Why Don't People Say What They Mean? 

Interesting, I agree with your conclusion I think; that the allistic are typically motivated by group cohesion, and autistic by sharing information. However, what's especially interesting is that these are both forms of consensus. The goal is to get everyone on the same page. If you're not doing that by sharing and addressing the information prima facie, I would argue it's a bad consensus. If we're filtering too much for the sake of comfort, and agreeing on the result, we're all agreeing to be wrong. Doesn't mean you can't be nice about it, but still be honest. This might be why I mostly like to hang out with autistic people.

I was just feeling very anxious and headed into a downward spiral when i typed "why don't people say what they mean?" into my search browser and here you are! I look at the posting date and you posted yesterday. Cool alignment, its like you made this video just for me. I was looking for practical advice which you did not have but thats ok because I felt immediately better after listening to you speak. I even laughed a few times because what you said was so relatable. We can research all we want but allistic communication just seems beyond us. Oh well. I've been struggling to find friends but really Im looking in the wrong spots. What I really want are AUTISTIC friends. I appreciate allistics but interacting with them can be so confusing and frustrating to the point I feel physical pain. Thank you for posting this video it has offered me real value and comfort.

Excellent topic. I feel like I relate more with the autistic approach to communication than the allistic (at least, based on how you described it). Whenever I do resort to being socially 'pragmatic', I feel like a robot, like I'm spitting out automated responses just to 'keep the peace'.

Wow. So perfectly summed up. Need to send this to all my neuro typical friends.

I REALLY NEEDED THIS! IVE BEEN FEELING SO BAD THAT MY RELATIONSHIPS ARE STRUGGLING DUE TO MISUNDERSTANDINGS ABOUT HOW I COMMUNICATE

i had to watch this rather interesting video more than just once... simply because i was very distracted by the lava lamp! ;-) thanx & cheers! :-) listening to your music next... *waving*

i've always had a hard time with implicatures. i've always called it subtext. I feel I've learned to recognize it sometimes when the mood turns after i've been too honest, but for the most part i've learned to let go of my anxiety around it. I tell people pretty early on that i don't have much patience for all that wishy washy stuff. I feel like there are a lot of people that appreciate that though. People learn to trust that i am speaking without a filter and sometimes that means we can have some deep conversations about stuff. I like that. I can say that i've been incredibly lucky to have some very patient and honest partners that will teach me about some "common" implicatures though. Like how when i would talk at partner about something cool i just learned, and i didn't recognize that she wasn't just listening. She was trying to express disinterest by not engaging with the topic of conversation. meanwhile im thinking "cool! shes letting me talk more because she is interested in what im talking about!". and when she told me that, i was so confused as to why she wouldn't just tell me she wanted to change the subject. it is something that i try to look out for now when i'm trying to be social with people i don't know well yet.

Wow, thanks so much for making this video! I often struggle with these same problems in communication. Very thought-provoking, looking forward to your future autism videos!

This is awesome. Literally had never heard of the word "implicature" before. And love that way of describing the "mutually assured destruction" principles at play in certain communication patterns. Also, the point about hierarchical aspects of this helped me make an interesting connection between how I communicate and how I approach authority. One other point I'd add, is that part of the reason allistic folks might not view it as "thinking the worst" of someone when making negative assumptions about what that person means, is that in their way of seeing things they're being helpful by making assumptions and not forcing the person to articulate themselves as they themselves wouldn't want to have to do. I could be wrong, but...whatever. Awesome video :D edit: oh you made the point I made towards the end lol

awesome video

Thank you

Many times I understand that people are hinting at something, but I can’t always decode what it is. This has led to a lot of frustration both on their part and mine.

The first unwritten rule of society is that you don't talk about the unwritten rules of society. The second unwritten rule of society...

Great stuff! I only speak English (and UK English, at that) so I do wonder how much of this implied communication is cultural. My understanding is that some other languages and cultures are a lot more direct. The Dutch, for example.

thankyou. really good explanation. look forward to more. very much appreciated :)

Such an insightful video. The flirting example is great because is something I personally struggled with. And I think a lot of men do. This made me think that all men when they are teenager go from playing with legos, football and pokemon to suddenly start having a sex drive or a love interest and the need to talk to girls. And suddenly you struggle with the same question. Why girls don't say what they want? Why do I need to flirt? Etc. I think the difference is what you said, we feel very intense positive and negative emotions and we link them to the context of the situation and the conversation as well. And this basically "socializes" you into speaking in subtext, flirting, etc. The other choice is a deep feeling of shame that you relieve suddenly a random night when you go to sleep. But I remember I used to identify strongly with the question of why people didn't just say what they meant. Specially women. But yeah, the 'emotions' process basically worked. I have both negative and positive emotions associated with those interactions and that's what's built my personality over all these years, I guess. Great video. Keep em coming.

Very Interesting indeed !! It clearly describes why I am a continuous A-Hole everyday. Last year I came to the realization how horrible of a person I was to my best friend 15 years ago and that's the biggest regret of my life. 15 years to process an emotion !!!

Insightful stuff! thanks for sharing! I've been subscribed for some time, and only just realized I haven't got the bell clicked... I tried to do so now, and at least when trying from your main channel page, YT says "this feature is disabled for content made for kids". I'm not sure if this is a specific setting you've made on your channel, but thought I'd bring it up. I have enjoyed a great deal of your content, and would love to be notified when you upload...

& that's why Jesus was crucified... 😎