Asking My BF Not to Go to The Strip Club While Attending a Bachelor Party | Episode 119 

I used to be a dancer. It is 100% reasonable to ask your significant other to skip the strip club. If he goes anyway, he doesn’t care about you, and you should leave him. Period.

For the bachelor story, she laid a boundary that got crossed in a very suspicious way. He casually forgot her the night they went to do the one thing she wasn't okay with? Not only going to that club but brought home women that same night? When she offered to do just that with him!!! He isn't cool going with her but all for it and annoyed she'd "control" him in that way by saying she's not okay with him doing it without her on a trip with his guy friends. He's valid in not wanting to be controlled, but it crosses gross territory by getting annoyed she spoke of her discomfort. Both of them need to think about this boundary and whether or not it's worth sticking around. If he thinks it's controlling, consider finding a partner who's all for it. And same vise versa, if he blatantly omits the fact he went against her wishes and it rubbed her the wrong way, consider if this continues is it worth it for her. Ik breaking up can be a huge overstep but it's good to reevaluate and talk together about were the relationship is going. And if you can't even get far enough to talk a disagreement through, thats evidence the relationship won't work out without changes between them.

For the strip club story, I don't think it matters how long they've been together or if they're gf/bf vs married. If your partner makes a very reasonable request of you and you blow them off and disregard their discomfort with the situation, then you are in the wrong. If he wants to go to a strip club, then he should date somebody that is comfortable with him going.

To answer Brandon's question, many people with ADHD space out A LOT.

When I went to my friend’s Bachelorette party she wanted to go to a male strip club and I let it be known that if they go I’d be staying back at the Airbnb 🤷🏽‍♀️. It’s soooooo simple! He’s a big boy, he can stay “home alone” while they go out. The fact of the matter is he WANTED to go, so he did. Anything else he tries to blame it on is just stupid excuses.

“I love the name Octavius the octopus cause that’s something I would name him!!” 😂😂😂

the strip club story: NTAA if he respected their relationship and she asked something so simple of him and he decided that he didn’t want to do it then he doesn’t respect the relationship he’s a dickhead he could be single and do all that

34:09 lying by omission is still lying. Intentionally withholding the truth is a lie. Also, saying you're not into something then doing the exact same thing you said you weren't into is also a lie. But imo the biggest issue is the bachelor. Unless he's in an open relationship it's really grimy to entertain sex work without your partner being involved.

Beginning: this is an ASMR type episode 25 mins in: TO THA WINDOWWZZZ!!!!

The “prank” breakup story is wild. He didn’t call to tell her it was a “joke” for multiple days?? It sounds to me like he wanted to pursue someone else and when that person didn’t reciprocate, he tried to come back.

32:27 I had a joint account with a partner in the past. One month, our statement showed an ATM transaction at a location that had an unusual name that ended in xx, not to mention we rarely used ATMs. It took me about 2 seconds to figure out it was a strip club. I asked the guy about it, he tried to deny it, but eventually admitted that he went when he said he was going to visit family. Going to the strip club absolutely didn't bother me. The deception upset me, lying to my face hurt me, and using our money on other women pissed me off. So for me, my biggest issue is my money being used on other women, but if its not my money then I do not care.

Oh HELLLL no. OP dodged a bullet by “not fighting enough” for the relationship 😅 mister prankster has ZERO brain obviously

The way Sam and Madi spent 30 seconds talking at the same time about two totally different shows with “woman” in title 😂😂😂

Lying by omission is still LYING

For the sister engagement story. OP's sister may view op as a mom and her mom as her sister or best friend. The mom passed off responsibility to the oldest because she probably didn't want to parent.

As someone who struggles from many AuDHD symptoms but is undiagnosed, Brandon I see you and I hear you ✊😫

OMG Touched by an Angel and Dr. Quinn were my families favorite shows to watch on Sunday afternoons!!

