Same. I think it was my experiences with that that made me see the negative affects the traditional work environment on people generally and now I'm anti-capitalist...along with a lot of ppl on the spectrum, turns out lol
..."work environments don’t work for us.” That describes my problems precisely. I can do creative work, particularly deep and challenging work. In fact, I succeeded fabulously as a self-employed journalist and writer during the heyday of newspapers and magazines. But simple tasks for me are like climbing up rock faces. I seldom could hold down what most would consider the simple jobs, such as restaurant work, store jobs.
I work with an autistic guy. He doesn't work well with anyone in the building except me. I just let him ramble about his hobbies for 8 hours while we work the day away. I don't have any interest in 3D printers, but he can spend nearly every shift talking about them. I've mostly been around talkers my entire life, so being a good listener comes naturally to me. I think that's why he's able to talk and work with me so well, is that I actually listen to him.
You are a true MVP. I don't know if this coworker of yours has ever expressed it, but as a fellow autistic, I want you to know that he is very likely incredibly grateful for your listening to their interests.
You are a nice person. I wish more people were like you. I have been misunderstood and socially excluded and bullied out of work environments more than once and I think it's because of communication differences or not communicating at all. If I don't fit in people judge me. And if you don't talk, they assume you're arrogant or distrustful or snobby. If I don't talk to people it's because of me and my social anxiety not anything bad about them 😞
THANK YOU for being a wonderful person. I am lucky I have a few people in my life like you, even if their patience doesn't last as long as 8 hours lol, but I still get people who like to hear me talk, and it means the world. There's something that is very common with ASD's, Adhd'ers, and other ND folks; the dread that creeps in when you've been talking too long, and you can FEEL people start to think you're annoying, and why are you talking about this for SO LONG, and can you shut up already? It always weirds me out that people will talk about something but it's like they have this timer and once it goes off they have to stop talking about it. If it's something you like, why stop? I just don't get it.
It just seems to me like the mainstream jobs most people consider "easy" or "entry level" aren't designed for us, in fact can be sensory/social nightmares.
Exactly or if you can even get them because most people work 4 jobs just to make ends meet so there’s nothing left or they give them all to the African migrants
@naomistarlight6178 For real, the easiest and quietest job I ever had in years, absolutely ever, was when I was employed at the funeral home. All I had to do was secretarial tasks, managing events for families who would be mourning, I didn't have to deal with people daily unless we needed to call the catering agency or the flower shop. Did the job for three and a half years. Any other entry-level job, failed big time and didn't make it through a week. When I told my uncle about this he set me up with a coach. Months later I found a quiet and easy job in HR at the hospital in the medical records & billing office, worked there for four years. Loved it!
Oh, yes, the whole "paying your dues" thing. So much entry level stuff just exposes how hard the social aspect of the job is. I was a cashier for a few months, and a five-hour shift exhausted me. I learned some social stuff, but I was glad to go and sort buckets of ink for more money at the next job. I like working alone, but I can't handle repetitious stuff well.
I was on Benefits and stopped because friends said I don't need it. When I became broke because I had no benefits my friends abandoned me. Don't listen to these people because ultimately they don't care about you. Do what makes you happy and live your life for you.
Ugh they sound gross. People that judge others for being on benefits (whatever the reason may be) are just so ignorant it’s not funny. I love how it’s almost always the people that are neurotypical AND have the luxury of their parents buying them what they want even if they have a job (true story happened to me 🫠) does my absolute head in.
I don’t understand how people can be so judgmental about poor people on benefits? Like fellas, they literally cannot survive without these, the world is already harsh to neurodivergent people as it is.
So, when I'm your ''friend'' and I say stop taking money.... you just stop? And go broke and no food, no home? WTF? With those ''friend'' you don't need enemies! Work on yourself is my advice. Setting boundaries, making decisions for yourself.
I met an autistic person who worked as a car wash clerk. I was asking for too many thing and he said “mam, I’m high functioning autistic, don’t ask me for more than three things at a time!” So I said “ok”, and kept my instructions simple. I think it was nice he communicated that with me, so when I went to that car wash, I was prepared.
This is the kind of attitude we need to have as a society, whether people are our work colleagues or we are the clients or customers, we need to learn patience and tolerance for the differences found in others.
I feel like creative autistics also do SO well if they have the right support, backup, network etc., but you could say that about basically anyone doing anything haha. Just perish is a big vibe
It's even tougher for those of us with the additional diagnosis of dyscalculia. Numbers are my kryptonite. But, working from home really helps me. I started my own Amazon business from home and it really suits me.
Hello, I appreciate this video. I am a high functioning autistic man. I used to work an office job (tech support). One thing I noticed about working in an office is, where I treated it as "just a job", neurotypical people treated it like an extension of their social life, such as taking co workers out to lunch, office gossip and so on. I was often single shamed (more often by men, then women). I cannot fully understand this, but I guess neurotypical people have a hunger, to not only be in a relationship, but judge other people based on their dating/ relationship status. I Another issue, was how to socialize with co-workers. I never saw the point in outside of work activities like company picnic, or other company outings. No thanks, I go to work to get paid, not to socialize. Someone had to explain to me, that you get promoted based on how well you socialize, not how hard you work. I switched careers and found something that works better for me. Can anyone else relate to this
so true. at my first job in a café it never occurred to me that i should make friends with the coworkers there. i was polite and helped them, but i genuinely didn’t realise or know how to make work friends, and i don’t think i really wanted to. i have the same mindset at you - you’re there to just work and get paid. it wasn’t until 3 months in that i realised they had a work groupchat where they would swap shifts, whilst if i asked to swap i was always told no, and i was the only one not in it. i still don’t really know how i could’ve made friends with them, i think my problem was i only spoke to them about work because it was the only thing we had in common, so they thought i was boring or something.
@@ivyeorii I think the logic is, if it was just about money, than anyone could get any job. But the real point is, companies want to offer a "fun culture" to attract the best talent. An entry level job needs people who can do the job, follow orders. But, in say a professional job, they want to hire people with social skills..... this makes the day pass faster. socializing lets the boss know what kind of person you are. When I worked in tech support, there was a smart employee who knew his stuff, but was never promoted, but the manager hired a friend who was clueless.
In a sense, I can relate to the social parts (as I have autism myself). I work as an admin/receptionist and I only socialise when it is work related. Otherwise, I have no intention of doing social activities with co-workers outside work, I just want to do my required hours and get paid, that is it.
I related to everything you said! Especially these parts: 1. Interviews are torture and they expect you to put on a performance. 2. Having a strict morning routine and having to wake up extremely early to get somewhere by 9am 3. Stocking shelves being too social and not wanting a manager to tell me how to do it faster 4. Hating phone calls
As an autistic (as well as other things making daily life difficult) person I can confirm that being forced to lead a "normal" life feels like being waterboarded for 8 to 16 hours a day for 5 to 7 days a week. My mind is not built for a normal job, and even if I am able to do my job amazingly well, I suffer mentally so much every day.
Agreed. Especially on the brain not built for this point. Five days, so many hours a day that you can't get home, eat well, get exercise, and get the sleep they're all telling you to get to "fix" your "problems". But not built for it at all. I eventually break, then it's time to look for a new job, once again.
but what is 'normal job' -- normal is a word and it creates a pre conception of what something is. which might put you off. if you can reserve judgment, more things are possible.
Me too. I’ve always worked though and stay for years but then have breakdowns. I wish I could get financial help so I could work for myself. Maybe we should start some autistic working co-operatives?
Careers are worse than just a job. Careers mean you have to compete with NTs and some of them are cut throat nasty. A job you can turn up to, do and leave behind. A career you have to have 10x the social skills and be able to watch your back. I used to be able to hold a job for about two years before I burnt out. I had a "career" job and they turned on me within a year, if you're in any way competent, and autistic people often are, they will use their Machiavellian social skills to get you out of the way so you're not competition
I was trying to work in an animal shelter as a job where everyone else saw it as a career and I couldn't believe it they saw me as a threat and this is 100% accurate
What drove me crazy, was complaining to coworkers about poor managers, specifically a mean spirited verbally abusive passive aggressive manager. They looked at me like thinking we shouldnt be treated this way was insane. As if demanding the store manager treat his employees with basic respect is completely out of question. "Just shut up and take it, youre overreacting, he's just like that."
Is that an autistic thing? Expecting others to be considerate and respectful and when they're not and you say something about it, everyone treats you like you're the trouble maker? Yeah, I've definitely noticed this. It's like everyone has very low standards. I'm autistic so maybe it is indeed just an autistic thing to stand out from the crowd, point out someone's wrong doing and expect them to change.
That's why I went back to college. I still struggle at the jobs I can get now, but I tend to be given a lot more respect than when I worked hourly jobs.
For me (autistic and ADHD), it’s the other people at work that I struggle with most. It’s like being on high-mask-mode for 8+ hours. I can deal with nice, understanding people, but if anyone is even just a bit of a dick or inconsiderate, I can’t deal with them. I worked in an office for five years and got horrendously depressed as a result. I am now self-employed and work from home and am so much calmer (but I do wish I could have a small, lovely team of colleagues to see once or twice a month). Modern work culture is toxic for neurotypicals, so it’s gonna be worse for neurodivergents and anyone with a long-term mental or physical illness or disability. 😔
Honestly? This is exactly why I loved working with autistic kids. I only would have to mask up a little when dealing with parents or managers, and could relax with my kiddos. I could teach them my tips and tricks for functioning and masking for when they needed (like, "if you can't make eye contact like i can't, you can look at their ear and neurotypicals can't tell the difference!"), but with long stretches of unmasked special interest decompression time between practicing and lessons. Stopped working to start a family BUT if I end up having to work again, that's probably the field I'd go back into.
@@wickedarctiinae4132 my job lends itself to working from home, I went from being an employed translator to a freelance translator. I just had to find myself some clients! :)
Please respond on what you do for work. I can never hold a job for more then a year I burn out and act out and lose my job. Work from home sounds like heaven. Idc how many hours.
My favorite baker had an autistic man selling the goods and it was honestly such a relief to not have to mask there. I always was so happy to go buy there but I could see the other employees micromanaging him and correcting even though he did nothing wrong and was super polite. I swear some neurotypicals just have knee-jerk reactions towards the way we are. Long story short he was let go after only a few weeks and I don’t go there anymore. I am convinced that the reason so many autistic people are unemployed is because neurotypicals don’t know how or sometimes plainly don’t want to work with us.
