Very well said. My father died last June(2023). We were all in the room with him. I said to him please don’t die on me and he said no. He knew that I didn’t want him to die. I stepped out for a short period and I received a call from my mother and she told me that he passed away. He didn’t want to die in front of me,my mother or brother. He died when we all left his room. I will never forget this.
This video came to my inbox at an opportune time. I am going out this week with Indigenous students to put our Ancestor Plates out in the forest. Some of us do that once a year in the Autumn. And it is exactly to maintain that relationship with our Ancestors, whether we "knew" them or not. Thank you for a wonderful presentation on this topic.
I'm so thankful I found you! It was because of you, I was able to reframe my whole belief system in dying and death and what happens. I have been able to heal and provide a good death for my husband and the healing process with my grief. I am forever grateful. Thank you!
Hi, this is Emilie from Sacred Deathcare Team. Thank you so much for the wonderful feedback, it's lovely to hear the profound impact that Sarah's work has had on your healing journey. I'll make sure to pass on your words to Sarah-this feedback means so much to her.
That sentence "we are not meeting it well" is so on point. Many of us kind of don't meet it at all, even when it's upon us and therefore we struggle immensly additionally to how hard grief and death is anyway. I watched this documentary about a neonatal nurse doing mostly the work of a death dula for women whose unborn babies will not survive to term, or who are expected to die shortly after birth. The number of becoming mothers who are advised to "not name the unborn Child" as to "not get attached" so it will be "easier" - just - how!? Easier for who? That's kind of what comes to mind when I think of "not meeting death at all". Another is: Not looking at your dying loved one and missing their last little glances. Grabbing their hand so hard you'll miss their last tender subtle movements as they touch your fingers. And in a worse setting: Doing CPR on a terminally ill 93-year-old cancer patient who ends up in the ER instead of on hospice or palliative care and to then deny them morphine after their ribs have been fractured because it might "slow their breathing". That's also a way of not meeting death that creates so much suffering. And: Being a neurosurgeon who is so unable to support his children through the grief of losing their mother that one generation down a little child gets screamed at and thrown out of a room for bringing up mothers day and the little present they made at school. Or that hospital physician sneering about the mother who has just given birth to her stillborn for letting her older kids meet baby - sneering in front of the nurse who currently had dead baby with her, as the mother was overcome and needed a little break for a minute. We have so much to learn about being present
Thank you 🙏🏽 This is beautiful and so needed. I adore your work. It is my dream to do your certification program one day. I love all of your courses. This is so needed in our society. Thank you for all you do and share 🙏🏽
I have just now found your channel - are there videos about possible grieving practices or grieving rituals? I understand that Orthodox Judaism for instance has something built in for grief/grieving practice. Most of the rest of us don't have that, or lost/rejected it... 😞🤷
Hi, this is Emilie from the Sacred Deathcare team. Welcome to our channel! Check out our playlists called "Grief and Loss", as well as "Ritual healing", they may be helpful to you. 💜
When my MIL passed away, a friend offered to pack up her clothes and personal items, and take to a charity sgoo what could be a blessing to someone else. She said when they had a sudden, unexpected death in her family, she had friends who kindly offered to take care of that for them and she was going to offer the same kindness to FIL. I think he took her up on it. This might be the way for some to move forward (although i would recommend setting aside precious mementos first). 😊
Is it okay to have a funeral service when the loved ones have died, but then a celebration of their life later on? My mum died on the 20th of September, and we will be having her funeral soon, but she wanted to be in another location and loved bluebell woods, so we are going to scatter her ashes in May and have a joyous celebration in the place of her birth.
I know both my parents are in a safe place in the afterlife and my older brother too,I'm living with relatives now but I'm glad I found your video so I'm somewhat at ease oh and I subscribed your channel too🌹
I'm sorry to hear that you were not able to be with her when she died. That must have been so difficult. Sending you love and support 💜-Emilie from the Sacred Deathcare team
My mom's been dying, and in and out of hospital, and in and out of hospice, and close to death over and over again for the past 3 years. I watched this video 12 times in a row. Thanks. bringing some cool, fresh air into my smoke-filled, angry mind
Good Day Dr Kerr. Thank you so much for your talks/videos and articles. I have been reading them for many months in anticipation of my husband's death. He died a week ago and now I am listening and reading and thinking and reflecting on all you say. I find it inspirational and calming to hear you talk about many aspects of death dying, and grief. It is indeed the best site I have found. Thank you!!
I was very grateful for the priest that held my father's funeral. It was from a diffrent culture than my own, so all of the gestures and rites were new to me and my siblings and the priest did an excellent job at guiding us through every movement my father had wished to receive for his passing.
Yes. In our increasingly casual world, I often feel it doesn't cut it. Things that should feel monumental and important just feel like any other dinner gathering. I'm not catholic, but when my grandma passed she had a full Catholic funeral. Her priest blessed her body after she passed in the hospital, attended the viewing, led the funeral, and was there again for the internment. And the funeral was about an hour and went through all their rituals and passages. I truly had a new appreciation for the place of religion. Although I don't agree with all facets of catholicism or many organized religions, I also feel we are losing something important by not being a part of them.