For the first story I always tell my brother your dad and my dad are completely different people despite being the same human since his parenting style was way different for me then for them

Robbing someone's home can easily turn into murdering someone, so good on op for taking it seriously

46:15 It’s because it’s not an easily reversible scenario due to double standards and the fact that women just don’t really go to male strip clubs, let alone bring male strippers back to their hotel with them and shit. Like I’ve been to bachelorette parties with ONE hired male stripper and one party where we went to a chippendales show, and it’s just not the same lol. A lot of the women didn’t enjoy it at all, one girl left and others just kind of thought it was funny, if you get what I mean. Like it was a joke, haha men do this so let’s do the opposite-but it’s just not something women really do of their own volition outside of bachelorette parties and stuff. I was even told by one of the male strippers that the vast majority of his clientele were gay men lmao, which I think says it all right there. Women just aren’t objectifying and commodifying men to anywhere near the same degree in society, but when men objectify and commodify women, their wives and girlfriends are expected to just accept that and be cool with it even if they’re very uncomfortable with it. Because it’s “guys being guys” and a masculine bonding thing and you’re the bitch if you tell him you’re not okay with it. I wish men would try to understand how unfair that feels to women, when we’re faithful and have never paid a man (or a woman) for any kind of sex work and never would, but because our partner is a man, we’re expected to allow him to be a little unfaithful and participate in a very sexist industry with his group of guy friends, and that we’re not invited because us clothed women would ruin it for them. It’s a raw deal for the women in these men’s lives.

honestly for the strip club story, i would break up with him. if i set a boundary and he still went, who knows what happened in there that i don’t know about, and i honestly wouldn’t want to have that haunt me. i said don’t go, you went, goodbye! find someone who doesn’t like going out to those events, just like he should find someone who doesn’t care what he does! unfortunately some peoples foundational views just don’t allow them to be together and that’s okay! but what im not gonna do is stress about “what if….” trust was broken.

story 1, NTA but i kinda see where the dad is coming from. he's basically saying he doesn't trust the older kids to be out on their own and he believes the 18 year old would make it. i just think there's better ways to give a kid the confidence to be self sufficient without giving them an ultimatum that's inherently unfair since it's not being applied equally between the other siblings.

Feeling forgotten after not having contact with your partner of 5yrs for a few hours, you shouldn't be together anyway. He was willing to take the L by going & telling afterwards knowing she set a boundary & would be upset so he doesn't care either.

Anyone can cheat. Not worrying about it is good, healthy, but he could still cheat and maybe the desire for the updates and not stopping to his friends level is a subconscious worry she has that he will act like them as soon as he leaves her sight

Last Story : this may be a hot take, but I think OP may be slightly overstepping. It's clear there's a deeper reason, because it's not really a "normal" thing to exclude family from such an announcement. It may have nothing to do with race - if she has had a traumatic time with family, then she may just want this one thing to herself, if that makes sense. She's an adult at the end of the day. OP is allowed to be shocked but they're not entitled to know their sister's dating life, and the sister is allowed to be hurt but not entitled to a certain reaction from OP. No need for the engagement to be ruined. Take things as they come :)

So confidently "No i know who pioneer woman is!"😂.. a cooking show?!! 🤣.. doctor Quinn... The mental imagery... I felt your struggle Sam... The "what is that?!" In unison...😅

for the first story, this is to Sam’s response, youre saying that if the parent is learning and trying not to make the same mistakes then it should be applied to all children involved, not just the last born. If parents are realizing that they dont want to make the same mistake of “spoiling” or “coddling” the last child even though that sibling is proving to them that they are more responsible and reliable than the older siblings then what there is no reason they should get in the way of the responsible sibling and figure out what the oldest are doing. If anything the father should be asking OP what their plan is and how he can help. Guide OP into saving, looking for an apartment, or if OP was given the option to rent settle on what OP will pay while still living with Dad. And the dad should get on OP’s brother’s ass and make him get a job and start paying rent. Being jobless? In this economy???

Definitely not the AH for pressing charges against the niece. Especially because irreplaceable stuff disappeared!

It's been a long time since I've thought about Touched By An Angel and Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. That was a blast to the past.

I want to be on an episode so bad 😭 Singing touched by an angel theme song is totally my speed!