Autistic people are not suitable for normal jobs because doing job "the normal way" is to fake it as much as you can and play a social game as good as you can. None of this autistic are good at ! Being dedicated to a job is perceived as a threat by normies ...
I believe the reason it’s difficult for neurodivergent people to work is the intolerance of neurotypical people, and it goes beyond the job performance, it’s all about fitting in with the rest, if you don’t have those generally acceptable social behaviors, then you’re an outcast. Neurodivergent people can actually do their job very well if it weren’t for intolerance.
Well we ND can adapt by masking but I’ve found that drains our already small social battery even quicker . That tends to leave us feeling more irritable and anxious . Oh and the older we get the harder it is to mask . At my age 39 I find even very casual social situations(in checkout lines for example) to be annoying and draining so I try to avoid them. I have no answers
I hit 40 this year and my masking abilities are at 0. I can't work with NTs cos I find them manipulative and demanding but never directly communicating what they need. You have to guess. I loved the work I've done over the years but every time I've lost my job or had to leave because of NT behaviour. You get singled out really quickly and become the scapegoat, it's not worth it
That and I just find they are just so gd infuriating to deal with. Hi, I'm in design. In order to do your project, this, this and this must happen. Hi, I'm the client. I apparently have the iq of a goldfish. I understand that you explained this to me, but this is too complicated for my brain to wrap around, now I'm going to add in a bunch of non sequitur questions and then ask you to repeat it to me. ME being the over thinker, over explainer that I am, now feel I must explain in great detail to try and avoid confusion. Oh shit, I over explained and now I can just see their eyes glaze over and everything I just said, nothing sunk in. Oh and then everything I said can't be done, they turn around and say "But I thought you said you were going to do this!!??" Every TIME. I just want to make a thing, and be like. Here just buy the damn thing and do not ask me questions. I do not know how to deal with your brain thinking bits. I really don't.
@@RenegadeContext Also this. I have had multiple jobs where I pointed out a problem. Problem did not get addressed. Problem became a bigger problem. I got blamed for said problem.
So many coworkers in my past job complained about me being "unfriendly" and "mean" and started all kinds of terrible rumors about me. All because I just CAN'T make friendships or have conversations like a normal person. I tried and succeeded for a while, but it became so exhausting to MASK EVERYDAY that I just couldn't do it anymore. They think I avoid "happy hour" and similar things because I think I'm better than them, no, it's because I just don't feel comfortable in these settings. Just let me do my damn job.
I had to leave a good job with benefits because of this. I just wanted to work and work together but not necessarily socialize. The jackals didn't like that so they proceeded to try and "throw me under the bus."
I can somewhat relate to this because I have just stopped trying to socialize and it's really surprising how people react. If you don't tell them what type of person you are then it's just an open door for them to make huge assumptions and it's always going to be based off of small details.
This is so relatable to listen to. I'm high-masking. Because of that, everyone around me, including my family, thinks that I am capable of working. Every time I try to explain why I and the NT work environment are not compatible, they dismiss my very real problems as "just nerves". I've been fired from every job I've ever had because of my autistic behaviours. In the end, the cycle of anxiety and rejection had ground me down so much that I had a nervous breakdown that left me unable to talk or leave the house for three years. Firing people for being disabled is technically illegal but employers still feel they are entitled to bend the law whenever it suits them and never seem to be punished for it. I have a university degree and straight As at A-Level and GCSE, but the way that I experience autism makes me 99% unemployable. I became so burned out and suicidal that I had no choice but to give up and sign onto PIP and ESA benefits. Often I can barely afford to eat because the amount I am paid is so minuscule compared to inflation. I see my NT friends holding down successful jobs and being able to do things like go on holiday and buy new things, while I just can't, and it makes me feel so depressed and excluded. It's just another reminder of the fact I'm different. It makes me hate myself and feel nothing but resentment for the world. I often find myself thinking in my head: "Why was I born like this? I'd rather I'd never existed at all." It honestly feels like being punished for an accident of birth, one which I had no control over or say in. Forcing people into poverty because they PHYSICALLY CAN'T conform to the NT status quo is a dictatorial level of cruelty. I and all other autistic people deserve to live a comfortable life, free of discrimination and the threat of not being able to meet our human needs.
I understand you, just got fired from my 12 job 3 weeks ago. Ive work that many since I was 26, im 32 now. each one gets harder and harder, but at least the last one was semi reasonable, lasted 12 months.
But since it’s nobodies fault, it’s nobodies problem. In that case who is there to be accountable for being born like this. Just an unfortunate accident. But I know a woman that was gorgeous, and brilliant( she was a chemical engineer as well as a high fashion model and professional athlete.) Recently she came down with dementia, her love of 17 years gutted her life savings and took off, she had to involve her brother to help her and he took power of attorney over her. He kept her in squalor and filth. She had an open wound on her foot and stepped in dog mess in that filthy house. Her friend noticed she had an infection and told him. He blew it off so she called a social worker. By that time it turned gangrenous. She lost her foot. Now she is in hospice at her brother’s house and he is her caregiver. Do you can have it all and still finish off worse than anybody else. Life never promised fairness. Just be happy for what you do have while you have it. It could always be worse.
Neurotypical people don't understand neurodivergent people and are quick to assign blame - be it calling them lazy, dumb, not putting in the effort etc. It does not make sense because, for example, if a plant is not growing well, people will understand that it is because the environmental conditions are not right, there is no appropriate amount of water/soil/sunlight etc. Yet people do not attempt to show such understanding to each other. There is no empathy under modern day capitalism; people are reduced to their economic worth and usefulness to corporations.
This made me cry, I'm 35 and I haven't been able to do it. But I'm not diagnosed yet. I've suspected I am autistic for so long now, but when I talk to my parents or the few people I know they always seem to invalidate it. And I cry because I don't know what to do. I have been looking for jobs left and right, but I cry at every single interview. I feel like I'm loosing my mind. My country isn't the US, there isn't a whole lot of information about this in Portugal, let alone about autism in women in particular. I've only learned about masking recently, and I started crying because suddenly everything made so much sense. Is that why people can't tell? I'm completely lost. I will try get myself an appointment with a new doctor, I just hope they believe me and don't just shrug it off like everybody else. Thank you so much for your video. Thank you.
My family refuses to even so much as to " imagine " that i am ..... ( autistic ) .... just because i am stubborn enough to hang onto jobs .... Nobody knows for sure how much i struggle - getting / keeping a job . its not even about doing the work - for me ? ... its a lot more to do with dealing with "humons " ... the so - called normal ones .
It's not important if you are autistic or not. You may not be, but that doesn't change the fact that you have a problem and it seems like it is out of your control to fix it. Some people just need external help. Hopefully new doctor will see that. Good luck :)
People don't listen to me and my family, well, they have no feelings. I'm autistic, but they call me "retarded" and it hurts. I'm all alone and nobody cares. It's a Terrible feeling.
My family plays it down as well. They’re all socially successful. I never have been. I try to explain to them that I cannot do these things alone, but they try to tell me I’m perfectly fine. I don’t need someone to tell me I’m fine when I’m not, I need help. I try to explain I can’t manage life alone, like bills, buying groceries, feeding myself, cleaning, etc. and they play it down.
My take is that as autististic people, we're more susceptable to exploitation and abuse, thus the HUGE narcissistic population sees us as easy targets, and the general population are enablers.
the shame that comes with not being able to hold down a job as an adult is debilitating. it’s so hard being the only one in my family who didn’t graduate college and doesn’t work. i hate meeting new people and being asked “what do you do” and then seeing the look of judgement on their face when i don’t have an answer for them. i wish i wasn’t like this. i wish i could function normally and have a career and an abundance of relationships
I see all these videos where people are proudly autistic, saying things like ,"Autism is a superpower." It truly is a mixed bag at best. My social skills improved markedly from school years, but years of temporary jobs just leave me with an underlying current of anxiety. I don't believe the diversity statements from companies when they are unwilling to train truly entry-level people or make workspaces less stimulating.
I’ve always worked but it was never easy. One time I was working at a McDonald’s and my poor brain had had enough and I sat down on the floor right behind the checkout counter and put my head between my knees and shut out the world for about an hour. It was weird, people just walked around me like I wasn’t there, like the sight of one of the employees in the fetal position behind the front counter was so out of place that their brains rejected it. Then I got up and finished my shift. I could feel my whole body marinating in stress hormones at the end of every day at that place. But it wasn’t like I had a choice. Working as a programmer is thankfully much better.
I understand what you mean when you say that it was so out of place that people ignored you, its why I ignore the homeless sometimes I force myself to interact with these people however its feeling immense guilt for them that keeps me from treating them as normal. I believe its why people at large ignore the homeless and by extension not do enough to solve these problems on a more local level. People likely ignored you because like you said it was such an unusual situation that they likely were afraid of messing up themselves were they to have engaged you during moments of deregulation. Goes to show that there will need to be some training on how to respond to people with these conditions, only issue is that there may be to phew to justify those training hours for most companies Im not justifying this just saying it as a matter of fact. That must suck ass... sorry man.
I'm sorry it had to happen, but I'm glad everyone gave you a moment to clock out. The one hour to just condense yourself and zone out helps more than people realize
I am so sorry This happened to you. It is sad that Nobody helped you. I had a „simular“ Situation while i Worked in a Hotel. One day The Stress and stimuli where just too much for me to handle so i bacame literally disy and my nose started bleeding. I felt , like you Said, The Stress hormones and even some Adrenalin at a point. My chef just told me to Continue Working.
My very first job experience was, I washed flour at a warehouse using a special machine. There was a cleaning lady who worked alongside me. I thought that if I'm efficient and get the job that was on my contract done quickly, then I should be able to just rest, until someone orders me to do something. I never refused to do anything, I just did as much as I was obliged/asked to. Then I sat around and waited for more work to do, happy that I was efficient and able to fulfill my duties faster than I was expected to. After some time, the atmosphere at work grew sore. People started to ostracize me. It turned out that the cleaning lady had a huge issue with me not helping her (which was not what I was hired to do; I operated the machine, she was doing other things) and she probably spread gossip about me. The thing is, I totally would have been happy to help her, if she ever said anything before doing this to me. It's just that in my mind she had her job, and I had mine, and I was doing my job just fine. It doesn't keep me up at night, it just shows how weird things can get. Granted, it was my first job, so maybe it could have happened to anyone. I don't know.
