William S Burroughs - The Junky's Christmas. Full Version. 

Im hooked on not taking drugs....

"You have to stop".

a single shot to the head is effective, ask Burrough's ex-wife.

I'm not ready to treat other people who are, yet. I'm still treating myself. (10yrs clean) "One step, one day at a time..."

?

@NASkeywest Spot on indeed. In my dark room, jimmy legs driving me mad, I'm at the 3-6-9-12 positions with no possibility of relief. To top it off, I can hear the Fish tank motor from the living room that, when well, I can't even hardly hear IN the living room. Oh, and the tiny green light on my cable box (before we went Fire stick) is now lighting up the WHOLE ROOM. Of course, I'd been here many times, I knew my senses were peeled and my eyes were so dilated that they actually saw more of the spectrum, I suppose. I do know that the divider between our world and other worlds is often opened slightly or, as I have experienced, dropped altogether. So kids? JUST SAY NO, yeah? Especially since everything is cut with this Xylazine...Tranq. H is, well, that's gone practically. Blow is also now cut with this shit. Just...Don't.

That part jumped out at me too .... that HYPER-sense of smell, ... especially of that toxic putrid cold sweet oozing from every pore, the feel of of breeze hurts, the world lit by a million watt lightbulb with every molecule of air YELLING at me ....

There are a lot of guys I still think about.

Although keep on doing heroine when you get older is almost impossible ......it's possible though to self medicate with methadone or similar opioids, to keep surviving this madhouse called earth . If I had gone through rehab I probably wouldn't have been able to reach 70 . Although in some nations (like in the Netherlands) it's thankfully possible to get those medications through pharmacists , instead of having to go to some run down building to get your daily dose .

I think he is probably in the same place with Danny from the cartoon.

Never an addict donate his fix you know it better

@@PAULLONDEN you've never tried to live without opiates? It's tough, but i do get enjoyment from other things (After the initial few months of withdrawal is over)...God I miss it though

Been a Burroughs fan for a while but just came across this little gem a few months ago

+johnette kelly Welcome to the fold and merry christmas :)

You too thanks

So is selling it all to keep honest right

The Junk Equation: “Junk is not, like alcohol or weed, a means of increased enjoyment of life. Junk is not for kicks, it is a way of life.” - William Burroughs

Thank you for the "nobody is beyond goodness" comment. It so describes my heroin junkie family.

Survive. The wisest thing I've seen anyone say about addiction in a long time. The greater the survival instinct in the addict the worse they will be because a strong survival instinct is good for more than just staying alive once they have acquired the hunger. But it's also good for so much more. If the addict is still alive there is still hope for them.

Addictions are short-term survival and long-term suicide.

You are one lucky dude, I also met Kurt and Burroughs back in the early 90's!

Hundreds of people within your whole life, and many just maintain a stable dependence and hide it, cuz you never see them when they aren't well.

@@KatherineClairmont Exactly. When I got on methadone and started living a more stable life (i.e. An actual job) I noticed and found out about more functioning alcoholics and junkies than I originally thought existed. I’ve had so many co-workers ask me for advice about “friends” or “family” even though I knew the truth before they even asked.

Its 6-1 today, been on the nod all month and the first of the month too, been awake all month seeing ghosts and having a crisis after my partner left for a while, but i like died 5 times and now im fine

@@stella-vu8vh you sure, Stella?

Spectrescup no, i wasnt then, but i thought i was going to die, then as well. I am still here, although i dont know why, this time. I am really tired though, after staying up 30 straight days until i bombed out hard on myself and imploded my life i was building, i need a good nap, but i cant even get my 72 hours uninterrupted sleep, because of other reasons not listed here. I do have to ask, why did you ask me that? Do you actually give a shit, gut feeling, what? I appreciate that you did, because its nice to know someone cared enough to check in.

Spectrescup simply put, no, im not sure, i am never sure, unless im certain, in which case i am sure, but im rarely certain and mostly sure.

@@stella-vu8vh How are you doing now?

+Daniel Maguire Whatever gets you through it. I just hate it when people blame the "dope" or "Alcohol" or "demons" that made them do ______. People need to take responsibility for their actions and pain they cause family and loved ones due to addiction. Glad your Dad is doing well. Take Care

@@thepupils209 My motto has always been "Pick up the tab".