Being black/white mixed: its hard. Neither group growing up accepts you. Youre not "enough" of either to be with them. My black mom didnt like being black but NOT being white it felt like we were trying to be white-passing and its just a confusing and frustrating childhood without the correct guidance and lack of culture education on BOTH sides. Growing up in Miami, everyone just thought we were some type of spanish, being made worse because we didn't speak spanish 🙄😔

The Chris Brown puns😂😂😂😂😂😂

lying by omission is still lying! and the “i forgot about you” text to top it off….. YIKES

I love it when y’all break out into song! I always stop what I’m doing so I can make sure y’all have my undivided attention! Supes impressive!

These hour+ episodes literally are the best gift ever. I get to hear my fave people yap.

Boundaries are an if this, then that. If you lie to me, I will lower contact with you because I don't feel like that is trustworthy behavior. She needs to adjust to his lying and decide how she wants to move forward. But honestly, she seems obsessive, she was upset that he didn't call her during the lulls in activity. My husband travels for work and there are some days that I'm not even sure how he makes it back to his hotel before he passes out. He's gone out with his friends and not called or checked in on me and vice versa. But we know what works for us. She needs to decide what she's willing to put up with.

I'm a mixed women; I'd love to come give my view!! Long-time listener.

I think no one is the ahole in the stripper story. Some people don’t care if their partners go to a strip club and some do. It’s all personal preference and I’d say if you disagree on that topic in a relationship it’s probably a deal breaker. But I will say he’s a little bit of an ahole for ghosting her that night and not answering her questions.

I've been binging yall for a few months at work ... unfortunately I'm finally caught up and I feel like a crackhead the way I was waiting for this episode😭😭😭

I felt that “And I was SINGING IT”

I love how this episode was part amnesia and part musical 😂

I always listen to this Tuesdays when I’m on my hike. Didn’t hike today it feels criminal. But still watched at home. Love yall! ❤️

Wow this is the first time I’ve ever been this early to watch a video!!!

I guarantee I’m bout to have row row row your boat stuck in my head the rest of the day 😂😂😂

bro "row row row your boat" really slapped

Yall uploaded right as I got to work! Today is a good day!

As a former choir kid, the round of row your boat (54:17) made me cheese the ENTIRE time... and i've rewatched it 15 times- ily yall!

“It’s a show! It’s like at the same time as touched by an Angel”💀💀💀

This is the earliest I have been. Listening at lunch!

Happy Tuesday comforters 🫶🏼🫶🏼 I love you guys all the way from texas ✨

Oh my mom loved Touched by an Angel when she was young!

I swear I only watch this pod for the tracks you guys keep putting out

brandon: hyperfixates on actavia the octopus for the longest time jill: do you hyperfixate? brandon: 🤔 no, i don’t think so 😭😂also yes brandon zoning out is a huge part of adhd; and so is forgetting what you were *just* about to say like all the time 🤣 that’s why we often are criticised for “interrupting” during conversations coz sorry but if i don’t get this out right now, it’s gone gone 😂

I didn’t realize I needed to hear roe row row your boat sang in a ‘round again…but it turns out I did!

Mixing those 2 songs was hilarious 😂😂😂😂

A very musical episode. I enjoyed it l😂

I was so not expecting to be sitting in my car singing the Touched by an Angel theme song along with Sam tonight, but here we are. 😂

agree with jill ...he don't like her 😭

Love letter is a really fun game! I got the Bridgerton one too but haven’t had a chance to play it yet. I may be a little obsessed with Bridgerton.

For the prank one. Many people may "break up" with their significant others out of a desperate attempt to feel needed or liked by them. Typically, there's other signs beforehand though, like needing a lot of reassurance or distancing themselves from others and their own emotions when needing to be vulnerable. Regardless of the why though. He shouldn't of waiting so long to say it was a "joke", and shouldn't of done it then. He should of asked for the reassurance he needed instead of testing OP to feel liked. Therapy is needed, lots of therapy. (This is coming from someone who has done similar things and tried to play it off as a joke, or that I didn't mean it.)

That row row row your boat went too hard 🔥🔥🔥

Row your boat went hard 🔥🔥🔥

Ahhhhh u love you guys!!! Made my morning already!

Comfort Level Pod, the Musical! Yay, Doctor Quinn. Also, story 2, 2 words: fundamentally incompatible. You could do a whole series on these sorts of stories. They just have different values.

