You should work on these internal beliefs (I'm saying this in a loving way). You can do this by journaling, or get exposed (if possible) to couples who have a good, healthy marriage so you brain sees something different than what you are used to at home.

I started believing in the “manifesting” thing but when I looked deeper into it it didn’t sound right w me ngl

@@mouhamed.abdalrahman likewise, as a muslim it seems to take the importance and role of Allah in our future out, in a way.

​@@mouhamed.abdalrahmanYah , I mean it started out as a trend . I guess that's what she tried explaining in the video she said doing that we're actually relying on the method rather than in Allah but on the other hand I have seen people who have got closure to Allah using Manifestation,so it's like kinda using it in a way that it's not messing up with your tawakkul on Allah.

Your mum doesn't make you second guess. That's your psychological script you're telling yourself to sabotage your success. Look. I had my mum, dad, sisters, brothers, teachers, so many people say whatever but one thing never happened. Second guessing myself. I know what I am doing, I have faith in what I do and I have invested in the specialised skills to achieve what I need to achieve. When we are children, things happen to us or for whatever reason, maybe neglect, maybe we don't get certain attention, maybe narcissitic behavour, maybe some trauma but this gets us then to create a psychological story in our mind. We design the game, the role, and this with the script in our mind gets us to behave in a certain way and when we behave in a certain way, we do so to create the predictable outcome so we can say, "see, it's my mum that makes me second guess." Or "see, I knew it would never work," or "I feel something's wrong with me," to avoid taking responsibility for our lives, our decisions and our thinking. No one can get you to feel a certain way without your permission. The environment will always exist. These people, the naysayers will always exist but it is you who must sharpen your attitude to such a state it does not affect you. That means you must have vision, you must spend a lot of time doing the work, have a coach/mentor, keep your mouth shut about yoru goals, dreams and keep it to yourself. Don't talk about these things to people you know and don't know. Keep it to yourself or you open door for other people's opinions. Stop craving for validation and acceptance and just head down and do your work. If you can then do not spend too much time with family members.

I understand your perspective and it’s certainly an empowering one. I am trying to do the work and to get to a place where I’m not as affected. It’s easier with distance, and unfortunately I live with my mom so can only distance myself so much. I’m a pretty open person so I have to go out of my way to not share as much and create some distance, and I’m not always able to keep up, because I think as humans we crave social connections. I think I’m naturally trusting and positive. I currently lack the finances to work with someone as much as I would like to, or to move out. I know I will get there inshaAllah. What you said does make sense and is empowering. It doesn’t help to have my moms negativity but I hear what you’re saying about working on the intrinsic narrative. There’s also a saying that says “the way you speak to your children becomes their inner voice” and I think that’s very true, and I’m trying hard to heal but I feel like I’m swimming against the current, I think environment makes it harder but I guess it’s not impossible.

​@@NH-hp2nnof course, environment makes it harder. When you are surronded by negativity, it's very difficult to stay positive 24/7. I understand your perspective but the other comment is right too, we have trust Allah and detach from these people's influence on our life. Set goals and work every day to reach them. May Allah help us in this mission

@@manoushb5699 Ameen. I agree. May Allah make it easy

Thank you for this, a lot of people struggle with this. From a mindset perspective, our job is to act as if the dua did get answered, and now we have to think and act in a way where I know for a fact Allah will always give me what's best for me. because If I believe that my dua to get married is answered, now you start thinking from a more "I wonder when it will happen?" feeling, you're more open and curious, and you take up the opportunities that come to you from a more relaxed feeling, because you know your dua was heard and now you focus on your main purpose. How do I want to act if I don't get what I want? So that means making peace with potentially not getting what you want, grieving it and allowing yourself to reframe it to feel what you need to feel, then getting back up and remembering why you're here. (More on this in my video "the pain of not getting what you want") because when you make peace with all outcomes you feel at ease at giving yourself the fulfillment you need in other ways, and when you're detached, it's one of the tests to see how you'll act when you don't get what you want. And that's when I see a lot of people end up getting married, because they completely submitted to wanting whatever Allah wants, not focusing on what they don't have, and also not giving up and still work towards becoming the person they want to be to have the relationship they want.

