___________________ 👩💼 Hi, I'm Jodi Carlton and I'm a leading world expert on neurodiverse relationships and communication. I'm also ADHD, myself! My life experiences with my own autistic partners and neurodiverse family and friends have been my personal training ground, but I also have 20+ years of professional experience as a therapist.
❤️️ Communication is critical for connection and clarity. I developed a ground-breaking "CracktheCOMMUNICATIONCode.com" program for my OWN relationships and it will now help you finally understand your partner and break the endless cycle of confusion and conflict.
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I am autistic (don’t have ADHD, or at least I think I don’t). I cannot relate to the cause of ADHD burnout. But I can relate to the emotional fatigue and struggling to start doing things I know tend to bring me joy.
I am autistic, and will never date or marry another "neurotypical" partner again because of their gaslighting and inability to feel a situation out. I have allowed myself to be abused by people who have no empathy for people who are different. They say I don't have cognitive empathy, and yet often fail to put themselves in the shoes of another. Don't even get me started on emotional empathy, because NTs can be pretty sloppy with their emathic energy, and dense to the silent emotional suffering of others.
You are 💯 moron - if we don’t disabuse this world of psychology we are dead - btw - YOU ARE AUTISTIC/ADHD - it’s obvious af - but your denial makes you a woke ass narcissist
I broke up a wirh my gf due to her engaging in emotional abuse and gsslighting. I would stop her every time on the spot. I thought she was a narc or sociopathic. Turns out she is probably autistic
I'll pass. Your masters is in teaching and not in psychology, counseling , or social work. When people are divided into black and white categories and it comes with a list of new terms to learn ... and it came out of the same institutions that gave us gender affirming care. No thanks
I have a bachelors in psychology and a masters in counseling. I’ve never been academically trained or educated as teacher so I guess you’re confused by the credential (M.Ed.) The Counseling Psychology program where I got my masters degree was housed in the college of education at the University of Georgia, but it is not a teaching degree. The program I was in was ranked 5th in the nation in counseling. That was almost 25 years ago and there was very little training about autism and neurodiversity - THAT training came from lived experience and almost 20 years of working with neurodivergent individuals, couples, and families. Thank you for the opportunity to clarify. As for the labels, Cassandra Syndrome is not a clinical diagnosis and was first identified by Maxine Aston in the UK as a specific type of trauma she observed in some women married to autistic men (it did not come out of any higher institution). You are clearly misinformed about many things so please do some research before impulsively commenting and spreading misinformation.
If you took Research in college, you would know those self fill in surveys on the Cassandra Syndrome therapist’s website are not very valid research. She just has pissed off burnt out middle aged women unhappy with their autistic husbands who ignore them go to her for emotional support and an outlet to complain. I knew an autistic self diagnosed guy obsessed with this Cassandra syndrome; then he did some Buddhism meditations, realized he is not autistic, and found a girlfriend. Perhaps.. complaining is not a mentally healthy practice and should not be killed by therapists to get money out of women
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Hey everyone! Here's how you can get even more clarity about autism and neurodiversity in your life and relationship! Take a quiz: jodicarlton.com/take-a-quiz/ Take a course: jodicarlton.com/courses/ Listen to the podcast: jodicarlton.com/podcast/ Read the blog: jodicarlton.com/blog/ Attend a support group: jodicarlton.com/groups/ Request a private consultation for coaching: jodicarlton.com/booking/
Hey everyone! Here's how you can get even more clarity about autism and neurodiversity in your life and relationship! Take a quiz: jodicarlton.com/take-a-quiz/ Take a course: jodicarlton.com/courses/ Listen to the podcast: jodicarlton.com/podcast/ Read the blog: jodicarlton.com/blog/ Attend a support group: jodicarlton.com/groups/ Request a private consultation for coaching: jodicarlton.com/booking/
It’s refreshing to hear someone say that it can happen to the neurodivergent partner. My spouse has made enough claims that don’t line up with reality and had been so emotionally abusive that I am pretty certain that it’s actually gaslighting in my case, but as a late diagnosed person, I believed their claims about me being “bad” before I was diagnosed. I would like to see you follow through and say that we should be accommodated. I would love to be accepted for who I am. As the neurodivergent individual, I relate to everything you say from the perspective of the neurotypical. I’ve visited the facebook groups that she speaks of. They are incredibly invalidating to the autistic partner. I initially tried to discuss my relationship in that setting, but because I’m female, everyone kept assuming I was the neurotypical, so I would receive mean comments about autism that they meant for my spouse.
