A 32 year old proud transgender man. I have been documenting my transition with photos and videos and I finally got the courage to share them with RU-vid.
I agree with Ashton's point, women have every right and a lot of reasons to be on guard around strange men, and the deterioration of our social mechanisms mean that women are more often placed in these precarious situations. Women are barraged with weird confrontations all of the time, and as a result habitually put these protective behaviors in place as a totally valid reaction. I do however also sympathize with the retractors, in that it really isn't sufficiently appreciated how hurtful and damaging the broad stroke presumption of danger is to the societal male psyche. Even how much is impedes courtship aside, more worryingly it contributes towards men very often despising themselves when they try to approach with social ethicality at the forefront of their minds and still receive this result. As a bi trans woman I have experienced both the fearful presumption and the weird confrontations that inform it, and it seems like a cycle of pain in which one facilitates the other. The only remote solution I can pose is that both parties try to assess good faith and give grace on the condition of it. Mr. Colby is absolutely right to speak on this angle from his experience, that side of things is traumatizing and intrinsically trains that reaction. Edit: Hell, I've even given this reaction myself, sometimes overzealously. One bad creep will really mess you up and put you on heavy guard
1) saying hello is being polite, we didn't ask for your number. 2) many of the the sick men are femenists (look at the stats) or just calling themselves female now, but you don't mention them at all in your rant. 3) maybe women should be advocating for the second ammendment to stay valid. I mean if they are afraid all of the time because hollywood tells them men are bad. they could stay at home because hollywood is telling them men are bad. 4) the current democrat regime is letting into our country a lot of unchecked illegals... many of them commit crimes against women but hey "they're just looking for a better life" right? 5) lastly, don't talk to liberal women anyway. might get me tooed for saying "hello" in a packed room.
Lots of guys in the comments here talking like women are inscrutable otherworldly beings. I get that some of you may be autistic and struggle to read facial expressions and body language, which I totally respect, but it's not that difficult. When uncomfortable a woman will pull away or try to end the conversation. That is what OP means by "read the room" and "read body language" and "come correct". It's not rocket science. If you take that as a signal to pursue her harder, or you feel entitled to her time, that's shitty! Don't do that! And if you're wondering why women don't just _say_ when they're uncomfortable, it's because they're conditioned to let men down gently or say "no" without saying "no", because if women tell men directly to leave them alone, that is liable to get them murdered or something else. (The US has a femicide rate of 2.2 per 100,000 women, which is one of the highest among developed countries. S3xu4l 4ss4ult? 40 per 100,000 people. And yes, while this is an issue that affects men too, the majority of those are women.) If you meet a strange woman and just start talking to her, particularly in an enclosed space, you may very well perceive that as an attempt at friendly interaction. She will likely perceive that as "I'm trapped in a box with this guy, if I say the wrong thing, will he kill me or worse?" That is the reality facing a lot of women. The statistics don't lie. What's more, women can tell when you are talking to them because you just want to have sex with them. They can tell when you see them as nothing more than a puzzle piece to complete your life, rather than a human being capable of independent thought. That's what empathy is. Talk to women and befriend them as you would a man first. If romance is gonna happen, it'll happen once that trust is built. And remember, almost no healthy romances ever come from one-night stands in bars. You have to put the work in to a relationship and a lot of men don't want to do that because they feel entitled to it.
If you have to say how virtuous you are, you're probably the problem Please start paying attention to when men are uncomfortable too, they probably don't want your opinion. Women might not either, because no matter what you want they'll see you as a "cis white male"
Thing is, one, reading body language basically never works for men. Two, the respectful ones aren't going to rely on that because that isn't safe. Three, the disrespectful or creepy ones are always going to be disrespectful and creepy. All the men that want women to feel safe have heard this advice before and have basically stopped talking to them almost entirely. The creepy guys or the guys that are 'alpha' and 'players' don't think it applies to them and continue to make people uncomfortable because they don't care. All the respectful men have basically heard the message that 99% of women don't want you talking to them randomly in public. So you basically only have the weirdos and cocky playboys left who make a move in public. It's a very odd state of affairs. Sorry to say that all of the people who you probably want to hear this isn't likely to.
