I’m so glad I found this channel . I was adopted by white parents in 1979 from el Salvador . As a 46 yr old adult I find my self struggling with SOMETHING. My relationship with my parents as an adult isn’t the best . I feel like I have alot of internal struggles and your videos are so eye opening and I’m so glad you are talking about adoption. I can so relate.
I love this conversation. I am mom to two beautiful full biological brothers that we adopted at birth. They are 11 months apart and currently ages 3 annd 4. I hope someday that my boys feel the same way about me that you and Sam do about your moms. I appreciate your perspective and can't wait to listen to more of your podcasts!
I'm happy that for the first time after the hundreds of videos I've watched trying to listen adoptees experiences someone said that leaving a baby is NOT an act of love. I feel tired of listening this. How come leaving your baby is considered an act of love?! It sounds to me as giving an excuse to the act of leaving the child instead of trying to fight for him. Then you see tons of comments saying that she's a hero for leaving the baby. Also many adoptive parents raise the children with the belief that they have to love the birth mum and to be thankful to her because of the great act of love she did by leaving him. As for me this is harmful. Love is fighting for your child and trying to overcome any difficulties you have.
What I want freedom of with my adopted parents is that I come from a birth family that is bilingual speaking German and English…I speak and hate speaking English and I self taught myself my second language Japanese which as an bilingual adult adoptee I feel like English is my worst language yet living with my elderly adopted parent I was told to speak English and not Japanese at home😢 That just breaks my brains heart…
As someone who was adopted by a same race black family in a closed adoption….it’s not easier…just different. I still lacked my identify…just simply grew up rooted in the culture.
You're all told to sit down and be quiet because you are ALWAYS speaking very badly of your adoptive parents even if they were rich, nice, loving and never abused you and ALWAYS well about your birth parents, even if those birth parents were drug dealers, drug abusers, starved you, beat you and SAed you. This is why people HATE you guys.
Just discovered I was adopted contacted New York State vital records told 80 Days or 3 months Max to get my pre-adoption birth certificate. I asked her could I come to New York and get my birth certificate by an appointment that day... she was no and its just 80 days 😮 how freaking rude I've waited my whole life why should I have to wait 80 more days when you can just punch print! it was so rude cold and so disheartening. I said to her well I guess to you it's nothing because apparently you know who the hell your parents are and I hung up in her face.
As adoptive parents, what can you really do. I feel like dam if you do, dam if you don’t. I understand the trauma. But is it fair to fight adoptive parents who only want the best for the children. Should I just give up on them💁🏾♀️ Sometimes I don’t what to do to help them through. Love is not enough.
11:07 she makes so much sense. I feel so sad on my birthday and often seek to be alone. My birth date is a trauma for me. I aim to change that. This year turning 60 I will spend it either my biological family for the very first time. 4 siblings, partners, nieces, nephews and my bio parents.
Thanks to you, Angela, and to your guest, Tori, for an illuminating discussion. I learned a lot. You both have already accomplished a lot, and I wish you well in bringing awareness to adoption in general and as it affects transracial adoptions. Our society's ills will never be healed until we treat each other as individuals who possess tremendous capacity. Good, good work, sez this old grandma.
We all come from the same original pair. There is one race- The HUMAN race- why should we be divided? ( Acts 10:34-35) And this overthinking has to STOP!
I'm glad i was adopted as the alternative would have been much worse. My birth mother couldn't keep me, so it would have been children's homes or fostering which would have probably finished me off. I was a relatively happy child but had some deep darkness inside from all the unanswered questions i had. It's very isolating having no-one around that you're genetically connected with. My adopted parents were great but i really don't think they had a clue on what depths of emotion i had at times. They also had 2 of their own children, which despite their best attempts, were definitely favoured. I just wanted to be normal, not the 'adopted' show cased child. I needed a lot more information on why i was adopted and photos to see where i came from. It's the mystery of it that is so mind consuming. I have met my birth mother and got most of my answers. We get on well but the bond is not as strong as with my mum that brought me up. I feel awkward all round really but they all seem to handle it quite well.
Have you ever thought of having a conversation with an adoptee who was adopted at an older age? Particularly someone who doesn't most (10+ years) of their formative life and childhood in foster care. It seems like most, at least all of your guests in the RU-vid videos, all got adopted as babies. I wonder how the would feel with words like rescue and abandonment, and if the former would be more of a positive experience instead of an ambiguous and/or negative one of they were adopted when they were older -5+ years old/teens?
New subscriber here. I've been on a journey thinking about adopting out of foster care myself; and you're videos have given me so much food for thought. Thank for posting them. Please keep on doing so.
Thank you so much Angela I just started your book “you should be grateful “ and it’s very very validating. There’s so much misinformation I was fed as a small child in my white family, “we don’t see color” “ I’m lucky and being ungrateful” were very very common themes. Thank you for all that you do.
