Thank you for these videos man, they really resonate with me. I'm 26, go to therapy, dealt with similar stuff to yourself. Spent much too much time hiding away playing video games but I'm trying to make changes too. Just wanted to say that these videos over the past month have helped me, even if its just because I know there's other people out there like myself and you manage to make it feel like it not such a big deal.
Second order observation I think is the word for this Climb a mountain and tell no one is a cliche idiom that has some merit for this and is easy to repeat to myself Enjoying this channel
i fully understand what you’re getting at. a couple months ago now i realized that i had been doing a lot of things in life for the sake of sharing the experience rather than for the experience itself, and have been trying to focus on stuff that im interested in doing rather than sharing. i believe my life has improved overall since, so i hope yours does too!
this is a great video. this is the same realization i had about myself a few years ago and have been living a much more fulfilling life having made the changes that you say you want to make for yourself in this video ever since. just randomly found this video but you seem like a much more introspective person than most and i hope that thoughtfulness continues to lead you towards true fulfillment in yourself and your life :)
sorry for this messed up text: english isnt my first language. i dont want to actively disagree with your conclusions (because they are not that extreme anyway) but to point out that ive got an impression that you have some sort of contradiction between your individuality and societal influence. in a way as if personality is some sort of secret name, that loses its power if exposed. i would say, that mans existential goal is to fulfil a role, which is chosen by himself. and a role is somewhat pointless without a story and other characters, or it is rather bland and underwhelming in a grand scheme of things. in extreme cases it can be viewed as a selfishness and a sin in a sense of a false in life, if it was a song, or, again, an act. so it was just a thought that i wanted to share. and i kind of aprecciate your oversharing in this video. it feels fresh to view something which isnt made as a product on RU-vid. makes me feel less lonely on this platform. peace
i get where youre coming from. as an artist its really really hard not to share something cool youve made, like every time i finish an illustration i post it on all my socials and then get less than even 5 likes at this point. yeah that sucks, but i enjoy art a lot so i keep doing it, the same way ive been doing it for the past like 10 years. theres not much stuff or moments i keep to myself, when i finish art, i post it, when i do something cool or weird or funny in game, i clip it, and if i dont, i kick myself for it. keeping stuff to yourself could be good, but at least in my case i want to engage a conversation based on the thing i did. like doing the hotline miami full combo supercut? yeah, 2 months, making me learn the game in and out, doing stuff people didnt think is possible, etc.. having trouble in dmc? just ask someone about it and go from there. if i kept more stuff to myself i feel i wouldnt be where i am now
I do see some value in sampling a hobby even if it's based on thinking someone else will enjoy it, as long as you don't glue yourself to it for the sake of someone who doesn't even understand what you're doing really. I feel like a lot of people are guilty of oversharing or even just sharing their own little moments, anyone could sit around for hours figuring out why, there'll be a million reasons. For better or for worse I think society right now is media soaked. We most all have access to a thousand odd movies at any moment, not to mention with social media, where you get the internet points in the form of likes for the most part just for sharing something that has happened to you. We've grown the instinct of wanting to make sure someone knows that it's happened so it feels real. I'm not the type to say all technology is bad, I love technology and how it has grown, but if driving a car meant there was a 70% chance of crashing it I wouldn't be happy about that bit either
i get your point but life is good when shared with other people. there are moments that i really enjoy life alone, but it's always better with someone to share your thoughts with.
I totally agree with a lot of what you said in this video, man. When people at work tell me about bad shit happening to them in there lives its just like "what... do i even say that could make them feel better?" But there's nothing i could say. Im a naive young adult with no life experience. Or maybe im just numbed to it. Time will tell.
What you have sir is what the media calls "Toxic Masculinity" but what experienced people, and those with any amount of sense call "Critical Thinking Skills" Empathy isn't just about feeling sad for someone else's misfortune, its the overall ability to understand other people, which isn't infallible. Empathy still has to be earned to a degree and sometimes people do things that just don't make sense. With the example of the friend getting robbed in the bad part of town, the part where the empathy gland turns off is when they acknowledge they went into the bad part of town. If they were lost or were unfamiliar with the area you'd probably be more inclined to feel bad about his situation because it was pretty much unavoidable. But with the story given as is, it sounds like your friend made the conscious decision to go the bad part of town, which would rightfully cause people to ask "why would you do that?" Modern society has guilt tripped people to feel empathy for everyone's misfortune regardless of the details of the circumstance, and try to shame you for not just taking every story at face value. The fact that you're even reflecting on this at all means that you have an inquisitive mind, and there's nothing bad about that.
