and accepting as mine, odds are you're bound to come across other queer folk at some point in at least one- and if you feel attracted to one then let them see the real you and work from there; my younger brother has been officially, monogamously dating a transgender person for months and I suspect that this method is how he met his personfriend and his many LGBTQ friends; perhaps I could ask him how he did it. (The simple fact that he's already on his third lover at 18 in and of itself is already encouraging, since he has very similar hobbies and almost the exact same voice and facial features as me to the point that when we were kids people who knew us both would mix up our names; if he can do it then that's good enough for me.) I will try my best, and try not to give up; sometimes things just work out, even when it looks like they won't. "Wholesome" relationships in and of themselves are already very rare no matter where your interests lie, you just need to keep searching and you'll find them. I luckily live in Seattle (a large enough city that there's bound to be at least two of every type of person) which is extremely accepting and its gay/bi community- which, from what I've seen of it as of right now- appears to be rather diverse.

Dating apps can go to hell, especially gay ones I was able to find my bf when I stopped looking for a relationship online. I started looking for friends instead, lmao. At least one gay dude with similar interests will be normal, so just fuck em creeps and go with a flow. The first thing for me was how organically our introductions and first time chatting felt. Seek good vibes and have fun ✌️

I was wholesome up until I was 22. Then I got groomed into a polycule because I fell in love with one guy; I said no. But they roped me in anyway tricking me to meet and have multiple sexual partners. Eventually I got out of it but after that I was completely unable to be monogamous after that. Anytime I've tried since then I fall out of love being monogamous and have to tell that person they're not enough alone. It's like they corrupted my brain lol. That or I just haven't found my person yet.. but it gets faster and faster that I fall out of the honeymoon.. last time it only lasted a week. Looking grim boys.

That's why I constantly thinking that it's very much possible for me to reach my 30's without never dating someone

rlly nice to see this topic touched on. I'm in my mid-20s and never been in a relationship either for this exact same reason. Most times it just feels beyond hopeless finding a decent loving romantic guy out here in 2024 like its CRAZY how difficult it is. V soothing voice also btw xxx

I agree. Especially in America, we arent even top 20 of countries in terms of gay acceptance and wholesomeness 🙄 I just now am updating my apps for something one off you know, i dont think I'd ever try to find a relationship on an app or online. Its always labels, labels, labels and ones that dont describe myself. Its frustrating, not to mention i live in a super small town and hours away from larger areas. The best guys have always been ones i met in person, but we start as friends because i like to have a long lasting friendship before romantic. My therapist thinks im wanting a nice guy to fall from the sky, and yes if i have to be that delusional to find something great i will. I just want to be a natural encounter. And yes, ill be a little delusional to be happy. And i will never let myself lose hope I got emotional a little. I was into this guy in highschool who was definitely bisexual, and its been years since but i still cant let go. Ive been through hell. I want people to know that theres acceptance now. Weve come so far! So lets go out and shoot our shot like straights, i mean be confident. We can change our culture by exposing it to the world, then it can become bigger. I hope everyone reading this gets their happiness, everyone deserves that.

You’re absolutely right, and yo I’m actually really happy you’re using your voice for this. I’ve been in a really bad relationship when I was 19-20 and it put me off it for the foreseeable future honestly. I’m 23 now. I totally relate

I'm 29 never been in a relationship, just had a few hook ups. I fully gave up❤

idt it was ever more wholesome than it is currently, considering how many of us can even identify as queer upfront and even plan a romantic future overseas! but i do think the current state of dating is a reflection of outside pressures/experiences/traumas, even. and it is bleak out there in the world rn. we gotta try to be kind to ourselves, and others

Lol I gave up at 22yrs old. Im 30yrs old now 😅 nothings changed at all. I think the newer gays will have a better chance at dating and love. They didn't have to grow up in a society that casually talked about them buring in hell, being confused, or being stoned to death in multiple countries. When you're not allowed to explore attraction, affection, dating, or sexuality until adulthood... there will be negative effects and trauma. We didnt get to talk to our parents about our crushes, going on first dates, safety, etc etc. We had gay p**n and shame until adulthood 😅

