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The 17 years no speaking. He literally sat on the phone with her. Listened to her updates and her life then told her he didn't care and hung up. Why not just say that in the beginning. 🙄🙄🙄 comment before the update.
I look forward to these videos every time. I watch them during the day since I work from home and it helps so much. When it comes to cutting people off in the family, that is so evident and what I’m going through now with both grandparents as they get older and let me tell you… there is no right or wrong. It’s so hard then and now. It’s hard not to regret but I chose to keep my peace as an adult and distance myself from those relationships. I’m not close to my grandparents and I hold so much guilt and constantly grieve what could have been. Its nice to hear im not the only one ❤
On the family obligation thing -- that only sustains so long as they keep up their own end. It is not supposed to be you taking care of everyone else with them using you and never bothering to take care of you. It is supposed to be mutually. If they don't treat you right why the hell should you stay? Why should others expect you to allow yourself to be used and/or abused just because they're family? They shouldn't. At all. Your choice for your own health and safety is yours - not thiers - and they don't have the right to use you. p.s. there are some exceptions such as temporary emotional explosiveness post head injury or some other such medical thing that is outside of the norm for that individual and is likely to resolve with treatment. That is just illness and if they are normally caring, considerate and respectful then, yea, stick around and do your best and you need help - seek it! Needing help to deal with something like that is entirely valid and is very different from dipping out.
Neurologist story: NTA, but this is a difficult one. I do wonder how "accidental" that condom break was. Very convenient that he starts talking about having a baby & all of the sudden a condom breaks when it appears that has never happened before? Idk. Seems shady. Then he promises the moon & the stars so OP doesn't abort. And then one weekend alone & he's ready to change their lives? He needs time to get used to things. It's a huge transition when the working parent fully goes back to work. He could bring in help in the beginning until he gets used to a routine. It could be a trusted family member, friend, or even a paid baby nurse. Then they're still not dropping the kid at daycare & the help isn't fully alone with the baby. If husband still stays home then they can probably afford it, especially short term. If he goes back to work & she stays home, OP is miserable & they're whole standard of living is different. He can't base the rest of their lives on one difficult weekend. I do sympathize if his feelings genuinely changed since having the baby. But, he has to deal with the promises he made & the consequences of going back on his word. Maybe with a little help & not being completely alone all the time once OP returns to work, he'll feel better. Husband also needs to be honest if traditional gender roles are playing a part in his feelings at all now as well.
I feel family is what you make it and letting family manipulate and abuse you is not healthy, setting boundaries actually helps to create a healthier relationship and some things are cut off worthy but that depends on your morals and if that person actually wants to change or not because think of bringing people like that around your own kids, lifelong people should be good for you and the future your building
1:28:26 i simply don’t agree with Sam on this one. he ruined that child’s home and trust in her father. he’s mad at a consequence he caused as a parent.
for story 2, it think you guys don't realize how expensive private care is. You can run well over 10,000 dollars in a month, (based on the story it seems he has had declining health for several months). No matter how "well off" it is expensive and absolutely exhausting, good on her. If you have never been a caregiver, don't cast judgement on people who cannot do it. Being a caregiver essentially means life is over as you know it because it is physically, mentally exhausting. Not to mention that she wanted a divorce and sh had a baby dropped in her lap. Anyone that says she should have just dealt with it, is nuts.
I think it's so fair of this man to feel overwhelmed having to deal with a newborn on his own. That makes sense! It's overwhelming for the mothers too! But the way you deal with that is finding ways for HIM to deal with it, not finding ways to make your wife start having to do it when that was the entire basis of having this child. Also he spent how long? A weekend? It takes adjustment! And kids grow so fast that it becomes easier as you go and find ways to make it work. He feels alone in this, and she now feels alone as well. I think she can help find ways for him to de-stress and work out his own worries without making it her responsibility. I think at their current point, there's resentment on both sides and it'll all come crashing down QUICK. He also seemed just woefully unprepared for the reality of it, which is honestly a little on him even though you don't know what you don't know, like you could've reached out to someone in your life with a kid or who had experience being the stay at home parent to ask for their experience and advice. He could've even gone to the internet for this. There were a lot more steps needed from him to show that he was ready for this. It's not enough to just want a kid. You have to put in the work
Second story - #1) There's nothing weird about the wife of 20+ years being the beneficiary of her husband's estate. If they were legally married, she is the primary benefiary. Even if he attempted to take legal steps to change or add beneficiaries, it's not always that easy, depending on what state you're in. #2) It's crazy how everyone else actually related to the baby is expecting the ONLY non-relative in the scenario to care for the baby. People really have a surplus of audacity in 2024! 😂 P.S. You CAN leave your spouse any time you choose to. Please unlearn that "can't" language.