i used to have this issue too tbh but what helped me get out of it a lot was focusing more on being supportive in the moment - brush aside wanting to 'fix', focus on how the person you're talking to is feeling. if theyre down, help do something to cheer them up. make sure theyre doing okay after, offer them going out to eat to take their mind off it, etc. being there for them matters much more than 'fixing' the problem/possibility of the problem happening. it does take some practice to shift ur mindset into this viewpoint, but it does help a lot. sometimes the best we can do for someone is just being there for them
It's a scary feeling. When you watch someone (or a pet) passing, and you feel yourself distancing without trying to. It hurts to watch them suffering, but you don't actually "feel" it until they're really gone. Instead, there is this sinking, suffocating feeling that's so unbearable that in the back of your mind you think, "maybe it'd be better if they just go now" and then comes the guilt whether mental or emotional. "I shouldn't think that way." "that's terrible of me." or even, "Maybe if I wait long enough they'll get better." and there is this big chasm between yourself, and someone who you were so close to. You slowly begin to not recognize them. Like they're different somehow than the one you knew. And then, after that mental roller-coaster, for who knows how long - they're just gone. Either you feel everything. Or nothing, maybe because your brain knows you can't afford to. Afterwards, there's these thought like, "If I didn't make them suffer and put them down." or "I should have been there with them more." Regret after regret after regret. The idea that you could do this exact thing again, go through all this, and make the same mistake becomes this festering thing at the back of your mind. On top of the worry you'll not be able to handle it the next time (even though you probably will). I feel like this feeling is important, as weird as that sounds. Regrets like this will hopefully remind me to cherish the final moments next time. I miss the times my Kitty and I spent together all the time, but I'm relieved she's not suffering and having to put up with my guilt-ridden cold shoulder anymore.
Yeah, isn't it hard to see past a narrow view of another person's situation in real life? Like those rear view mirrors but without the warning, "Things are closer than they appear." You end up missing details, cause they aren't fictional characters whose entire life you are privy to. Real people's problems don't feel real sometimes, for some reason. Unless it's someone in the news, who I've never met. Guess because there is a sense of distance and the factual information is bluntly delivered, instead of someone dramatically (even if validly) panicking about something in-person, that you have a hard time visualizing happening to you. Also, those ego thoughts pop up like, "Well, *I* would NEVER end up in that situation." and while that is likely true, It's easy to forget everyone is imperfect and anyone could get unlucky or miss something and end up in a situation whether inside or OUTSIDE their control. A certain kind of perfectionism as well, where you cannot empathize with another person - or express it, due to all these idealized expectations placed on yourself. Then, mentally beating yourself up when you actually DO end up in a bad situation, outside of your control or not. Perfectionist's self-shame feels more real than a problem someone else is going through. It's a very human experience. (My past experience anyways)
There is a reason they call them the suicide squad just hope your friend doesn’t become a mass attacker like that one who ended those little kids in the school
Yeah this feeling sucks. It's like no matter what you do, there is always this strangle hold on what you MIGHT feel in the situation, "If I was more open," "If I was more vulnerable," "If I understood something better" It feels like I am wasting something important or "not appreciative enough" What's starting to help me is three things: 1. Not placing every little "happy" experience on a pedestal 2. Asking myself how I felt about something after the fact, and accepting whatever that feeling was, even if it's not the one I wanted and realizing that I can experience a good moment, while also not force myself to "match" that experience emotionally at the same time 3. Trying to think of myself as another person (not literally) and what I would do if that person came up to me with the problems and guilt over past mistakes I am having. I find that most of the time, using this method, a lot of the "mistakes" aren't even a big deal, and the ones that are, can be forgiven at some point. It takes time to learn to cut yourself some slack, and I'm still working on it too And hey, if all else fails, I hear journaling helps lol
That mental labeling thing is something I've noticed too. Don't really know if it is inherently a man thing though. Sometimes I wonder if most people see other people as people, or just categorizations. I imagine women or non-binary people might do this too with certain groups. Like how people will have a "Friend" vs a "Best Friend" vs a "Childhood Friend" vs an "acquaintance" vs a "stranger" vs an "enemy" Is it a gender thing, or some other sub-type of the population that does this? I don't know. Maybe it gets harder with the type of category of person that aligns with our sexuality. Who knows why we tend to do stuff like this as a species
One of the few videos in a while that I felt completely absorbed in what was being said. Could really feel the genuine-ity (? is that a real word, who knows) It's hard being kind sometimes when it seems so normalized to be the opposite. Good on you for trying bro (hope this doesn't sound patronizing, not my intention), the world needs more of that; Me as well. Even if nothing might come of it, isn't trying half the point? I'm thinking of putting in more effort too - This inspired me
This is so me. I've been trying my whole life to fix this. I think taking omega 3's has helped me. I can now appreciate even small things in life. I still dislike holidays but that's more because I know how it's influenced by greedy corporations. You deserve more subscribers, you're good at speaking on deep topics.
being vulnerable really is a terrible feeling for men. and that SUCKS! it's a social construct that men should not show emotions, and that goes totally against our human nature since we are social beings. keep the friends that you love close to you guys.
yeah, i think we just genuinelydont notice the accomplishment its always be bigger and better. I'm trying to journal to give myself time to notice the accomplishment, even if it doesn't fix the whole problem, it gives me time to notice they are happening.
Being kind and nice has differences too. Either way, your friend group seems to be the one that lacks sincerity; making ya seem crazy for caring. I hope you’ll one day find vulnerability not be so cringe. It be making the human experience way easier for me and my close people
Get here thinking it was a completely different thing, but it's very relatable. Guess nobody have a real answer for that, but the realization is already a good sign.
I’ve been holding myself back too. Sometimes it’s capitalism sometimes it’s the fear that if I’m too happy I’ll stop doing things. We need to allow ourselves to feel good. Try looking at life more like your favorite game. Building combos with practice and then landing one final trick. I think you’re toxically comparing your achievements especially with the idea you said where “I’ve never had anything that required that” you seem to think that because you life isn’t gigantic it’s not worth feeling or experiencing. It helps to journal and keep in mind which character you’re truly playing. Find the advancements for them, don’t seek endgame achievements in the middle of your life.
