I have done CBT, ACT, DBT along with years of therapy and I have never heard a simpler explanation for the punishment I am doing to myself by avoiding and suppressing my negative emotions. Explains why I cannot feel joy or gratitude. Growing up I was told I was too sensitive and to 'buck it up' and get on with life. No one showed me how to handle major emotions in a healthy way. I am now learning, albeit slowly, in my 60's. Thank you.
I am happy you are learning to cope. I hope it does not take me that long. I am 38. I have OCD and major depression. Plus, slight Aspergers. A lot of my OCD and depression are connected to existential issues/fixations. Including the future and getting older. Do you understand what I mean? I have started an OCD/depression video blog. I would love comments/feedback as to whether anyone can relate or not. Plus, I want to reach out to others. If/when you have time, please check it out.
I have been depressed for a long time, but after taking mushrooms few months ago, l feel much happier and highly motivated and my ADHD gone , lost a ton of anxiousness and had a few epiphanies about how I should live my life. I decided to buy an ounce for backup, but haven’t yet felt the need to take any more since then.
This is eye opening. I don't feel joy, I used to, then I lost my parents and found out my husband cheated before our marriage and my joy just left. I no longer want to live because death is inevitable so why bother being happy. All of this self protection against hurt... This is eye opening. I want to feel joy again
Teri I know how you feel. I too plead for God to please take home with him. I have gone through episodes of anxiety and depression since I was 17 years old. It started with a panic attack and then the anxiety depression. I don't know if this anything like you are going througj. I imagine we all different but are the same. Just know that there is some some one is praying for. God bless you.
@@phylliswardwell7479 dear let's pray for each other's mental well being...i feel like i am just lost in my own mind.. ...feeling anxious and overanalyzing every negative aspect of it...i also had a panic attack once after which things turned differently....hope we all get better and feel better soon.....♥️♥️♥️♥️
@@phylliswardwell7479 Your breath is directly related to your mind [brain] causing anxiety-stress. For a relaxed life sit on a chair, back erect, hands on lap with palms upwards, eyes closed, be still and observe your natural incoming--outgoing breath and body sensations for around 10-15 minutes. Be as still as possible. Many thoughts will come which is ok--slowly negative thoughts will reduce and your mind will relax. During your daily activity keep observing your breath consciously. Best part is mood swings also reduce. Do the above meditation daily to feel relaxed. For more transformation enter the following on google search and listen with headphones before sleep and if possible in the morning-52Hz affirmations for health and healing you tube”. Best wishes. Shyaaam Sir. -Counsellor.
fight or flight can become embedded in the psyche under prolonged periods of stress. if the mind doest recover from shock fast enough it is an imprinted reaction to further real or imagined threats PTSD is a natural function disfunctioning. as @Taureanswarrior counsellor said you have to feel pain to feel love, disappointment to enjoy success. when it becomes engrained under unnatural pressures all you want to feel is numb.
You were reluctant in labeling emotions, positive and negative, because even 'negative' emotions serve some purposes and are worth looking into! So true!! How about using comfortable and uncomfortable feelings??
I just found this because I am feeling defeated by depression. I have felt like I am drowning and not getting any air for over a year. People ask me all the time tell me what makes you happy and I always laugh and say I can't remember. I have been in therapy for over a year my dr made me change because he didn't think I was getting help. But I feel like this therapist is just a person that checks to see if I am still alive and goes about her buisness. I literally started crying when you said that about not knowing what makes you happy. I have never heard of avoidance. Thank you ❤
Hi, try microdosing. I’ve microdosed mushrooms for about 3 years now and i have been worrying less. I’d recommend it for anyone, look up psilo_shrooms on Instagram.Their product helped me fight anxiety and depression. You can thank me later...