She definitely sounds like it's her issue. If she never once asked you to help and expected you to mind read then she's the one with the problem. Some things are assumed to be obvious by neurotypical people. But after it happened a few times a decent person who have asked for help to see if you would be willing to do so when explicitly asked, instead of never saying a word and spreading mean gossip.
She definitely could have had the decency to bring it up with you before turning everyone against you. How could you have known? Some jobs forbid people from helping staff in other positions for goodness sake
@@misteryA555 There were like 50 or more people working there. Everyone did his part, and my part was to wash the floor. No one ever came to help me out with the washing, and I would never go to, say, an accountant to help him with the accounting. In general, everyone did his job and not somebody else's job. The sad lesson here: people tend to care about you seeming to do something and not about what is actually done. Besides, you may be right that possibly I shouldn't have legally helped her unless ordered by the superior, because what if something happened to me, like industrial detergent getting into my eye and blinding me? The insurance could have failed to cover it, because I wasn't doing the thing I was supposed to.
People at work who get angry I didn't do something that I wasn't told i was supposed to do when they didn't tell me to deserve to feel my shoe up their ass. Sorry i don't have mind reading powers like you neurotypicals.
PSA: Benefits are not actually that easy to get when you are autistic. Time after time, people like us are overlooked because maybe the assessment caught us on one of our good days, or maybe they write you off as being "high functioning" (ew) or "not that disabled" (also ew) and it's just assumed that we can just fit in with society with just a little push in the right direction. I'm autistic and work a 40h a week retail job. I've done it for 5 years and I hate it with a passion but I have slowly and painfully adjusted my routine around it. Wake up, coffee, meds, relax until an hour before my shift starts then get dressed, brush teeth and hair, clean face and then walk the 20 mins to work, and still get there 20-25 mins early. I work with the general public and I hate it, but my acting skills have never been so good. I have regular customers come to me to ask advice on things they think I'm an expert on but honestly I just bullshit my way through it all lmao. The worst part is making small talk when I'm serving on the till and I have to wait for a barcode. "If it doesn't scan does that mean its free?" NO IT FUCKIN DOESNT but I can't say that so I have to laugh and try to not be awkward because I don't know what to talk about. My job is fine for a neurotypical, or someone that enjoys socialising, but I have to mask so heavily I feel like nobody actually knows who I am. My body often hurts because I have to stop myself from outwardly stimming whilst I'm at work. It's a blessing I have found some good friends in the other people working on my department, one of whom is also autistic. What people never talk about it affordability as well. I can't afford to drop down to less hours or get a job elsewhere because firstly, that means changing literally like 50% of my WHOLE LIFE, and secondly I can't risk the job instability by going somewhere else, because I might end up homeless if I can't afford to pay my rent anymore because I got sacked for being shit. So I have to suffer in a job that literally requires me to be a completely different person just to survive, because, and I refer back to the start of my comment, benefits are not that fucking easy to get, and the process is more often than not incredibly long-winded and invasive. God it's nice to get some of this off my chest. Thank you for the video, it made me feel like someone actually understands for a change :)
One of the things I've struggled with is that, the older I get, the more it becomes a problem that my CV has so many short-term job experiences. My autism has resulted in me not really being able to keep a job for very long, and the problem compounds as you get older.
Same, sometimes I have luck with listing skills and interesting projects as the main focus, instead of organizing them by job. Then I don't go to the interview and never talk to them again, as is tradition
OMGthis. And if I were to apply right now for a job, how would I explain the previous 5 years of unemployment due to agoraphobia? Would you hire someone who can't guarantee that they will be able to reliably come to work when they are scheduled?
i worked a job for a lady once helping her around her home. it was difficult for me because she'd give me like a dozen tasks at once. one day she sat me down for a performance review and completely tore me apart. she concluded saying she was helping me get ready for a real job and this is how a real boss would treat me. i was trying to hold back tears and explain if she gave me tasks in small little brackets and let me do like three things before giving me the next three things, i could handle it better. she got so mad and told me that no boss would put up with me in the real world. it destroyed my self confidence about being able to work for a boss.
I can't tell you how comforting it is to hear you describing things that I go through as well and that I know it I tried to explain to a neurotypical they would give me the weirdest look for it. Thank you for that ♡
Right? It’s so depressing. I thought I had a job and they did a background check and it’s been like almost two days I’m just sick of being disappointed…plus some individuals I come across say things like, “well this is the job hopefully we didn’t scare you away” so now I feel like I have this look on my face where I’m afraid all the time and most of the people who interview me have no interview skills it’s not that hard for them to ask questions about me and feel like no one cares
@@mariahconklin4150I'm going tell you this, no one truly cares fr. These professionals are also so lazy, sneaky, and manipulative... The workforce is a joke...
Actually read a post a while back by someone who quoted a study that had been done on it and apparently neurotypical people are incapable of empathizing with the autistic?@@mariahconklin4150
I work a job where I sit in my room all day, typing. It's boring. It's uneventful. It pays poorly. But I deal with no people, have no schedule and get to sit here and watch what I want or play whatever games I want and stop when I want to. Before that I worked 5 years of an abusive customer service job doing tech support. Worst time of my life, actually made me want to commit S word several times. I'm now 34 and realizing how much of my life was affected by not realizing I might be autistic. The hardest part is, I know what I do know pays bad and I should aim for better pay but I just don't wanna drop a job that keeps me mentally safe to get more money.
honestly, even for typical people that line of work is particularly dreadful. i honestly believe that for the benefit of everyone we need less bullshit jobs that are there for the sake of generating profit one or a few people just because they want more money. it would definitely help everyone and particularly neurodivergent people if we drastically reduced the amount of bullshit that exists and the bullshit jobs that need to be done as a result and if we were able to break the stigma against... you know... just doing whatever you desire
@@thesaintnoodle There aren't really bullcrap jobs -- each job is there to help other people, otherwise it wouldn't exist. There are certain toxic things that can happen that can prevent a *particular* job from functioning correctly, but that's not because the job isn't worthwhile. In theory, at least. Bureaucracy has the ability to build up bullcrap jobs, mostly in administration, but I think that's because there's a lot of people who just want to tell other people what to do (and it's the source of toxicity for many jobs!). I just wish I could find something that can help other people, that I can do on my own, that draws on my abilities, so I wouldn't have to interact with the people I'm trying to help!
I can relate to this. Worked in a call centre for PC World years back and it was the worst job ever for me. one day I was so unhappy I nearly drove my car into on coming traffic to avoid work.
To be honest, I feel like many work environments are not very accommodating to people in general who don't quite follow the norm, not only neurodivergent people but also those who are "just" introverted or "different" in some other way. Just look at job ads, seems they're almost always looking for an extroverted person who's a "team player", likes to work at a high tempo with many things going on at the same time and can handle stressful situations well. Problem is, there are many out there who don't fit that description but that doesn't mean we're completely incapable of working, most people can do well if the circumstances are right. So I very much agree with what you said about "work environments don't work for us" and I think it would benefit many if this changed, but unfortunately I don't think it will change any time soon... 😢
It always baffles me when employers claim that they have a "fast paced" work environment, as if anybody wants to spend most of their life being constantly rushed off their feet. I'm also not impressed when they advertise the minimum amount of paid leave that they can get away with offering, as if that's something to brag about. Couple that with offers of a "competitive salary", which is such a blatant lie that it's never worth applying, and it's clear that the system is so rigged in favour of bad actors who are rewarded for treating people like garbage that any attempt finding a job that doesn't make you absolutely miserable outside of going self employed and risking going bankrupt for reasons outside of your control is a fool's game, especially if you are neurodivergent.
Ads ask for 20 years experience at 18-year-old software, and a recent degree in a specialty that doesn't have accredited degree programs yet. They're unrealistic.
Wow. This comment made me feel very seen. I am an introvert who gets overwhelmed easily by work and all the sensory input. It's all just a big act half the time then I come home and take out my exhaustion on my family....it's not fair.
It always comes down to the hierarchy power plays/popularity game/ ego insecurities. Ultimately, are you liked enough by those who have the influence/power? That is what matters most over competency etc. It is not fair or rational.
Dude, it's a job just looking for a job. Lol. And to actually apply for just one job (in addition to finding it) is like a marathon for me. Part time was exhausting and draining for me. Yeah, i can't ethically promote myself for an interview like an arrogant salesperson. Modesty and humility seem underrated sadly.
That’s when I first started to notice that something wasn’t right with me. I was like 20 and in great shape physically but working a mere 2-3 hours wiped me out completely. I didn’t even find out about autism Til age 39 so what a mess.
Even for neurotypicals it's horrible. Tons of people just fall into bad patterns in life after struggling with a job. It's actually kinda sad cuz it just means how horrible of a world we live in lol
I find I have to completely fall in love with a job listing; and see no red flags, before I can customize the resume itself to submit for that position-then consult friends about how the hell people write cover letters these days-then send it and anticipate the rejection letter. Because of my rejection-sensitive dysphoria. It can easily mean 9 months between gigs. Because each day of the job hunt begins with "There must be some kind of hack I'm not understanding." Because normal people just submit resumes and get jobs. And add to that "Let me make coffee before I start scrolling the listings today." And then I find myself cleaning the kitchen cabinets before the coffee is done. "Oh, crap! I was doing job hunt today."
I know I'm slightly off - topic . . .. . but this helps to point out ( to me - anyhow ) that in most companies that I have worked at .... In most if not ALL job descriptions . . .. . at or near the bottom of the page , in very small type ..... IS LISTED " OTHER DUTIES - AS - ASSIGNED " What they do not say is that these other duties may become dumped upon you as added - expected duties at no added pay to your already underpaid - self . . . . there needs to be a point at which the employer MUST PAY EXTRA ! For these extra " duties " ...... In my case , I have done the job of two or more people , at the pay of ONE ...... And , YES !! I agree that finding a good - fit - job : IS very hard work and is very exhausting to do .....
Job interviews are awful. They are just an exercise in how good you can lie to the employer. If you tell the truth it is the quickest way to not get the job. Grade A Under A has a very good video on job interviews, also Sg. Ducky.
