Worst Ever: HyperScan by Mattel - Rerez 

Fun fact: the HyperScan was killed before all cards for X-Men were released, leaving half of the game locked.

They tried to do amiibos too early, and did literally everything wrong.

My cousin actually got one of these for Christmas. He and my other cousin(his little sister) played it literally once for like half an hour tops and then his sister eventually stuck googly eyes on it and turned it into a “doll.” That scene at the very end had me in stitches because she would make it talk like that.

4:09 Keep in mind that this thing only sold 10,000 units... And since they were prone to breaking, you can probably imagine how many were returned

At the beginning of the video I first thought "Oh another 90's console", when he said it was the same generation as Xbox360 and Playstation 3 I was quite baffled.

if I remember, AVGN covered this a long time back, and it also took millions of years to load rumor has it that its still loading to this day

This was what I read up regarding USB: “Further, the USB port on the back of the HyperScan -- means that every HyperScan console ever built can be a host or device to a PC. That means every console is a developer kit.”

Pleading with your parents about the indeterminate funds you require to buy cards and complete a Hyperscan game in 2006 while superior browser games are free and all your homies are packing Pokemon cards is like Wile E. Coyote walking in mid-air away from a cliff without falling because he's still looking forward.

Microsoft: Xbox Mattel: Lootbox

I feel sorry for every kid who got this as present.

Rerez : On the hyperscan you could spend hundreds of dollars on a single game. EA: Hold my beer

The funny thing about this console is that when you take into account how expensive all the cards were, assuming you wanted to do anything more with this thing besides cleaning out your ass with it, would be just as if not more expensive than even the 360 and PS3 were at launch, just to unlock all the content on a disc.

Is it just me, or the name "Intellicards" sound like a unreleased, uncool accessory for the Intellivision? Pretty ironic, because Mattel created both.

"_____ is a massive company, and they can do no harm right?" oh boy if I had a dollar for every time someone thought THAT

The worst part about this console is that its moneymaking gimmick of locking content behind random draws actually survived its demise...

I worked for mattel and helped make this system. We had extra money in the budget, and to be honest...the execs are so disconnected, you just have a good pitch and you can have anything you want.

The Hyperscan is the abused child of the Intellivision that no one talks about at the old consoles reunion. You know the one. So messed up and unloved feeling that he committed crimes beyond the scope of humanity and got sent to federal prison for consecutive life sentences so hardly anyone wants to bring him up at the dinner table. Edit: Stadia is now Hyperscan's cell mate in that federal prison. For the same reasons.

Sonic 06: "We have loading screens that take forever" HyperScan: "Hold my cards!"

let's just appreciate the fact he spent a fortune just trying to find a working unit-

Funnily enough, that old port is called a PS/2 port... and you actually can still find them on high end computer motherboards. There are some people that swear by them. Clearly an advantage that the hyperscan did not take advantage of.

Shane: "Way back in the year *2006...* " Me: Graduated high school in 2005, "Yea... That's *SO* old, dude..." Me: God, *I'm* SO old, dude...

Me: mom can we get skylanders Mom: we have skylanders at home Skylanders at home:

For hilarious reading, look up this console's system specs. 16 MBs of RAM! A 32-bit processor! High tech!

17:42 actually, i think i know where the hyperscan went wrong, and why the xman games specifically were so laggy (just a theory) you see: games that run on discs need to check on the disc itself what is supposed to be happening. the reason why there are load screens is so the game can read what is supposed to be in that area (enter a house, the game enters a loading screen, at which point the console starts frantically clawing through the disc to figure out what is supposed to be in the house, then renders it) the reason why hyperscan games take so long to load is cause the games have a fuckload of characters and assets in order to make sure you buy all the cards they wanna sell. they have to render all of those assets and the moves before you play, and all the data is on a disc. this means it has to actually scan the disc first to get the data BEFORE it can actually use it. so when you open the select screen it has to (written as a list) 1. look for, and memorise EVERY character in game INCLUDING their animations and sounds 2. check what code every character has (same one thats on the card) and assign them correctly 3. repeat the same thing, but for levels (not rendering the level itself, just the codes that say what level you can pick) 4. wait for a card that has a specific piece of code that says that its for that specific game 5. scan the card for the code that says what character and level you pick 6. after the player confirms that they want to pick those characters and levels, tear through the disc for all assets for the specific characters and level you picked out of ALL the other options in game 7. after finding EVERYTHING the game needs to play, remove all previous assets and search for al the other crap the game needs to work. 8. render it. these are the steps these games have to take in order to work smoothly, which takes a while. however, you claimed there was just 1 game that wasnt made by the same company, so i can actually guess where the lag comes from... using rivals of aether. in rivals of aether, you can make custom characters. however the game actually has a placeholder character (a white box with a face) that has its own animations and attacks. if a move is missing, the white box does its move in order to make sure even if you're playing a broken character (not like golden Ronald McDonald, i mean not functioning broken) you can still fight and win. i think the X-Men games actually use this idea dragged to its extreme while also unoptimized. while in development they had a little placeholder character they used to play the game. that character didnt have troubles with lag, so they made all the characters, moves and assets the game would need. however, this caused the character roster to get stretched WAY too big. this makes loading take SUPER long. as for the input lag, this is a mix of the giant amount of crap it has to look up, and horrific optimization. why do i think that? its cause of IWL, the one game not made by mattel (or whoever). IWL actually doesnt suffer as much input lag, which means the code is better optimized or the character roster is smaller. this is something that the marvel games suffer from, as their roster is gigantic. this forces the game to double check what its supposed to do when you press a button. this also seemingly happens to the computer, as you claimed "ai thats as sacred and confused as the player" which means NOT ONLY do *YOU* suffer input lag, but the fucking *_COMPUTER DOES TOO_*

