Why Adoption is Traumatizing Even At Birth 

You are loved 🥺💜

You are very loved. I love you even though I don't know you. I have heard some adoptees who feel the way you do. I love you. I hope you had loving adoptive parents.

Yes It is a wound that never heals. I agree. I know.

I know. That's my story too. PTSD from birth.

But it was always "where did you go wrong?" from my adoptive parents.

Thank you 🙏

Thank you!

Well said so true

Yes, as long as it is not a disruptive, disrespectful or violent way of expressing those feelings.

@@TeaCup1940 I mean, many adoptive parents will see just missing their birth parents as disruptive or disrespectful. Adoptees are silenced lot And violence is often an expression of trauma. Those kids need to be given healthy outlets and compassion the most

This is on point, and I hate how everyone almost demands that we should feel "Grateful" for the fact we were adopted

@@yazanarar I loathed hearing how ‘lucky’ I was to be adopted at 2 months old. Lucky? To be abandoned in the hospital at birth? To ‘only’ have 2 foster homes? To wonder for my entire life what was so intrinsically wrong with me that I wasn’t wanted? People love to admire the rainbow side of adoption without taking into account the storm that came first.

@@lynn2574 💔 i feel you

@@lynn2574 Well said!!

@@yazanarar I was told once, “I won the Lottery” because I was adopted by very strict and stable parents but they don’t understand the whole story. I’ve grown to hate people

Same now I'm a parent 😢

I feel empty and homeless.

Me too, abandonment is a fear I live with daily, even when it makes no sense in my circumstances. It's never left me.

I had the same fear and it will take time to heal this.. I am not saying I am over it but life as it is has taken alot of my loved ones to heaven and the feelings of Abandonment was unreal 💔. I noticed I feared rejection and I always had to be a step ahead and reject others before they got to do it to me.. it done me no favors only installed more fear of Abandonment and rejection. Now I am a bit easier on myself and accept that I can never abandon myself cos I did that too with addiction. I had the best mother in the world who loved and adored me. Much more love than my bio mother could have ever offered. I am blessed today and never knowing who my father was still has its grip on me at times. I asked many times who he was and was told lie after lie that destroyed me. But today its not like this . I am not saying I don't care who it was but I have survived without him .. weird how I spelt this out but the search is ongoing I suppose of my identity only in my mind as I know I will never know the truth and I've accepted it as I had no choice. We are survivors never forget it !

@@lorenzmuller3542 this is exactly how I feel. I feel homesick so often even though I basically never leave my house

@pinupgirl1949 2 years ago So sorry for you, join the club. It's truly debilitating. Two books that may help you understand things, are both by the same author: Nancy Newton Verrier : "Coming Home To Self" & "Primal Wound" Hope it helps you.

you all prolly dont care but does someone know of a way to log back into an Instagram account? I stupidly forgot the password. I would love any tips you can give me!

@London Kalel instablaster ;)

@Clayton Eden I really appreciate your reply. I got to the site thru google and Im waiting for the hacking stuff now. Looks like it's gonna take a while so I will reply here later with my results.

@Clayton Eden it did the trick and I now got access to my account again. I'm so happy! Thank you so much, you really help me out!

@London Kalel happy to help =)

Add being a different race and treated different by EVERYONE because of race!

I am so sorry for your situation. I hope you’ve found a counselor or support as you go through this.🙏

I feel you

@@t.j.7789 You as an adoptee are in a way like family to me. Let me tell you something. I was created in Oneonta NY and sold in Dallas Texas. I am more white then my purchasers are. But I came from a nuroatypical line on both sides. Every single time I turned around I was wrong no matter how hard I tried. Race is a problem with legalized human trafickers no doubt about that. However you need to know that the curse of being an adoptee sold outside of your family is that no matter what you do or look like or how hard you try you don't belong there and it's no one's fault but the grownups for causing all of the confusion and unnatural and unnessisary human trafficking.

@@t.j.7789 I can get how you continually were aware of the diferences by peoples reactions and questions. I am an adoptee and struggle to see how adoptive parents can do this.. I allways felt like that piece of the jigsaw that got mixed into the wrong box and someone is trying to make it fit but it doesn't. For me even as same hetitage as adoptive parents as a kid I hated being told by people who didnt know that I looked like my adoptive mother.

I Feel you… i had 6 weeks when i was adopted… my bio mom just gave me away. Now i cannot love my family, all of them are a source of trauma even though they are good people. Just… i cant.

Me too. What books did you read as an adult? Anything help?