@yeahSOwhat BRAVO!! Best comment on this thread!! It's like, there would be no cartel violence if the "War on Drugs" (read: war on freedom) had not been declared.

@@thepupils209 Would you blaim a cancer patient for the pain he caused his family? Would you blame the bi-polar person for not making the right decisions for their family? No, you wouldn't. And you can't put all the blame in the person who is addicted. Addiction is a physical and mental illness. These people physically cant' stop. They don't need hate, they need treatment and support.

Wow! The power of books are crazy! I'm glad it helped you!

The Void yeah me too

Tommy Oneill Sounds like you met the real Danny the car wiper!

Tommy Oneill Meh, he prolly took his cut off the top. I know I would have...figured his connect was enough better than yours that you'd never notice.

Tommy-- I know this post is a year old but this is another Christma...That guy who scored for you reminds me of the character NICK iin JUNKY;...I quote from the novel---"Nick hoped that the people he scored for would give him at least the head off a cap. Most of the time all he got was a casual thanks, the person convincing himself that Nick had got his on the other end." I reckon we've all gone over the line...anything to avoid being dope sick. Have a Happy Christmas.

The Void a beautiful holiday tradition.

+WitchidWitchid You are absolutely spot on my friend. If you've been there....you know...

+tacman1974 Yep, been there myself more than once.

I know what an achievement it is. A great achievement. Well done my friend. I wish you all the best. Total and ever lasting.....non opiate use!!!

+WitchidWitchid the immaculate fix

That's it!! The immaculate fix...

I shudder when I remember how awful withdrawal was. I'm fifty in May and I came off methadone in 2014 after 21 years. I immediately and predictably feel back on alcohol but have stopped drinking in the last couple of weeks before it kills me. I'm just smoking weed now.

@@Lee.Carlson I'm 46 , I've been on methadone, and suboxone and now the Seblicate. I have been "opiate" free 7.5 yrs. Had the same thing, I went back to drinking, and then became homeless. I now live far from "home", but I take my anxiety meds and weed. I'm hoping you find some peace. In 2020, I lost my Dad, partner, cousin and 2 childhood friends in 18 days, I thought I'd relapse- but I made a promise to my Dad, not to move backwards... Best of luck in this New Year.... the 🌎 has gone crazy- buckle up, batten down the hatches!!♥️

@@savage9514 Hehehe. Nice sentiments and sorry for your losses. My only sibling which was my sister a year older than me died in 2016 and I've lost innumerable friends to it. As hard as it is, it's in our own hands to stay clean and alive. I managed to circumvent going to prison but I was hopelessly hooked from eighteen to thirty-seven. I was first offered heroin not long before my seventeenth birthday but didn't take the plunge until I was seventeen and a half...being addicted on a blood chemical level didn't arrive until just over a year later after first trying some. The idea of experimenting with it crept surreptitiously into my nascent teenage psyche over the course of the six months between first being offered it and smoking a few lines. Once you have tasted the sweet nectar of the poppy, you certainly become ensorcelled by its charms. But it leaves an indelible mark on your soul after seeing people at their worst many times. What a world we live in! But I intend to continue beating a path through the jungle that is life. As I fervently hope you do my friend.

@@Lee.Carlson I could not have put that any better. I did some time- for me, at 13, it started with drinking, acid, by 16, cocaine- and just that drug step ladder most of us climb. I still battle inside with cocaine, as it has been always in my life from 19, till the end of 2021. As my claim is "opiate free", and since I moved, cocaine free. It wasn't till 2029, Covid, all the loss, and the fact Trudeau stuck $4000 in my bank account the day of the mass shooting- we all have to own our own 💩- but I went a little off- no spikes, just smoking but, that was my relapse. Had 3 ozs of weed, a new phone and a carton of smokes, $8000 in the hole, and lessons learned. I don't beat myself up about it. I dealt with so much grief and loss, I could have done worse, or not return from it. I'm a lucky one. We just had 15 deaths in 9 days, new drug being put in everything. I'm sorry for your losses as well. I just keep saying, I must be here for a reason.... so must you. Best of luck in this New Year..... keep on smoking that green lol. Keeps me at bay lol

Peace Be with you!!

