Giiiiirl, wanting your gf to occasionally refer to you as her boyfriend, husband, etc. is a sign that you're a masc woman who loves women, not that you aren't detransitioning correctly. That's very common for masc/fem same sex relationships. I'm a fem gay man and I love it when my fiance calls me his girlfriend, wifey, and uses female pronouns sometimes. It sounds romantic and sexy. Does that mean I'm trans? No. Does that mean my body is wrong? No. Does that mean I'm not critical enough of gender norms? No, not in my opinion. No detrans street cred lost in my book
you being sure of who you are and not caring about what others think is a great perspective to have on life. and it makes sense to not bring up the detrans topic with people that are almost strangers to you. regarding clothes and shoes, a lot of women accept wearing heels as something normal because they see other women doing it. most people just follow what others are doing without questioning, no matter if they’re men or women. as women we’re also socialized to think beauty is pain, and that our looks are one of the most important things about us, so we should cater to patriarchal society's expectations of us. plus straight women want to attract male attention, so they’re more willing to go through wearing uncomfortable clothes and shoes compared to lesbians and bi women. it’s like the effect of socialization is more intense for them if that makes sense. i don’t think feminine clothes is the main issue either but the fact that women are influenced by mainstream media, advertising and socialization to wear tight and uncomfortable clothing to sexualize ourselves. loose long skirts or dresses are really comfortable during the summer 🙂
you did great! like you said he was acting erratic and he’s still male at the end of the day, so good on you for speaking out as much as you can while keeping yourself safe. it’s unsettling how differently men act around people they perceive as their fellow men vs women
You can do what you like (within law). If you don’t mind being somewhat isolated, you don’t have to care what anyone else thinks about your looks. People who love you and know you are a different matter, but strangers can think what they like.
You are just too intelligent and well spoken for working at Target, that’s the thing. It would be great if you went to college, for your degree and wrote stuff. Maybe make audiobooks? You’re a talented person, that much is clear.
You are SO good at telling things. I love listening to your story. I wish you’d consider being a counsellor or something. Really well spoken, observant, intuitive.
Wow, thank you! No ones ever said that to me’ I usually think I don’t make any sense because my thoughts are always racing in my head and I don’t know if I’m translating well enough! But thank you for reassuring me it doesn’t come across that way!
I honestly don’t see why it’s important to make sure there are other detrans women who have kept the facial hair, the name etc. Let’s say you go to a Chinese buffet. Do you sit there anxiously to make sure there is someone who put on their plate exactly what you put on yours? You had some opportunities to try another way of living. Some things were good and you kept them. Others not so good, and you put them aside. You are you, and even though I don’t know you personally, you seem like a kind person, and all those other things just happen to be there. They don’t define who you are, if you know what I mean. Your being and energy define who you are, not any of that other stuff.
First video I've seen from your channel. As someone who identifies as non-binary, I love to hear others' perspective in these areas. It's interesting bc I think we actually have a lot in common like being afab and autistic, and not following the gender roles we were expected to. Yet we've come to very different ways of identifying. I also think a lot of what makes someone trans is more of a "meme" than a "gene," as in it's an idea we pass on through culture rather than a genetic trait. I don't think there's a single identifiable "transgender gene" but I also wouldn't say biological factors play no role in it. Being trans definitely isn't as simple as liking things or dressing as the "opposite" gender. I personally haven't seen that rhetoric pushed in the trans community, but I can only speak to my own experience. I also think being trans is much deeper than a matter of dominance between male and female. I don't think someone should transition just because it is "easier" than being non-conforming to one's birth sex. It's a really hard decision to make that encompasses those reasons, being comfortable in one's own body, and other factors. (It was a hard decision for me, at least. I'm glad I made it though!) I agree that people need to be informed of all the effects of gender affirming care, and that receiving it should be a thorough process. Patients can't make informed decisions about treatment if they aren't told the truth about the various effects. I don't think anyone should avoid treatment just because it's not "normal" though. I guess in my opinion it's about weighing the benefits of having gender affirming care vs the potential health risks and asking oneself "Is this really worth it?" What I find most interesting about your take on "abolish gender" is that it seems the conclusion you make from it is "embrace biological sex." That's definitely something I'm not comfortable with, and I think many trans people would feel the same. I've spent a lot of time thinking about it though, because it's important to face challenging ideas. I think the only way we could truly abolish gender would be to stop being a sexually dimorphic species. In this way, I think gender is truly unavoidable. As long as we look different, we will make the distinction. We extend the differences in appearance to our behavior, and create expectations based on it. Gender is like the "meme" that arises from sex's "gene." Hard disagree about "everyone knows wtf you are." Not everyone who is trans "passes" but for those who do, I don't see the point in bringing up their biological sex when it's largely irrelevant to the majority of interactions and in most cases will only cause more confusion. I think for most trans people, they want to embody the features associated with the opposite sex, embody that "gender," and only bring up assigned sex when necessary. And in my case as someone who is non-binary, I like to embody a balance of masculine and feminine traits to be androgynous. Overall I just think people should express themselves how they want, use whatever labels they want, get treatment they want as long as they're well informed and not risking their overall health. It's interesting we say a lot "screw others' expectations" yet we find comfort in meeting those expectations through transition. I think it's because the expectations will be put on us no matter what we do. Either way, I'm happy with the choices I've made regarding my identity and I'll keep doing what I think is best for myself. I really enjoyed watching your video and thinking about all the interesting points you brought up!! Sorry this comment is so long, this video got me thinking a whole lot lol.