​@@soniacz3829 my mom gave my brother up at birth. The trauma of the 6 week adoption gap is probably the biggest factor, but i wonder if the inability to feel love the same way as your adoptive family could also be genetic. My family is cold and loveless, and i honestly feel similarly about them as a lot of adoptees feel about their birth parents. I think it takes a certain kind of unfeeling, unloving person to give up a child and i think it might stay with you as a character trait until you do the work to undo it

@@dougsonjahoezee8299 As an adoptee Two books I found interesting and helpful were both by the same author : Nancy Newton Verrier "Coming Home To Self" and "Primal Wound" Give it a whizz , You'll be glad you did !

4 weeks

Hi Matt. Fellow adoptee here. It sucks.

@Matt-jo4nz 1 year ago I didn't initially think that adoption was my root problem cause until I did my own research. My subconscious has a very good and fast memory , even if my conscious memory thinks of nothing. I found the book by Nancy Newton Verrier "Coming Home To Self" very informative and useful .

How many therapists is that? I can’t imagine a therapist ignoring adoption trauma. Glad you’re healing

We should do as much as possible to support biological parents to keep their children. Supervised, living in homes , etc etc etc. I’ve known many adopted kids in many situations and ALL have deep trauma no matter their adoptive parents. Also, I had pretty bad trauma and cortisol as a pregnant woman (severe eye trauma, full thickness cornea transplant at 8 months pregnant (after multiple months of amoeba which was severe pain + stress + full time job), almost died in childbirth due to severe pre eclampsia and severe hemorrhage) and my son is completely well adjusted so far at 2 years old… So high cortisol in pregnancy doesn’t equal a traumatized child - if child is able to bond to a nurturing , SUPPORTED bio mom after birth and ongoing.

​@@projectmoon13 I'd say its probably more common than you might think. Today? Maybe not... But 10, 20, 30+ years ago? Absolutely. I went to a child psychologist for about 6 years in the mid 2000s... I suppose because I was acting out, doing poor in school, and my (adopted) parents didn't know how to handle it. Therapist knew that I was adopted, that I was having difficulty concentrating, emotional disregulation... (General trauma symptoms) To boot, he even knew that I was routinely "crossdressing", and that I have consistent thoughts of longing to be a woman (textbook gender dysphoria stuff). His diagnosis? "Ma'am, your child is acting out because he has Oppositional Defiant Disorder". Now I'm finding out that I have strong autism, adhd, and trauma symptoms... and of course, I'm transgender. So yeah, I really don't have a hard time believing a child therapist might ignore adoption trauma. Particularly in decades past.

Go for it, please write your book. As a 55 yo man who was adopted I can say the world needs to know.

I think i better got separate from my family lol

@Gemma Dann no there are definitely situations where the baby should steer clear of there parents

@Gemma Dann oh I agree with that. It just bothers me when people (not you ) act like it's always best for mother and child to be together. I think I'm a living example of that lol.

@@randomname1875 Yes but not the information of who they are

Exactly!!!

Yes and the repeated trauma associated with the secrecy, including the government's role and adoption agency's role in hiding and altering records, such as the birth certificate and other adoption paperwork.

@@darryla7603 There is a book called Reimagining Adoption and The Adoption Triangle. Excellent books and very healing.

There is a book called Reimagining Adoption and The Adoption Triangle. Excellent books and very healing.

Adoption Triangle ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-uDkh9IMTiiI.html

I’m curious is this something you always thought of or something you picked up recently in the last decade or so

Interesting Robert. I was adopted from a city 4 hours from my home. I always had this memory of seeing this small hill with houses from this city I was adopted from. Well long story short, we visited this area when I was a child on holiday. I saw the same hill and houses as in my memory. Well I was a baby of 6 weeks when I had originally seen this area. I have to agree with you.

Robert I am so glad to see your comment was talking about preverbal memories etc with therapist today.." separated" at birth in incubator for weeks in hospital for months then institutional care for months.

@@deezer161 draw your memories and talk about the drawing

@@majk7215 draw the memory then talk about it

This is interesting. I was not adopted, but we had a house fire when I was 2 years old. I remember the house and certain events that happened there, but not the fire. My baby brother died in the fire. I was hospitalized with first, second and third degree burns. I still have scars on my right hand and wrist. I don't remember the fire or the hospital time, but I remember things before and after that. I get anxiety when people do things around fire that I perceive as "unsafe". Like around fireworks, or fire pits etc. I like a fire in a fire pit, or fireplace or campfire etc., but I don't like it when it seems "unsafe" to me, like kids getting too close. I'm not sure its really unsafe, I just think I am hyper sensitive around it. I wonder if there are memories that I am unaware of from that traumatic event in my childhood.

You have a wise and strong adoptive mother.

