"so why don't you leave?" Made me mad just to think about. So many victims of domestic abuse cannot leave for countless reasons... they're threatened, financially dependent on partner, difficult for them to have a fresh start, recover from mental/ physical abuse etc. Its often very dangerous for them to leave. I pray for all women and men in abusive relationships, may you get out and live a happy life 🙏
And it was far worse in the 50s and 60s for a lot of women, because back then most women didn’t have financial independence of any sort, there was no way for a woman to make a mans wages. Plus divorce was looked down upon, many divorced women couldn’t get new husbands because they didn’t have their virginity anymore and a lot of women were blamed for ‘antagonising’ the man or not keeping quiet. Still true to some degree today but not nearly as severe.
I'm proud of myself that I did. I'm a single mom of twin without financial support from their father but since I have work, I am able to provide what they need and now living a happy and contented life as single for 7yrs and counting.🤗
@@woahhowmediocre3860 agreed! And some men have the audacity to say feminism destroys marriages and that divorce rate has gone up because of it like…. 🤨
@@byul1454 exactly, divorce rates are going up because women are learning to stick up for themselves and not tolerate controlling behaviour or abuse, that’s not a bad thing as far as I’m concerned. It’s better for children to live in a two home environment with parents that are civil than seeing their parents abuse each other and learning that behaviour.
The biggest danger for a woman is exactly at the moment after she's left her abusive partner. They feel free to mutilate her or even kill. That's why every single escape from such a relationship requires a lot of planning.
Agreed. Breaks my damn heart. My friend is being abused by his gf. He has normalized her abuse. She kicked him once with two hurt knees and shoulders. Nobody deserves this sh1t!
The final line..."you and I should be friends, we have a lot in common." Oooof. Certainly not the response she expected when she tried to pull the "I need to borrow some sugar" stunt.
Except in an abusive relationship, the abuser doesn't want you to have friends ... in fact he proactively isolates you from your friends and punishes you if you give any attention to anyone but him.
exactly what ralph was doing.. i think the only reason he agreed to come to their party was because Beth Ann heard him yelling at mary and he wanted to clear his name. beth ann already was suspicious about him but he thought that if they go he would be free of it
From what I know from that time, it was easier to still have friends for abused women.. because they were all stay at home wifes and they could visit each other during the day. Sadly, despite all the changes I think abused women nowadays are more isolated than the abused woman back then. And if she didn't leave the house he couldn't hit her for flirting with anyone (he would find another excuse but well)... nowadays, have a phone and a jealous lover and you're in trouble.
Trauma bonding. Threats to their safety, especially if children are involved, or if they’re not financial king secure enough. There are quite a few reasons why people don’t leave.
You can take the actress out of Storybrooke and the Snow white role but you can't take the Snow White out of the actress (Ginnifer Goodwin).. :) Ever the dreamy optimist.
Just cause she's being 'type-cast' as a goody-goody doesn't mean she couldn't play an unhinged or demonic character. Its called 'acting.' (Please excuse my nasty tone.)
I hate the “why don’t you just leave?” Like her situation is any better. Just because he’s not physically abusing her doesn’t mean that her husband is any better.
Makes me feel lucky I'm not in an abusive marriage. Considering how bad it could be. The abusive person in my life is my CRAZY mother! God that's messed up af
@@carolinahernandez627 that man (the cheater) was emotionamlly abusing his wife. Letting her think she is responsible for her daughter's death in order to cover up his cheating was absolutely despicable
@@ines3770 okay great I personally don't care because I've been emotionally abused and that isn't abuse in my eyes. Just gaslighting and manipulation in a dick. My point here is that cheaters are nothing compared to abusers. If some guy cheated on me I'd be heart broke. But then an abusive man will kill me eventually. And you wanna compare the two?
"Why don't you leave" can be a legitimate and necessary question. If you are planning to help someone, you have to be have as much information as possible. This is the moment they can give you an idea of their mental and emotional state. Are they staying out of fear, love, insecurity, manipulation, delusion? Is the spouse threatening them and dangerous to the point they will try and follow them or hurt them? Is the spouse manipulative and threatens to kill themselves? Is the spouse the bread winner and the person will need a new start? Did the person just quit their job but they can pick up a new one. You can get some of these answers by asking the right questions...if not, you may be putting the individual in a more dangerous situation by not planning accordingly. This woman stated that her husband would kill her...obviously, they need to get rid of him. A relative of mine got a shotgun blast to the face in front of her bloody daughter because people didn't realize just how dangerous her spouse was when the family helped her leave him.
True, it’s just that it can be a very tactless way to ask. Usually questions like “are you able to leave” “are you willing to leave soon” “do you have plans to divorce” etc can get the same information without making the victims feel like they’re being perceived as stupid or somewhat responsible
I love how they presented nuances of domestic abuse. When people ask women "why didn't you leave him?" This scene showed one of the numerous reasons they couldn't and not because they didn't want to.
Also keep in mind when wondering why she doesn’t leave/sneak off etc…women couldn’t even have their own bank accounts back then. A woman leaving her husband didn’t have as many options as a woman today.
When everyone discusses why women won't leave, I feel like a huge reason that some women stay is for religious reasons. My Mom has been in an abusive relationship her whole marriage, (despite the fact that she tries to downplay the abuse by always saying that "others have it far worse"). Catholicism has imprisoned her within a moral obligation to uphold her vows. It leaves me resentful and deeply sad to my soul that she can't live a normal life. Her wonderful light is snuffed by the shadows of my father's narcissism.
