@@baisinbu98 Exactly. It's a game for them. They don't take women or relationships seriously. They're just playing and laughing at the women behind their backs while the women pour their hearts and soul into the relationship. She also pours her time, energy and resources into it while he goes out and plays with other women who are just as bIind to the game as she is.
@@IrisDel-qo8xi I was young and naive too. I grew up watching Disney princess movies and rom coms and playing house with friends. It's all done on purpose by the patriarchy. Now we have to unlearn everything and start from scratch. Most maIes are incapable of love, they can only use and ab use you. They see relationships as transactional and they aren't staying in a relationship unless they know that they are getting more out of it than she is.
Yes, it does. It always has, it always will be because that is what the great majority of men want. What difference does it make if brainwashed women do "wifely" chores for men before or after marriage? The problem is marriage itself. Any "benefits" given to women to marry REQUIRE they trade their bodies for men's use. This is the nasty truth women refuse to see but instead still worship this absolutely horrible, vile concept of marriage.
That poor girl was most likely raised by a pickme. I hope she realizes that maIes marry the best servants in order to have the time and energy to go out and have affairs with the women he actually wants while wifey is at home taking care of everything for him. It's such a scam. I hope this girl sees the error of her ways. Being a wife is not a flex anymore, I don't think it ever was.
That's why you give men the bare minimum because if you're attractive it should be good enough this gets there attention if someone gives him a 97 you drop him to a 96.
There are so many women who enable their husbands and stay despite knowing he's an abusive, cheating piece of garbage. They have no standards for themselves or their children. They facilitate their husband's lies. The women who lie and pretend to have a picture perfect marriage despite knowing their husband is garbage? I find that disgusting. Living a lie, appearing perfect, and having the optical illusion of a perfect marriage is everything to them. Where are their souls?
@unicorn73212 IF your looks are enough, then what's separating you from other attractive women??? If looks is all that matters, then love and commitment are never gonna enter the equation. This is terrible advice. A man chooses a woman based on how she can add to his life. If looks is the only thing that matters, then he'll abandon you the second another attractive woman comes along
No. Your supposed to be using your very valuable time studying, working overtime for funds, getting promotions, saving money, starting a business, and making plans for what you want for the future. You audition for a year doing all the work and he just got 40K in services while he had a years worth of free time to do as he desires. Once you realise you wasted a year, he says bye and replaces you 10 times and profits for 10 years while he is waiting for the girl he wants. Free cleaning, free cooking, free laundry, free child care for his existing kids, and free kitty. Do not waste your time in servitude.
If you clean for him, then you are his maid. If you cook for him, you are his chef. If you have relations before marriage, you are his concubine. If you schedule appointments for him, you are his personal assistant. Nowhere in that list do I see a girlfriend or wife. Servants do service, and girlfriends/wives are far more precious than servants.
Then what is a girlfriend or wife??? Someone is just present?!? No offense, but most of you are advocating for being high priced escorts. You offer nothing to him but your presence and s3x whenever you're in the mood, and he has to pay you. That sounds like a business arrangement
I just want to know what is the incentive for men if this is how you view relationship. I'm assuming no money exchange, no protection from said man if anything happens, no moving your furniture, no paying your bills, fixing your car, NOTHING. This can't be a one way street where you offer nothing, but he's expected to do everything. What normal human beings would sign up for that
Do not squander your youth pursuing men, romantic relationships, and men's approval. Focus on your personal growth, education, and career. Men, being opportunistic by nature, will accept what is freely offered. If you dedicate yourself to pleasing a man to show your worth, it may not yield the desired outcome. Eventually, he may find someone he truly desires and will turn the world inside out for her, and leave you. I consistently advise in my comments: do not grant a man the privileges of a husband if he is not your husband. He must earn that status, choose you, and commit with a ring before receiving such privileges. Consider reading "Why Men Love Bitches" for further insights.
This is exactly why I have, "don't save her, she don't want to be saved" energy for pick-me's and mammies. God bless all women who are still explaining this to closed minded pick-me's. You are all better than me. And I will die on this petty hill because I believe that pick-me's are part of the problem.
This 🙌🏾. Because these are the same women that’ll let their men talk them into setting up black women who are not Pickmes like her. These male identified women are very dangerous so leave them where they are black women.
