Are YOU the avoidant in your relationship? 

I have come to this late in life at 59 but I'm happy as hell to finally understand what I am up against and how to make a plan and what to include in it. Like so much in life, its simple but it's not easy, not to mention necessary.

Excellent points and excellent video. These are things I can put into practice to repair and restore connection with my wife. I recognize my avoidant tendencies. Thank you!

I particularly like the idea of using the shutdown feeling as a bridge. Being able to just name the feeling is powerful enough to bridge the gap when I'm talking with somebody that I know is going to take me in good faith. I'm glad to see rational voices speaking up about the avoidant struggle and how to move through it. I'm just here to put in a word of appreciation before all the pitchforks show up!

My father left when I was 2. I was too small to recollect his presence just know that even though I had a relationship with him growing up I didn't see him as family

Yea I have both Avoidant, and Anxious attachment traits a lot of them so I’m just all messed up. Then I had bad experiences with love so that just makes everything else worse. I’ve been used and cheated on multiple times. I’ve been on the other side before but I’m not the type that really is for having the multiple partners thing. Back when I was younger but as I got older I yearn for just a person feels how I feel about them. I have a girl but we going thru our issues at the moment. We love each other and we are both going through a lot. We both have trauma so we just have to really rebuild stuff

well... I'm happening to score as dismissively avoidant, which ante-solves quite some things, to (not) begin with.

I’ve been in and off and on again relationship with an avoidant man for a year. One of the things he struggles with is how to tell the difference between the voices/feelings that tell him this isn’t right or to pull away from me - is the avoidant part speaking or how to tell if these are real concerns and the relationship isn’t right. And as an anxious gal (shocker I know) how do I know if this guy is really right for me or if it’s just my anxious parts that keep me pulled in and determined to work it out. I’d love to hear a video or your thoughts on this! Thank you for all you do!

I do not have a problem talking to women I do not like(usually the women everyone wants), but the one I like I have the problem with. This has always been my fault. I suppose it has to do with my past abuse and because of how women treated me when I was younger and my family. It makes sense. Good video, more. I am not sure I am avoidant, but yea. I do not fear love, or fear closeness. Just with certain people. This was a good video however.

Hey, can I edit your short videos? I will definitely enhance the quality of your videos. You just have to say yes.

Suggest for a future video (if you haven't done it yet): feeling defeated in life as a man. Particularly by a circumstance or asymmetric power dynamic. So many times in my life and in now I've been forced to agree with or enable teacher (most of the time) or guardian solely because theyre older than me or have a position of power over me, and all it's down is burn this deep recess in my chest of hatred and resent. I think it's a solid topic to cover l...because what do you do? I ALWAYS want to do something my body instantly gets into fight mode, but everytime I have to pacify that because I knew blowing up now will screw me over later. Every time I "control" myself or express my anger in more constructive ways. It never feels right. What advice do you got on this. Thanks for the insights as always.

I think my ex and I were BOTH avoidant

I think it‘s more important to make a list of what you are willing to give and then the list of what your needs and desires are and go to your partner let them evaluate if the lists match up. Honestly

All that BS looks like, feels like and presents itself as narcissism. Having lived and married to an Avoidant, their sabotage of the relationship is concious, vindictive and narcissistic.