For me it's more like, what do i care. I don't know these people, so let them have their miserable lifes. Because i WOULD say/do most of the things, i want to do on the internet, also in RL. Because i learned to stood up for me, for the most part. Because there is too much shit happening otherwise, people taking advantage of me and other stuff.
i had a 7th grade teacher who drilled “the internet is forever, and everyone has access to it” into us nearly every single day. he had posters on his walls reminding us that privacy online is in our hands. this was at least 11 years ago. i wish his students had taken him more seriously.
@@Geist1027 to be fair, it wasn’t part of the curriculum. but snapchat was gaining popularity and it was around the time when practically every student started having an iphone and constant access to social media. he wasn’t asked or encouraged to teach us about internet safety, and no other teacher taught it, either. he was just a very concerned english teacher.
"lmao i can just delete it though" 20 people have screenshotted it, 2000 people have reposted it, and no matter how much you delete, it wont just erase it from peoples minds.
The annoying consequence is that people feel like they’re entitled to know somebody’s business and get mad when they keep things private almost like thats fucking normal
For real ! So many internet arguments involve at least one "private account+no pfp, do you have something to hide ?" Or something along those lines. And like, no ? Since when do we need to show everyone everything about our lives not to be some kind of criminal ?
Facts dude, some people forget the most basic knowledge and have the most underdeveloped social skills to think we would need to know something that shoulda stayed in the drafts
@Gatekeeper_Edits I feel like maybe covid and just a lot of kids growing up online has impacted that knowledge, since social media is all about sharing things to strangers
I used to overshare online, and I can explain why. IRL, I’ve always found it very hard to open up to others and I never had many friends. I didn’t have anyone to confide in growing up as my parents weren’t there for me and didn’t care about me. I had to go online to get any sort of attention. I was invisible at home and in school, but online, there was a chance that someone could finally pay attention to me and listen to what I had to say. For the first time in my life, I felt like I had “friends” because I talked to people online when I had no one else. For me, the oversharing happened because I desperately wanted to show anyone all parts of me in the hopes that someone, anyone, would accept some or all the parts of me. TLDR: I overshared because I was deeply lonely and wanted literally anyone to talk to me and pay attention to me as I had no one IRL to talk to.
@@damnedifidonut my parents were also extremely religious and didn’t want me talking to anyone who wasn’t Christian. that definitely didn’t help my isolation
Same, I also used to over share online and I regret some of it but I appreciate those people whom I talk to online who helped me and comforted me since I don't have an access to a therapist because it is expensive here in my country and I don't want to bother my friends and family because they don't like it when someone is trauma dumping or venting to them and I do respect and understand that. But now, I stopped over sharing online and I just keep all the negative thoughts in myself and never tell anyone which makes me suicidal but it is more better than hurting or disturbing people.
people genuinely have gotten so unbelievably comfortable on the internet. not just with their thoughts, but just... in general. they'll tell you where they live, their full name, their age, everything.
Not to mention how many of them record themselves committing crimes... taking selfies with their victims... it's just. What is social media doing to people's brains? (Unless you count YT and MySpace (which I deleted once I went to college) I've never had social media... looks like madness to me.)
@@drakynoch that whole devious licks trend where people just recorded themselves stealing was INSANE. i actually recently quit all social media except for youtube and facebook
People’s name and addresses used to be public information and now that it’s a voluntary action it’s seen as different when people give it out I find that different history interesting
years ago on twitter someone tweeted "people come here and tell us things I wouldn't even tell God" and I think about this all this time. Oversharing is now so normalised because people want to be seen as "relatable".
I understand it, when it's anonym. It can be a freeing feeling, to let stuff out, which you can't tell anybode. But still want real people to know about it. But in person? With your name, photo and all shit? Like, what's the point, other than attentionseeking, wether it's good or bad xx.
Wanting to seem “relatable” isn’t the only reason someone would share aspects of their life on the internet. For some, they have nobody else to go to and sometimes sharing your experiences online can allow you to find others going through similar situations which can make you feel not so alone. People can give you advice on the internet when you have no one else around. Sharing experiences and telling stories can inspire others and spread new ideas. Getting things off your chest is also something sharing on the internet provides. Learning new things about other people and how they live can teach you a lot about our world and how different or similar your experiences may be to someone else’s. Not all of it is about trying to be relatable and not all of it is bad.
@@elijahsmall5873That's true and no one denies the benefits of finding a group online of like-minded people that you can confide in. But as the video stated, there's a balance and a way to convey these aspects of your life. No one needs to know every embarrassing detail about your life, strangers on the internet even less so.
It’s gotten to the point where you’re seen as “weird” or “creepy” if you DONT have social media. I told a girl I go to college with that I don’t have insta or TT, and she asked me “what do you have to hide?” nothing?? some of us just don’t feel the need to have public SM, it’s nothing personal or “creepy.”