The men will praise her for doing that and tell her "don't listen to these bitter old single women". Not realising that she may very well go YEARS displaying that "wife" energy for a guy that will bread crumb her only to leave her as another single baby mama the minute she starts exhibiting signs she is emotionally drained. Too many men treat "females" like chewing gum. They find you fresh and sweet, convince you to "unwrap" yourself for them, only to chew you up till all the flavor is all gone. Once you are all hard and flavorless, you get spit out so he can go looking for a new "piece". Cue "bitter baby mama" or "toxic ex" label when you react from the unfairness of it. "YOU decided to do all that!", "I didn't ask you to..." and the very famous "You should've chose better" while you get laughed at. Yes, they like receiving that energy and attenton but "love" is an action word. If a man is not reciprocating that energy, you will reach your draining point. Wisdom is hard won sometimes but best gleaned from the women who know not tragic experience.
@@hatethrtruth3004 You're supposed to choose who you'll like =). Wife-energy is cooking, cleaning, having babies for a man and should not be freely given to boyfriends.
@halfbloodprincess989 OK, but how do you determine if you like someone??? What are the metrics for determining someone is worth you given them a ring and becoming one with that person. There has to be some sort of tangible characteristics. How does he know she will cook and do all those things once married. You're basically saying men need to make the most important decision in the blind.
It's society that makes her think that. And we shouldn't tear her up. But hopefully us elder women can help show these teens and early 20s somethings what's going on. So they don't have to learn the hard way.
I've been with my spouse for over 20 years, and I told him within the first 6 months of our relationship that I wouldn't be his maid or his mummy. We're both adults and we both work, so we share the housework based on our strengths and weaknesses. ETA: We're both from different countries in Northern Europe, and he moved to my home country, so I could be closer to my family.
@@lauralvw8445 yeah, I had a very interesting discussion with some of my younger Millenial/older Gen Z workmates recently during lunch, and those of us who're married or in longterm relationships were talking about how the housework load was divided in their relationships. The "we each play to our strengths" approach (which I learned from my own Boomer parents) was pretty common.
Dear young lady who asked the question, Please check out, I believe her name is Jasmine Brown, Cam Newton's newest bm. She is bending over backwards and has changed her whole motto because of who she is dating. Sbe is PRETENDING to enjoy liking cooking a f cleaning for a rich man with 8 children, but we can all see that she's not happy. Cam has made it abundantly clear that he doesn't plan to marry her. My point is she's doing all these "wifely" things for a man who doesn't appreciate her. Please don't br like Jasmine. She's not happy and it shows.
We will be seeing her soon, unfortunately. "Why do dudes be complaining about women not being women, and then when they get what they claim they want, they dog us??? 😢😢😢" Wishing her the best frfr
I had a guy tell me last night that he dumped the last girl who couldn’t cook 😂😂😂😂 I laughed and told him good thing you not with me to begin with , now he is left on read😂
I remember when I was actively dating, I used to tell people I'm not "dating for marriage". Men and women used to be flabbergasted. Years later all that dating for marriage and letting men know how desperate you are for marriage has totally screwed them over. Single married mothers now 🤷🏾♀️
@@paulbartell LOL Like you men are some sort of "prize". 🙄 A "booby prize", more like! Women re FINALLY wising up to what I saw YEARS ago: that marriage is a trap and does not serve women in any way.
If a man isn't auditioning to show you how well he can be a providing, caring, loving husband that can make you feel emotionally safe and secure in his presence as well as esrn your trust outside of his presence, DONT audition to be his wife.
@@hurtingfeelingsdaily Right? Assuming a male is sitting behind that account due to their name, he's in a space where predominately women are having conversations, worried about who has a ring lol. Does HE actually want the ring or something? Because why is he worried about us?
@@paulbartell Kick rocks ince1 and enjoyed ur male loneliness epidemic. Studies show that the happiest demographic of people are single women while the most miserable demographic are single males. 💅🏾
Im a reformed pick me. No matter what you do, it'll never be enough. The more you do the more they demand. I don't do nothing for them anymore. They get mad when they find out I can cook and I tell them I only cook for my kids...sometimes...😂😂
Watching this mesmerizing video dredges up painful memories of the recent dissolution of my 4 year relationship. The departure of my beloved, the one I adore deeply, has left me in a perpetual state of longing. Despite my tireless attempts at reconciliation, I find myself mired in frustration, unable to shake the persistent thoughts of her. Despite my efforts to move forward, I'm compelled to share my inner turmoil and the overwhelming sense of missing her here.