Right. Job interviews are where they weed out the neurodivergent applicants. I can’t help but be overly honest. My mom thinks that I can just apply to Target or Staples, as if the third time is the time in interviewing for both of them. She thinks that my interviewing skills will have improved over time. She is wrong. After 100 rejections, and 100 toxic and ableist work environments, I only get more angry, fed up, and impatient with wasting my time in these job interviews. I keep trying to explain to my mom how ableist retail is, but every time I bring up my reality and absolute logic to my mom about things that negatively impact me, it either goes in one ear and out the other, or she gaslights me and accuses me of being irresponsible and making excuses, when she has no idea what it’s like being disabled. She has a lot of narcissistic qualities, especially lack of self awareness or empathy skills.
Here in the US, The Truth will ensure that you won't be able to get Social Security Disability Insurance. In their attempt to build a system that would weed out benefits fraud, they built a system where you have to commit fraud to gain the benefits.
I am learning about being HONEST about being FULL of S#!7!!! The trick is that when you LIE that you are using body language and right tone of voice to let the person know you are HONEST about being full of BS!!!
I dread the idea of doing interviews. I had one for Walmart and I felt stupid afterwards. Im not a very talkative and social person and lying isn't really my thing either. Why are interviews a thing even after you feel out an application. I hate it so much.
I've worked with and trained around a dozen people with disabilities/Neurodivergence (I never asked for their diagnosis so I can't be more specific). In my experience, they have been some of the most reliable employees I have had the opportunity to work with. There are often certain considerations that need to be made for them, but the considerations have never outweighed the benifits of their labour. Typically, I've found I can just ask them about their needs, their skill sets, and their learning desires, then I can tailor the training and work for them. Sometimes they need detailed, step by step, written guides. Sometimes they need me to show them 15 times (the individual asked for specifically 15 demonstrations), sometimes they might decide the job is just too much and leave part way through. The important thing, as employers, supervisors, and trainers, is to listen to their needs BEFORE you start training, and figure out how to accommodate them. And really, you should be doing that for every one.
@timparhamsr9598 I wish more were like you too..seems Dime used to be patient, too many are impatient even have some disability themselves um hypocrite or are a bully
I couldn't relate more... all my life I've been told I'm smart & talented, and I pick up new skills/etc. super fast, so most people in my life see no reason why I'd struggle to hold down a job. But I've learned that none of that matters if you can't sustainably keep up with the "basic requirements" of jobs. Stuff like "showing up (prepared) at a scheduled time," "putting in a consistent amount of effort every day," "matching your energy levels & output to other people's deadlines," etc. I can do amazing things, sure, but I can't do them on other people's timelines, to meet other people's goals, and I can't just keep working & pumping out mediocre stuff when my brain just needs a break. There are so many jobs I'd love to try, so many things I'd love to help people with, and yet I haven't found a sustainable way to get paid for any of it. So many jobs have just ended in mental breakdowns. Even a special interest & bachelor's degree in a STEM field couldn't save me from burning out of everything. I wish the world was different. 😔 I wish I knew what to do.
this is me. i've recently been fired from a company after 4 years that people say there, 'its difficult to get fired here'. welp. i feel good, they fired me. i dont know what to do. i have another doctor appt that im dreading cuz i know i will not be able to communicate with the doctor all that goes on with me.... i dont belong here.
I feel all of you guys' pain. I'm currently nearing the two year point in my current office /admin job and want to leave so badly but can't think of anything else that I'd rather do (and could get paid for AND that would be sustainable long term). The thought of looking through job offers that all sound awful or lying through my teeth at an interview makes me so anxious and hopeless. Having to explain that to anyone I talk to about it feels so exhausting and shameful because I know most people won't understand. I hope everyone here who struggles with this finds a new way forward soon ❤
My thing is : i have such a thing about having a very rigid schedule ( routine). . . Even the smallest variation will trigger a snowball sort of event of feeling out of control . . . . .. .. . i just get to feeling helpless . . . . .
Second person in this comment thread that says "world" instead of "capitalism" for some reason. Just say it like it is. There is no need to pretend this is how the world actually objectively works.
There are certainly autistic people with jobs or who have had jobs but sadly bad employment experiences and a difficult employment history are the norm. The interview is often a huge hurdle as employers - whatever they claim officially - are making social judgements on who they think will "fit in" and that massively favours neurotypicals. Too often they just appoint someone similar to themselves or their current staff which is why in many jobs you find people of similar age, gender and social background. Anyone who is different (this doesn't just apply to autism) tends to be rejected. For some jobs the interview is less important and nor is past experience as they are desperate for workers but these tend to be really challenging, low status jobs with poor conditions - ironically the ones that those least suited to them tend to be directed to. This often - predictably - leads to failure and then the job has to be filled again, usually with the same results. The phrase "be careful what you wish for" is too often true, especially in employment and there are sadly too many cases where people (neurotypicals as well) wish they had never got certain jobs. The workplace is really challenging for autists due to all the social issues as well as the practical side of the job. A minority of autists do well because they have very supportive managers, colleagues and service users or they somehow find a job that chimes with their interests and special skills. For most though working life is hard. It's not enough to find a job and keep it, the most important thing is not just to survive but thrive. By this I don't necessarily mean being a big success at work and "getting to the top". Sometimes just being in a job where you feel comfortable, are valued by those around you and don't approach every day with dread or have bad memories and harrowing experiences that can haunt you even years after you've left. I think what is really needed is some kind of agency that specialises in finding suitable employment for autists - not just getting them into any job but a good job that is right for them. I'm sure it can be done but the will from those at the top isn't there. Work - or not having it - is a big part of life and it can be so much better handled so that far fewer people have bad experiences and far more get so much more out of it.
Animals is the answer. Look at the very autistic woman who spoke to Jordan Peterson, aquarium coop says they kinda prefer people like that, and the average farmer seems… at least somewhat on the spectrum.
There are some companies, which do exactly that, e.g. specialisterne or auticon, to name two. But they only have IT-Jobs to offer. (And maybe the risk of beeing exploited as a cheap employer is much higher) I'm happy, that I found a Job at a university, which fits for me. That job has some advantages over 'normal jobs' in money-driven companies, e.g. that the jobs are generally less stressfull and that you have a small advantage, if you're disabled (they have to take you then, if professionally you're on the same level as the other applicants. And under some circumstances autism is considered as disability.).
Which is sensible. Having a team that fits together is generally more important than individual performance in a lot of areas. Most jobs aren't difficult, they just need a good atmosphere and a bit of team spirit to keep rolling along. If you know that you're the odd one out, that will probably seem unfair to you. But anyone who has a bit of experience in how their hiring decisions play out in the everyday work will likely become actively and consciously biased towards a certain amount of sameness.
I don't know that this advice will apply to you but remote work has been a godsent for me and might be worth a try. It's also way more available since COVID. I worked from home translating stuff for people who are deaf or hoh. I didn't need a certain outfit, I didn't need to be on video camera, there were no meetings or calls, it was just me listening to music typing away for minimum wage at home. Plus I just worked part time which let me recover.
Wait please how did you find this and with who, what kind of experience do you need for it idk if i could even get that I've been struggling so hard to find work and this sounds so perfect for me.
@@brimarie4196 awesome! Indeed is my main go to. I'm not that fast at typing I don't think. But not that slow either. Guess I could try testing myself. And practice it if it's not good enough. Thank you so much for responding you may have just been a godsend to me. 🙏🩷
I have a job. I'm what is considered a functional autistic person. It is painful. It is torture. I'm literally grinding myself to dust. I trying to get some money together so I can buy some land in some backwater so that I can build myself a hut and run as far away as I can. I don't know if it is the social anxiety or the autism that makes it literally physically painful for me, but it is. The stress of it causes me physical pain
I'm with you, I've tried all sorts of different jobs, finally at 35 I've gotten support from the government and totally dropped out of society, and I'm happier, actually. Interviews are the worst.
I’m an 18 year old with autism and I’m currently in a program that helps young adults with mild developmental disabilities to learn the skills needed to find and maintain a job that is most suitable for us and that we enjoy. We learned all the steps to getting a job like how to make a resume, how to answer the job interview questions and will learn how to interact with coworkers and employers. They also help us find jobs that are best for us. It’s going great so far, the instructors are great my classmates are great too.
The problem too isn't just us autistic people needing to learn, many of us know all the social stuff, but it still won't work if the other people around you simply don't accept you, people need to be raised to treat each other better, and then put social skills we do have can shine better, anything new who tells me it's ok and genuinely lets me explain myself for 5 seconds can see I'm fine outside of my brain and body behaving in such manners, sometimes the stress chemicals and everything else is just too much and it can be easily over come when others let me know I'm not about to get in trouble or lose out on something because they don't understand.
I can completely relate. I have an education, but it doesn't help at all. I currently work an extremely part-time job cleaning the bathrooms, breakroom, and sales floor at a big box store. The ways I struggle in this low tech, low demand exercise are ridiculous even to me. After two weeks, I'm on the 2nd day of a shutdown and can't articulate a reason. There's just no place for me. I don't know why. And even if I knew why, I don’t know what to do about it. If I knew what to do, I'd do it for all I'm worth. It's humiliating and infuriating.
PM me , ..... I really don't know for sure , but ? I'd be willing to try to assist you somehow - even if its a shot in the dark , ok ? ...... I have had many years of being the odd man - out ,... so to speak , 67 yrs old , still working / struggling every day ... sometimes I break it down to even if i can just make it this next 15 minutes ......
For some reason this quote changed my life: “If you can’t be on time, be early.” I was always 10 minutes late, then someone said this to me and I stopped having trouble. It’s a completely different mindset and A LOT less stressful.
The struggle with ADHD is that even if you listen to this advice, now you're sat at work 10-15 minutes early twiddling your thumbs not knowing wtf to do. Like it bores me to death. I kind of hate being early. You just sit there.
Getting a job for me has always been difficult. I'm an old-school aspie who wasn't diagnosed until way into adulthood, so I thought as a kid, "I can do whatever I want! Dream big!" I joined the military at 18 (because I just wanted to). I sucked at it at first, but managed to make it up to the NCO ranks, but knew I wasn't getting any higher, because I realized in short order that I had no leadership skills. Next was college which I loved. I was really good at humanities subjects and a natural at scholarship. I thought, "Cool, I can go to grad school and be a professor!" Turns out, at grad school, I was terrible at teaching, and had no grasp of the cutthroat politics involved. I stopped at a Masters, went to library school. After a decade in the field, I was decent, but had did not enjoy project development (which requires a lot of collaboration). I left, an am now a legal assistant, which is perfect. I do my job, don't have to deal with a lot of people, and it pays well. Ding ding! I realize this is as far as I'm getting in life, and I'm fine with that.
