Thank you for this video. At 56 years old, I’m just realizing how my adoption, three days after birth, has affected me throughout my life. I was given the book The Primal Wound recently after speaking with a friend about some of the issues I’ve been dealing with. She has several adopted children, and she understood what I was talking about. As I was listening to your video, I began experiencing extremely strong feelings of uneasiness, and became nauseated to the point of nearly throwing up. I’m not sick, so I think this is some sort of a physical manifestation of pain that I’ve been holding down. I’m just beginning this journey of understanding this and towards healing.

This is genius 👍🏼 thank you so much

Well, that's useless. I'm almost fucking 40.

This was my latest notes entry😭 I fucking hate this world Or am I like this Why am I like this I should not live It's always been this way Always been called insincere or stupid Ik everyone hates me I don't wanna live anymore Why even be in the fucking spotlight like fuck it man I wanna cry sm rnn I am the fault I'm a mistake wow I really fuckin wanna kill myself Can I die so that everybody will think abt me I can't trauma dump anyone And I'm so useless I'm nothing How to stop these tears I'm such a bad person I hurt I hurt others too Why is this w me I mean man I'm the fault Wow Ew I hate u sm I want to sleep forever it's fine by me I can't hurt everyone I can't I have to be nice to people I don't know how t but Why does this happen to me I'm like this I don't wanna do anything then later smth bad happens I blame everybody else I'm the fuck up It's not the end of the world wish it was I can't be rude to anyone I just don't have the energy to be nice I fuckin wanna lay down man I don't wanna do anything I am like this A loser Who can't do anything Can't show up Can't stand up for herself And I just can't wish I would faint again hit my head and die Cause I don't want to do this I have no one to talk abr this cause I'm the one to be blamed This has happen multiple times man during school People just romanticize life honestly fuck them No ones life perfect It's only perfect when ure in peace at rest not in the world How close I am to hurt myself rn Hope this trauma ends Peace out Bye

As an adoptee that was basically told to believe that I needed to be more grateful and learned nothing about grief until my late 30's, its so easy to be in denial because the main message I was told in my 20 years in and out of therapy in AA, not one person I met trying to help me could tell me that adoption could possibly cause any issues I was having, It was the cause of every single issue I was dealing with. Its insane what I went through and my AP's blamed me for me not knowing how how to deal with overwhelming grief. I was punished, sent to military school, and still to this day they say its my fault, even though I was Latino in a white family, never taught about race, grief, or any sort of problems that could have been caused from being separated from my mom at birth, loss of genetic mirroring, loss of access to my birth certificate, loss of culture, loss of all these things that were killing me. Lack of educated adoptive parents on race and grief, and other issues can seriously mess up a child's life permanently.

Primal wound was bullshit when it was a developing theory and it's still a builshit theory years later. It's foundations are in psuedoscience.

I struggle with feeling angry and irritable a lot of the time. I sometimes don’t even understand where all my anger comes from. It sucks but I really am trying to be less angry 😌

Damn...im fucking 40...homeless, living in this car...been excruciatingly painfully single, pretty much friendless and painfully alone my entire pathetic waste of a life...never even been out on a damn date yet at damn 40, absolutely 0 experiences.. You seriously need to edit the title of this video, was not expecting to already be excluded from this video like i always am everywhere else...this was pretty damn depressing. 😥💔😭💔

I don't wish to discourage you with your efforts. Justa a feedback, as an individual with long term depression your expressions seem very stoic !

I’ve started self-harming at 7 years old. Now I’m 20 I still battling with self-harm I kept cutting, biting, slapping, hitting , punching, scratching, pinching, burning , piercing and hair pulling to hurt myself to cope with the pain that won’t go away. 😢

It broke my heart to be adopted. I thought was stolen. it is heartbreaking for me. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. I feel so alone , invisible, unloved and walking question mark. I never got to be me

My sister eventually wants to adopt. It is such a wonderful deed to adopt, but it makes me worried that she might not know what she’s getting into. But the potential solutions a book like this could bring would be quite valuable and helps me feel assured that she and her future kids will be ok. It also does make me sad that she doesn’t want kids of her own, though. She’s my only sibling, and my husband’s brother’s family is in another country. The only reason she doesn’t want kids of her own, so she’s said, is she’s afraid of giving birth. It would be so nice for my kids to eventually have cousins they can see, either way.