Letting go of someone you love deeply presents a formidable challenge. I faced a comparable ordeal when my 6 year relationship ended. Refusing to succumb to despair, I relentlessly pursued avenues to reconcile with him. Ultimately, I sought solace and guidance from a spiritual counselor, whose intervention proved instrumental in restoring our connection.
She looks and sounds young, and she was probably raised to believe "that's what we're supposed to do" as women. She will learn and i hope her lessons aren't too harsh. Imagine auditioning for suffering 😂😂😂 and what is he doing to audition for you? No thank you.
"Exception vs. the rule". You'll always meet outliers and there are men who will genuinely seek to wife up a woman who has gone above and beyond to spoil him. But that is the exception, not the rule. The rule is that, in general, most men do not think that way and you bending over backwards is not going to lead to a ring or marriage.
I've been married to my hubby for 2 years and we first started talking i told him that I'm not your mother and you are not going to treat me like her and I want to be your number one queen in your life he said that I will always be his queen and he's not looking for a mother every since then we've been together with kids.❤
I’ll never forget growing up my mom worked with this young girl, 21at the time, who had moved in with her BF and helped him buy a house and essentially help him move up the ranks in her career. She would always tell my mom how he would keep saying “oh yeah I’ll propose to you once I accomplish xyz…” my mom was at that job for over 10 years and when she finally left the girl had still not gotten the ring, AND he broke up with her to be with a younger woman. She was just a place holder. I used to hate when my mom would say “why buy the cow when the milk was free” in these kind of situations regarding women because it didn’t feel fair, but now as a 32 yr old woman she was absolutely spot on. Thankfully I don’t have any dating experience, but these women are putting so many young girls on game so they don’t waste their lives having kids too young with a man that doesn’t care about them. I appreciate your channel so much 🙏🏾
Like my mother always said to me (I didn't understand until I bumped my head along the way), "He is not your husband! You do certain things for your husband. When you do that beforehand he will use you up and go to the next one."
is she married though? she's putting all of that energy into a man and she's still not wifed up? if the goal of doing all of these things is to prove she's a wife, she would be married by now.
Ladies! I have found that men perform best when they are just friends! They will hang your tv’s, wash your car, cook, run errands with and for you! Some are not fit for responsibilities and titles, so making him a father before marriage is Russian Roulette! Just focus on your femininity, personal development, fitness, and your bag …. you will attract men who will celebrate and cherish you!! They will stalk you when you pull up in your expensive car at the grocery store wearing your rich scent! Trust me!! 💕👑
It happened to me. Stalked to the carpark after grocery shopping by a dude who surprised me by asking Are you single? as i find you attractive ". I lied and said I had a bf. 😂
As a person who has racked up 3 proposals - NEVER give husband privileges to bf and bf treatment to situationship. Never getting married turn them alllll down - but I sure know how to get em ❤
The advice in these clips was beneficial to respond to this young lady. The first thing that came to my mind was the women in her life may have modeled this behavior, she learned somewhere down the line this is the courting process. Also, I would make her aware that you can do everything right; he may still hurt you later in your relationship. Invest in yourself and give all that love to yourself. No women ever regretted doing the best for themselves.
There’s nothing wrong w being a natural nurturer and doing acts of service as a love language. The problem is doing it for people who aren’t going to reciprocate it. Sure you can cook for him if he’s buying the groceries and cleaning the dishes afterwards. There’s a difference between selfless gestures and free labor
Most women are not natural servants. These are things women do because we’ve been socialized to believe that’s our role. What we should all be looking for is a partner who genuinely enjoys spending time with us, who cares about us, and whose words are followed up by their actions. If all someone “loves” about you is what you do for them, they will leave you the second you are no longer useful. This could mean a pregnancy, an illness, or a stressful life event. Your acts of service, if they are ACTUALLY natural to you, should be reserved for when that relationship becomes serious and when you know they are capable of reciprocating. There are too many men out there looking to take advantage of naive, gullible women.