I appreciate this comment! I really do it was really thought out and I respect your opinion based on what I said on the video. Being trans isn’t as simple as liking things or dressing as the other sex which I agree because I think(I was too) have genuinely discomfort with our bodies. I think the important thing to do imo is to challenge the why we feel this way and is transitioning the only answer..which for your comment I think you agree with that. I do disagree with people avoiding treatment if it isn’t normal, I think just like we treat any other illness mental/physical the important thing is are we actually curing someone than doing more harm
🏳⚧🏳🌈🤎🖤/💛🤍💜🖤/💗🤍🖤/💗💛💙 Ryuuky : She/Her : LGBTQIA+ : XtF : Demigirl : Pansexual You be you, and it's your choice. People need acceptance, and there's no right or wrong.
All this pressure that you're feeling is understandable, but before you listen to that you should think about what would make you feel happy and comfortable in your skin. That's not an easy task, i know, but it seems to me that you're struggling with how others will see you when you should think what would make you feel one with yourself. Taking the labels and what people think aside, what would you like to see in the mirror? You can have top surgery and still be a woman. You're the one who decides how you'll express your gender identity. None of the body modifications you did or maybe do in the future will change who you are. Keep in mind that you should not suffer trying to be in someone's standard of "what a woman should look like". The only one who should dictate how you want to look or be is yourself. By doing that automatically people will start looking at you as a reference. But still, that should not be your goal, it should be a consequence of being authentically yourself. I hope you find the answers you need.
Thank you for this, it’s a habit I’ve had since childhood where I tend to think of others and feeling pressured to live how others wanted so they were comfortable but your right, I gotta reflect and think about what I want in the end. Thanks !
you have the right to feel the way you do. those commenters were putting unfair pressure on you to be a perfect feminist. even detransitioned women that seem happy talk about having their bad days, too. also no one single person can save a whole demographic of people. maybe in your case when you go to therapy you can ask the therapist to help you work on your feelings around your chest together to learn some healthier coping mechanisms. there are still some gender critical therapists out there. at the end of the day it's your life to live, and we all live our lives for ourselves but i've just read and heard so many horror stories of how binders or botched top surgeries can cause permanent damage, so i'd always air on the side of caution when it comes to surgery and at least be very thorough in researching potential surgeons that don't have a history of medical malpractice, being dishonest, careless, etc. cosmetic surgery doesn't seem to have standards of care that are as high as those for other kinds of surgery. hopefully the therapist can help though. it's good to hear that your girlfriend accepts you no matter what you look like though. that sounds like true love :)
Felt like I wasn’t being fulfilled, or “living a lie” it felt like a routine more than anything and not what i truly wanted. Got tired of needles. Felt like I was lying and in the end I still had to admit and accept(to doctors etc) I was female
God loves you for who you are don't let them convince you to stop detransitioning acceptance can be hard but your flesh is beautiful. Don't give an inch or a mile to demons please come home to Jesus!
You are a great person and the fact that you even have the capability of pouring your heart out and showing it to these random strangers shows that you are capable of tons of great things. Please don’t think poorly of your self and focus on being you and being the you that you enjoy being before thinking about others opinions of you. If your open to it try to Talk to the people you love and care for if they are open to conversation and tell them how you feel so you don’t feel the need to hide. You are great and you deserve a great life don’t let your hater pull you down, let your lovers pull you up.