I relate so much and I think it's so sad!!! I've only ever been in one relationship that came to a halt fairly quickly - it lasted for about 10 months and I was with a person who was an emotional wreck which is a killer for a hopeless romantic like me! It was a long distance relationship, too, which was awful. We broke up over 2.5 years ago and every dating experience I've had before AND after said relationship was an absolute mess as well. Last year, I dated someone for about 4 months (2 of which were emotional torture) and it left me absolutely heartbroken still to this day. Since then, I haven't mustered up the courage to date again. I'm also not really someone who has a lot of courage approaching guys. I tried it a couple times and burned myself pretty bad. One time I talked to a guy I really liked at a beach party - we knew each other from dance class. We talked and talked and after a while he said "I'm gonna get something to drink, I'll be back in a sec" and left me sitting on a bench for at least an hour and then it clicked. I felt so humiliated. It doesn't really help that 99.9% of my friends are in loving, long-term-relationships, moved in together, engaged, married or pregnant. I've never ever been even close to that and I'm in my late 20s. On top of that, so incredibly many gay guys have this masc for masc thing going on and it drives me absolutely crazy!!! It's not only the toxic masculinity but also internal homophobia and often times even misogyny - combine all those things with testosterone and you've got yourself a literal monster of a human and this is the dating pool we're swimming in?! Idk... Sorry for being so negative, I guess I'm pretty frustrated atm. Thank you for opening up this space!! 💘 I also love what you said about being a little delusional but happy :)

Ever since I came out, I had thought the gay community had an issue with an over sexualization and romanticism for young characteristics, so I pushed hard to maintain my image, I went to Grindr at 18 and kept to finding a relationship and did! Overall if you’re older the community tosses you to the side, the issue is aging in the gay community is awful, at a certain age, as sad as it sounds you’re just not going to get a relationship, as sad as it sounds, that’s the culture we have.

I've just kinda given up on getting into a relationship since i came out as a trans guy. Almost nobody knows i'm also gay because i don't think it matters to my family or friends. Just being trans already puts me in a dificut situation in almost every aspect of my life. I'm still a teenager so dating apps or going out to queers events (which are rare where i live) is not an option for me. I don't feel like i need a lover but goddamit wouldn't it be nice, specially being surrounded by classmates who go around talking about their love lives 24/7 and kissing in thw hallways. It makes me feel like i'm just undesirable, which maybe i am considering i'm a sensitive person and i'm also currently dealing with some stuff. But i know i'm cute and i know i deserve to be cared for anf loved just as i want to love and care for someone else. Guess i'll just have to wait and try to not get my hopes too high or too low, like, to keep it in the middle.

I see this complaint constantly, and maybe I'm just lucky, and who knows where life will take you and your partner, but it's not impossible to find a guy you date well enough to be your boyrriend. The mistake I see young gay males think a good first date equates to a relationship. Absolutely not. That's like trying on an outfit, walking out of the store & not paying it, and then complaining the outfit doesn't fit or complement you. 1. Try to save sex until things become official. Lots of guys will want to have sex with you and then you don't hear back from then. 2. If they are straight, keep things moving along. He is not into because he is a straight man. 3. Try to limit swipes/apps. Dating apps can be addictive and constantly getting bombarded with notifications can give you a lack of regulation and heightened anxiety. Also, please have a life. 4. A relationship won't fix your problems. You're lonely? Sometimes, your boyfriend might have to travel to see friends or family and you're alone. You're bored? You and your bf will be bored at times. I love my boyfriend, but he enhances/compliments my life-- he is not the reason I am alive or my missing piece because I myself was incomplete.

When men stop being on grindr and meet people irl without just the expectations of sex, things will fall in place for sure

I haven’t been in a relationship myself but a few weeks ago this guy actually asked me out at an insomnia of all places. We ended up going on a date and it didn’t end up working out but I’m still grateful I got to experience it. Mind you I live in Alabama so it can happen! Dont lose hope!

OMG someone who finally understands me

when i was 16 i was hoping for romance. we kissed only after 2 months. i was so in love. im almost 24 now and most of my relationships are short-lived, long distance, open. my monogamous relationships failed. ive learned to be able to kiss and fuck without even being attracted to the person. and im also a gay trans man - im scared of approaching cis men, i expect rejection and even disgust. violence even. and then it became illegal to be lgbt in my country??? i guess im stuck with exchanging dick pics with dudes across the ocean for the rest of my life. my love llife is doomed

Gay bars are the same. It’s just grindr in person.