Going through the same. Feel so guilty

Barney Torres thank you for sharing. I am soon 54 and am also really struggling. My adopted mother died last year and my birth mother has shown me through her own shortcomings that the grass was already green after my insatiable search for my ‘home land’ it’s a tad baron if honest. A constant ache in sola plex!! I hear you x x x

It's so hard even as an adult, when your birth mother rejects you for a second time. I was adopted at 3 weeks old and at 60 I found my birth mother via a DNA match with a second cousin. My birth mother was delighted to know I was alive and well and had had a great childhood, but she refuses to tell her 6 childrenmy half siblings about me for fear they will judge her. Her husband did know about me but he has passed on. I spoke to her once by phone as she lives in tne US and I live in the UK and the whole phone call was all about her and her fear of her children judging her. I don't think she ever once stopped to think about how that was making me feel, like I was something she was ashamed of. I told her I won't contact them while she is alive but I told her I will be contacting them after she has passed on as I believe they have a right to know they have a big sister and they can decide for themselves if they want to get to know me or not. I'm not sure I can be bothered speaking to her again as I don't think she will change her mind and we will only be going over the same conversation again and again. Adoptees spend their lives trying to please people and are then punished for something their parents did that was not their fault. 😢

40% suicide rate? Are you that stupid?

Thank you.

@@lenorepaletta9267 My pleasure Lenore. I appreciate therapists trying to understand us adoptees better and I like to throw them some encouragement and experiential knowledge that only adoptees will really understand or maybe kidnap victims.

@@brianjames9946 sorry for replying so late. I dont know if its the same for every adoptee but for me personally I have huge issues trusting people and letting anyone get to close to me. Could have something to do with being lied to about my birth mom took me 19 years until I found out the truth. again sorry for the necro

@@saywhat7734 No Problem at all. Sorry I didn't realize you were also an adoptee. We need more adoptee therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists so keep it up please :)

@@brianjames9946 Uhm Im not a therapist wayy to unstable for even a normal job :/ I appreciate therapists like the one who made this video trying to understand us adoptees more due to it being hard to explain in the first place. Weird question but when you were younger did you also have the same dream over and over of the day you were taken from your birth mother? I know it seems weird since infants arent supposed to be able to form a memory before the age of 3 this video just brought that back up.

my family has been ravaged by adoption. thank you for commenting, i needed this.

I can unfortunately confirm this

I’m an only adopted [closed case] child. Our experiences differ but I feel every bit of your words.

You sound horrible, really awful. I am sorry for your loss, but I truly feel sorry for your “adopters ,” who may have suffered losses of their own. And were brave enough to push past that and offer love and a home anyway. You act as if those strong, brave people who tried are less than nothing to you. You seem so full of yourself, only concerned about your needs, your hurts, your wants. You may have a deep wound that seems as if it will never heal, and I am truly sorry, but it doesn’t mean you can’t have character. No one gets through this life without their share of grief and sorrow. You just don’t have to act as if yours is the only one that counts.

Not trying to invalidate your experience but blood relation isn’t the only valid familial relation and not every birth mother is capable of raising their child at the time.

I can understand why you reacted that way. So hard for a little one to be shipped around. How are you now and how have you managed to go forward?

@@ritataylor6335 I’m doing the best that I can now. I speak about my adoption a lot. And I connect with fellow adoptees and bond over it.

@Gemma Dann it was actually my biological mother. There were some loop holes that she used to her advantage. And traumatized me. I couldn’t sleep over anyone’s house until I was 18 years old because I was terrified that when I woke up my parents would be gone forever.

@Gemma Dann my mother; was 17 years old at this point, had no idea what she was doing. I had gone through custody with a few different family members prior to the foster system. Once in Foster care I went to a family in PA (I’m from the Boston area) and my mother found me, literally; I AM ABSOLUTELY steadfast when I say this, kidnapped me and his me away in her sister’s college dorm room in a laundry basket. It only took a couple of days before I was found. And then went back into foster care and was adopted by my parents. That all happened before I hit age three.

@amandayell6231 2 years ago As an adoptee myself two books that helped me understand things (Not cure ) were both by the same author - Nancy Newton Verrier. "Coming Home to Self" and "Primal Wound" Maybe these might help you.

As an adoptee Two books I found interesting and helpful were both by the same author : Nancy Newton Verrier "Coming Home To Self" and "Primal Wound" Give it a whizz , You'll be glad you did !

Maybe you could start an organisation for all the fathers this has happened to. I saw a similar story last week with a father losing his daughter through Bethany Christian services. This shouldn't be happening.