+Theevil6ify : Burroughs was clean back in the late 70's. He said he no longer had a need for heroin, and it didn't bother him at all. He told this to a group of people who attended a writer's workshop in Toronto.

+Ottee2 He also did methadone maintenance for decades afterwards and still had his personal assistant score him dope sometimes. He was bullshitting or at least minimizing at that workshop.

schwarzblatt : It's entirely possible. I'm just reporting what he said. His assistant was with him, by the way, at the workshop.

He may have occasionally indulged in extraordinary Smack, Dilaudid, morphine & other HP Opiates. He had a fondness for Eukodol, a wonderful German oxycodone•hcl sol for inj. & I think he deserved the occasional indulgence.

Yes he still indulged from time to time. As you get older it gets easier to not indulge all the time. Methadone helps to bring use down. I myself indulge occasionally also.

The emaculate high

DougglesMagnificent Drug dealers are people to. Look at George the Greek. No short counts.

never hadda free hit never ever

I never risked it! I knew when Christmas came I saved up a bit of money to last me till a few days.

sold it and bought it, gave some free hits, took some free hits, long gone (subutex now) This Burroughs Story is my dearest Christmas Tale

@@Bonesph Exactly. George the Greek was a right guy.

Stay strong mate. God be with you.

Hope you still in good health and shape.

And I thought my ~2010-2023 streak was long Junkie life is unique. Gotta have unique traditions.

@@fritzfxx Heh, same here!

I lived in Brooklyn when 9'11 occurred. My wife, we were living in PA and she'd had enough of me driving hack so I could always have cash to get at least one bundle a day. Doc Hollidays (?) on Ave A was a great dive bar. The barmaid would take our dope orders collected the cash and left saying "I shall return bearing gifts!!" Heh, only in the GOLES. Right. A habit is a habit is a habit. I'm in a kind of recovery program...slow going. I dream of dope, wake up with the smell of dope and/or coke in my nostrils...I cry when I realize it's a dream. Opiates, no matter what kind, is a holy bitch to kick. But I would imagine meth is doubly hard. I wish you every happiness in this life. Peace.| PS-- Last Words a MUST for any Burroughs lover. When he is reminiscing about the Eukodol , the drug, a synthetic Opiate manufactured by the Germans. Quote from Last Words: I guess I used all up in Tangier-- but's it's still out there in Quevedo, Equador, on a dusty back shelf covered with mildew on a South seas island.Maybe up in some Swede town under the Northern Lights. "Any more of that?" "Well, yes--a consignment of twenty boxes, 20 in each box. Let you have it all for, well say $100 US dollars." "Done." In Last Words, as you know, Uncle Bill wakes up mildly junk sick...he has two other Eukodol fantasies in the book. Or, the night he wrote; "Chinese food took a heavy toll on my guts. Can hardly wait for dawn and Methadone Maybe a little Codeine. A pinkies packet left, so I think. No...well who can blame and addict's fingers?" One last Important NOTE: In "Last Words", Burroughs made an appeal to HIS PEOPLE, US, his fans, to carry on the War AGAINST the "Idiotic War on Drugs." Roughly paraphrased; "If you are my readers, you co-creators go out and punch a hole in the BIG LIE...punch a hole in it FOR ME. (emphasis mine) I have tried hard to do just that. Well, Happy Thanksgiving.

Exactly

I had a friend who was a hardcore tweaker for about 2 yrs. I don't think there was anybody he wouldn't have screwed over to get his fix, unlike Danny.

@@robzilla730 you can’t trust the average tweaker far as you can throw ‘em. funnily enough though, the most honest and trustworthy dude i ever met in all my years of being a street urchin was a huuuge tweaker. i don’t think he’d ever burned anyone in his whole life. & it wasn’t like he was naïve or a pushover either. dude had street smarts. he just didn’t have the constitution for dishonesty. it really just depends on the person i guess. some would trade their own mother for a bag of dope, while some would rather be sick every single time rather than risk compromising their ideals. people like him are rare, but they exist

Been off of opiates for a year. Reading your comment gave me chills.