Dated and lived with a “hobosexual” for over 4 years, paying all his bills and extra expenses. Learned the hard way on that. But I refused to cook or clean for him and he called me selfish 😬
Yall I absolutely hate my job HATE it! I cry so much now because this job sucks. But I will not…WILL NOT go back to my shitty ex and become his house slave ever again. I can buy my own clothes. I can buy my own anything I want. And I have a clean house. And I have my own space. I will never go back to that again. No way!!
Being a wife is not ACTION BASED. it's energy. It's a state o being. You can be a wife and do NOTHING. and he'll be smitten. Your value is not in how well you perform household duties
I'm glad I watched this today. Lately, I've been feeling like I will be alone forever, etc. I've been single almost five years now, and this video has given me the reminder that I needed to keep living my best life regardless. Keep on posting, even those if us that are in the know need that reminder to keep us on track.
You are correct. Life does not begin once you have a man. That way of thinking not only stunts your growth as a person, it makes you boring, with no outside interests once you actually ARE in a relationship.
In my mid 30s now and I’m relieved I learned early to always center myself. It costs women so much pain and trauma at your expense ONLY seeking male validation. I seen too much and wanted different. I’m well traveled, at peace and date when I feel like it IF the man is interesting enough for me to sit across from. Only recently, I thought back to how many women (in my family or disguised as a friend) when I was young were giving me bad advice on purpose because they hated how I was childfree, didn’t allow men to drag me by my edges (on top of never sleeping with men I’d casually date), and wanted to derail my life simply because they were miserable. Young ladies don’t let people trick you out your spot. Especially young black women! There’s nothing noble about operating against your best interest something people will always convince you to do. Take the cape off for everyone! Decenter family as well! Selfishness operating at a high frequency is self advocacy/self respect. Make these men earn and respect your time, always. You’ll never regret telling a low quality man where to shove it lol I look back fondly on all the men I cussed out 😂 .
I hope she gets all the men and spend her life in service since she likes it so much. Much of the community of women is tired of supporting them when they learn their lesson. 😊
What is on her eyelids? Let's start there. Then we can work on her mindset. She's too young to be this lost. She does not think she has value & that is so very sad.
I see she is very confused like ma’am he about to put you on standby and notice how she still ain’t “wife” up by doing all those duties🤦🏿♀️ ladies if you still going that route that is definitely not how you go about it
The message of a wife serving her husband is pushed on social media heavy. I see so many women getting up with the roosters making 3 course meals for their husbands. Like that really makes you happy? I hardly ever see a wife driving in her drop top her husband paid for , on the way to spa, and then shopping. It just seems one way to me
Those are stay at home wives, usually with very young children....She financially depends on her husband.....If this is an agreement between both before marriage, then more power to them.....Some cultures the wife is expected to stay home....The wife shld always have some type of working skill for a (just in case sxxx change)
@@Passionatelyfruitsunless a woman is married to a man of means and lives a luxury lifestyle the housewife life is a scam. Do you know how much it costs to hire a chef, cleaning person, accountant etc? On top of that the men calls the shots bc he makes the money. If im gonna get up early in the morning, it might as well be to a job that pays well . Some of these women cant even go to target without their so call providers b*****. They can have it.
@@Passionatelyfruitsunless youre married to a rich man that spoils you , the house wife life is a scam. Thats why most men dont want that role. Not bc they traditional. In most cases its easier to deal with a job n nothing else
@@hatethrtruth3004i live in the same s**** world you live in genius .you must be one of those women who slaves for your husbands. Im gonna keep it real simple . The portrayal of marriage is a woman constantly serving n catering to a man. How many times do you see husbands cooking ,cleaning, buying flowers, taking his wife on random dates, etc. Now if you think thats fare, do you.
For the young lady at the very beginning, he can observe your wife traits with how you treat your family and friends. Being a wife is more than cooking and cleaning. There are intrinsic values that come from your mind and heart. Being the best housewife has never kept a man that doesn’t want to be kept and has never made a man put a ring on it alone! And if he does happen to marry you just because of that then it’s not going to be a fulfilling marriage because your worth is tied to your servitude and what you do for him and not who you are.