for the last story, it is one thing to assume and another to spread gossip. sure, people will assume that, but he did not groom her. his coworker, however, spread the rumor around the office that he DID without knowing all the facts. had she only assumed, there wouldn’t be a reason to go to HR. but what she did was slander and could’ve potentially ruined his life- no matter if people will assume that or not because he’s 30 with a 22 year old.
On the jar one -- its more about the lack of respect around her very reasonable request even though he knows it causes her such great distress by literally locking her out of all the food kept in such jars. It very much feels intentional for every single jar in the house. Occational jar 'cause he forgot? That's just being human. Every goddamn jar every time? no. I'm with the neighbor on this one of it being intentional. I am also on the try counseling first even if you also divorce later it would help you both understand and find closure. Side note -- if you had wanted to stay with jar control man even despite the disrespect thing -- get rid of all of the metal lidded jars in the house. Replace them with the glass jars that have the rubber seals and little side clamps - those can't be made tighter. Just clamped closed or lifted open. If you get decent quality ones they get air-tight seals which would directly address the food freshness thing (an excuse in my opionian) while still allowing the wife access to all the food. But, honestly, he was being a huge asshole over the jar lids with needing to have such tight control over that portion of the food.
Story about telling husband she wouldn’t have had his child… nta. But husband is also allowed to change his mind, but agreed that he needs to get the support and resources set up he needs to help facilitate the transition and stick to his word. Daycare and sahm are obviously non-negotiable. Moms feel overwhelmed too, we just learn and adjust. He can do it, too. He can learn… go ahead and learn. Maybe hire a nanny (set up nanny cam) for just a few hours per day or week so dad can step out and go to the gym or even work a few hours. Or hire a doula to assist in the transition during the day. Hire cleaning person to help clean up house so that is one less thing for dad to do. If you have the $$$ then you have access to these resources.
For 1:43:49, the coworker shouldn’t have assumed any of that and gossiped but he was still a 28 y/o dating a 20 y/o, that’s weird af, and now still weird, a 22 y/ o with a 30 y/o
STORY 1: NTA cheaters are something I'll never tolerate. I also hate ultimatums, if I ever hear an "it's either me or else _____ " I'm choosing or else every time. no matter what it is, how big or small it is, it doesn't even matter. I. HATE. ULTIMATEUMES. STORY 2: NTA idk why ppl make the excuses for pregnate women "oh she's eating for two now" as if it's some kind of pass to over eat. it's a dream for the gluttonous. i'm not saying pregnant women don't have a lot to go through. they do but a baby doesn't take that many extra calories to satiated. these are based off averages. first trimester: (first 12 weeks) you need no extra calories, second trimester:(13_26 weeks) women typically need 340 extra calories. this is roughly equivalent to 2 glasses of skim milk and a bowl of oatmeal, third trimester: (after 26 weeks) women need 450 extra calories per day. equal to the above plus 1 medium sized red apple. that "meal was basically a buffet equivalent to thousands of calories. no health person eats that much I hate these excuses. STORY 3: i find this to be an ESH kinda of situation. i understand the not so good feeling regarding the baby and I think the expectation of her to take care of his affair child is a bit much. but her leaving without even getting him medical assistance is a bit shitty as well. the man had a heart attack, is weak and can barely do anything for himself. her "kids" are also kinda shitty for expecting her to take care of their dad when none of them were willing to do so themselves. personally, I would've 1.) taken care of the baby and 2.) stayed but gotten the necessaire medical help so I could not feel so resentful towards him. it can be overwhelming to take care of a sick SO and baby. STORY 4: after the context I'd give a NTA. eating disorders are a long hard battel and a half. her trying to feed his disordered eating would've put him off track and potentially gotten him removed from this program, which sounds like it's helping. if he kept it hidden, they might think he was indulging or had been asking her to bring theses snacks. so having her banned was probably best a BMI that high is Fadel if not taken seriously. STORY 5: I ACTUALLY HEARD THIS ONE ON TIKTOK😲 NTA this is some kind of emotional manipulation bullshit. the Neighbour said it best, HE IS doing it on purpose. most likely to make her need him then gaslighting her to make her feel crazy. I mean he was gone 10 days and she would've had to buy all new jars bc the ones they had were to tight. and bc it makes her sound insane ppl won't take her seriously chalking it up to her being crazy and imagining things. it intentional NTA