I have seen a RU-vidr warn girls about men who don't post to social media. It's weird. Just because he doesn't post to social media doesn't mean he's a misogynistic creep. In fact, I'd say it makes him less likely to be a creep, since misogyny is ALL OVER SOCIAL MEDIA.
I've learned that the same principle of "Ignore the person who wants attention" is also a great way of dealing with bozo's who are tryna just cause problems for the sake if it. If someone come's rushing into a group chat spewing slurs or something, pretending they don't exist is the best way of pissing that guy off. Like, if someone want's to push your buttons, but they can't find them, then they are either gonna give up, or start working alot harder to find the buttons, usually leading to worse consequences.
this is neurologically true as well. studies have shown utterances, even if we mumble under our breath, as well as writing, get encoded and reinforced in the brain. the things you you bring out of your brain are the thoughts that get reinforced.
Meh, could just be a warning. Before the strike. Rattlesnakes do that all the time. 🤨 Oh, sh** is that why they have a flag that says don't tread on me?!?! 🤯 🙀 🤣 Try not to be surprised when you get mauled by the wild, hungry, big brown BEAR! 😍.
Reminds me of that tiktok where maternity ward nurses were "sharing their icks". I also remember the number of women who came forward after who said half their health anxiety came from the prospect of their healthcare provider having these thoughts but verbalising them just made it worse. If you don't like something, especially something about your job, you need to use your adult discretion and critical thinking when sharing them, because how are you gonna talk ill about your patients then be surprised when you inevitably get fired lol
I had a chiropractor who had a youtube channel. She had great resources, like stretches and exercises. But she posted a youtube short complaining about how her patients treated her like a therapist and would just overshare about their whole lives. Is it a valid complaint? Absolutely. But as her patient, but I started overthinking and getting really anxious and worried about it. Whenever I'd go to the appointment, I'd start obsessing like, "Is she thinking about it now? Did I say too much? Is this what she meant by oversharing?" The appointment after I saw that video was my last one with her.
@@xchrysantha First, I have to say something, because chiropractic's are not a valid medical treatment and some people have been permanently disabled due to it, so please, do not go to any chiropractor. It's placebo affect and some people have seriously lost their quality of life because the back and neck are stupid delicate and there is no certified medical training for people who do the practice. I'll never forget reading about a poor woman who became paralyzed due to it and was never herself again. If you're having back pain, go to a doctor and they can get you a specialist who will actually address the issue. And before someone gets on my back about how people wouldn't be allowed to sell something that can and often does hurt many many people, let me direct you to the fact that you can buy cigarettes. Cigarettes also were sold as a health aid before info flooded in about the reality. Second, if you're in a health care profession of any kind or health care adjacent, you NEVER say things like this about clients. You can talk to others in a field in a space to share it and unload, but you don't put it out in the open like that. It's not cool or okay.
@@vixxcelacea2778 Thank you so much for saying all of this. I originally went to her because I used to see another "chiropractor" YEARS ago, and she did wonders on me and relieved so much pain. BUT. It turned out she was actually a physical therapist and I got the two confused somehow. Or like, she did both? Anyway point is I got a proper physical therapy referral and saw a professional, and all my back and neck issues were properly supported and managed. Also another example of things people can sell even if they're harmful are vitamins. People assume that because it's for your "health," it HAS to be regulated; but in fact it's not AT ALL regulated by the FDA because it's not legally considered "medicine." Which is infuriating to me but also really scary. Anyway thank you very much for the PSA. I don't know enough about medicine to say definitively whether it's terrible, but I DEFINITELY would advocate seeing a physical therapist over a chiropractor. When you get your bones cracked, eventually they'll unalign again. But a physical therapist helps you build muscle around your bones so that they don't unalign at all.
In that job you've just got to learn not to be disgusted by them. Because while most of us might not want to deal with that on the daily, it is simply natural parts of the human body and birthing process that does not reflect anything about the person. And while you think you may be maintaining objectivity, you're probably associating those negative feelings, "icks", with the patient and that's not fair. A lot of people have become divorced from the idea of trying to improve themselves to be more fair to others. Even better than hiding that you find the women giving birth disgusting, how about they actually put an effort into normalizing these normal things so the patients who already fear judgement aren't actually being judged?
Yeah, its a lot better than the perfectly decorated "aesthetic" pastel-colored recording room. The slight mess adds to the "Lets be real for a second" mood.
Whenever you see a TikTok video of an emotional outburst of sort with a stationary camera, imagine the person spending 5-10 minutes to set up the camera and its framing before initiating the totally genuine emotional response. Imagine the breakup girl at the beginning, assuming she actually had a breakup and it wasn't entirely fictional, being broken up with, then continuing to be calm for like half an hour as she considers to film a TikTok video, sets up the camera and makes sure it's set up correctly, hits record and then and only then having the emotional breakdown seen in the video.