@@savagebunny1440 I’d like to do something. I wish I could get the laws changed. Most people don’t even know about this. Everyone including myself all figured I had rights. I didn’t realize my ex’s parents had been studying for months about adoption and had everything set in motion behind my back. What’s crazy was it was like I was seen as the bad guy for trying to stop the adoption. As if my son was the adoptive parents’ all along and I was just some mean person trying to take away their baby. Basically the way the laws are, even if you do what they say you’re supposed to, if a woman wants the child to be adopted, then there is nothing you can do to stop it. The adoptive family offered me open adoptive if I would have stopped fighting. I said no why would I just stop. Then I lost and now they’re like you get nothing except a yearly update in an email and can send gifts to a PO Box. They won’t even have the decency to send me a photo. Which they claim is because the birth mother, my ex doesn’t want me to have one. This has been one of the worst and most devastating things to ever happen in my life. I’ll never be right. I guess some men would be happy to get rid of their ex and not have to raise a child. I know for sure that this has been a learning experience. I will never again date a woman who has a mental illness. I will never again have a child with someone if I don’t see displays of being able to be a mother. I guess I should have known better. But what can you do when you love someone and believe in them? I believed she could do it while everyone else said she couldn’t. I should have listened. Now I have to suffer the consequences.

​@@james_daniels- That is so unfair. If I were you I would do some DNA tests on different sites so that when your so is older if he does one he will automatically match with you. Also if you know the adoption agency, leave a letter on his file so when he is 18 he can access it and find you. That way he can see you always wanted to look after him and it wasn't your fault.

Thanks so much for sharing. These are also things I worry about - having a biological child as an adoptee

I was looking for the comment

Exactly, this the idea of adoption is sold to vulnerable women as the correct/ moral thing to do, when it is in fact the complete opposite,

@@conor1111jaofnwosnwoa exactly we need to find resources instead of having the system pressuring us to give our children up to strangers

@@breytonlemons5254 I wish other people thought the same, the whole system seems rotten to the core.. breaks my heart

@@conor1111jaofnwosnwoa i myself was in the system I've been in one foster home where im still living i was never mistreated in no way shape or form by the people who raised me just because i was raised in a nice home doesn't mean im not aware what's going on my foster mom thinks i don't have no business speaking on the social ills of adoption because it didn't happen to me or how do i know it happens in the system that's like say i shouldn't speak on police brutality because i haven't experienced it when millions of people are victims of gunfire by police

That’s an interesting point about guardianship. Takes us to the definition of what is a parent. Although it’s easier to try to form a deeper bond with somebody you call a parent or child.

I’m so sorry for what you had to go through.. I hope my son doesn’t feel this way when he is older. I am a man who had a child with a women who gave up our son for adoption. She planned it behind my back before he was born. I never consented. I fought all the way and spent tens of thousands of dollars. In the end the judge terminated my rights because she said I couldn’t prove that I supported my ex. I hope someday he knows his daddy at least wanted him. My ex does have open adoption with him so I hope maybe that will help some abandonment issues if they may arise. They won’t allow me to have open adoption at the moment now because my ex said no and because they’re mad I fought to keep him. Almost like I’m being punished for trying to keep my son. They won’t even give me a photo of him. I’m 32 and was an addict in my early twenties so I know how hard that is. I’ll never be able to understand your pain of feeling abandoned and not being able to get close to others. I hope and pray you feel and get better. Please hang on. You’re worth it.

It goes without saying that the adoptive parents are doing the best they can in most cases; this is about the adoptee. My adoptive family was loving and solid, but I still have struggled with the effects of trauma my whole life..I’m 54 now.

Some adoptive parents as well as being well meaning and doing a reasonable job of providing for their kids... just didnt want to know or acknowledge their or their own loss pain or unhappiness or raw feelings of their kid.. and the kid was partly rejected and judged for being affected by their trauma. How could a kid make sense or explain fully even when they tried if they were gaslit and fobbed off or told they should be grateful... or shamed as unwanted and illegitimate.... trying to meet the parents needs for the child they couldn't have and denying supressing their own inner emotional reality trying to be a good child despite it all.

Ok let's investigate what you are saying with these baby purchasers. You are saying that these people are just wonderful altruistic folks that open their homes to us poor unwanted waifs with no ulterior motives just for our own good. In most cases I disagree with you. In most cases these are rich and or influincial people who have mental health issues caused by years of infertility. They can't have their own baby and they feel bad and ineffectual and less than because of that, and maybe it's even true. They also have built up this incredible and elaborate fantasy in the years of not having a baby of what such a child could be and there is little to no room for a real baby. While all of this is regrettable and sad these people's therapists and phychatrists have yet to repair them and it is certainly highly abusive to expect an infant or young child to have to deal with people like this and on top of all of that our own traumas and identity issues as well as all the the false non identifying information and gaslighting along with how greatful for all of it we are told we should be.