Wow, I feel like you made that video just for me to be watched today, when I feel I need it most! I felt like your client was my alter-ego (I even have a social work background!)- it resonated with me to the core. Ha, Brene Brown- thought of her when you were talking about numbing emotions, so it was great to then see that you've drawn from her work (I'm obsessed with her work too!). I'm extremely grateful for your channel and the work that you've been doing- thank you :)
Such a GREAT analogy and I can totally relate! Sorry this comment is coming 2 years later, but I am a new subscriber, so I am kind of behind on your videos. What hit me about your client's story is that you helped him find what caused him to shut down or start avoiding in the first place. That moment when he started working on the project and the guy took over didn't pay attention to him anymore and he felt hurt. So that was what made him start avoiding. So, if he started to forgive the guy, then his capacity for joy and everything else would grow again. That story really related to me and I need to start letting myself grow in my capacity for joy. THANK YOU!
The analogy using the piece of paper was amazing! It has opened my eyes to what I have been doing when I avoid. I going to use the paper example when I want to avoid life. Thank you so much for sharing. I’ve subscribed.
What an amazing visual way to understand how avoidance leads to more depression and that that connection goes even deeper than just avoidance leading to greater anxiety!
What you said about finding it easier to talk about the awful bad things that have happened rather than our hopes and dreams.. that is mindblowing to me. It's so so true for me.
"because I got hurt, I stopped caring" wow. This is so helpful .. thank you! I used to be so creative and happy, then I got hurt really badly so I stopped caring and feeling like nothing I did was worth anything. I need healing.
Wow yes, so true! I actually realised this myself a few years ago and beat depression and anxiety! I also thank a plant called Kratom which literally saved my life. Much Love to all you beautiful people!
I don't know why I'm here, but i stayed because it's mind blowing! thank you for the knowledge! Strength for everyone who's passing through something like that and drink water!
It never occurred to me to write about things I enjoy and care about. It's always complaining and what's wrong with me and what I need to fix. This is brilliant.
Dear Emma, I just wanna say thank you for you videos! I found you yesterday and subscribed immediately. I love your logo as well as how you use scientific terms while explaining everything very clearly. These videos are immense help in today's mental health purgatory which we call society. There are many countries in the world that lack this sort of professional help so keep up the amazing work you're doing. Love to you!
I just wish to add that Leaning without skills to examine and process is very dangerous. It can cause regression and more avoiding and seclusion. Thank you for so much for the Skills and basic explanation that'll lead us to grow.
I think this has been proposed as a partial explanation for the numbness that people who have undergone severe trauma resulting in PTSD, for example the unresponsiveness returning combat military personnel who have witnessed or participated in violent actions may feel for family and loved ones. The range of feelings is compressed in a way that is actually a protective defense during the combat situation
I am finding emma such a help even better than my family doctor because she doesn't pass me off with pharmaceutical drugs, I am able to listen to and learn more by listening to her knowledge and advice this way i am learning to deal with my problems.
I can't thank you enough for your videos! You explain things so well that I feel like I'm getting real help. It is clear that you are doing exactly what God created you to do! I know He is so proud of you for helping so many people with the gift He gave you! Thank you for all you do ❤️
Hi Emma Wow - just wow! Your articulation of these concepts is fantastic! Thankyou for taking the time to create and post these videos! This video was so useful for me! I think I finally understand the term 'lean into the discomfort' because of the way you described feelings and non-avoidance in this video. Please keep the wisdom flowing!
I absolutely love your channel more than anything. You have no idea how much you have helped me. This video specially, I relate to everything you said. I’ve been struggling with this for so many years now, and I can finally understand what’s been happening with me and how to fight back... Thank you ❤️
Hi, try microdosing. I’ve microdosed mushrooms for about 3 years now and i have been worrying less. I’d recommend it for anyone, look up psilo_shrooms on Instagram.Their product helped me fight anxiety and depression. You can thank me later...