Hey, I'm a trans bloke. I've been through what you're going through: and I can't *really* relate to you as I've come out the other side still as trans. But, I want to give you some things you can think about. Now, genuinely just think about these questions with NO prejudice, with no other thoughts and feeling influencing you, and only answer these questions to yourself honestly. Don't think of anyone or anything else, any factors you have in your life, none of that. ONLY think of what you feel genuinely. I've have to ask these to myself, and I still do, and it hurts every single time I go through them. I started off asking them and I would fight it because I wouldn't be thinking about the actual experience and the actual question, I'd make excuses and make up reasons as to why those questions had the answers I had. What do you see yourself as in 10, 20 years? I, personally, could never answer this myself. MY therapist asked me this when I first said I was trans to her (about 8 years ago now) and I had no idea. I sitll dont have a clear idea, but its clearer than it was. So, she told me to make a scrap book of what I enjoy right now, my hobbies, my interests, my pets, my career path, my educational path, everything. This gave me an idea of my NOW. And I was able to build on that. What did I want my future house to be like? What did I want my partner to be like? Celebrity crushes? (I found out I liked bloke because of this!) I had a basis and I was able to build on it. I realised over months of late nights that I wanted to have a beard and I wanted to have a deeper voice, and I wanted to be seen as a bloke and play football (can't stand football now haha) and just.. be a bloke yk. Why does it make you feel so bad to be trans? I kept seeing a load of antitrans things, and I was bullied, and I was also suicidal. I fell into the rhetoric of how I could just be a masculine woman, how I could just be a tomboy. Of how I was letting people down around me. But I ignored all these, and I jumped into transitioning (binding, name changing, changing clothes, etc - but not medical yet). I noticed that whenever I was binding, I felt more confident, when I was called a bloke I felt.. normal. But when I was called a woman and when I wasn't binding, I just felt uncomfortable, I felt alone and I felt like I was gross. I realised that binding made me happy and it doesn't matter what anyone thinks. I was still able to support women and men exactly how I did, I was just on the other side of the gender spectrum, sure some women think I'm an evil man taking away womens rights blah blah, but they don't realise that trans men have to go through the same hardships as women do, then some. I realised that some people in life will NEVER agree with, or like me, which is why I always thought of myself - am I happy? What do you WANT? I know, personally, that I want top surgery, to take testosterone, but I don't want to have bottom surgery. But I wanna be a bloke. Some people might only want to have top surgery, not hormones. Some people want the whole works. Some people are fine with only having hormones. Some people just want to change their names. It's individual. Which was one of the hardest things to work out for me. That I don't NEED to go through everything to 'fit in' or to 'be a bloke'. I just have to be myself, I just have to do what I want, not what anyone else wants. It's my life, my body, and it's my choices. Do you want to be a woman? The hardest question of all. It could be easier to be a woman, you don't have to fight or argue with others. You don't have to be seen as an outcast if you're outed. You dont have to have constant hatred spread to the communities, which in turn impact you. But, for me, it made me happy. I was suicidal, and it gave me the happiness I was really struggling with achieving. I felt comfortable, I just felt.. normal. I didn't have the 'yippee, Im crying with joy' that some trans people get. I just felt normal, I didn't feel as anxious as I was, it was like I was freed. Of course, I'm really not trying to put answers on you. I'm not trying to sya you are trans, or you're not trans. You have to figure that out yourself, it could take months, years, it could be tomorrow. But definitely start with working out who you are RIGHT NOW. Then work out what you would like to be if there were NO limits (e.g. imagine if you had all the money in the world, all the space, all the time, if you could date anyone, if you were born differently in another family or house or country or body, if you could do anything at all - no limits.). Then the answers will come to you.
As a trans person, just do whatever makes you feel most comfortable. Theres no shame in exploring your gender, whatever you decide to do should be what makes you happy 👍
You are not a loser ; It's a difficult path to navigate and I have known others in a similar position. They identify as female but have gone down the hormone route so that voice has lowered etc. They frequently wonder whether they should just say they are male as they look male in many ways and it would also make their sexuality more acceptable. I really understand the stress you are under. Don't be hard on yourself. None of this is easy. Don't rush into any decisions. Cross sex hormones taken in the longterm can have serious health problems, so I think for your overall general health it would be safer to stay off the hormones now. I understand the stress of deciding which group you ally yourself with. If you ally with females then if you totally transform yourself it will make it harder for them to see you as female. At the moment because you have your breasts you are "the bearded lady". If you had your breasts removed you would pass for male but do you identify with bio males? Do you want to be in their group and how was it when you were living as male? You have to think of males maturing; what would it be like when you are 40 or 50. All these are difficult things . You are brave and honest in discussing it so openly .
