Why Are Funerals So Expensive? 

MOTHER IS HOME WITH THE GROCERIES, SHE IS HERE TO FEED US

As a nurse that has actively called at 2am to get pricing from multiple funeral homes, it’s in their interest and mine to post it online

Years ago I had a funeral home owner tell me that if a child died 18 or under there was no charge to the family. He said "they're already going through enough. How could I in good conscious ask for or want to get money from these people" That always stuck with me

I live in a very rural area in Scotland. We have a wonderful local funeral director, who consistently goes above and beyond to make the funeral process easier for the families. During covid restrictions they published precise routes and timings that the hearse would be taking to the graveyard so that all those who wished to pay their respects could go and stand by the roadside as the hearse went past to support the grieving families without breaching covid lockdown rules. At a recent large funeral there were roadworks outside the church, and the funeral director coordinated with the road workers to keep the lights green until the entire churches worth of mourners were able to follow the hearse on to the graveyard. I would absolutely go to them for a funeral for these reasons. But they still publish their prices online in a clear and easily understandable way, because it's the right thing to do.

Did they ever stop to consider that people aren’t shopping by price because… oh, I don’t know… the prices aren’t AVAILABLE readily to the consumer?!

My brother passed away last July, we were devastated. My mom went to the funeral home that our family has used for generations. When my mom mentioned she didn't have any money they politely pushed her out the door! She got this reaction at 5 more homes. Defeated and in tears at this point she went to a funeral home that was actually a block away from her home. THEY WERE SO KIND! They told her not to worry, they would take care of everything. The empathized, no mom should have to buy her son! They gave my brother a beautiful service and allowed my mom to make payments!They made the worst time in our life so much easier🙏

My dad passed 3 weeks ago, and knowing how much a funeral would cost and what he wanted, we did a days worth of researching our options. We found a cremation services that clearly list their prices, were very communicative and didn’t push anything. A total of $1300 for everything. It was pleasant surprise in a tough time.

When my father found out he was dying he planned his funeral and bought his modest pine casket on Amazon for less than $1000 and services were held at our local Church Parish. I always admired that about my dad, he said he didn’t want his family dealing with planning while they were grieving.

Good grief! My son was declared brain dead in a hospital hours away from home. The social worker brought in a funeral person while my son was still on life support hours away from donating his organs. The guy tried to sell us a fancy casket to be cremated in and a fancy urn for his cremains. All while I was just desparate to get back to my son's room to be with him. It was painfully awful and I was keening. We had to prepay 3500 dollars for Henry to be cremated in a cardboard box and put in a baggie. It was disgusting. I hate this industry.

"We don't like to be forced into anything," says the Funeral Director as he forces grieving families to do the things.

I just started in the funeral industry, and I am very comforted that my funeral home already has all of these things. From the get-go, my boss was very clear that when people call in, we need to get their email to email them the pricing information, make sure that we’re updating our prices online, and he requires that only people who are trained can ask about embalming because he wants to make sure that we do mention to families that embalming is not required by law. Definitely agree with you! I found the more transparent I am with families, the more I notice I have a good relationship with them.

Two weeks ago, my wife and I flew to California and buried two sets of ashes in two different cemeteries there. one cemetery charged over $2000 for the interment, including $400 for the plastic box to put the urn in. We are still negotiating about $2500 for a marker, which we are willing to pay because there’s an unused lot that my step mother-in-law might be able to sell for a tidy sum. The cemetery will charge another $1600 to transfer the title on the lot. Maybe someday you’d like to do an episode on buying and selling cemetery lots. I’ve learned a lot from this experience.

Posting of prices should be mandatory all across the board!

About 20 years ago, my mother died and my father had a heart attack right after it happened. My siblings and I were focused on our father. When we realized this was going to be a long recovery we decided that cremation was the best option for our mom. I went to a funeral home just to have my mother cremated. I was upfront and told the man I wasn't some grieving daughter so not to try and take advantage. The first price list I got I opened my purse and pulled out a red pen and started crossing stuff off. I got down to the line that said "I could supply my own cardboard box." I asked them where to get it because I wasn't paying hundreds of dollars for a cardboard box. In the end I got their 5000+ bill down to $736 dollars. That was my first funeral home experience.

I absolutely hate haggling and price shopping. But thanks to your channel I finally had a conversation with my father about his final wishes and he said he just wants a simple burial / funeral for as cheap as possible so when the time comes I will just have to remind myself it is literally what Dad would have wanted ...

The reason that "consumers don't shop that way" in my small town is because we don't have the options. My town has one funeral home. Unless my family wants to go an hour away for their service (which they don't), our options are limited.