I would love a wholesome relationship and since I really struggle to find other queer men in my area I don't care anymore where they are located, just please exist ):

I just moved to L.A. and I've had a lot of similar frustrations with dating men. I can relate to your experience with being fully confident in yourself and secure in what you bring to other people but somehow unable to find people who match that energy. I've personally decentered the idea that I am looking for a "relationship" and I'm still having these problems. I approach all new people I meet knowing that I am a complete person, and I am just looking to invite cool people into my life without putting any expectations on them. It seems like my energy is out of place here unfortunately. A lot of guys are looking for someone to be romantically obsessed with them, but I just know that isn't sustainable for real relationships.

i think people like definitions. what do you want to be in a relationship about? cause very few people are interested in just 'being around' another person for no other reason than 'i think they are pretty'...that gets old very quick, the relationship HAS TO BE based on a long term scope and since we are gay men, the scope cannot be assumed and, for most of us, we cant copy our parents

Dating as a person of color in this community has been difficult. It’s easy to fall into the trap of equating desirability/acceptance in the dating world to self worth especially, since it is a community around sexuality, and build desperation. For a time I could not shake the feeling that for the amount of sacrifices necessary to live in a gay body, it’s confusing that family and love (two common universal values) are more difficult to find. Overtime, I found that learning to pour energy into something that sustains you, other than dating, can be encouraging. My take is: If gay dating is a heartache, take as long as a break as you need. It’s not worth compromising on your deeply held value, nor is it worth affecting the way you view yourself.

One of my biggest issues is constantly being fetishized sexually by gay guys for my race. I never really felt like I had a true connection with someone, I just fulfilled their “fantasy”…

It was never alive. It may not seem like it, but it's a blessing. The best you can do is learn yes and no, go to therapy, remind yourself everyday that movies and tv are not real, let your experiences reveal the fantasies that you told yourself so that you can cleave them from your mind. Don't waste your time running around after no man. Let your problems be your problems and focus on those! That chase is just a rush for some extra baggage that is not even necessary.

I couldn't agree more. I am a 55 yr old gay black man and I stopped dating YEARS ago because it was so superficial and meaningless. It's all about putting you in a box or a certain category that satisfies someone else's kink, in other words...SEX. It's perverse and unhealthy to base one's entire existence on sexuality. Our community is just empty and devoid of any real and sincere connection. Why can't gay's just be real and vulnerable? I've never been big on dating, honestly, but now I am flat out against it. I finally realized that I needed to be happy and fulfilled on my own so that's what I pursued and I'm glad I did. The only idea I have is for every individual to examine themselves and do the work they need to do to become a whole fully developed authentic human. Only then can you even think about building a fulfilling and meaningful relationship with someone else. That said, it's not just us. I think ALL of American society is broken and I too have considered retiring to another country for a better more fulfilling life. We'll see...

I can't find it either. And I agree there are too many expectations not to mention ableism in my experience as a disabled gay man.

Oh my god you're my age and you're literally me. I gave up on love a while ago too. Grindr is a mess. It's a mess. It's bad. I don't really know what the endgoal even is to be honest.

My personal opinion is to just look for love in general. Honestly dating is too tricky to just stick to 1 gender. I’m straight but on dating apps I always include women too just incase I find my perfect match in them. I understand sexuality is a spectrum and I’m not turned off (or on tbf) by the idea of dating another woman. I think just keep searching and you’ll find the person for you somehow, because I’m sure there’s plenty of gay men and straight women who feel the same way you do about finding relationships in hookup culture.

i can relate tbh. It seems that as a gay person, there are significant barriers to meeting other gay people. Though, i think it’s the lens of gayness that is inherently eurocentric and heterosexual. That’s why I think I started calling myself ‘queer’, because i don’t think the label of ‘gay’ represents me anymore. Furthermore, it probably has a lot to do with how we were loved as children and how love was portrayed to us. I think that’s why I’ve detached the same way you have. I think that’s why everything we’re all looking for, most of it can be found within. Community is vital for growth, though, but I find that I seek external validation less when I give myself the space to be whatever I want. Idk if this made sense, but hope you can take something away from my word vomit haha. ✨

Omg I'm about turn 20 this month and I have the similar problems as you😢 (Black, gay, romantic). Its so hard out here. I think because I present a little masculine (just a lil) people always second guess if I'm gay. We need more Black gay rep😭

