I would totally understand if he wanted the majority of his assets to go to his sister so she can take care of his brother, but all of it? Not in case of their marriage failing but in case of his death? Does he suspect she'll murder him or something? It seems downright cruel to me to say to your future wife that you want her to get nothing when you die. I also think that it was Freddie's way of passively rejecting her. Especially that he continued to push her away for the rest of the season, basically.

Dr Honda, you might like Udemy. It is a website for creating master courses behind a paywall. I know you have a background in teaching and something more academically based outside of YT or your patron site might be of interest for people who want an academic lecture on certain topics. Grad level courses are difficult to find outside of intuitions. It is easy to find intro level undergrad courses online but not grad level.

Cat needs to be number one. She didn’t care that she disturbed Demi’s and Ollie’s relationship after everyone had made their decisions. Even if Cat was with Freddie and Ollie with Demi she needed to get validation from Ollie about her appearance which is selfish and immature. To me it was clear as a day she was more attracted to Ollie.

Hi Dr. honda, I have a perspective on gaslighting id like for you to try on. I figured out what's getting under my skin about how you express your frustrations about gaslighting. I was frustrated because I felt like I needed the word gaslighting for certain situations that I think you'd be splitting hairs over. So, here's the difference. You use the word as a clinician to distinguish between different types and severity of abuse, which determines how you'll treat a patient. I need the word to express when someone is starting to make me feel crazy, by denying something obvious, even when called out, and to express concern that it's going to keep going or get worse. I need to express all those thoughts at once, so I need a word for it. So for you, you need the word after the gaslighting has mostly occurred. I need the word to structure my experiences for analysis and comparison for the goal of protecting myself from gaslighting attempts. So, my proposed solution os we just encourage people to say "I feel like I'm being gaslit right now" to say "I'm starting to doubt myself, they're lying, im starting to feel crazy and I'm worried it will get worse" it's certainly a lot more concise and I would argue that the people need the word more than you do. Because you could pretty easily in your diagnosis say "patient has experienced patterns of narcissistic gaslighting" for mostly the same effect as currently. (Ofc I'm hoping for feedback, if you agree or not). I have a personal experience, I keep going back to for why I personally don't want to give up the term gaslighting is a situation where im 100% certain noone intentionally gaslit me, but I certainly felt like I was doubting my reality that could negatively impact my health under certain conditions. So, for 26 years everyone in my family and friends told me my hands looked fine and they weren't big, "oh I have big hands too, I know how you feel." But like, they can find pairs of gloves that fit the fingers, and aren't stuck buying men's gloves for everything. (I'm a woman) But, eventually I overheard someone saying "those hands are unfortunate", while looking at a picture of me and it was a massively validating experience. I could tell my hands were big, I could tell that other people didn't have the same experience. Overhearing that gave me the confidence to research a little about marfan's syndrome (no diagnosis yet) but people with marfan's syndrome have to be more careful than others because they can get collapsed lungs and a lovely thing called aortic dissections if they over exert themselves. I don't have a severe presentation of marfan's syndrome, but I have a little bit of all the symptoms and partial presentations are possible. So for me it's this very disorienting feeling where I know that people were just trying to stop me from having body image issues, but the result FEELS like gaslighting. Beyond someone saying no to the question "does this dress make my butt look big"? Because in part of the consequences and the way it's a part of my body and lasted for so long. (the better thing to do is say, 'yeah, they're big, but you wear it well," or, make it clear that you like them big hands and all). So, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. I can tell the lay usage bothers you a lot, so perhaps this will resolve the differences in a way that we can use a compromise where lay people can add "It feels like". Without impeding overly on the original definition of gaslighting. (Though I do think it's kind of funny that you have quibbles with most of the definitions I've heard you present in recent podcasts (+reruns). Best wishes!

As a woman I would feel quite disrespected if a man that proposed to me was talking about our almost sex life to my current fiance behind my back. Like wtf

I feel for him. I grew up in an abusive family and I'm really triggered by unregulated people.

Laughed so hard at 19:45 😂😂 we are there with you on that whole rant! And then the switch to the remote just got me laughing

You know I almost never comment on these things...I've never felt so heard! Dr. Honda talking about mixed race couples and family reactions really spoke to me. I've struggled with my moms comments on how hard of a life I'm choosing as a white female married to a black man and how I should never have kids because I'd be making their future lives so much harder too. I've always seen it as veiled bigotry but have dismissed by some family and friends like oh she didn't mean it that way. It's nice to be validated every once in awhile!

