exactly, Thank you,.. i can really resonate with you, sadly... 😔💔 I'm a "work in progress".. 😕 of " feeling worthy".. i tell myself "i am worthy... " 👍🏼😩
Being taught to please everyone else as a child...it's been this way all my life...I do not know how to show any attention to myself, esp. With confidence.
Exactly! This is the true answer. Throw out all this other BS and repeatedly try to quietly sit with those negative feelings until you psychologically metabolize them. Much harder than you might think.
Well, you can sit with negative feelings and let them go but, they’ll keep coming back again and again until you let go of the belief that is “generating” the negative feeling (in the first place).
Judy L. Happiness comes with compassion, gratitude, grace appreciation of small things in every day life. You can re-train your brain to scan for positive things and with practice it will make a difference. Believe me, I had to as I was suicidal. Xx
@@sannat-l8610 yes. it is written in English. happiness is being greatful. im homeless. not much to be picky. i am thankful for every day even when i suffer. the stink, the mold, the sour sweat, the heat, and the bugs. its all soo terrible but what else do i have rn? i have what i can get. i appreciate i have it at all. the mess i keep getting myself into.
@@sannat-l8610 is it normal to feel depressed when you are rewiring your brain for gratitude love and abundance? I'm doing thus, and the 'side effect' has become a really low mood :( It must have something to do with the rewiring of the receptors or synaptic connections. I've heard that when doing this you should accumulate new knowledge, as it strengthens the new pathways...
Julia please do a video about how to start feeling your emotions again after a neglect in childhood. This topic is important and i value your word. Thanks for this video!
Hey! My name is Joshua Heilpern and ive been watching your videos for a couple of weeks now. I cried through this video. I want to say thank you, youre making a grand impact.
Actually it's been months that I have been feeling anxious and depressed which didn't allow me to enjoy the presence of my loved ones or even vacations that I've been really excited about. I always thought it's because of family problems or a toxic person in my life. Somtimes I felt used and humilated without any reason. As I watched the video I saied '' oh just like a human! '' then I paused ... What was it supposed to mean? It means I DO NOT consider myself as A PERSON? then I just realized this dark aura around me was only because of '' me ''. I felt used and humilated but no one was giving me those emotions. I was giving it to myself... I was ignoring my emotions by smiling when someone hurt my feelings or even apologizing for NO PARTICULAR REASON. I just wanted to avoid complaints by sacrificing my emothions, I was using myself by just letting out parts of my character that others would appriciate, not the WHOLE ME. Me the girl who has been taught by her father that disagreeing has consequences and tauught by her classmates that if you let your sadness out people won't love you any more... Me... The girl who needed me the most through all these years and I just ignored her... I closed her mouth harshly just as others did...I wasn't there for myself as I rushed to help friends in need... So I cried... I cried for half an hour because I have been ignoring THE CLOSEST PERSON TO ME for a long long time... then, I stood up and wrote an apology letter for myself and sincerely asked for forgiveness. I want to forgive myself and start to notice the person I've been ignoring for so long... Thank you Julia... Thank you... People out there with low self-esteem... You don't need to worry because you aren't alone. Just acknowledge the reasons you've been held bach from self love and stop them because whoever you are... YOU ARE VERY VERY IMPORTANT AS WELL AS BEING LOVED AND ACCEPTED THE WAY YOU ARE!!! YOU WORTH IT!!!
if I catch myself being verbally harsh to my self, I always say " BE GENTLE WITH YOUR SELF" you can immediately feel a sense of relief after saying these words.
Oh I want to remember this, my friends have asked me, why are you so hard on yourself. Being the baby with an extremely abused narcissist sister 10 years older. I learned if I bashed my self she wasn't as mean to me.