I am absolutely entranced by your filming set up. The Apple headphones that click every-time it moves, the dent in the wall, the floor screen held down by paint cans, the almost full view of your living room, the papers strewn everywhere, the red floor. I love it
As a millennial, we had it drilled into us that the internet is dangerous, that we should take it seriously, remain as anonymous as possible, etc. I think the youngesters didn’t get the same warnings, while also getting more and more ways to share things with the world. And now everyone is doing it, so it seems like it’s okay. We need to bring back privacy. Also, one of my favorite things to remind people online is: just because you have an opinion on something does not mean it is important or that it needs to be shared. A lot tend to cling to their “right to free speech” and “im just sharing my opinion” when they are being mean for no reason and like. Just cause you have an opinion does not mean you need to share it. Especially when it’s used as an excuse to hate on something or someone. Would you still share that opinion face to face when there’s a chance you might get punched and/or slapped? If not, maybe practice the same restraint on the internet as well.
As someone from gen z, i got internet safety classes! Lucky me! Also my dad who works on computers drilled it into my head. I keep being so befudulled by people sharing their ages and irl names on Discord and stuff. How can they share that?? That's pretty dangerous man.
Yeah, I hate the overemphasis on "cringiness" on the internet because the result is people who would rather starve themselves than have any sort of nonconformity associated with themselves for even a second
For me, it's pretty clear - would I say it on live television? Would I say it in front of a crowd? If the answer is no to either of those questions, it's too much to share publicly. You should probably share it with your friends. If it's something like "I really like dragons" or "I had a bad day AND here's some advice or support for everyone else", that's constructive, able to benefit others and probably worth sharing. A lot of the time, it comes down to purpose. I barely talk about myself online, I almost exclusively express opinions, because I want to provide another perspective for people to make a judgement with. Or, I'll talk about specific personal matters for moral support to others, such as in the comments of a RU-vid video about a topic I've been affected by. Usually, people appreciate it when a message is meant for them, if you're sharing with the clear intention of involving others. Asking for advice and help is also fine, as once again, you're looking for something that you know internet strangers are able to do (often still best to first ask those around you). Otherwise, if you're sharing because it helps you put things into words and process things (which is good and healthy), keep it in a journal or in messages/discussions with a friend or family member. That's the kind of vulnerability which strangers online aren't really entitled to. If a wider audience doesn't feel like they have anything to do with the situation, they might react negatively. In the case of the breakup TikTok in this video, the video is supposed to provoke an intense negative reaction and make its audience feel bad, without providing anything helpful in return (no advice, no asking for advice, no engagement with the viewers, etc.). It's just a spectacle for viewers to see and feel bad for her, more like gazing through a stranger's bedroom window, which people don't enjoy. So it feels very private. If she had then followed it up with "I react physically to extreme emotion, here are some ways to healthily deal with emotions" that'd help a bit. It's giving a demonstration of a problem and then solving it, rather than just dumping something bad for everyone to see with no clear purpose. Anyway, if anyone else sees this, feel free to add your own opinions on the topic, these are just my two cents (or twenty cents with how long this became). At the end of the day, you'll find accepting people everywhere, you don't need to please everyone with what you share online, just be safe and mindful of the fact that hypothetically, everyone in the world could see it. If they did, would you be okay with that?
Yeahh, and from time to time I feel pressured to share more, especially on social media. Since everyone else is doing it, why wouldn't I? Then I start to think about the consequences and I regret really quickly 👍
@@nicjoy4407 fun teacher has class outside usually = chill person that actually enjoys educating others. This guy really wants people to retain what hes teaching em
that last part of "refusing to give things you don't like attention" is something I've been doing for a while now. has probably saved me countless hours of pointless argument and stress.
@@imaraoctavia He is finally garnering the attention he deserves. The internet needs to know more of these people, I dont know how much of David Achu or his knowledge is present in others (or ones who are willing or needed to share this topic)
I used to use social media a lot, but I haven’t in 6 years. I feel a lot healthier and happier. I no longer feel the need to perform constantly. It was like a heavy weight I had to constantly carry around, lowering my quality of life.
That’s so true. In my case sometimes I would get questioned by my own mom because I said I didn’t have any friends at school. The way I see it is like this, they are acquaintances, and though we share some hours of the day and partner up to work, the reality is that they aren’t close enough to feel as if we care or know each other on a personal level. Sure they can be cool and all, but they didn’t really feel like friends. I’ve got people that share and hang out with me a lot more in various situations, and we share an actual connection that lasts for much longer. She still got surprised when I told her that I didn’t talk anymore to any of my classmates or that they didn’t even say anything after we made some souvenirs for ending high school. Like- I told you, they ain’t my friends 💀 So yes, it's important to know the difference but people do be pushing that closeness a little too much like it is compulsive, so that confuses you too 🤨 The line gets blurry
@@lechuga9153 I feel like the issue was you apparently graduated high school without upping any of these acquaintances to friends. That is supposed to happen. You're supposed to ask these people if they want to hang out after school or if you live in the middle of no where like me if they want to play online video games together.