I can't speak to the religious angle of it all(, because i know many of these groups have like a lot of toxic positivity), but in general I feel like that there is this idea that once you make a decision, especially a more controversial one, you can't complain about it, or otherwise it's seen the you regretting said decisions or somehow wanting out. I personally find that absurd, of course if you are constantly frustrated you should really sit down and wonder if you should make any drastic changes in your life, but in general any big decision will come with pros and cons and I think you should have the right to be frustrated at the cons

I remember an incident with my ex-boyfriend 5 years ago. I had taken a lyft to my class one night (located in kind of a bad neighborhood). Got to the school, then I went to the vending machine and couldn't find my debit card. In a panic, I put my card on hold through the app. After class, I realized that I had affected my ability to get a lyft back home because there's a 24hr hold on the card. I called my boyfriend to get a ride home. He was clearly really angry with me; telling me he was in the middle of cooking and laundry etc. And basically implying that I was stupid for not knowing any better. When he picked me up the tension in the car was deafening (it felt like stonewalling until he finally broke the ice), again giving me a hard time, asking questions, truing to get me to admit something, saying he was confused that I could be that stupid and telling me im selfish for getting in the way of his other activities. I think I finally apologized for ruining his night, and he let up and apologized, validating that I obviously just didn't know. I remember initally feeling relieved that the "fight" was over but then walking into my house, replaying it all and thinking wtf? That's the first time I remember thinking, "I think he's gaslighting me." Now that was 5 years ago, so I don't know if I'm forgetting any important details. I just realise it's probably not how Dr. Honda would define gaslighting today, but sort of in that direction. I was pushed into feeling bad when really it's sad I didn't have a partner that wanted to help me.

With all do respect Humberto doesn’t understand this topic. He’s repeatedly dismissed any evidence to the contrary of his belief that Musk is a fraud as people that aren’t in the know or uninformed, but even in this video calling the Tesla Semi a lie is just factually wrong. There’s Tesla Semis on the road at this moment with with production ramping up that have 500 miles of range. People in the actual know know that Musk as an optimism bias that leads to over estimated time lines, but he has a track record of doing what he says just delayed. It’s not lying or fraud to believe it takes longer than you were expecting. This deep dive would have been much better without Humberto.

Humberto's bias against Elon saturates this entire series on the psych of musk. For example, he is factually incorrect when pointing out the alleged lies Elon said during the tesla semi. Elon first introduced the semi to the public in 2017. The event showcased a prototype of the electric truck, and initial specifications included a range of 300 to 500 miles on a full charge and a 0-60 mph time of 5 seconds without a trailer which is exactly what it can do now (do your own research). I'm not sure if Humberto is just envious of Elon but he makes himself untrustworthy with the amount of counter-factual information he's asserted so far about Elon. Watchers beware

I read Cat as wanting brownie points for stepping back, even though she knew it wasn't gonna work out anyway. She made such a big show of "I'm gonna be the bigger person" "I love Demi and want Demi to be happy" etc and I think she really badly wants to project this image of being so kind and mature when she isn't actually. And since she made such a big show of letting him go for Demi it would reflect oddly on her if word got around to the girls that actually Ollie dumped her.

bahahaha I had the exact same thought about the bracelets when I watched this episode alone before seeing this!

I wonder if this is what was going on in baby reindeer

The more I learn and see with Ben through these clips, the more unsettled I feel about him. There is just an energy that comes across from him that leaves me cold, despite all this professing of how he needed to stick up for Nicole. And especially with Nicole who has already shown not so great judgment in her partner choice? Hope they prove me wrong.

Omg is this where the effective apologies work started!!😍

Doc u would be better served if u read the book and watched last 3 seasons and then come back and start where u left off

I have been working in Drug Safety. And "AE" there means "adverse event".

If everybody has to have a flaw, I want it to be the Benaiah kind 😂

Dr Kirk, in the UK if you own a house BEFORE you marry then it stays yours as its considered a premarital asset. If Maria were to move in and pay the mortgage, then they got divorced, she would not be entitled to the house automatically. She would have to plead a case to the judge (cumbersome and expensive, likely wont get much). The only way for the house to be hers would be for Tom to add her name to the deed of the house.

No ep9? 😢

Honestly it's clear y'all aren't the ones targeted as the buying target. I agree with some comments about his crazy kids name. The part about him not realizing what most need in a truck yeah...... he's not trying to complete with the F-150 or the 4Runner. He is trying to do something totally new. Money is a thought but he isn't really aiming for the badic model point A-B vehicle drivers. He Is going for the nerds (tec people) which is cool. It's like saying Lamborghini is totally disconnected because no one needs that fast of a car at such a high cost. Or why Hummer (RIP) needed to create the H-1. That thing hurts the planet by horrible fuel economy and is built crappy. Sure.....but where are hight impaired men going to shop for a big bad vehicle? Tesla is the tec vehicle like lifted trucks and H-1's are to short men lacking in confidence.

“You haven’t shut up about it.” That was so rude. Also, Freddy’s brother has Down Syndrome and I’m pretty sure his sister would be his brothers carer if Freddy and Freddy’s parents died, so he probably wants to make sure his brother will be able to be looked after.

I was so triggered/irritated by Maria's attitude toward Tom about finances. It came across like she believed that it just goes without saying that men should pay for everything and its a disgrace for them not to. I think the unwillingness to see both sides, and the way she jumped to the conclusion that this meant Tom was taking advantage of her or something (fearing paying for "someone else's" mortgage) really bothered me. It seemed like a real unwillingness, or inability to examine her own ideas about life. It seems like it could be coming from some fear within her. Such a shame because to me, Tom seemed like he truly sees women as equals and it is very important to him to uphold that within his family. I felt so bad for him, like he was being sorely misunderstood. I wished he had stood up for himself more because Maria's assessment of him seemed unfair.