Not all parents are there for their children. I’m sorry they can’t rise to the occasion. But I’m telling you make a lot of sense & you’re expressing your feelings which is so healthy. Be proud of yourself!
You are looking well. Fresh new outfit that really suits you. Next video, I think you should get a new cup to match the summer vibe. I will keep a look out !
this is such an important message that more conservatives or religious people should hear. right now they’re worried about their kids transitioning but a lot of them still reinforce traditional gender roles
i'm sorry that happened to you. i think some of the doctors would’ve said something but either they’ve totally bought into trans ideology and that it’s important for a person to transition no matter the cost, or they're afraid of being called "transphobic" and losing their medical license. PCOS, a disorder that leads to excess amounts of testosterone , is already considered unhealthy in women, so it makes sense that too much testosterone would have a negative effect
Thank you for that and lesson learned. I do think that as well, I feel like doctors should focus on realistic expectations instead of doing what is “right” or if this caters to a trans ideology but that’s where we’re at now smh
I think you reflect the dilemnas that many people who do not fit the standard biological norms deal with in their lives . Gender non conformity is something which frequently ,but not always also often goes along with same sex attraction . In the past when actual physical transition was not possible women like yourself had masculine appearance and personality traits and probably dreamt of being able to transition ; they definately had gender dysphora but came to accept themselves as masculine women and often but not always lesbians. Now transitioning has become possible many of the younger generation have gone ahead thinking this would fulfill their dream, but end up stuck in the middle ,and often as well as time goes on realising that they are intrinsically female whilst at the same time having masculine traits and maybe as you say liking some aspects of this. With you your beard, with others their flat chests etc. Gender non conformity like yours can create confusion in others. A woman for example who has a general fear of men ( which is probably the majority of women at the physical biological level) to see a woman with obvious breasts which biologically speaking is a major feature of being female and then at the same time that person having a beard that woman may be unsure to whom she is responding and whether or not she is safe. I guess people can pretty much tell from your personality that you are female but like you say it means a bit of explaining. It is the same with male to females. People like shape shifter who passes in my opinion have the opposite problem. It is hard not to see them as female but they know they transitioned in order to escape homophobic bullying and know deep down that they are a gay male. So it complicates things. Anyways I wish you all the best and I hope you are able to reconcile things in a way which works for you. Journaling your journey I am sure will help many dealing with similar issues and will add to the voices , as like you say there is not just one type of detransitioner, not just one type of female etc.
have you watched Carol's youtube channel? she's a butch lesbian detransitioner, and she talks about how she deals with dysphoria and other topics. she just had an interview with another butch lesbian with facial hair. that woman never transitioned but just naturally has a lot of it and grows it out instead of shaving. there's also Harnaam Kaur. she naturally has a lot of facial hair without transitioning, and she is working to try to normalize it. it also used to be really common for butch lesbians to take on "male names", and even female names we currently have now used to be considered male in the past, like lindsey and ashley. gender norms change with time. i think in your case it can help to become comfortable with yourself no matter what others think but also become ok with others maybe not perceiving you as a woman because most people do not have experience with a woman that took high doses of cross sex hormones for a long while. testosterone has a more powerful effect on the female body and facial features than the other way around. your actual real friends, family, or romantic partner will accept that you're a woman and support you in your journey no matter what, and of course it's good to meet other more butch detransitoners and butch women in general for support and understanding. i think if there are more women like you and the ones i mentioned in this comment out there, you all can really make an impact on changing how society perceives what a woman is and should be. at the same time of course it's your choice at the end of the day to do what you want to your own body, and it can be hard to go against the grain. i wish there was a general movement to promote acceptance of gender non-conformity in society rather than normalizing medical transition. i hope you have good support now though to be yourself, and i hope you're doing well
I love love LOVE how you have been able to be honest with yourself and truly embrace yourself for who you are. I can relate because as a gender nonconforming man, it's difficult always feeling like an oustider and constantly having to define myself with terminology associated with the opposite sex or my inability to conform to sex roles (masculine, feminine, non-conforming, etc.) I can see how that may start to make you think that you're not behaving right and that somethings wrong with you or your body. You don't have to detransition any certain way because you don't have to be a woman any certain way.