I feel like adoption is a form of societal kidnapping. Hear me out. Let's say you're a pregnant woman. You are poor/unmarried/too young/too sick, and you don't have the resources to care for a child or the amount of stigma is so high that you cannot keep your baby even if you want to. You *have to* "give" your child up for adoption. Society *could* support you. Society could give welfare, put day care in high schools, pay for health care and home help, help you socially to not be ashamed, but society instead tells you to "give" your baby to total strangers to raise. This is done under duress. It is not a gift. The child is taken. The same people who will tell you not to have an abortion (or force you to not have an abortion) won't hesitate to kidnap your baby. Obviously, there are children in need of love and care, and this could be done through guardianship vs adoption. The main distinction is that the guardian is not legally the child's parent. The other distinction is that the birth parents would (usually) be able to maintain contact with their child. (In the case of abuse, violence, death of parent, this would need to be modified.) This would be different from fostering in that guardianship would be intended for the long term, like the child's whole childhood, when the parents will not be able to care for the child. It's a tough situation, and therapy should be included. The other question then is: Why are there so many children in need of love and care? What is going on in society that causes this? How can we repair society so we don't need adoption? Anyway, that's my thought about adoption. I'm not adopted. I haven't adopted a child. My dad was half adopted by his widowed mother's second husband. I have cousins who were adopted in what I now think of as the kidnapping method. (See _Philomena_ for details.) I don't think that adoption is a "loving" alternative to abortion. Make of this what you will.

Welcome to anxiety and disappointment more and more

Wow, this is so useful. Thank you!

Would it be better if society invested in orphanages that care till adulthood? They will grow up not denying their circumstances and grow up around others in the same boat. They can be looked after by mental health and education professionals, and not inexperienced parents.

As an adoptee this video is deep

No one wants to understand what we go through

I was adopted at birth i guess i never got much detail and i don't ask anymore. They were older and strict af yes i had a roof over my head and fiod in my belly. The wholt being older thing sucked because they were not fun when i was young. I had evergy they sat on their ass. I had chores like i lived on little house on the prairie . The whole thing is just fked up. I never met my birth parents im 50 years old so i probably won't but i would like to know about them. Ppl that aren't adopted will never understand.

I have a question. Is it fair for me to be angry with my boss for *secretly* having a disrespectful perspective of me? She expressed herself at a hypnotist show. See, the hypnotist asked the participants to explain a complex philosophy they each have, and my boss talked about intelligence and hard work. She said she didn't believe that everyone was smart; that only certain people were while others were unintelligent. She also said that hard work does not always make people smart. She used my name as an example. She said some people were smart and hardworking, and thus were successful, e.g., in school. Some were smart but lazy and thus didn't manage what they _could've._ And finally that some people were hardworking...but not smart. She referenced me. She talked about how I was a slow learner at work, got things mixed up, and couldn't seem to do anything right alone. How she didn't think I could manage one-person shifts without someone to guide me. Especially after the time I set a wedding reception with black linens, not white, the official/usual color (though in my defense, black linens were used for *most other* events, so thus it was a natural psychological error.) She mentioned how I didn't have a driver's license and still lived at home with my boss in my late twenties. The hypnotist, who seemed surprised by her comments, said, "So just to clarify, you don't think he has much honor or dignity in him? That he's a dimwit and a joke?" And to my dismay, my boss said, "Yes, exactly." That hurt so much. So...do I have a right to be mad at her? She didn't say this consciously, let alone to my face, but she thinks that way. Even in private, I think that's disrespectful and shameless. Do you, guys?