Yes, it can definitely happen to a neurodivergent partner - that video is in the works!! Thanks for contributing to this conversation so we can all learn more from one another.
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Absolutely! 100000x1000000™ times YES! It also pushes the emphatetic person to submission and to comply to the abuser. It is blaming and shaming to try to set bounderies and to rightfully expect your *basic* needs to be met. It is to be fed to a predator.
Im not autistic, but i despise not planning something, like a trip to the store, days ahead, whereas others just want to suddenly go, and i am not mentally prepared for it, and it bothers me, and even angers me, but i will usually do it, or see if i can talk them into doing it the next day, so that i have a day to prepare for it. It just seems rude to abruptly decide that they have to go someplace and dont take you into consideration.
This is a great example of how our brains are all wired differently. I can't speak specifically about the people in your life, but for some, being spontaneous, and having the ability to make quick decisions and change plans on a dime is necessary for their wellbeing. For others, like yourself, it's burdensome and creates distress. Neither is the "right way" and neither is inherently rude unless either of you is being shames for your preferences and needs. Thes differences actually create balance in relationships if people can embrace differences as strengths, and respect the other for their differences versus in spite of them.
That is when someone works from experience. PRICELESS! Thank you! Validation is the very first step for one to rebuild oneself. It is just so Fr!@king far from a house!
Yeppp.... Online groups are traumatizing for me. I have very abusive experiences. Also doesn't help if I can't see and hear them. You have no way to measure up the person. It is a Russian rulett that I don't want to play. Sometimes people with unprocessed traumas or a down right toxic person can be deceptive.
Cassandra would prophesied. It was her gift. But some god wanted her, and she refused. She was cursed to not ever be believed when she saw the future. She was doomed to speak gibberish. So, no one believed her. Thus, when young doctors or researchers come up with names of diseases they ought to do a little research in the mythology. Watch Jon Solo.
Am I supposed to be watching this or is she supposed to be watching this? I feel like ifni watch all this it's cheating. I'm supposed to not be realizing I do this so if I know about it then I'm literally doing on purpose at that point t. It's therefore intentional and thus not jist appearing narcissistic but virtually narcissistic. Is it not? So I took a screen shot of the description of this video and tex tit to my wife and sent it to her tonight and I will see if she decidedms to watch thi tomorrow . Things have been so hard it seems since right about just when covid hit but I was in the midst of my alcoholism and pretty much addicted to 2 benzos plus 6 other meds so I was completely subdued and we now know that I was not healthy whatsoever and completely in space. Now with our 3 year old daughter we have to try to work on coming back together only in bits and pieces because we jist don't have hardly any time to do it
Hi Jodi, I think that you might rile up some Autistic folks with this one. They can be a pretty vocal part of the internet. I can see how you’ve tried to present the concept in a balanced way but some of the word and presentation choices may cause a bit of consternation. For example, wording such as: “It can look like the neurotypical partner is the crazy one” and the use of a disability (colour blindness) to demonstrate different points of view, rather than just relying on your more generalisable ‘religion and politics’ example may create the impression that the problem is with the ‘disabled partner’. This taken together with factors such as: • Focus on black and white thinking being primarily an Autistic feature and an intrinsic part of the condition with emphasis on learning about the condition, rather than maintaining the focus that both partners may have black and white thinking • The background context that neurotypicals may rely on the claim that they are the ‘normal’ one and how hard done by they are (look at any group of partners of people with ADHD or Autism) • Implying that neurotypicals are always the ones that concede and give ground while ND partners do not, which is not always the case • That Autistic people are incapable of seeing the other person’s point of view without a lot of external work, rather than considering that they may have considered that view and that they disagree with it based on objective evidence that hasn’t been countered • The claims about lack of theory of mind and cognitive empathy are likely to be challenged by the ASD community on the basis that these individuals do have these traits, they may just have different points of view based on evidence and logic than other people • That is implied that it is wrong that people looking in may view the NT person as being the problem - because from the perspective of the ASD person that is exactly what is going on- albeit in the context of a communication breakdown. I can see that you are also ADHD - basically all of these types of statements might equally be said about us by neurotypical partners. That our executive function problems make our partners feel crazy and that we are incapable of seeing their side of things without a lot of work due to deficits in cognition. I did think that your five suggestions including personal therapy first sounded like a good idea to address the issue, and then perhaps when the base is sorted going onto couple therapy. I liked your video, but it might be worth considering whether part of your target demographic might find it a bit ableist (though you may be more targeting the neurotypical spouses). I grew up in a house with an AuDHD father who always conceded to my very impulsive and strong-willed possibly ADHD mother together with a relationship that followed this theme - though this dynamic could easily be seen with a very self-assured partner NT partner (or one with ASD or ADHD partner, or both) of any gender.
