hi! im gonna be doing playlists, sped up audios, possibly slowed audios, and more! if you have a playlist request or a song request please let me know! here are some things about me! name: madi main language: english my main pookies: hals additional information : snap: weepybabe roblox: mmmspines discord: p1nk_gut.zz spotify: open.spotify.com/user/31aadwtmydbgzszcw5m5cq3ml2da?si=HI4JzbG3TcWOt-6TrT8Fzg
what’s the point of being yourself when nobody accepts u for u
Im turing 18 next year, and honestly I dont know what am I going to do..With my grades, with my life... I don't like my friends anymore, and school is honestly draining. Im indulging in shit habits, smoking, drinking to make everything better but i just feel even more pathetic. I hate my body but i binge and due to the stress of school work i quit the one thing that kept me in good shape. Every inconvenience my first thought goes directly to killing myself, but then I think about my mom and brother and start sobbing. I dont know what to do anymore. Ps. Trauma dump as i dont want to tell anyone that actually knows me in real life.
Honestly… I have never felt so alone, the only lemons life gave me were rot and now.. nobody wants to share their lemons with me, forcing me to eat what the maggots feasted on..
eu so quero q esse ano passe logo e ao mesmo tempo q nn, pq eu me mudei e to no ultimo ano do colegial, ent epoca de fazer novos contato, q n consigo fazer, e vestibular, q n sei ter constancia no estudo. No final so me sinto um lixo por n conseguir fazer nd direito
iwish I could’ve tried harder ive realised that nobody in this world has enough energy to deal with mealways always i think i found an actual friend that cares about me and gives the same amount they get and i manufacture times to not be clingy i am always always left behind like some fuckingdoorstep I’m tired am so tired i want to close my eyes and rot
I know the feeling, honey, but it's going to be all right. once you have room to grow on your own in the world you move to, you'll meet the people worth your time and flourish like a newfound rose, beautiful, but with thorns of reminders. you're doing great so far, just keep going, you're closer than you think to finding where you need to be in life.
I remember the summer when i lost every person ive ever loved 3 years have passed and still hear their laughs in my head i wish that theyve stayed and didnt choose to leave me now im feeling lonely cant make a good relation with anyone else they were all that i needed i still remember how fast we got along and how many days we spent together but in the end it didnt matter to them i still want more of it but i cant have it. hope they are doing good .
For a while (apr 2024) ive felt kinda hollow and empty or thats like the only way i can discribe it. So in 2nd grade i made a friend, marlee. Her mom never liked me or my sister bc our parents are poor and not Christian. Last summer marlee couldnt talk to us so i became like lowkey depressed? Also i had just hit puberty that summer so yk. When i came back to school (4th grade) there was another school that came to mine. So all three of us met a few kids (lisa and ben i still talk to lisa shes my only friend rn. Ben was weird asf and lowkey a pervert) we became friends but we were in different classes so we saw each other at recess and lunch. But anyways im yapping. I got homeschooled in January i had a sleepover with all those kids besides from marlee. After the sleepover i ghosted everyone. I got kinda depressed after that like my emotions depend on everyone else around me so if im alone idk what to do with myself and i wanna d1e. So now its summer break and i started talking to lisa again and im going to her house next weekend !!! But apart of me still hates myself. Ive SH'd n shit. Im always alone now and idk what to do with myself. I js wanna be loved. Even tho im 10 i feel so much and ppl older than me say "youve never felt this way ur a kid" im a kid yes, that has nothing to do with my mental health. I feel weird being a lesbian (i hate men im scared of them. After hearing abt whats happening in congo n shit i dont want a man touching me i dont want a man to talk to me) and idk like my gender/pronouns like i dont feel like a girl or a boy im js me. I despise when ppl call me she/her so umm yeah 😭😭 anyways i hope yall have a good day :)
everytime i think i'll be okay, something drags me back down to that pit i've tried to escape for so long, and everytime it gets harder to crawl back out. i'm getting closer to the point where i get dragged back in and don't put up a fight, maybe never even come out.
tw: ed i‘ve just had the worst relapse since getting sick in the first place, i see no point in life anymore my only goal is to lose weight, doesn’t matter if it kills me or whatever. before, i was always scared this illness would take my life but i simply don’t care anymore, i don’t think i could ever recover anyway so whats there to lose? im so sorry for my mom having to witness me completely ruining myself, i can’t imagine how she must feel. i also think about my girlfriend a lot and what she’d do if i died but i am 100% sure I don’t want to/ can’t recover, which might sound brutal but thats literally what it is. kinda out of place now but i am so scared of being admitted again its hell and i know they want to keep me alive but im over everything, and i keep telling them that but they just don’t understand. they’ll say something like „think about what you’re missing out on, what your life could look like blablabla“ okay but i literally wanna die so..?