Thank you for the warm heart share. I will share what I did and what I have developed in regards to relationships. It may be very out of the box but I realize ALL of the dating ideas, advice and practices are centered on LOOKING rather than attracting. Think of it like a magnet, 🧲 the weight of it pulls on the outside. The weight of our desire has to be that strong and we amplify that by actual practices we do by ourselves alone, inside our minds. Most of us are out there looking and we feel empty inside which means there isn’t any weight to pull anything. Or the weight of our misery only attracts more misery. The practice of being full, removing fears doubts and beliefs that don’t align with the image that will attract what you want. None of this is an overnight thing but I will say PRACTICES that begin internal have to be instituted and learnt for gay men bc simply going outside to look amongst men who are just as lost isn’t working for most. Inner work precedes outer work. There are those who choose and those who choose back. These are the two energetic sides (interaction). May need to open up a gay 101 bc I swear if gay men don’t learn this it will continue to be extremely difficult for them to navigate and find matches.

the gay community does need to pick it up off the floor coming from the pov of a wholesome relationship which ARE out there waiting for you!!!

You are cute and yea take those stickers off. I will say don’t let your first relationship make you a bitter bit*h. Trust me: it’s going to hurt but you’ll be okay.

The only “bad” one is DL men, masc for masc is a reasonable preference someone’s entitled to so long as they’re not being a-holes to people who don’t fit there standards to it, and the relevance in opinion of a open relationship only lies on those in said relationship (so a 3rd parties input on someone else’s open relationship is irrelevant)

I never really felt apart of the community because I'm so old-fashioned. I date to find a hubby. Keep your head up. I eventually found my needle in a haystack boyfriend 4 months ago, who is just like me. We don't care for all the chaos lol. Ps. Im from England originally and we are romantic. 😊

Gay dating is a numbers game. Theirs more straight guys out there than gay guys. So being picky is not your friend.

Now accepting sugar baby applications. 🤑

Okay, about approaching someone: I don't quite understand why some of my friends are scared of just go to someone and say "What's up! I think your t-shirt is hilarious! (It's a joke about Schrodinger's cat) Do you like physics?" I ended high school last year and went to uni in a city where I knew no one. I remember a girl crying in my class saying "How am I supposed to make friends?" Well, the first thing that I did when I came to that city was coming up to a group of girls with the traditional clothes for uni (idk if it's a thing in other country, people told me it's only here) and say: "Hi, I adore your clothes! Do I get to use it in the first year? Isn't it too hot with those? Do you have to wear it? Can a girl use the male traditional clothes?" Of course they found me weird. But they found it really interesting. Last week I got to dinner with them and celebrated a lovely person's birthday. Dude, I was going home and I saw that the hairdresser next to my house had a snake. So what I did was: I stood by the door and I asked "What's the snake's name?" it was called Dorito "And what's your name?" on which he took the opportunity to say "Thank you for asking the other animal's name" I liked him. He told me I was nice, he just was defensive at first because of my approach. I totally get it. Sometimes (which are most of them) you are not in the mood to be bombarded with questions, even if they are interesting and kind. But one thing I know: if I am kind towards people and show them respect and gratefulness for even the slightest thing (like not being rude, or, if they're rude, for not harming me physically) I know that I have nothing to fear. Almost nothing (I only know I know nothing hahaha). This I believe, taken in the context of dating, must be a really good trait to have. I am not looking for a relationship, so I do not face the main problem which you addressed, Matthew, but I thought sharing this would be helpful, or, if not, interesting, or maybe rather weird; but I thought it would be something someone would stop to think about for a moment. So my philosophy truly aligns with the solution you presented, Matthew, but I do, besides my experience, have something to add. It is not positive. Hum... this is a though based on more of my philosophy than yours, but... when a person is truly kind and noble, what most people do is doubt and actually be scared. There is a quote by one of my favorite authors which goes something like "Society won't fall apart because of too much altruism. We don't need to fear that." Society is not prepared for kindness. Yet. That's the magical key word. On an ending note, I thought I would just say to you, Matthew: it's the first video I've seen of you and I have to admit how I admire your calm ways of speaking and your way of expressing your queerness. It is interesting that I was thinking about it while the video was playing and then I came to the part where you said you don't seem gay, but certainly fruity. Call it whatever you wanna call, I think your voice shows gentleness and intelligence, such as your body language. Please keep being like that. Take care, Matthew. And take care, everyone!