This is pretty stereotypical understanding of Autistic people. Many of us are not black/white thinkers. We are more often the victims of abuse than abusers. Nearly 100% of us have cPTSD. I was the scapegoat child to 2 narcissistic alcoholics and a narc golden child brother. At 48 I am only now finding the words for my experience and I see mischaracterization of my diagnosis all the time. If you are not Autistic you really shouldn’t be talking about us and certainly not with such a broad brush stereotype.
Hi there, and thanks for contributing to the conversation with your thoughts. Autism is a grouping of specific neurodivergent traits - without this grouping of stereotypical traits, autism would not be distinguishable, and no one would be considered autistic. Of course, not everyone who is autistic will manifest all of the traits associated with autism. It's interesting how individuals like yourself protest, saying "we're not all like that" when the implication is not that "all" autistics manifest a trait. If you listen to my videos or read my blogs, you'll see that I say "many," or "most," but rarely (if ever) "all." In your comment, you claim that 100% (all) of autistics have cPTSD. The autistic "all or nothing" (black/white) thinking is right here in your comment. Regarding trauma, although a childhood of narcissistic abuse like you've described certainly leads to cPTSD, I disagree with you that 100% of autistics have complex trauma. In over 20 years specializing in this field, and meeting thousands of autistic individuals, as well as having my own neurodivergent family of autistics, I know that many do not experience abuse or trauma. Yes, being autistic can result in trauma throughout life due to differences from others, but it is not the "norm" to grow up autistic in a narcissistic family. I'm very glad for you that you are getting some clarity, and hopefully help, for your trauma. I do agree that more often than not autistics are victims of abuse rather than being abusive, themselves, but this doesn't mean people in their lives aren't sometimes impacted in a way that is painful and traumatic due to years of confusing misunderstandings. Lastly, autistics are not the only ones qualified to discuss autism any more than narcissists or alcoholics are the only ones qualified to discuss narcissism or alcoholism. Again, that "black and white" way of thinking is not helpful for the purpose of bringing us all together to understand each other and promote connection.
I have a FB group where members are both neurotypical and neurodivergent (ADHD and autistic), and are men and women. We don't allow venting and bashing posts and encourage members to ask for feedback and guidance from others (including opposite neurotypes). There are fabulous conversations. Come join us! facebook.com/groups/neurodiverserelationships
Yes, this is an important caution. It is hard work to (a) identify the real struggles, even weaknesses which impact the joint relationship, but (b) find way forward in partnership that BOTH are addressing the challenges. It is very hard to not resort to, “I will just work on this myself” (ie, quit trying as a partnership) because it can be so hard for (some?) autistic person(s) to recall what has been thoroughly talked through and agreed AND to consistently act on it. It seems to me and some friends in ND relationships that follow through from ND person is often lacking. In my experience, this is exhausting. To desire improvement feels hopeless at times and then the victim mindset can establish roots. Sigh 😞
This isn't resonating with me. I have been outcast all my life for seeing and expressing the nuances of situations to black & white thinkers, who have always outnumbered me by multitudes. By your definition, should I conclude that I am neurotypical and the rest of the world is Autistic? I realize I am describing a black & white scenario in my question, which proves your point, lol.