Keeping it honest day in night in

I post it every Christmas eve, as a reminder to those with plenty......so many are much less fortunate

Exactly

Lol, The Queen's Message (Burroughs wasn't what would be called a "queen" these days, or a "swish" in his time... He knew that gay men weren't all camp, limp-wristed "fops"... He was THE MANLY GAY (which, don't get me wrong, is pretty problematic today... But he was trying to wake people up to the fact that there's no such thing as "gay behaviour".. 'You may be a f*g but you make love like a pimp"-Joan Vollmer to WSB in the late 1940's, I guess) . "This man was disturbing the peace while getting a piece"--that one sheriff who busted WSB and Joan for having sex on the side of the road in their car. Yeah, WSB didn't conform to ANY fucking box you tried to fit him in!

Hell with all the dope! Opiods are poison. They turn grown men into pussies! I'll never go back to that shit, being a slave to some low life drug dealer. You can have that shit.

4 years this time 18 last time... Let's do this shit!💪🤨

José Belmar Suck ass poem.

+Lori Crockett I agree.

+José Belmar please adjust your medication.

For me too, Lori. I read it aloud every year for my wife in my best Burroughs voice. Nice message, Lori...All the Best!

Yeah. I'm 25 years an addict. Nobody cares except for some good writers like Burroughs, who shows that we still care.

You are not alone❤

@@jeffryhammel3035 there are plenty of people who care. You know where to find these people. They are not out in the streets though

@@jeffryhammel3035 Hey Jeffry. I started popping pills in '98 but didn't get a real habit until October, 2002 when I started on Oxycontin and h...you don't forget that first time you wake up sick and you got nothing...have to start up my money maker, my cab, and three hours later I got enough for a bundle...then I got had a Florida pill mill guy for the Oxycontin a couple days later. We DO care here on this page, brother. Yeah, you get the occasional asshole who is feeding off people's hardships or trying to live vicariously something he/she doesn't have the guts to try themselves. It takes a lot to survive two decades plus, my friend.. We've all sacrificed varying chunks of ourselves to powder and pill, We care. I care.

God bless you. Stay strong and safe 💪

Me too

honestly money has never been an issue for me - it's keeping the connections going

@@fattymcfatso1083 The connections… always the connections.

Been clean for 22 years but I had PIC too . 3 of us sometimes on are own but one would help the other if we could. Cop together put money together to get a gram to get a better deal. Not proud but just how it was. Amazingly we all got clean and are still alive although we are still friends we don't hang as much anymore Dunkin donuts once in a while.

I can't stand to see anyone dope sick. I'm an Old J and we look out for one another that way... unless you're a narc, or asshole. That kinda Skaggard can lump it. That's KARMA, Jack.

@@fattymcfatso1083 Freewheeling Freddy sez, "Dope will get you through times of No Money better than Money will get you through times of No Dope". ~Old Doper Poster 1970's

It really is.

Sorta But Danny is widely considered to have died at the end

anonymous anonymous I know this is late, but I give a shit and I hope you are Ok. I'm going through it, too. You're not alone. Hold on. Keep your chin up, head down. Love and Peace.

It's almost like an angel whispering it. The struggle ended.

Bella Legosi If you want a great personal account of opiate addiction before the Great Depression (just a FYI--Burroughs started using a year or two after WWII ) check out You Can't Win by Jack Black (no, not that Jack Black!), the autobiographical book influenced Burroughs and shaped his writing. Indeed a common edition has a short foreword/introduction by WSB. Jack Black was a HUGELY interesting dude, look him up and try to read the book because I promise you won't be disappointed! If you liked Junkie you'll almost certainly get a kick out of You Can't Win!

Deadbeat Jeff How are you doing now brother?

I have listened to this many times while waiting to cop. Burroughs' wisened rough yet smooth reading voice is always a tonic

Best for you. I'm a 30 year user. We all care.

@@jeffryhammel3035 30 years & your still going now?!

@@billepperson2662 Hey, B.E. Yes, I used from the early 70's to the very late 90's. We still had a family atmosphere thru it all, and remained human. The last 24 years have been great.

*must've or *must have. :D

Absolutely... the description cuts through you like a knife. Glad not to be there now. Merry Christmas!!

Oh

“Junk is not a kick, it is a way of life.” - William S Burroughs

@@luke125 Yup, that's what he wrote...