You will never be a man, nor fully understand what it's like. To think that you suddenly "understand" all men because you pretend to be one is insulting and ridiculous.
Women's default thought when I talk to them is that I'm creepy? How insulting. Well my thought when people don't talk to me is that they're rude, which makes me feel dejected. Why am I the one who needs to be "empathetic"?
Hi! I don’t think that’s the case at all. Most women don’t default to thinking men are creepy, I think it’s just safer to be cautious. Even though I live in a safe country I know people who have had awful experiences. Nothing personal at all! There are many instances when being cordial is welcome. Empathy goes a long way, I don’t think anyone can ever have too much. Hope this helps welcome a new perspective :)
Historically women face violence for behavior deemed by men as 'displeasing.' Like getting attacked on the way to your car after not giving someone your phone number. Maybe you aren't bringing any bad intentions, but self-preservation puts the ladies into a high-stress response. It isn't your fault that history has set this precedent. You can be part of the movement to break this pattern. One of the first steps is to bring a little more conscientiousness to the table. If you want actionable advice, watch some videos on body language that indicates someone is stressed out. Use that information the next time you go out to intervene when you see another guy not getting the message that he's stressing ladies out by distracting him so they can exit the scene. It won't get you laid that night, but you're helping restore faith in men and if you can learn to see women as humans who exist beyond your need for validation, you have a shot at developing healthy relationships. Start with friendships with women because they're going to be the best wingmen for you in the long run.
Bro clearly did not watch this video before commenting🫢🫢. How the HELL are you going to say that a man with that much of a BEARD, a very thick MUSTACHE, a substantially baritone voice, and a broad build is even remotely feminine😭😭❓ It just seems like you’re projecting at this point because if this “delusion training” is the reason why you’re saying such foolish crap like that?, then maybe that term is really living up to its name because you are full of delusion😬😬
This is terrible advice. And it can't help but be terrible advice, because you are explicitly not suggesting what is in the best interest of the people you're giving the advice to. Advice to women: "Stop worrying about what men think and do what's best for you." Advice to men: "Stop doing what's best for you and start worrying about what women think." And the worst part is that you'll rationalize a way to not see it, even though I just pointed directly at it and spelled it out for you.
The problem is, men have traditionally not worried about what women think. And women have worried too much about what men think--as in, we will keep talking to men when we're stressed or scared because we don't want to be rude. Whereas the men think it's their right to inflict themselves on women. "What's best for you" for men has far too often been forcing themselves in where they aren't wanted. What Colby is actually saying is, pay attention to what the person you're talking to is feeling and back off if she doesn't want you there. Not bad advice at all.
@@taste_is_sweet - First, regardless of what happened "traditionally", the world is very different now. What might have needed saying when women were the property of their fathers until they got married and became the property of their husbands doesn't necessarily still need saying in a modern context. Second, "A close mouth don't get fed", and, "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take". The only way to get what you want is to ask for it and persue it. If that means making other people uncomfortable sometimes, then that's what it means. So, again, it is bad advice. Because it is advice for how to not get what you want. And not getting what they want is typically understood to be a bad outcome for the person you are giving advice to... Unless that thing is bad for them, and I'm betting you aren't saying romantic relationships with women are bad for men.
Other commenters have said this here, but I'll add my two cents; as your average, every-day sort of guy, I get the direction you're going in, but a lot of this just sounds like mumbo-jumbo.
It isn't mumbo jumbo at all. You just don't know how to listen. He's saying "Don't enter a conversation with a woman you don't know with the expectation of sex or a romantic relationship, or even just validation about your own attractiveness to women, particularly when you're in an enclosed space she can't easily escape from." It's really not that hard and it's very telling that a lot of men are struggling with this! I'M a man and I'm saying this!