Hello and I'm glad you asked this question! The answer is not black and white. 🙃 Not all "absolute" thinkers are autistic and not all autistics are locked in to "all or nothing" thinking - this was an example of a common autistic trait in this video (and it is) to demonstrate how this specific trait difference in partners can create trauma over time. But, to determine if you are neurotypical or neurodivergent (could also be ADHD and/or have high IQ), I'd have to learn more about your other traits and characteristics. Being neurotypical is about mostly having the most commonly occurring neurodevelopmental and social/relational traits whereas neurodivergence is about having groupings of traits (ADHD and autism are two different groupings of traits) that are less commonly occurring in the general population. Hope that helps!
Due to the fact that they teach that autistic individuals can’t be narcissists and if they are, it’s bc of their mother, it’s become really impossible to grasp the reality of just how complex both personalities types are. INTENTION is the only barometer that can decipher one from the other. But this duality is more common than what has been recognized in the past. You can be BOTH, easily driving the care taker into a mentally unstable head space over time where they are becoming slowly unglued/unhinged due to raising a autistic individual with other dual disorders, then, often, having to be the sole provider once that autistic child becomes adult age. Years of raising such a polarizing personality, especially if the autistic child has many narcissistic traits, can likely ruin the human psychè and not enough caregivers/mothers are given this grace. But instead told they are narcissists. Many times they are not. Just mentally exhausted, fragile and easily triggered. No one supports them and everyone blames them. By default, there is never any responsibility placed on the autistic individual, which is why Drs are JUST beginning to recognize that an autistic person CAN be dual diagnosed with narcissism. So imagine all the mothers who were actually raising these dual types all along who got ZERO support or empathy for the difficult life they were quietly trying to survive all along. These mothers are out there and no one sees them bc everyone just gives autistic individuals so much grace. But what about the autistic person who is darker in nature and more calculated and abusive? Should they get the same grace? Sometimes mothers end up evolving into what seems like narcissism as a safety coping mechanism. We must dig deeper and stop being so quick to just blame mothers as if they aren’t humans possibly going through emotional trauma due to receiving the zero support while raising mentally disabled individuals. It takes possessing empathy and a much internal understanding of both conditions to be able to see it this way.
Hello and thank you for your comment on this topic. Research tells us that mothers of autistic children have the same stress levels as combat soldiers. I believe it. I've lived it! I agree with you that mothers are the primary caregivers of autistic children, and they are given very little support. I also agree that raising an autistic child who has comorbid narcissism is devastating for a mother. I'm not sure where you're hearing that mothers are being labeled as narcissists or that they are blamed for adult narcissism (decades ago mother were blamed for a lot, like schizophrenia), but I haven't seen what you're describing in my 20+ years specializing in this field - can you point me to some more information about this? Thanks again for your comment!
I find PRINCE, AMANDA SEALS & KANYE WEST the perfect poster children for narcissistic autistics. Being they are public figures, they are a great study.