Every noise feels like nails scraping on a blackboard. Sudden noises shoot electric shocks down to my toes, it’s so painful. Lately, I’ve experienced the most powerful anxiety attacks where I’ve thought I was going to pass out. I don’t really feel joy anymore, anti depressants have numbed that.I’m just existing till I die. I’ve had anxiety since primary school, I’m 56 now, and so looking forward to the end, It’s so hard to keep going. My mum used to tell me when I was a child, that I was worthless, nothing, and that I was just taking up space and a waste good air. Not worth the shit on her shoes. When I saw Pauline from the league of gentlemen, I was astounded. This was my mother. I must have been a really bad child.
In my life I don’t think I’ve ever felt “real” happiness. Sure I’ve felt the momentary Dopamine hit from acquiring material possessions, but that’s fleeting. I can’t recall a time where I’ve felt genuine emotions or happiness.
Hi, try microdosing. I’ve microdosed mushrooms for about 3 years now and i have been worrying less. I’d recommend it for anyone, look up psilo_shrooms on Instagram.Their product helped me fight anxiety and depression. You can thank me later...
A few months after one of my closest friends died, I had my first hyperventilation/panic attack which became a panic disorder. Eventhough I got 'rid' of the panic attacks rather quickly, I'm stuck with chronic hyperventilation (which makes me panicky sometimes). After watching this video, would it be possible that the chronic hyperventilation is here and will remain here, because I've not been dealing with the emotions surrounding the event and even previous events? I can't remember having allowed sadness for atleast the past 10 years, although there have been plenty reasons to feel sad.
I had problem with chronic hyperventilation too for about 2 months after a traumatic event. When it stopped for me, i started getting waves of anxiety and depression. I´ve had these waves of negative feelings for about 3 months
Same here. My panic disorder is always feeling short of breathe and chest pains. Hyperventilating my mom says I don’t even notice that I’m doing it. Also chest breathing versus breathing from the diaphragm. I hate it but I’m in therapy now so it has helped a bit. I had 4 amazing great days in a row but this entire week has been hell. I even bought a pulse ox to monitor my oxygen levels and I’m at 100 or 99 percent so I know I can breathe. It’s the ocd in me. Hang in there we will get through this and you aren’t alone! Hugs and love
I had cronic hyperventilation for years (sometimes for a few months it would relax, but other times it would almost be 24h for like 6 months straight). I am a LOT better after i started taking care of myself to reduce the general anxiety and depression, did therapy and my therapist taught me to experience emotions too. Deep breathing (breathing with the belly) exercises help too.
Maybe a exercise is to face fear and see what is hard and how to build steps and work through it ....as a hidden dimension....a part of ourselves we may not cover. And how it is still a part of us.
Ed Zanjero my doctor told me I have anxiety with sometimes depression thrown in ..you have described that short sentence well in a nut shell .. very interesting thank you makes so much sense
Hi, Emma. I could use your clarity. I believe much of what hampers my joy centers on trust and control. I struggle to trust that I don't need to control every variable and outcome. All of this causes me to distrust others and pull away from making friends. If I can't control it, I avoid it because I fear unexpected outcomes. I wasn't always this way. I believe it started almost 30 years ago when I met and married my soulmate. I sometimes feel as though I can tolerate uncertainty and unexpected outcomes for myself, but my sense of responsibility to protecting my wife from this uncertainty bars me from exploring this side of myself. For example, I am willing to risk a career change, but the potential loss of income could negativrly affect her, so I won't try. How do I let go of the fear of uncertainty of outcomes affecting her? I want her to have the life she wants, so I try to control everyhing that affects her. She does NOT demand this from me, quite the opposite. This feels as though I am trying to control someone else's happiness so I can feel good about myself. How do I break free from this? Thank you.
I have been really anxious since i was a young child then the depression started in late teens ive battled all my life with both its horrible im on medication for it and it helps.
@@tobik2627 Cipralex or escitalopram but if you have anxiety, it should be combined with a medication such as Garbamazepine for the anxiety. I am not a doctor but this is what works for me. You should see a competent psychiatrist to be put on the right dosages for your particular symptoms.