My phone has been my journey. Just looking at your face gives me hope. I store your videos when I'm shaking in my room (recent). . I don't really worry about "small things" what gets to me are arguers. I walk away. When we are calm. Tired today.🌻
Hi Julia, my name is Natalia Stellabotte. I'm very appreciative of this video. A little background on myself: (1) I am a transgender woman; (2) I currently deal with anxiety, depression, Pure-O OCD, ADHD, gender dysphoria and on other item I'll talk about shortly; (3) I have endured physical abuse at the hands of schoolmates and the minimizing of my needs, wants and concerns by those in positions of authority (parents, teachers) and friends; and (4) endured verbal and emotional abuse by managers and co-workers in most places where I have worked. Due to all of this, I remain hopeful, in my therapy appoints I have had a couple revelations about myself, (1) I do not trust people - due to the behavior of past interactions; and (2) I recently learned that I'm an echoist. While it is not in the DSM 5, it is a trait opposite to that of narcissism. As an echoist I do not want any attention drawn to myself that includes but in not limited to receiving recogntion and praise at work, not wanting anyone to do anything nice for me and, not wanting my birthday celebrated at work, where it is a very big thing. This all goes back to having my needs, wants and, concerns diminished and or/minimized to the point, at this current time, I feel safer in not revealing my wants, needs and, concerns so that can maintian the perception that everything if fine. In the article, "Listening to Echoism", by Dr. Craig Malkin, Ph, D, he states that Echoists "have a strong aversion to attention and fear to appear even slightly narcissistic by having a slightly inflated self-image. He goes on to say that having a slightly inflated self-image is actually healthy and help people in being "happy and being persistant in the face of failure". The mantra of Echoists in his article is, "Don't act like you're special. Yesterday while waiting for my therapist to call me into her office, I picked up the May/June 2019 issue of Psychology Today by happenstance and with in it had a cover article entitled "The Opposite of Narcissim"' which was the article written by Dr. Craig Malkin, Ph. D.. I believe not loving yourself, is due to not having your needs, wants and concerns met of addressed, in a healthly manner, by those you consider friends or respect is tied to an extant to echoism, and I was wondering if you might be doing a video on this trait and how, if left to fester, can be just as destructive as narcissism. Thank you for allowing me to ramble on and I'm sorry for such long post but there was a lot of exposition related to my background.
I’ve gotten ALOT better at loving myself. I guess I finally understood that a lot of the crap that happened to me in the past wasn’t all my fault. Some of it was but a lot of it wasn’t and I have a right to love myself and take care of myself every day. Spirituality was huge for me.
Yes! I find myself constantly talking down to myself. Since, I have been listening to you- I am catching that. The stage I am at is when criticism is brought is yes, some of that may be true. I might struggle in that area but I am okay with that. It kind of diffuses their argument. I am learning to accept myself even though, I have flaws.
You are great at Helping me open up my eyes n heart ....im 61 yrs Young im a great guy ... ... I shared your video's with my 16 yr grand daughter n her mom n my sons n all my group of friends ..... Your /Our message Must be Heard ....You Go Girlfriend....Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou.... Xo jimmy
I have come a really really long way :) and I do feel proud of myself. The part I connected with most is to think about how the person that I trust and helps me feel good about myself. That’s my boyfriend. He’s so accepting of what I consider my faults that I harp on in my head about.
I have to tell you, I think I've just had the most important, incredible breakthrough of my life. No joke. I've never understood why I could never connect with others genuinely. I've watched this video and so much became clear. For many various background reasons, I learnt to feel that I was not worthy to even be in the country I grew up in, that because of my ethnicity, accent, birthplace, that I didn't belong. I learnt to dislike myself and didn't like talking about where I'm from. I still feel pangs of awkwardness in publicly talking about myself. This text in itself is part of this breakthrough today. You've helped me realise, that I have to like myself again. Not look to others to find validation. When I liked myself, as a child up to around 7 yes old, before I left my birth country, I really loved myself and was a super happy kid! I remember how much joy I used to bring to others! I think I can start to regain my self love now. Then hopefully, instead of feeling like I 'need' people, I will be able to relate from a safe place, a calm and happy me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart 💗💗💗🙌🏼
Hi Julia! My name is Annette. I have a lot of negative self talk and self doubt fed off of past sexual abuse and traumas. Ive conditioned my self to think that I am not good enough because of how tainted and disgusting I am. But I have to acknowledge that it wasnt my fault. I was just a child. And I just want to say thank you for helping me along my journey. I am so grateful ive came accross your channel. You are an angel. You are opening up my eyes and im challenging my self to heal. Thank you for giving me the right steps and tools to begin. Thank you for all you do!
A friend recommended your videos to me. I see what you are saying, but don’t know how to apply what you said to myself. I’ve had depression most of my life, and tried antidepressants which I feel did nothing but damage me more. Got off those and have tried to be a happy person. It’s just not in me. I lost my husband in 2018 and have felt rudderless since then. I am 66 years old and find myself wanting my end to come soon. Perhaps I need some kind of therapy, just NO drugs again. I will continue watching your videos and hope for a breakthrough.
I can relate to that sense of awe you were describing where you just realize "wow I actually accept myself flaws and all and I'm happy with who I am" it took a lot of work as you said but it's so so so rewarding!!!
