I am a 31 yr old single mom (again) who is trying to Declutter her life as much as possible so that i can LIVE SIMPLY. I sparkle with Anxiety, ADHD, and Depression which makes things interesting!
Wow!!!! OUR STORIES are so similar... it really hit me right in the face. My abuser killed himself also. The abuse began when I was pregnant with our daughter.. Crushing!!
Im glad I see a video that mentions the gaslighting and everything. Most of my stuff was all of that and I constantly told people I'd rather be hit than mentally, emotionally, gaslit, etc The amount of times I wanted to unalive myself and even had plans in place at one point....a few times were impulses though, and im surprised I didn't (obviously) end up doing it. I hope you're doing better now!! 🥰🥰🥰
It's very fortunate that you didn't go to visit him on that last occassion because it is a statisticslly proven tragic fact that it is not safe to be accessable to someone who is suicidal if you are the significant other who they have issues with who they are trying to coercively control. DV situations that end like this usually involve the loss of more than one life.
There’s definitely a sisterhood between victims of domestic violence. I’m 64 now, but when I was 19-21, I was involved with my first husband who was emotionally and physically abusive. When my son was born, he actually said “I don’t know why you’re in pain; rats do it all the time!” I wished I’d kicked him out of there, but instead I had a very focused “love affair” with the doctor in the hospital who was helping me through my labor, lol! I stayed with this jerk for 1 1/2 years, then got the courage to leave with the clothes on my back, the stroller, and my son. We went to a battered women’s shelter. They didn’t want to take me when I had told them of my plan to leave. Said they didn’t think I was serious! So I just showed up. Many years later when my son, boyfriend, and I were at the mall, I saw him and immediately panicked and took my son into the store I had ducked into to hide. This was years later and I was having a panic attack. Never saw him after that and some years later I learned he had died. I was so relieved! I wasn’t sorry about it, either. That nightmare was finally over. My boyfriend and I got married when my son was around eight years old iirc. Still together! He adopted my son as soon as he was able. I hope you have a peaceful life now and you’ve done everything you can to teach your son how to respect women including you. I’m so glad you were strong enough to get out. ❤
Your story sounds just like the last 31 years with my husband. I'm still with him at the age of 58. I do believe that he went through something growing up. He always feels he has to prove himself. He constantly talks bad and puts other people down. I know it's because he feels that way about himself.
It's so sad that we can't get these guys into therapy before they become totally entrenched in their distinction and cruelty. I think if instead of women fleeing to shelters, men who commit domestic violence need to go for intensive therapy or go to jail. These guys often need a psych evaluation because they may have OCD, ADHD, sex addiction and substance abuse. These men have non right to torment others, but maybe if they saw how inwardly miserable they really are and how things will get worse, maybe they could start improving. As far as I know, nobody as tried Neuro feedback to try to rewire their troubled brains, but it probably would help if combined with therapy. For some, hypnosis might help. My concern is that women may leave an abusive man, but he will likely abuse someone else. It's better to figure out better therapies and combinations of spiritual programs with psych support and other therapies can help these men to stop abusing and find a real purpose to their lives. When they break laws, that's the time they need to go to Behavior Boot camp, first for 2 weeks and then twice a week. We can't afford to have a society where 20-25% of men are abusive! Probably 30 - 40% will not change, but the rest probably could benefit. Some, though, will require medication for the rest of their lives, unfortunately, but I beats having your family hate you and getting locked up for domestic violence, drugs etc.
I had an ex that would take my car keys so I made a copy and always had it in my pocket. When he realized I had another key, I told him if he uses the other set of keys and takes my car I will report it stolen and he never did that again.
A lot of this mirrors my 18 yr marriage. Newly divorced in my 60’s but enjoying my life now. I had to get an harassment order in place to leave which made it easier to start the healing process. Thank you for sharing.