11:10 I wish I had had a dad tell me these things. I wish my Mom had told me these things, but she didn't know. She brought up by a physically abusive, alcoholic father, and an emotionally abusive mother, until her parents divorced in my mom's teens (in the 50s. So my "Silent Generation" mom and my aunts were the first "latch-key kids" in my family, not my generation...). I wish ALL girls had this advice from either their dads or moms!
No offense to anyone, but as a blk woman, we are not taught to date and what that really means. Dating someone is getting to know them as individuals. meaning you're spending time with each other. To learn about each other. That does not include you as the woman cooking and cleaning up after his grown a$$. And if you as the woman is chasing marriage, then upon your first encounter, you need to communicate that you're dating with the intention of marriage. Be honest, straightforward, and intentional at the beginning. Giving him the option to say if he is with your end goal or not. Because if your dating for marriage and he is not, he will waste your time. Don't play with men, and do not allow them to play with you. Peace be unto you all, that are in the dating game.
Yes, it's just her. I'm also in my twenties. The difference is I Understand that being a romantic interest/wife/girlfriend does not mean being a maid service and cook. We are all grown and can take care of ourselves. Being a girlfriend means I have my own place that I pay for and he has his own place that he pays for. Cohabitation and commitment go together and the only men I know are committed to me are my dad, who does not allow me to pay for anything ( I live rent-free), and whoever I decide to marry. Even after marriage he can do his laundry and cook, or he can hire someone to do it. A wife is a faithful companion, not free labor.
2:57 Did she say, "Imagine doing all of that and still working 40 hours a week!l?" Ma'am .... no need to imagine. Welcome to single-parenthood as an entrpreneur. Guaranteed 100+ hr workweeks, no PTO, no sickdays. Choose wisely.
Baby, your eyelashes say you're confused. Find out who you are, what you're about, what about the world around you interests and fits you and how you fit into it. It's a lifelong journey...the journey of you. IF someone comes along who's journey compliments yours, and vice versa, THEN consider joining together. Being picked us NOT the goal.
If you audition to be a wife before you are a wife, you are showing that you are willing to do free labor for a CHANCE at a commitment, which is the wrong way to secure a long-lasting happy relationship period. You secure commitment by BOTH parties working to show they are willing to give for the relationship to work and continuing to do that work for the rest of your lives, and that’s physical and emotional labor, all types of labor beyond just “cooking and cleaning.” I’m tired that that is ALL people think marriage is anyway, because that’s just physical labor, not keeping a relationship together, because you don’t just do physical labor to keep your friendships or family relationships together (or if you do then PLEASE get help cuz that isn’t normal!) And before anyone comes at me as bitter, I’m happily married for 5 years, known him for 13 years, dated him for 5 (we were young college students when we dated the second time, met in high school) and we talked about this extensively before we got married and reevaluate our needs and work as needed.
We women must learn from nature. In nature the male always have to prove himself to the female. He has to show he is strong, beautiful and capable in order for the female to choose him and let him mate with her. This is the natural order. Only in the human species most females don't follow this order. We let "love" our feelings guide us first. Instead we should first let us be lead by the logic. Before we give a potential mate access to our energy and presence we should first see if he is capable of providing for us and our future offspring, is he kind? Is he intelligent? He has to check these boxes first before he gets full access to us.
Holy fuck, this reminded me of those maid agencies. They always have this wide frame window where you can see them sitting and staring right back at you. Waiting for a job. I guess this is how women treat their relationships and themselves?? Like you think it's some flex or achievement that he chose you to cook and clean after him wtf is going on.
This is WHY young ladies, need to get educated and learn a job skill, if you don't want to go to college, go to a trade school. Trades are hurting, your hands are not tied like they were in the 70's, 80's, 90's and early 2000's. Okay? You CAN BE a welder, electrician, plumber, mechanic, etc....all of those things. I know women who hang dry wall and have their own businesses. In my day, you heard these types of conversations because there were NO opportunities to make descent money for women. The well-off parents sent their kids to college, women were limited in employment and were paid very little at the three shipyards in my state, (not to mention the SA harassment, before laws came into play) and nursing schools were limited and had a two year back log along with the military. Most of my generation got married for love and got treated like garbage by the men, but with some, if they did get married, they REALLY didn't want to but due to home life being terrible and they were trying to escape it, they were desperate, so they practically sold themselves into marriage, especially to older men with good jobs, because the men our own age, had no jobs, either. (yes, this is the states, I'm talking about) I understand where she is coming from, if that is the case BUT there is no reason to do that now in this year 2024.