I can't take it any longer. My sister so much toxic tbh. In 2022 up until now I can't live a moment of peace because of her. The things she did to me is extreme and inhumane. I feel like now the 2022 phase is coming back again. My body,my face, my existence everything is a disappointment. Ik my mom hates me and thinks of em as a burden but she can't day it on my fa e because I'm a part of her. Her daughter. Her blood. Yet my sister and my mother son leave a chance to make me feel like killing myself. The things they say makes me want to kill myself. I won't do it kfc but my mental health is getting ruined because of them. They're the reason for my academic status and mental health. Yet they blame me for it. I would never raise my own daughter like the way they do. I just ish I could go far away from here. Ik they want the "best" for me and that their intentions are "good" but this is not a way to show protectivness or love. It is inhumane. Their verbal and physical abuse is inhumane
Summer break had just started, and yet here I am, sitting by myself all alone because my siblings are with their friends. I don't live with my parents because they made a mistake that they can never change. My grandparents are at work all night and all day. So im here, all alone in the house and trying to make myself happy for what I do... but I can't because every time I remind myself of what I had done that was good, it drifts back off to all the bads things that I've done, said or what bad things were done to me. I can't handle being alone. In a few weeks, I'll be having anger management therapy and therapy for my depression and anxiety. My grandmother is there for me and says she understands how I feel, but she really doesn't... I can tell she's trying her best.
I just feel.... overwhelmed and tired. My mental health is at rock bottom. I can never forget how it all started in the first place. I've had mentally and physically abusive parents (who were dealing with a lot).. failed at love so many times, been cheated on and when I thought things couldn't get better, my bestfriend of 8 years left me..., Hell, I'm just 18 now... Still hopeful that someday I'll find peace with others and myself...
The titles of the songs and the order their in make it look like someone fell in love but the girl didnt love them back/fell out of love, then they had to watch her go to someone else, and in the end they were left all alone.
hey madi ♥I started watching your channel since last summer, because I just loved your playlists so much. You got me into operation true love through your playlists which I got OBSESSED with by the way (I commented "WHO IS THIS FINE MANNN" on one of ur playlists 💀). I am very grateful to you for that because it gave me a lot of good memories and it makes me sad to know that you're not doing well mental health wise. I know that we don't know each other, we're just strangers on the internet, but... I hope that you know that you are so cared for and I really hope that things get better for you. :) You deserve peace. I was fr about to cry and then stumbled on this video, and just remembered that.. hey, im not the only one in this world going through stuff. I hope you know that too, and anyone who is struggling too- YOU ARE NOT ALONE. ive been feeling honestly soooooooooo fkn lonely, just so lonely lonely lonely and like my life is so empty and meaningless and like i just feel depressed and like my life is empty, and i have a lot of things that im so grateful for but... i feel so anxious, tired, helpless. simply helpless and tired. but I know that one day, we both will not relate to these feelings that we feel now. you can do it!!!!! we can do it. <3 just venting haha.
I'm 18 and I think I have ADHD. I am very scared to go to a therapist because I worry that I am just pretending or misunderstand the symptoms. I've been studying ADHD for more than three months and I'm pretty sure I have all the problems and symptoms, but the very possibility that I might be wrong is just killing me. I've tried different ways to be productive for neurodivergent people, but nothing helps me. Life hacks for neurotypical people and even more so. I can't bring myself to work if it's not the last day of the deadline. I can no longer work all night without consequences. All those "charms" of ADHD like hyperfocus quickly leave me. I feel like I'm burning out, but I'm afraid to be wrong even in this. I want to cry out of helplessness. My life is perfect. Parents are perfect. The only thing that poisons my life is me. I do not know how I managed to dissuade myself from suicide 5 years ago. I try to be positive, but I just can't. I can't squeeze out tears because I've been suppressing them for so long that I've forgotten how to cry at all. Once a month or two, and I can burst into tears because of how terrible a student I am and how poorly I handle everything. It feels like no one understands me and I feel so alone.