Can’t believe how much I’ve grown to hate myself. I’ve become over 50 lbs overweight over the last 7 years. I have self medicated for sleep and anxiety. Tapering now off. My greatest feature was my hair but despite HRT it’s still falling out. I’ve become somewhat of a recluse. I get dressed in the dark and never look at myself in the mirror. I never realized how much self hate has caused me to self sabotage constantly . It’s like I am subconsciously trying to destroy myself. This video has helped me realize how damaging myself loathing has trapped me in a miserable life that I most often wish would end. I will start by trying to treat myself as If I was a friend . I would never tear a cherished friend the way I treat myself. Although this a very hard as it’s become such a subconscious habit
Laying in bed listening to you You are like a god to me I've never really loved myself because I was abused but I'm a fighter and fought so hard to keep myself and my kids safe and healthy I'm still not in the greatest place but I have a roof over my head beautiful loving kids even if I am separated and im proud of that I've always told myself I'm a loser so writing your words down is helpful to put forward for my future 😉 Thankyou so much Your a legend 💪
Good for me...I have made it through a lot and I am still here...I am still trying and I am going to make it all the way. I was enough, I am enough, I will always be enough. And those are difficult words to say. Thank you.
Im so kind to everyone but this video made me realize that Im not being very kind to myself. Im cutting myself out of the kindness I try to do for others. Mindblowing
I am very very very depressed but watching this has helped me greatly for I am a registered nurse and at the same time 30 years ago I was sleeping on the streets of San Francisco addicted to drugs and alcohol so yes I have, very very very far away
I am new to mirror work, and it was interesting to see what my thoughts were as I stared at myself in the mirror silently for 5 solid minutes. The negative voice is definitely there. It makes me find it more endearing to remember the video of the little girl standing on her bathroom counter thrusting her fists and shouting to herself "I like my hair! I like my pajamas! I can do anything good! Yeah!"
Thank you!!! I used to love myself and have gotten into a funk. I have already shared to some good friends who are battling with this also! I am going to start a journal and answer each of these questions you’ve posed. A positive one!
Awesome CandyAustin - you will get out of that funk because you are actively doing something about it. GOOD for you. And thank you for sharing me with your friends - that is the biggest compliment.
I have a mental health issue (personality disorder) and never ever resorted to alcohol, drugs or any other addiction. I'm 54 and have a job and am independent.....I rock 😊
I have overcome and come such a long way . I hate when im feeling so Negative about my body - I will try and be mindful and see the good things about my inside and work on accepting my body as it is.
WOW!!! I needed to hear this! This year has been so full of old endings and new beginnings. Your words showed me that I was fixed on the shortfalls and not on the fact that I have survived!!! So yup Julia, GOOD FOR ME!!
Try to find one thing that I like about my physical body is super, super hard for me. I just look at my self and find all the things that could be better. Will work on this one because I like to start with the hardest one. Thanks for your videos, like the way you explain things and that you provide real tools that I can use.
Im desperately seeking approval from myself and have never ever loved myself- im praying to one day learn to do this- for today though im going to love my flaws n be ok with it ... i hope lol
Thank you so much again you are truly a light in the Darkness for the people who struggle I am in a very bad place right now again things did not go well but I will pick up and and keep going
little steps everyday and a crap ton of self-compassion along the way. Oh, and I think my video coming out this Wednesday is going to help you HUGE with this one.
Thank you Julia for your video's. They are so filled with positiveness. The one thing in this video which grabbed me the most for now is: "look at where you came from". I once read a story of a sherpa, a person who helps mountaineers climb the Himalaya. He said he never looked up to the path he still had to go but always looked back at the path he had already traveled. He said he got depressed at looking at the long and difficult path ahead of him. It made him uncertain and afraid. Would he be able to reach his destination? For myself, I am 67 years old and had a rather harsh life. For instance: four times a near dead experience. Partly because of that I often want to see myself as a victim of all the circumstances and even blame myself. But indeed, the bright side is that I survived them all. I should have been dead, but I'm not. After my wife died last year I keep struggling with the thought: "What's the use, Where do I still live for?" But i am stil alive and very slowly, also the positive things start coming back. And your video most certainly are part of that..
I have internal conflict everyday, I hate myself for my decisions. I see a counsellor and I want to fix myself so I can live happily and give myself and my gf the person I really am.I think people will abandon me cause I am this way so I sometimes create scenarios in my head that don’t exist.
Hey, thank you so much, I can see how this can be so helpful for someone just starting out on that journey for themselves. And I find it so true that I need to be kind and understanding towards myself and to treat myself good, same as I would treat a family member or a friend. I needed to learn how to love myself when my parents didn't do that for me, made me feel worthless and hate myself, and still, I can get a bit jealous of someone who has had like good upbringing, I'm so happy for them, but a bit sad that I didn't get to have that and never will in my life and I can't really replace that type of love with other friends and people in my life.