This amount of greed is actually disgusting

You forgot one thing about the intellivision: That gorgeous and beautiful woodgrain

Imagine making your pack in game a fighting game, then not giving your controller a d-pad. I guess it would be all right if the special move inputs were just quarter circle motions, but if there were dragon punch motions and stuff like that I feel so bad for anybody who tried to play this.

As a comic fan I remember seeing this mess advertised in comics a ton. Thought it seemed like a terrible idea.

Someone needs to reverse engineer this to unlock all the content.

Apparently they didn't even release all the cards for all the games. So even if you did fork out, you still couldn't get a complete set!

Fun Fact: The HyperScan’s Wikipedia page has the minimum amount of money you would have to spend in order to get all of the cards in the game. Combined it would be around no less than $1000?!!!!

The Hyperscan sounds like Modern Video games today. Mattel and the Hyperscan were ahead of their time.

Not only did Mattel also make the intellevision, they also produced the power glove for the NES

I would love to read/watch a behind the scenes from the dev teams for these games and the console itself.

2:39 love how he positioned the camera to make it look like a generic toy review. Which makes sense because mattel is technically a toy maker.

IWL could’ve been a neat return to the cartoony, lighthearted style of games that were popular in the 16-bit era. I’m not a fan of that type of game, but I know some people are.

who else thought unregulated gambling targeting children was illegal?

You could spend a hundred dollars on a single game. -Every EA game ever

I like how this series is slowly recording his descent into insanity

“Mattel is a massive company and they could do no harm, right?” Tell that to Thomas and Friends.

If your game console is located in the toy aisle; it's garbage. My young self knew better to avoid this junk. Hell, I think it was already in the clearance bins when it was new; it was that bad.

hyper scan: flops Nintendo: Releases Animal Crossing Amiibo Festival 9 years later.

Very fun idea, I could imagine the “mods” from the Marvel game being in-game unlockables in a much better game... But paying for all of them? Paying to get a *chance* at playing them? That’s beyond fucked.

Seeing the Thing fall again and again and AGAIN into the crevice was hilarious. Lol.

Sonic 06: My loading screens are going to be so terrible everyone will remember me for them! HyperScan: Hold my beer!

I love his face when he says "Get out your pack of paid DLC nubbins!"

One of the characters from IWL: I like pie, I like to eat pie everyday. Hugh Neutron: Endless pie. Endless pie.

“The hyperscan looks like something that batman wouldve thrown out of his batcave bc it was obsolete”

"Some games were planned to have more than one type of Card Packs, being released at a later date. X-Men had in the manual the complete list of 102 cards that could work with the game, the first half being released as the Black Series, with a later Red Series being planned but canceled, leaving the game with half the content locked with no way to access it." From the wikipedia article. Just wow. Instead of doing Hot Wheels AcceleRacers 5 and 6, Mattel did this. smh

26:20 the only good thing you can do with this thing, no cards required

"Let's make an SNES and put all of the characters behind a paywall." "OK, I hear you, but what if we put them behind a paywall _and_ we make them trading cards?" "Only if we use gacha mechanics, too."

I'm amazed you not even once mispronounced it as 'HyperScam'.

I remember seeing those card packs everywhere but I’ve never actually saw the console. I thought that it was some type of board game that talks. Well I was too busy enjoying my 360 anyway.

I want to start a fundraiser to make a short film where it's just Alfred Molina as Doc Ock standing in front of a museum and using his tentacles to reach in and grab various art pieces to toss into the street. We can have a stretch goal for getting scenes of Tobey's Spider-Man catching the art and gently setting it down.

The loading times of that X-Men game is like trying to play L4D2 on bad HDD, waiting for a Campaign map to load

What could have saved Hyperscan would have been the cards. No seriously, if the cards could be used in a TCG like game, the cards could survive and maybe become a separate property. Yugioh and Magic the Gathering being the best examples.

imagine being the person who did buy all those packs of spiderman cards just to play all those levels of that terrible game. where are they now? what has this done to their lives?

I can’t help but love the intro to IWL, it’s so cheesy and dumb but it’s hilarious too and has personality.

17:15 What do you mean? That looks like a great Hyperscan game. Emphasis on the "Hyperscan".

In my opinion, the HyperScan should not be forgotten. It shows the opposite of what you should do, which is sometimes even more useful than knowing what you should actually do. It shows how to piss off and scam players by making the games require Lootboxes, and making the actual product cheaply and badly with no quality control.