@@vollsticks Wasn't it : "It's not a habit, it's a way of life" - or am I forgetting my lines? Oh no ! But I am rather in the mood to watch NL than read. Have to wait for a call - no, not THAT CALL , not anymore, just some agency.

Leo Brusselman yup, it’s become a yearly tradition for me.

Me too. It’s my favorite Christmas story of all time. 🎄

Kickin him out, is the worst thing you could do .

Well, I'm praying for you both! May you be reunited in happier circumstances

I’m sorry about your son. I’m not saying what you did was the wrong thing. He may have chose those first experimental doses, but I assure you no addict chooses to live the way they do. It’s the definition of addiction, the absence of choice. It’s not easy but they should be pitied and deserve help.

@@tonypellock5326 there is no such thing as addiction, only things you like doing more than life. The so called addict will experience the pain of going without and withdrawal many times but will always choose to give in to their base nature and use, over and over again. Until one day they choose not to. End of story. I should add that heroin withdrawal will not kill them , its the lack of willpower to go through it that only LOOKS like they have no control. The rehab industry thrives on such misinformation and those who don't know first hand buy it hook line and sinker.

Throwing someone out on the street like a dog, especially one who is dependent, always improves ones situation.... except people don't even do that to dogs.....

Every year of the the 24 clean ,I have shared this in some way shape or form.

I'll tell folk that , when they tell me their house / car / shed has been robbed. It will warm their hearts 😂

@joangordoneielo First, as a Jew, I support Israel of course, too. I have family in Eilat and they are under the gun...I pray Hashem protect Eretz Yisrael and Am Yisrael (CHAI!). Yes, just now crawling out from under a 22 year run, used every day...with only times of lack and junk sickness the only days I didn't. That makes about 45 days in 22 years. I might as well've been in suspended animation. I missed everything...things I can't get back from not being present with my family. But to your point; I COULD NOT leave another addict sick, even though I was left ill more than a couple times. That's on THEM. Yeah, as Burroughs said, "Junkies are a pretty sane lot." Happy Thanksgiving.

And It's that time of the year once again

Me too!!

I'm back again this year

a few days late this year my ass has been nodding off something fierce,that last bundle of Big Apple stamps I coped really kicked my ass! But the tradition continues on

I'm still here & back again this Christmas,actually about to drink my morning methadone dose why watching.Hope all the Junky's get Fire bundles & fat stamp bags this x-mas and for those in recovery I wish you nothing but the best,I will be back again next year!

@Deadbeat Jeff Feel EXACTLY the same way, man! What source did you use for the Uncle Bill tattoo? Yeah, I go to this several times throughout the year and on Christmas Eve, while other folks are reading "Twas The Night Before Christmas", I am reading "The Junky's Christmas" aloud to my wife, who suffered seeing me in the most horrendous (and twice life threatening) withdrawals for many years. Seldom, well, never can I get to through the last paragraph without tears falling and voice trembling. On "maintenance" now (yawn) ...still, better than the life that robbed me of so many years of being emotionally present with my wife and daughter. So true what William wrote---(paraphrasing) "An addict's factual memory might be quite accurate...but his emotional memory is non-existent." This was precisely the case for me. When I "came back", I had to be TOLD so many things...it was no different than being in prison, separated from loved ones for years. Take care---great comment.

Going on 4 years now. Don't think I'll ever recover.

@Ophelia Artaud I've lost track how long I've been watching and reading this aloud each Christmas---impossible not to cry as I read the ending. What addict could? Take care, Ophelia.

@@1060michaelg it's pretty relatable stuff for me. I OD'ed in the bathroom with relatives in the driveway waiting to bring me to Christmas dinner last year. Bad times