Just telling us to empathize doesn’t really help. I want to empathize and I don’t want to weird out women but I don’t understand how to read them. Just telling us to “read the room” does nothing if we are unable to do so
Have you tried...talking to them? Like, if you predicate all your conversations with women on the idea that women are _inherently_ different in the way they think and feel from men, like they're impossible to "read", you're going to find women are weirded out by you. I'm friends with a lot of women and they're just people. Also, avoid seeing every casual conversation as an "in" to something romantic or sexual. There's this pervasive idea that a man who is friends with a woman or several women is a sad, friendzoned beta who gets the scraps while the real alphas get to have all the fun, but like...I genuinely like being friends with women? If you enjoy having a friendship with a woman you'll find that relationships come a lot more naturally.
@@hotelmario510Yes, I have. A large portion of my friends are female. That doesn’t change the fact that I find them hard to read. Men tend to have a much lower emotional intelligence than women and that predisposes us to have a harder time understanding them unless they communicate bluntly.
@@trevorarchie8515 some of the most emotionally intelligent people whom I know are dudes and some of the women who I know are of moderate emotional intelligence had to learn it, they weren't born emotionally intelligent. It takes time and effort, but in the long run developing emotional intelligence will benefit you and your loved ones.
@@keithreynolds8119 This is true. However, the fact remains that it is typically harder for men to learn and they are far less likely to learn if they aren’t given opportunities to learn because women shun them
Well, you're female. Your brain is still female, no matter how much you try to warp your body into something it doesn't want to be. You still think like a female. Oh, and also, usage of 'emotional intelligence' shows that unfortunately you'll never be a man.
The problem with this advice/observation is that none of it is actionable. Most cisgender men don’t know what any of those phrases mean. “Come correct”, “understand the room”, “feel validated”. All of this requires more explanation in a nuts and bolts kind of way.
In my experience, there are Cismen who, having been on the receiving end of abuse, narcissistic or otherwise, do bring a certain level of conscientiousness because they've been on the receiving end of 'apespit' and do not wish such things on another living being.
It is actionable, my guy. What are you talking about? All he is saying is don't be weird and recognise when a woman doesn't want to talk to you. Don't approach strange women and corner them. Don't attempt to pursue a woman who clearly isn't into you. Be genuinely friendly to women but try to imagine how she perceives an interaction with you as a potential threat. _Empathise._ I feel like I'm going crazy here, none of what he says is difficult to parse in the slightest. It seems that lot of men here just don't want to hear what he's saying because they jump to saying "Oh, so I'm bad no matter what I do?" when in fact all you're being asked to do is understand that women often feel threatened by men and even if you have good intentions, women are conditioned to see an unsolicited approach as something that might get them killed. Just be respectful! It's not hard!
I think I get it. Guys are, more often than not, badly aquainted with their own emotional states, and that inability lies at the root of not just their failure to connect with women but people in general, I think. In other words, if you want to be able to communicate with other people, you need to know how to do it with yourself. Example: you're in an enclosed space with someone else and all of a sudden you're feeling a sense of discomfort. Can you name the emotions you're feeling? Are you able to tell if the discomfort is yours or if it's coming from the other person? Just listen to what your emotions are telling you and don't squash them or regard them as something you need to fight in order to be 'strong' or sth like that 😅 There's really no step by step formula, just stick to the basics I mentioned and you will get better at it. Sorry if any of this sounds presumptuous, I'm just trying to help! ❤
I dont understand you were pretty as a girl i wouldnt bully you but friends wouldnt be also possibel. I know in Amerika there are ppl supporting this and ppl talk about what is happening around them in eastern europe we have almost nothing to talk about no influence from outside your mind wish you luck
Thank you for sharing your story, Ashton <3 I percieve you as an incredibly courageous, wise and beautiful soul, and a big YES to practice forgiveness, compassion and self healing. Embracing grief, and choose to see the hurt and pain from a higher perspective. Not bypassing the suffering, simply include a more powerful non-dualistic perspective to the experience. That really resonates with me. I also appreciate what you share about holding the complexity of loving the body, and loving the part of self that desires to evolve and change the body. As you mention, that requires an expanded, higher evolved consciousness to hold, and I admire how you have lived through it all, and how you shine and stand strong and grounded in yourself today. I also resonate with the "fuck you" from the heart ;D Yeah, stay out! I still want the best for you, and I´m self-lovingly protecting my mental and emotional boundaries through my divine anger <3 So important not to harm, but not allow others to harm self either. Healthy boundaries, hell yeah ^^ Much love to you, thank you for being open and sharing with us!