As a pastor for over 25 years, I wholeheartedly support upfront, online pricing and transparency about what is actually legally required in the area. Far too many funeral directors manipulate vulnerable, grieving folks into spending thousands of dollars that they don't have to spend. No one should EVER have to go in debt for the funeral of a loved one. I'm asking all of my colleagues to offer comments in support of the updated regulations at the FTC website. Thanks so much for alerting us! Enjoy your sabbatical and keep up the good work when you're back!

Watching a new Caitlin video feels like visiting your cool aunt that you only get to see once or twice a year but everytime you do, it’s a blast 🖤

Sadly, my husband passed away on August 30th from pancreatic cancer, we just had his funeral yesterday. When choosing which funeral home to work with, I automatically excluded any that did not post their prices online. I didn't want to be "pitched to". It's in funeral homes best interest to post their prices online, unless, of course, they are price gouging. As a side note, the hospice nurse and I cleaned and dressed my husband after he passed, an act I felt comfortable doing thanks to this RU-vid channel. It seemed very soothing felt very right, to make sure he was clean and dressed properly before he was taken out of the door. I would never have had the courage to do that, if not for Caitlins videos and books on death rituals in other cultures.

Thanks to you, Caitlin, we knew what to ask for when making arrangements with the funeral home for my Dad. I requested, "direct cremation, all inclusive" and the funeral home representative stared a me and asked where I had heard that information. I happily told him, "Caitlin Doughty! She has a youtube channel called Ask a Mortician!" Thank you for helping us get funeral arrangements that our family was happy with and could afford. If they would post their prices online that would make everything so much easier, but until then if I know someone who is thinking about cremation then I let them know to ask for direct cremation all inclusive.

Ah yes the, "Our customers never complain about our food bills. They don't need to know the prices of food before they buy it." method of price disclosure.

Who on Earth ever woke up one morning and thought I'd like for my hero to be a mortician/funeral director? And yet here she is! Caitlin is the hero we didn't know we need!😍

As a retired pastor and Army Chaplain, I can a test to the need for on line posting of funeral pricing. Most people only ask themselves, “Will my loved ones insurance or estate cover this expense.” This question and the emotions at the moment lead to inflated costs. Thank for giving us a way of sharing our voice on the topic.

My Dad has cancer and is declining fairly quickly. But I'm awfully grateful for these videos for educating me so I'll be able to help my Mom once Dad passes. Thank you ❤

When my MIL died from COVID-19 complications in 2020, I took the reins of her funeral so that my husband wouldn't have to deal with it. I asked him what she had wanted, shopped online and by phone making lists as I went, then presented the options to my husband so that he had an informed choice for his mother. Thank God I found you, Caitlyn, long before COVID-19 happened. I had a good idea of what to do. My MIL had a simple cremation in a cardboard box, her cremains were delivered to us three days later, and we had to wait six months for the travel ban to be lifted so that we could take her to Michigan for burial next to her husband. It turned into a family reunion and greatly eased everyone's grief. I'm so grateful for your channel. I was able to take my husband burden and be an informed consumer, to advocate for what he wanted, and what my MIL wanted, too. Thank you, Caitlyn.

I shopped around for an inexpensive, immediate cremation for my mom a year before she passed. The ranges were very broad...but I got one for 2K and this guy was great. I had done Mom's post-mortem care (with tips I learned from YOU!!) and laid her out at home. She was picked up in the late afternoon and we met at the funeral home in the morning. He had laid her out in a viewing room (which I had not expected)...and my kids and I decorated the cardboard box in which she would be cremated, with colorful markers with little hearts and loving sentiments. We followed the hearse to the crematory and the people there allowed my son, who has a brain injury, to turn the knob that fired up the retort. My son felt good helping to send his grandma off to her next big adventure. She was later buried in another state, with her husband...and I became a Death Doula! And YOU, Caitlin, have so much to do with how all that fell into place!

I submitted a thoughtful comment to the FTC. The more we make our voices heard, the more likely we are to see positive change. 💟

As someone who works for a hospital, we are required to post pricing online now. All Healthcare entities, I'm including the funeral service, should be required to post all pricing. It is in our best interest to take care of our patients.