And if they get trolled over something they whinge about how awful it is and messing with their mental health but they never put the phone down and spend 16 hours a day reading the comments. Just stop.
I don't think it's just terminally online people. Some people just have a different outlook in life and sometimes end up being TOO friendly because they've never had to experience being defensive about personal details. I envy these kind of people cause they're just so nice, but you know they're vulnerable and probably have been taken advantage of without being aware about it.
This also applies to customers who randomly trauma-dump on service workers. Some people will share horrifying details with no restraint. And because you're working you can't avoid those people
oh my God the amount of weird inappropriate things people have told me about their exes or extremely traumatizing events is actually nauseating. especially bc I knew I didn't look my age then. why is your grown ass talking about that to someone you assume is 16!!!
God this annoys me so so much. I could write a novel on how much this irritates me. Like, I do not want to have a conversation with you!!! I am working and, as it is dictated by proper customer service, I cannot tell you to stfu and leave me alone! You are trapping me in a conversation and if I had nothing to do, i’d much rather go sit down and watch the clock or something. Customers that know what they want, order quickly and don’t try to chat me up? I could kiss them on the lips. It is incredibly irritating having someone try small talk when you’re going off 4 hours of sleep and your feet are making you feel like you’re the original little mermaid.
Yes! I worked in a regular plant nursery, and still couldn’t avoid people who wanted to trauma dump. Ma’am I’m only qualified to tell you watering instructions 😭
The trauma dumping doesn't bother me anymore, I view it as making someone feel heard. I've helped customers who had cancer, miscarriages, survivors of abuse(SA), and the homeless. You never know what someone's been through and your small interaction could make a huge difference.
It wasn't trauma dumping but that regular when I worked at family dollar who insisted on starting a rant about transgender people using bathrooms whenever there wasn't someone in line behind him. 1. Sir. I am a cashier. You are a customer. You have a position of power over me. I cannot express my thoughts to you less you report me to corporate for disagreeing with you. 2. We have one single occupant bathroom in this store.
Don't expose yourself to jerks. Don't be a jerk. Don't isolate. Break away and call someone. See people. See yourself. Maybe for the first time in awhile. This is why I find nature, in its wild form, so soothing.
Its hard to not overshare when you can’t tell what is oversharing and what isn’t, and don’t immediately realize that you have made everyone in the room uncomfortable and now they want to stay 500 feet away from you at all times
@@MidnightEkakirelate. Nothing discomforts me. Once someone offered me coffee and I said no thanks it makes me poop and they started laughing and I didn't understand why. Because i was serious.
One of the scary things about over sharing is that there’s people who can figure out where you are from just seeing what’s outside your window and knowing what state you live in. People forget the safety they need to take when sharing personal information.
nah fr, people can say that thats some schizo shit but in reality if someone cared enough and you posted videos online making it very clear what your surroundings look like and maybe even mention what state ur in, there would be close to nothing stopping said person from do what they want with that info
Data brokers make me hesitate about pursuing content creation they're so scary to me. I don't know if people online either don't know this, are aware and just go forward making vids anyway, or have found a way to get rid of their private info online that I can't find myself. The only solution I find is to just reveal as little about yourself as possible
Another thing I noticed is that people do not understand that they NEED to be private on social media for safety. I've seen countless videos of people doing something like a day in the life and they 1. Give the name of their college/school 2. Say that they live on campus/commute/how long their commute is 3. Say what time they have class and what day they have class No one would not tell this I formation to a stranger, why tell it to the whole internet? People need to be more cautious about sharing things on the internet for their own safety aswell. It's nice to connect with others but there is a safer way to do so.
actually most people would give up this information to a stranger without a second thought if the lead-up conversation were structured correctly. still a bad idea, but it's definitely not the internet's fault that some people didn't teach their kids how to stay safe in life.
Honestly, I was an oversharer when I was younger, around 16-17. Putting my face on Insta, getting into beef with people I hardly knew online. It was stupid of me, and I regret every part of it. Now that I'm 18 and look back on myself, I messed up, I'll take responsibility if I'm presented with it, but I'm not going to go out of my way to make myself known so people can get dirt on me. I have practically deleted everything that has involved pics of myself, and drama I've had or been in. I have learned a lot in the past year or so between right and wrong.
The last part where he mentions that refusing to give them attention and blocking them needs to be said SO MUCH LOUDER. It's an unwritten rule of Tumblr that if someone's causing trouble to NOT GIVE THEM ATTENTION. Just politely block, or even report them if you feel like they may be breaking ToS. I've applied this advice to all websites I have an account on, and it's been great. Algorithms may exist, but you truly do curate your own experience.