Usless advice. My life sucked when I was 15. Im neally 40 now and things never imrpved. No friends. No relationship. Completely emptionally and phyaically isolated.

At work this year I finally unleashed my anger and really stuck up for myself and DAMN I had never felt so good and free. 💪

I can say there's no doubt some kind of connection with a biological family that both the adopted & adoptee lack.

Sounds like another "entitled" Karen trying to throw her opinion around. As a birth mother I knew I was going to place my child *NOT* give my child for adoption and I still bonded with my baby. I loved ❤❤ being pregnant. All conceived lives matter!! This woman is sounding as if adoptees aren't valued.

As a birth mom, this video implies that birth parents thi "_should_ feel like crap.😮 I don't want my son (whom I lovingly and bitter sweetly placed for adoption) to feel disconnected or weird. Should birth moms have aborted?!?!? Sheesh people!!

I wasn't adopted. My mom was my mom. But I do come from a long line of generational trama. Your title made me think of that movie Inside. I believe Riley's birth mother was ND and that the pain of her being forced to give her baby away caused Riley's sadness from birth.

1. Write how you feel. Write it out 2. Exercise 3. Avoid people with a lack of empathy even when you live with them:)

Been a long time since I was a teen; but I was adopted at birth. I went through a lot of struggles with it and unfortunately my adoptive family wasn't great. I always felt like an outsider. Having my first child, looking into the face of someone blood related for the first time in my life, was an incredible experience. Distancing myself from my adoptive family and building my own life with my own family I think helped me do a lot of thinking and healing, but I think there are still some wounds that haven't healed.

I think its good advice because by the time I finish writing what is wrong I will die of natural cause

Long term rejection of any physical intimacy in marriage for years and years results in depression, frustration and anger. Also doesn't help when your feelings and concerns are dismissed along with being treated as not needed because the children are the only priority.

My birth mother was 17. A baby herself really. When I think back to me being 17. My daughter at 17. She was "sent away", the pregnancy was shameful. That was the start of my life. I was given up for adoption. She was alone during her labour. It was long, hard and scary. She snuck down to see me, but was advised not to. I was not held by the person I was born from. I was removed. I was cared for. I was adopted by really loving people, who I do see as my parents. But they never were , not really. AND you know it. You know that. But you dont know why you feel unloved when you are. You dont know why you cant "fit in" anywhere and why your thoughts are not the same as your families - you dont know the chemicals and smells of your new life. You do not relate to your parents like genetic family does. I could see that when I had my own child. Some things are just genetic - like, it is hard to explain, and of course, as a child not having it, you dont know you dont have it - but it IS missing. I can see that now. You also never feel like you are part of ANY family - even when you meet your bio family - they are too long apart. I dont feel "rejected" or unloved. I did for a while, but when I met my bio family, I understood that it wasnt me. That was helpful. But the scars are there. The brain of a baby cannot comprehend why the baby is not with the smells, pheramones and chemicals of mom. They can be held, loved and comforted, but the fear has set in, the body is in fear. It never leaves. Not really. And then you grow up alone inside. If you are unlucky, you turn to bad things like drugs to cope. If you seek some kind of connection, like I did (and still do), you pick the wrong ways to find that, and you often end up not being able to have normal relationships because you do not really understand .

It is until they find the notebook and kick you out after they beat you and then you get put in to jail bc of the notebook

For me being adopted was a double edge sword. I did not fit in. I still do not fit in. Failure to fit in to what I see as foolishness for the most part. The masses live lives of quiet desperation. This doctor or therapist the lawyer the judge all wear a mask.You hold your destiny in your own hands. Inspire yourself dont look to others because they cannot help you. God gave you a mission to achieveve on earth. You have a patch of ground to work which is your destiny. No one else can do what you do. Do not imitate anyone ever. Blaze your own trail. Be your own person. Your character defines you. People hide behind a variety of masks hoping they wont be exposed. In my opinion social niceties get in the way of real communication. Be original be real. Living in the precious present is true happiness. Stop fighting the current of life let go and enjoy the ride. Each and every moment of life is new and alive. When you align with your destiny life is smooth sailing.