He didn’t seem super intoxicated?! I’m afraid to say he was f-ing smashed Dr Kirk 😅

The context of why Sam said that...he wanted to slut shame her.

Did you see them buying the Vegas houses? That was Meri's real personality.

I think Meri has a more confrontational personality and was quite confrontational in the past with Kody and Janelle, but their religion teaches that women should be completely subservient and non confrontational. So Kody was low key criticising Meri’s personality due to his religious biases rather than accepting it and this is what the therapist picked up on. Also why Meri is struggling and trying to be more reserved with her personality.

I have been full of existential depression and anxiety since I was 6 years old and realized that everything and everyone that I loved was going to end someday. So what was the point of existing to begin with? My parents had no idea what to do with me.

What a self-involved manchild.

I'm pretty sure in the UK, just because you're married, doesn't mean you own the house, his name is on the mortgage, so he owns it.

Good observation with Freddie. He does have a small degree of codependency (we all do) and I think him asking for the prenup was both an attempt to push her away and a means to indirectly solve the problem with their relationship. I had a very codependent ex who tried to solve my “problems” which he thought a breakup would be best without directly stated what he wanted or how he felt. And often times codependent people can indirectly punish others for not reading their mind or being “thankful” for their sacrifices that other people didn’t realize were sacrifices in the first place.

I don't get, if cat is indeed "high maintenance" and incompatible in his eyes, why is that a negativity bias, rather than simple caution prior to premature marriage? Has not so much to do with the group meetup. He might not be phrasing it properly. To me it seems he opened up in front of her friends because he is too scared to raise it with her. Not her fault, obviously, bur reasonably makes sense on his side considering his possible background. Obviously they don't fit well anyways.

This series was so interesting and gives me so much hope. Thank you for having such empathy for us and for these amazing videos ❤

😅

17:10 No his name is on the deed. From what I understand, things are different in England and basically they would have to re-mortgage his house to add her name on it. It’s super complicated. If they were to get a new house, then it’d be way easier because both of their names would be on it. Please someone correct me if I’m wrong.

I think the topic for Maria is the fact that she was asked to contribute monetarily. She is looking for a provider. It looks like she expects the husband to provide the living space for the family.

In my country the things you own before marriage stays your personal wealth also after it. So if someone buys apartment before marriage then it's just theirs apartment. Of the other person participe in paying for it, then o gues they would be entitled to part of it, but it would be for court to decide. So i gues it can be like that in UK too.

I have provoked many people to break up with me over the years 😅

19:37 I hate this episode because this portion with Janelle makes Meri look terrible and at the end of the day if you know the history (no spoilers here) then you know that Janelle was is and will always be in the wrong when it comes to her behavior and treatment of Meri

Obviously it depends where they are from but in canada the property he purchased prior to marriage would he exempt from division of assets. The only thing the othe party could be entitiled to is 50% of the increased value of the property since the marriage began. If the value stays the same in 2 years and you divorce, you owe nothing. But if you stayed married for 20 years and the property value doubled, youd owe half of the increase only so 25% of the total value of the house.

I think Freddie not knowing himself plays into how he's doing this thing of being relentlessly critical to force his partner to call it off, instead of taking the responsibility to officially end it into his hands.

6:53 don’t see any improvement in your recommended version of Freddie’s statement

The philosophy behind the cybertruck is probably the most insightful part. "The world is collapsing" "man are under attack" "freedom is under attack" so you should get this post apocalyptic car. That thing supposed to be like a tank

Hi Dr Honda, I think that Freddie talking about death and splitting of assets most likely stems from his experience as a funeral director. Working in a field like this, he most likely has frequent conversations at work about death and the impacts of death on loved ones (including financial impact). I work in oncology psych and can speak from experience that having conversations about death and end of life care on a regular basis has definitely impacted the frequency that i think about those topics outside of work. Unrelated but i’ve found your channel recently and have been loving your content! It’s so refreshing to see psych content that is both entertaining, academically enriching, and empathetic to those involved. :) thanks again!

The cybertruck demo failure wasn't "he's the worst human being ever". Twitter was the downfall. His previous Critics were often discredited. Sharing/endorsing ws stuff, the replacement theory, there's a population crises and white people need to procreate, immigrants are the enemy type of thing.. using his power and money to promote "the world is collapsing cuz free speech is under attack" "anything goes cuz free speech.." The cybertruck failure made people question his genius title

Prenups are a recent introduction in the UK. They were not legally binding. They acted as a guide and advisory for judges. So the mention of it to the average person seems unromantic and aggressive. A Freddie Fan @DrHonda here if your name isnt on the title deed if you dont count as the owner, you are basically a tenant.

Doesn't seem like anyone from the UK has weighed in yet. Google does yield results for the term "non-matrimonial asset UK" but this exemption goes away if it becomes comingled

Also, she literally laughed when he told her friends what he does for a living! I wouldn't marry her either. Where's the care, the respect?