@@queenie.mp3 Yeah, and it's so crazy cause like.. you don't owe them an explanation for blocking them?? The block button isn't just for more serious matters, you can block for any reason. There's really nothing personal about it. And it's even crazier knowing Twitter has the addition of a MUTE BUTTON. Tumblr only has a block button!
Bluesky too. The people on there have dreams of a second Twitter and part of that dream is not letting utter weirdos gain traction through quote posts.
@@frenchiesottises8193the issue tends to be block chains. Sometimes you don’t even interact with someone and suddenly you can’t see their profile. With concerns over echo chamber and predatory algorithms, it makes it look more like you can’t handle criticism rather than preference.
The fact that you can make videos more entertaining than most big content creators with just your personality, no flashy effects shows how much editing they do to make their stuff "interesting"
Not just effects and editting, there are also mannerism, flow, and how he delivers the content with good engaging body language, or something like that
I used to over share because people online seemed to be more likely to relate to my struggles than in real life. I feel like the internet has gotten meaner, and real-life has definitely gotten easier for me, so i don't do that anymore.
13:32 Reminds me of the way people will feel completely justified in being as cruel to strangers as their creativity allows provided they’re winning an argument or correcting someone. Like you’ll go “hey that was really unnecessarily rude” and they’ll go “am I _wrong_ though?” As if being correct is only thing we should care about. Everyone’s just itching to nastily condescend anyone with the gall to know less about a topic than they do The BIGGEST flaw I see us consistently ignore is how we instinctually moralize intelligence. Like when a bigot’s public meltdown goes viral, it’s second nature to start attacking their intelligence and calling them dumb rather than condemning the intelligence-agnostic values that can lead anyone to bigoted views provided they have enough hate in their hearts. You don’t have to be smart to be a good person. And being smart gives you a lot of power to be a complete asshole that people do not wield responsibly
The worst type of person is a person who only cares about intelligence and facts and will stop at nothing to prove that they are right, trampling over everyone in the process, even if they are, in the end.
It goes beyond objective facts or knowledge. Interpersonal relationships can just get plain messy due to miscommunications or simply having a fumbled interaction with someone else or viewing them through a less than gracious lens. Having the basic decency to approach them with patience and proper conflict resolution methods so things are clarified, wounds are healed, and everything gets settled is so crucial in maintaining relationships of all stripes. But internet brain rot has flat out poisoned a lot of people to the point of just searching for the "epic own" and now slights of all kinds (real or perceived) MUST be met with immediate and maximum hostility. Even the most close and trusted people in your life are going to fumble stuff and it is necessary to accept that and learn how to resolve it as if you cherish the relationship enough to care about doing it right rather than performing for an imagined audience on how well you protected your honor in the form of some grand witty take down speech.
I was definitely this way when I was younger. Made it into the honors college of a really good school, majored in physics and never felt like I was out of my depth. Never had any social issues, played baseball and basketball in high school. I was insufferable my first year of college. I thought being the smartest was the only thing that mattered. Went and worked at a fast food place one summer, and got humbled by how differently intelligent people were working there. Not the managers, they sucked lmao, but the other workers. After that I started looking at things a little differently, and I think, because a much better person.
Its become so normalized that when i was hired for my very first job the other employees thought i was a weirdo for not having social media. I have it, its just very privatr. It doesnt have my government name, my address or school/ uni i went to.
yo the way u called out a girl from one of my psych classes bc in our first lesson ice breaker activity she brought up her dead dad and then the room went silent and the lecturer was like ”that‘s heavy…moving on..“ 😭🙈 tbf when someone else said their condolences she was like ”you don‘t even know me“ so like ye and that’s when the room went silent and so on… 💀
unrelated but u being 20 just rocked my world bc i‘m 20 with a third of the amount of facial hair and a fifth of your charismatic personality 🥹🥲🌚 i wanna be like u when i grow up…but my genetics eish💀😗🤘
I used to be like that as a teenager but without telling people off for saying their condolences. I was at a bad place and I felt no one cared about me and I tried so hard to show the world how bad I am but I made everyone uncomfortable bc these people barely knew me. It was a call for help but looking bad it's really cringe. I should've gone to therapy.
And the thing is, this issue extends outside the internet. I remember getting chewed out by someone online because I said that I don’t feel comfortable with strangers trauma dumping on me in public spaces such as the market, a club, etc. I was told that I lack empathy for not wanting to hear someone talk about heavy issues that I wasn’t equipped to handle.
That seems like the total opposite of lacking empathy; if you aren't empathetic you wouldn't really care if someone forced a lot of difficult emotions on you because you wouldn't end up experiencing them yourself. What would be more indicative of lacking empathy would be forcing people to experience your trauma narrative without consent or consideration for how it would affect them.... projection sure is something!