The feminist movement has encouraged women to seek autonomy and pursue their desires and aspirations without feeling pressured to conform to traditional roles.
As a divorced mom of 2, I wholeheartedly agree that the relationship was all about him and what he wanted and the second I wanted to take time to myself/figure myself out, it became a massive problem lol. Now that I’m confident and single, he’s bitter and looking for me in every woman that do nothing but play him like a fiddle. I had wished I knew all this sooner but better late than never. Never settle and always speak your mind because these men don’t care about how they make you feel. PERIOD.
@@j.munday7913 they always do. It was all kosher til he missed me and I rejected him because I was dating someone at the time. That really burned him up since he used to run his mouth like a girlie about all his escapades while I was keeping my business to myself🤣he got REEEAAAL spiteful after that
I've been with my husband 16 years. When I first started sleeping over, a girl who had a crush on him apparently was over with one of his friends talking about "You're place is a mess, you need someone to come over to clean up for you." staring at me while she said it. This girl was trying to compete with me on the basis of being a maid. I laughed and said, "He really does! Seriously, are you a housekeeper? How much do you charge for a 1 bedroom apartment?" She didn't know what to say and the guys just laughed. I could go on and on but I won't. 100% STOP auditioning for men. When you do all this stuff for years and then complain about not having a ring, what is that man gonna say? That nobody told you to do all that or that he didn't ask you do all that.
If your goal is to take care of a man, do everything for him, somehow convince him to never want to be with any other woman, be the one to take care of the kids, and never have free time for yourself, then go ahead and audition, and marry that man.
There's truth to this. My partner and I were initially just friends. As such, I'd send him screenshots of how I'd sadistically screw with men who were creepy and gross. So when he caught feelings, he knew if he didn't come correct and stay correct, I'd have no hesitation putting him in his place. Haven't had a problem with him once. He treats me like a queen, pulls his weight in the relationship, and is an absolute gem all around. I love to spoil the people I love, but only once they've proven worthy of it. Since he's proven himself as such, he gets to be a very happy man.
I'm watching a Nigerian series "Last year to get married". One of the 3 leading ladies was engaged to the same person for 7 years. One day they had an argument and he kicked her out. He was already talking to someone in his office. The first time the new girl came to visit him, he cooked for her and it was actually delicious. He said cooking was his ex's role because he's paying bills and giving good ****.
I see it as you dont have to earn your worth in good relationships. A good healthy relationship will be where you are valued for who you are above all else. Then you decide together what things you both will do to run your lives together.
This video could not have come at a right time. Started speaking to ADAM’s offsprings again (men) and we live in different state bt both Ghanaians. 1. He wants me to visit his state and he will pay flight and all, I said NO, he can come to my state and he needs to plan the itinerary. He was shocked and surprised. 2. He was like soo what Ghanaian dish can you cook, ME I don’t cook and I barely know how to make any Ghanaian dish, he was shocked like waaaaa how u African, how can u not cook. Well I CANT, well he hasn’t ghosted so we still talking.
Good😊 but please beware. Guys like this may be playing the long game so they can change or humble you later after he proposes. Make sure he has invested in you and your happiness and keeps doing so all the way.
@@lilianoga937 trust me I am shinning my eyes well well, because men will take this type of boundary u set as a bruise to their EGO and be like chameleon only to show u pepper later. Nick CANNON father ABRAHAM said it best.
My own question is where she is getting the time to be doing all that. Be it school, practical/vocational training, work, etc., pour into yourself like you wanna pour into the men. Too often, the role you're auditioning for doesn't even exist. At least, not like you imagine.
It seems like some of these modern boyz want the perks of their grandfathers and ancestors, but they don’t want to put in the work and meet expectations. This makes me appreciate those old-fashioned values and social expectations that kept women from sleeping with, bearing children, cooking and cleaning for a man who would not commit to marrying them and properly supporting his family. We ladies love a good period romance like Bridgerton or a Jane Austen heroine, but maybe we should adopt some of the patience and reserve of those headstrong, independent heroines we hold up and not throw ourselves at the feet of these undeserving man-babies, as if there’s some kind of man shortage.