Thanks Caitlin for doing the legwork for us . We’re turning 70 and these matters are concerning us

This is long, fair warning. Last month my father passed away in South Dakota. Two days later, my uncle passed away in California. Neither of them had saved any money for end of life expenses. My uncle's arrangements were handled by his close friends as my mother and I were already dealing with my father's arrangements. As an avid follower of this channel, I got online and started researching options. We wanted the very basics: a cremation and the remains shipped to us. The assisted living home my father was living in had an agreement with a local mortuary, so his body was sent there before we were able to make a decision (my older sister is the person legally allowed to make that decision and she wanted nothing to do with the matter, not even to pass the duty to me). We received the estimate for the simple cremation and shipping and it was close to $4000. I called the other mortuary in town (smallish town, only 2 options) and their prices were comparable. I also saw that if we did want to go with a different funeral home, we would have to pay for the transfer of the body. We attempted to negotiate the price down, but were told that these prices were regulated and the home could not go any lower. Part of the high cost of a simple cremation was transporting the remains to a larger metropolitan area as the town he passed away in did not have a crematorium. This attributed $400 to the cost. The other option was to deny responsibility for the remains and walk away. Even though I was estranged from my father, this was not an option. A few days after we paid the deposit, we received my father's ashes in a large plastic bag in a tasteful black cardboard box. $3800. My mom spoke to her brother's friends a couple days later and was told how much his cremation costs were. $750. Shipping the ashes to us was only $100. Yes, we live in a capitalist economy and everyone is free to make a profit. The disconnect for me is the lack of or arbitrary use of regulations, especially when dealing with death. Let's say we had wanted a water cremation for my father? Yes, I know they are more expensive. It doesn't matter, because South Dakota hasn't approved it as a legal method for handling remains. I can be charged $4000 for a cremation, the transport of the body to the facility (146 miles, round trip), shipping, and a tasteful black cardboard box, but aquamation is a no go. I am not saying things are wonderful in other states. While looking into sustainable options, I visited the website of a well known cemetery. Entering the site, I was greeted with a pop up announcement that I could currently get a free cremation when purchasing one of their green burial packages. Starting at $8500. Without the cremation. And under an already established tree. The quick decisions that need to be made after the passing of a family member or loved one should be made with a level head. Expecting the living relatives to set aside their grief, shock, and multitudes of other emotions (and decisions) so they can negotiate the price of honoring the dead is abhorrent. I find it hard to believe that we cannot find a solution that allows those working in the funeral industry to make a profit and pay their staff but also protects the consumers at their most vulnerable from being ripped off. To the gentleman who said the living aren't concerned with cost when handling the death of a loved one? We absolutely are concerned. The problem is, you aren't listening. If you made it this far, thank you for taking the time. If you are here because you also have a story like this, I hope you are well and healing. ETA: I added this story to the forums in the link in the description of this video the same day I posted here.

Other than affordable prices, seeing empathy and open with the process of everything is what someone is looking for in a funeral home during such a hard time.

I wish there were more videos being made . I really appreciate this channel.

When my partner's sister passed away unexpectedly last year, we chose a funeral home specifically BECAUSE they posted their entire price list (with all of the little weird fees) online. She died 850 miles away from where we live, so we didn't have the ability to drive around town price shopping, nor did we have connections to a specific funeral home. One place wanted us to submit a request for a quote like it was car insurance or something. No thank you, we will go with transparency every time. At the one we chose, they were very no-nonsense in person, too, which is exactly what my partner needed.

Hearing the word "consumers" in the context of the funeral business is wild. My dad died this February and we're still paying for his cremation. There's nothing more tiring than thinking "it's too expensive to die".

GURL!!!! Gurl.. we missed you, mama. It’s good to still see you so passionate & learned & active in these issues. My faith is renewed 🖤😭🖤😭

Thank God you came back! I've reached an age where I tend to identify more with the corpse than the bereaved. You have no idea just how much of the sting you take out of that - please don't stay away too long! (More of your documentaries would be brilliant! Nobody approaches them like you do!)

I think not having prices and options posted online in an industry that EVERYONE will one day need to call upon is absolutely predatory. The reason people are against posting prices online simply boils down to greed. If they are forced to be transparent, they can't rake a grieving family over the coals financially. Please keep speaking out about this.

I work at a hospice house in a pretty rural area, and I promise you the vast majority of the families I work with are choosing a funeral home based solely on price.

My 160 lb great Pyrenees dog sadly passed away and the cost of cremation was less than $100 My close friends mother who weiged kess than 90 lbs died and the cremation cost was $4000

My father passed in Dec 2021 and he had made all of the arrangements 20 years prior. He even wrote his obituary so we wouldn’t have to. The funeral home had changed hands before Dad’s death, and they still honored their contract. His contract was one of the few that didn’t “get lost” in the transition from one owner to the next.

i couldn't have asked for ANY channel to upload today more than ask a mortician, so happy to see you back!

We pick our restaurants based on how much their menu costs; we avoid the ones that are "priceless". Funeral expenses should be the same.