For the parenting question- the mending part is the most important. You have to be like… so attentive to a baby/toddler to make a two year old that uses words to say “I don’t like that, I didn’t like that, that hurt my feelings.” And the idea that power can include accountability as well as responsibility- oooh chefs kiss. Also it’s so cool when parents talk about learning from their kids, and can say that to said kid. Omg i can only imagine 😅
1:01:11 i can’t believe he wants her to leave her dream job + she makes 3x as much as him like he’s crazy and doesn’t seem to respect her or her wishes for their child and i agree lots of men see a friend have a child and now they want a child but don’t won’t those responsibilities that come w being a dad
Fr also it's not like she'd be completely uninvolved she was at a convention she'd probably be more present day to day. And if not with her salary they could get help easily while he works from home just fine, I have a feeling ops husband was emasculated and this was a she'll be stay at home eventually birth will change her mind instincts and all that bs.
For the slapping the teenager story: This might be a hot take, BUT - as someone raising a daughter and teaching her that nobody gets to touch her body without permission - I think she modeled good behavior for her daughter. When it comes to bodily safety, slap first and ask questions later. She was so justified to defend herself, AND she taught her daughter that this “boys will be boys” nonsense belongs in the trash, and she should never tolerate it. 🎉
You guys are definitely in my top 3 favorite podcasts but the stories you find are old :( I wish you’d find newer ones because I’ve already seen them on two different channels by the time you get to it
51:12 it was a chinese ad 😅 they offer foreigners good money for ads so he probably went along with it to keep getting offers. They even call the jobs where they hire white people to "appear global" as a company "white monkey" jobs.
The third story makes my heart hurt for both the wife and the child. Her trauma, his disregard for her trauma concerning their daughter, disregarding her wishes for their child to be able to express herself before daycare, and his “so this is the plan (with no compromise for you)” approach. I hope we get a positive update for this one.
The second story is so upsetting. Everyone putting blame on this woman who doesn’t want to raise somebody else’s child. But nobody comments on how the BIRTH MOM abandoned the baby. How are the grandparents gonna chastise a woman when their kid didn’t take care of her mistake. A whole ass mistress AND a bad mom yet they want to get upset with a stranger. I’d also put my foot down. Good for her
Madi, as someone who has been no contact with a family member of mine for almost 7 years now, it is the hardest decision I have ever made but it also saved my mental health. You have to consider how that person makes you feel when you are around them and if that is something you’re willing to experience every time for the sake of maintaining the relationship. My situation is pretty extreme, but I still experience regret and worry about having lost those years with that person. But to be honest the regret I feel is for a reality that doesn’t exist, I regret missing out on a relationship that never truly existed because of the way that person treated me. It is always worth setting those boundaries to the degree that makes you the most comfortable. Love the show and it’s great hearing other people’s insight on this! ❤
“The regret I feel is for a reality that doesn’t exist” might have just REALLY helped me. ❤ I hope you’re thriving, surrounded by love and appreciation, and have the support you deserve! 💐
I find it crazy that in Story 2's update the kids chastise the wife for not wanting to take care of the baby, but when she suggested they take care of their baby sibling they both said no. Both times. Like how can they call her cruel, when they are worse? They are ACTUALLY related to that baby. Not the wife.
Story 1 is pretty wild. He does give more info in the comments. His sister essentially pretends to be the wife using her phone and he takes the bait and tells it all. He’s a realtor in Florida on his 4th or 5th marriage and from what op said is short fat and fugly. Op is apparently the complete opposite of the realtor and went on a downward spiral trying to understand why. She told him that “he made her feel special”. That’s pretty much it
For the binge eating story, I dont think the husband is an AH... the wife is either consciously or unconsciously sabotaging his journey in recovery. Either way, it's terrbile! You wouldn't go to AA or NA with elicit substances and be like "you need a treat". Hes trying to repair his relationship with food and providing temptation regardless of intention is a crappy thing to do.