@@AshtonColby Thank you, Ashton 🦁 I feel recieved with your response, and I appreciate your presence in the world ✨🌟🌎🌟✨ Grounded, solid and heartcentered FTM brotherhood ❤️🦁💚
Heey, nice to see you again! I 100% agree, this is something I worked on internalizing before I went forward with the medical transition. Truly one of the best advice to give to others. Thank you for talking about it.
Yes being a good person is all that matters . Anti trans people just don't CARE. People need to CARE for us more. The 41% suicide rate has to STOP. Please Jesus do something and stop this tragic unnecessary loss of human life. It just makes me so sad. I am trans and Christian too. God bless you. You are trying to help. Marisa
Even as queer too. That’s what they bully and ostracize us so much then use the narrative that we are emotionally unstable and violent or angry. They make it hell on earth because they don’t want us to exist. Instead of just giving us human rights and leave us alone
Exactly! Never regret becoming who you are and feeling good inside your body. Ever. That’s one of the most empowering things a person can do for themselves. My family is not so supportive either and my own mother has said terrible things to me. Just always have to remember that we’re the ones who live with ourselves inside ourselves everyday. We’re doing this for us!!
I just recently had intense extremely painful Kundalini awaking in Dec 28th going 2024. I just discovered I’m no longer the woman I thought I was in this body. The woman I thought I was had a horrific and painful death. My authentic self tells me now that I am anime girl soul. I have no choice to identify against my that I am a Anime Magical Teen Girl Goddess. Because of the chronic pain and suffering that triggers my severe stomach cramps fighting my true feelings to become a Anime Magical Teen Girl Goddess is too much emotionally and physically painfully draining for me anymore. If I run from this, push it away, deny and oppress it, the chronic pain so severe that it causes severe stomach attacks on me. On the other side of the token the intense drive to be a true anime girl, I have a need to dissociate out of my body and going into a dark void in order to avoid emotional overload with the feelings. This feels like a living hell and a nightmare that I can’t awaken from. I know this sounds crazy to a lot of people, but some people whatever reason can be born from other universes and multi-verses. It happens to be that the Multiverse I’m from my past life or something else according to my internal deepest self authentic self is telling me my past life or other events. I can’t remember from 1989 when I got a high school was given up my own bedroom in my furnished basement when I thought life was good and everything normal. Around 89 synchronicities started following me based on anime and anime girls. I had no idea what enemy was and I wasn’t looking for it. One day it found me it picked me or chosen me. It got my attention to the point where I had to suddenly start watching anime about anime girls I had no idea why. over the years the feelings would get stronger to the point that I started to fantasize about being an anime girl, and being in the anime multiverse. I was able to control this and make these go away. I thought they were just normal cosplay feelings. And since I’ve had this awakening, that’s when I could no longer control these feelings and emotions. I need help on how to spiritually come to terms with this, because as long as it’s struggling with this, this could drive me to suicide or worse, and I can’t find true happiness until I come to terms with this. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Ashton, thank you for this! I came looking for a guided meditation to help a young client who is at the start of their transition journey and experiencing dysphoria. This is perfect and something I can suggest that will hopefully start some self-love and self-acceptance. Thank you and please know how valuable resources like these are!
You are possessed by a demon. May the love of your creator shine upon you and chase out the darkness that is trying to destroy you. In Jesus name, Amen.
