Over the past decade, I've taught tens of thousands of parents of autistic children at every stage of the diagnosis process.
I work with NHS England teaching NHS staff such as GPs, and CAHMS staff. I also work in the NHS reviewing autistic patients' care in psychiatric hospitals to get them back into the community or to prevent hospital admittance.
I've also worked with many organisations such as transporting bodies, public health, schools, and charities and I regularly speak at public events like conferences, on podcasts, and on the radio.
I'm also surrounded by other autistic adults just like me - so what better place to learn about autism than directly from an autistic person like myself who knows the autistic point of view, has heard the parent's side, and knows how the system works.
If you want to know more about me or learn more from me please take a look at my website, or RU-vid, and of course please sign up to one of my many courses :)
First time I've come across this channel. Big sorry for the traumatic experience with the mother's death. Words can't, can they. But it still need and your reality, you need to be part of that fabric. My friend struggled with that after her baby died after premature birth due to preeclampsia where they both nearly died. Even if life strugglles to include or know what to say. Sometimes not dealing with things in the past as much, living in the moment (and I do both really, my mum's mantra was living in the moment and cultivating being shallow but probably shared too much trauma late at night after a drink with me as a young adult, but that's a different thing, but partly in that way and being sensitive to comtrasts and inconsistencies...) feels like a coping strategy done aggressively as exclusion in general at times, like when people stopped talking to my friend or didn't talk about her lad. Anyway yes, condolences seems inadequate without enough energy in it it, I'm sorry to hear that. Sounds really rough. It's not a power thing. Either way. In conversation approaches. I think though there's a lot of that power dynamics and relations well discussed as a classic allistic autistic or nt nd difference. But it can be painful with all the talk about double empathy that I don't always find it easy to communicate with other autistic people. There's a lot of reasons for that, complex differences of background, high masking, moral ocd type things and different sensitisations, plus speech disorders like cluttering speech which I think I have. Different types of implications made, Grices maxims and pragmatic speech difficulties. I feel like I'm saying one thing abd the opposite is being heard. Perhaps because often I'm over-explaining just in case it helps. And word substitution and intercultural things on yhe internet maybe. And that perhaps relate to different sensitisations. One man's impression of loving detail is another's impression of boorish grandstanding or inability to summarise, and succinct brevity is unkind impatient shortness and lack of information to another person. Or maybe at the same time or om different days for the same people. It's a host of internal factors and external influences and interactions. This is not all hung on your person's tragedy, this is a separate largely preexisting set of musings just to be clear. And but yeah, I think there's a tange of people and ways the traits mix up inside autistic people as a group. "The spectrum" And it applies to how we process trauma as well but it's mot a catastrophic difference necessarily. But I think that's a spectrum "one person" and complex factors thibg. And not the double empathy theory exactly although related. Although that's where the conversation moved to, you were discussing and went into that double empathy thing in a separate way. In of itself. I love tangents but sometimes I feel uncomy - mildly lost and drowned - if theres a topic slide isn't quite clear cut and muddies important topics rather than being a bit of a jump with a backstory of associations that likely weren't said but might be able to be traced back if asked. Conversations don't always seem to fit thst kind of interrogation, it's confronting and annoying to do,va bit much, and it's annoying to me as a problem because I get it but some parts of me don't. A discomfort lingers. Like an ache or an itch that's actually a knot that needs to be unpicked. But that's just me. Anyway I was saying,vyou wrte saying we got onto double empathy. Damian Milton's theory. And there's still more interesting things to say about that! Different thoughts in my head angles, connections, associated factoids and theories. But I don't know if that's appropriate for a whole additional section of solilique in a comments section. Technical correction (minor, no shade) it's a theory not a diagnosis. I understand how that could work, as it's a technical kind of noun about a technical kind of noun! But I have already said part of what I was trying to say/wanted to say. We need to talk more about how inter autistic communication isn't always plain sailing and there are these inherent and implanted differences that can make it difficult at times - it can give the opposite impression too much sometimes as a theory, relieving as it is. There is a spectrum. But that we do feel that commonality aa well. And then that works together in a tight emotional grabbing onto it sometimes, maybe too tight. Abd then also hidden disappointment or frustration or isolation that we feel like we can't talk about. The other thing is about speciation almost, making it sound like an exaggerated them and us. But there was a RU-vid Ted talk about the language of experience from a poet or rapper i think that I'd seen and related to before I heard about the double empathy problem theory. I think there's a inherent syndrome thing and on the other hand a generic human 'different languages of experience' thing!? (Also: inherent syndrome and maybe broader exploratory linguistics neurology thing!? See below) But that's not doing down the theory - it could go too far that other way. Going back to the neuro-linguistics, there's a potential link with dyslexia and dyspraxia and general turn taking at the neurological level. Back in the day on Twitter I shared with Damien Milton the study I randomly came across/was linked in my algorithm driven feeds from Google. It was talking about brain slots like in how there's a limited number available for processing text in dyslexia sometimes (that wasn't mentioned it was my mental connection to things I remembered hearing), I think that's also something that happens in dyspraxia, less effective use of memory packets in planning and coordination, active working memory. Anyway prompt turn taking and mental processing of speech was all tied up together and faster better turn taking csme from how well study participants were able to predict the next thing that someone was going to say so they could reply to it with something that subconsciously they have already planned. Familiar speaking styles took less memory slots and less packets of information, less revision. This all a subconscious process. But sorry hard to work out how many studies and be clearly traceable about the things that are combining to make what I think i know. And probably reached the word limit anyway. Thanks. TC. ❤
Sorry for this message and my writing style, I'll probably come back reread and cringe hard. Already am. Hopefully you can take the best of what I was trying to say, several things in there. Not confrontationally or too hard. All the best.