I didn't know how much I missed you until you and your bangs graced my screen again ❤

Thank goodness for Caitlin. 🖤 Out there for us and the funeral industry having to deal with smug attitudes like those two on stage during the meeting.

Another side to the "people don't shop around, they go where their family always goes" is that it glosses over the high likelihood that the funeral home used to be a small business but has since been bought out by one of the large funeral corporations that purposefully don't change the name so you think it's still the same people running the home. That funeral home may have been great service and decently priced 20 years ago, but is that still true now?

When my grandmother was cremated and her cremains buried next to my grandfather, my mother was looking at the urns and shocked at how expensive they all were. Since she was going to buried and not placed in our home, my mother didn’t see the point in spending so much money on something no one would ever see. She asked the funeral director if she had to select something from their stock or if she could use something she already had. They told her she could use anything she wanted. So mother called me and said grandma had a box my woodworking grandfather had made before he passed away, that was about the same size as the urns.She asked if I thought it was appropriate and okay to bury grandma’s ashes in grandpa’s box even if it was an incredibly simple and unadorned box. I told her truthfully that I could think of nothing more beautiful. If grandma had thought of it and known it was possible, this is exactly what she would have wanted, the most sentimental urn possible that also saves a lot of money - perfection.

Your videos helped us help our inlaws through the death and burial process of my brother in law. I can’t express how grateful I am that your videos exist.

Hi! Lion here. 😊 Lions Club is the largest community service organization and is both US & International. Yes, similar to other organizations as you mentioned. Thank you! Bloom-Carroll Lions Club, Carroll Ohio. We Serve! 🦁

I remember my dad looking through the Yellow Pages in 1972 the day mom died. His concern was a Catholic operated funeral home. I later saw the bill for the embalming services etc. $2000. That sounded high then. Worse, cremation wasn't offered. The church allowed it then. Dad later chose cremation for himself and the funeral home in Tucson where he died tried to sell my sister a casket. She refused that. Holy cards, a traditional way of rembering the deceased, one of the staff told my sis not to bother, no one took them. Saved money right there. I on the other hand almost got stuck paying $750 to reopen the double burial grave of my mom because the urn was too big. They offered a cheap, plastic coffin shaped urn instead. My friend who was with me read my mind and refused it and said surely you have other urns, you've dealt with this before? Just then her boss came by asked what the problem was, when told he went and got a lovely small brass rectangular urn that they were no longer carrying. We got it for free. You shouldn't have to do this type of stuff when you aren't in top form. Fortunately I had a friend with me and my sister had her husband.

My daughter and I owe you a debt of gratitude, Caitlin! We were able to "shop around" when my mother died at the height of the Covid-19 pandemic (of natural causes). An African-American funeral home provided direct cremation for one-fifth the price of the one across the street from the hospital where she died. We are all equal in death, but not so much in wealth or class levels!

I Miss seeing you regularly. Please don't stay away too long.

My dad had no life insurance and died suddenly. My brother and I were in our 20s and broke. We took up collections at church to pay for his cremation. We all gathered at church and my brother and i asked everyone to share their favorite stories about dad. Everyone laughed so hard at the dad stories we were crying.

My gosh, I need Caitlin in my life to just help me remember that there are good people, who don’t just want to screw people over at every corner. We love you, madam.

Thank you Ms. Caitlin for advocating for changes in this predatory industry

Lions Club is a charity helping blind and poor sighted people. When I was young I was volunteering with them in Hungary

This is one of my favorite channels. Please come back 😢

My father passed away in March. It was extremely unexpected and a shock. I was in the fog of grief, however, thanks to being a longtime viewer of your channel, I was ready. I would not let them steamroll us. We live in a rural area and there are 4 funeral homes, we knew which Dad liked best bc we have a large family so we’ve been to all of the homes many times. I sat down with my Mom and it was hard but I made an outline of what we wanted ahead of time. So when we got down to options and costs, we didn’t lose focus and we stuck to our guns. It is so hard to stay “on task” at such an emotional time. But I am proud of us for getting through it so well. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. My Mom recently purchased a book titled “I’m Dead, Now What?” And she’s filling it out so I know exactly what she wants. I bought one for myself and my husband as well. No one wants to think about “end of life” planning but I think it’s important to remember , even though your worries and cares will be over, you’re leaving a lot of work for those who are left behind. If you can make it easy on them, why not try?

