My name is Christian Swenson. I'm a 29-year old autistic man with interests in philosophy, art history, and all sorts of things. I made this channel to talk about the experience of autism from an autistic perspective. Autistic consciousness isn't normal consciousness. The autistic world isn't the normal world. I want to explore that world with you.
I love your channel so much! Really unique perspective and truly fascinating topics I haven’t seen anyone else talk about, plus you present the topics so well! Thank you!
My family and I are not diagnosed. But my cousin walked around her house like this for years, supposedly to be more like a princess. I used to think that's the one thing about ASD that I don't relate to, but I remember constantly tiptoeing around my house, especially on the stairs, because I hated being perceived and the noise of creaking wood. I wanted to be as silent as possible because I didn't want my parents to know where I was because they would inevitably assign me some chore or task. It did occur to me much later that it was weird that I felt a deep need to tiptoe around my own house. I could never relax around my parents... Or anyone else, for that matter.
Thank you! I appreciate you too. I’m heavily spasmodic and have been oblivious to being autistic until I couldn’t bare anymore. This is very very helpful ❤
Wow. I came here trying to understand how to massage autistic people with hypertonic bodies and got something very enriching personally and professionally which I'll be thinking about for a while yet. Thank you so much!
I get terrible headaches from my jaw tension, the thing that’s worked best for me has been lidocaine trigger point injections :-) it doesn’t last forever though
Bleuler was not describing the autism we know today. He used the term autism to describe a state of being detached from reality and living inward, with oneself, with one's own thoughts and fantasies. This state is found in schizophrenics. Therefore, Bleuler was not wrong in describing the state of autism in schizophrenics (but sharing Freud's ideas about auto eroticism are meaningless here). The mistake occurred when the term autism was borrowed from Bleuler (while describing schizophrenia) to describe cases of autism as a type of infantile schizophrenia. But actually the autistic person also lives with himself and may drown in his own thoughts, but they are not hallucinations or delusions, but rather rational thoughts, even if they are sometimes imaginary.
I'm the opposite.....my muscles are SOOOOO relaxed! that it takes a sickening amount of effort to do anything!......I have a video of me doing barbell curls, and I look like I should be able to manhandle the weight because I'm a big guy!......but the absolutely sickeningly strained expression on my face where I'm pulling with everything I've got, I look my my soul is leaving my body......and my muscles are just chillin out!! ......like they aren't even firing!!.....I workout everyday, and feel NOTHING in my muscles!.....it's all in my bones and joints!!.....I do have bigger muscles but they look sleepy!.....I have very sleepy muscles!....big but sleepy and soft! ......and if I try to sit with good posture, my heart pounds I start sweating and it becomes excruciating!......I have to slouch!.......I absolutely hate being like this!!
This is the most profound explanation of the autist's existential condition that I have ever come across, particularly @4:40 "autism is a fear of energy flow". This resonates more than I can express in words. For example, I had an extreme fear of vomiting for years. Why? Because it is one particularly unpleasant and violent manifestation of the uncontrollable free flow of energy. I could provide multiple examples of this fear of energy flow that has itself caused immense suffering in my life and has also stifled life. Beyond that, I have often felt that my battle is a battle against time, against entropy. Everything I do is an attempt to control reality with my mind against the onslaught of time - an exhausting and losing proposition. I have often felt like I am in a time warp, a time loop, a war against time. So a question: assuming there is no cure currently available for autism, what is the best "management" strategy or technique to mitigate or adapt to this tendency to fight the free flow of energy (because we can't control it)? How should an autist respond to his autism in order to ease the friction that is otherwise caused by the confrontation of his autism with the world, reality-as-we-know-it?
Damn dude, i wonder if this would mean adhd is not all i have. Ive always been rediculously tense, and i guess i just became my norm. Now if i relax an area its almost like an instant panic as if something is wrong. Its entirely subconcious and my inability to relax antagonistic muscles, has always been a real irritation. I fully relate to what you are saying about how no sensory feedback causes a feeling of discomfort and slight panic. I dont know what you would define this as, i always atteibuted it to adhd, but i feel like im 24/7 thinking 200 mile an hour, i get bored of all the stimulus around me as it just doesnt interest me enough to maintain any moderate term attention. I feel like because of this, im always questioning everything and the combo of always being hyper aware and tense anyway, plus the lack of general stimulus, starts me subconciously questioning why i feel so little, why my muscles dont feel well much at all. Theres certainly nothing wrong in the moment but i may talk myself into it and begin the process of becoming more and more tense and too aware of what im physically doing. I toe walked till the age of 12 or so. I realised whilst recording my gait that my heels really smushed into the floor, i just thought maybe my ankles were collapsing in, but now after hearing you say that, i think its because i also have no callouses on my heels at all, they are all around the foorefoot and big toe. Im guessing in normal walkers that this area becomes much harder and doesn't just smush 😆. I will say i dont mind the feeling of my heel on the floor at all, i enfact kindof enjoy it, i dont currently know exactly why ive always toe walked, but it may be an issue ive had long term in the hips.