I worked at a call center for a major cell phone company here in the US and i HATED it. When your a customer service rep in a call center your talking calls from angry people so they scream obscenities at you. I left that job without giving notice.
I have processing disorder and it annoys me to no end when supervisors tell me to do a task a certain way and I have to explain to them that I need to do things one at a time because I can't process information as fast as them. It's frustrating.
My experience: I worked at a farmers market for a few weeks, twice a week. I worked at two horse barns, which was fine. I worked in a restaurant kitchen and it was absolute hell. The sensory issues were horrendous and so were my bosses. I was yelled at for telling someone to watch out because I carried a heavy box and they were in my way. Still don't understand this one, but ok. I was then fired for a misunderstanding. I asked to switch shift (to visit my sister), my boss told me to decide if I wanted to work that day or to visit my sister. I realized that he didn't just mean THAT DAY when I was kicked out of the WhatsApp group, aka fired. I worked at a wine shop for 7 months which wasn't too bad. But I also went back to school during that time and it was awful. I couldn't cope and my boss wanted me to work more during Christmas season and was a complete asshole about it, so I quit. I've been working at a drug store for over 9 months. I started with 6 hours per week, now I work part time with 15 hours per week. Starting January I will be working 10. And honestly, I think about quitting every day. It's so exhausting. It's too loud and bright and some people are just awful. I get so tired of my own voice, those stupid jokes customers make, repeating the same stupid lines over an over. If it weren't for the amazing team and boss and the fact that I can walk to get there I wouldn't have lastet so long. I do enjoy stocking the shelves and organizing things. But being at the register is disgusting. People are disgusting. And rude and entitled. I need at least a whole day to recover, often more. It's not at all sustainable. I probably could work more hours. But I would then need someone to cook and clean for me, because I'm not able to. I don't have any interest besides watching TV anymore. I'm too exhausted. I haven't worked out in months, not even went for a walk with my mom which we love to do. Not to mention the time it takes to process every day stuff. Even worse - bad interactions. And it takes a toll on my body. So, it's the wrong job for me, like most jobs are. But I can't think of a better solution that's realistic. And the thought of change and interviews and being new freaks me out.
I think our struggles with employment is a symptom of a much larger problem. Why fire someone over a single misunderstanding? It makes no sense. Something is not right, or maybe they were looking for an excuse to fire you for some other reason (like not liking you personally) ?
@@az-tl3mh I don't think it was the misunderstanding. While they definitely are shitty people who have done some very shady things, I definitely wasn't a great employee. Not awful, just not made for the restaurant world. Too slow, little knowledge, introverted.
@@az-tl3mh The "larger problem" is capitalism. Compensation and accomodations ultimately mean nothing if the goalpost for personhood and being able to live a fulfilling life, whatever that means for you, are constantly moving. If you have a complaint to make about the way you're treated, especially in a job or other institutional setting, use that energy to take action politically. If you have the resources to start an org, join one that's already established, attend whatever meetings you need to to really materially change things, then I encourage doing so. Voting alone will not fix this issue, as neurodivergent people are often not even on the ballots themselves to have a chance to lead anything, nor are our issues ever mentioned in public discourse until another mass s******g occurs when someone is needed to take blame for events they had no hand in instead of g*ns, as grim as it sounds. I have long suspected myself of being someone who struggles with these issues, and the reality is that people who don't have it as bad as you are perfectly willing to let you rot in misery while blaming you for your circumstances of not succeeding at work or school, especially in The States where social safety nets are meaningfully nonexistent, so you gotta advocate for yourself where possible. This issue didn't begin, nor will it end, with you if the current way we handle the clashes between neurodivergence and our world aren't properly addressed. Some people just aren't inclined to exist in certain ways, and there needs to be more grace, understanding, and freedom regarding that, but the catch is giving up the idea of feeling like you have to appeal to neurotypicals on their terms to have rights. Sorry for ranting but jobs and neurodivergence is such a big point of discussion for me personally, and I wish more videos like this one existed to better cover the realities instead of dressing up lack of compatibility in certain kinds of work with a message to just "try harder" or "mindset/grindset" your way through it directed towards those who pass as low accomodation needs, but anyway.
totally agree with the register thing. two years ago over christmas i worked temporarily in a department store and spent about 8 hours a day only at the register. i begged my manager to let me at least switch sometimes to do stock because, whilst i am good at customer service, its basically me masking very hard for a very long time. she refused. i’d have a script in my head of what to say to people but they’d try to start conversations with me and if i tried to think of something on the spot it always fell flat and made it awkward. not to mention the constant stress of having 5+ people in a line wanting you to hurry up. i ended up quitting after about 2 months. idk how people can do it full time, because just doing the hours that i did exhausted and overwhelmed me to the point where id spend my time not at work alone in my room recuperating.
Yeah this is how I feel too. You can sort of push yourself but very little ends up being too much and the rest of your life after work turns into sleeping or very close to it. Exercise, tidying, even self cleanliness goes down the drain when they ask for more hours in a week than you can handle. They get upset over you not turning on the one ugly florescent lamp that you don't need to see just fine. Or some other silly things. I can't seem to understand anyone that isn't good with English as I miss pretty much every nonverbal cue they give, so much so that another person bad at English of a different country ends up being better at understanding than I do.
I completely relate to what you said about just getting up and leaving school like it wasn't even a choice. A lot of the people 'in authority' in my life at that point punished me for it, there was a belief that I was just being uncooperative and not caring about my education, but actually, it was the very overwhelming environment. The expectations, the socialising, the busy hallways between class with so many loud conversations at once. I would just leave, and then teachers would drive up to the road where I was walking to force me back. I hope schools are starting to realise now that it's a sign of struggling, not of being anti-authoritarian and difficult.
I thought I was the only one. Teachers complained about me being too quiet. But the whole school environment was overwhelming. I had to shutdown to survive.
@@myosotismalva same here. All I wanted and wished I had a time machine to do, was to sit in the quiet of the library and flip through textbooks. I would have completed the entire math textbook for each year in a term. If that. And I'd be hungry for more. Autistic students who are 2E are so wildly overlooked and left to barely survive the sensory onslaught of school, while being thrust upon with the expectation they must thrive academically, because they're "gifted" but "not putting in enough effort". Oh, there I go again, writing a "convoluted" sentence 🙄, but seriously, maybe the issue isn't that "I'm not enough" and it is really the environment is TOO MUCH. I wanted to go find less, but was afraid of confrontation for most of my teen years. I wish I got go back and drag myself out of that noisy 8R (yes, that R stands for exactly what you think it does) "mixed ability" class, set me up with some gentle lo-fi playing through noise cancelling headphones and leave a personalised itinerary for the year with several stacks of books. But no, I had to put my head on the desk cause everything was too loud and the teachers never explained sh*t in a sensical way.
As an ADHD'er who gave up after several carreer attempt, I'm vibing with every one of your reasons why it's not working for me as well. I felt overwelmed all the time, even when it was not a workday. Because there were so many hurdles to take to be sure I'd get there. Thank you for this video
I'm autistic and on US disability, I have a really bad time with jobs, related to panic attacks/shutdowns/meltdowns. They barely acknowledged that I was autistic in the disability process, so I had to push the anxiety angle.
Just nervous threw up this morning 😅 after going into burnout from a call center job that I did 6 days a week I now can barely talk to a stranger at all without wanting to run away so yea don’t do call center lol
Man, I had to do highly technical work literally sat next to a 30-person call centre 10 hours a day. It made me properly physically unwell. Can’t imagine how much worse it would be to actually have to do the call centre job.
I believe I'm on the spectrum, but I don't have an official diagnosis. It was a very strong suspicion when I was a child, but my mother believed the slip of paper with those words on it would ruin my life, so she basically told me to suck it up and be normal. I didn't even think about it much until I met a lady whose husband was autistic and she told me "omg you're just like him". I relate to a lot of things you say. I was usually fine at job interviews, albeit extremely anxious. I learned to mask well enough to charm the recruiters, I was able to take advantage of my awkwardness and deflect, no one ever noticed I didn't make eye contact with anyone and I always got jobs pretty easily. Only to then show up on my first day as a trembling mess who can't even speak to her coworkers. The longest job I've had was in HR, imagine that, I worked there for almost a year and by the end of it I still didn't know every single person in the company by name. Can you imagine an HR who can't even leave her office room most of the time? I was taking multiple anxiety medications just to get through the day there, one of which made me drowsy and almost useless. Another problem at all my jobs was that it always took me very long to focus on one task, and my coworkers would just barge in every 5 minutes asking some stupid questions, and I just couldn't get anything done. I was such a mess after 7 months at that HR job that my mother basically dragged me to a therapist, and when my boss at that job told me to leave, he (the therapist) suggested I tried going freelance. My special subject is English (I'm not a native speaker but I've been obsessed with it since I was in preschool), so I started tutoring people, and it's the best thing in the world. I don't have to force eye contact with anyone, since the lessons are online (I find it awkward to even look at my students' faces in zoom), I get to create my own schedule that doesn't make me feel like I'm about to die of exhaustion, and I get to talk about the thing that fascinates me the most with people who are interested in learning about it. It still has its downsides, as does every job, but to me they're negligible.
I’m autistic and I’ve been unemployed for most of my adult life (with the exception of college, if that counts). I tried looking for work in the early 2010’s. I’ve been to several job interviews, I handed out my resume, I did all of things I’m supposed to do, and it still didn’t pan out for me. To be honest, though, I think I would have had a lot of the same problems at those jobs that you did in yours, Dana. It’s frustrating as hell, I agree.