I hope that they are devistated and they grow up and realize half truths are whole lies and their participation in the legalized human trafficking industry was not asked for or desired and that at least a few of us myself included would have perfered the few minutes it would have taken to be cut to pieces and vaccummed out of our mothers as opposed to being forced into 18 years with them.

The Primal Wound is a crucial read for the adoptive parents as well as the adoptee. As an adoptee, I have experienced horrible pain from my primal wound but I do acknowledge my adoptive parents did their best. I wish they had read the book before adopting me and understanding the trauma I carried with me and not to take it personally which people inevitably do when lacking this info.

hi Bob, i would be interested in reading what you have developed on this, if you are ok with that. how to do that youtube comments I have no idea though!

@@convictjoe Link to articles independent.academia.edu/RobertHafetz www.academia.edu/35189016/Therapeutic_Intervention_Model_for_Adoptive_Families My email is roberthafetz@verizon.net phone 267-337-4548 contact me

Bob I am middle aged my body and brain is worn out with the pain and stress of it all and the repercussions. Mindful meditation helps but does not help me accept the past history that is spiritual for me. Not able to do yoga gym anymore loads of health issues not adressed so how do I release the trapped tension.. getting medical help soon but there is permanent damage done. Will look into getting your book or research... Thankyou

That is interesting Carolina. I am glad you ended up in a safe environment. I was adopted at 6 weeks. I had loving but very strict parents. I have discussed this with my husband who is not adopted. He too was raised strictly but in a colder environment. He could not remember ever being hugged or feeling secure. His conclusion was that it perhaps does not matter if you are an adopted or biological child if your parents have baggage or repeat what they know it makes no difference. I think he may have a point there.

Thanks for sharing, I can relate… these comments are insightful to me as an adoptee at birth…

I'm weeping this is me omg I tried i thought me having my son would build it but it didnt.

interesting.

@@tessmoore3762 Are you being skeptical and sarcastic? lol

Same thing for me. I always knew.

Wow same, I remember so vividly the day that my adoptive parents told me that they were not my biological parents. Strangely, I neither felt nor registered any "shock" or "surprise". It was like I already knew too on a deeply intuitive level... that is not to say that I did not have trauma to be cleared however, which has made itself a lot more evident now that I am older, and I believe strong enough to face it.

Happened the same to me. I always new and would ask questions about it for my parents, especially my mother, and they would always hide the truth from me and make me feel guilty and sometimes even insane for wanting answers. I got the truth during my teenage years and it was the most hurtful experience of my life to get to know about the biological parents and also recall so many memories of things that I have heard and things done to me by my adoptive family not only evolving the fact that I was the adopted one but other situations that i don't even want to mention because of how hurtful they are.

As an adoptee myself I recommend Coming Home To Self and Primal Wound , both by Nancy Newton Verrier. An author and counsellor with experience in adoption issues.

It is my understanding that they didn't just leave babies there for weeks before they could get adopted but rather wanted to watch the babies for 6 wks to make sure they were ok and somehow thought this was the best thing..... They just didn't realize so much then, unfortunately!!! It was 6 wks across the board for everybody though, that was policy. I think women's groups such as the junior league would volunteer n go rock n feed etc too. It was 7wks with me as there was a virus in the nursery n they wouldn't let me go till they knew I wasn't going to get sick n be ok. Kinda stupid if u think about it, if they are going to hand me over to these ppl to care for the rest of my life, don't they think I'll be sick at some point n if they can't trust them to take care of me sick, they shouldn't give me to them! Lol smh

@@jangayle7960 I didn't know that Jan, very interesting. I was actually born and adopted in New Zealand, 1968 to be exact. Adoption was so common at that time wasn't it. My mother (mother who adopted me, I am afraid I am an adopted person who believes she only has one mother and that the person who birthed me will never hold that title), said that she was told she was getting a boy and another couple were going to get me. When they both got there at same time they were able to do a swap as my Mum wanted a girl and they wanted a boy. Much less complicated back then for sure, just a quick change of paper work 😁☺️

