Welcome to the ManTalks RU-vid channel hosted by Connor Beaton.
Men, naturally have many questions about who they are and where they fit in to the grand scheme of things. If you’re interested in learning about topics such as masculinity, relationships, success, and mental health you’re in the right place.
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50:00 Understand origin of avoidance attachment. Priority your experience, don't feel tht what you want doesn't matter. Communication your wants needs desire. Acknowledge you have hard time maintain relationship. Open up and say hey listen I like if we do xyz. Just make list what are things I want in relationships. Are there certain conversation u want to have. Shift from blame to ownership. If we recognize we are avoidant, we take ownership over my own part in the disconnection. Bring back to the table .myou know what I actually wasn't listening to u , or I do xyz. Take ownership the ways you are pulling away. What are some ways I pull away , write tht down. You lean it and say you're right I did do xyz. Every single time u want to pull away, call it out and say you know what I feel I am pulling away. Open up conversation like hey I'm shutting doen I need a minute and then say what is happening underneath this shutdown. Use the shutdown as a bridge to reconnect. But then build routine. Know it is ok for u to take ownership . Try schedule biweekly convo where u can go and have hobby together, and then u create some kind of connection. Make it training ground to practice consistent intimacy. Get uncomfortably close. Avoidance feels closeness is foreign. So ask urself if I put relationship first, what choice do I make? Reorient your kind and body to more relationship centric rather than individualistic.
Do you mean the same shame tactics used on women for a thousand years? Women and men never got along, sex for 5 mins is all that is needed. Society was rigged to oppress women and empower men. Men love variety and will cheat if able to, so why are men pushing relationships? Women/girls have been brainwashed by Patriarchy to accept mediocre males to keep them from tearing sh!t up.
Don't do it boys. That's how you do it. Those people are broken and you ain't fixing them and are worth zero of your time until they clean up their act.
For any man searching for a new career, consider fire fighting. I've just started, but it's an inherently masculine job with plenty of risk, adventure and puts in the position of protector and hero. You'll be surrounded by strong masculine men and you'll form a brotherhood, a community where you share meals, knowledge and life experience. You are required to work out and get better everyday, and the schedule is 24 hours on, 48 off, so plenty of time for other pursuits. Sure, it has some big downsides as well, but I am loving this as a new 39 year old recruit, wish I'd found it much earlier. Keep going brother!!
Have you ever met a woman? Your advice sounds like it came from someone that's never been in a relationship with a woman. Unfortunately, when a woman hears the words "Hey, I want to have a conversation with you..." she will instinctively think "He's breaking up with me". Add to that "...about something that you said/did that is not ok with me", she'll immediately think "Ok, he's definitely breaking-up with me" And even worse, if you utter the words "I just want to make it clear that there's nothing wrong with you..." She will instantly take that "He hates me and thinks there's something wrong with me"
The premise of the topic is an absurd, people in general try to avoid accountability The issue is men don't insist on holding women accountable, that's it
3:36 simply false, since forever men did shape women and women did shape men, its just how gender dynamics work feminists push this insane narrative that women were victims, subjugated by men and now times finally changed will we simply forget this "men have to" thing men suffered from since forever, that only 1/4 of men reproduced ever, that some countries lost up to 80% of male population during WW 1 and 2, that men TO THIS DAY get mockery instead of compassion? like WTF are you talking???
My husband complains about everything. Its making me distant with him. So tired of hearing how others dont listen to him afterall he isnt ever wrong lol its getting old.
there is this core issue that is not resolved, society perceives women as valuable just for existing its not fear but a side effect of protection until that is resolved the conflict between sexes will continue to exist
Yeah women are the art of life and men are the strength. Men aren’t valued unless they are providers and women aren’t valued unless they are pretty. And that is talking on a strictly GLOBAL scale. locally most normal people don’t give a shit.
This is not happening by accident. It may sound like a conspiracy theory, but I truly believe the widespread use of these psychological tactics is part of an overall agenda to control and ultimately subjugate strong, traditional men. They have systematically attacked every facet of masculinity. Women in particular work relentlessly to perpetuate the false narrative that all men are "toxic" or abusive. This is much larger than a feminist driven strategy, however, as governments around the world are also clearly complicit.