It certainly appears the point about "embracing the negative emotions" is gathering considerable attention from a wider spectrum of mental health professionals. In terms of the best methods for doing it, and the efficacy involved, I have a personal experience that might be helpful. I have been using meditation as a way to reach as deeply as possible into the reservoir of painful emotions/possible traumas that I have tried to escape from for decades. This is beginning to have real benefits, albeit requiring considerable effort during focused meditations and consistent practice. I have noticed substantial improvements in overall mood/attitude in the post-meditation period where there was significant "interaction" with the referenced reservoir. Again, not easily accomplished, even for someone who has practiced meditation regularly for years. My guess is that focused, deeper meditation may provide the invaluable pathway to the reservoir that is incredibly difficult to access. I see the reservoir as the epicenter and source of nearly all our undesirable emotions and behaviors, so ANY reduction in the volume of the pool translates into sustained, improved behaviors and general mood.
Hello from Ontario Canada I agree with that it’s been a years since I haven’t felt happy as well thank you for these sessions you have helped a lot 🥰 Thank you so much
I have anxiety and depression for 4 year but in 2020 it's get worse I can feel it everyday. My happy childhood memories pop up make me cry make me feel like I need to go back. Im out of control right now. I need hope 🙏
Hi, try microdosing. I’ve microdosed mushrooms for about 3 years now and i have been worrying less. I’d recommend it for anyone, look up psilo_shrooms on Instagram.Their product helped me fight anxiety and depression. You can thank me later...
You are super Dope! You are loved thank you for being so brave and strong and providing care to mental heath and handling you everyday life. Wow So strong! You explain things so well and your stories are great for reference.
I’ve been very lonely ever since I was in Junior High! I’ve been avoiding everybody and everything! But I’m so lonely and am still lonely! And sad,and depressed! Valerie
So in short, be more emotionlaly available and keep focussing on what brings you joy correct? I understand this and agree with this on the long run. On the other hand when depressed you sometimes lack connection with your own feelings, the 'emo capacity' sort of speak is simply lower. This is what your brain tells you, it's not always a choice of shutting down that part/ ripping that piece off, the will is there but the willpower is less.
Oh. My. God. It's like you are right inside my head. I was nodding recognition all the way .... kind of yeah, yeah, yeah... But when you got to the Passion Project Disappointment story --- BINGO!!!
I used to feel so much better, even in and after abusing relationships. I got into a relationship with a loving partner finally, but then when I would feel upset that he was criticizing me a lot, he would tell me “you’re always angry” and invalidate me. My friend started invalidating me and told me to be grateful essentially for him. I felt like I couldn’t address how I felt plus a ton of other stress in my life at the time. Everything got so much worse. I stopped processing and sharing my emotions. I started judging every single thought and feeling I had. Now everything is stagnated and I wonder why if that’s the reason I feel so much different and struggle. He was never allowed to express real emotions or be validated as a child and will use sarcasm and criticism to express himself. Now I feel like I’ve gone so many steps backward to a place where I can’t communicate effectively and honor my own feelings. I’m not sure how to facilitate moving that blockage.
I lost my job and went through a traumatic relationship this year. Also, my friendship group has gotten smaller. I feel lonely and wish I had more social interactions. Yet, I also find myself isolating more. How does one get comfortable sitting with their pain?
Thank you for posting your comment. Your honesty is appreciated. Just wanted to let you know you are being prayed for dear friend. May God be with you and show you His kindness and grace. May the love of His Son Jesus surround you and embrace you warmly, just like He did for me. Please take care.
I am confused about this. I have always had a bad temper and vented at everyone especially my loved ones. I started to realize that my anger was a habit, so within 5 - 6 months of working on my anger it is gone. Now, I am quiet to the most part and my wife and step-daughter are now more relaxed around me. I have also been meditating for 10 years. Am I now dealing with things more than avoiding them? My life seems like it is more relaxed now than it has ever been.