Hadiths on how to get closer to Allah The way to draw closer to Allah has been explained to us in the clearest terms by Him, may He be glorified and exalted, in His Book, and He sent to us His Prophet Muhammad (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), who did not omit anything good but he told us about it and he did not omit anything bad but he warned us against it. We will quote here just one of the beneficial and comprehensive hadiths in which the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) explained the way that will bring us closer to Allah, may He be glorified, in the most concise and clearest terms. Al-Bukhari (6502) narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Allah says: ‘Whoever takes a close friend of Mine as an enemy, I declare war on him. My slave does not draw closer to Me by anything more beloved to Me than that which I have made obligatory upon him, and My slave continues to draw closer to Me by doing nafl (supererogatory) deeds until I love him, and if I love him I will be his hearing with which he hears, his vision with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes and his foot with which he walks. If he were to ask of Me, I would surely give to him; if he were to seek refuge with Me, I would surely grant him refuge. I do not hesitate about anything that I want to do as I hesitate to take the soul of a believer, for he hates death and I hate to hurt him.” This hadith clearly and concisely highlights the way to become a close friend of Allah, may He be exalted, for the one who wants to be one of His close friends.” Al-Hafiz Ibn Rajab al-Hanbali (may Allah have mercy on him) said in Jami‘ al-‘Ulum wa’l-Hikam (2/335): “This hadith mentions that which will bring us closer to Him. The basic meaning of wilayah (close friendship) is nearness or closeness, and the basic meaning of ‘adawah (enmity) is distance or being far away. So the close friends of Allah are those who draw close to Him by means of that which brings them closer to Him.” This hadith highlights the way that brings one closer to Allah , may He be exalted. All the believer has to do is to reflect deeply upon this hadith and understand it properly, then follow that by acting upon what it says. After that, by Allah’s leave, he will be on his way to becoming a close friend of Allah, may He be exalted, and drawing closer to Him, commensurate with the deeds he does, seeking thereby the Countenance of Allah, may He be exalted, and following the Sunnah of His Messenger (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him). Explaining the content of this hadith, al-Hafiz Ibn Rajab (may Allah have mercy on him) said elsewhere in his book Jami‘ al-‘Ulum wa’l-Hikam: “His close friends who are near to Him may be divided into two categories, the first of which is those who draw near to Him by doing that which is enjoined, which includes doing obligatory duties and avoiding things which are prohibited, because all of that comes under the heading of what Allah has enjoined upon His slaves. The second category is those who draw nearer to Him, after doing obligatory duties, by doing nafl (supererogatory) deeds.” Tips on how to get closer to Allah So the Muslim must strive hard, first of all, to establish the obligatory duties that Allah has enjoined upon him, such as the five daily prayers, which are the most important of the practical obligatory duties, as well as giving zakah, fasting Ramadan , performing the pilgrimage to the Ka`bah if he is able to do so, and all the other obligatory practical duties, such as honouring one’s parents , upholding ties of kinship, fulfilling the rights of one’s wife and children, enjoining what is right and forbidding what is wrong, to the best of one’s ability, and other significant acts of worship which only draw one closer to Allah. One must also do acts of worship of the heart, such as being sincere to Allah, may He be exalted, alone, and loving Him, loving His Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) and His law, loving the believers, putting one’s trust in Allah, fearing Him, and other acts of worship of the heart that have been enjoined. He must also strive hard to fulfil the rights of Allah, may He be exalted, with regard to the second type of obligatory duty, which is the obligation to refrain from that which Allah has instructed us to refrain from. This includes refraining from zina (adultery/fornication), riba (usury, interest), alcohol, stealing, wrongdoing, backbiting, malicious gossip and other prohibited actions. If he does do any of these things, then he must hasten to repent and mend his ways. With regard to all these matters, one needs to acquire Islamic knowledge in order to worship Allah with insight and understanding. Moreover, after that the believer must do a lot of supererogatory actions, by means of which he may attain a lofty status before Allah and attain the love of Allah, may He be exalted, as mentioned above in the hadith. There are many of these supererogatory actions; the Muslim should start with the most important of them, then the next most important. The best and most significant of them is acquiring Islamic knowledge and teaching it to people. Another example is the confirmed supererogatory acts of worship, such as the regular Sunnah prayers (as-sunan ar-rawatib), qiyam al-layl (voluntary prayers at night), and Witr prayer . That also includes remembering Allah, may He be exalted, a great deal (dhikr), and doing acts of charity. One of the things that will help the Muslim to do that is to organise his time by night and day. So he should allocate time for obligatory duties and time for supererogatory deeds. He can also help himself to attain that by attending the gatherings of the righteous and good people. May Allah help us and you to do that which He loves and is pleased with. For more, please see this category: The Heart Softening And Allah knows best. Was this answer helpful? Source: Islam Q&A