I am a funeral agent from Puerto Rico.🇵🇷 Normally a full service is around 5,000 american dollors. We have the reputation of making amazing funeral services with a body standing up sitting down or even rithing a bike. I would love to see Catlien make a video about Puertorican funerals. Plss😊

I have literally been binge watching every video you've ever made ... over the past two months. I probably have 10 left to watch. Thank you for a BRAND NEW UPDATE! You are the Deathling Queen 👑 and WE NEED YOU!!!!! ❤❤❤ ALL HAIL THE DEATHLING QUEEN 👑 ☠️ PS You have helped me figure out my own funeral planning and arrangements (now finished) for a natural home burial and wake on my own property in Virginia. In a cardboard coffin or shroud. In a fenced in family plot. I am so grateful for all the encouragement and advice and I feel confident and at peace. 🕊️ ⚰️

Thanks so much for this video and link! After watching the funeral industry take advantage of my sister after the loss of her 20 year old son, they appealed to her grief for a more expensive funeral, I very much approve of transparency and optional choices on funeral home websites. Because many of the funeral homes in her area really wanted to get her in the door for full cost and option disclosure (upsale), it was down right overwhelming for her to visit and speak with multiple locations leading her to be boxed into limited choices and costs simply due to exhaustion. My nephew's funeral, and he was cremated, ended up costing THOUSANDS of dollars. I think last count was over 10k. Additionally, I feel online transparency will create a more competitive market in the funeral industry leading to cost drops and more funeral options which I would hope, could usher in more green possibilities. Voting YES on this subject is a win win for the public, for everyone, who WILL go through this process at some point in their lives. As always, Caitlin, I really appreciate what you do!

They should require prices lists to be published by healthcare as well. The range of prices for the same services are wild!

In the Netherlands we pay a monthly insurance for our own funeral. It is not mandatory, but convenient so that relatives do not have to pay the costs.

When the lobbyist for the funeral industry starting talking it reminded me of the movie Thank You for smoking. Hocking lies professionally. A strongly recommended watch! Much love as always Caitlin. 🖤

At 9:40. This honestly gave me a good chuckle. I'm an '83 baby. Glad to see an '84 baby keeping it real with the "Are You Afraid of the Dark" references. "The Tale of the Clearer Embalming Disclosure" SHOULD DEFINITELY be an episode of AYAOTD!!!

When my mother passed away, we were told that their policy require embalming AND a concrete vault. It was an extra $3000 for that and paid a total of $7000. They also require a certain type of headstone. My mother still doesn't have a headstone because they want $5000 more for the required monument .If we had time, we could have looked around. Instead, we went with the place that handled my grandmother, aunt, uncle and great-grand parents. I think the funeral industry makes it too easy to exploit vulnerable people at a traumatic time in their life. I really appreciate the a knowledge and work that you do Caitlin, thank you!

Former Indiana FD for 6 years here. Having a policy that requires embalming to view the body is such manipulative bullshit. Viewing is a crucial part in processing grief and adding that financial pressure to families is wildly corrupt. That was one of my biggest pet-peeves at the firm I worked at. Also glad to see you back (:

I agree, they need to have pricing online (since everything else is friggin online anyway). And my MIL may have watched a video of yours (or maybe not) but when her mother and father passed we had a viewing for grandma without embalming right in the funeral home. They did an amazing job and she looked so peaceful. THANK YOU Cait, for being so death positive and looking out for both the living and the dead.

In my state, burials require a concrete vault in addition to a casket. It has something to do with protecting the casket. In addition, state sales tax is charged on all these items. So a casket costing $5000 with a $2000 concrete vault is about $500 in state sales tax.

I was so sad to hear about the dad who had to discuss funeral costs after his 4 year’s death. Here in the UK a lot of things are a mess, and getting worse, but children’ funerals, from stillborn babies 24 weeks plus, up to 18 year olds are paid for by the government.

I finally paid off my moms cremation but I couldn’t afford to pay for a funeral. We all went to a coffee shop wearing her favorite color. She would have died with excitement at being put into a coffee can ❤

I was JUST THIS WEEK thinking “I miss Caitlin, I wonder when she’ll upload a new video” and LO! Haven’t even watched yet but I’m so happy to see new AskAMortician content 🤩

I’m doing everything up front so my kid doesn’t have to deal with anything because of you ❤ thank you for all your information

My mom passed suddenly this March and one of the ways my sister and i got through it was due in huge part to being a veiwer of this channel. Just being okay with death as a part of life and having a vague idea of the decisions we would have to make. One huge choice we made was spending time with her body after she died. We just stayed in the room for about 2 hours and felt pur grief and said goodbye and remebered her. So thank you so much for empowering us to do that, it helped so much. The funeral home we chose was amazing and the driver who came to get her from Hospice noticed a picture of her with my son and he tucked it under her arm and it stayed with her. So. Thank you

Funeral homes and hospitals/doctor offices should have itemized pricing on everything. Period. (Great video!)