No one will see this. I'm 14, at the end of 9th grade. Most likely getting held back because I stupidly decided to laze out and dodge all the work, motivation to do so was it didn't matter since I was going to be dead. I see so many of these stupid comment of how people talk about struggle and others saying how they contimplate sewer slide. It makes me envious of how people can be so open about themselves and express their feelings. I found myself a couple weeks ago with 2 bottles worth of painkillers in my stomach before I ultimately threw it up in fear. It isn't that easy to die apperently. I'm at a middle point, I got a life worth living but no motivation to do so. I feel like I don't deserve most of this, a constant voice in my head that has had 1 sided conversations with me on every move I make. It tells me how shit and weird I am. I feel crazy but also sane, like I don't need help because myabe I don't deserve it in the way that there's not enough wrong with me for people to care. I self sabotauge and manipulate to find out what people think of me, I care way too much. I'd like to say I've suffered alot but it isn't even that much. I'm most likely gonna yap a sad story but my memories have gotten so bad. I don't think I've left my home to go outside in 5 months, mostly in my bed. My shoulders covered in I think bed sores but idk. I veiw myself as a disgusting mass, a parasite sucking the worth and happyness of everyone who interacts with me. I have a real problem of self worth, it's either too much in a shitty ego or nothing to the point of self harm and sewer slide attempts. I'm just stuck. I hate myself ig. If I had to describe myself it would be the sin of envy and sloth, mixed with a bit of glutton and aggression.
i'm 14 too, and this year has been the worst and it doesn't even seem to stop, I've been dealing with depression, trauma, mommy issues, overthinking and many other things so i try to overcome it by self harm and distractions, i feel disconnected from reality and i hate myself so much that i wish i could just die already i just keep going with the flow. you're not alone and i hope it'll get better for you 💓
(long ass vent lmao) so basically i reconnected with an old guy friend and we face timed and he legit told me that I hadn't changed since we last talked (last talked around the end of 2023) and the entire ft was him telling me that I don't pull and a whole bunch of stuff. we used to be in a situationship like a very long time ago and part of me still kinda of loves him. his opinion really matters and part of me thinks i should re-block him cause i was really happy not thinking about him. he constantly makes fun of me and just is kind of an ass but I know that's his humor. I struggle a whole lot with self image cause I like have an overwhelming hatred for my appearance and just really hate everything about myself so that kinda hurts. my mental health has gotten really bad pretty recently bc of summer (i realized that this summer will be no different from every other one, ill be rotting in my bed with no one to hang out with cause i have no close friends) i feel so emotionally drained and i dont exactly know why i feel like i haven't accomplished anything of value in life and that i'm a pretty boring and kind of a waste of space. i can legit feel the annual depression coming back and i dont know what to do. i feel like life would be easier if i was pretty probably gonna delete this at some point if i don't die of heartbreak LMAO
I thought I was gunna have a great year this year but I was so wrong💀. First my “friend” was mad at me for something I didn’t do and started making rumors about me and my friend group. Then there was this boy I liked. I’ve liked him since 8th grade. My best friend since first grade told me he was ugly and started talking shit saying I deserve better and that im prettier than that. I told her looks don’t matter and its all about personality🤗. 3 weeks after my birthday she started talking to him and now shes dating him. Then she started saying stuff about me to her friends so now all I get are weird glances from them.
Im so so so so sick of trying for him. He doesnt like me back. He won't even look in my direction. Whenever I try to say something to him, he ignores me. He wont even breathe near me. He hates me. I annoyed him to much. He just doesnt like me. I hate him I hate him I hate him. But I love him so much and for him to be mine would be such an honor. I've been trying to make him like me for nine months. NINE. Thats literally longer than any of my relationships. Every guy that I've liked has liked me back, yet he doesn't. Why? Why him? I hate having a crush on him but I love him. Hes the most beautiful guy I've ever met. He just doesn't feel the same. So if you're reading this, I love you. I hope that one day you look in my direction and realize how nice I actually am.
the thing says this is the 5651st day of my entire life, that is a very long time frame. practically no ones reading this so might as well admit that i have prepared myself and i have 3 days left to live. this is incredibly short compared to that number, so pretty frown rn. good playlist and it was enjoyable, though
Hey. I don't know you, but I'd love to. In all honesty. I know you've prepared yourself to leave this world soon, but even though im not a good convincer. Even if I can't make you not do it. I'd love to know you for those two days. Maybe make them a but better if I could.
i feel so stressed,my final exams are in 15 days,i don't feel confident at all, i don't think I'm gonna pass;I'm trying my hardest but everything is just too hard, my parents are having very high expectations ,my dad wants me to be a doctor and my mom wants me to be a dentist, i don't like the medical field at all,but they just don't care and say that i can do it.i know i can't do it,but i don't want to disappoint them,its too much i cant take it .
I have been feeling something that no one understands me, whenever i open up to ppl they just misunderstood or ignores me so i promised myself not to open up but every day by day it gets worse, what's the point of opening up to ppl when they won't understand u?
