Beyond the basics. Recommended by therapists worldwide, The Little Shaman's RU-vid channel about narcissists and narcissism. Author of 'Transrelational Healing' and the 'On Narcissists' series. Helping you understand and heal from toxic relationships. Appointments and consultations available. www.littleshaman.org
Brilliant 🤩 I’m in love with a lady who has high narcissistic traits, which I’m guessing is more akin to emotional immaturity. Checking it all out I’ve come to realise that I too have shown narcissistic traits in the past and I’ve been aware of my own emotional immaturity for some time. After watching this brilliant vid, I’m going to see if our relationship can survive (ended it a few weeks ago after feeling rather stressed about it all) now I have a hugely better understanding of what’s going on. I know I know, against all the advice, however, to be enjoyed and with the safety net of being able to walk away completely if needs. Thank you again for this great explanation 🙏🏻😊. I’ll practice the calm and amused smile (if just to myself) whilst seeing her as a child when the confusing stuff appears, feels like a good basis to work from.
I had to hide myself from my mother. She was really confused when I didn’t behave like her. She was beautiful; I was plain and ugly. I was smart; she thought men didn’t like smart women so she played dumb. I became fat; she chewed gum to keep from eating.
My covert brother manages to not recognize that employees that were his victims 20 years ago turned into abusers. Over many years they learned how weak he truly is and how easily they can manipulate him. Within 2 years, since he started eorking there, he managed to have a bar with 3 mini bosses who play with him, mock him and elevate themselves above their co-workers. He turned into their enabler. He even ignores open mockery. He can read nothing, he understands nothing, he even laughs with them to appease them when they make jokes about him. He never realized that the roles switched, he still thinks he is boss.
I watched my narcissistic (very much overt) brother try to get into movies .. he wanted to ‘practice’ for these roles with me and I noticed a complete lack of his ability to pretend a particular situation that called for emotions … it was embarrassing to watch him try .. but then the demon decided to target me for narcissistic supply when he ran out of all his other supply .. it became very dangerous for me and I fled by moving 4.5 hrs away … I thought his 3 adults weren’t visiting him because their uncle was staying at their Dads house .. I learned, rather painfully, that nope .. it was him, though I don’t know if they know what he is .. all I know is I will not expose myself to his world any more and have gone no contact
Narcissists have no right to sense the Reality, it is a part of their "contract" with infernal forces. It is no matter how intensely you would explain to him/it what actually happens. They will stay on what they "think" is right. And you will lose. Thank You!!:))!!💫🌞💖✨🍀
They can't read intentions either. They believe everything is purposefully done to them. Projection is thier biggest tell of what is inside them and what they do.
I think the narcs live in their own fantasy where rules apply to mainly benefit them and their goal is to gaslight others to believe in their bs cult mindset. They get that disturbing smirk when they think they successfully fooled you in following their fantasy rules. My ex narc friend is getting her head filled with things that compliment her at expense of my value, resulting in her holding her nose high, getting more attached to this manipulating guy and making out of me a Disney villain caricature. It didn't matter that I was clear that I didn't like how we barely talked, talking to a wall was more exciting. Her boyfriend twisted the situation by convincing her that I am just jealous that she got a better life now, a boyfriend, a house, he even included healthy pets of all things... As a friend of 16 years I was supporting her in everything as long it wasn't toxic but she was focusing on problems that did not really even exist and it started developing when she got together with this guy from a trashy dating app, all to stroke her insecure ego at my expense and turned her into a delusional hater.
The remote control analogy is 100% spot on. I see that so clearly within my relationship. He is in his late 60’s now and has a hard time understanding that I see through that and knows he has to seek new supply to adapt.
VERY impressive dissection, really hit the spot. “They talk AT you not WITH you, it’s a one-way street, their way or the highway”. It’s not reciprocal energy it’s their energy, they’re unresponsive to another’s perspective.
It seems like we’re all narcissists when we’re in our heads with our personal stories and memories (ie egos) but we’re genuinely empathetic when we’re, shall we say, in our hearts and able to feel beyond our own experiences. That being said, could it be that even some empathetic sensations like care, concern, etc are also projection? I tend to believe so. Like, lots of people pleasers are projecting out their own unmet needs onto caregiving, martyrdom, or empathic tendencies directed towards others. So I think a lot of what we think of as compassion can sometimes actually be projection.
Excellent! I asked a Christian Influencer today in a long conversation. When I asked if he could recognize an empathetic carpenter he stopped responding, and posted vague scripture. 😊
I just realized, instead of a psychology orator lecturing to a crowd of individuals, I think psychologists should be in a crowd, listening to individuals. Like, wow! Think about it and you will see. Shrinks would be able to help x multiples more patients, and patients would get x multiple times the help, more considered and more eyes and minds seeing their problems. 15 mins in 'the chair' in front of say 40 doctors, would be equivalent of 10 hrs of work by a single doctor. And each doctor can see, listen, and contribute to 4 patients per hour, 28 per day. I think a key might be that there is no 'chief' or lead doctor, who has authority in the group. Develop a way, (maybe it wasn't possible until AI or maybe not, lol) a way of merging the opinions, maybe we can put philosophers to work, Idk, but something that big needs a lot more input and thought BUT I believe it would not only work, it would be superior healthcare. I know that the 'therapy' component isn't going to scale fully for a patient, who may benefit just from more time in that setting with objective company, but the point is to heal people faster. A new look therapy will emerge from the new style of diagnosis and treatment. Maybe an hour on a couch once a week becomes a legit prescription. But, maybe a report from 40 doctors with a consensus on your narcissism, or instant confirmation that your partner is an abuser from the same, will set people straight in 15 mins, and start making the world a better place. No second opinions, cz you get all opinions at once, no lazy, derelict doctoring, or worse, exploitative doctoring, and drug prescribing. Maybe the report details 2 opinions, 2 that are split in support amongst the group, each explained to the patient, why, and what factors led some doctors to diagnosis A and the same for B, and then in the patients hands, they can maybe fill some gaps and recognize which is correct. etc. etc. etc., right. Think about it, it actually works. Peace
One can always use a Little Shaman tune up! Thank you! Maybe cause I'm old and tired, but lately, I've started just laughing when the accusations fly. (I don't suggest this if they can physically harm you) They only have the power we give them. It takes awhile to see that, but they know it from the jump.