I'm also recovering from a cold. Sorry. I'm probably going to come back reread and cringe so hard. I hope you get something good from what I've written anyway. All the best!
This is what happens if i ignoring people during my breakfast with an evil step parents. I just have one tamale with my hot dog then it all stared arguing me because i can't tell nobody about my family is going to state fair or not because it will suffering special needs teachers and some kids including mom and edgar that i have talked too much. If i had talk too much i want to back to hospital since was a little or therapist when i was 10 years old. That's why i can't communicate express myself and my brain was getting low. I had have it i want to pack my stuff to find my job with my dad and i have a good money. These idiots are too independent because they both go to parties and work every sunday, i have to go my job by myself to become a real normal me then i was to pretend to be not autistic i need diploma script skills and making new friends.
I'm really struggling as someone with autism. I'm trying to find videos that show tone and the emotions associated with it, but I've only found one video that was about 2 minutes long and I couldn't differentiate any of it :( I've been told I come off as sad, angry and/or petty and I really don't want to make people feel upset, but I don't know how I'm meant to sound. Does anyone know any videos that could help me? I feel very lost and confused. This video helped me understand myself a little better, but I want to change this part of myself so I don't make people feel upset. It doesn't feel nice to be a bad person, even if it's not necessarily my fault and malicious.
Seems like theories stacked on top of theories. Abused and feral children who have missed similar developmental milestones have been observed to rebound cognitive empathy, despite the social/cultural deficit. This is not the case for autism, in regards to affective empathy.
I think I’m both I get inattentive to things that I find uninteresting and difficulties focusing,sitting down on hard objects, I sensory issues, I have difficult with social cues and body language, I can take jokes and sarcasm sometimes serious and other times jokingly, and I over think about things a lot.
I got these orange-pinkish tinted glasses to see if they help me stop stimming so much and I INSTANTLY felt my whole body relax even though I was in natural, somewhat low indoor lighting. I watched this video towards the beginning of the year and finally tried some tinted glasses over my contacts. I don't like wearing just my prescription glasses since they're clear and wiggly (which makes it hard to see lol) so I reallyy really hope I'm allowed to wear my tinted ones at work! Thanks for this video man it's still helping people out 3 years later!
For sure , very stressful moments take my autistic traits to the max 👍🏼. Yes , unfortunately those negative memories do kind of linga . They are impossible to shake off. Relived over and over again.
It’s really important that we clearly distinguish between autism and trauma because while they can share some overlapping behaviors, they are fundamentally different. Autism is a neurodevelopmental condition, meaning it’s a part of who someone is from early childhood, often marked by differences in social interaction, communication, and sensory processing. Trauma, on the other hand, is a response to negative experiences and can impact behavior, but it stems from specific events rather than a developmental difference. Sometimes trauma can make autistic traits more intense, like sensory sensitivities or social challenges, but these symptoms don’t make someone autistic. Similarly, autistic people who go through trauma may seem like they have additional challenges, but that’s due to a combination of factors, not a change in their core condition. Unfortunately, there’s a growing misunderstanding, especially online, where people are mistaking trauma responses for autism or thinking they’re “a little autistic” because of coping mechanisms they’ve developed from difficult life experiences. This can also go the other way, where autistic traits are misinterpreted as trauma responses. It’s a serious issue because it can lead to the wrong diagnosis, and people might not get the right support or accommodations they need. By keeping these distinctions clear, we can help people better understand their own experiences and seek the right resources, whether they need trauma-informed therapy or autism support. Both autism and trauma deserve their own understanding and responses, and mixing them up only adds confusion for those trying to make sense of their identity and struggles.