@@Kid_Charlemagne76 True, but it's an arduous process, and takes the courage to even believe that anyone will believe you in the first place----especially when you don't necessarily have anything but your word. My Mom tried to talk to a priest once, and he basically made her feel like she should do a better job at being a better wife. Watching things like this get swept under the rug is so disheartening, as it is discouraging.
And also cultural views on marriage plays a big part too. Women are less likely to divorce in the middle East and Asia. Religion and culture often re-enforces the other.
I think it's cultural rather than religious. The most dangerous time for a woman who is abused is when she's planning to leave and the 6 months after. Abuse happens across the spectrum of society - it happens in religious and non religious households at the same rate.
@@raylouis7013 I can assure you it can be a great deal for religious reasons. I certainly didn't suggest it was only bc of religion---just that it can be a factor for many ppl. My mom and her Catholic upbringing is an example.
I'm sooooo surprised with Lucy Liu in the cast this isn't more talked about! Everything I'm seeing on RU-vid makes the acting, script and costumes seem so on point
the first season isn’t super long but it is SUPERB, this being by far my favorite plotline. Beth Ann has a really interesting story and a lot of character depth
In the 1960s and 70s my parents had six children so my dad would beat the hell out of my mother and all of us and then people would go why didn't you just leave guess what she had six kids how she supposed to just leave
Reminder that women couldn’t have their own bank accounts until 1974 and didn’t have financial independence until then. Also no fault divorce wasn’t legalized in all 50 states until 2010, when New York finally had it in effect. And many factors play into whether someone leaves. If there’s children it complicates leaving. If one spouse has full control or knowledge over finances it makes it harder to leave.
They simply passed a law in 1974 about this. No bank would turn down a single person, widowed person from putting money into an account or from opening a brand new account or a married person with an existing account from using their single account. Most banks did not require a spousal signature. It had more to do with the person having an income or not for things like loans. Big secret, all women didn’t stay home. ‘Some’ banks were asking for a spousal signature. In 1960 a law was existing to prevent this but it was happening still somewhere in the country so they wrote up something for 1974. And lots of married people just did joint accounts. Certainly for a loan if she wasn’t working. It’s like the library in 1989 asking people for social security numbers. It was not cause there was a law saying you needed one to get a library card. The people making up the form thought it was a neat identifier so threw it on their. They were in California for pity sakes.
So many comments about the "why don't you leave" line. She's a character, not a present day lawyer or colleague or something. She's a housewife in the 50's who doesn't have much experience of what her neighbour is going through and thinks, like many people, that the abused person can simply leave. Perspective/point of view, people.
If its that simple just to leave then why are so many victims being raped murdered trying to leave ? I ran at 2am one xmas 2016. Id be dead if i hadnt. Always had the threat in my head dont make me do some thing you will regret. (His usual words ) or sit let me tell you what really happened. I went on to peace. He went on to get engaged and murder. Rip diane nichol.. for many male or female its no as freaking simple as just leave.
Look I may not get jealousy exactly as the feeling they'd feel. But I do get feelings/love. I get that if you are in love with someone you wouldn't purpusfully hurt them for example.
Women stay because after years of no job as a stay at home mom, if they left they'd have no career and be poor struggling with the kids and he'd be the fun rich dad. So women stay for the lifestyle. Better than a cardboard box.
The dialogues are even cheaper, and the unrealistic stupid palette is complementary 🤣🤣 to think that whosoever made this thought they were creating something good! Clips from this season keep popping in my feed. Totally sounds like someone Googled "domestic abuse + promiscuity," and wrote a school essay, with dialogues sprinkled on top for some flavour 😅😅
I keep seeing clips of this shiw and want to like it, but is the acting supposed to be this bad? It's like you can see them thinking about their lines. 😒
Cheating happens in every second relationship. That sucks, but it doesn't justify murder. It can be considered emotional abuse. Not physical. At least;she could leave. And if I were her;that"s what I would do. But more because he let her believe;that is was her fault;that their daughter died and even used that against her.
Its totally crazy and baffling to me how many people in the modern, wetsern world have that same view you have. Ok really killing your spouse is maybe too far, but mostly because you shouldnt throw your life away cause of that lowlife. Cheating should absolutely be a bigger deal. Some people kill themselves because the hurt, the shame, and being deceived all the time is too much. Its not just about a broken heart. And if someone has such a bad character, to deceive and lie to the one person they are supposed to love i really think they should at least be punished. Like financial compensation at least. Its so freaking crazy to me that cheating is viewed as such a normal everyday thing. Like how??????? All my life whenever i knew the person was in a relationship i lost all romatic desire. Like how
@@azra2263 Ever heard of Esther Perel? She is a psychologist who wrote a book about cheating and gives reasons, why an affair isn't always the end for a couple.
@estherhelbig I can understand that it doesn't have to be the end, but I still feel like it's been to normalised. I do understand that it has always been happening, just that people didn't talk about it, that's worse for sure. But it's still baffling, like now we can talk about it OK. But why does everyone shrug it off so easily? Why can't we condemn it? I'm sorry but psychology to be able to cheat, lie and deceive and also heart someone that trusts and loves you is not normal. Not that it's just a garbage character, no I think you really have to be a little psycho to be able to do this and think it's OK. I mean I guess there are cases where its a one time thing but for serials...
Im sorry what? To who are you referring to? Cause for the abused woman (living in the 50s so cant even have a bank account) to be strong enough to be able to hide all that AND to appear normal and not be severly depressed and suicidal is extreme strenght. She is so much stronger than you are.