People use that to punish themselves for something that isn't their fault. They Got Bullied, so they think that they got Bullied cause their fault. They carry it that guilt Way in to their adulthood too

How to deal with person that is irritable and angry and always using bad words when they were angry and irritated,coz i have one in my house he's always been like that like morning to evening, what should I do, I don't feel so relaxed about that?

That displaced anger made parenting extremely hard. I’m a step parent to two adoptees I met ten years ago. My wife adopted them with her ex who ran away 6 months after signing the papers for kids she said would “complete her life”. I showed up 6 months later. It was a total shitshow. The oldest sibling had so much rage. He was setting fires, violent and sexually inappropriate with other kids. He was too dangerous to live with and we had to send him to a therapeutic boarding school for 2 1/2 years (10-12) where he got the supervision he needed for everyone to be safe. He’s 18 now and has moved out. He’s better but he still struggles a LOT. Parenting him was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. He hated my guts. I had to nail down the safety for everyone and stop him from spreading ptsd. He never stopped trying to dominate our household which I never tolerated. It was a nonstop battle of the wills to force him to graduate highschool. There has to be a better way. I will NEVER recommend adoption to anyone after raising him. There is no support for parents or the kids. Just blame and shaming from people who expect adoption families to be like bio families. It’s ridiculous. Foster only, never adopt. I think the lack of resources to deal with the anger and behaviors leads to divorces, the rehoming nightmare and desperate parents going to quacks like Nancy Thomas who promotes doing emotional abuse as a solution. I hope things change around adoption. It’s a very sick situation right now. We’re doing it all wrong. The outcomes speak for themselves.

Thank you ❤

but what if the urge comes in class?

That's one of the reasons why surrogacy should be illegal in every country of the world .

I get irritated by the moat stupid things. Does my head in

My daughter was placed for adoption right from birth she was in foster care for 4 months until placed with us. It was through social services sealed adoption. We went through many obstacles for years with her she is now 26 and just informed us she found her 6 -1/2 brother& sisters , birth mother &legal father. They are all great . The birth mother tried telling her a pile of crap we had the adoption summary of her 26 years ago, Hearing all the time about her siblings and her new family of no education, no lifestyle. Yes this women birthed her but she also gave her a life of physical and mental issues that we have had to deal with all these years and told everyone she died at birth, never saw her when she was born. We lost our other adult child to death and I feel like I’ve lost another. I m sorry but I cannot say I think this women is a great person and thank her. My husband and I feel completely betrayed by this whole situation. Iam trying to find someplace to help us heal from this blow. Tired of hearing my sisters and brothers birth mom and legal dad like they are the greatest and we are now the scurg of the earth that are nothing to her. 26 years of loving her providing for her and considering her our daughter we now feel like we are nothing.

Selfish individuals have sex too and sometimes they aren't responsible enough or ready to raise a kid. Kids are scary I'm one of those adult women who just simply becomes frightened at the thought of being full blown responsible for a little tornadoes child ready to tear everything up in its path including me! Diapers, puke, I mean just because we eneded up finding someone we really take a liking to and somehow needed up getting into bed with them does not mean we are SOMEHOW READY TO RIP A BABY OUT OF OUR GENETALIA AFTER ALMOST A YEAR OF VIOLENT VOMITING AND PANIC ATTACKS AND HISSY FITS I forgot what I was saying

You look a little like Rhea Seehorn.

CBT can help but I don't think you quite understand ??? If it was that easy every one would be cured ???

Please do consider calling the adoptive parents as adoptive parents and not as « real » parents, bc from where I sit, it’s very painful to hear that. Birth parents aren’t unreal!

Wow now I lost even lost hope on therapists

Wow no what the fuck is this

According to this would I have to workout all day ?

work out is a terrible advice. How about the old and the disabled?

Dumb advice