Man, I’ve listened to 88 bars, new normal and then this. I feel like you guys are speaking to me. Solo. You are just me in a different life, the guy who was strong enough to stand in front of people to tell them this message. I want to so bad, I feel it, but it’s so hard. This is for my Facebook. I’m about to go to rehab in 2 weeks, but I’m ok. I’ve cried more these last few months than I ever had The beautiful tears running down my face as I listened to new normal, and this… but 88 bars pumps me. You are doing gods work, whoever he may be mate. This is my post… Rant warning. Life is hard. Everyone is going thru something in one way or another. My whole life I’ve felt behind the 8 ball. Disadvantaged because of this reason, or that reason. My entire existence revolving around trying to earn the love of someone incapable of giving it. That shit builds up in you and manifests its ugly head in other ways. Heavy alcohol and drug use for the last 10 years just trying to hide away from all those bad experiences I’ve had, and all the pain I felt. Tried prescription meds, pain killers, Valium, sleeping tablets… anything to numb the pain. The last 12 months have been crazy. Moving towns from the security of my own home, to having none of that. Jumping back into the dating game only for those ugly thoughts to manifest themselves in a new, self destructive way. Something feels like it’s clicked lately. Im 34 and here, not because of other people. I’m here because of myself. I’m trying to find the answer to something in all these other people, when the question and the answer has been me the whole time. No more shifting the blame, no more telling myself that my life sucks because of other people… time for accountability. I’ve decided to check myself into a rehab. Still working out the fine details but it’s looking like the next 6-8 months will be spent working on myself and trying to get rid of all this toxic behaviour bullshit that’s stopping me from being who I really am. I have a lot of people to apologise to for all the shitty decisions I’ve made and continue to make, and I’ll get to you all in due time. Everything seems so hectic on the outside lately, but I really think this is the best decision… because for possibly the first time ever… I have no anxiety, I just see the path I have to take. There are a lot of you that I’ve thanked for helping me along the way. You guys are the reason I am doing this. Not to make you happy, but to show myself the same respect that you’ve all shown me along the way. You guys mean the world to me, truely.
“Look me in the eyes, you can see I’m not playing, because This is not a game, and I am not the same Man who is standing in my place, 'cause a lot has changed”
“Having trouble maintaining sobriety Drugs, alcohol, depression, anxiety I been lying to everybody, shit, I even tried to lie to me And just from looking at me, you could never tell That my head's spinning, ears ringing from the decibels Tryna outrun the demons, caught up with the jezebels With the team rolling deeper than Adele, but if you know me well Well, then you know that I’m a show and tell Ever since I was a teen, been sharing my notes to self”
If you guys wanna check out an old song shitty webcam song I made back in the day, check out “my lyf be like - Tate Salway” I’m not trying to get famous. Those days are behind me, but there is a story in there for sure I think you’ll appreciate
Melancholaholic, yeah I'm a melancholaholic, yeah If you get down, you came to the right place A safe space where you can't go wrong Pull up a chair, it's my turn to share This is where you and I belong, got my name tag on, like Hi, my name's Nick, I'm an addict Been working on tryna kick the habit And I can do it all by myself, no cry for help Instead, I'ma set off my flare for the dramatic What's it gonna take? How many more of these breakthroughs I gotta make? How many more hours out the day do I gotta waste Loving the taste of sour grapes? I mean Must be some kind of mistake Or maybe I just like it this way I got so much self to be If I could just get the help I need If you fit the description, yeah (Is the glass half full or half empty?) Better fill your prescription, yeah (I might drink it all down, don't tempt me) Spokesman for the brokenhearted You don't wanna get me started, no And that's why I stay so guarded Tryna fight my addiction I'm a melancholaholic, yeah I'm a melancholaholic, yeah Yeah I think I got a problem And don't know what else to call it I'm a melanchola-melancholaholic (Hi, my name is Shawn) (Hi Shawn, do you have something you'd like to share today?) Sometimes it kinda feels like I'm in front of a broken mirror, I'm searching my face Shovel through my dirt like I deserve some grace Looking at my reflection, but my first reflex is To try to turn away and get some personal space How the hell'd we end up here? I'm tryna raise a little hell but it's been a rough year I wanna tell you what I've felt if you'd lend that ear I'm tryna hear that bell communicate that clear But evidently I don't know ya like I think I do Cos I'm pre-assuming that you'd even let me speak to you School of hotbox, never learned to keep my cool The freakazoid that be avoiding all the peek-a-boo Gotta jump back and excuse myself From a momentary lack of existence It doesn't even make a difference Why I keep coming up missing, man, listen If you fit the description, yeah (Is the glass half full or half empty?) Better fill your prescription, yeah (I might drink it all down, don't tempt me) Spokesman for the brokenhearted You don't wanna get me started, no And that's why I stay so guarded Tryna fight my addiction I'm a melancholaholic, yeah I'm a melancholaholic, yeah Yeah I think I got a problem And don't know what else to call it I'm a melanchola-melancholaholic
Lyrics: ↓↓↓↓ Woke up in the night from a bad dream Calling out your name but I couldn’t reach you Maybe I was wired off the caffeine Then the morning came and I couldn’t wait to see you Two flat whites in a keep cup Grab em’ from the cafe then I’m on my way to meet up And if it’s cold out then I know we’ll turn the heat up Open up a magazine kick back and put our feet up, hey And I dunno how else to say this but I ain’t never felt this way and I don’t wanna lose you but if I ever do you can bet that there’ll be hell to pay I, I won't give you up There's things I just don't know how else to say These things that I’m most worried about Is that heaven might come down and steal you away Away Steal you away Now ain’t it funny how the ones that you drag all the way through your hell Are the same who can teach you how to touch heaven as well And how these long days got me in a hurry And I still lie awake at night worrying About my biggest fear that you’ll disappear I wanna be near you, my dear, you’re my souvenir One that I revere, so come here you If the water’s rough then I will steer you Somewhere we can leave all of our troubles in the rearview It’s pretty clear heaven’s where you're heading But I don’t reckon I’d get let in So let’s make it here and now, if only for a second We know there’s no time like the present And I don’t wanna wait - if not today, then some other day We know heaven’s gonna place an order for take away So let’s make a date, don’t know when but we know what awaits And when it comes, bet that I’ll be banging on the gates, singing I, I won’t give you up (won’t give you up so don’t you give up on me) There’s things I just don’t know how else to say (because sometimes the words won’t come to me) These things that I’m most worried about (so hear me out, I don’t wanna be without you) Is that heaven might come down and steal you away (you can bet that I’ll be banging on the gates, singing) Is heaven might come down and steal you away (said I’ll be banging on the gates, singing) Is heaven might come down and steal you away (said i'll be banging on the gates, singing) Heaven might come down and steal you away
