We help people heal from the pain of affairs and betrayal. Our programs are research based, combining a solid curriculum with the strength of collaborative support to provide solace and recovery for both couples and individuals. All of our materials are created by clinical professionals, many of whom have personally experienced infidelity.
THIS! I remember what it was like going through my wife's affair. There probably was a period of 5 months when I didn't laugh nor smile. I remember the first time I laughed... it HURT because my body hadn't laughed in so long. It is great to see this video doesn't minimize the emotional pain of those bad times and bad days. As I have had nearly 3 years of recovery from those hard times, this video is the same advice that I give others... Maybe you cannot laugh yet, but you will. Why? Because hard times do not last! Do I laugh at my wife's infidelity? Never! But I laugh at a number of the ridiculous aspects of my past. BUT, the main advice I would give, as he says in the video, show yourself grace and take things off your plate. When you are currently in hard times, there are few things more important than SELF CARE. Laughter comes much later.
Umm, this video is really strange. It is one thing to laugh about a string of bad events years later. I have done that myself. However, infidelity is not an event where people laugh about it years later. We have taken 3 courses at AF trying to heal from my wife's affair. I will never laugh at this event. It tore our family apart. I tried killing myself. Laugh? This video is just going to trigger every single betrayed out here. Talk about making light of a serious situation. Wow.
Kevin, I don't know if you come from faith, yet, I am keeping you in my prayers no matter my ignorance. I am in a similar boat. This is not an easy time and it is devastating. You understand. I do not think Rick is trying to make light of the situation. Everything in my life comes down to perception I have versus perspective I have. I have really bad days and really good days. I think what Rick is trying to say is the emotions are going to happen. You have to go through to get the other side. And when you look back at your journey you see the strength you have now (later) but also the incredible strength you had then (the now... as you are going through it). Don't hurt yourself, you are valuable to so many people, even me, and I don't know you from Adam. This was not your fault, even if you have issues, it wasn't your fault. People care about you. I am in solo counseling, couples counseling, I have done Hope Restored w/ Focus on Family, I watch these videos, and others, I have done Retreauville with the Catholic church and I am not even Catholic. I have also been doing 'Hope for Men' from the Pure Desires ministry. So... I am with you on going to war on this situation amd the effects it has had on your life. And I know you can do this. Feel the hurt (maybe forever) but still find laughter and beauty in life, even when you look back. William Butler Yeats wrote a poem called Easter 1913, and the line "a terrible beauty is born...", and that has become my mantra. I do EMDR and ASR for my trauma healing also... but what I javelin learned is you can't go through this alone. But you can get through this. It is a process. And I know this seems like platitudes, but I really believe it. God bless you, sir. You are a courageous man and deserve to still have joy and find laughter. It will come it takes time. You are in my prayers. Sincerely, Andrew
I am three years out from my wife's affair and cheating that she did. You're so right as I will never laugh at it. I will never forgive or forget it either. It has done so much mental damage to me. Lots more bad days than good days for me due to it.
Yeah...I forgave at 2 weeks. Then at week 6 found out new, even more hurtful information so I'm having to work through that to forgive again for the things I wasnt aware of the first time. I still stand by forgiving him for being an imperfect human that has made bad choices, but now I've got to work on forgiving all the little things I didn't know about in the beginning.
@ I dont believe you ever uncover all the truth. I think the unfaithful spares some details to save what they can of their embarrassment and hope you can forgive them by not disclosing everything. Do you want the real truth to be right or do you want the half truth to possibly save your marriage. I cant answer that for myself.
I'm just curious but at the beginning of the video mentioned about how to keep secrets......that she now embraces. Why keep more secrets, Im genuinely curious
What about when he will not even acknowledge the fact that he’s done anything wrong? When he denies everything, despite there being tangible evidence to the contrary? When he refuses to discuss the event(s) and give full disclosure? Or when he deflects and gaslights or shuts down and escapes every time the subject is brought up? What do I do? How do I move forward or begin to heal until the cards are on the table and I know exactly what I’m dealing with here?
My husban had an affair for 30 years. He fell in love with her and her daughters. He even became Godfather to one of her daughters children. The daughter's loved him like a dad. I'm pissed that he took time away from me and his own children. I'm in so much pain.
And what if the unfaithful displays most of these red flags but doesn’t think they need help and doesn’t believe in therapy? Is the healing still possible?
When he has an affair with his EX wife after being in a marriage with me for almost 6 years??? I caught him cheating when I found nasty text messages…. He never gave me valid reasons to go back to her, but neither wanted a relationship with each other. She said she set him up to hurt me, but he participated. So I blame him more of course. Just can’t wrap my head around any of it.
Understand that most US don’t think the way their BS does… it is rooted in many things.. these aren’t encore doing what they did.. they could have handled their issues differently… but there are reasons….many never learned to love completely… that’s why they can compartmentalize….they think that they can get what they need and still live as an honest citizen. …through therapy… if they decide to do that and do it 100%… they can learn what loving is.. it’s actions, not words… what you do everyday….
All this god talk is making me, as an atheist, feel like this entire affair recovery industry is just some religious wash and maybe the best thing to actually do is walk away.