@@majk7215 Oh no, I'm with you on the who my parents are,!! The other ppl are my biological parents. But OH DEAR LAWDS,!!! I can not believe they let them just swap like that! Lol That is pretty wild!! I know my moma would have swapped n got the boy if she could have!!! Lol I just recently lost my last parent n I got the letters they(moma really) wrote to the children's home n she just kept on n on about how she could not wait to get her boy!!😕 Lol Its not like I didn't realize she was partial to my brother at this point, but man was it obvious then!! Then after they got me, at the end of that letter she makes sure they know they'll be ready to come get that boy as soon as they have them one!!! 🙃 Smh. Kinda hate I can't tell them your story!! Moma would be so jealous!! Ha! But yes, the 6 wks, that was the custom then, it wasn't a matter of waiting till somebody wanted you, it was they would not let the babies be released till 6 wks old to make sure we were ok!!😕🙄 Lol sorry for the faces but some just require it!! So you were NOT just left till somebody wanted you n it may seem common back then, prior to abortion being legal here in US but there were long waiting lists n couples were clamouring for babies!!! If they made biological parents go through what all our parents went through to get us there would not be a population problem now!! It was quite extensive!!!! There really wasn't anything I guess my parents haven't told me about, probably because I've always been so inquisitive, but I imagine everything but anything to do with identifying info they told me. I am not sure how closely the rules were in New Zealand but I can't imagine it was vastly different. N im just a hair above you, born in 64, final papers not till a year later, as per rules. I'd be happy to share everything with you I know n would love to compare notes, that would be pretty cool!!! But, as you can see, I'm not the writer,! My X laughed at me when I got to Hemingway in English comp at college, he told me I'd love him because we write alike with 3 or 4 run on sentences n I'll admit I've gotten much worse with texting vocabulary plus my own abbreviations n throw in a few medical abbreviations n it does take some work esp if I'm wound up!🤓😄

Do you still have your parents?

@@majk7215 oh n were u given any pictures of you being a newborn infant? That's always kinda bugged me, I have zero pics of me prior to almost 2 months old.😔

Wow, that was a very sad and abusive environment to grow up in. So sorry to hear this story. You never signed up for that.

I am so sorry that was your experience. I'm an adoptee, but I was raised an only child - no brothers or sisters. I can't imagine being labelled "the adopted one" or the other abuses you describe. Virtual bear hug, but as an adoptee I suspect hugs aren't the most comfortable thing :)

Wow, Lisa. So sorry that happened. I hope you have found real love and caring people since then. Some people can be so cruel.

Were your adopted parents loving? I’m just curious if even in a loving environment, there can still be trauma.

I have found most the people I know who weee adopted have trauma and emotional distress from it even when they grew up with loving adopted parents. But they try to hide it from their adoptive parents out of fear of hurting them.

@@victor03000 I would say, absolutely

I’m so sorry you found out so late ,

@@katiez688 and being rejected a second time.

Thank you for your post and testimony as it is valuable.

Genius .

@A O He was 3 years old at the time and suffering from flashbacks. I had seen his brother only a few times during supervised visits. He is six now and a great kid :)

@Customer Service Obsessed He wasn't lying, he was confusing memories. It can be worked through. Obviously Anna is aware of it and helping him.

The merging of the biological and adoptive parents sounds very intriguing to me.

Loneliness is horrible. I have similar experience as an adoptee. Been going through a suicidal wave lately and it's so exhausting to just cope.

@@derekdowney3119 As an adoptee myself two books that helped me understand things (Not cure ) were both by the same author - Nancy Newton Verrier. "Coming Home to Self" and "Primal Wound"

@Nate-gv4ph 1 year ago As an adoptee myself two books that helped me understand things (Not cure ) were both by the same author - Nancy Newton Verrier. "Coming Home to Self" and "Primal Wound"

I also was adopted along with my twin. It sounds horrible that you were withheld info that most people take for granted. Hang in there!

That’s extremely shady. I’m so sorry your parents have been withholding information you have a right to know.

I don't know how old you are but I think sometimes adoptive parents are trying to keep their adopted children 'safe' until they are 18 and emotionally old enough to handle it all. They want them to have a childhood without the shadow of birth parents hanging over them. Then when you are 18 you can legally access your file and find out who your birth parents are should you wish to. Some adoptees don't choose to search until they are older or when they have become parents themselves or their adoptive parents have passed away or whatever. Some are happy not knowing and some have a burning desire to know where they came from. Everyone is different.

Fr

But only one set is real

@@conor1111jaofnwosnwoa that's so untrue real parents are the ones who stayed raised loved and cared for me not the one who left my bio mother alone with 2 children so she had to give her child up.

@@randomname1875 you have one mother and one father, everything else is a social construct. I’m sorry for you bad life experiences

@@conor1111jaofnwosnwoa you obviously don't understand what a real family is but I've never even met my bio parents I have no connections to those people why do they get to be my parents when they did nothing to raise me?

So what is the solution? Should people not adopt.