I know what you mean when you talked about gender roles and objectification leaving you basically traumatised when you're just thrust into that pish as a kid out of nowhere. I hated my body, I hated the way people treated me because of it, I hated how it was so acceptable for society and individuals to pick and prod and discuss it like I wasnt right there stuck in it whilst they did it all. It felt like the enemy for a long time, and I'm only just coming to terms with what happened to me and that it was wrong of them to do that, not for my body "entitling" them to do it all. I never transitioned or felt the need to, but I resonate so much with you reevaluating and coming to old hurts with new wisdom and life experience. Three years out of ED recovery, and the struggle is real, but the time to let go of old coping mechanisms and find better ones for my new future has come. I completely agree with the statement that there is no wrong way to be a woman. I have pcos, I might come in second if we're measuring facial hair if I let mine grow out, but I am definitely in the running, doesn't make either of us less of a woman😂 I like your voice, and your band shirt, and your openness, and I've known you for like 10 mins through a screen. I hope you share your story and find people offline as well who love and rally around you. And I think by putting this out there, I think other women like you will reach out to you❤
Your biggest problem may have always been the odd ball feeling and that's what you've really needed therapy and help for. Hope that helps put some logic. It sounds like this will be a slow journey and that's ok.. people need to be told that and hopefully they'll back off. Tell them not to have any expectations, what will be, will be, in time.
Hi, thank you for sharing your experience. 🌺 You aren’t doing detransition wrong-there is no script for how to detransition as this is very new phenomenon, so you’re just dealing with the same societal pressures women face for how to look/behave. I dated a black detrans woman several months ago and she was all wound up about not wanting to look like a man (or be mistaken for a transwoman) and she ended up going the other end of the spectrum by perming her hair, lasering her whole body, etc. and shaming me for being natural-which was really just a projection of her own self-hatred. She changed the way she dressed and everything. She was also on T for 10 yrs and got the same surgeries. Ironically, she used to be natural just like me with dreadlocks and body hair-but she only felt like she could do that as a man. So sad but you know…when you detransition the healing work has just begun and it doesn’t automatically make you comfortable in your body. Everyone reacts differently. I guess the only thing I would say is: If you are more comfortable looking a certain way that you wouldn't be able to look without such radical body modification and pharmaceutical drugs, why is that? Like it's one thing to accept the way that you look now, but preferring to look male over the way you would naturally look might be something to examine more deeply. Because it has nothing to do with being "gender nonconforming". If you never had the T or surgeries you could still be masculine and Gender nonconforming in your natural female body. There are butch women who are often mistaken for male due to their natural features, and there are also women who have just as much facial hair as you due to PCOS-they deal with similar pressures. As long as you are allowing your body to do what it wants to do naturally, you’re doing the right thing. I have done a lot to amplify the voices of black female detransitioners and I write about how gender ideology affects black women (including myself) on my blog, if you’d like to check it out and/or connect. Radical feminism has some great concepts but it’s super white and I tend to go my own lane. Wishing you all the best. 🙏🏾
You are so insightful and honest with yourself, and this will get you through your challenges!! We need to hear from more people who share a similar perspective and experience as you, because you are surely in good company. God bless you and stay strong 💖
I'm a cis woman who has some very masculine traits. A lot of people assume I'm trans because I'm 6 foot and very broad with a deeper voice. It hurts because it feels like people don't see me, they just assume that they do. But some therapy and exposure helped a lot. I know it's not a 1:1 but just know that no matter what you look like, you are forever valid and loved. You are doing nothing wrong. Best of luck to you!
@@ChannelWorldBluez lololololol. Are you supposed to be a man? I probably misunderstood, then. Or are you just super, super extra and hungry for attention?
You are not doing anything wrong.. Be who you are, it maybe difficult but you are a wonderful and will find yourself. It seems like there are many people are who are trying to figure out they fit in this world. I am so happy you are finding love for yourself, in the body you are in.. In our society it is difficult when there are only two genders, when we know there are multiple ways for gender to manifest. Love yourself, be happy with who you are because you are brave and wonderful!
The only thing you have to do to detransition is to accept you're a woman. A woman can be anything. You can have as much hair as you want, wear pants, shirts, have a flat chest, ride a motorbike, play football, drink beer, burp, fart, etc. You're still a woman. You might have to be honest, even with strangers. You might have to explain to women that you were born female but then idenified as a man and now accept you're a woman. But as annoying as that is, it might actually give your life more purpose because you are walking, talking, real life example that not all women are Barbie. You wish you saw more women like you, but you don't know how many people will see you and you will be that bearded women they are happy to know exists. You can be the role model, that you wish you saw. ❤
You’re such a sweet soul . I know you love your look and you look amazing , I wish that you knew you were never in the wrong body . Ever ! We’re beautiful women and our looks never define define us and as a gender critical woman myself I wish all young girls and women know they’re not defined by their roles . ❤️