Best reddit reading podcast around! Because of you guys! Seriously another great episode. Loved the medly, ending song (Madi got bars!) And of course any other singing that happened❤ Hope one to meet you all!!!

For the strip club story - they didn’t talk enough about the part where they brought the women back to the Airbnb…. The fact that my bf withheld that info initially , that part would have been the deal breaker. Let’s not be naive, we know damn well shit went down in that house and BF didn’t tell her for a reason 🤷🏻‍♀️

This is how I see it, boundaries are boundaries! My husband didn’t want me having strippers. I didn’t want him having strippers, guess what we did we respected each other’s boundaries. strippers and strip clubs are fun, but only for other people that are into it. if you’re significant other is uncomfortable with that respect that and if you can’t, and if you need to go to them break up with you guys are not compatible, both of you were find people that were respect you and take your boundaries into considerations. Strip clubs are perfectly fine to go to but don’t lie about it and don’t cross any boundaries that’s all to it, it doesn’t need to be this big thing. also, she wanted to go to the strip club with him before and he turned her down, why… is it because he can’t control himself or what is it. Idk they should break up.

Definitely started singing the touched by an angel theme song with Sam 😂

The last story another layer is that the older sister is also gay as she described her partner w/ she/her pronouns. I am white so I can't speak on the race aspect but I am a lesbian so maybe the younger sisters boyfriend is also homophobic and maybe that viewpoint has also been aborbed by the sister and thats why she didnt tell her older sister? I think theres a lot of aspects that are playing a factor into this story. My heart hurts for OP because I've also been there where youre trying to repair your relationship w/ your sister and its hard. My advice to OP youre ntah, make sure you surround yourself with found family to support you. I hope you and your soster can talk & work through this.

I love you guys!!!

i was watching this last night and saved the last one for this morning but i just remembered madi’s question 🤣 you guys totally make the songs so much more fun 😂😂😂 also, madi you actually have such a lovely voice haha i always enjoy when you break into song lmao ❤ but i love the trio and y’all need to think about your band name now (i was going to voice my controversial opinion and agree with sam re brandon being manager but imma keep it 🤐😂) also loved jill in this episode! also also where’s my girl sadia !?? 😩 please let her come back sam she won’t replace you 👀 lmao

Whoa I got here right when it uploaded

Dancer story - I think it's worth wondering which version of him is "real," aka which feels more authentic to him. If he feels like he's supposed to do what his girlfriend wants, he's not doing because he's on the same page. It sounds like she's lost respect for him because she's realizing that he has integrity to the people he is around, and those are the people he puts first. :/. Edit: I love and appreciate the effort in sound editing to have Maddie say Dancers. It makes me feel safer as a listener to know you care about not saying words with teeth.

Okaayyyy lots of singing in this episode 😆 I need Madi to rap over BBL Drizzy immediately. That would be great ! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ p.s. love yall ! 😊

cotten eye joe is actually a song about a STD

59:33 Sam she just said she wasn’t going to call the mom because that would’ve gave her a heads up to hide her daughter.

i run my own crochet shop too ! i absolutely love my crochet items , i have a market in june and im excited but i am in saskatchewan

No family courtesy in my eyes, I wasn’t her family when she broke into my house and stole not only from me but my husband. That’s no niece of mine and maybe Juvie is the reality check she needs

I mean yal killed row your boat lol so good! 😂

In the comments of the post OP said this when asked if her sister was close to the dad: “prior to the engagement she would go and spend weekends there to get off campus and visit with family. there was never an issue. she hasn’t been back since and hasn’t called or visited since the engagement. dad gives her money for food/groceries/gas/spending on a regular basis.” I find it weird that the sister is comfortable regularly visiting and accepting money from her dad but LIED to him about being engaged. Also in the post OP says that her sister is 21 and still in College so her being so young also makes it shocking as well. Not saying that I never see friends get engaged on campus but those are typically relationships that are over a year old and definitely ones that are not secret

Is that an Alcorn Sweater ?! She went to Lorman ? Hey there Alcornites 😂

You don’t even tell your sister you’re dating someone, randomly tell her you’re engaged and then proceed to lie about being engaged? That’s wild.

The ending was proof that Maddi got BARS.