I’m so sorry you went through this. I’m a DV survivor, too. My story is similar to yours. I stayed for 25 years. I have been out for 6 years, and I’m still healing. When you are in the middle of all of it, you don’t see the toxicity. Thank you for sharing your story! It’s time to educate people on Domestic Violence. People need to know that abuse isn’t always physical. The emotional trauma is real. I wish you and your son healing, and happiness! ❤
I was 13 when my mother tried to trick a gynaecologist into giving me a hysterectomy -- she didn't succeed. Four years later she tried to kill me several times and many nights I ended up on the floor while she kicked me around the floor wearing her wooden shoes. If I tried to tell people what was happening she would always convince them that I was lying. She threatened to have me committed to hospital, or children's homes because she complained that she couldn't control me. For four years she tried to bully me into committing suicide. Luckily I survived all this and got married. I thought it had all blown over. Ten years later, she got my friends and husband to destroy our marriage, by lying and trickery.
My ex used to do the exact same thing. Always said: "Where is the marks ..". Even after our divorce, I was so scared of him. No one could ever understand why I was so scared. So glad you removed yourself from him 🙏🏻
My former husband was careful not to leave bruises in casually seen locations. Ie. My face, arms etc. He broke ribs. Leaving a damaged body...he almost killed me several times. In the last attack he was choking me and said "I "m going to kill you. " I believed him. He had me pushed back against the kitchen counter. I was able to reach behind me and grabbed a steak knife. I stabbed him. He stared screaming "You killed me!" I didn't. It was a superficial wound. I escaped. Divorce and a permanent restraining order against him was granted. I am lucky to be alive.
Omg how many of us ladies share this story? I got the smothering thing…. Covering my nose and mouth to the point of almost blacking out. Fractured ribs…things thrown at the pelvic region where no bruises were visible to an outsider. How can they live with themselves? Thankfully I was not physically harmed too much while pregnant but those poor little souls feel our trauma, I know they do. I endured a lot to try to shied my children but it would have been much better to leave and rebuild. Hindsight is 20/20. Love to all❤….
I read in a 1991 study that the third leading cause of death for a psychopath is self deletion. First and second were equally red rum or accident. It’s been over a decade since I read the study, but they went onto explain that since psychopaths don’t have attachment and empathy. If they get back into a corner, they just push game over….. there are many reasons for self deletion but psychopath and borderline often do it As a disgusting last gaslight. Thank you for sharing. Your story is very similar to mine. God bless you for your bravery and sharing and I wish you the best life for you and your child and your boyfriend.
Thanks for authentically being you and sharing your journey. ❤ I also loved the special details in this video with the memories when walking through the old place. So sweet! Remember you are not alone I was moving about the same time you were and I also went through a break up as well. I am actually still in the process of unpacking and purging things so that we can fit comfortably in this small apartment. Your situation is very relatable for me. We even had car problems also! We have been on similar journey's lately sister! 😅 I am ready for things to settle down for sure!! I really loved the place we had to move out of too. I miss it. It's been an adjustment to say the least! Hope you are doing better. ❤
Good Lord this gave me flashbacks…not trying to make this about me, just wanted to say EVERYTHING you mentioned (except I was never pregnant or lived with him) is exactly what I went through as well. Then I met his parents, brother, best friend, etc. only to find out that I was the SIDE CHICK the entire time! 😳 His whole family is just so deluded and I was scared of what he’d do when I broke things off so I kept procrastinating. I finally snapped, had enough, realized he was a textbook sociopathic narcissist and let the cards fall where they may. Of course a year later he messaged me on facebook trying to charm me again…didn’t work. I’ve had my guard up ever since and don’t think I’ll ever be able to trust a man again, at least not enough for a relationship. You’re so brave for sharing your story and you’re helping others to see that they’re not alone and that they can break free. Thank you for sharing! 🩵
You will be fine sweet girl.. Cry, grieve when you need to, however, write down what you need to accomplish and work toward that. Your son is grieving also and you are his safe space. Baby steps. You will get there. Life is full of new normals.. and pray, pray... 🙏🦋🌷
It’s so interesting how God works! I’m a single mom with a 12-year-old daughter and my boyfriend of five years and I are splitting up. We live together. He’s not my daughter’s father. I haven’t been watching any videos about breakups or moving or anything like that but then I come across your video randomly yesterday the hardest day so far because it was a day when it really set in. I really appreciate you being so vulnerable and sharing something like this because it’s really helping me.