Thanks for doing this video. I left a comment on the FTC websitem, it was very easy.

My dad passed away 2 weeks ago after suffering a hemorrhagic stroke. Dad wanted a direct cremation. I was fully prepared to fight with our local funeral home. I expected them to try to drive prices up out of our price range. I have to say, they were very accommodating. Not once did they try to drive prices up or convince my grieving mother to buy something we didn’t want nor could afford. They were up front with all their prices and fully supported us having a memorial service on our own without them being involved.They even gave us obituary cards and a memorial book for free. They lent us picture boards to use for dad’s pictures. I wish every funeral home could be like them. I’ve witnessed the horrors of the funeral industry first hand with some of my relatives. I’m so thankful that mom and I did not have to go through that.

My mother died in June and I had to call funeral homes for direct cremation prices. It ranged from $900 to $5,000 for the exact same service

This past August, my family went through horrors that could have been prevented by all of the above, and I'll explain it so others can be aware. Note: When I say 'we', I mean my Mom and Uncle, who were my grandparent's kids. 'We' also includes my dad, who was an ER nurse for 28 years, and has been currently a Nurse Practitioner since 2012- he knows how to make hard calls and planned both of his parents' funerals, making him incredibly helpful to everyone. If it weren't for him, I don't know how this would have gone. 1. My grandpa died very suddenly, but he'd already planned for his funeral and everything involved 12 years ago (which he did for my grandma as well, who passed before him, and whose funeral went perfectly). As such, we knew where he was being interred, how he'd be interred, and how much we would realistically have to do. 2. All of this damn near went out the window because the funeral director who had worked with my grandpa was off on vacation and he left someone else in charge, who: 2a. Said the price would be changing (despite the fact that there had been NO explanation of this in the original contract) due to inflation and "times change". 2b. Wanted to charge my grieving family $250 for my Mom/Uncle to ID my grandpa's body (???) DESPITE the fact this had been done by the hospital AND his neighbor WHO FOUND HIM. 3. After my Dad thoroughly wiped the floor with that woman and made sure there would be NO extra charges of any kind anywhere, she then hemmed and hawwed about the date of the services. Note: This was not during Covid. This was not during Flu season. This was not during the heat wave that took out untold thousands. This was, as things go, a boring week. So to give us lip about a time schedule??? 4. My parents had to go back and forth with the funeral home office and my grandpa's Doctor to get the Death Cert signed. In the MIDDLE OF A PHONE CALL with the doctor explaining they were still waiting on the FH's paperwork, the FH CALLED THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE to CONFIRM A FAX# THEY'D BEEN GIVEN THREE DAYS PRIOR. My grandpa died on a Monday- the FH did not get their shit sent until FRIDAY. And then said as they were closed on weekends, they couldn't finish anything else until THE NEXT. MONDAY. 5. My grandpa served in two military branches (technically three) during his lifetime (he was a Certified Badass). He lived in FL for the grand majority of his life after retirement (pretty patriotic state, wouldn't you argue?). The FH, when we asked for an honor guard, said they'd likely have 'trouble getting anyone so last minute' (again...he died on a Monday. They got their shit together that Friday. We heard nothing from them during the weekend. Monday they said the service MIGHT be on Wednesday, which it was. Time???? Not found????) My brother, who served, ended up getting TWO of the three branches represented at his funeral. All he had to do was make ONE phone call, and they gave my grandpa every inch of honored service he deserved. 6. They got the dates wrong on the prayer cards, morning of the service. By the time we finished, they had fixed them, but it was too late- the guests already had the incorrect ones. I have a correct one because I was too busy bawling my eyes out entering, so I didn't think to grab one, and only thought about it as I left because I was tossing my gross tissues out, and that's when I overheard my parents talking about it. My point: 1. Had the funeral industry been held to any kind of standard work of practice, such as having their prices posted and contracts solidified, we would NOT have gone through part 1, which was when the new person tried to drag out more money from my desperately grieving family. Pre-planning is done for the *express purpose* of making it easier and, yes, cheaper for the family left behind, and the new person pretended like it never existed. 2. If they were held to a service standard, there might have been someone we could have contacted to get someone decent running the show, or at least held them accountable to those higher ups. As we didn't have that, we could only grit our teeth and hold out until the end, since the person causing our misery was the same person we relied on for this service. We could not go with anyone else, since they held the literal keys to my grandpa's place of rest. Needless to say, my parents are better prepared for what curveballs the FH might try on them. But there shouldn't be any, because if there is one service on this planet that should be stress free, it should be this. Side note: The line from the rep saying "There is no service that requires posting of prices--" Yeah, there is: The medical world. Yes, we are also super late on the update, but I know of no one (in my own industry, which is healthcare receptionist!) who wouldn't give someone a price over the phone if they called (only for out-of-pocket, ins is trickier). We would also pull out our price book and spell out every charge (for out-of-pocket pts) if it wasn't complex, like lacerations (it depends on the size, if there are FB involved, jagged or straight, etc). Just...f-- no. Giving prices will not kill the industry. Giving prices will save a LOT of time, as hospitals and hospices have to call at all hours to get prices from FHs. Know what would solve that? The INTERNET. Prices shown! You can even do asterisks if you're feeling cornered! Just SOME transparency!