"The problem is that many gay men don't take the initiative on dating apps. They tend to just talk without actually making a move to ask the person they're chatting with out on a date. Also, our standards are often too high-we need to remember that we're all human, with flaws in both our appearance and bodies." Also lets not rely on the dating apps there are others ways to put yourself out there!

This is such a good video, i live in tampa bay where been gay is really open and there clubs everywhere and we have a big pride parade. When it comes to dating i think for me is for i got really high standards for a person and im myself rather unique person. I had relationship but after my 3rd i decided to just work on me and be happy with myself. To be frank dating apps feel like a rating system to me but if i find similarly and interest in it, i tend to be the 1st to say something about it~

0:52 fire alarm battery low or am I crazy

Awww, you are cute. I’m so sorry sweetheart! I’m a straight female and follow Asian gay male couples here on YT because they can’t publicly/openly show their love without a lot of discrimination, and there is no anti-discrimination laws in place in those countries (exceptions of course in certain Asian countries). I actually found them because I discovered BLs and started watching those. Now, I’d rather watch real couples instead of the BLs. So many are in long term relationships and are in general very cute, loving, and some show how they are physically affectionate towards each other. I like following them and supporting them, giving them validation that even their families cannot. I mention them because one gay Asian man who lives in the UK has a video that explains the difference between western and Asian gays. In one word he described western gay men …. a lot of them are …. promiscuous. In places like Korea, if you are a promiscuous gay you are called out, called names like dirty by those in their own community. While there is nothing wrong with being promiscuous if that’s how you like it, I can imagine it’s tough for sweet guys like you who want an actual love connection and not just mindless sexual encounters. I’m kind of in a similar boat dealing with straight men. But, I’m no longer attracted to them in that my physical attraction to them is smashed by how turned off I am by them psychologically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Thus, I’m a single at heart gal. Romantic love is something I like to observe, but not participate in because it’s like playing the lottery. The risk is too high. So, I’m happy being single, enjoying my life. ❤

Online dating exists but it's not through dating apps. Meetings are not special on there. I met my bf on discord by accident, we are weird gay furries together but it's what I wanted ^w^ be weird be you!

I think it's a complex issue. When I was your age and coming up guys met each other in bars and clubs and there was a lot of cruising going on on the street. Being gay was like belong to a secret society (which had its pros and cons). Nowadays, people select and reject potential partners based on online profiles and pictures. Everything is one step removed, one step more distant and less personal. Less real. I reckon for every potential hook up, most people experience 99 automatic rejections. People are also pickier and think something better is just around the corner, Meeting through apps brings with it so many expectations which can bring a lot of pressure to the situation. Also, I think guys are much harsher and more brutal in the way they reject each other these days which can be hurtful and discouraging when you are on the receiving end of it. There is also the question of whether monogamy is a realistic expectation for gay men. Personally, I think it is a heteronormative standard that doesn't necessarily come naturally to gay men. Thanks for your thoughtful video. I'm not sure things are any better in Europe. I live in Spain but spent many years living in NY. I don't see a lot of difference.

I already knew you were correct correct correct before I even clicked on your video

A Gay man always supports another Gay man 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🧿🧿🧿✝️✝️✝️🌠🌠🌠

I'm so sorry to say it's not any better anywhere else

kinda crazy to put open relationships on par with dl men and masc for mascs

Yeah I don’t know what to do abt it. I’m in university and it feels impossible to date as a gay person

This is so relatable I’m 20 and I’ve also never been in a relationship 😂

one aspect to this whole issue I think people overlook too often is the pandemic. people became very reclusive and ppl were stuck at home (possibly with homophobic families), making it so much more difficult for single queer ppl to put themselves out there, especially gen z. covid really delayed my learning how to have self respect when dating, assert my standards and effectively communicate, let alone have the courage to enter into gay spaces with confidence. i could go on forever about this but wanted to contribute to the convo. 💚

I find this video very interesting, I have a few straight friends who have similar issues so I'm wondering if just dating in general is in a terrible state right now...?

Tbh when HAS gay dating ever been wholesome.... The UK dating scene is non existent.... Don't even know why we got dating Apps.... .... 👍❤️🇬🇧.... Your one will come... Make sure yous ready when he does 👍❤️

It seem also to be related to whether men are permitted to develop empathy and other traits that some culture consider feminine,the traits like openly communicating emotional needs, emotional awareness etc. Traits needed for a monogamous and lasting relationship Dating guys from varying culture,men with cultures and backgrounds that allow them to develop higher emotional intelligence are able to be in more monogamous relationship.