The point you make about diagnostic criteria is how it is and how it stands and important. But on a personal level that's a more complex, the sharp division thing isn't as useful and can be damaging repeat of how we're treated. And also the ADHD autism "trying to find a line" thing feels destructive and pointless and too hard in a similar way. I don't think you could give yourself DID but it feels wrongly interrogative, it's not like a chair therapy even, where you are trying to understand parts of yourself and come closer together in a way. I have an ADHD diagnosis and autistic diagnosis and I have trauma and Trauma and also was told excessively ambitious stuff, or over spiritualised. And the other side devalued, ostracized, bullies, called all the slurs, made to view certain clowning humiliation actions like the sp*z action that trump did to Mr Kovaleski and lots of kids did to me, and the mock throttles when teachers were jokingly waxing philosophical about how I was a frustrating puzzle wayyy before diagnosis. It's one reason I hate the puzzle piece, that last one. You just want to feel whole and awesome - or enough.
I love words writing books and wanted to be a writer or should i say author. Yet i was tormented by teachers parents etc for messy writing and coloring. It was hell. I also had dyscalculia. Thank God for keyboards. Now in middle age i have some credibility 😂
For me it makes to conversation feel aggressive and conformational, it's also distracting. I can look at your eyes or I can listen to what you're saying. it hard enough because of my tinnitus having to look at you makes it more difficult to hear. "I listen with my ears, not with my eyes"
It’s called neural pruning … we often hold on too lot childhood nostalgia and that an autistic thing. Masking gets easier as you get older you realise how socially conduct yourself better although it can be draining when we do this many do it to fit in with peers and just appeared more “normal” and avoiding more “embarrassing consequences or bullying” appearing more childish we can’t actually help that infantilising autistic people is disgusting
I have a child with dysgraphia and no amount of practice makes it better. And having to work on a big paper size is overwhelming for those who have dysgraphia. It’s a neuro processing problem that makes the process of putting thoughts on paper extremely slow.
It does feel like we're a different species sometimes. To be aware of the double empathy problem can help with natural navigation through it and form communication alignment, but there are many facets. You may be aware, but most NTs aren't. Most NTs, especially if you haven't disclosed and clarified, see it as having an expectation that you, an ND in disguise as NT, can/will/prefer their style of empathy, because their needs demand attention. It's the ol' relationship chestnut of "Do you want me to listen or do you want me to help solve your problem?" except there seems to be an innate rejection of listening just to listen, because what is the point of negative emotion if not to find resolution for it? To occupy emotional space is sort of seen as a bug of the human condition instead of a feature of it.
No!!!! He infuriates me, then the media covers him without talking about autism but they talk about all his "bad" qualities that make his "reactions" or "behaviors" or "awkward delivery" like he's a psychopath!!! I wish he'd go back behind the scenes!!!!
The problem i am finding in these communities is they are listing buzzwords and new happy terminology, but i never hear solid anecdotal evidence of real suffering. We are ending up with people who have mild symptoms, recognising these traits via lists by people with mild symptoms. Soon the stereotypical face of Autism will be a reasonably motivated, socially stable, attractive person in their 20's to 30's with quirks desperate to spread the message and grow this community. It's an Autism pyramid scheme. Meanwhile people like Chris Chan, Daniel Larson, the incel shooters, etc etc are left with poor adult guidance and social skills, ending up doing socially reprehensible acts, but labelled as cognitively sound, therefore evil monsters.
because when i eat food im not used to my body physically rejects the food and i end up either vomiting, shitting for hours, or just feeling off for the rest of the day. Sometimes i try new things and its nice, other times its horrible. I usually only eat western food now because i just cant handle more exotic foods.
Loving the conversation, but the participants don’t seem very familiar with the original, actual spoon theory. The original creator of it explicitly said the amount of “spoons” a person has and the amount each task will cost may vary daily, so the idea that it varies and therefore spoon theory doesn’t work is not accurate to spoon theory per the originator of the theory 😅
Thank you for talking open about these things and being a pIatform for it! totally agree, the affordability of the recommendation one needs seem to outweigh the benefit of participation at a lot of things more often with older age. It´s quite sad actually.