I have noticed that people who feel the need to control others, have issues, or find it impossible to control themselves. Big red flag waving in front of our faces, but if we are color blinded by love, we may as well be blind. Many people who were blind to this red flag, are no longer with us on this earth. Let this be a word to the wise. Do not fight or argue with those control freaks, you will never come out on top. Make a secret plan and slide away so they never see your escape coming. You can acquire new possessions; you can leave everything behind, just get out unscathed. Good luck, be clever, don`t tell anyone who might tell the bully on you. Be gone, you will eventually outgrow this bully. You will have a brighter future.
You get comfort in the memories not the things great you figured it out also giving items to those who really need help makes you feel like a wonderful person that you really are😊
We girls grow up with stupid ideas of princes fed into our heads and that marriage will save us, yet women survive longest alone if they can handle having to work for a living outside of a home and are emotionally strong enough and physically strong enough to do so. Stop saying or thinking "I can change him". Get your head out of the clouds and into reality. You can't change anyone except possibly yourself. If you must marry, marry someone who doesn't need changing or at least is someone that you have no issue with their issues and they don't hurt you or themselves and they have to work. Don't marry a lazy bum. You don't need a lazy bum to support, he should support you as a wife and as a mother.
Thanks for your story Libby. You are amazing at sharing. I understand why you would be disturbed by your spouse taking his own life; he must have been living through hell on earth. Remember that God loves you and allowed this to happen to you so that you could help someone else. It will all work out and in the end it is between You and God, so live the best life you can and teach your son about God. The Catholic Faith is so wholesome and answers all the questions, if you are looking for the TRUTH.
When I was young and single, I had a workmate that I helped escape an abusive relationship. I wondered, how in the world could someone allow themselves to be in this situation. Not even 6 months later I was in one. He was EXACTLY the same as what you described. They all fit the same mold. When I got pregnant is when the abuse got worse. We had 2 boys and he was very jealous of them. After 9 years, I decided to leave and I walked a few houses down to where the landlord lived and told her that I was leaving. She was shocked. She said that he was such a good guy..I showed her all my bruises and told her everything. I ran to my sisters on a day he had to be in court. It was hundreds of miles away and I was so afraid. I found out later that he was bisexual and when he was gone for days he was involved in swing clubs. I remarried and made him mad on purpose to see his temperament first. He passed. We have been married for almost 35 years. He adopted my boys and we have had a very quiet life. Emotional scars will sometimes come up, but for the most part they are healing. This last February I got a call from the Orange County Sheriff’s Office and they told me that they had found him dead. He was house sitting, he wasn’t in a relationship, and was pretty much homeless. He had been dead for a week or so. The rats and maggots were working on him. Out of respect for him being their biological father, the boys flew to California and had him cremated. They gathered any important information and documents and went home. He was finally not going to be able to hurt us anymore. We went to visit our son and his wife. In his basement he has the ashes. My ex used to kick me really hard and call me horrible names. Sooooo I walked over to the box of ashes and kicked it as hard as I could. I said “now I have the last kick”. It felt wonderful. It’s a closed chapter or nightmare. As time goes by in your life, you will start to remember the good times. The bad times will always be there, but not so vivid and not so painful. I just worry now that I’m going to wind up with dementia because of how many times he smashed my head into the hardwood floors. It was a whole different world. I know it took planning to leave. I started planning about 6 months before. I prayed every day multiple times. I said if this is the right thing to do. Please help it work out. It worked out so well. I made it to my mom’s house and my crappy car died. It needed a new battery but I didn’t have any money so she bought it for me. Then I drove for 3 more hours to make it to my sisters house. Life will get better for you….if you make better choices. 😊😉
You are doing a super job, you are stronger then you think and doing better then a lot of people. You are super woman when you need to be. I have a condo and I lived here going on 4 years and I still have not unpacked most of my house. My health has gotten worse and that’s main think. I am a procrastinator to I guess I don’t want to deal with it. My depression keeps me stuck in bed most days. My full time job now is going to doctor and test..your videos are helping me to see I’m not alone.❤🙏🏻☮️
I was with a few DV. Girl I hear you loud and clear.. that’s why I stay single now. You with a kid. Raise your kid first before you want another relationship. Can’t trust anyone these days❤🙏🏻☮️