Just watched this video again and I might even have commented on it in the past, but this time I think I'm going to make a more concerted effort to start with one thing - taking stock of how far I've come over these many years with accepting myself for who I am; then I'm going to work on the other points you brought up. Thank you Julia for being so real and engaging. I still watch your instagram post of dancing to Queen cause it is such an inspiration of how much you like yourself and aren't afraid to be you.
it's not an easy thing to accomplish especially for people with bpd and ptsd ♡ but learning to stop hating yourself and stop talking badly about yourself is the first step and good enough accomplishment ♡ also trying to love yourself all the time is letting yourself for a failure so when we feel disappointed or in a bad mood it's better to still respect ourselves and not be full of self hatred ♡
I'm gonna start with looking in the mirror and trying to find the beautiful parts when I look thank you I gave this to a friend who is feeling suicidal
It's difficult at times to love myself when I was bullied throughout middle school and part of high school. My family was not supportive of me. My grandmother mentally and physically abused me. My uncles to me weren't necessarily nice either. My dad is mentally ill and he wasn't there as a father for me. I was more fond of my mom and her side of the family and that caused derision with my dad's side.
Thank you so much lovely woman. For sharing your own thoughts, for being honest and human (not every therapist is willing to share that) . Loving myself go's to far for my right now, so I'm working on respecting myself and being non judgemental, that on its own is a very hard job. But it's worthwhile to work on it. I'm never satisfied with my accomplishments and never looking to the things I have accomplished already, always looking at all the things I still have to do. While I'm busy, I'm thinking about the next thing I Must do. So wearing myself out and in the mean time haiting myself for doing this, that's bonkers isn't it. So I'm taking 3 steps back looking at what I have accomplished try to enjoy it. Telling myself how strong I am ( even though my disability). Sometimes I think how nice it would be to live in the jungle🤔😂 But then again, all of the crazy thinking is because of living in a crazy jungle (our invironment). I do appreciate all of your efforts to keep us on the Wright track. You have such a great personality💖
I like to see myself as two beings: The first is the conscious me, the one who has my name. The one who is writing this. The second is one I have no direct control over. My unconscious self. I cannot talk to her. I cannot control her. Only she can see, hear, and feel everything I do. Because I cannot directly access her, I cannot command her to be loving. We need to learn to love each other. I need to love her because she helps me function. When I become anxious, that's her trying to protect me because she's scared for us. When I crave junk food, that's her trying to find comfort for us. When I bite my nails without thinking, that's her trying to soothe us. When I automatically think awful thoughts, that's just her helping me respond in the way I've taught her to. She follows the guidelines that I've set up for her. And she needs to learn to love me because I can show her that she can trust me. If she has a thought she needs to get out, then it's my job to say it. If there is a person she want to say hello to, it is my job to go up to them and interact. I shouldn't deny her the happiness of these things. She can learn to trust me. Because we are the same person. She is my desires and I am her commands. And we are one. I guess thinking about it this way, it's nice to not feel alone. It feels comfortable. But I want us to become more united. As of right now, it feels like we're two different people trying to function together. But I want us to love each other so that we can finally feel like a single being. She feels a way and I act in that way because we are in accordance. Wouldn't that be amazing?
I'm going to have more positive self talk. I'm going to tell myself how awesome I am and how happy I'm to be me. And take better care of myself because I know I'm not doing the best I can.
Thank you Julia.. Good for me.. I’ve learned so much about all this stuff that’s it’s amazing how easy it is to forget when you get into an unwell mindset.. I’m ready to get back on track of doing to work to love myself and keep my relationship with myself positive
Another great video, thank you Julia. I'm going to be more mindful and work at decreasing the negative self talk to others and to myself. However, this guy is going to give himself some mirror time as well.
When I get home from work, I always run around to get what housework done I can, take care of the animals, cook, and catch up on everything I can until I am exhausted. A change I am going to make is: I am going to take a break after I do the essentials, sit down and have a glass of tea and maybe read and enjoy some fresh air, or just do nothing. It's going to be hard, so I'm setting a goal to do it for 15 minutes at first.
I am gonna start with thinking about what the people do who I trust and love. What do they do that makes me feel loved and seen. What do they say and how do they say the things that makes me trust them. What can I learn from them to be consistent in giving love and trust, like they do. Thank you so much Julia Kristina.
Thank you *SO MUCH* for this video and sharing your knowledge with your viewers! This video topic truly hit home with me. Which point connected with me in this video? How do I view myself when I look at myself in the mirror? Sadly, I see all the 'flaws'. Why? I grew up with a maternal grandmother who regularly brought to my attention anything and everything that was negative about my appearance. So I learned to look for any little thing that was 'wrong' with me/my appearance. I'll definitely start working on this from the *POSITIVE* side! The other point was acknowledging how far I've come and not focus on how far I have yet to go! *SO TRUE!!* I've come *SUCH* a long way from even 6 months ago!! :)
I'm never talking about the things that I like about myself or the things that I'm most proud of cause I don't wanna come off as selfish or narcissistic