You know, they basically turned off the ability to comment on their videos because they don't want to do better for the Autistic community. It goes to show how cowardly and greedy this company is. Such a joke of an organization with false teachings and lies. Nobody spend your money on their services. It's not worth it.
I'm autistic. I quite don't mind holding hands or hugging as much as long as I know the person. But I don't like being kissed or touched as much by some people
I talk loudly sometimes and I noticed a friend of mine who is autistic same as me talks loudly too. People pointed it out so many times I can't remember.
This is a really great video, often we kinda get this “listen to the words don’t interpret them” push back on this topic and I think it’s important that we acknowledge that >95% of people speak with subtext and tone as a major part of conveying their ideas
I dislike eye contact more so with people I don't know well or for some reason certain individuals that just trigger anxiety for some reason. I feel like i'm being absorbed by whoever I connect eyes with therefore it's alot easier when it's someone I actually like and feel comfortable with.
When I was 18 someone did ask me how old I was when I was mentioning Disney, like Disney is just for kids when it isn’t, lots of adults watch it… And again I am also like you guys on the video who is on the spectrum. Disney is for all ages… when I was 19 I went into the Disney Store at Times Square in Manhattan and I loved it just like the Disney store that used to be in Nottingham.
Fast forward to 08/2024. Science determines autistics EYES absorb more information then non autistics. So not social anxiety, mental reasons. Physically get more information. Just as we get too much from other senses. Myths erased but likely take years or ever fir that to be disseminated. Works for myself, fits Mtyself. uncomfotables with eye contact
I really struggle with textures, and it’s hard to get me to eat natural foods. I don’t like crunchy, I don’t like hot, I don’t like runny, and I don’t like crunch in soft foods. I hate almost every texture.
I dislike bc it’s very intense. Like why do it with someone I just met? I struggle with it with ppl I’ve known for years hell I can’t keep it with my own mom. I think I do when it feels right and when it actually seriously matters. Like an important conversation or just like. You know when you have a partner and the world stops for a second as you look into each others eyes and it feels nice and unintrusive. Like idk. It feels special. Not special enough to give to a random person seeing if I’m the right match for a job
I have all autistic traits, execept having very low empathy and not being able to read people well. I read them and situations too well. :/ As result - all existing tests never really prove I'm autistic. Those tests are absurd. And other sources like this one say autistic people have higher empathy. This is so confusing.
I have fibro an mps an I find it incredibly hard to get to sleep or get out of bed before 2-3 in the afternoon which really kills being able to go to work have a life do just about anything I need something to pick me up I don't have alot of medication I take as there isn't much I can ive been thru them all an my biggest issue is I have no energy as it's all used up in dealing with pains an strains an sprains my mental has fallen to shit cause I can't keep focused on my doings cause of significant pain I'm thinking if I can keep my brain on track I might be able to get back to living life
Dude, what is honestly wrong with you!? Are you high or stupid or a combination of both and including other things? I have Asperger’s syndrome who would just love to and dream of ridding myself of it, I am just telling the truth about it as well as the raw harsh reality of it. People only say people with autism are intelligent and what ever else like that not to make them feel bad about themselves or insecure and subconscious about their condition. The harsh truth is that people with autism for the vast majority of it are not too intelligent and it is down right scary. Further, autism is a cluster bomb of issues apart from the intelligence such as weight gain, poor muscle tone and a whole host of other issues. Even if there are a few individuals with autism who are insanely intelligent, which are like finding needles in a haystack, the number of issues far exceeds anything good that comes with having a form of autism, if any actually exists. Further, autism in any form is a nightmare for those who have it and those around them like parents. People with autism, in addition to not being very bright can go through so many more worse things and more of it likely than your average person such as discrimination and being taken advantage off. In addition, taking care of someone with autism can be an absolute nightmare especially as they get older given how many of them are not too bright and cannot take care of themselves and will need constant care. Overall, anybody who says autism is a gift or blessing is either in denial, stupid or does not know what they are talking about. I sure as hell would love to get rid of my Aspergers because my life would be so much better off without it and I would have not gone through the hell I went through because of it. To reiterate, IT IS NOT A GIFT!
I don't think it should have a negative name like RSD. We have a reason to feel the way we do. If you're constantly rejected, you're going to expect to be rejected. I wonder if anyone with RSD actually doesn't get rejected constantly. If there are people like that, then it needs two different names.