46 years. I continue walking on tiptoe, it's my natural way of walking, I feel super light and the balance is perfect. I often walk and run barefoot in the woods, it's the natural way of doing it. No diagnosis.
I'm autistic myself, but I don't have muscle tension. In fact, I'm glad I'm built like Ving Rhames, Arnold Schwarzneggar, Mike Tyson, and Dwayne The Rock Johnson.
This is ultimately why I developed an interest in religion and spirituality - it proposes the idea of a soul or consciousness that is not defined by the physical body. Versus the purely biological view that we are our bodies.
Clothing sets off sensory issues very badly for me ... can't have shirt collars that are too close to my neck, no tags, no rough seams, no nylon, not too much polyester in a blend.....omg. when I find something that works for me i just buy several pairs 😏🤷
I'm not autistic but I started toe walking when I was a kid because heel strikes gave me headaches. The toe walk is way more springy and absorbs a lot of impact in the muscles of the legs rather than the heel. The way I toe walk is more understated than how I've seen some autistic people toe walk though. If you look at me walk, you might not even notice that I'm toe walking because my heels are low but my weight is all in the front of the foot. Anyway, I think toe walking is superior to the heel-toe walk or heel strike even in running.
Thank you so much for this, i feel so much better now after a exhausting day with a lot of overwhelming stress bcs of noises from outside (bus,metro,people) sending you a lot of hugs and positive energy ❤
I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child but it wasn't called ADHD I was coined a Slow Learner only later in my adult life (I am 50 years old) did I learn the name of the name of my slow learning condition. I do remember as a child though I would walk on my toes, I did not realize I was doing it but one of my grandmothers would notice when I would do it and she would ask "Why are you walking tippy toe" than she would point it out to my parents and ask them "Why is my grandbaby walking tippy toed like that, look" and she would point at me and tell my parents they needed to get me checked cause that isn't normal.
Hey, this was fantastic! You're right, some of these states you're describing are similar to the liberated blissfulness that meditators have sought for millennia. The "I am this body, I am this person" is the ego sense and in advanced states of consciousness of great yogis, they've realized that the thoughts of "I am this body, I am these thoughts, I am this person" will fade away in deepest meditation. The "real I" one might say is the being or pure consciousness, no self, no other. Could it be that some autistic folks have less of the "false I" ego sense than most other folks? Fascinating theory.
Honestly whenever I'm going to school I'm always sweating so much even when it's 5 degrees celsius and that's why I always avoid layers and people ask me why I'm a not wearing this or that
I’m sad. Toe walking has always been something I did regularly, and I did this into adulthood. But I had to stop because I fell and damaged my Achilles tendons, and I now can’t toe walk at all now. 😢
I am in this exact position right now and have been here before. I have been stuck in my car for 50 minutes, waiting for something to compel me to open the car door and get out.
I have an autistic son. He is 5 years old and when the winter comes he neither wants to wear winter clothes nor let me use it. He keeps asking me to remove. So I found this video. I am trying to understand. Curious to know why he doesn’t like others to wear it too.
When I was that age I insisted on going out in the snow in my T-shirt and cotton shorts, barefoot. My parents let me do it for a short time just because I was so insisting and I loved it. Of course, I had to come back in after just a few minutes because that can be dangerous, but it wasn't a bone chilling winter day- just cold enough to snow and stick. The reason I hate winter clothes is not only do I hate heat, but winter clothes are hardly ever made from natural material but some plastic fibers. They can be itchy especially on the cuffs because of the way the elastic bunches the stiff polyester and vinyl material, the waterproof fabrics make weird noises when they rub (like a textured screen) and that can be overwhelming even for others nearby to wear. The sherpa polyester fluffy fabric sticks to dry winter skin. Some materials like fleece or flannel can pill and make bumps that have to be picked off. The winter boots are heavy and trap heat. The jacket or coat zipped to the throat and the scarves feels constricting. Mittens and gloves make our hands more useless. Thick socks with seams touching the toes is uncomfortable. Also, putting on all those layers feels like a workout sometimes. Hopefully those examples are giving some insight.