To anybody watching this and thinking "Pfft, 3 days? You just need to power through and get used to it!" or something similar: Hi! I'm an autistic person who shares many of these difficulties and I did, in fact, try what you're suggesting. Let me tell you what happened! First of all, finishing my training was a nightmare. I got written up when I had a shutdown because the person training me got angry and started yelling. I did finish it, though. I even took detailed notes that I could follow! Every single day, I got in trouble for being "too slow" despite the fact I was doing everything exactly as trained. It made no sense to me, I felt like a scapegoat because no-one else ever seemed to get in trouble and they didn't even do everything they were supposed to in a shift! This stressed me out so much I started developing ulcers. Also, bonus, I eventually figured out what they _actually_ wanted me to do was completely ignore the training and cut every corner I could, even at the expense of health and safety. This was, to put it lightly, incredibly demoralizing. Working consumed my life. All I did on the days I was working was wake up, eat, drive to work, work, drive home, sleep. On my days off, all I did was doomscroll and count the minutes 'til I had to go back. Oh, and there's only one "eat" in there for a reason. That's 'cause I couldn't get myself to cook anything after my shift, customers took precedence over breaks, AND I was on single-covered nights. I never got more than a minute or two to rest until I collapsed in bed. This also meant I had to handle literally every customer that walked into the place alone! And all with an exponentially increased risk of robbery! So, I'm basically on my feet 10-11 hours a day, maybe with two chances to sit for a minute if I'm lucky. I'm only able to eat a single meal each day unless I choose to spend some of my abysmal paycheck on expensive (and unhealthy!) takeout because I work nights and nowhere's open except fast food places. I'm developing ulcers from the stress of working the store alone and constantly getting chewed out for reasons I couldn't understand. Finally, on top of ALL of that, I start having panic attacks while driving. I was burning out _hard_ and I was forced to either quit or risk a serious car accident. I quit, and it took me nearly a year before I had a semblance of a life again. The best I could manage for months was getting out of bed, if I somehow managed to get a shower in I was having a good day. All I wanted was to curl up in a ball and forget the world, just lie down and give up forever. Please, if you care even a little bit about autistic people, don't try to force them to do this. I would sooner walk into traffic than go through that again, it was genuinely killing me.
I’m sorry you went through that. So many autistic people have stories of severe burnout. I had one before I even graduated from school. I isolated myself from all my friends and would sit and watch the clock all day, not speaking a word for sometimes up to seven hours. I developed an eating disorder and lost 15 pounds because I felt out of control every day and needed something to ground myself with. I started running late all the time because I couldn’t get out of the door in the morning. And that’s as a “high-functioning” autistic person. People are so ignorant about the toll it takes on us to try to squeeze ourselves into a system that just doesn’t fit us.
I worked at a supermarket and it was exactly like this. I was given no leeway for stocking things "the wrong way", yet the night shift would stock things in the wrong place, stock them sideways in strange places just to get them out of the box... I pointed that out to management and they claimed their work was good. No the hell it wasn't! I'm slow, but I'm relatively thorough. Doing a thorough job isn't what they want, but you can't cut corners when you're just starting out. Like okay, what am I reasonably supposed to do? This isn't the kind of thing they teach in classes where they teach you life skills.
I have multiple mental health conditions that cause me extreme fatigue and have not been able to work for years so on benefits. This was extremely validating, even tho I am not autistic. I can manage usually for 3 years max before burning out on a full time job. The amount of time I can tolerate faking being normal is getting shorter as I age.
I suffer the same thing too but I have learned when I talk to people I let them know through my tone of voice and body language that I am full of S#!7!!! It works, just let people know that you are HONEST about being full of BS!!! It is a skill to work on but you are being HONEST and that is what works for autistic people!!!
my tollerance level for most people has gone way down in the last 5 years for me , as i get older , I've noticed my patience ( fuse ) getting much shorter .
I fucking hate interviews, period. I'm always vomitted on with an assload of information and at the end they're like "any questions, comments or concerns?" and I say no because they're busy and I wanna get out of this clearly uncomfortable situation. I'm not given any room to express these questions, comments and concerns that you obviously don't care about.
Phone calls are the worst. And so many jobs try to get you to take phone calls as an add-on to your other priorities and then I cant just explain to people that I hate phone calls. Like dreading giving the caller the wrong information or talking weird. Just everything about phone calls.
This is so relatable. Being low needs and good at masking is hard because you have to spend half your energy trying to appear normal. It’s like Mystique in XMen, how she has to use half her energy to look human.
I work full-time as machine operator in a factory. I have conversations with some of "higher-ups" and they ask why such an "intelligent guy" (120 IQ) is doing such a monotonous job. I explain the autism thing and that I exercise my brain while my hands are busy doing repetitive things. Plus I can work alone and don't have to interact with others too much. Funny thing is I'll often get approached for a forthright opinion as I have no "filter" and will say what I think;) Loved your talk about time allowances, planning and anxiety, really relate to that!
as a cnc operator , my mind us almost always doing other tasks , while " doing my job " ........ I also think its a good fit because I have a machine to interact with , very few other people :)
You're funny. The tragic thing I find about the job market is that there *are* jobs suited to autistic people, but they generally aren't advertised. You only find them through talking to people (hows that for a joke)
I'm autistic I think we can work but the problem is the government would rather just pay job seekers to find employment from private companies. Which usually reject us. It would be better if the government just provided easy jobs for people and offered a small bonus if you took them. Things like cleaning the streets, picking up litter, weeding areas or planting trees to combat pollution. Picking fruits and vegetables. But instead they just throw us to private companies. We need the government to provide us with jobs that work for us. It's better than having many autistic people unemployed. I'm not saying stop people's money, I'm just saying offer a job with a little bonus for taking it. I'm sure many would if it was something that suited them, not too much social interaction etc.
Love the video! It hit really close to home for me. I have a STEM degree and its still incredibly difficult obtaining and maintaining jobs. Most of my struggles come up through stepping on coworkers toes without realizing it and it turning into drama. Ive been unemployed for a couple years at this point with no intention of going back because its just not worth the emotional toll personally.
thank you for sharing. i just found out im autistic one week ago, and it has been. a lot to process. hearing you explaining why work is so hard for us, is so helpful, and so validating. like. man. finding work that doesn't overwhelm us for that multitude of reasons. im slowly feeling better about my life, and the difficulties ive faced. i really related to almost everything you said. i hope you find a great job that treats you well! ✨💖
Congrats! It’s definitely a lot to process, but you can start caring for yourself in so many better ways now you know! I hope you’re able to find something fulfilling and not overwhelming too! 💕
Imfao this is so true for me 😂 I can manage life pretty well but in order for me to communicate in a conversation without blanking out or concentrate on work I need some type of white noise nearby or need to rock back and forth.. It's so sad tbh but funny at the same time 😂
Good luck, broham. I've applied twice and been denied both times. I think I've learned that you have to lie your ass off to actually be granted the benefits. The Truth doesn't seem to be working.
At every job ive ever worked at first they think im smart (mask), then they think im dumb(asking too many questions), then they think im a threat and held back/used ( cause i care and strive to learn more than just enough)
I never thought I'd hear so many things I relate to from whenever I've had a job. It's just awful for me having one. I'll never apply for one again. The interviews were exactly as you described. The small talk and constant socialising after getting the job in different ways is EXHAUSTING. I can't take too many people at one time and when I was a teacher, even though they were adults, I just couldn't keep up the energy they expected me to have. Thank you for voicing all of this. Again, I can't believe I related to ALL of it. I haven't got a diagnosis yet but I'm 1000% certain.
I never graduated because of this disability and tried to go back to school in 2022. I was the best in class and everything went fine, school was only 4 days a week and only about 17h a weeks. This was lerfect. Until I had an anxiety attack as I drove back home. I didn't want to quit though. I told myself this was just a bad day and I can do this. 2 months went by, everything was going fine, until one day, I just couldn't bring myself to go to school. I tried to take small steps and focus on getting out of the house, then going to the bus station and waiting for the bus. Tears were streaming down my face, as the bus stopped infront of me and I could not bring myself to get into that damn bus, so I went home. I didn't want to try anymore. I laid down in my bed, with my dog and bawled my eyes out. I mean, this was supposed to be my future. Well, I dropped out and never went back. A 17h week where I was performing SUPER well, and even that was too much for me. How am I supposed to work 40h weeks, plus, be in a uniform that is incredibly overstimulating to me?...
I am able to work but the amount of stress it costs me... if only people around would be just a little bit nicer, not just yelllng and cussing at me whenever I make a small mistake or I do smth too slowly... and usually I'm a very good worker tbh, but it's a side effect of the fear of being yelled at, so I constantly try to do everything in the best way possible.
I start a new job tomorrow, haven't worked in over a year. I'm 26 y/o and this made me feel less alone. I've felt alone my whole life. I got the job, but now I want to die. I know I won't be able to handle it. I'm so scared and I don't know what to do. Thinking of the judgement I will recieve if I don't at least try my hardest. But I've been severely suicidal ever since they called and told me I got the job. I also have panic attacks and full on meltdowns and shutdowns, one of my biggest fears is having them in front of a large group of people. It's happened to me too, many times. I can't handle this society :(
I worked at a pizza place, one was kinda like chuckie cheese, and it was my FAVORITE. I’m AuDHD so it was routine enough to keep my autistic happy, but random enough to keep the ADHD happy. I started when I was fourteen, and I swear if they hadn’t closed down I’d still be there at thirty. The second pizza place when I was a little older, me and one other person would work the line where it took four others to do. We rarely messed up, and had everything out so quickly. We did amazing. But they pulled the “we’re a family” card, and I believed it for wayyyy too long, until one day after five years I realized how taken advantage of I was and just walked out, and still I was the one who felt bad about it and apologized. I did nothing wrong. They were stepping on me, knowing I was a single parent, couldn’t move out of my parents because I wasn’t getting paid enough, and had zero help with my child from anyone but my own parents.
I live in a place where everyone rather die than utter that word. Only lasted a month at a "certain department store" cafe. It was hell. I quit. Dozens of people everyday to only 4 or 3 people at any given time me included, everyone hated it but I quit anyway, and I wasn't the first one to do so. Thank you. I tried so many other jobs but I always get "the look" after my interview results come in that "something is fundamentally wrong with you get out" I can read it in their eyes!
So much that’s relatable here! I’ve been blessed to be able to get a number of different jobs due to masking really well, but I’ve had at least one meltdown at almost all of them due to sensory overload and just generally being overwhelmed. Not to mention that when I’m working full time, my life gets reduced to an endless cycle of working, trying to recover from working, and preparing for the next day, with no time for family, hobbies, real rest, etc. I’m currently working part time as a tutor and trying to get set up with online teaching, which is better but still not always ideal. It’s a hard world if you’re disabled.