I have Autism/ADHD and am an empath. So, with that burnout can be bad. I needed help getting out of my last and first big burnout. I've been hyperfixated on learning and thinking what makes me tick for over 6 weeks now. I'm going with it since I am trying to learn and change my routine so I can take breaks. When I hear mention of executive dysfunction, my thoughts go immediately to monotropic thought and my thoughts prioritize the few things in my head, some things won't even be on that list for that day. It's a thought that I want to do or task I want to do but the main focus is where my thoughts are at that given moment. Like today is laundry day and I will do it today but right now my focus is here. No I can't put this off for a minute to do laundry because this is more important to me now. It's not inability It's i don't want to right now because that's not my focus. My hobby of cutting gemstones it's always there in my mind because that's a special interest but not a priority today. Last Saturday I polished gemstones because it became my focus on that day. If I was feeling alexithymic that day I probably would not have polished gemstones. There are a number of motivating factors that can determine the outcome of my day. My job is routine so I do that no issues for the most part. Just some passing thoughts. Also autistic inertia is the same it's a wrong descriptor word for executive dysfunction or monotropic thoughts. 👻🤪🌶🤘😎♾️
Male Aspie here... yes - this!! I wasn't diagnosed until after my divorce several years ago (along with C-PTSD which has some overlap). Unfortunately by that time it was too late. I had no idea until a childhood friend with an Aspie kid noticed similar traits between me and her kid - suggested I looked in to it - and yup... Aspie. 50 years of not knowing was an eye opener and all of the missing or out of order puzzle pieces suddenly fell into place. My 'normie' ex-wife could never figure me out - and that's because I had never figured myself out (or my parents never got me figured out - then again before 1994 I was just an odd kid). Information that would have been very useful during childhood. Turns out our daughter is an Aspie too - but we got that diagnosis when she was 12... and she proudly wears it like a badge on her sleeve!
I'm glad you finally have some answers and that your daughter (mine too) is proud of her Aspie badge. So many in your generation (and all the generations before us) had trouble being "figured out," and I'm glad we're gaining understanding of this now!
Yes. Here’s a video about that. ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-bTCFLtkkUWA.htmlsi=2oyn_xzvcPA135TX I also have a course and an assessment to help figure this out. jodicarlton.com/courses/neurodivergent-or-narcissist-or-could-it-be-both/
The autistic partner can develop the skill of finding the nuance/multiple interpretations. I'm late-diagnosed but life had already trained me in many ways. Here are things that helped: 1. Puns (the humor comes from multiple ways of seeing) 2. Hermeneutics (the Bible provides an objective example of how the exact same words can be interpreted many different ways) 3. The Buddhist concept of "emptiness" (learning to see that even the most concrete things - Rob Burbea uses The example of a chair - depend on how you look at them) 4. Deep Canvassing/Street Epistemology (as you talk to people and they explain why they believe things you will need blown away by the variety of thought patterns and perspectives)
I am sorry to have to admit to you Jodi that your description of how 2 labelled brains often relate to one another only sounds like a shell game move to me.
Omg... could this be what is happening with my son and I? 🫣 We are both autistic...I was just recently diagnosed at 49 years old 9and he and I do this. Both of us will think the other is gaslighting but we swear we're not we're just not understanding the words at the time with the context and feelings. Boy, now this is going to take some work. 😮💨 I'm going to mention this in therapy. Thank you so much for the words! 🙏
I was never aware of this Cassandra complex. Very interesting and thought provoking. Great video and content. Colour blind comparison was good! I had to turn the speed down, and it was much better.
I’m a late diagnosed autistic woman married to a non-autistic man. I find that the gaslighting-like behavior described in this video is the exact opposite. I have always been steam rolled in all my relationships because my perspective was never seen as valid. I believe that the dynamic described in this video does occur but it was a bit triggering hearing it described as exclusively damaging to the NT partner when, from my experience, it’s the opposite.
And this is compounded because the vast majority of everyone sees the world closer to the way the NT partner does, making it much easier to dismiss the ND partner. I think the problem is that it feels like this is happening to both partners because of the difference in thinking. It's important to recognise this in order to have a healthy relationship. Often the NT person is dismissed because the ND person masks in public, so others don't see the more challenging side of the persons behaviours like the spouse does and remember that others opinions tend to be much more important to the NT person so that adds stress. It's important to recognise that our behaviour while not intentional can have a negative affect on the health of those we care about too, just as their behaviour, again unintentionally, can impact on us. That's why it is often a good idea for both parties to have support outside of the relationship to help the relationship remain healthy.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. As I noted toward the beginning of this video 0:17 , Cassandra Syndrome has been historically noted in neurotypical partners but autistic partners often experience invalidation and being dismissed by partners and even society - and this experience longterm trauma as a result. This video focused more on the neurotypical experience but I will be releasing another video soon about what autistic partners experience.