@@birdenthusiast5421 Empathy is pretty much just a buzzword now that means "being what I personally deem to be a good person." Doesn't help that half the time when people say empathy, they're actually talking about _compassion_
@@birdenthusiast5421 empathy just means you feel others feelings. when you have trauma triggers and you just trauma dump on someone, it isnt on purpose and the person doing it doesnt inherently lack empathy. it is a trauma response. this take lacks compassion imo and it makes me sad when people talk so poorly of others who are struggling.
I had to stop using Tik Tok because of the same reasonings but different insults and I genuinely wasn't saying anything to provoke anyone so I went through this I don't even know what you would call it I was very mentally distressed for a couple of days and I was convincing myself that I was doing what 50 to 80 people online were telling me I were doing which was being an awful person but they were just telling me to you know kick the bucket and Instagram because under a male feminists I followed I was getting very illegal DMS and threats by multiple different men you can probably imagine what it was about why is the internet becoming like this it's starting to rub off on how people act in the real world(sorry if theres no spaces i feel like typing😅)
Man, this video shoukd be required watching in every grade between 7th and 12th. By the time these kids graduate, they will fully understand how to jeep their private lives private! This would greatly benefit society.
As a 22 year old, when I heard the words "20-year old", I had to pause and take a look at my hands to confirm my very life essence wasn't drained by the second.
I hate that people rope their kids into it too, especially if they're barely old enough to read. I've actually seen posts where people put their kids' faces, full government name, school, clubs, teacher, age and grade level on the internet and give out way too much personal info about them from medical history to stuff you'd think they'd keep to themselves because it sounds like something their kids might've told them in full confidence.. That's not just unnecessary and uncomfortable, it's dangerous.
I remember how some mom had a family vlog channel dedicated to her kids, but found out the statistics of her channel had older people watching it. She turned off all of the video download options, and the entirety of that demographic disappeared, so she had to delete her channel after that. These channels and those behaviours is what giving criminals (not the cool kind) free reign around their kids without ever meeting them.
I view finding someone's social media as meeting them in person for the first time, like you'd expect "Hi nice to meet you, I'm in college, etc" but you wouldn't expect someone random to walk up to you and say "omg I'm crying about my toxic relationship and here's an embarrassing story from 5th grade!!"
Remember when people were afraid to let their kids use the internet? Like when the Wizard 101 ads said "Ask your parents before going online." Can we go back to that?
4:08 if it was his Instagram account I'd be happy for him. He has conquered that part of the male brain always whispering to us that you're not allowed to like girly things and need to present only the most badass version of yourself at all times. It takes a lot of courage to reject societal pressures like that and I respect the hell out of it.
People who say prejudiced and repulsive remarks online should watch this video. The average person really doesn’t want to hear about how much you hate a certain group of people solely for how they were born, and neither will they want to hear your inappropriate thoughts in graphic detail
@FredCarpenter-pb6bd ... you think there can be a legitimate reason for hating people for things they were born with? Because that was the example given in the comment.
This is such a perfect video about online etiquette. On the one hand, I want to have empathy for those who overshare online because maybe they just don't have a reliable way of doing so irl. But at the same time, if you choose to overshare online, like you said, please read the room. Know which online communities are a safe space for you to do so without trauma dumping on strangers who can't/won't help. Thank you for making this!
While it changes from place to place because every internet site has different social rules, I really feel like we are losing how to socialize at all and people just blurt out whatever they want to say.
my worst experience with people seeing my stuff on social media was definitely with my family, pulled up my youtube channel and watched my entire catalog of videos while i just sat there suffering emotionally, i had to leave and just sit in the kitchen with my thoughts for the entire time. taught me to be careful with what i put out there on the internet. will never do that ever again
this is the most correct reason to leave social media.. it being toxic is one thing, but realistically speaking there is nothing normal about sharing your life/thoughts to the public.. the crazy part is that social media has invented this concept of going behind someone's back in the open, it's like how do you even do that when you're backstabbing someone right infront of them?
Very eloquently said! You’re absolutely right. I once wrote something similar about social media: “laughing behind your back but making sure you know about it”. What a strange time to be alive.
@@samf.s.7731 fair.. we all like to talk about it, but we are all guilty of it sometimes.. but i think acknowledging is the first step, because it gives us the self-awareness to prevent ourselves from posting things that did not need to be posted
I think this kind of parasocial relationship, the "illusion of closeness" as you put it, is way more common going from a fan to a creator than the other way around. It's difficult to get attached to millions of comments, even if you see lots of comments every day. You can get attached and feel close to people from the comments, sure, but the whole comment section? This might be overly pessimistic, but when a massive creator decides to be open I'm always extremely skeptical that it's a trick so their fans _think_ they have a close relationship with them. This way you'll become a more loyal fan, more willing to buy whatever it is they sell
It absolutely goes the other way, just not to any one individual. Creators feed off the love and adoration from their fans as a collective, and do what they do to get more of it. A lot of oversharing is awarded with laughs, attention, love, etc. so creators are encouraged to continually overshare to recieve more of that positive attention. Its still parasocial bc the creator doesn't know their fans individually, theyre all or mostly strangers. Id say its pretty rare that anyone goes out of their way to deliberately intensify parasocial relationships; most of the time, thats even heavily discouraged by the creator. Its just that parasocial relationships are inherent to online influence. Being a fan is inherently a one-sided relationship, no matter the intensity.