I remember a professor I had in high school, who I was close to, sharing with me and another classmate his experience of his mother's death. He was Polish American, his parents had emigrated from Poland, so they were Catholic. He expressed how grateful he was for the rituals surrounding her passing, especially the funeral and the wake. He shared that during the wake everyone had permission to really cry and wail, to "keen" as the Irish would put it, and he was profoundly grateful for that catharsis. He was able to fully express all the grief and loss and be able to move forward afterward. One of the issues we are facing in the modern world is the turning away from the traditional rituals of all cultures, which have always served as containers for transitions in life and death. I agree with Jung that keeping close to the traditions we come from rather than eschewing them in favour of traditions from cultures we know little about is wiser. Julie Taymor tells a powerful story about her theatre training in Indonesia during which she apprenticed with a company under a guru, as is the custom in Asian theatre. She had been living in Indonesia for several years apprenticing with this company, whose work largely involved sacred shadow plays, and she was not doing well psychologically. Her guru told her to go home to the U.S. because she was in danger of losing her energetic roots and that if she stayed longer in Indonesia, she would become energetically untethered and would be in danger of losing her mind. (She took his advice, returned to the U.S. and used what she had learned from Indonesian theatre to create The Lion King.) I have seen this happen to other people who explored other cultures deeply for personal reasons, one of whom was a colleague who had a psychotic break and committed suicide. For me there is a connection between these stories that involves returning to traditional ritual, especially the rituals of our origin, perhaps enlivening them with influences from other traditions that we feel an affinity for, and re-incorporating them into our lives with renewed awareness and meaning.
The funerals I create are a celebration of the life of the deceased and include the committal ie the saying the final goodbye. I agree too, this "moment" needs a structure to create the opportunity for this all to take place. In Britain, we often hold a gathering "after" the funeral and those are also healthy, healing moments involving food and drink and a chance to talk about the deceased .
Thank you for sharing! It sounds like the way you approach funerals brings comfort and healing by creating both a meaningful structure for saying goodbye and a warm space for connection afterward. 💜
thank you from the bottom of my heart. this is such a scary and shameful emotion that I never thought I'd hear another human acknowledge, and you explain so clearly and empathetically why this is normal
We held our mother‘s funeral one week after her death, and it was exhausting. We had been spending weeks with her at the hospital and regretted having held it so early. It was so rushed that we didn’t feel we had the time to grieve properly. We were a little impatient with each other at times because of the stress. So when our brother - and then later our father - died, we waited several weeks until we felt ready and healthy - mentally and emotionally. For us it made a huge difference. We were able to be present and to celebrate their lives with calm and love.
I so love the energy you put out into the world. Your dealth walker spirit who works with you (I'm a medium so I can see them.) are always with you. You are a beautiful old soul. Thank you for your work. And on a less serious note I love the picture behind you. Very cool. 🎉
You are Blessings for many and for me is also a counseling lesson too that I can use to help others when I am involved in a similar situation as I had this past summer. Thank you so much !
Life is steady stress punctuated by crisis, and we all make major mistakes. The only lasting answer is to comprehend the reality of God and his Christ. That is the truth that makes us free.
It's not 100% official yet, but we're planning on putting down our old and beautiful dog. She's been with us for mroe than 10 years. We're planning to, maybe, put her down this September school vacation be cause of a large tumor. It's grown so large, it's the same size as her little body. She can't jump like she used to, she doesn't always run to the front gate when someone passes by and she urinates right outside our porch instead of the backyard, where she knows she's suppose to. She even struggles to lie down and clean herself, it's getting so depressing to watch. It doesn't seem like she herself is going through physical pain but it's obvious she grows quickly tired. I love her so much, I love her with all my heart. I'll miss her and I don't know if life will ever be the same after this vacation. I really wish there was a better option. Sorry about the long comment, I think I just wanted to share it. Thanks for reading, anyways.💛
Actually, I don’t agree. I do not want a funeral, not for the reason you state. I want a wake. My family already know that I want to be cremated and my ashes put beside my two sons. I do not want a service or a funeral. I have left instructions for my family to invite certain people, not everyone who knows me but those that have had contact with me in the last month that I was alive, to a wake at our house. I have people in my family who play music, guitars, etc. so lots of singing, eating, joking and to play a video that I have made. It has to be completely informal, a time to remember good times and it must be fun. Ok, a couple of tears is ok, but not dwelling on my passing. I lead a huge eventful life, remember that.
I stayed in my moms room (nursing home) when she passed away I was the youngest of her children but the hurt now is worse than ever and mow hearing of my sons best friend dying today 9-9-2024 just 😢😢😢😢makes me hate this world even more . My family had suffered so much .
Great information but the birds? Is there a meaning behind their presence or is it up for individual interpretation? In my case, I think death is near & I need to get ready.