This is so relatable. I've also struggled a lot with finding jobs and keeping jobs, the few jobs I have worked I always left after a few months or less because I eventually because so anxious and stressed that I couldn't function any more and it seems to have gotten worse as I got older. I've been in a big slump since I left my last job because I don't want to have a job that rips me apart mentally anymore. I'm looking for work but there's nothing that I can find that wouldn't just immediately burn me out and it doesn't help that I live in a dead end place with basically no jobs and I can't drive. There's remote work but all of them are call center type jobs (that I would hate) or require some education that I don't have and can't afford. It sucks, it sucks that things work this way and it sucks that there are so few resources to help us. I really wish that more people cared to help autistic, neurodivergent, and disabled people. I hate to be a downer but it's hard to be hopeful in an environment like this.
I'm a high-functioning autistic male. I managed to be employed at a high level in data processing until my early 50s. Then my ability to mask well enough to do the social part of the job just failed. This is just the way it is for us as we age. I was lucky. Many or most autistic people don't manage to have the career that I had. The odds are just that stacked against us.
Nothing has given me more anxiety than thinking about working. I thought I could tolerate being a teacher, but last week I realized that I couldn’t survive more than a few years doing that. Realizing that the one career that I had latched onto for the past two or three years wouldn’t work for me sent me into an anxiety spiral because all of the careers I could find sounded like hell. That was until I realized that I could code for a living. I had previously written it off as something those icky STEM people do, but I got desperate enough that I an actually strongly considering it. Coding sounds like the perfect job for an autistic person. Minimal human interaction and one’s portfolio speaks for itself during interviews.
That's what I thought. Learned coding. Turns out, it's very close human interaction and several other things which don't work well with being autistic. E.g. meetings and consistent high-level output.
Feel no shame or guilt. I have similar problems and haven't worked a formal job for two decades. I receive welfare support and also manage to work part time, when I can, from home. My work used to be IT/computer based, which was fine, aside from "others" and the demands of a routine I couldn't sustain. Some of our issues are also compounded by dysfunctional and/or broken family/homes and also culture. Systems of support have been dismantled in the UK, thanks to the mis-leaders in this nation, who have shrunk social/community support. Not your fault and thank-you for sharing.
Food service jobs are THE worst for autistic people. I had one for maybe 3 years when in high school/college and survived somehow, but the pay was terrible and the politics were insane. I worked another restaurant later in life that was much better for me, but in both cases I worked the dishroom…and unlike a lot of autistic people, I’m an extravert and LOVE people…so being around a noisy machine cleaning icky sticky squooshy dirty dishes with cheese and chewing gum on them that bothered my sensory issues (which included being wet from the dish machine and the sprayer) made it impossible for me to distract my mind from how absolutely bored and unnerved I was by it all. I was much happier working as a cashier, honestly…and it seemed like less trouble. It seemed like it was the easiest job for me, especially on a busy night because people just kept going through and I took their order and got their money and things worked. Looking back it’s incredible how well I adapted to the environment for the most part, and how tolerable most people were. Everyone in the back went a little crazy from the boredom…so it was easier for me to fit in. I wasn’t always as fast as everyone wanted me to be in the dishroom, but I think I was fast enough, and I was organized and safe. I think it was always the worst when things were slow, because in restaurants they expect you to work on cleaning underneath and around every little corner rather than just hanging out because they pay you so much 🤪 and they expect you to multitask even when there’s too much going on for you to process and prioritize it all. I wanted to work as a server, but being as I’m in the States (so tipping is a major part of your income), I’m a guy (which and therefore not a cute girl to flirt with), and I’m autistic (which I didn’t learn until 10-12 years later) I was always overwhelmed and did not make good money…while some girls just goofed off and made megabucks. Anyway…thanks for making me remember that…and realize that I actually survived that neurotypical environment pretty well. I got into IT as chiefly a PC tech at first, but then got into software applications. Again, I loved people and making their job easier and I was actually pretty good at it too…but there were some personalities that I did not mesh well with socially and I got myself into trouble pretty regularly because I didn’t understand a lot of social mores that everyone thought I should. Also, I had some pretty terrible managers who carefully micromanaged things so they could look good and not do actual work (while still looking like they were) and they messed up what otherwise was a pretty good thing because of ego or political reasons. When I had a good boss, it really helped me, and I was luck to have a couple of those. Even a mediocre boss was ok much of the time. I got along ok with people, but it was usually those managers who were clueless about how to do any of the work and who compensated for their cluelessness by making arbitrary decisions and changing rules that made the job needlessly harder for me (but not harder for anyone neurotypical) that really wrecked things. I was the witch in many witch hunts. I would sometimes be unable to bounce back for YEARS because of the burnout and depression. I really relate to what you’re saying here…it’s extremely hard. I’ve been freelance for the last decade or so basically since my last real job and it’s been hard to think of throwing myself back at what I’m good at to take another real job because I just hate the expectation of an arbitrary start and end time and I don’t want to deal with the politics. I want to have a good solid business, but it’s hard to keep up the level of production that makes that happen. I’d love to just work to help people with my skills, and I have many…but it’s hard to keep that up. I’ve realized I’m definitely a better project guy than an operations guy, but I NEED time off to recharge between projects. I would love to have a team, but it’s hard to put one together when there’s barely enough work for one. I know I’m a really useful person…but it’s really hard to find that slot when marketing myself is not my forte. I have never been good at getting or having interviews, and networking for my livelihood has been really exhausting. I’ve even done sales work and concluded that I’m very bad a being the affable sales guy who makes fast friends…I’m more the guy who has a nose for good honest competent people…but there are so few around. I feel simultaneously blessed and plagued. I understand how to make me successful but I don’t have all the tools (executive function!) and connections to bring it together. I am also a great worker (until I overextend myself), but a horrible employee. Sorry for the long post…but I relate…hang in there…and thanks for putting into words what I have also experienced. And know that it’s a blessing you have state assistance…we don’t have that here in the US much. So you suffer both from being unable to work _and_ being unable to pay any bills when things are bad.
As someone who tries to be helpful to the point of probably being overbearing to even a neurotypical person, it comes from a place of genuinely trying to help make someone's life easier. It's something I'm not really sure how to work on, because even when I try to tone it down and give advice in a way that I think seems more palatable, people still seem to brush it off or not appreciate it a lot of the time. It especially bugs me when someone complains about something and then tells me off for making a suggestion toward the thing they were complaining about.
This has been my experience as well. After years of trying to help others, I concluded that, people are just not interested in solutions that would actually make their lives better but instead they just want to complain and wallow in their misery. When they talk about their problems, they aren't doing that to solve their problems but simply to garner support and sympathy, so that they can justify their fear of change and to feel confirmed as to why they should keep staying as a victim.
Wait.. so. . Not only for me but for other autistic people as well, office jobs are problematic? Here in germany, there is massive Propaganda telling autistic people that getting a job is the most important thing in your life, while the same people tell you that everything else, like family or getting a girlfriend does not matter at all. All which counts is getting a job. And even if institutions treat you like shit, you as an autistic person should be thankful because they help you to get a job.. etc. And in germany, the neurodiversity movement repeats this Propaganda as well. I hated this bs and that actively harmed me. And I did not like my office job at all and suffered greatly from it. So, I am not the only one with such experience.. wow. Now I am surprised
That’s awful too hear. I can’t tell if they were trying to help or not- by putting so much importance on a job. Maybe for some autistic people; the general populous of autistic people though- I’d assume struggles with keeping and maintaining a job. I know I have. I was always the worker that was most praised, but always ended up being the one who left spontaneously due to burn out.
oh my god this. i'm also from this clown country and i absolutely hate the pressure the jobcenter puts on me for not having a job yet. i finished my realschule and have considered an ausbildung, but now that i think of it it sounds absolutely nightmarish to me. i'm in my twenties, undiagnosed. it's already difficult to find a proper psychiatrist in first place, who doesn't treat their patients like crap. job hunting is just like gambling, you have to get really lucky or you'll stay a "loser" (as society puts it) and especially if you're neurodivergent too.
That job stocking shelves reminded me of my time at Toys R Us. I was part of the night crew fulfilling online orders but if there weren't many orders to fulfill they would make me do stocking and sometimes we'd run into overtime hours where we'd still be stocking while the morning crew and customers started to arrive, and I would have the misfortune of some customers asking me where X item is. Here I was working overnight thinking I wouldn't be dealing with customers at all lol. I also really embarrassed myself on Black Friday. I had to come in in day time hours and help out. There were so many people there my anxiety was off the charts. I did not sign up for that. But that's a whole other story. On top of a bunch of other things Black Friday was the moment I realized I had to leave that job.
It's so good to see Autism taken seriously these days. When I came onto the jobs market in the early noughties there just wasn't the visibility it has now. Spent the best part of my 20s bumming around for agencies. Got sacked more times than I can count on my fingers. Can laugh about it now but it wasn't the best way to build a healthy level of self-esteem. I think my favourite was being told by disgruntled colleagues as a wind up to perform animal noises when customers rang up and then following through with it out of social anxiety. The manager was so exasperated he sacked the entire team on the same day.
I'm autistic, and I held a job as a public high school teacher for years. I loved the job, but I would completely crash when I got home. I couldn't take care of my own child, and I had no energy to do anything that I actually wanted to do. After 6 years, I was so burned out, I couldn't even do my job anymore. I would show up at work and just collapse at my desk. Thankfully, I had a hybrid online class that sort of managed itself; otherwise, I don't think I would have even made it 6 years. It broke my heart when I finally made the decision to quit last year. Now, I work 10 hours a week as a college writing consultant, and the pay sucks (worse than teacher pay), and it's mentally exhausting, but it's something I like doing, and it's similar to what I was doing as a teacher (so, in my wheelhouse as far as skills go). It makes me angry when people tell me that I need to just get back into it like it's the same thing as getting back on a bike after you fall. I would love nothing more to get back into teaching and working full time, but I also don't even think I'd make it through an entire school year before I completely broke down from exhaustion. I literally can't teach full time, raise my autistic kid, and manage my own autism and mental health all at once. It's too many things to manage. Maybe I will be able to when my child gets older, but I don't know WTF I'm supposed to do for money in the meantime.
The worst part is that employment services are not neurodivergent-friendly either, and you're forced to use them to get benefits. I've never been able to work in a job for longer than 6 months. And even then, I wasn't really able to, I was absent a lot and had to call in sick like every week because I was too exhausted. I can only work for myself, and even then, I can't even deal with clients. So my options are limited. Online content creation is pretty much my only option, and that was starting to go quite well, but the recent Google updates ruined even that.
