Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, it's super helpful for me

Last to be picked in PE 😂 that resonates, I hated team sports

I had a year of grammar school and I loved it and I had actual friends. When I went to a comp afterwards my academic achievements and mental health took a huge dive.

Thank you for sharing! I stumbled over "some autism-video" on RU-vid on Thursday (Orion!), having like "Ding-Ding-Ding-Bingo-Moments" every minute. Being 46. I "won" every test provided on "embrace-autism" after that by now "comfortably". I felt in a way relieved on Friday that I haven't experienced for decades (maybe in my entire life) as if I've just found out what "42" actually means as an answer to everything. Everything suddenly makes sense. And then there are so many questions now, reviewing an entire life, asking yourself who you are after masking for decades, knowing that it can`t be cured and the not so helpful information that our health-system is next to useless (it would take three years or more for getting an appointmend to get officially evaluated/diagnosed in Germany, and what would do that anyway?), regarding the risk of being unemployed (or to get employed in the first place for many others) and even darker topics with very high rates compared to neurotypical people. However, I know now why I struggle so much at work with things like the "Emotion Wheel", "Sugarcoating", "Dishonesty", Business Trips, getting angry being constantly interrupted in my work, neighbours closing there doors and windows like there's no tomorrow (like loud!), people walking on their heels (noise!), why I'm so utterly exhausted from work that I need the entire weekend to recharge, why the last "Offsite" (a weekend company "event") basically caused an autistic burnout on Monday (couldn't do anything!). That there are words and descriptions for all these things and most importantly, that I'm not alone feeling like an alien on this planet! This is a really a lot to process, so thank you again sharing your experiences!

I couldn't go thru life without my masks. Imagine being totally authentic, telling everyone with whom you come in contact your true thoughts and feelings. It'd be disastrous. Masking is a necessity. I reveal different parts of myself to different people -- that's completely natural. It does feel good, though, to be able to open up and let someone see the real 'you'. It's a rare person I can do that with.

I am uncertain about being autistic. Some scores on online tests indicate a high probability of having ASD, others are either neutral or slightly positive. I, like you, have noticed autistic traits in myself MORE now, such as being self-conscious about how much eye contact I am making, or noticing how I have trouble keeping conversations going.

I am currently on job number 30 and I am 57 . I will be getting assessed in a couple weeks.

I am 57 and have an appointment in two weeks.

Thanks for sharing, I'm 64 and have just received my NHS diagnosis, a little over a week ago, after 2.5 years on the waiting list. I know it's late but it's been a relief to finally know why it's all been so hard. Because I did well in school there was no chance of ever being offered any kind of help in the 1960's. Despite my internal turmoil and constant battle with anxiety, I've always been physically imposing and have used this to camouflage rather than mask which has helped get me through most of it. Like you I met my wife later, I was 34, but she has been my saving grace. Great channel, hope you continue to do well, you deserve it.

I relate so hard to this list. Hierarchical structures are a no no for me but i love following the rules.😊 I have a special interest in creating societal constructs that remove hierarchical structures. I write academic essays on it for fun.