The unfaithful person could never get pass this stage. He would never tell me the entire truth and kept hiding things and said that was his way of protecting me. It only added to the hurt and the pain he already caused. Then more information would come up over time as I asked and those things would traumatize me. I ended up going through a cycle of endless trauma over and over and he would only get angry and hide things. I became a mess in my world. I had to leave him and sought help and healing. His shadow still lives in my life as I move on with my life but at least I have the words to describe my pain now.
This video was spot on for my situation. Just had D-Day #2 about a week ago after i had been doing relatively well with dealing with the first one. It is so agonizing to be kicked back to the starting line. While im greatful my husband finally felt safe enough to give me the information...it doesnt make it any less difficult to have to restart everything all over again. Im exhausted. I just want him to lay it all out so i can process and move on. Doing this is keeping me stuck in utter despair. I dont even want intimate details (i cant handle knowing the sexual aspect...it would just create more unnecessary triggers), just a general understanding of what happened. Im tired of waiting for the other shoe to drop and feeling like hes still lying to me because every time hes told me that he told me everything....turns out there was more. Its just exhausting.
And when disclosure is cloaked in repeated denials and lies, the betrayed will doubt forever there veracity of what's been told . If you can't truly humble yourself and tell your spouse what you owe them... The truth.... Then do both of you a favour and just walk. Your damaged and selfish and your opinion of yourself is far above what you think of your betrayed spouse.
I found out of my husband having an affair oct last year & we separated immediately …4 months later we divorced & 2 months after our divorced finalized he married his affair partner
How can I be the abusive one he holds all thr keys to my choice and freedom to understand what I am dealing with this is the only thing that I am what sounds like in this video abusive behavior.
The affair happened in 2016 and I feel and have evidence and intuition thar it continues today. I have left this is 2nd time but I keep seeing him, I didn't start dealing with this until 2020 I can't seem to get full disclosure. I don't know what to do. He does show me with action the disdain and contept he does not recognize what he is doing...
Great content here. It's just too bad that the unfaithful spouse is very rarely going to seek out this information. I would bet in most cases than not if the unfaithful is seeing this it is because us the betrayed has sent it to them.
Yep. I sent it to my husband. However...he does look up and watch videos on his own to listen to while he's alone at work. He's also sent me some videos...although, not nearly as many as I have sent to him.
Today is 1 year D day anniversary that I out my wife cheated for 3 years and I thought I would do things to make me feel better and I feel empty and depressed. Didn’t sleep at all and been angry and I’m yelling at my kids. I feel like shit. I still can’t believe you loved another man and treated me the way you did. Sometimes I want to move on and sometimes I just want to quit. Cheating is one thing but to treat someone like nothing is a different blow to your ego. Sad part is most people say I’m very attractive so why did she do me the way she did? A question that will never have an answer.
Going to send this to my unfaitful husband. He gets into what I guess you would call a "shame spiral" where he feels like I SHOULD rage at him or punish him and then he turns to drinking which just makes it worse because then he feels guilty for drinking too much as well (he's got a drinking problem which contributed to his affairs a bit). It's heartbreaking for me to witness because I'm doing everything I can to let him know that even though I'm hurting...that I choose to stay with him and work on this TOGETHER...But when he starts this self hatred party it makes me feel so bad for showing my emotions to him or leaning on him for support. Almost like I'm having to heal myself while also holding him up. I'm not angry about it....just so incredibly sad.
Even though I don't know any of the affair recovery staff personally, these videos make me feel like Samuel and several of the others are my good friends. They provide safety where it feels like there is no safety. They provide honesty where it feels like there is no honesty. They provide hope where it feels like there is none. Regardless of how my relationship turns out, I'm grateful to have found these videos and this organization. It has helped keep me sane when nothing else does.
Thank you Laurie, as a lifetime west Tx rancher and betrayed spouse (years ago) I might identify with your analogy more than some others. Getting kicked, run over, banged around, and injured by animals that outweigh me by more than 1000 lbs over the years can’t even begin to compare with the trauma I’ve endured due to my wife’s infidelity…but the caution and guarded watchfulness after the fact have been very similar to the hyper vigilance I live with daily now. I stayed because we had kids and there was just too much to lose, but it’s been a difficult, ongoing struggle for many years. I sincerely appreciate your efforts to help those like me…bless you!
Unfortunately, the guy was the unfaithful one and wasn’t willing to be transparent and to wasn’t willing to work in his failure. He kept blaming everyone else for his actions. So I left him.
Going through this is hard knowing that the affair is still on.He is trying to deny me sex and the thought that no matter how many videos I watch .They won't help him to stop.What a pathetic place to be
I wish I could leave but I don't feel ready.I have 3 kids that I wouldn't want to leave behind. If things were perfect I would ran out of the country with them
She couldn't remember. Fine. Our situation had more important issues to work out (drugs, personality disorders, etc). Fine. We agreed to put it on hold until she was in a better place. Now her therapist says that we're just "picking at a scab." It hasn't scabbed over! Are you serious?! We haven't talked about it much at all
9 years this week, and not a day goes by without them. But disclosure was pulling nails every step of the way and apologies still get pedaled back, stories still keep changing.