I am sure love is out there waiting for you, I hope you can find your soul mate and be happy forever 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🧿🧿🧿✝️✝️✝️

These apps definitely make things even crazier and overwhelming!! We don’t need to settle!! 💯👏💯

You’re relatable but try not to smack your table. Some of us listen with headphones on.

personally, i will keep on living by the motto, pessimism = realism. but that’s just me, if that’s not gonna work for you, please ignore me.

I'm 32, live in a big city, separated from my husband a little over a year ago. Tried the apps again and found it more hellish than ever. That said, the key to happiness will *always* lie within. Don't wait on someone else to make you happy. You can get all the way to married and it may still not work out. Of course shoot your shots, but ultimately you have to make yourself happy.

I’m about to be 20 and I hope I get to the point where I don’t focus on love this shit is tiring 😂😂 Also not you being an Aquarius too 🫶🏽

Everything in western culture (= capitalist societies) has been warped into transactional consumerism. Including relationships and expectations. Ask straight men as well, they complain about expectations from the women they date. Ask women. Apps make it so much harder, because they immediately flip the user from seeking human connection into a shopping mentality. Bars and clubs, while enabling in-person contact can also just carry on the same kind of shopping as searching on line. Best advice I know, whatever your sexuality, is to join groups, courses, events that are focused on stuff you like, and that meet up in person. At least you improve your odds of meeting kindred people there. Obviously, the more you have in common with that group, the better your chances. For instance a hiking group if you're into that, could be cool; a gay 20-somethings hiking group....so much the better. You are still pretty young. Lots of life awaits. 🤗

5:39 this was so real

we in the sameeeeeee boat sista

Anyone from Spain (Madrid) triying to find some wholesome retalionship? Te lo juro no será por homosexuales en Madrid pero estaría bien encontrar a alguno que quisiera tomarse su tiempoooo conocer de verdad a la otra persona sin que sea todo un tema superficial (no porque sea feo). Si sí pues escribe en este comentario y a ver si hablamos jajajajaja (estoy en la uni)

hope you find your guy!!

Very true That’s why I stay single, every time I go on an app, they always asking for bbc, the fetish is weird

When was it ever alive?

You’ll find someone in the states I bet 🙂

Y’all need to stop dating on the internet.

….When was it ever alive?

But im sorry to say i think most gay apps are terrible in all the places 🥲😂 been in Australia, Netherlands 😂 oh and europeans arent all romantic 😂

Yes, it is.

I really don't understand what utility monogamy serves for us as gay men. We don't have to secure biological bloodlines like the heteros. We don't have to be possessive over our partners. We don't have to have the ridiculous standards we have. I'm not trash for granting myself, and my partner, the autonomy to freely love whomever we wish. In fact, i think it's unhealthy to expect one other person to meet all your emotional needs (Platonic, romantic, erotic, etc). I'm sorry you and the other commentators are lonely or disillusioned by the state of gay men today. However, treating poly, open, and/or DL men like they are the source of the problem is a red herring to bigger issues going on socially today. Namely, people are not spending enough time with each other in general! We work too much, and spend too much time on isolated activities. The communities we reside within no longer have the connections they used to because we are all perpetually online. It all ties back to how capitalism has molded America, and how it impacts our priorities!

lol ur saying this as someone who’s never got into a relationship. Wait til you get into a few, and you’ll know not only is it dead, but it’s a LIEEEEE

i agree 😭

I dont know why im gay.

Love your T-shirt 💯😍but I think you should wear a cute necklace and bracelets to really make that shirt pop 😜

😢realdead

Lmao I understand your feeling but yoùre 20 years old it’s a little to early to be over it

watch decentring men content by women i swear i don't give jackshit about dating anymore lol , also not entertaining DL is so real I'm tired of hoe rewarding their behavior like WE ARE TIRED

It’s the US cities that are fucked up I swear

Petition to make a country for gay people ✍️

Women have been saying for centuries that men ain't 💩 in terms of dating. I never understood how gay men are just now coming to this realization. Just because you're gay or view yourself as a "fusion" of genders doesn't mean the problems of dating biological men disappears. You're not a new species or anything. You're still men dating other men, which means the men you date probably won't be 💩 either 😂

Gay

Psst just transition into a woman guys you'll find a man alot easier 😉