Relating to what Sam said about mixed kids. Mix kids sound off in the comments; I think we can all agree that there is a difference between a mixed kid raised by a minority mom and a mixed kid raised by a white mom. I was raised by my single black mom, and I got a friend raised by a single white mom. When I tell you the difference between the way we act is night and day. Similar backgrounds financially, locational, even similar family dynamics. But if I acted the way she did my mom would taken me off the census LMAO

His friends don’t “bring him to a lower level”. That’s just who he is. That’s why they’re all friends and all do the same things. She just thinks he’s better than them and he puts up a persona for her. Or he could really just be spineless and disrespectful at the same time. Either way, it’s not worth dealing with. They don’t even like her and it’s all of them not just one. So that tells me that they don’t take her seriously because he doesn’t🤷🏽‍♀️. Like the guest said, he doesn’t like her. And he’s DEFINITELY gonna do it again. He doesn’t respect her and it’s clear that that’s what he wants to do. She can find someone better and better suited for her🫶🏽.

I love how Maddy bleeped herself saying balls and bitches but not skeet skeet 🤣

4:08 OHHH-

@49:44 awwwww Brandon!

I didn't want to work 😭 but this might be the motivation for me to do a little somethin' somethin' this little organization would be nothing without y'all let me tell you 😂

I thought Cotton Eye Joe was a Swedish song /gen

32:54 not everyone wants to get married. That doesn't mean he doesn't like her. Why should he respect her if she's his wife but not his girlfriend of 5 years? That sounds ignorant af. Is this just a how church people view relationships thing? As for the story, I see both sides but in general I think Sam and Brandon both made some good points and maybe the values of this couple just aren't matched. I totally understand the husband but wanting to miss out on multiple nights of his trip because of what his wife would say. The fomo would be so real sitting at the air bnb while everyone else was out. I get the little boy comment. But also, he should have communicated that and tried to dig into what her concern with the strip club was. Just because he went doesn't mean he's suddenly into strip clubs; he just wanted to be with his friends and that's where they were

Sam you are truly the old timer here. But I do know the show and yes it was on in the 90’s

I was chanting we hate pranks with y’all. lol I’ve warned my friends not to play with me cuz I don’t do pranks and I will cut them off for messing with me. Idc how funny you think it is. YA DONE!

I forgot about Touched By An Angel 😅 My grandma loved that show

lol Sam asking if they got him a gift

The first stroy i can relate my mother wanted me to pay bills as soon as i started working and expected me yo move with my boyfriend before i could even get my diploma in my hand. But my brothers go to do whatever when they graduated mind you in the youngest and a girl. But it got worse when my it was only me and my sibling closest in age to me. I was in college and working two jobs struggling to help her pay bills spending 200$ on ubers while my brother gets to lay up with his girlfriend he had a job and a car the whole time, meanwhile prior to this i was struggling to find a job while the water bill was in my name just building up( the didnt turn it off because of the pandemic) it was like nobody gaf especially my mom but she constantly ran to me for emotional support and to pry for money out of me. Some parents will siphon off energy from one of their child to cater to the other especially when you are a girl, you are in fact being punished for being mature and on track because he didnt know-how to parent and still doesn’t

Okay okay, how is story about the strip club (I think story 2) hard?? You set boundaries, the person lies and CROSSES those boundaries. How can we call the OP an AH for being understand WHILE standing up for themselves. I am genuinely getting so pissed off that we even have to go back and forth about this, when clearly the BF does not respect OP and his relationship. Throw the whole man away, PLEASE

I didn't think the "last check in as a family courtesy" was necessary at all. Giving her 2 days was the courtesy and you would expect that a normal parent would be panicked and in contact with you the whole time. The mom was also nonchalant enough to just ghost her the entire time? That would have been the thing that sent me. I too would get that little criminal arrested.

The story with the sister who didn't mention the boyfriend/fiance...I can relate to her. 😔

That last story is missing a lot lol!Ok I had to go back and listen to the beginning. The op is over stepping. I feel like maybe the op is close with dad and sister is close with mom. I have this dynamic in my family as well from having your parents divorce when you are very young you lose that connection sometimes with that parent. Like I am close to my dad because I was old enough to remember him in the home where my sister does not so she is not close to him and it’s a very conditional relationship.