What a superstar you are! I really enjoy the way you communicate your reality. I'm autistic/ ADHD and have a STEM career (my special interest areas). I relate to what you've said and feel it is a shame that many of the every-day jobs are so reliant on relational skills and fast processing of input. I find I need time and space to think and process inputs. I also need to be left to do things the way that works with my brain (your shelf stacking example was gold). Best of luck with everything. The work you are doing here is valuable.
I'm an older Autistic gal who didn't know she was until about 2 years ago and struggled with work all her life, I can only recommend exposure as a way to get better at working a "normal" job. It is still not easy but easing my way into working a 9 - 5 has helped a lot. If you're able to do charity work or a job around your house where you can slowly mold your current morning routine around it, until it's comfortable to do, slowly putting yourself in slightly stressful but safe situations so that you can expose yourself to the discomfort and find ways to calm yourself, has helped me a lot. I still have my breakdowns and my work has no idea I'm autistic so no help from that side of things but I take my odd mental health day, make a bargain with myself on days I shouldn't/can't take time off (such as a yummy treat or buying something I love) but the thing that's helped the most has been a goal (retirement fund, buying a house, being financially stable) which helps keep my mind focused and gives me reinforcement if I've reached a goal. Hope it helps x you got this
Im not autistic, but I believe I am high-sensitive and quite introverted or even something like social avoidant. A bit of your descripton fitted for myself. Your inside view made me understand autistic people even better, didnt know that lots of autistic people struggle that bad socially. So far I thought I am being weird because I dont like new situations or being among people from work for a lunch. I really feel stressed going somewhere I never been before. I try always my best to fit in but usually I feel so much saver at home - my castle. To socialize with new people is always such a hard thing to do. So I wish everyone who reads this all the best and the strength they need to keep going.
Have you considered having yourself assessed? I wasn't diagnosed until I was 50, but it turns out I am both autistic and alexithymic (I don't comprehend or connect with emotions very well).
I have a degree and still can’t get “career” jobs because of my autism. I’ve had tons of jobs since graduating at fast food places, nursing homes, cleaning, etc for like one day each. I’m on disability now and am a lot happier. You seem like a great person so don’t feel bad about yourself. You’re doing a job at comic con and that’s awesome. I couldn’t do that. And you can always volunteer at an animal shelter if you’re bored. That’s contributing to society right there and is more important than most other jobs. Bless you:)
Trying to educate the ignorant is rarely successful, as they are often ignorant due to a fixed ideology they don't wish to change, because it justifies them behaving they way they do.
Listening to you talking about your morning routine and having to fit that in around an early morning commitment, so everything you did usually was included and you made time allowances for things that might occur, was a revelation. I had never really thought about why I get up so early and how agitated I get if my morning routine is disrupted and I can't fit it all in before I go. I just assumed everyone did that. I have had years of early starts, with awkward commutes into work (I don't drive now, or when I did, I rarely had access to a car) and even now I am not working, I still need to get up super early (@5am) to feel like my day has started correctly. It is very interesting listening to you talk, Dana. I wish I had been half as self aware as you at your age! Don't worry, you are not just talking to yourself! Thanks for these videos
I have a college degree but I still haven't able to start a career. I had a paper route too as a kid, for two years or so, was my first job. After that, since I was diagnosed as I child, I had access to jobs programs/internships for disabled/special needs kids. I did a couple of those. I also had a couple jobs in retail, that I only got in the first place because they hired me as a charity case (one of them, my grandma worked there and helped me get the job) because I disclosed my disability and had parents involved. Some places like to hire disableds just because it makes them look good. I would have never been hired in the first place otherwise though. After failing at retail, for a number of reasons, including being too mind-numbingly boring for someone with a high IQ, and being too stressful socially, I joined the Army (in USA, which is relatively easy to get into compared to other countries, I think because of its size). My recruiter put me through and told me not to tell them I had asperger's and since they don't screen for mental disorders, I got in. My experience was mixed. Socially, it could be a nightmare. Depending on who I was interacting with, I was treated normally, but some treated me as if I was stupid because of how I presented. I was never sure why. Many of the bullies who targeted me had their own personality flaws, and I assume there was jealousy involved. I have issues with handwriting, someone once took my handwriting as proof that I was stupid. I was at times punished for being too feminine and other times for not being feminine enough. It was fours long years of utter bafflement, I could not even begin to understand the people around me. I became more and more withdrawn until I never left my barracks room for work, until my contract was up. I should add that I did meet autistic boys who joined with a waiver and another guy who was diagnosed in service. It's the truth but when I tell new people, they think I'm lying, that my story could not be real. So I got out, but I was disappointed about it too. I think the Army can be a great place for people who are odd or have milder autism, in part because it is nearly impossible to get fired. They can't kick you out because they don't like your face or your personality. They can't fire you for being weird. To get kicked out of the military, you have to really, really fuck up, like refuse to follow orders repeatedly, or get multiple DUIs. I could talk openly about having mental problems, being odd or strange or having mental disorders like PTSD is not a big deal in the military (unless you take time off from work for treatment, it's not an issue). So it was a much more accepting environment. The presence of many different cultures and ethnic groups, and people from all over the world, also made it a more tolerant environment. But on the other hand, you also have really, really messed up, mean and cruel people, sexists and racists, that can't be kicked out as well for the same reasons. And you also have to deal with that. Now I've found myself completely unable to assimilate into the civilian world. Since I spent most of my life being accommodated in some way, in every job including the Army, where you could say that I was given informal accommodations at times...in the civilian world they are completely unwillingly to do that. A lot of employers looks at you as a liability (this is why I think the government should hire more autistic people). My irregular/abnormal eye gaze/eye contact, my handwriting/fine motor skills, my odd mannerisms, inability to fit into a narrow gender role or stereotype, my lack of "tact" or my straightforwardness, inability to read body language or communicate through body language, my strange vibe, and many more, some of which I might not realize, has been a huge handicap in pursuing a professional career in the civilian world. I wonder if I would have been better off had I stayed in the Army. But my fears about staying in involved 1)what if I get so burnt out I can't do this at all anymore, 2) what if I eventually end up being transferred to a really bad unit that might not be so tolerant, and 3) the possibility of ending up in a unit where sexual harassment is a big problem. In the civilian world the standards are so much higher, they literally want perfection. They aren't willing to train anyone either. For all people with disabilities, the only jobs open to us or willing to hire are low-wage and temporary, with limited (not full time) hours. That is all fine and good if a person is living at home and getting support from family. Since they closed sheltered workshops, the low wage jobs open to disabled people have replaced those. They are fine for getting a disabled person out of the house, but they don't enable a disabled person to live on their own. For those people with autism that don't have family support or have been abandoned, their only option is to go on benefits so they can secure subsidized housing and whatever other help. It's a huge violation of disabled people's human rights and civil rights to not hire them for jobs and careers they are otherwise qualified for just because they don't pass the popularity test that is the modern job interview. In the Army they don't evaluate your personality in order to join. It doesn't matter if you're introverted. They look at things like you aptitude for different subjects, your physical ability, etc. A civilian job interview is an hour long process where the interviewer evaluates nothing about the interviewee besides "do I like this person?" or "do I want this person working with me?" or in the case of women, "do I want to fuck her?" So it's obvious why we don't get hired and if we do, why we aren't kept around for long. This is the complete opposite of what I went through in the Army, where we had to learn to get along and go along no matter if we liked each other personally or not.
Sorry to hear about your situation but thanks for sharing your experiences in military and civilian life. It's interesting to hear about how the military treats autistics, I always thought it would be worse than that.
I had a job at mcdonalds and one day had a meltdown because there was something unexpected sprung onto me when i got into work at 6am. When i stormed off to the bathrooms a manager said i should just go home. The general manager, however, needed an incident report and she would not let me leave until i talked to her. It takes all my energy to say anything in a meltdown let alone think, so all i could say was "im not a danger to myself or others, i just need to be alone". She would not leave me alone. It escalated so much that she grabbed my wrists (my head was in my hands and i was rubbing my hair as a stim) saying i was hurting myself and threatened to call an ambulance if i didnt calm down right now. Eventually i was able to convince her to get me some water and the moment she left i walked home. I put in my two weeks my next shift.
I relate to so much of this. I am not diagnosed, but I've been researching for about a year now and am usually convinced that I can't NOT be autistic---as for working, I am very, very fortunate to have a job that I love and where everyone there is wonderful and accommodating. I work part-time at a public library, but in the back room: so I come in, say hi to the same one or two people every day (which stresses me out, but hey, at least it's not new people), then sit down in my desk corner, put earbuds in, and listen to Queen's Greatest Hits for 3 hours while I process all the new books that come in, put stickers and plastic covers and everything on them so people can check them out. It's a very behind-the-scenes job, I don't have to interact with patrons, and no one tries to tell me how to do my job because I'm the expert, and they mostly leave me alone except to tell me that there are cookies in the staff kitchen. AND, I don't have to be there at any specific time, and I can leave when I want, as long as I get my work done at a good pace. It's fantastic. But sometimes it's still stressful. My coworkers are very friendly, accommodating people, and they're very much a part of each others' personal lives. Even with the kind of friendship they extend to me, somehow it's still difficult to become familiar with them---am I being rude? Am I doing something wrong? Because for some reason they've stopped trying to get to know me, and they're treating me differently than they used to--not in a bad way, but in a confusing way, and I think it's because of how little I'm able to reciprocate in conversations. Even after two years of working there, I'm still no closer to any of my coworkers, and I'm actually a little more distant from some of them because they've stopped trying to include me in things. I don't know whether to be glad about this or not, because it is a relief not to have to respond to invitations and random 'get-to-know-you' conversation starters, but I think this is the problem with most of my friendships honestly. I am perfectly happy to be friends with someone, but I don't know how to become closer, so the other person starts to lose interest, when I'm still stressing over how to take the friendship further and somehow reveal my true self to that person. But I'm so used to masking that by the time I feel comfortable enough to unmask the littlest bit, the 'friend' has already lost interest and moved on. 😔 story of my life
Hey, Bailey. You sound like someone who'd be a great friend to have. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think your coworkers might think you're an introvert and don't want to pressure you with social activities, so they distance themselves from you a bit. I like Queen too btw. Favorite song is Under Pressure.
I fully agree with your video. For me it's the socializing that's too much. I wake up feeling like I've been awake for 48 hrs and then go outside where there is always so much noise and bright ass sun and thousands of people walking around. It's too much