I am a biracial transracial adoptee studying social work and wanting to get into research on transracial adoptees. I was adopted by a prominent family in Springfield IL in the late 90s. My adoptive mother was a social worker and my father worked directly with the Governor. My adoption was plastered across the front of the Chicago Sun-Times and the Tribune and my parents helped pass legislation shortening the time birth parents have before rights are terminated. Obviously this boosted their professional careers and my macro practicing adoptive mother who had major biases was appointed deputy director of the Illinois department of children and family services. Growing up, I was told this was cool and a good thing. I was told I was saved from this horrible situation which I later questioned when I met my birth family. I was the only one of my mother's children to be adopted into a non family home and always wondered why me if all of my siblings are a year or less apart? I never knew how to express myself and I was scared to speak against these supposed saviors. My adoptive parents tried to teach me about black history and visiting all of the museums but the narrative they were forcing on me was that white is better. They changed my name because it sounded black, when I would use slang i was "talking black" and when Obama was running for president my adoptive mom started calling me "Obama black".. it feels so good to hear other adoptees talk about this. I didn't make these connections until much later and am trying to teach my adoptive about her participation in my oppression which is too engrained into her narrative to change.
I loved hearing all of these adoptee voices. Thank you so much. I had to tell my Mom that I didn’t want a card from her anymore on my arrival day. Because I didn’t share the same joy that she did. I had to gently inform her that that was also the day that I forever lost my connection to my Mother and country. She hasn’t sent a card since or mentioned it. I also had to bring up that my biological mother suffered a loss, while she gained. And that she should recognize her and be thankful to her as well. She did. And that was probably only time she spoke of my biological mother into existence other than telling me she couldn’t afford to raise me. Such simplistic narratives we’re left with.
@6:02 very true. They only want the quiet, voiceless child. Once the child turns into an adult, their voice becomes a threat. SMH That's unfair to adoptees
For some reason, at 56, after writing extensively about it, searching for and integrating family, these issues around transracial adoption are very painful alive again. I almost cannot listen to this. It feels too close and so incredible fundamental and unreconcilable because the socially just cannot make room for the truths we carry.
Wow how insightful. After watching this video, I have decided not to adopt anymore. I have been doing tons of research but this is it for me. If sounds like it's almost a crime taking care of someone's child. Thanks foe sharing
Everyone has a right to their blood history and their heritage. Hiding this or obscuring this information from adopted people is a human rights violation, in my opinion. .
Why not SPONSOR a birth mom or birth family..so that they can keep and raise their own children? Why treat the child like a wanted commodotity? Why not want the mom too?Why not take in AMD adopt the mom AND her child or children..adopt them BOTH..as a unit? This is a new idea..not foster care..not baby adoption .but adoption of the birth mom AND her child..BOTH.?? Why not?
As a birth mother who gave my 3rd child up for adoption at birth, I never thought about this side of the issue. My birth son won't speak to me. It's just something I have to accept. I wish him the absolute best of everything and I will die dealing with my own broken heart. 💔
You always give me hope. I can't wait for my grandson to look for us (his biological family). We fought so much to adopt him, but the State had promised a child to this couple who now are divorced and in poverty. We hope one day he can come "home" where he belongs.
He is a phenomenal man and human being and Angela is very condescending and trying to make a negative issue for this self assured man. Angela appears most insecure about who she is . The bigger issue is your life’s soul journey not the limitations of genetics . Angela obviously had white adoptive parents!
Wow Angela, your commentary is so profound and hits the nail on the head. Our thoughts are so complex and definitely not easy to understand, and it is really heartbreaking that so many do not want to hear what we have to say and are uncomfortable when we say it. And the last thing we want to do is make anyone uncomfortable, and so many of use choose silence. Thank you for all you do.
Thank you for voicing the view of adoptees. Extremely well done! In a similar way, we have interviewed International and Transethnic Adoptees, originally from Korea, adopted in various countries and now living in the UK. The documentary series aims at recording the lives of the adoptees, the lessons learned as well as resilience techniques to overcome barriers. It is a documentary series produced by adoptees, primarily aimed for adoptees and their community. It can also be useful as a primary source of information for researchers, decision makers, policy-makers, social services, as well as adoptive parents (current and future), and future generations of adoptees. Here is the link: www.youtube.com/@AdopteeLegacy/featured
This is so incredible as a kid who grew up in the system. My mom had her rights terminated. I never got adopted because I was 11 going into the system. Went through over 50 placements foster homes, group homes, crisis units. Never was able to rebuild that bond with my mom. I am 31 now and have no family except my sister thank god. But it sucks. That termination of parental rights broke all familial bonds and now i am 31 with no family i have a 7 year old son. He is all the love and family i could ask for. But before him spending thanksgiving and Christmas completely alone was the norm and it was normal to me so it wasnt too hard. But thinking back it is sad what cps did. I will have lifelong cptsd and i keep my guard up high. I always say dont let people close enough to hurt you. The abandonment feeling is real. I am doing quite well though compared to alot of kids i grew up with in the system.
I've reached a stage in my life, I'm 70 where I don't need their validation or approval or insults they've got to live with their tiny little minds. My attitude is ,"Fuck 'em" they can go to hell.
It was very emotional for me to hear what adoptees are saying because this is what my grandson will say in a few years. He is Brazilian/American adopted by a Mexican couple who is now divorced and living in poverty. The social workers gave him away because they said that as a grandmother I had no rights and because they had promised "a baby" to this woman who could not have kids.