Yea i definitely see this happening infinitely more for the autistic than the NT. Thus what breaks down our auto immune system even further then we're stuck with so much more trauma and stress related issues
I wouldn't say either neurotype experiences more (or less) trauma from the relationship - the reality is that it's challenging for both partners. When either neurotype makes comparison claims of "more" or "less harm," it creates opposition versus moving toward partnership and connection (neurotypicals are very guilty of this so I'm not finger-pointing at you as someone who is autistic). I do see that autistic individuals experience more trauma, overall, throughout life, but in relationships, it really varies depending on each person. Thanks for your input and the opportunity to discuss this more.
What strikes me about mental health care in general in America is the only people who can truly chose the best therapists for them are those who can pay out of pocket. Otherwise you are at the mercy of what ever system you are in, Medicare for example. The internet, podcasts as you say, is an available alternative, the problem there is however the same, it’s not individualized, those seeking help have to adjust, to the program presented, there is no opportunity for fine tuning by the affected person by selection.
You are correct about the cost issue-it’s one of the reasons I’ve had to lean on, and advise others, to use Chat AI programs (like Google Gemini) to have some “info dump” sessions-the ai can parse out patterns fast, and usually is compassionate sounding. The key is, as the “patient” to treat it like a “self check out”-it’s a good starting point, and can be very helpful to focus on the particular issue to be addressed that a support group or other methods of therapies. It’s felt like the Wild West and when I finally did get psychiatric care, I was progressing in a stable way due to my ai chat processing sessions that brought me clarity and I was able to offer it to my psychiatrist and we were able to work together in an easier way. Hopefully we will be able to shift the mental health industry to understand trauma and neurodiversity more thoroughly asap.
It's true that private assistance is costly here in the U.S., which is why I try to provide as much as possible for free or low-cost. Check out this new autistic translator tool. It was developed by an autistic man in Australia, Michael Daniel. I've heard nothing but good things about it from neurodiverse couples and autistic individuals. autistictranslator.com/?via=jodi
Your intuition is not reality until it is ratified by reality. The nuance is within the context and gestalt. The nt doesn’t observe nuance at the same level. I don’t think you understand this topic very well. You are pointing to blame of autistic people for having a different perspective. It sounds like you have an ax to grind against autistic people. I’m sorry but my honest reaction is gfy. Shut up you have this wrong.
Can these roles be reversed, I feel I’m on the spectrum, but I’m NOT a black & white thinker. To me it’s almost always a shade of grey! Those around me who are supposedly neuro typical, exhibit the black & white thinking.
I agree, but, it's worth keeping in mind that the NT does not see themselves as a black & white thinker either. The problem is that we are all blind to where our thinking is black & white, because if we realised that there were other view points our thinking wouldn't actually be black & white. The problem is that both parties can think in shades of grey in some situations and think black & white in others and we tend not to recognise when we are thinking in a black & white fashion. What makes it even more challenging, is that as a rule, because we think differently, the typical areas of life that we resort to black & white thinking tends to be in very different areas between ND and NT people. It's also worth remembering that she is talking in generalities which doesn't always apply to the individual. So it may be true that in general that ND people are more inclined to black & white thinking (this is in the diagnosis criteria after all - referred to as rigid thinking patterns) and for an individual who is ND to be much lower in that trait than the majority of NT people they know. Both can be true.
Hi @NJGuy1973. Thanks for your comment about this. I imagine it's difficult for you to put in so much effort if your hard-wiring tends toward being rigid. Some people simply aren't wired to see the nuance. You're not wrong for being rigid and others aren't "right" for their shades of grey. The harm to both neurotypical AND autistic partners is when neither partner understands the differences and one or both are told their own reality is "wrong." I'll be doing another video/blog soon about the autistic neurodivergent's experience with Cassandra Syndrome!
I find I'm the one always making space for misinterpretations. I have to just function in society. What I find is NT people don't do this. I'm sure this is one of the advantages of being early diagnosed. Imagine how an undiagnosed autistic person must fell. They probably feel gaslit by everyone while eveyone else feels they gaslighting in return. That has to be really messy.