As someone who's funeral director took my father's prepayment of a funeral, VA funeral payment of a funeral and my sister's payment of a funeral transparency is vital. # Treusdell Funeral Home, Friendship NY.

2009 , a coworker asked for help with her sisters funeral. The sister had died whilst her husband was out of town for a week during the summer heat. The place the husband chose was based on the view. They wanted $25,000 for a cremation and rental of the room for a service and reception. They were selling him on embalming, a casket, a plot, an urn and catered food. He was just shaking his head yes at everything the employee was rattling off. Jumping in, I asked why the embalming? "Oh that's just our policy" "Haven't you already started the cremation process?" "Oh, not until after payment". "You require embalming with every cremation?" "No, just the ones that have a casket, it's policy" "Why with a cremation are you selling a casket?" "Oh because people are more comfortable at a funeral if they see a casket." "So, you're going to put the body in the casket?" "Oh no, we can't do that under the circumstances of the death" "can you rent a casket since it's just going to be an empty casket for display?" "Oh, no! That would make it a used casket, and we wouldn't be able to sell it later!" "He want a funeral on this date, will the ashes be ready by then?" "Unfortunately, no" "Then, what is the point of the urn?" "Because it will be put on display at the funeral" "An empty Urn, along with an empty casket?" Silence. "How will the ashes be transported to the family?" Snarky tone "in a box" "Can the family take the ashes home in this box and decide later on an urn? "Well, technically, yes, but it's best if they choose the urn now, so that the ashes can be buried as part of the funeral service" "Wait, so you pay for a fancy urn, before the ashes are ready and bury that fancy empty Urn during the service?" "Well, no, because the ashes have to be in the urn to bury it" "Does the reception have to be catered, or can we just bring our own food" "We don't allow 'outside food' to be brought in" "Isn't catering 'outside food'?" "NO! Because we have a contract with the caterer!" "Okay, clear and simple, how much for the cremation, with the ashes in the box, and use of the room for a simple service, no food, no extras?" "$5,000.00" Six months later, my mom was planning her own funeral. Used a totally different mortuary. Removal of the body, storage, embalming, open casket at my church, flowers, all the printed material and guest registry, transportation to the national cemetery (70 miles away) and burial with pops, under $2,000, including tax and 10 copies of the death certificate (which was never mentioned at the $5,000 funeral! ).

The funeral industry rep who pointed out that other industries aren't required to post their prices online has a point. We should require that, too!

I moved to the US a couple years ago and the fact that your prices are obscured (not only in the funeral industry!) is a major red flag where I come from. No taxes included when grocery shopping, no prices listed on medical providers' websites, prices change DRASTICALLY if you have insurance (somehow your ultrasound costs 60% more when you're insured, how curious), the list goes on. You guys deserve better. For better planning, more control over how much you spend, and to battle the hopelessness that comes with being short on funds and the unneccesary hoops to jump through to make it out. It's maddening. If the rest of the world can have their governments make it work, so can yours. It's supposed to serve civilians, not line the pockets of the rich with extra money.

Caitlyn I know you've kind of covered most of this stuff back in the day.. but I think it would be really cool (and would require minimal research lol) if you did a video explaining like what happens when your loved one dies and you're the one expected to handle everything. Like what are the laws with this? What are all of the options? What is done with the body and how much time do you have to decide where the funeral or cremation will be done? Do these laws vary from state to state? Etc.

PLAYGROUNDS! Grew up with access to graveyards for play. In the yet to be used area of a cemetery children's playground equipment was installed. Many generations have cut thru the land to access the high school. We were all comfortable in that environment. - D

I ABSOLUTELY shopped for my mom's cremation. And it was suggested by a wonderful nurse at her hospice. I'm forever grateful because I had no clue what to even do or where to start. I'd never handled someone's death.