@@ophelia.artaud Yeah, Xmas 2015 I went into w/d from opiates and benzos at same time. On Xmas Day I went "Down the Rabbit Hole" and did not emerge until the 29th. While in these "worlds" (back in the real world, I nearly died) I saw a hellish Land of the Dead, words can't convey they horror of what I saw. I went through "levels" on my way BACK. The last was the most disturbing; I awoke in my bed...hearing my grown daughter and wife talking about me having "Alzheimer's" . I walked on trembly legs out towards the living room. My daughter sat on the couch, staring at me. I said, "Ash, tell me what's going on...I heard you and mommy---do I have Alzheimer's?" She looked at my eyes, shifted her gaze slowly to my chest, back to my eyes. "Why are you doing this, honey? You're scaring daddy...am I losing my mind?" She repeated the Eyes, Chest, back to Eyes. I heard a car start. I went PAST my daughter and looked out the front door. My wife Val was scraping ice off of her car....I stumbled out the door in bare feet in my now stinking sweat pants and shirt. "Val...do I have Alzheimer's? You HAVE to tell me now while I still understand...Ashleigh is in there scaring the shit out of me!" Val said, "No, baby...you're back---you've been out for 4 days. The doctor called a prescription in until he can see you. It's over." "Jesus, what is Ashleigh pulling, then?" "Honey, Ashleigh is at her apartment." Mind blown. I have finally come to a conclusion as to what the "Ashleigh apparition" was; it was a "gatekeeper". When I decided to PASS her, I was stepping back INTO life. I believe had I gone back into my room, I would never have come out again. Sorry for the novel...but there it is. Take care, Ophelia...Stay Well or do the best you (we) can!

@@1060michaelg I've gone through both opioid and benzo withdrawal but not at the same time. I can't imagine how terrible that is, I know it can be life threatening though. I'm glad you made it through OK. I've been off heroin for 8 months myself

Yep.

gotta shop early b/c no one cares about a sick junkie on christmas day

Definitely

yep - any time of year tho

The way education and libraries are going in this post-Trump era is deeply sad, hard to believe. I used to ride my bike to a good library in Concord MA, and take my time discovering books and writers that were essential to understanding myself and the world and offered pleasure as well. Nobody I knew read the stuff that interested me. They had first editions of everyone from Joseph Conrad to Paul Bowles. This was a lifeline for a lonely, curious kid, and my memories remain vivid!

Kindness is sometimes rewarded.

Spare Ass Annie is a fucking great album!

@@vollsticks I fucking love that album. “Dr. Benway Operates” is my favorite track. Sinister.

@@luke125 Nurse: Perhaps the appendix is on the left side doctor, I saw a scar..."Stop looking over my shoulder, I'm coming to that...don't you think I know where an appendix is? I studied appendectomy in 1904 at Harvard!

@@1060michaelg “You squirts couldn’t lance a pimple without electric vibrating scalpel and suture. All the skill’s going outta surgery! All the know how and make due!”

LOL!! "Did I ever tell you about the time I performed an emergency appendectomy with a rusty sardine can? And once, I was caught without instrument ONE, and removed a uterine tumor with my TEETH. Well, that was in the Upper Effendi and besides...the wench is dead."

Bless you mate. I’m glad you made it.

I also lived the horror of having to get up each day, On Empty and that dread knowledge that you had to get up the money SOMEHOW for a bundle and if you were real careful, get you through the day. Every fellow junkie I've ever known wasn't the person they "used to be"; One owned a comic book store...another was a lawyer who hated being a lawyer...it came in handy, though! Me, I used to drive cement mixers and dump trucks and made great money. And every one of us, to the man/woman, SWORE there were lines we'd NEVER CROSS...then watched ourselves step over each one, careful not to erase the line so that we might find our way back, if we cared to. I never thought I'd enter a home and strong-arm a friend for money, but I did. The lucky ones who make it back with what's left of our persons, like me, make amends, live as good a life as we can, try as hard as we can NOT to relapse...and be thankful we are still alive, for our families, our friends, and as a cautionary tale.

So true, gman, all systems ARE fascists in their own way!

1060michaelg I'll never forget that feeling of dread every morning. Waking up in an instant panic in a room without heat in Philly in February. Fucking hell! I'm still not out of the woods, chipping a few times a week. But it's starting to get a hold of me again.

@@1060michaelg Control! I think in many ways Burroughs was an anarchist... He strove through his writing to discredit and overthrow all systems of control... If that's not anarchism I don't know what is! Apparently he shared a townhouse in NYC with the anarchist writer (and, unfortunately, pederasty advocate) Hakim Bey. Burroughs would insist on a cup of Earl Grey tea to wash down his raw Chinese opium!

@@soulCracka1 How you holding up, brother?