Internally I'm lost,can't feel affection or hate ,never felt connected to anyone , thing, or place ! Trying to understand what affects me !

Why were they not ur brothers and sisters? Not being rude but if I found out tomorrow my sisters and me weren't biologically related all along I would grieve the loss of DNA but that bond for the last 20 years won't just go in the trash n they become "strangers"

@@sharkisland5931 because I didn't know it at the time but they were native and I wasn't

@@shanawesthoff9622 the solution is to try and maintain family connections wherever possible. If a birth parent can't raise their child, is there a grandparent or aunt or cousin that can? There's a lot of research on the importance of having genetic mirroring in your household, so if you can find someone who still shares a lot of the child's genes, it's SO much better for their mental health. If there's nobody else in the family that can take the child in, are there at least relatives that can be in the child's life? That won't be as good as living with them, but it still helps for a child to know their genetic relatives and feel that inherent sense of family and belonging that doesn't exist in genetic strangers.

As an international adoptee from a Romanian orphanage (the exact country she’s referring to with that statement), I can GUARANTEE you that very few people even know there was a genocide in Romania, let alone anything about the details. It’s offensive that she said pop culture knows anything about this. Developmental psychologists and neuroscientists know about this. Not the general public.

@@aliioana8586 Hello, Ioana! I am also from Romania. I've read a lot about the horrible state of the "orphanages" back in Ceauşescu's regime and I am horrified to know that was real! Of course, what was uncovered will never grasp the magnitude of damage those places did... I am so sorry for what you must have gone through! My heart and well wishes go out to you 🤗 I hope you know what a fighter you are, a survivor that keeps going! I am discussing with my husband the option of adopting a child as I have a history of depression (both myself and generational) and I'm scared of being pregnant as it would lead to hormonal imbalances and possibly severe post-partum depression. I have been in therapy for a few years and it's been an immense help. Being an empath has always seemed like a bad thing to me, making me susceptible to emotional manipulation, poor boundaries, a people pleaser and so on. I've been working hard at adressing those issues and can genuinely say I'm in a totally different place than I was back in my 20's. I am looking to educate myself on the topic of adoption and stumbled across this video. Honestly, it seems a bit... demoralizing. I cannot speak from the perspective of an adoptee as I am not one myself. Having said that, speaking from the perspective of someone who has had to claw their way out of generational trauma, to work really hard on healing and accepting myself, I can say that all children are fighters, trying to cope in their own ways, trying to make the best of the cards they have been dealt at birth. I admire those who look within themselves and adress the issues they find. It is brave, in my opinion. This is why this video seems belitteling to me. I would love to read your perspective. Also, as someone who has gone through the adoption process, made more challenging by the change of language and culture, what is your opinion on adoption, bonding with adoptive parents and so on. Thank you for taking the time to read this long comment (if you had the time) and sorry for rambling! 😅

It is a noble thing to give a home to an orphan..... be open, honest and fun loving with your child. Be educated in separation trauma from the mother, child development, and on love languages (how your child needs to be loved to feel love). Develop your child's innate gifts and talents. Have a strong support system.......And last but not least, pray to the Lord for wisdom to love and raise your child. You will then be a great parent. And God will bless you......the rewards are eternal 😇.

As an adoptee I don't feel it should be stopped, I feel it should be done in an educated and empathetic way. Just go in with eyes wide open. Babies still need somebody to raise them when their bio parents don't.

^^Both the replies are everything that's right with the world^^

​@@teamtwe- There are very few 'orphans' up for adoption these days where both their birth parents are deceased.

@TonyBurke100 2 months ago Try reading "Primal Wound" & "Coming Home To Self" Nancy Newton Verrier it helped me understand things.

Totally agree.

Im 37 year old and just found out....Dude...my whole life is explained here. Feeling angry and excited at the same time. its like I found the missing puzzle piece.

Oh I really loathe my purchasers for their abuses and neglect and lies

Oh so you're saying there are boundaries with what you are supposed to feel when you are taught that a lie is keeping correct information from someone who has a right to it. I think there should be boundaries about how many right people who think they can buy a baby and remake this babies identity into whatever these so called parents expect and only have the warm body remaining of the child. You give these people way too much credit most of them are not good people they are very selfish people.

I still have no right to legally severe their paperwork or get my real birth certificate and I only now got a full medical history via ancestory. My advice to my fellow adoptees is don't believe a word they tell you alot of unidentifying info is obscured or just lies and most of the time you will he better off when you find your family and ask them.

@@megnemo6403 Couldent agree more about not trusting your adoptive parents by law they were supposed to give me all the information about my birth parents when I turned 18 dident receive my birth certificate and the truth until I was 19. They kept giving me hope I would be able to meet my birth mother turns out she has been dead 8 years and they kept it from me. Dont trust a word they tell you.