It definitely works both ways and although historically Cassandra Syndrome has been associated with neurotypical partners, we're seeing evidence exactly as you described that ND partners experience similar trauma. This video is geared toward NT partners, but I am also doing some other videos/blog articles on this topic and will speak to ND partners as well.
@@JodiCarlton As an autistic person, I find that we autistics are the Cassandras in that we spend our whole lives telling NTs we have sensory issues or what have you, and no one believes us. A kid has trouble making friends, feels more comfortable reading reference books than building forts, and no one believes he may be autistic. Autistic women even more so. No one believes a autistic young girl when she speaks about how she dislikes conventional girl culture. "She just needs to be more social." "He just needs to try harder to make eye contact." Parents are the biggest nonbelievers of all. No parents wants to acknowldge that their son or daughter might be autistic. So we grow up thinking that we can't be who we are. It almost makes us wish for a cure. That all autistics go through whatever therapy will make them neurotypical. Transcranial stimulation, chelation, whatever. You think we want to be seen as a detriment to society?
I've just survived 36 years as undiagnosed autistic married to an nt. We had no idea what it was all about but we both definitely suffered badly. With my diagnosis things are getting better. We know to check with each other what they meant and we give each other grace. The only thing that held us together was the deep love we had for each other but it has been traumatic.
Yes, I totally agree with you that autistics experience major trauma from their realities being called into question. This video is not "taking sides" that one neurotype experiences Cassandra and the other does not, but I'm seeing a lot of autistic individuals in the comments saying things like you've said, "we...are the Cassandras..." (i.e. not them). That's black and white, either/or, logic. Most of the neurotypical partners that I've met through the years recognize the incredible struggles that their autistic partners have faced. They have gone to great lengths to learn and understand their autistic partners. They give up their own preferences and needs to accommodate their autistic partner's needs. Yet, many of them have autistic partners who don't in any way acknowledge their struggles, their sacrifices, and the harm to their physical and emotional wellbeing. It is often one-sided in terms of acknowledging the difficulties. I've met almost no neurotypical partners who deny their autistic partner's trauma, but I've met many, many autistic partners who totally deny their neurotypical partner's trauma. Cassandra is about when your own reality about your trauma is denied.
@@JodiCarlton well this is one autistic who knows that we have both suffered and my diagnosis is beginning to make life better for both of us. Thanks Jodi for your insights.
it's interesting for once to hear from a neurotypical perspective where the autistic person is not immediately labeled as narcisist gaslighter. it's nice since it's usually just us NDs being confused as to "why are the NTs like that???". at first it was really hard to relate because I have more often than not been the one who was not believed due to my sensory sensitivities. very often the NTs find it offensive that I'm hurt by something that they have done. they get especially aggressive when I ask to not be touched but that's also because of sexism not just because they are neurotypical. (many people think they are entitled to the body of women) but it's so nice to hear that there are sane people who listen even among the kind of people who have usually hurt me.
I'm so glad you feel heard! I will be making more content (video/blog) about this from the ND perspective as well. You are not alone in feeling confused and gaslit from your ND perspective.
I wish I had known I was Autistic when I was married and being forced into sexual compliance. The overstimulation was excruciating, not pleasurable. I had to lie still and cry in silence, because to communicate my pain would have made him feel rejected, and he would punish me for that.
@@victoryamartin9773 that is terrible Im so sorry that happened to you! Even if you weren't autistic it is still despicable he pushed you into doing something you didn't want to and I can relate too much to this it truly is excruciating!
@@arurora5474 Thank you for the validation. There was also the added pressure to comply from the biblical mandate for wives to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord, which I tried to follow to a tee. After realizing my Autism, suddenly I understood how I did and didn't want to be touched, and I can now advocate for myself in this way. I don't worry about being misunderstood, because I know the God who made me understands, whereas I didn't think my needs mattered to Him when it came to being obedient to my husband, who has since divorced me for better sex somewhere else, releasing me from the obligation.