There’s a narcissist in my life. The person claims to be an empath. Every time this person interrupts me to complete my sentence, the words are nowhere close to what I was about to say. It’s comical
You are so right. My narcissistic mother had no concept of empathy. She did sometimes show cold empathy. Only because she's seen someone else do this in similar situations. As far as reading faces. Absolutely not. She was clueless about that. And both of my parents thought that I was as superficial and shallow as they. They had no depth perception.
Yes, finally, the reality. They dont see you because they only see themselves. I was romantically involved with one once, and i absolutely (adored) him ,his favourite word .😬What he could see from me .Was a woman who loved him more than life itself. Which made him see himself as a better person than he really is
What's so frustrating is that you will never be able to point out their errors and that they're projecting because they just spin it and accuse YOU of being the one in error or the one who's projecting. There is no help for narcs at all. It's almost like they're another species of human with a different brain.
It's because they can never be wrong. Everything in their head is just logical, common sense, what's wrong with you?? ... Lol, familiar? It takes the individuality out of everything... including the individual. Projection is the assumption that you see and feel the same as them. I think they actually have empathy, but it is based on the rules of their fantasy world, so it looks like they don't. It's misdirected to feelings they believe you are having, cz those are the feelings they have. But, if you don't, say, feel insecure about something that they do, they will view your behavior as that of someone with insecurity the same as them, someone who is insecure is acting this way, so that means 'X'. But if you were not insecure about that, then you are not even thinking about it or what it means to the lens the narcissist is looking at you through. You expect to be viewed, and judged for what you are really feeling. They don't realize that might be different then the, that how they reacted to the new info is not how you reacted. And to give your feelings credit is to admit their reaction was somehow flawed, god forbid. After all, they are just being logical, its common sense, so feeling different is being flawed. The childishness of this approach starts to shine. This builds and builds, until the person they see in you is totally and completely flawed. So, then, it's, 'I'm not totally flawed, so you must be.' Accepting they are wrong about the tiniest thing will lead to all this in their head. Even misspeaking a word, when you correct them, they can't admit it. 'I didn't say that'. Not important, just confirming so the conversation can continue, but to them, the whole conversation(and marriage) can unravel before they can make a simple adjustment and continue. They can never be wrong. That simple. When it's obvious, and they have to be, watch. They squirm, and deflect, and lower their voice, and look down, just like a 5 year old.
They play childish games. They are in a way you need to treat them like immature children. I've learned to ignore them mostly but sometimes they can get me into some kind of breakdown.
@ianarn Sam Vaknin says it's called "cold empathy." They're actually so fragile and vulnerable from childhood trauma they learned how to scan the room and people for sliights and distress to protect themselves from harm. It's not emotional empathy for others. They only have emotional empathy for themselves to protect their false self.
As the video explains, I don't think it even reaches the level of cold empathy. They think they are perceiving other people's emotional states, but if they were really using empathy of any kind - even cold empathy - they wouldn't be wrong so often. It appears that they might be confusing projection for empathy in these situations. They do tend to believe that they are better at reading other people in the way that you're describing than they really are, also. When someone tries to correct them or tell them that they are wrong, they simply insist that the other person is lying or doesn't know what their own feelings are. Many pathologically narcissistic personalities claim to be very good at reading people but in practice, we often just don't find this to be true. The truth is that because of their lack of empathy, their egocentricity, the level of projection they are engaging in and the level of hypervigilance that they are operating under, their ability to perceive and interpret the emotional states of other people accurately is usually pretty severely compromised. Which tracks, because anyone who has ever dealt with this type of person consistently generally will attest to the fact that despite their constant claims to the contrary, narcissists do not perceive or interpret the emotional states of others accurately at all. They just think they do.
I think narcissists are just way to immature to be able to understand how normal adults feel. They can only understand all or nothing and think everybody are feeling the same things. If you have a different opinion it really disturbs them.
Yes, I get so tired of being attacked and accused of horrible things, I’m always terrified to do anything that would fit that narrative. I really wish they could understand because it screws w my mind and I just want an apology to justify my emotions.
The evil energy inside of them is like a collective contrarian character consciousness so in any situation whatever is wrong , manipulative or evil the parasite infestation manipulates them to do the negative thing in any situation.
This is so validating. After experiencing narcissistic abuse for many years, i always thought wow, this person doesn't see anyone. Everything is about them and their feelings. As you said "their feelings are facts." It doesn't natter how well meaning you are. How much you care about then or love them. They will assign you a whole different role and then punish you for not acquiescing to the role they assigned to you. It's better to go no contact and stay no contact no matter what.
It’s truly amazing that I had no knowledge of this disorder until I lived it. Let’s hope that more people are learning about this, before they have to deal with it. God Bless 🙏
Love the channel, love the video. Come to think of it, these people seem clever and manipulative at first, but eventually devolve into simple-minded, poorly adapted, and childish creatures. The problem is, by the time you discover that, you are attached.
Yes,its true, but you can deatach. BUT e.g. when you have 2 nice doughters and all attached ... it takes to another level as the main issue then so doughter would be able to se “the reality“ so they could have/keep their personality. Not easy, but possible 😊 Little Shaman getting better with every year. “No 1“ realy 😅