A few months ago here in Brazil, a girl posted a video on TikTok talking bad about her boss, then the next day she was fired. And the funny thing was that she didn't understand the reason for the dismissal. 🤷🏻♀️
well, LEGALY it's weird, yes - a person should have an autonomy off their job, people higher then her shouldn't be able to police her thoughts and words about her job I understand the boss was upset and didn't want to work with her further, but yeah, kinda illegal and weird
@@PlayerTenji95 So if that person went up to the boss and started blasting him, cursing him out, they shouldn't be fired? The only difference between my example and the op's is that in one, the venter can't see the boss.
It’s because of loneliness. My theory is that a lot of the people who post stuff like that on the internet don’t have enough genuine friends they feel like they can express themselves truthfully too, and even get attention from. Friends are also physical extensions of society in our life. Being around people teaches us what is some level of shameful vs what isn’t. Friends help stop us from doing bs, which isn’t even necessary when you can express yourself to those friends. We’re a lonely, friendless generation, where you can get more attention for making videos about not having friends compared to the attention you could get from just having friends to pay attention to you. (And don’t even get me started on how ppl *do* have friends, but like I alluded to earlier…they ain’t shit) But trying to connect with human beings over trying to connect with the entire internet is better for us long term. People are even trying to push the facade that it’s ok to be a “lone wolf” when every smart person with a doctorate or whatever literally ALL say that we NEED COMMUNITY. (Chile don’t even get me started on this too 😭) I would love to see you tackle this nuance in a video! I bet you’ll have as a comedic take on it like you did in this one. Congratulations on having this video blew up. Also, yeah the joke you told your friend didn’t fly for me either lol I was not expecting you to say anything after “alright so tell me..” She probably was ready to explain herself then got caught off guard.
I was going to make a similar comment. In all honesty I have compassion for people who overshare and I try not to judge how people choose to express themselves. Now I have laughed at my fair share of “you need to get a diary” tweets but there is a reason why people feel the need to confess their deepest darkest secrets on the internet. People just want to feel seen and accepted even at their lowest. They want to be able to bare it all and have people be witnesses. But I do agree with the fact that it is an illusion. Being that I kinda was one of those people(before deleting my twitter account), I find that no one actually cares. People don’t remember most of the things they see on the internet and they will definitely judge you but they will not actually remember whatever confession you made. Which prompts people to overshare again and again because they just want attention. It’s really just a trap. Honestly it is just a reflection of the state of connection and community in modern society.
as someone who grew up being told that it’s healthy to express your thoughts and you should always be honest, i interpret that as telling everyone everything all the time. everyone tells me that’s not correct, but it’s still how it feels. i want to be able to share alot because i want other ppl to share a lot too
i agree about needing to have inside thoughts but another thing that is irritating is the way people talk to others on the internet like they can just say whatever they want. But sometimes especially if the person in question has a lot of popularity when they reply to their comments they suddenly get apologetic and embarassed because they realised that the person is a human being who can see everything people say to them. Its pretty funny when it happens though.
The shock value thing is so true. And the sad part is, things done for shock value aren't sustainable. It's hard to maintain relevance long enough to see enough fame to get that kind of money, but in this day and age, things fall off so easily. And that just leads to a cycle of doing something ridiculous, getting your 15 minutes, declining and then doing something ridiculous again. You're forced to continue doing things for shock value since that becomes your brand.
people openly talking bout sum “bring bullying back” .. baby bullying never left you have just never been affected negatively or your apathy IS the negative effect
@@ItsJae_37 Because they want to enforce the mechanism of social shame to make themselves more comfortable without being subject to it themselves by just being a bully "first". It's social maneuvering.
In the early 00s/forum days we used to say "don't feed the trolls" or very specific to one forum, "there's a cancel button if you don't want toast." The nice thing about forums was their slowness to posting, so instead of having the impulse to tweet out your bowel problems, you had a barrier of time giving you the extra space to have a second thought of "wait this is stupid I shouldn't say this," or would lead to people giving and taking in more nuanced opinions that had time put into them. Granted dumb shit happened all the time I'm not gonna act like it was perfect, but was heaven compared to social media where it takes half a second to blurt out a kneejerk response to someone liking a piece of harmless media. Maybe we all need to bring diaries back.