So matel made the original lootboxes... jees now we can add "stealing ideas" to the list of EA fails.

HyperScan? More like HyperScam

The HyperScan scanner looks like a Lantern Corps logo.

Here’s what the USB port is for, just plug the hyperscan into your PC using a USB cable and execute order 66 just be aware of long load times

19:26 DON'T LOSE THIS CARD! Or suffer the consequence of having to replay the entire game over every playthrough like the old days.

“Mattel is a massive company and they could do no wrong right?” Clearly you haven’t seen what they did to Thomas the Tank Engine…

the quote "[insert company] is a massive company, and they could do no harm, right?" is always relevant

12:12 "You could spend hundreds of dollars on a single complete game." Well, as complete as it can be without _hacking the damned thing._ The rest of the HyperScan cards (and I honestly cannot believe I'm saying this) _never came out._ So if you want the _complete_ game, you've gotta basically _homebrew your HyperScan,_ or you'll never get the _actual full game._ *_That's just sad._*

Mattel to EA: Ahh, yes, yes my child

Well, at least the HyperScan makes for an excellent puppet. So much so, that the scanner even looks like a tongue.

I will say that the part with Spider-Man using his webs to stop the crumbling building is accurate, since Spidey's webs are strong af.

Imagine on-disc DLC being an actual feature.

Hyperscan: *needs cards to play games* EA: *also needs your card to play games* 🤔

21:25 original classical artwork isn't exactly being produced everyday, that said, that still sounds like some cheesy comic out of the 60's.

I like how the Ben 10 game was Ghostfreak’s, Ripjaws’, and the classic versions of Upgrade, Stinkfly, and Grey Matter’s only console game appearance

Actually, the HyperScan launched in October 2006 and was discontinued in December 2007. So it was actually a year and 2 months before being abandoned by Mattel. It's still a piece of garbage, though.

I remember the HyperScam in stores, and thinking, "that's the dumbest gimmick I've ever heard of."

The HyperScan: Proof that doing something first and doing something well don't necessarily go hand-in-hand. I'd have to say that Amiibo, which came after several other toys-to-life series, is probably the best TTL system because A. It's still going today and B. Games that use Amiibo rarely ever REQUIRE them for most things, but have them used to unlock cosmetics or other extra items.

Graphically, I've played flash games better than this thanks Mattel

So sad to see XLR8 being called a "blue black alien thing"

Lets make a very fragile console with exceptionally long loading times that relies on having easily lost cards in order to actually do anything and market it to children! You know, those things known for breaking and losing everything they get their filthy hands on and having no patience for anything! We're sure to make a fortune!

23:32 😂🤣😂the alien smacking the back of your head after you were already falling to your death.

The funny thing is, in that Ben 10 game, not getting the alien he wanted IS lore accurate. The Omnitrix, the device that gives Ben the power to transform into different aliens, had a tendency to give Ben the wrong alien whenever he transformed, forcing him to get creative

more like, HyperScam amirite? [laughtrack]

To be fair, you could've just started this video with "It's competitors were the PS3 and Xbox 360" And just ended it right there.

4:28 Now that sounds familiar. *flashbacks of the TV4 Four-way Video Game*

A major issue with this video is Shane seemed to ignore the instructions that came with the game and Hyperscan, telling one how to properly scan the cards. IE, that you hold the literal target on the cards over the center of the device. The system and games are already pieces of crap. You don't have to go out of your way to make it look worse.

The USB may have been intended for controllers, but they may have found USB introduces too much latency due to the weak-ass SoC that serves as CPU and I/O controller and thus added DIN controller ports accessible directly through GPIO, memory mapping, or similar. (Thus adding EVEN MORE INPUT LAG.) The long load times are undoubtedly due to slow I/O to the CPU, a shitty drive that can only do 1x, or both.

Mattel: makes hyperscan Intellivision: We can **yeet** this outta the window

8:45 Power is only what the machine CAN do. You still have to actually spend the money and effort to make it.

25:11 That alien is named XLR8 and his special ability is to run at extremely high speeds like how Sonic does. Just so you know.

You know, as I was watching you play the Ben 10 game, I had a thought. '...Wasn't this game intended for children?' And then I realized that none of the developers likely ever had that thought.

That bit with the "intellicards" there was just hilarious, I love how the glasses were upside down. XD

I do love your anger coming out at times with this device haha

So glad I never got one of these as a teen. Love the googly eyes add-on.

4:06 Two dead consoles. Remember when the AVGN couldn't get two Jaguar CDs to work?

I remember commercials for this POS treating it like it was the most epic 90's thing ever. Truth is, I'm SO glad I never owned one. Those commercials were as true as the R-Zone commercials. That is to say, they were lying through their rust-stained teeth.

I'll give em some credit; the Ben 10 game lines up with the cartoon a bit; sometimes Ben will try to turn into a specific alien only for the Omnitrix to glitch out and turn him into something inconvenient.

10:35 Yeah that was the dumb selling point that I saw right through the second I saw the commercial. I was NINE YEARS OLD!

19:04 See, you _CAN_ still have fun with a hyperscan! Btw, best use a Mattel Hyperscan will ever see.