@@saywhat7734 I'm so sorry my mother also died before I found her too. There is no comfort in this all we can do is spread awareness and fight for the generations that follow us. I wish I could hug you and make it all stop but alas I can't.

You are loved. 🥺💜

I hope and pray that God will heal every broken area in your life and heart. Amen! 💜

@@dianishamitchell 💚💚💚 I want to adopt because I can relate and help a child who needs a home! I hope I can do the same! Never wished for any child to be without a family!

@lizdestefano4905 1 year ago (edited) Two books I recommend that helped me understand adoption were by Nancy Newton Verrier (Birth mother adoptee mother and counsellor) "Coming Home To Self" and "Primal Wound"

Coming Home To Self & Primal Wound both by Nancy Newton Verrier - Helped me.

I’m so sorry 😞

I get told I'm wrong all the time when I say that CPS/DHS etc are trafficking even despite their own research stating most the abuse and trafficking comes from them. I haven't personally dealt with them but have countless family members x's and friends who have and used to watch a YT channel that constantly covered cases of what you speak of. I also, being an adoptee, did my senior project on adoption, wanted to be a foster parent, and back in 2004 encountered many hidden and ugly truths about CPS/DHS/etc. (I've been called a conspiracy theorist when I try to put out truthful information about what the government agencies are doing, despite it being so well documented) the brainwashing of society is very real and it's frustrating to watch for as long as I have in many areas of "reality"... it's infuriating when you're labeled as sick, crazy, unable to function, stupid, delusional, etc, even though your doctors and shrinks insist you're above average IQ, correct, and so on... and know that you're witnessing an insane society. I concluded years ago and my doctors agree, that, I'm not the " sick " or crazy one, society is sick. so for a sick society to say I'm the sick one I wear it as a badge of honor. doesn't make the isolation any less painful or the hurtful names and crazy accusations and labels less damaging, I definitely have to talk myself up more than I should to counter the negativity thrown my way, but, I'm glad I'm not them and don't want to be... I'm sorry for what's been done to you and your child, it really is an injustice and I won't lie and say "I'm sure things will work out" or "one day things will be better" because that's not true. it's criminal what's been done to you and every second that you are separated from your child, is pain suffering and damage that should have never happened in the first place by, quite frankly, an illegal court and authoritative agency, and this crime/these crimes, we're done to two people, you and your child. as well as every other parent(s) and child/ren this is and has been done to. I know it's just one case, but the case of Logan Marr really upsets me. mostly because it happened so long ago and the problem continues but it ended in the death of a child that was taken for no good reason, mostly over the moms mother disagreeing with how the mom was raising her daughter and calling CPS on her own daughter. how many bs calls do these places get where the children are removed and lives are forever ruined. I know I'm speaking to the choir here, I'm sorry again that this happened to you. I really hope you're able to get you're child back (id say if you do leave your state to one where you won't be pursued by them as much. it's not a great way to live but this world is controlled by pedophiles and inbred psychopaths, so, justice being served is, at this point, with the brainwashed masses, nothing more than wishful thinking, sadly.) I truly wish nothing but the best for you 🕉 🙏🏼नमस्ते🙏🏼 (ηαмαѕтє)

My son was also abducted in my opinion. I’m the father though. My ex put our son up for adoption and I never consented. I contested the adoption and hired a lawyer but I lost. For the stupidest reason too.

My daughter-in-law was adopted at age 10 after being in a Russian orphanage for about 1 year. Yes, neglect, abuse, so much hurt. The family here adopted 3 others at the same time. They never really made them feel like they were their own. They treated them differently than they did their own birth children. It made it even harder. We have tried to be a real family for our daughter-in-law. We love her dearly and are so glad she is part of our family.

I was adopted after 25 months in a Romanian orphanage. Are you familiar with the work of Dr. Bruce Perry? He’s a psychiatrist and neuroscientist, and is the world’s leading expert on early childhood trauma and the brain.

There are for adoptive parents but I've never come across any for adoptees.

I lived this experience, sheer hell, I would have PREFERRED being ABORTED!!!

@@t.j.7789 for me it's just confusing I don't know mu culture or anything but I get to be part of another culture so I don't see a problem but it's different for everyone.

Wow... yeah, my adoptive household was run by a narcissist. :(

@A O That’s the dumbest and most disrespectful comment ever.

@Customer Service Obsessed Way to announce that you're a hateful, ignorant incel.

Wow, that’s my story right now!,

@@rianrahimi3226 be strong ❤ I know how hard it is ..