This patriarchy virus is mostly prevalent from western (US and Europe) women. Women that I've met who are from non-Western countries by and large do not have this perception.
S.I.G.N. language? 😂 Modern Western clownettes need to watch Yeonmi Park videos. Western men are going to leave them to their own devices in the wilderness... against things like Kim Jong Whatzhiznutz...and worse.
I am a woman with 3 sons and a struggling marriage. This video is GREAT. I learned so much and can even apply some of this to myself. I shared it with my men. Thank you!
This is so very true. It's the yearning for freedom which really cuts deep and makes you apathetic about the survival of the relationship. If someone fresh and pleasant comes along, it's curtains and tears for the ex.
It's called nagging. You know, the nagging shrew, as in Shakespeare (we haven't changed). She lives within most women and will emerge at a certain point if the relationship starts to stultify (most marriages)
So helpful. I just got the answer to a problem that has been hindering all my relationships. I’m very thankful for finding this. I’m excited to begin working on the fix. Wow. Excellent.
I’m so confused with self observation. I had it for a few days but then I got lost in my head again. “Let go of trying to fix things.” This seems like gold!
Yea, I don't agree. As a man I cant be composed all the time, its unnatural especially if its caused by her behavior. If you can't participate, help, empathize, be focused or interested, its like she's useless.
I looked at the demographics and recognized the chance of finding a fit woman without kids is incredibly slim. If that’s the demographic that I’m looking for, I’d rather let the other guys take their shot.
I'm so glad I found this video. This has something that has affected every one of my close friend relationships all of my life. In this video you have described my entire childhood with 99% accuracy, and you've hit the nail on the head in describing my current relationship.
ThankU for tackling this tough topic. I grew up with man shaming, the women were violent. I did receive apologies, who am I to not forgive. But the damage proved intractable, I cannot pairbond. I'm glad I'm old. Born in 1953, women's liberation was getting going as I reached adulthood. I believed in it, it was sincere. There was awareness that the trappings of traditional femininity, the emphasis on fashion, hairdos, makeup, high heels, etc were subliminally tools of oppression. It was naively thought those trappings would fade in importance. But that didn't happen. Today's "feminism" betrays that original women's lib in emphasizing a vanity that I find offputting. Empowerment has translated to throwing tantrums. I happen to be friends with many trans folks. There have been many obstacles, or complications, to finding happiness that are unexpected. For the trans men, many are quite astonished at how difficult it is to be a man, to the point of feeling suicidal. I suppose the "battle of the sexes" is eternal
5:54 they say the most ridiculous things. That is not grounded in reality. It's super hard to sit there and listen to these immature thoughts. How do you handle that over an 8-year relationship and never grows to maturity...
Don't be under the illusion that equality can ever exist. Women's nature is overwhelmingly to follow their emotions. Men's nature is to follow reason. This means men and women can never be equal in society.
1. move from questions to statements, tell me about your day, work, your mom etc. foundation of its safe for you tell me and i want to know. not asking do you saying i want to know. And if she says no just say okay i want to know so tell me when your ready. and building trust and it safe and creating genuine connection. 2. give thanks instead of criticism. dont go into hopelessness. appreciate the small things. the phone, call the hug, telling me about your day appreciate all the things she does no matter how small. her interal reality is welcome in your relationship through priase. 3. be clear about expectations. i expect us to talk about xyz. talk 3 times a day or have a date night is it fair to you? how do you feel? about that?. safe engagement and how she feels about those things. whats okay and not okay you create opening allow her to come in dont chase.
Avoidants don't lean in. The moment you bring up something like an issue. The Avoidant sees it as criticism. DAs are emotionally imature and need professional psychotherapy to heal their deep seated childhood traumas. As a partner of a DA you can't help heal them. DAs have to come to the point of self reflection that they want to heal themselves.
This crap was on the incline from 2019. This was the year i began working on myself, weight training ect. Low key, on the regular i was discouraged and shamed in a multitude of different ways. It went on for so long. A little tin foil hat but it most definetly felt like an agenda against me and i couldn't really talk to anyone about what was going on. Anyway, I transformed myself regardless and all this crap actually helped me toughen the hell up loads. Shame is a tool used for control of others. I am now shameless. Great video.
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient.
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..