What's crazy is that most self-help stuff in print and online does suggest private journaling of some form to help process emotions. Not sharing it online
@@CrystalRose1111 I can't really blame them when they've essentially been tricked into using platforms that trick them into staying on them and engaging non-stop. I still think about that tweet that was like "hmmm how come everyone on here has ADHD on the infinite dopamine slot machine website"
@@CrystalRose1111some people just don't know how to deal with ressentment online, they will see some who talking shit on the internet and instead of realizing it's obviously a ragebaiting troll they will gladly bite it lol
i think the problem i have with this is that everyone has different boundaries. in person, you either know the person or can gauge how they're feeling about the conversation. there's none of that online. i don't think it's right to argue that someone shouldn't share certain details because some people are uncomfortable with it... those people don't have to interact with the person who posted it. but people who posted should know they're not only going to receive a certain type of feedback. i see a lot of people in the comments talking about the safety issues of oversharing, which is valid, but irrelevant in this comment section since this video doesn't talk about it at all.
Being on the internet had definitely destroyed my perception of privacy. I often vented publicly on Reddit about my interpersonal issues and now having gotten over that part of my life, I can say that was not healthy of me. I was so desperate for validation from online about my own decisions that I forgot the ability to cope properly. The way that we are almost teaching ourselves to over share personal details is really concerning.
@@Sadakorka While I agree that bottling up emotions isn’t healthy, what I am trying to say is that my previous outlet was not healthy in itself. There’s a lot more healthier methods to release emotions than publicly venting online. What goes online stays online and one day, you might not want such personal or even embarrassing parts of your life to be out publicly anymore. Unless if I am completely misreading the intentions of your comment, then forgive me 😭
tbh if you did this exact video, but in Ludwig style content, I would have skipped halfway through the video. The changing scenery really helps keep me engaged. gg
That segment near the end about how you can basically get away with saying anything if everyone has already decided the thing you're talking about is bad is completely true, and I absolutely hate it, I believe in showing respect to anyone regardless of how much they are hated, because I'd want that same respect shown to me, and I've been on the receiving end of people meat riding eachother hating on me for something I did, and it sucks, so please for y'all reading this, be respectful
It’s actually not a bad idea I was having a hard time that month but joining a contemporary dance in school help me feel good and express myself(also, thanks to my adrenaline).
I know a lotta people, especially on the spectrum, struggle with social context clues and 'reading the room'. In my experience, just straight-up asking, like David mentions himself doing in the story at 7:16 is a really good baseline script to go with. Just something really neutral like, "Do you wanna talk about it?" and then respect their wishes either way. And for NT allies, it's very, very helpful, to say exactly what you want the person you're talking to do in response to your discomfort. For example, "No, I'm not feeling great, I got some bad news recently. I'd like to talk about it today, if that's okay?" Or, "I got some bad news, and I'm trying to take my mind off it, let's focus on the funny stuff today." Or "I promise I love hanging out with you, but I'm not feeling great, so I want to go home early today." Also research the difference between "Ask Culture and Guess Culture" if yall didn't already know - having the words to explain this dynamic is very helpful!
Oh my gosh!! I just looked this up and it’s fascinating!! Really explains why I’ve struggled to communicate with some people. Thanks for bringing it up!
yes but no, not everyone who is diagnosed with being on the spectrum is automatically a bad communicator either. I get the intention, and that may have been a connotation that was implied on your part, but also consider people are more than just their Autism, or their gender, or their race, et cetera.
@@an_impasse I know. That's why my original post does NOT say 'a lotta people, and everyone on the spectrum,' cuz that would be factually inaccurate, obviously. Any generalization WILL have exceptions. Yet the generalizations still contain some useful truth.
I feel like the art of just writing your thoughts down or even thinking things through has become lost, and people use social media as a consequence of that, to fill a void, and to share the things one is never meant to share, out of self preservation
A big part of why so many ppl pour their hearts out on the internet is... Because others are doing it. Kids grow up thinking it's OK to do it, because nobody scrubbed the bad examples off the internet, like we do on the street IRL
I feel this way about politics, religion and my sex life...if we are not close friends or you're not my doctor, don't ask because I'm going to tell you I'm not willing to have that conversation with you. We could even agree 100% but you will never know because I'm not talking about it. Those things are highly personal.
Dunno, the advice "just ignore them" may be okay when dealing with someone throwing a tantrum online, but I don't think it works with everything. For example, imagine a creator saying something fashy in one their videos. If everyone who finds it wrong just goes away without any reaction there's a good chance that in time their channel becomes an echo chamber for those who are fine with this stuff. And, obviously, not everyone has energy to confront something like that, but it also can't be just ignored. The same goes with someone spreading misinformation or, say, suggesting something about some group of people (or just "asking questions"). You can't tell members of that particular group that is targeted to just ignore it, since it can lead to direct harm to them.
I'm still glad to this day that my edgy 14 year-old dumbass wasn't commenting on any videos cuz then I'd truly be fucked... I genuinely cannot fathom explaining to my employer as to why I used to think that being homophobic and misogynistic made me a 'sigma' 💀🙏