Thank you for this. I lost my mom unexpectedly in 2021, 3 months after I had relocated to a different country. As executor of an estate that 100 percent unprepared for her passing, the ability to look up funeral services in her area that had prices listed preserved my SANITY. I just burst into tears while watching the video because it reminded me of how soul crushing it was to try to plan for her (cremation) from across an ocean while sobbing every waking moment-but feeling some relief when I found a funeral home that offered a special bare-bones cremation package, where customers can fill in paperwork online, add special items if they wanted (all with clear prices), and pick up the remains at a later date. No shame, just practicality and a total lifesaver for those of us who don’t have $$$ laying around. (Burton Quinn in Erie PA, by the way.) YES PRICE IS A CONSIDERATION, and anyone who says otherwise is just lying. I hope this legislation passes. ❤❤❤

Speaking as someone from one of these "magical small towns". While some folks do get referred for funerary services from their local lodge be it Lion's Club, Moose Lodge, Masons ect. there are others who are price conscious and in fact will shop around. The funeral homes in my area will provided pricing over the phone, by fax, in person or by email. They don't really post online but are otherwise very accommodating. This was massively helpful when we had to quickly arrange for my nephew when he suddenly passed. For anyone who thinks that they have to immediately pick a funeral home to release the body to at least where I'm at in Virginia the hospital can/will keep the body in cold storage up to a week while you arrange something. This is one of the reasons I love your content Caitlyn it's so informative and has made me curious enough to check what the options are in my area.

Thank you for tackling and explaining such a momentus moment and how vulnerable people and families are when they are being preyed upon. A few months after I buried my mom after her very unexpected death, I realized I thanked the very people that charged $15K for her viewing and casket (still had burial in another state to pay for). I felt betrayed

Man Caitlin, I appreciate your civility because hearing these people’s talking points makes me want to punt them for their lack of compassion. Glad to see you back Death Mother!

I really hope we can, because my dad died in April and his funeral financially devastated my family. We're still trying to recover and my mom even got evicted from being unable to pay her rent due to the cost of putting my dad's ashes up. We've gone through food insecurity and skipping meds just to make it. We took the second least expensive funeral package we could, and it was still over 6k!! It shouldn't cost this much and be so financially difficult on families to give a funeral to their loved ones!

The customers ‘would’ shop online if it was available, I know I would! It cost thousands and thousands to have a funeral! My hubby and I have insurance to just pay for each of our funerals…… but I’ve changed my mine! I’ve decided to donate my body, hopefully someone will figure out my illness and the life long and associated pain and additional illnesses! Some family need to know just how bad it was for me!

Growing up, there were certain things I knew my family could barely afford: medical care, veterinary care, and funerals. These things shouldn’t be luxuries

And just when we needed her most, the Queen returned. I’m letting this play silently in the background while I work and I’ll give it a rewatch later.

Definitely going to walk into a funeral home some day and ask, “do you do price matching?” The idea that you may not see pricing until after possession of a body is horrifically unfair!

My parents died 18 days apart from Covid back in 2020. Two funerals cost us a little under $30,000. We already had their plots thankfully or else it would have been so much more. 😔

My partner died a month ago. Gotta say, I was not happy with how we were treated by all of the local funeral homes. He was on my living room floor for 6 hours before the Neptune Society agreed to help us, and sent someone to pick him up, another three hours. He wanted to give his body to science, but we were told no thanks by everyone. By the time the PKD Foundation got back to us, his body had been stored for 4 days. They said it had been too long. The Neptune Society cremated him, and this Sunday we had a nice service where we took his ashes offshore and scattered him in the sea.

When my father died my mother used the nearest funeral home where the pastor of the church we went to recommended and happened to be partners in. They convinced her she needed many things that as an adult now I realize were BS. They fixed her up with financing using her house as collateral and charged her $28,000. With dad gone her only income was her social security and what was left of his small pension after years of medical bills. She defaulted and that same preacher/funeral home owner took her house and moved his brother into it. I was 13, we moved to low-income housing until I joined the army. She died in a nursing home, and that same preacher tried to pick up her body. I made it back in time to take her to another place he actually tried to have the police stop me. It didn't work out for them. This industry needs to be fixed.

I negotiated my father in law’s funeral home bill by a lowering it couple hundred dollars. Almost anything is negotiable and I was in a better frame of mind then my husband and MIL and felt no shame asking what every little thing cost. My MIL would’ve spent way more especially since she didn’t speak a lot of English

Thanks for helping us think through a very hard part of life.

When my dad died, he wasn't found for many days, so we had no option for embalming and I knew he wanted to be cremated. I googled and had him sent to be cremated for around $900. A couple years later when my grandpa died he was sent to this funeral home and they wanted thousands of dollars to cremate him. When I asked about the cost difference they were like "our services." It seemed like such a scam. Thanks for fighting for better and clearer practices.